Date: Sat, 30 Nov 2013 14:22:15 -0700
From: h.schreiber@hushmail.com
Subject: The Tenth Year by Hans Schreiber

The Tenth Year
by Hans Schreiber

Warning!  This story is a work of fiction written by a legal age adult. Any
similarity between the fictional characters and any live person is purely
coincidental. This story contains fictional descriptions of sexual activity
between consenting minor youth. If you are under the age of 18, and/or if
you are offended by this content, and/or if it is illegal in your
jurisdiction to possess or read such material, please leave now and do not
read this story as neither the internet host nor the author can be
responsible for your actions. Please, always practice safe sex; no
momentary thrill is worth your life.

All rights reserved. No part of this story may be transmitted or reproduced
in whole or in part in any form or by any means, mechanical or electronic,
including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and
retrieval system without the written permission of the Author or Publisher,
except where permitted by law. Copyright (c) 2013 by Hans Schreiber.

Special thanks to my editors, Pablo, & Flip for their valuable help and input.

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enjoyment.



The email surprised and unsettled me. I read it over and over again. I
debated whether to reply or simply allow it to go unanswered. At length, I
slid it into my delete basket but I knew it wasn't permanently deleted.
When Josh attended my wedding this spring, neither of us addressed the
elephant in the room. I assumed that by him not bringing it up, he accepted
the logical conclusion. Now, this troubling email left everything in doubt.

I loved Josh. No, I love Josh. Always have, do now, and always will. We
grew up together, running wild in the foothills all summer, skinny dipping
at the pond, working on his dad's farm together, and hanging out at school.
We were both on the football team and played baseball. We discovered life
together. He was my first and only masturbation partner. He was my first
sex partner. We shared our first beer and wad of chew together. He was my
friend, confidant, and one man support group. I spent more time at his
house than my own and his father sort of took me under his wing since mine
was a messed up alcoholic. That made us a little like brothers as well as
friends. Josh got me through my parents' bitter divorce. Without him, I
don't even want to think about what life would have been like during those
dark days.

As life goes, after high school graduation our lives changed. He stayed on
his family farm and I went off to college in the big city. We knew it would
happen, and even though we had spoken about it often and felt we'd prepared
ourselves for it, we both broke down and bawled like babies at the moment
of goodbye. We stayed in touch, texting and calling each other often.

We'd both dated girls during our high school years and we'd both engaged in
some limited and awkward teen sex with a couple of them. We compared notes
and shared our feelings about it. But, that never deterred us from sharing
our love together in a sexual way as well. I never considered what we were
doing as gay, it was just something fun we did as friends. Our sex play
started at age thirteen when he showed off his sprouting pubic hairs and it
was initially playful. As we matured, so did our level of sex play and it
became a simple, natural expression of our bond with each other. Whenever
we got the opportunity, we jacked each other off and occasionally gave each
other a blow job. He even managed to deep throat me after a little practice
and that still may be my favorite sex activity. At age 16, we did the big
deed for the first time on the Fourth of July. Talk about fireworks, it was
explosive. We'd talked it over and planned it out for probably six months
in advance of it happening. We planned it out in great detail. I'll never
forget it as long as I live. It was monumental.

"Cathy, I'm headed to the gym for my lunch break. I may be a little longer
getting back today," I told the receptionist as I headed out. I'm an upward
climbing, junior insurance executive specializing in property and casualty.

"Okay, Don. See you whenever," she said without looking up from her filing.
"Do you want me to cover for you if a big suit asks where you are?"

"Yes, please. You're awesome." A kind word and an occasional box of fancy
chocolates went a long way with her. It also bought me intel on the office
rumors. Receptionists know everything.

I headed down to the mid-city fitness club I'd joined and went to my
private locker. Normally, I'd swim or do the treadmill but not this day, I
just wanted time to think. I stripped naked and grabbed a soft, white towel
from the rack. Wearing only my flip flops, to protect my feet from God only
knows what. I made my way to the dry sauna. A couple of middle aged guys
were in there sweating like hogs on a summer day and looking a little
flushed. Their over forty bellies obscured their male parts. I told myself
that I wouldn't end up like that, but I knew that unless I kept up with my
exercise regimen there was a good chance I would since I sat at a desk most
of the day. I was finding that the luster of being a big city career guy
was wearing off and it was more of a drudgery. I sort of envied Josh being
out on the farm. It was hard work, but it had certain rewards that you
would never get in an office.

I spread my towel over the hot boards on the upper deck and sat down,
leaning carefully against the back wall until my skin adjusted to the
heat. My ample genitals hung loosely between my thighs. I closed my eyes
and intuitively sensed the curious glances from the older guys. I was used
to it.

I thought about the email and the implications of it. I had to decide what
to do and that decision would define my character and could potentially
change my relationship with one or both of the most important people in my
life. The email reminded me that this would be the tenth anniversary. I
thought about the sign that Kerry had purchased for my desk at a craft fair
we attended. "Integrity," it stated, "is doing the right thing, even when
no one is watching." I was pleased that she bought it for me and more
pleased that she felt it was an appropriate representation of my character.
It set me apart from my father, who had no integrity. He couldn't speak the
truth even if someone else wrote it out for him and all he had to do was
read it.

Kerry is the only person on earth who I love as much as I love Josh. Kerry
and I met at an insurance convention cocktail party, dated off and on for
three months and then steady for the next three months until we got
engaged. Six months after that, we tied the knot, exactly one year from the
day we met on April 15th. We were teased that although we'd never forget
our anniversary, we'd be too broke from paying our taxes to celebrate it.

We'd had sex only four times before we got married and not at all until we
agreed to date steady and agreed to not see anyone else. Once we were
officially engaged, she cut me off. Her reasoning was that I should be
marrying her for more reasons than just to get sex and I needed to prove to
myself that I wanted her as a complete person and not just for a sex
partner. The four times, however, were incredibly good. Turns out she loves
my big cock. She wasn't very experienced and neither was I. Honestly, I'd
only had sex with two girls in high school and two in college before
her.  Of course, Josh and I had engaged in lots of sex play, but that didn't
count. He was my only guy I'd ever done anything sexual with.

As the warmth of the sauna began to penetrate my skin surface, I started to
reminisce. I tumbled back in time to the day Josh and I first did anything
sexy together. It was like I was there again, the memory was so vivid.

"Don, guess what?" Josh asked.

"What?" I responded absently.

"I'm growing some hairs on my dick. Are you starting to yet?"

I sat up and looked at him. We had been lying back on the hay wagon with
our feet dangling over the edge. Our scuffed work boots were swaying
freely. "Really? Wow! No, I haven't got any yet. Is it like, a lot?"

"Nah, not a lot, but some. And I'm not just talkin' peach fuzz, they're
like actual black little hairs. Noticed 'em when I was ..."

"When you was what?"

He looked a little guilty like he'd been caught at something. He stammered
out, "When I was you know, doing it last night in bed."

"Doing what?" I asked.

"You know. It."

"It? It what?"

He grumbled and studied my face to decide if I was messing with him. "IT!"
He made a fist and pumped it up and down in front of the fly of his
Wranglers.

"Oh. That." Now I was embarrassed. I'd never really done 'it' all the
way. I'd only fingered it a little when it got boned up. I'd heard comments
about it and while Josh and I had talked about all kinds of things
including getting boners, we'd never discussed 'it'.

Our conversation was interrupted when we reached the hay field and had to
jump off and start slinging hay bales up into the wagon. We were old enough
and big enough for the first time to do it. Josh's older brothers took
turns up in the wagon stacking and driving the truck. They switched places
every hour, but Josh and I had to sling bales from the ground up to the
wagon all day. Lucky for us, Josh's dad had a conveyor thing that followed
the wagon and we didn't have to lift them very high to get them onto the
conveyor. Still it was hard work and by the end of the day, we were both
hot, sweaty, covered with prickly hay stems, and exhausted.

There was no room on the wagon to ride back since it was full of hay, so
Josh and I had to walk. We told his brothers that we were taking a side
trip past the irrigation pond to wash the hay dust and stems off us before
going home and asked them to tell Mom. I called Josh's parents Mom and Dad
since I was over there so much and they treated me so good. His brothers
said okay and drove off. The walk across the hay field, that was now just
stubble, was tiring. The uneven ground made it extra challenging. A
particularly sharp stem was lodged in my bvd's and poking me in the ass
crack with every step.

"Shit!" I exclaimed. "I can't take it any longer. I got a stupid hay stem
poking me in the ass. I gotta get it out."

Josh laughed at me as I tore off my belt buckle and snap, then unzipped my
Wranglers and jerked them down to my knees along with my whities. I fished
around until I found the offending little stem and plucked it out of my
underwear. Hay leaves and stems were plastered to my body clear down to my
nuts. I pulled my clothes back up and buckled up my belt. "Way better."

Josh just laughed harder at me. "I can't believe you did that right out
here in the open," he laughed.

"Why not?" Nobody's around except you. And you've seen me naked plenty of
times."

"I guess. Just seemed weird seeing you get naked in the middle of the field
like that."

"Do you like getting naked?" I asked as we resumed our trek to the pond.

"Kind of." Then he looked at me and smiled wryly, "Specially with you."

"Really?"

"Yup. Really."

"Well, don't go blabbing it around or anything, but I kind of like getting
naked with you around too. Weird, huh?" I admitted.

"Kind of." We walked a ways and he added, "How come d'ya think?"

I didn't answer right away. I really thought about it. "Dunno for sure," I
finally said in my profound thirteen year old way. "Maybe because I like
you so much and I like seeing all of you." That made him smile. We picked
up the pace a bit in anticipation of reaching the pond and seeing each
other naked again. Neither of us said it, but I know we were both thinking
the same thing and wanted to hurry so we'd have more time there. I know I
was hoping that no one else would be there so we could jump in all naked.

When we reached the crest of the hill and looked down on the vacant pond,
Josh gave me a push and took off running, "Last one in's a rotten
eggsucker."

I lit after him and my sore muscles complained. But I wasn't about to let
him make me into a rotten eggsucker. We reached the grassy edge of the pond
and started pulling off our boots. Piles of hay leaves fell from them as we
did. Then came the socks. Our plaid, long sleeve, western shirts came off
quick since they had snaps instead of buttons. The guys at school joked
around that they were designed by cowgirls for quicker access to their
cowboys' hot bodies. Josh and I both struggled most with our Wrangler
jeans. They were pretty tight fitting. Josh finished just ahead of me and
sprinted for the water. He turned and did a victory dance in the knee deep
water. His little package bounced and jiggled as he cheered, "I win, I
win."

"Shoot. I got tangled up in my underwear."

"Ha, you're the rotten eggsucker. That means you gotta suck my eggs." He
jiggled his balls.

"Yeah right. Not happening, dude," I laughed, "Besides you ain't got any
eggs, those little things can't be more than a couple of gooseberries." He
acted all offended but smiled in spite of himself. "Now these are eggs." I
cradled my balls in my hand. I had outgrown him in the crotch area and
recently had grown quite a bit.

He let out a slow whistle and agreed, "No bullshit about that. I hope mine
start growing more soon." Then he raised his eyebrows and asked, "So you
got any hairs?"

"Not sure. Let's check." He waded over to me and took a good close look
along with me as I inspected myself. "Nah," I said disappointed. "Just
fuzz. Show me yours." He proudly displayed his several black hairs. There
was no denying it, he'd gotten some real live pubic hairs. "That's freakin'
cool."

"I know, huh?" Then in his way, so as not to make me feel bad or inferior,
he added, "But I'm sure the way you're growing down there, you'll be
getting some soon."

"Hope so." We waded in deeper and rubbed ourselves all over to get the hay
dust and leaves off of our sticky bodies. The cool water felt really good
and it was so nice to get rid of the itchy chaff. We swam around a bit and
then waded back out to the shore. We went over to our favorite drying rock
and laid down on it. There we laid in the late afternoon sunshine, naked as
the day we were born, with our hands propped behind our heads as makeshift
pillows. I remember seeing a cloud that reminded me of Josh's big sheep
hound float by. I looked over and stared at Josh's naked body and in
particular the hairless armpit he was exposing. For some weird reason that
turned me on - not enough to get me boned or anything though.

"Don," Josh asked breaking the comfortable silence we'd been sharing.

"Yeah," I answered.

"Do you do IT?" He sounded nervous asking the question. Like it was taboo
or something to discuss that.

"Some." I answered honestly. At least I thought I did it some. In
actuality, I was about to discover that I had never really done IT. I'd
only barely done something like it.

"Do you like it?"

"Yeah, I like it. Do you like it?"

"KInd of." There was a long and less comfortable silence until he asked,
"Wanna?"

"What?" For being the better student, I wasn't always quick to get things
he talked about.

"IT, you goober. D'ya wanna do it?"

"Like here? Now?" I asked.

"Yeah. You wanna?"

"I dunno. Maybe. Do you?"

"Kind of." There was another long pause and neither of us dared look at the
other one. My heart was racing and I felt a little hot in my face. I felt
my willy starting to get puffy and that made me nervous.

"How do you like to do it?" he asked.

"Just with my fingers. How else?"

"Same. I just use two fingers and my thumb. So should we?"

"Okay. I guess. You start." I wasn't sure if I did it right and I didn't
want to make myself look dumb.

He reached down and took his partially hard willy in his fingers and
started stroking it. "Now you do it too. We both have to do it."

I looked away from his stiff little dick to mine and copied his actions.
I'd never rubbed it by sliding the skin up and down like he was doing. I'd
only fingered the sensitive head with my fingertips and lightly rubbed a
finger up and down the length of the shaft before. His way felt really
good. I turned my attention back toward him and watched as he stroked
himself. It was so exciting to watch and he was completely focused on
watching me rub mine. My larger size was even more obvious when we were
boned up. I used three fingers and could have used my whole fist if I'd
wanted to. I didn't though. I didn't want to look like I was showing off.

I'd never rubbed it so long before and the good feelings just kept coming
and getting stronger it seemed. Each time I pulled the skin down off the
tip part, I got an extra little shot of the tingles. I felt my other
muscles starting to tighten up and I noticed that Josh was going a little
faster and he'd gotten a real serious look on his face and his neck muscles
were twitching. All of a sudden, he raised his head up and watched his dick
instead of mine and his body jerked a little. "Uh, uh, uh," he grunted. He
pulled the skin down all the way and a little spurt of piss shot out.

"Wow. What happened?" I asked.

"The 'splosion," he gapsed. He looked over at me. "Don't stop. Keep going
'til you get the explosion on yours."

I started back up rubbing mine and the good tingles got stronger.
Instinctively, I gripped it tighter and went faster. Soon my butthole
tightened up and I had to raise up and watch like he'd done. "Oh wow! Holy
shit!" I cried out as I got my own 'splosion'. Everything was jerking and
twitching all on its own, especially my willy.

The memory faded and I smiled wide as I lay there in the sauna reliving my
first orgasm that I'd shared with Josh. If we hadn't been bonded before
that, we certainly were after that. We'd broken into a fit of
uncontrollable giggles afterward and I'd rubbed the clear juice that
spurted from my willy between my fingers. It wasn't pee after all. We
finished lying on the rock and letting the sun dry us off while our bodies
adjusted back to normal. Finally, Josh sat up and said, "Guess we should be
getting back for dinner."

"Yeah. I guess." That was all we said. After that, we found every safe
opportunity to do IT together that we could.  Once in a while we took some
chances and did IT when it wasn't so safe like in the school locker room
and in the bathroom at scout camp.

I'd been so absorbed in my daydream that I hadn't noticed the middle age
guys leave and the younger, fit, thirty something guy come in. I was
startled as a leg brushed against mine. I twitched and pulled away as I
opened my eyes and sat up. The sauna was empty except for the two of us. I
couldn't register at first why, with an empty room, he'd chosen to sit so
close to me that his leg rubbed against mine. As he was apologizing for
startling me, I figured it out. I looked down at my semi hard dick and
realized he'd considered it a little bit of advertising.

I pulled one end of my towel up over my privates and slid away a few
inches. Then I accepted his apology while I made a clear showing of
twisting my wedding ring around my finger. He smiled a bit sheepishly and
slid a few inches the other way. I realized I'd been in there way too long
and was overheated. I excused myself and climbed down to leave for the
showers. The handsome thirty something leaned back and spread his legs to
show me exactly what I was missing out on. I wasn't interested, though.
Josh was the only boy for me and always had been. That raised the question
whether he still would be now that I was married. I'd worried myself sick
over how he'd take the news of me getting married. It seemed all unfounded
though, since he never showed anything but happiness and support for me
over it. He flew out to be my best man and even his parents came with. My
mom was on the same flight, and since my dad and I still don't speak,
Josh's dad continued in his role as my surrogate father by delivering the
speech and toast at the wedding dinner.

The shower stalls at this gym had no curtains or doors on them. I didn't
care for that because I couldn't take a whiz or jack off because of it. I
suppose that may be the very reason they don't have any on them. I did kind
of enjoy the curiosity stares I'd get from other guys, though. It's a bit
vain, I know, but isn't everyone a bit vain in some way or another? The
cool water was refreshing and I relaxed in it. I selected one of the end
stalls at the end of the far corridor where few guys ventured.

I let my mind drift back to different times Josh and I jacked off
together. Some were really memorable. That got me thinking about our first
blow job. Now that was memorable. We were fourteen and freshmen. We'd spent
the past year and a half jacking off together and had graduated pretty
quickly into jacking each other off instead of just doing our own. That was
so much more fun. We did it to each other at the same time at first,
reaching across but that was kind of awkward. So that morphed into taking
turns jacking each other off and taking more time with it. We took turns on
who got to go first. I preferred doing his first so I'd still be horny
while I did him. It just made it better that way. He also seemed to take
longer doing mine after he'd already cummed since he wasn't all anxious for
his turn.

One day, we were over at my house watching TV when we decided to try our
first blowjob. We were watching MTV, which we could only do at my house
because his mom blocked it on their cable. My mom was working at the diner
and my old man was passed out on his bed, snoring. There was a very
inappropriate music video on and we both got horned up from it. We were
stroking ourselves over the top of our jeans and we looked over at each
other and smiled that knowing smile. We both knew what we really wanted to
do. I got up and made sure the old man was totally out. I pulled his door
shut and headed back to the tiny living room.

We rented a small, old farmhouse. It was falling apart and only had two
small bedrooms, one bathroom with a shitter that had to be plunged half the
time to get it to flush. There was a small kitchen/living room combination
where you entered the house. My bedroom was so small it didn't even have a
closet. There was a single bed and a dresser. My shoes and boots went under
my bed and I hung my clothes on a pole that I'd fastened from wall to wall
over my bed. Sometimes, the shadows from the clothes cast weird shapes on
the wall from the moonlight. Sometimes the shadows were funny and I'd find
cartoon images in them. Mostly though, they were eerie and even downright
scary. Not as scary as the beast in the bedroom next door, but scary
still. Sometimes, I'd hear my old man having his way with my mom through
the thin walls and I'd pull my pillow over my head and wish I could escape
to Josh's house. I was glad to be an only child. I was an unplanned
pregnancy - a bastard, as my old man often reminded me.

In the gym shower stall while I relived my first blowjob, I shampooed my
hair and then turned away from the opening to face the blue tile wall. I
rubbed the slippery shampoo on my dick and balls and coaxed myself into a
hard-on. I slipped back into my memory.

When I got back to the living room, Josh already had his dick out of his
fly and was stroking himself. I pulled mine out and sat next to him on the
worn out couch. We sort of sunk into each other as a result of the sagging
springs. We reached across and started jacking each other. By this time,
Josh had grown enough that I could get a full fist on his dick and he could
get two hands on mine. Well, more like a hand and a half at that time. We
sat next to each other enjoying a nice jack when one of the singers started
licking her lips all provocative like. "Damn, that's hot," Josh said.

"No shit," I agreed. "Way hot. Ever wonder what a blow job would feel
like?" I ventured.

"Kind of."

"Me too." We continued stroking in silence and gawking at the provocative
video. "Wish I had a girlfriend to try it with," I added.

"Yeah." A longer pause ensued. I felt the tension between us.

Finally, Josh mustered the courage to say it. "Don, you thinking what I'm
thinking?"

"I don't know, Josh. What're you thinking?"

"I think you know what I'm thinking. So do you think you might wanna try
it?"

"Maybe. Do you?"

"Kind of."

I peered down the narrow hallway towards my parents' room and then leaned
down into his crotch. This forced his hand off my dick and he sucked in a
nervous breath. I just took the plunge, like jumping into a cold pond or
asking a girl out, it was one of those things that if you thought about it
before doing it, you'd chicken out. I still remember the thrilling
sensation as his soft dickhead passed over my lips and his firm shaft
slipped into my mouth. I was tentative at first, going slowly and only
halfway down.

"Oh my god, Don, that's so awesome. I can't even tell you. Suck me harder
please," he begged. I increased my suction and my speed as well as my
travel distance. I was able to take his whole dick in so that my nose
rubbed on his jeans. A couple of times he jerked and cautioned me to watch
my teeth.

"Sowwy," I said without spitting him out.

He laughed and said, "Don't you know it's not polite to talk with your
mouth full?"

"Wan me do spid id oud?" I mumbled.

"NO!" he exclaimed. I chuckled and went back to work on him.

I kept sucking and was enjoying the taste and feel of his hard dick in my
mouth. It was an incredible turn on and I was boned up so hard, I thought I
might explode. I sensed he was getting close and I started to worry about
him cumming into my mouth.

"Warm me," I said.

"What? Warm you? How?" he asked.

I pulled off and said, "Warn me. Not warm me. I want you to warn me before
you cum."

"Oh, yeah. Sure. Now start sucking again. Holy crap it's the most awesome
thing ever." He grabbed my head and pulled me back down to his quivering
cock.

I complied and it didn't take long before he was tapping on my head to pull
off. He immediately grabbed his dick and jerked himself off in a crazed
frenzy. Cum shot clear to his neck and seemed to just keep exploding from
his rock hard dick. I watched in fascination as my own dick demanded
attention.

"My turn. My turn," I said impatiently. "Suck me now."

He put me off for a few minutes while he regained his composure. Then he
returned the favor. It was great. It was better than great, it was
phenomenal. The sensation of being engulfed in a warm, moist cavern was
like hearing surround sound for the first time. It was so completely
different and so much better than anything I'd experienced before or could
even have imagined. He couldn't take mine all the way in, but I didn't
mind. I loved it. I loved him for doing it to me. It took me only half the
time he'd needed before I had to tap him out and I barely gave my willy two
strokes before it shot heroically over my bright green, John Deere
t-shirt. "Nothing runs like a Deere" it proclaimed. Right then, my thick,
white cum was running down the side of the tractor image.

Like the first time we jacked off together at the pond, when this latest
new adventure was ended, we broke into uncontrollable giggles. We pulled
our cum soaked shirts off and set them aside. I reached over and took his
softening dick in my hand and he started softly stroking my chest and
abs. We stared at each other dreamily, in a sort of daze. I thought for a
moment he was going to try and kiss me, but he didn't.

When I returned from my trip down memory lane and regained awareness of
reality, I realized I was holding my shrinking erection in my hand. Cum was
slowly sliding down the slick blue tile. The warm water was streaming
against my right side and I realized I'd just jacked myself off in a public
shower. I twisted nervously since I'd become aware of the sound of another
shower across the tile corridor. There stood Mr. thirty something, smiling
and jacking himself off. He winked at me. I grimaced, shut the shower off
and grabbed my towel from the hook. I scurried off with my flip flops
slapping the bottoms of my feet in a rapid staccato.

He came into my locker area while I was quickly dressing. "Great," I
thought.  "He would be lockered near me." He opened his locker and fiddled
around without dressing. He was purposely showing off his fit naked body to
me and the other guys in the locker section. When I was putting my shoes
on, he stepped over to me, still nude and his dick dangling against his
balls. No one else was left in our locker bay at the time.

He slipped his business card into my shirt pocket and said, "I know you're
married, and I'm in a relationship too. But it doesn't hurt to get a little
mysterious skin now and then. In fact, it keeps things more interesting at
home. If you're ever interested in a little harmless fun, call me." I
didn't say anything. He smiled and sauntered back to his locker. I tied my
last shoe and left.

I pulled the card from my shirt and read his name. He was a commercial
realtor. I started to toss the card in the trash as I left the fitness
club, but then tucked it back into my shirt pocket. I honestly don't know
why I kept it. It's still in my card file on my desk. It's just sitting
there teasing me and tempting me just like the deleted email from Josh that
wasn't really deleted. I looked at the time on my phone and realized I'd
been gone way too long. I called Cathy.

"Cath, I'm not coming back. Tell Steve, I'm sick and went home early."

"Will do. I've got your back."

"You are a jewel."

"Nice. I like jewels. Remember that on my birthday." She chuckled.

I hung up and pulled the card from my pocket. Randall Stewart was the name
on it. I walked to a small sandwich shop I liked and then dialed the
number. "Hello, this is Randy?" He had a very deep voice.

I paused.

"Hello?"

"Umm, hello. You don't know me and this is kind of odd, but, well, I'm the
guy from the club in the sauna and showers just now."

"Well, that was fast."

"No. No I'm not calling for that. It's just - I just need to explain."

"No you don't. What do you really want, uhh ...?"

"Don. My name's Don."

"Okay, what do you really want, Don?"

 "I really would just like to talk to you. Could I buy you lunch?"

"Lunch? Okay. Where?"

"Just down the street. A sandwich shop called Miguel's."

"Give me five and I'll be there," he said.

"Great. Thanks." I hung up and wondered what the hell I was doing. I went
in and ordered a table for two in the back. I'd only been seated a minute
when Randall slid in across from me. He was as handsome dressed as he was
naked. He wore a shiny blue grey suit with a bright blue cravat in the
pocket and a silky tie to match. His light beard was well trimmed and
manicured.

The waitress came right away and we both ordered a soup and half sandwich
combination. "So, Don, what would you like to talk about?"

"Sex."

He snorted out a laugh. "I see. That's a pretty large topic. Anything more
specific?"

"I have this problem. I need some outside perspective on it and I don't
have anyone in my life who I can ask about it," I admitted.

"So you're going to ask a complete stranger?"

"I know. It's crazy. But as I was about to toss your card in the trash just
now, I couldn't do it. The idea, crazy as it is, just hit me. You obviously
- how should I put it? You obviously aren't shy about talking about sex
since you basically propositioned me in the gym just now."

"Fair enough," he agreed. "So what do you want to know? Are you curious
about gay sex? Thinking you might like a walk on the wild side just to try
it out?"

"Not really. No. That's not it. I grew up in a small town and had a best
friend. His name's Josh. We were really tight and almost like brothers. He
got me through a lot with my fucked up family. We were really close. REALLY
CLOSE, if you get my meaning."

"Yeah. I get you. The two of you fucked around together. That's cool. So
what's the problem?"

"We have this tradition thing going, where every year, we meet up on the
Fourth of July and reenact our first time for doing it."

"Doing what exactly?"

"Fucking each other's ass," I blurted out as if it were completely normal.

"Aha. So?"

"So, I just got married to this magnificent girl in April and figured that
would be the end of it. Then today, I got an email from Josh, asking about
my plans for coming back to do our annual trip up to Stony Ridge."

"I see. You want to be the good friend to Josh and keep up the tradition he
counts on every year and at the same time you want to be the faithful
husband to your new wife. Am I right?"

"Yes," I sighed in relief. "Exactly."

Our food came and we started to eat as we pondered the information I'd just
shared. "Why did you select me to confide this in?"

"Mostly because of what you said about mysterious skin being good for a
relationship. I don't know if I agree with that, but it intrigued me. What
do you mean by that?"

"Okay. I'm gay. You figured that out, I'm sure. So I'm coming at this from
a different point of view than a woman might. Guys are wired differently,
even gay guys. Nature made us into sexual creatures that are naturally on
the prowl. It takes a great deal of restraint and frankly unnatural
discipline for guys to remain monogamous. Women on the other hand have a
desire to build a nest and raise babies. Men are a necessary evil to that
end. That's why, in my opinion, so many marriages go south once the woman's
got her brood. She no longer has the same nature driven need or interest in
sex and her focus turns to the kids. The man gets bitter and justifies
cheating on her. It all then ends badly. It would be so much better if they
just were honest about their needs and found ways, safe ways, to fill those
needs."

"But, I'm not there. I don't have kids yet and the sex with Kerry is still
fresh and great. I don't have unmet needs. Hell, if anything, she wears me
out sometimes."

"Then why are we having lunch?"

"Because of Josh. I ..."

"Love him?"

"Yes. I love him. Wholeheartedly."

"And I suppose you think he needs to know that you love him? You think he
needs your annual physical expression of that love? I'd be willing to bet,
he needs it more than ever now that you're married. Is Josh gay?"

"I don't know. I don't think so. He's dated and had sex with girls. You're
really insightful."

"I'm a graduate of the school of hard knocks. As for dating and having sex
with girls, so have I. Does he still?"

"I don't know for sure. There's no one special he's dating right now. I
know that. He just says he hasn't found the right person yet. We don't
really talk about that much."

"Tell me more about you two and your friendship," Randall requested.

I shared with him the details of our first time at the pond which is what I
was thinking about when he touched me in the sauna. I shared all the things
we did as boys, playing army or Cowboys and Indians in the foothills. I
shared how his family took me in like their own and how Josh always
listened to me when I was sad over my messed up family. I shared the
details of our first blow job together which is what I'd been daydreaming
about when I absent mindedly jacked off in front of Randall in the
shower. "That was fun to watch, by the way," he interjected. I blushed a
little. "Keep going," he encouraged.

"When I was fifteen," I began with a new quiver in my voice, "I was over at
Josh's house helping with chores. We planned on going over to the fair that
night and I'd forgotten a change of clothes. Josh's brother, Jimbo, drove
me over to my house to get them. He waited in the truck while I ran
inside. My room was right next to my parents' bedroom and I knew my mom was
supposed to be at the diner for her shift. But I could hear them going at
it hot and heavy. I hated listening to it. I knew my mom didn't really like
doing it with him anymore, especially when he was half drunk. I was just
going to rush into my room, grab my clothes and then escape when I heard
her say, 'Holy fuck, Donald, that's the spot. Pound me harder you fucking
animal.'"

Randall looked at me pitifully across the table as I continued, "I
froze. It was not my mother's voice. Almost against my will I was drawn
towards the open door. I stepped up to it and looked inside to see my
filthy old man mounted on top of my Aunt Julie, my mom's slutty sister. I
flipped out. 'Stop it! What the fuck do you think you're doing?' I
screamed." Randall placed a hand over his mouth and motioned for me to go
on.

"They did stop and stared at me. I was out of my mind with rage and
confusion. I barely had any respect for my father and what little I had was
now completely gone. He yelled back at me to get the fuck out of his
house. 'It's my house too. How could you do this to Mom? Aunt Julie, how
could you do this to your own sister?'"

"She looked me square in the eye, wrapped her skinny legs around my old
man's backside and said, 'I ain't doing it to my sister, you stupid little
fuck. I'm doing it to her hubby here.' Then she laughed in scorn. 'But
don't you go telling her, you little bastard,' she added nastily. I needed
a moment to control my tears. Randall reached over and placed his hand on
mine in a kind, understanding gesture.

"I swore at her, 'The fuck I won't, you bitch. I'm going to the diner right
now and telling her!'"

"My old man pushed off my aunt and screamed, 'The hell you are!' I ran and
he came after me. He caught me at the door and threw me onto the old worn
couch. I threw a punch and landed it square on his jaw. That enraged him
and he began punching me. I curled into a ball and screamed and cried while
he dropped his disgusting naked mass on top of me and pounded me. Josh's
brother heard the commotion and came in to see what the hell was going
on. I heard my old man grunt as Josh's big brother kicked him right square
in the nuts from behind with his cowboy boot. The old asshole rolled off me
onto the floor, writhing in pain."

"Good for him," Randall said. I hate fuckers who abuse their kids.

The waitress came by to see how everything was and Randall waved her off. I
continued, "Jimbo delivered a second blow to my old man's ribs eliciting a
painful scream from him. Aunt Julie came out of the bedroom holding a towel
over her naked front, 'I'll call the police if you don't get out of here
right now!' she yelled.

'Go ahead and call the fucking police. I dare you,' Jimbo yelled back. Then
he got down in my old man's face and said, 'If you ever touch even a hair
on Don's head again, I'll fucking gut you like a slaughtered hog. You got
that?'

My old man's eyes widened in fear and he agreed. 'Got it. I got it.'

'Good. Get your shit and let's go,' Jimbo told me. I did just that. Only, I
got as much of my things as we both could carry, which was pretty much
everything I owned. We drove to the diner and I told my mom what had
happened. She broke down and sobbed and Madge gave her the night off. We
took her back with us to Josh's house where we both stayed until my dad
moved out. Neither of us missed him, but I was pissed that he took the TV
with him. I did miss that."

Randall was silent for quite a while after that story. He sipped his tomato
bisque and kept his eyes on me. I just sat there fighting off tears from
reliving the nightmare of that night. Finally, he spoke, "All right, that's
some hardcore shit in your closet. So Josh helped you through that time,
did he?"

"Yes. If it wasn't for him, I don't think I would have even wanted to keep
living. After an ugly divorce, where it came out that my mom and my dad had
been cheating on each other, my dad disappeared for good and my mom drug
one loser after another into our lives. So I got a pretty dim view of
married life. But it's different with Kerry. She's so perfect. She loves me
and I love her and I don't want, can't ..."

"Do to her what your father did?"

"Yeah."

"It's not the same thing. He was an asshole. No question about that, and
I'm sure he left you with some baggage, but your mom was screwing around on
him too. What about her? Don't you blame her?"

"Some. Not as much. At least she tried to be a parent. He was just a mean
ass drunk. I couldn't blame her for trying to find some love somewhere
else."

"I see. But you don't think you have any right to seek love somewhere else
since you have this perfect relationship going with, Kerry is it?" Randall
asked.

"Yeah. God, you get it."

"Maybe. But didn't Josh come first? Didn't your getting married to Kerry
violate the relationship with him?"

"Well, yeah. I guess, but we weren't a couple. We were just ..."

Randall stopped me. "Just what? Just old friends? All that shit about him
saving your life and being like brothers and sharing all that sex together
was just what? Meaningless? I bet my dick it wasn't meaningless to Josh."
There was a scolding tone to his voice as he said that.

"I never really thought ..."

He interrupted me again. "Fucking right, you never thought. I also wouldn't
be surprised to learn that Josh is gay and you're clearly straight, with
maybe a streak of curiosity, so you don't think like he thinks. You were
just into it for the shits and giggles and sure, you loved him on a certain
platonic level even though you played around together, but I bet you he
loves you much more deeply than that. I bet he's so emotionally wrapped up
into you that he can barely function right now. I'll bet my dick he's one
miserable, sad son of a bitch since you got married. That's what I bet. I
know first hand. I fell madly in love with a straight guy once. We even
fucked around together, but in the end, I was left an abandoned wreck while
he carelessly moved on with his life as though our time together had meant
nothing at all. It fucking ripped me apart. Tell me more about this Fourth
of July thing you guys had going."

"Well," I began, "since the blowup of my home life, I'd spent as much time
as possible at Josh's house. We slept in the same bed and I helped on the
farm like I was part of the family. I even went to church with them on
Sundays a lot. Josh and I were on the football team and the baseball team
together and hung out at school during lunch. I helped him with homework
and he listened whenever I needed to vent. We played around together quite
a bit but never approached the subject or made any moves toward actual
fucking. That was just someplace we never went with each other. Honestly,
it never occurred to me. I was completely content with jacking and
occasionally sucking each other off. It was on Valentine's Day that Josh
surprised me with a Valentine card. I still have it. He taped a package of
Skittles to it. That's my favorite candy."

The waitress came by and cleared our dishes and asked about dessert. We
both declined. When she walked away, Randall looked at me and said, "A
Valentine card? That didn't clue you in? How dense are you?"

"Apparently, very dense." I went on with the rest of the story, "In the
card, he wrote something like, 'Since neither of us have girlfriends for
Valentines Day, I thought I'd let you know how important you are to me. I
love you, man.' It made me tear up. I told him that I loved him too and how
much he meant to me. I told him we would be friends forever. I opened the
Skittles and we shared them while sitting on an old tractor out in the
yard. We were bundled up in thick coats, hats and gloves. There was snow on
the ground and the snow was gently falling around us. It was late evening
and the sun was setting. It was completely silent and so peaceful. We
simply sat silently next to each other enjoying the moment. Josh pulled off
his gloves and reached over and touched my cheek. 'Do you like it when we
share sex stuff together?' he asked."

The waitress brought our check and I handed her my credit card. Then I went
on, "I looked him in the eye and answered honestly, 'Yes, I like it a
lot. Why wouldn't I? Besides it feeling good and being fun, it's
emotionally satisfying.' He left his hand on my cheek. 'It's like that for
me too. I've wanted to try something else together and I've been thinking
about it a lot,' he said without breaking eye contact. 'Don't freak out
when I tell you,' he said with his voice slightly shaking. I promised that
I wouldn't. He pursed his lips and then asked 'How would you feel about
getting really connected sometime? Like really connected.'"

Randall was completely engrossed in my story and so I carried on, "As
usual, I didn't get it. Like you said, I'm a little dense sometimes and I
asked, 'You mean like cutting our fingers and becoming blood brothers or
something?' He smiled and his eyes glistened in amusement at me. 'No,' he
said. 'I'm talking about connecting into each other and becoming one
body. I'm talking about sexual intercourse. I'm talking about making real
love to each other.' When he said that, I was stunned. 'Oh. You want us to
fuck!' I blurted."

"Josh flinched at the crass term I'd used. He said, 'No, not just fuck,
make love.' Then he added, 'Fucking is such an ugly word. I don't want it
to be a meaningless sex act, like just a new way to get our rocks off. I
want it to be special and unique. I've been thinking we need to plan it out
and make it really, really special. I want us to connect into each other's
bodies as a way to show each other that nothing can separate
us. Nothing. Ever.'"

"I remember," I told Randall, "those words as if he was speaking them again
to me right now. They were emblazoned on my heart. I told him, 'I get it. I
agree. I want to prove that to you also.' Then, he slid his hand around the
back of my head and pulled me gently toward his face but stopped to let me
decide. I gave a small nod and closed my eyes. He pulled me to his lips and
we kissed. He didn't kiss me and I didn't kiss him. We kissed each
other. It was tender and we held it for a long time - neither of us wanting
that feeling of love and total acceptance to end. We never kissed again
after that until the Fourth of July."

Randall took a drink of his water and rubbed at the corners of his
eyes. "That is a beautiful story. But please share, if you're willing, your
experience together on the Fourth of July."

"I'm willing. I've told you so much already, there's no point not sharing
everything with you. I think you are in a unique position to give me
valuable advice on how to deal with my dilemma," I told him. "After that
night, all of our sex had more meaning than before. Pleasing him was more
important to me than getting my own needs met. That's how it is with
Kerry. I'm more into making sure she has a good orgasm than I am into just
getting my rocks off and she, like Josh, always does her best to make sure
the sex is good for me."

"That's important. I agree." Randall took another long drink of water and
said, "Go on."

"We planned everything out and settled on the Fourth of July. We were
sixteen and could drive. We arranged to borrow a truck and to go up near
Stony Ridge. We'd hiked up there as Boy Scouts and we both loved the
place. It was beautiful, high above the tree line and we could look down on
Stony Creek Reservoir. On the Fourth of July, the local towns all
contributed toward a fireworks show over the reservoir. We didn't really
know exactly how what we had planned was supposed to work. We decided we
needed something slippery and we settled on Crisco shortening. It worked
out well enough but I wouldn't recommend it because of the smell."

"No, I guess not."

I continued on with my reminiscing, "We packed the truck and drove to the
trailhead. We hiked about four miles early in the morning. We swam naked in
a small pond encircled by quaking aspen trees for maybe an hour. We decided
to setup our camp there by the pond. We remained naked as we setup our tent
and pumped up our air mattress. We started a fire and cooked hot dogs and
heated baked beans that Josh's mom made for us. After that, we ate brownies
and drank lemonade. We sat next to each other on a towel beside the fire,
completely naked. 'Are you ready for this?' I asked him. 'You still want to
go through with it?'"

"How old were you guys again?" Randall asked?

"Sixteen," I reminded him.

"Same age I was when I did it for the first time. Keep going and give me
all the details," he insisted.

"Okay. So Josh answered me with unwavering determination, 'Definitely. Do
you still want to?' I smiled and nodded. 'Yes, I definitely still want to.'
I rolled over and pulled him on top of me. Our bodies pressed together and
I caressed his back and butt cheeks. We both grew hard and we began to
kiss. Then we began making out, swapping tongues and frantically rolling
around on the towel and the meadow grass. We were grabbing at each other in
a passionate fit of sexual desire. We humped against each other's bodies
and our dicks rubbed against each other's dicks and in our soft pubes as we
did that. It was really hot. After a while, we forced ourselves apart,
knowing we wanted to save ourselves for the main event later that night. We
stood and ran, hand in hand, into the pond. We swam and horsed around
together in the water for another hour or more. When we were done, we
dressed and played cards together for a while. We'd brought our mitts and
we played catch together a while. Then as evening was coming, we hiked up
to the ridge. We saw a fox and many birds along the way. We came across an
ant hill and watched in fascination as the worker ants moved endlessly,
busily engaged in building their home. 'What a life, work, work, work all
day every day.' I said. Josh smiled and said, 'Could be worse though. They
could be farmers.' That made us both laugh because we knew how much work
farming was. We'd been doing a lot of farm work up to our day off that we
were enjoying so much. Josh then instructed me on a bunch of ant
trivia. He'd done a school report on ants and knew all kinds of crazy
things about them. The main factoid that stuck with me was that most ants
are sterile workers and never have sex. Only a handful of male drones are
fertile and can service the queen. I'll never forget what Josh said, 'I'll
probably end up like those worker ants, stuck on the farm and sexless.' It
seemed like such an odd comment to me."

"Am I going on too long? I'm probably keeping you from getting your work
done," I asked Randall. I realized we had been there a long time and the
restaurant was nearly empty.

"No, I'm fascinated. Please carry on and give me plenty of details. I'm
loving it. This is a fascinating story and sort of hot." Randall settled
back in his chair.

"Okay. We hiked up to the ridge where we had a great view of the
reservoir. We spread out our towels and we broke out our dinner of chicken
salad sandwiches and Ruffles potato chips with ranch dip. We snuggled up
next to each other as it got dark and then the show started. The fireworks
from that vantage point were magnificent. They were practically right in
front of us. While we watched, we pulled our dicks from our pants and
slowly stroked each other, being careful not to go too far. After the grand
finale and the final boom of the exploding pyrotechnic, we kissed again. It
was long and tender like it had been on Valentine's Day while we sat on the
old tractor. We packed up and hiked by flashlight back to our camp. 'Stop,'
I whispered. 'Look.' There were two deer taking a drink from the pond. They
looked up at us and we stood as still as statues. They apparently decided
we posed no threat and went back to taking a drink. We watched, motionless
until they wandered away and then bounded into the brush. We removed our
boots and socks then entered the tent and kneeled on the air mattress."

"Now you are getting to the good part," Randall said leaning forward. "Go
on."

"I reached over and pulled Josh's shirt off," I continued. "He
reciprocated. Then we removed our gym shorts and boxers and wiggled out of
them. We crawled toward each other and hugged. Our penises hardened
immediately and pressed between us. We rubbed our hands all over each
other's bodies. I told myself this was good practice for when I would have
sex with a girl. But it was more than that and I knew it. It was a real
expression of love I had for Josh. We began to kiss. We began to swap
tongue and make out. We fell down onto the air mattress and I moved down
and sucked Josh's dick into my mouth and sucked on him while I played with
his balls. Then, he pulled me off and returned the favor. I ran my fingers
through his strawberry blond hair. He then opened his throat and swallowed
my tip, engulfing my entire dick within his mouth. I gasped in
extraordinary pleasure. Over and over he swallowed me whole and I began
humping into his mouth. It was phenomenal. I had to pull him off before I
blew my wad prematurely. I was reluctant to do it though and had to force
myself. 'Damn Josh,' I gasped, 'how did you learn to do that?' He smiled
slyly and asked, 'Do you like it?'"

"Oh my god," Randall interrupted, "I love to be deep throated."

I smiled and agreed that it was probably my favorite sexul thing to do and
told Randall that I was hopeful Kerry would perfect the art of it
someday. Then I continued with the story, "Of course, I told Josh, 'Hell
yes, I liked it. It was amazing.' Then I asked him again, 'How did you
learn to do it?' He answered me that he'd been practicing on carrots. I got
an image of him sticking carrots down his throat and gagging himself and I
laughed. Soon, we were both laughing but then as suddenly as we started, we
stopped. 'It's time to do it,' Josh said seriously. 'Yeah. Remind me who
goes first again?' I asked. 'Me,' Josh replied. 'I put mine in you first,
then you do me afterward.' I nodded and laid on my back. I raised my legs
and held my knees up. I was both nervous and excited. Josh opened the
Crisco and smeared some over my hole and slid a greasy finger into me. Then
he greased up his dick and slipped between my legs. The glow of the battery
powered lantern showed the intent expression he wore. This was no game for
him or idle fun between friends. This was serious business and obviously
important to him. He pressed his tip to my hole and asked, 'Are you ready?'
I nodded and said 'I guess.' He pushed his way in and I instinctively
resisted at first. Then I managed to relax and let him move farther in
until he was buried completely into my body. We were connected. He laid
down on me and we kissed while he held himself within me. 'We did it. We're
connected. We are like one person instead of two right now,' he said.  I
agreed, saying, 'I really like it. I like having you inside me. It feels so
good. I love you Josh.' He smiled and told me, 'I love you too, Don. I will
forever. Nothing can ever change that now. Not ever.' I felt in that moment
a wave of emotion wash over me like I'd never felt before or since, until I
met Kerry. I'd never ever really felt love for my father and while I loved
my mother, it was different than what I felt in that moment for Josh. A
blanketing warmth and a content peace spread over me."

Randall was wiping tears from his eyes with his napkin at this point in my
story. I finished up, saying,, "Then, Josh began to slide in and out,
slowly at first, testing it out. He quickened his pace more and more until
eventually we were thrashing about madly. The pressure on my prostate as he
slid back and forth over it drove me crazy. We kissed and bit on each
other's lips and necks while he fucked me. Whether he liked that ugly word
or not, that's what was happening. It was hardcore fucking, period, end of
story. And, it was exactly what we both wanted in that moment of intense
passion. His body began to stiffen and twitch and then he shoved himself so
deeply into me that I thought he'd come out my throat. He cried out in
frenzied ecstasy and exploded his cum into me like a firework bursting into
bright colors in the night sky. Over and over again he shoved himself into
me and cried out as his cannon shot yet another firework deep within me to
explode in the darkness. When he finally finished, he collapsed on top of
me and slowly pulled himself out. I felt so empty when he did that. I
wanted it back up there rubbing that spot somewhere up under my balls. He
rolled over, exhausted, unable to even speak. I was so worked up that I
wasted no time. I greased him up quickly and smeared some Crisco on my
dick. I climbed on top of him and shoved his thighs apart in a desperate
rush to get inside of him. I poked and jabbed until he reached between us
and guided my anxious missile to his launching pad site. Immediately, I
pushed my way in. He gave no resistance. He admitted to me later that he'd
practiced that part with a carrot as well. I began humping him as
frantically as he'd been doing me. Josh whimpered in pleasurable grunts
with each thrust. In no time, I was overwhelmed by the most powerful orgasm
of my life, and I shoved my large dick as deeply as possible into his silky
smooth bowels and unloaded my aching balls into him. He flexed his ass ring
around my cock and groaned in reaction, which served to further heighten
the experience for me. When it was all over, we lay draped across each
other, panting and sweating. We fell asleep that way, spent and oozing only
to wake later that night and clean ourselves up. We kissed and cuddled in
the sleeping bag until we fell back to sleep. When morning came, we
repeated the event once more, only we went much slower and I enjoyed it in
a different way. It was less animalistic and more deliberate and meaningful
in the morning. We took our time and enjoyed the slow, steady motion within
each other as we slowly coaxed out one more amazing orgasm together. And
that's what happened on the Fourth of July ten years ago and has been
reenacted every year since. It is the only time we ever engage in
intercourse and we look forward to it all year long. Neither of us even
hints about doing it any other time. That day alone is our day to declare
in the most certain of terms that we still love each other and will
forever. Now, he has emailed me wanting to know my plans for this year's
celebration even after he was the best man at my wedding this past April
and should know I can't be still doing that with him. That's why I invited
you to lunch and told you all this personal stuff that no one else on the
planet knows about. So tell me, what the hell do I do?"

Randall sat back and adjusted his crotch. I'd apparently given him a
significant hardon. I'd given myself one as well. "That is quite a story,
Don. I think from what you just told me that we can safely assume Josh is
gay and he is deeply in love with you. If this annual event is a
declaration of your lifetime commitment to remain friends forever, then
this is his ultimate test of that for you. I can't tell you what you should
do. I know what I hope you will do, but I'm not going to tell you. I will
tell you this, though. If you decide to go through with it and carry on
your tradition with him, for God's sake, keep it between you and him. What
happens on the other side of the rainbow, should stay in Oz. Don't be
bringing it back to Kansas and tell Kerry about it. There's no value in
burdening your wife with this kind of information and you will only end up
damaging or ruining your relationship if you do. Just be damn sure you play
it safe. You have to start using condoms with Josh, if you do decide to
keep fucking with him."

"We already started doing that," I explained. "The second year we started
using them. We'd both experimented with girls during that year and Josh was
actually the one who insisted we start using them. I always wondered if
he'd maybe done some things with other guys as well, but I never pressed
him about it. Maybe he was worried I had. I know he worried about me when I
went to college and asked me often about any girls or guys I was messing
around with. I always told him the truth about the girls and that there
were no guys. Not sure he believed me. He told me when he dated as well,
which wasn't much." I rubbed my face in my hands and mumbled, "I don't know
what to do. I can't hurt Josh, but I can't cheat on Kerry. I can't be like
my old man. I don't know if I could keep that kind of secret from her. I'm
really not a very good liar. I don't know how it would change my sex life
with Kerry if I were to go through with this with Josh."

"Let me ask you something, Don," Randall said. "Are you certain that you're
straight? For a straight man, you certainly engaged in a lot of gay sex
with Josh over the years and it sounds like you liked it."

"Of course, I'm straight. I'm married."

Randall laughed. "Oh, trust me sister, you wouldn't be the first guy in a
mixed marriage. Just because you found a woman you connect with, doesn't
mean you aren't at least bisexual at heart."

"Well, Josh is the only guy I ever did anything with."

"Yes, but is he the only one you ever thought about doing it with? I
noticed at the gym, when you were leaving the sauna, you gave me more than
a casual glance and you weren't making eye contact, if you know what I
mean."

I blushed. I knew he was right. I did entertain fleeting thoughts, but they
were only fleeting. The waitress came by and said they were closing up soon
and asked if we wanted anything else. It was a breakfast and lunch only
place. Lots of places in the financial district closed after lunchtime.

"If you want to talk some more, I have a place we can go," Randall offered.

"I've taken up so much of your time already. I shouldn't impose on you
anymore. I appreciate you listening to my crazy life story. I know that's
not why you met me here."

"You're certainly right about that. I thought you were interested in a
little afternoon tryst. I'm more than a little disappointed about that, but
your story was fascinating and I'm glad you shared it with me. My day's
basically shot at this point anyway and sadly, I've got no big deals in the
fire at the moment, so what the hell. Come with me. I think you still need
to explore this thing some more and maybe I can help direct your thinking a
little."

"Thanks. I guess I would appreciate that if you're still willing."

"More than willing. Don't you know, drama is what gay men live for? Next to
hot sex and good food, drama is our favorite thing in life."

Along the way to wherever he was taking me, Randall told me a little about
his life. He shared his experience of growing up as an only child as
well. He was raised by two lawyers, who were consumed with their
careers. He always felt a little like an expensive trinket they liked to
show off to friends and then put back on the shelf next to their other
pieces of art. He'd recognized early on that he was gay and came out during
high school. It was readily accepted in his private school and no real
surprise to anyone, he said. He fell madly in love with his college
roommate and they had a two year fling only for the roommate to suddenly
bring home a girl and announce completely out of the blue that he was
moving in with her. Just like that, he was gone and it left Randall in
shambles for a long time. He talked about flitting from one gay
relationship to another until he found his current live-in, Dante. He said
the two of them were honest with each other about not being monogamous and
so it was cool. Sometimes, they even got into a little cuckolding. He had
to explain to me that this meant they enjoyed watching the other one having
sex with another guy. Sometimes they'd do it secretly from the closet and
sometimes, they'd sit there openly in the room and masturbate while it
happened. That was all very hard for me to fathom.

"Don't you want to find someone that you can be committed to? Someone to
grow old with and that you know you can depend on to always be there?" I
asked.

"Of course. Every girl's dream, right? Find Prince Charming and live
happily ever after. Nice dream, but hard to get. So I take what I can get."
He swiped a card and entered a high rise. He punched a code in on the
elevator and we were whisked up to the 15th floor. The hallway was nicely
decorated and then we entered a room. It was his condo. He lived in a
downtown condo. The place was nicely decorated with mirrors and strange
African art. There was a wooden carving of a well hung African warrior
completely nude and holding a spear in one corner. The colors were blazing
orange and vibrant greens. Unusual, but it worked. I was a little
uncomfortable being in his apartment. "You live here?"

"Yes. Dante and I share it. He already had it when we met and I kick in
half the payment. It's very convenient being downtown and we're close to
the night life. Do you like it?"

"Sure. It's nice."

"Please sit down." He directed me to a plush, leather couch. "I'll be right
back." When he returned, he'd shed his tie and left his shirt halfway
unbuttoned. He brought me a glass of red wine. "It's a nice smooth
vintage. I think you'll like it."

I did like it. "Yes, it's very nice. Just like you. You are a very nice
person to do this for me. Thank you."

"My pleasure. You clearly needed to talk this thing out. So let's explore
this gay side of you a little bit more. Why do you insist that you're not
at all gay?"

"I don't feel gay. I don't have any desire to go seek out guys. I only
looked for and dated women in college. Josh is the only guy who really
turns me on."

"But you showed interest in me at the gym. What about that?"

"Curiosity more than interest."

"Maybe. You kept my card. Most guys I do that to, and before you ask it,
the answer is no. I don't do that often. Only when I really, really like
the looks of a guy and feel drawn to him do I do that." I smiled at the
underlying flattery. He continued, "Most guys I give my card to toss it
back. Some even threaten me. You just took it without complaint."

"I started to toss it in the trash, but then I thought maybe you might have
some insight into my problem."

"Is that the only reason you kept it? Be honest."

I sighed. "No," I admitted. I didn't really think about you being able to
help me when I first kept the card. I thought about that later. Honestly, I
don't know for sure why I kept it."

"Is it possible you entertained the idea of doing what I'd suggested?"

"No. No, I didn't ..." I stopped myself and reflected on why I had kept the
card. Why hadn't I tossed it? Maybe he was more right than I wanted to
admit. "Maybe," I said softly. Randall refilled my wine glass. I took
another long sip.

"So is it possible that you love Josh more than just as a friend? Is it
possible that deep within, you know that he fulfills a certain need for
that kind of gay relationship?"

"It's possible. Sure. God, it's all so confusing."

"It can be, yes," Randall affirmed. We sat in silence and sipped the wine,
lost in our thoughts. I searched my soul and considered what he'd exposed
to me. What was I made up of? Was I more like my father than I wanted to
admit? Was I just suppressing the gayness in me? Did I have the courage to
hurt Josh in order to stay true and honest to Kerry? Did I love Kerry with
all my heart and could I stay faithful to her? I knew I would never stray
with another woman, but would it be cheating if I simply shared an
expression of friendship towards Josh. Kerry wouldn't object if I donated
my blood to save his life, why should she care if I donated a little sperm
for his welfare? It wouldn't impact our lives either way. For that matter,
would it be cheating if I had chosen to do something more than just talk
with Randall? I supposed it would be cheating in that case. I wondered if
even confiding all of this with Randall, a total stranger, instead of with
my wife wasn't already a breach of my marriage commitment. We'd promised
each other to love, honor and cherish and to be honest and open with each
other in all things. But how much had she shared with me? I really didn't
know about her pre-marital sexual experiences in any detail, only that they
were, like mine, limited. At least my heterosexual ones were limited.

After finishing my second glass of wine, I set the glass down and looked at
Randall. "I'm still very confused about what I should do. Maybe, even more
confused."

"I'm sorry for that. I wish I could simply tell you what you should do, but
that would not be right since it would not be your decision. This must be
your decision. Only then, will you be able to live with it, whatever you
choose." He placed his hand on my shoulder, near my neck and gave it a
gentle squeeze. "My, you are tight as a snare drum. This thing really has
you tensed up. Come with me. I might not be able to solve your dilemma but
I can help you with your tension." He stood and then offered me a hand. He
lifted me from the couch and led me to a bedroom. In the middle of the room
stood a professional massage table. There was a towel draped over it. He
hit a dimmer style light switch and adjusted it to a soft glow.

"What's this?" I asked.

"I'm a trained masseuse. My parents insisted that I work while I attended
school, to build my character. I took a physical therapy class and part of
it covered massage therapy. I found that I enjoyed it and took a night
school course. I worked weekends and some evenings at an expensive resort
near BC giving massages. I'm quite good at it. It will help you relax and
clear your mind. Undress to your boxers and lie on your stomach."

I started to object but he hushed me with a finger to my lips. He assured
me it would help and that there were no ulterior motives. He loosened and
removed my tie and then unbuttoned my shirt. I relented and pulled the
shirt tail free of my pants and took it off. Randall undid my belt and then
knelt and removed my shoes and socks while I finished unzipping my pants. I
dropped them and climbed onto the table. It was just a kind gesture from a
kind, sensitive man who wanted to help me, I told myself. There was really
no harm in it. I really was tense and perhaps it would be just what I
needed to clear my mind.

I closed my eyes and moaned softly when he pressed his thumbs into the
small of my back and then rotated them down and under until his palms
spread the tension outward from my muscles. He really was very good at
it. I'd only had two other massages in my life. One was with my roommates
in college and included a 'happy ending' from the young Asian girl for an
extra $100 that I didn't really have to spend. I wouldn't have gone except
my rich roomie offered to pay. It was utterly dissatisfying. Jacking myself
off was actually much better than that experience had been in spite of her
allowing me to rub her breasts while she performed the illegal act on
me. The other time was at a resort and that was much nicer. It was done by
a man and was completely non-sexual. It was very relaxing and enjoyable,
but that masseuse was not nearly as talented as Randall was. Randall was
truly exceptional at it.

He worked my back and neck thoroughly before moving down to my legs and
feet. As he ground his knuckles into the bottoms of my feet, an erogenous
zone for me, I began to bone up. I resisted it but it was difficult to
prevent. Then he worked back up my legs and reached under my boxers and
caressed my ass cheeks. I thought momentarily about objecting, but it felt
so good and he had been trained as a professional. Then he kneaded each
cheek briefly before taking the hem o fmy boxers and sliding it down. He
pressed his strong hands into the bare cheeks of my ass. He applied more of
the sweet smelling massage oil to my ass and began working it over. He used
a warm, damp cloth to clean between my crack and then slipped a finger
between the crack of my ass and fingered my rosebud while he rubbed the
space between my balls and my ass with his other hand. I could not control
it any longer and became fully erect. He stopped what he was doing and
pulled my boxers hem back up. He patted my ass and said, "Roll over."

I resisted.

"It's all right. No worries that you've got anerection. It is a normal
reaction to such touching. If you didn't, I wouldn't be doing a proper
job. Now roll over." He gripped my hip and gave a gentle pull. I relented
again against better judgment. I honestly did want it to continue. I was
really enjoying it. I told myself that it's just a massage.

Once I was over, I kept my eyes closed tightly and felt renewed tension
over the innappriate nature of the experience. I was mostly naked, boned up
and being rubbed down by a horny gay man. I wondered what I was doing and
considered stopping him and leaving. But I did not. He began on my chest
and abs. Then he did my legs and once more my feet. Then, as I feared, he
took my boxers down. He lifted my ass up enough to pull them down and took
them completely off. I did not fight against it. What happened next shocked
me from my complacent denial. When he slipped my large penis into his
mouth, I opened my eyes and lifted my head to witness my dick disappear
into his warm, moist mouth. He did amazing things to my dick with his
tongue and then he swallowed me whole and allowed his throat to stimulate
my tip by clenching and releasing against it.

Suddenly, a wave of panic overcame me. I took his face in hand and pulled
him off me. "Stop!" I cried out. "This is wrong! What the hell am I doing?
I can't violate Josh's trust like this. I can't."

Randall stood up and looked me in the eye. "Josh? Not Kerry?"

I was slammed with guilt. "Kerry too, yes, of course. Josh and Kerry. I, I
can't do this to either of them. Oh my God, what have I done?"

Randall placed his hand on my chest and pressed a finger to my lips. "You
just did what you really wanted to do. Deep down, you knew where this would
lead and you wanted it. Don't lie to yourself. Accept who you are and if
you choose to engage in it, fine. If you choose to deny it for the sake of
your relationship with Kerry, then fine. But don't deny its
existence. That's the most dangerous thing you could do and will mess with
your head every day. Remember, what happens over the rainbow, stays in
Oz. Got it?"

"You don't need to tell me that."

"Are you sure you don't want me to finish you off. You've let it go this
far, you might as well get the reward. I'm very good at it and I'd love to
taste what you've got to offer."

"No. No, I'm sorry. I need to go."

Randall looked disappointed and shrugged. "My loss. I hope you settle your
dilemma and I hope whatever you decide to do, you find joy and peace in
your decision. Just in case you're ever interested, keep my card." He
leaned in and kissed my dick, then walked out. "Kerry and Josh are very
lucky to have you," he said as he left. "And from the sound of it, you're
pretty damn lucky to have both of them. If Josh didn't live on a farm, I'd
be tempted to try and steal him away. I could never live on a farm."

I quickly dressed feeling like an absolute jerk. I was dumbfounded as to
how I'd found myself in such a compromising situation. I couldn't believe I
was that vulnerable over this whole thing with Josh. My feelings for him
ran deep within my psyche and I now realized it more than I'd ever allowed
myself to believe. In all honesty, I knew that if Josh had opposed my
marriage to Kerry, I probably would have called it off. But he hadn't. He
had been completely supportive and seemingly happy for me. I left without
seeing Randall, perhaps he was in his bedroom getting himself off since I'd
left him hanging. That would not have surprised me.

I walked briskly back toward downtown and decided I should get my car out
of the parking garage before people started leaving work and saw me since I
was supposed to be sick. I hated telling lies. I believe that if you just
tell the truth, life is so much easier because you don't have to try and
remember what you told to whom. It also seemed like one lie leads to
another and then another until you eventually get caught. Then you not only
have to suffer for the thing you lied about but for the act of lying as
well. It only doubles the mess. If you tell the truth and face up to
whatever you hope to avoid, you usually can deal with the messy shit and
move on. When you lie, the shit is always still there just waiting for you
accidentally step in it. And sooner or later, you usually do.

I drove to a park where I liked to go and think. I bought an iced coffee at
Starbucks before pulling into the park. I walked over to my favorite bench
near a fountain and sipped my coffee and stared at the streaming waters,
semi-mesmerized. I tried not to think about what I'd just done but it
pushed its way into my thoughts. I blew out a sigh. I'd cheated on
everyone. I'd fallen into Randall's trap, and to be honest with myself, I
had to admit that I'd let myself. I somehow wanted to cheat and prove to
myself that I was the same kind of scum as my old man. Prove that I didn't
deserve either Josh's love or Kerry's. I struggled with feeling worthy of
love after my screwed up family life. But no one seemed to care. They just
loved me anyway. I was thankful that I mustered the courage to escape
Randall's lair before it went too far. But didn't I want it to go further?
Didn't I want to test my interest in the wild side? Was I gay to some
degree, large or small? Did I quit too soon before really finding out? So
many more questions than answers.

I set the coffee next to me on the bench and pulled out Randall's card. I
held it between my finger and thumb and stared at it. Then I reached into
my pocket and pulled out my cell phone. "Hi, it's me. Let's do dinner -
Antonio's, I'm in the mood for some good pasta and sauce - early, so we
still have plenty of time for some additional activities - we'll see,
whatever pops up. Bye." Then I stood up and walked to the trash can and
tossed Randall's card into it along with my receipt from lunch. I felt a
little better with the evidence gone.

When I finished my coffee and still hadn't come to any real conclusion, I
drove home. When Kerry got home, she jumped into my arms and gave me a big
kiss. I looked in her eyes and was flooded with guilt. I felt my face get
hot and blush. "I'm so happy you came home early. I'm excited for dinner
tonight. I love Antonio's and I can't wait to get my hands on whatever pops
up later on," she bubbled.

I smiled. I didn't deserve her. I really didn't. "Yeah, I'm excited too."
When we got to Antonio's it was still early enough that I got a private
booth near the back. We ordered wine and I resolved to only drink one
glass. After we gave our order and I heard about the events of her day at
the office, she asked me how things had gone with my day. This was my first
test. I momentarily thought, "Oh, not much, I just got this email from my
old friend, Josh, wanting me to come visit for the Fourth of July and
engage in our annual anal intercourse up on Stony Ridge. Then I met this
stranger at the gym and went for an erotic massage and blowjob in his
downtown condo. Just another day."

Instead, I started down the path of lies. "It was uneventful really. Do we
have plans for the Fourth of July?"

"No. Do you want to make some?" she asked brightly.

"Remember last year when I went for the Fourth of July to visit my best
friend, Josh?"

"I do remember that. You were really excited about going. Didn't you two go
camping or something?"

"We did. We've been doing that for the past nine years. We started when we
were sixteen and this would be our tenth anniversary of doing it together."

"That's great. I didn't know it was that kind of a tradition with you
guys. That sounds great to me. I'd love to go camping with you and Josh."

I swallowed. I hadn't seen that coming. "I'd love to go camping with you
also, but the thing is, Josh is having some hard times right now and kind
of needs me to be there for him like he was there for me when my parents
divorced. What if we went camping the following weekend and I flew back to
help poor Josh out on the holiday?"

She looked sad and very disappointed, but didn't express it out loud. "I
understand. If he needs you then you have to go. What's his problem?"

"Usual. Relationship trouble. He got dumped after a long relationship and
he's really hurting. He even went to the wedding. Probably not a good idea
that he did."

"Oh. I understand. That's why I love you so much. You're always putting
others ahead of yourself." She leaned over the table and we kissed. She
smiled and her eyes emanated love for me, a love I definitely didn't
deserve.

"It stays in Oz," I thought to myself, "on the other side of the rainbow."
What I said out loud was, "The reason I love you so much, is because you're
so wonderfully understanding and sweet yourself. Thanks. Where should we go
when I get back?"

"I'd like to go Big Pine. But would it be all right if we stayed in a
cabin. I'm not sure I'm really ready to do that whole tent and no shower
thing yet."

"A cabin with a shower it is. Suits me better too. Sleeping on the ground
is losing its luster with me also. Did I ever tell you about the time on a
scout trip when ..." I was interrupted with our appetizer arriving. Lie one
was in the bag. I spent the rest of the dinner sharing old stories about
Josh and I and some of the fun and crazy things we'd done together. Kerry
was fascinated and shared some happy childhood memories of her own. I was
reminded why I loved her and how easy it was to be with her. We laughed
easily and I pushed Randall completely out of my mind, back to Oz.

When we got home, I checked the mail and let the dog in. I got on my
computer and booked a flight for July 3rd. I emailed my boss and told him I
was feeling much better but I would need July 3rd and 5th off since I
needed to travel back to my hometown for personal reasons. Then I emailed
Josh and told him what time I'd arrive at the airport some sixty-five miles
north of our little farm town. Lastly, I booked a weekend at Barlow's Big
Pine resort for me and Kerry the following weekend. I was pretty sure the
word 'resort' was being used very loosely. I printed the confirmation off
and walked into the bedroom to share it with Kerry. When I walked in, there
were candles burning, giving off a nice vanilla fragrance. My beautiful
wife was lying naked on the bed. Soft classical music was playing and she
had the cleanup towels lying between our pillows. I smiled. "About time,"
she said, "I've been waiting for something to come along and pop up."

I quickly pulled my clothes off and as I freed my boner, I asked,
"Something like this maybe?"

"Exactly like that."

I jumped on the bed and crawled between her legs and we began making out
and thrashing around. The sex was good, like it always was with her, up
until she pushed away and slid down, kissing her way along my chest and abs
towards my dick. When she sucked me into her mouth, I reacted badly. I
jerked it back out and reached down under her cheek. "What? I thought you
loved doing that?"

"I do. I really do, but not tonight. I'm just not in the mood for that
tonight."

"Okay," she said a bit bewildered. "We don't need to do that if you don't
want to." Then she crawled up on top of me and mounted herself on my
partially shrinking dick. That brought it back to full erection and I was
glad she was taking control of the sex instead of leaving it up to me. I
wasn't sure I could have managed it once Randall crept back into my head,
triggered by her sucking on me. The guilt that flooded over me when she
sucked on me was overwhelming. I struggled to ignore the guilt and I faked
the passion and I had to really concentrate hard to achieve an orgasm. That
had never happened before. I was worried I couldn't ever rid myself of the
guilt and I'd be saddled with it forever. I knew Kerry sensed something was
wrong, but she wisely didn't press me about it.

"Back to Oz," I muttered.

"What?" Kerry asked.

"I umm, said like going to Oz. You're like the Wizard of Oz when it comes
to making love."

When it was over, she draped her soft body over me and we kissed tenderly
and exchanged expressions of love for each other. I blew out the candles
and we spent the rest of the evening just enjoying each other's naked
softness.

Before I knew it, the third of July had arrived. I kissed Kerry as she
dropped me off at the airport curb. "Have fun," she said.

"Thanks. I'll try. I'll miss you."

"Miss you already," she said. We kissed again and the curb cop headed our
way to make us move the car. I grabbed my bag and headed in. Josh was
taking care of all the camping gear so I didn't need to pack much. Since we
normally spent the holiday mostly naked, what was there to really pack?

When I landed and texted Josh, he replied that he was already at the curb
waiting. That made me smile. Trusty Josh was always there to pick me up. I
tossed my bag in the back of the truck and off we went.

"How are things on the farm?" I asked.

"Good. Jimbo and his wife are taking the north sections and I'm taking over
the south sections. Pops is finally retiring and turning the farm over to
us. Jacob, the smart one, is living in Denver and works as an environmental
engineer. He has no interest in the farm. I suppose I'll live at home and
take care of the parents as they get older. It's a good life, I suppose. I
sure miss you, though."

"Miss you too. I'm surprised you can carve out time at this time of year
for this trip if you're running your own acreage."

"Have to. Some things are just too important to miss. This is one of those
things." He looked over at me with a loving expression.

"Yes. Yes it is."

"I wasn't sure you'd come - now that you're married and all. I'm sure glad
you did. Was Kerry okay with it?"

"Sure. Kerry's great. She was totally supportive." I chuckled and added,
"She wanted to come camping with us up on the ridge. I had to tell her a
little white lie to get to come alone."

Josh gave me another long look. "That wouldn't work out at all now, would
it?"

"No. Not at all." We chuckled over it.

"I think I got everything ready. I even got the Crisco in the sandwich
bag. Mom made us the same baked beans with molasses in them that you like
so much and brownies, just like the first time. I hope this can be just
like the first time."

"Me too, I guess. Except for doing it raw, of course."

"About that. I went into the city and got myself tested. I'm clean as can
be and I'm sure that since Kerry and all, you must be too. I was thinking
we could do it bare just like the first time again. Want to?"

"I guess. Sure." I smiled. He beamed. "You're really excited for this,
aren't you?"

"Kind of."

"Kind of my ass. You're stoked up like a barn fire over it."

He laughed. "I can't lie. I have been thinking about it for a long
time. It's important to me, you know? It means a lot that you came. It
really means a lot."

"Josh, can I ask you something?"

"Of course. That's what being forever friends is all about."

"Are you gay?"

He swerved and then corrected and looked at me stupefied. He didn't answer
for a while even after he had to look back at his driving.

"Kind of."

I laughed. "Kind of? Either you are or you're not. You can't kind of be
gay."

"Okay then, I'm gay." He swallowed hard "I kind of thought you knew that."

"I'm a little dense about that stuff, you know?"

"Yeah, you always were. Does it change things between us? Me being gay?"
There was absolute desperation and fear in his quivering voice.

"Not really. I just wanted to know, forever friend to forever friend." A
silence ensued. That had been a conversation killer. I could see the
turmoil in his expression and he was trying to focus too hard on his
driving in order to avoid making eye contact with me. I wished I could get
inside his head and hear what he was thinking.

"Josh, it doesn't matter to me at all. I still love you completely. It's no
different between us. Honestly." He smiled a relieved smile and his
countenance lifted.

"Do your parents and brothers know?" I asked.

"Kind of. They suspect. I've seen no need to throw it out there. I just
don't date and I probably won't. I got my trusty hand and my memories to
get me through my sexual needs."

"Memories?"

"Of us. Lord Almighty, we had some incredible sexy times together. I miss
it. I wish things didn't have to change. I wish every day I could go back
to middle school and we could be young lovers again."

I was taken back that he chose the word 'lovers' instead of friends or
buddies. It highlighted what Randall had warned me of. He was in love with
me. He had our relationship on a different emotional plane. I used that as
a springboard to change the subject. Our conversation switched to
reminiscing about the good old days.

At the farmhouse, I was greeted by Josh's mom and dad and Jimbo. My mother
had been invited and it was good to see her. She looked better than she had
in a while. She had no live-in lover and hadn't had one for a while, since
before my wedding. She'd gotten a job at the school and quit the diner. I
realized how I'd shut her out. I should have known all of that and I
resolved to be a better son and call her more often. Jimbo and his wife
were there with their new baby son, James Junior. It was fun to watch Josh
dote over the baby and play the role of the proud uncle. We had one of
Mom's famous meals with roast beef, mashed potatoes with gravy, fresh green
beans and Jell-O salad. There were apple dumplings for dessert.

"You just can't get that kind of cooking in the big city," I
said. "Thanks."

"Glad you liked it." Josh's sweet mom humbly said. "Weren't that much,
really."

We sat around and shared small talk and memories over coffee until Jimbo
announced they needed to get James Junior home. Josh changed him and
dressed him in his onesie pajamas before turning him over to Jimbo's
wife. He gently kissed the little one's forehead and walked them out. When
he came back in, he said, "We better get some sleep for our trip. Leaving
early, you know. I'll be over at five to pick you up. Be ready."

"Five. Damn. I'd forgotten that time comes twice a day since moving away
from farm country."

"Shoot. Day's half over by five," Pops joked. We all laughed. I drove my
mother home after giving hugs all around. The place was cleaner than it had
been. I complimented Mom on it. She seemed pleased that I noticed. My room
hadn't changed. I hung the few clothes I'd brought on the rod overhead and
then went to the living room. I sat next to Mom on the same old worn out
couch.

"How are you doing, Mom?" I asked.

"Good Don. I'm doing real good."

"I'm sorry I haven't called more. I'm not a very good son."

"You're a much better son than I was a mom."

"Don't say that. You did your best and I know you had it hard. I love you,
Mom." She started to cry. I slid over and put my arm around her.

"You don't know how good it is to hear that from you. I love you too,
Donald. I'm so sorry for all you had to live with growing up. Sure is a
good thing Josh and his family took to you. I'm just so sorry I wasn't
better."

"You were fine. It's all right. You seem so good right now. Are you happy?
Do you need money or anything?" I asked.

"No. I don't need anything. My new job's wonderful. They treat me so good
and the pay is better. I'm fine. I'm so happy for you. I'm so glad you
found such a nice girl to marry. So sad she couldn't come with you. Maybe
next time?"

"Definitely. Maybe we can come for Christmas. I'll talk with Kerry about
it."

"I'd love that. My place isn't too fancy, but I do keep it clean now."

"Kerry wouldn't care either way. She's the least judgmental person I know."

"She's a jewel. You treat her good, you understand me. You treat her good."

"I will Mom. I will. I better get to bed. Good night."

"Good night, Donald. Sweet dreams."

"Sweet dreams."

As I lay in bed, thoughts flooded my brain like rapids in a raging river
during spring runoff. Josh was gay. He thought we had been young lovers. He
was desperately looking forward to this anniversary of ours and my mother
had fixed her life and worried that I didn't love her. I called Kerry and
it was so good to hear her voice. Even though it was late, I needed to talk
to her. I'd already called her earlier and let her know I'd arrived safely,
but I just needed to hear her voice again to chase the other demons
out. Not the least of which was Randall. I didn't want to spend any more
time on the other side of the rainbow. I didn't want to have to leave a
pile of messy shit behind to avoid at every step. If I felt guilt from the
little thing I did with Randall how would fucking with Josh affect my sex
life with Kerry? I couldn't, wouldn't hurt Josh and I couldn't, wouldn't
hurt Kerry. But I didn't see how to do that without going back to Oz. "Good
night. I love you," I said to my sweet wife.

"Love you more," she replied. I thought how true that was and wondered why
since I was so unworthy of it.

Morning came quickly. I swore I hadn't slept more than ten minutes when the
alarm on my phone went off.

Josh was outside waiting when I stepped out at 4:55. I tossed the few
things I was taking, toothbrush and deodorant, a change of clothes and a
swimsuit just in case the pond had other visitors. I almost hoped it
would. I could use that for an excuse to evade my dilemma if other people
were there.

Josh recounted all the different little adventures of our nine other trips
to Stony Ridge along the drive to the trailhead. I chipped in once in a
while, but mostly I just listened to him go on about it. We arrived and I
merged my small pack into the larger pack that Josh had for me. As we
started hiking, it felt like I was a boy again and had no cares or
worries. It felt like we were the same old sixteen year old buddies going
on another carefree adventure we'd been on that first trip. I remembered
how excited and nervous I had been on the first time.

"Look," Josh said excitedly. "A massive ant hill." He bent down and began
studying the ants.

"Just like the first time, right?"

"Kind of. Except the ant hill was more up on top of the ridge. Ants would
sure make good farmers. Wish I could hire some summer hands with their kind
of work ethic. Since they tightened up on immigration, I can't hardly find
a worker worth his salt any longer."

We watched for a while and then headed back along the trail. "I sure liked
watching you with James Junior last night. You're going to be a super uncle
to him."

"Yeah. I love the little bugger to death. Isn't he cute?"

"Kind of," I joked.

He spun around and stuck his hands on his hips. "Kind of?"

"Okay, okay. Extremely cute."

"Better." Then he asked me, "Are you and Kerry planning on kids?"

"Definitely. We're thinking three is a good number."

"Great. Any chance I can get Godfather status?"

"Nope. No chance about it, That's a 100% certainty."

He stopped and turned around. He walked back to me and took my face in his
hands. He leaned his forehead against mine. "Thank you." He then kissed
me. I kissed back.

When we broke the kiss, I said, "That's a violation of the anniversary
rules you know. We never kissed until we got to the pond before."

He laughed. "A new tradition here and there can't hurt."

When we did reach the pond, it was vacant. Truth was, it had always been
vacant. It wasn't the kind of place people would be drawn to. It was just a
small pond in a small clearing somewhat off the beaten path. We shed our
packs and stripped naked. We ran into the pond and splashed each
other. After a time, we stood in thigh deep water and came together to
embrace. "You grew a few more pubic hairs since that day in the irrigation
pond back when you showed off your first ones to me."

He laughed and jiggled his balls. "Not only that, I got real eggs now
instead of gooseberries."

I laughed loud and hard. "You remember that?"

"Kind of. I did have little berries back then. I never could catch up to
you. You have one desirable package. Does Kerry appreciate what you've
got?"

I shook my head and said, "I think so. She seems to. I'd really rather not
talk about Kerry while we're up here. This trip is about you and me."

He smiled and said, "Sure. You and me. Thanks." We embraced again and we
began kissing. I lost myself in the boyish memories of sharing our bodies
and our love. I was flooded with a warm glow as we kissed in the pond with
the cool water on our legs and the heat of our groins pressed together.

We made out for maybe ten minutes before I felt something slippery brush
against my leg. I jumped and cried out, "What was that?"

"My tongue, you goober."

"No, something touched my leg."

"Fish. Look at the dark shapes swimming there."

"Someone's stocked the pond. What if they show up to do some fishing
tonight?"

"Then they'll end up with quite a story to tell at the bar tomorrow
night. Won't they?"

"I guess," I agreed.

We headed out and laid out a towel on the grass. We built a fire and
roasted our hot dogs and heated our beans. We talked freely and
comfortably. I managed to keep Kerry and Randall well out of my thoughts
and it was just like old times with Josh. "So you plan on going through
life without a companion?" I asked.

"Kind of. Don't have a lot of alternatives."

"You could leave and go to a city where you could find others ..."

"Others like me?" Josh filled in.

"Or like me. Someone you could love and who could love you back. Someone
you could make a life with."

"I don't think I could live like that and I don't want anyone else like
you. There was a time, I pretended that somehow I could have you. You were
all I ever wanted. When you left for college, I knew better. I knew that
was the end of it for me. I held out hope, though, as you kept coming back
every year for our annual Stony Ridge trip. Then when you got married, I
knew that was it for sure. I planned on forgetting about inviting you
again. But I really hoped we could keep it up. I can't tell you how happy
you made me when you said you were coming. It helped me know that you
really loved me - that it wasn't just lip service. It showed me that it
wasn't just about getting some sex until you could get it from a woman."

"Josh, have you done sex stuff with anyone else besides me? Guys, I mean. I
know about the girls."

Josh hung his head. "I lied about the girls. I drove to Denver a few times
and there's this place where you can find guys for..."

"Casual sex?"

"Kind of."

"How many times did you do that?"

"A few. I'm not proud of it. I started when I was seventeen. It wasn't like
doing it with you. It was - empty."

"Yeah. I get that. It was never fulfilling for me either with the women I
did it with until I met Kerry."

"I thought you didn't want to talk about Kerry. Just you and me, remember?"

"That's right. Just you and me up here." I leaned in and kissed him. He
kissed me back. We dressed and tossed a ball back and forth. We tossed a
Frisbee and challenged each other to try and hit trees around the
clearing. Finally, we packed up our dinner of chicken salad and chips and
lemonade and of course, the brownies and hiked up to the ridge.

We ate and chatted while we waited for the fireworks to start. "Isn't this
wonderful? Just like old times," he said as he scooted next to me and took
my hand in his. I thought about Randall and what he had told me about how
much Josh loved me and how I needed to not hurt him.

"Josh," I began.

"Yes?" He sensed my serious tone.

"I need to tell you something. I need to be completely honest with
you. Last week when I got your email..." I paused to make sure I phrased it
right. "I was a little conflicted over it. I left work early and went to
the fitness club to mull it over. While I was there, I ..." I wanted to get
it off my chest. I wanted to confide my guilt to someone.

"You don't need to explain. I understand. I was afraid of this."

"Wait. What do you think I was going to say?"

"You can't go through with this anymore. Now that you're married you can't
be with me anymore. Right?"

"Well, that was one of my concerns, yes. But I was also concerned that
maybe I really wanted to be with you. I thought maybe I needed to be with
you instead of with Kerry. In some ways, I do. I love you, Josh. I really
love you. And I'm not just talking like a brother here. I mean real,
sincere love." I was glad he'd interrupted me. I was glad I hadn't told him
about Randall like I'd been planning to do. I continued speaking my heart
surprising myself with what I was saying, "I think I could make a life with
you and be perfectly happy and content. I hadn't realized that until I had
a chance to really explore that side of myself with someone I confided
in. I'm really confused about who I am right now, but I'm certain that I
love you and I always will. The question is how."

"What about she who must not be named?" Josh asked, trying I think, to
lighten the mood.

I chuckled. "Well that's the problem isn't it? If I'd realized this about
me and you before she came into my life, it would be easy. Now, not so
much."

"You're talking crazy shit now. Leaving Kerry for me? No way. I'd never let
you do that. I love you with all my heart, Don. I always will. I want you
to be happy more than I want anything else. Kerry makes you happy and you
two belong together. I'm thrilled you love me enough to even consider
that. I mean that."

At the sound of the first cannon boom and subsequent explosion of brilliant
red and blue sparks, we cozied up and put our arms around each other. We
fell into silence as we watched the fireworks explode over Stony Reservoir
with childlike wonder. Fireworks always brought out the little child in
me. When the finale burst forth with its seemingly endless array of color
and popping and whistling sounds, we smiled at each other and kissed
again. We'd never kissed so much before our own grand finale in the
tent. But it felt right this time.

As the last sparks died out and the sky fell dark again, we gathered up our
things and began the trek back to camp. This was the moment of truth. I had
Josh's permission to opt out. I knew he had been honest about it. It would
be one less thing to leave in Oz and I was thankful for that. I looked back
at the sky where the bright glare of the fireworks show had been. I was
sorry that it had ended for another year. But I was glad I got to
experience it. All things, it seemed, no matter how spectacular, had to
eventually come to an end.

When we reached the tent, we pulled our boots off and crawled in. Josh
knelt on the bed and waited for me to make some kind of move or comment. I
waited to see what I would do myself because honestly, I had no idea
still. I turned on the battery powered lantern, and I crawled slowly toward
him. I kneeled across from him for some time. Then I reached out and pulled
his shirt up and off. He tentatively did the same to mine. Then I removed
his belt, unbuttoned his jeans and pulled down the zipper. In a minute, we
were both naked. I pulled him into an embrace and asked, "How does this go
again? Who goes first?"

He snickered, "I put mine in you first. Then you do it to me."

"That's right. Well, what are you waiting for?" I dropped onto my back and
hoisted my legs, grasping my knees. He sprang from the bed and retrieved
the Crisco. He smeared it over my bud and pressed some into my hole with
his fingers. In a flash he was between my legs like a hog on slop. I felt
the familiar push against my ring and I relaxed it for him. He pushed all
the way in and then laid on top of me. We kissed, then we made out, then we
got serious. We thrashed and bit and groaned out loud as he pounded me. I
relished the intense sensations against my prostate and it nearly made me
cum prematurely. At last, he repeated the experience of our first time,
driving himself deep into my ass and crying out in complete ecstasy. When
he was done, he pulled out and rolled off me, panting and smiling
contentedly.

I greased him up and smeared some over my dick and then made my entry. I
was pretty worked up and now I'd made the decision to go forward, I was
very into doing it again with him. At first, I caught myself comparing the
difference between his anus and my wife's vagina, but that had a chilling
effect on the process so I focused solely on Josh's anus. I gave him an
equal ass pounding to the one I'd just received from him and like the first
time, ten years before, I came quickly. I howled like a wolf as I unloaded
my balls into his warm body, firmly connected with the boy I loved - the
boy I'd love forever. When I finished, I left myself lodged within him and
we kissed tenderly until my flaccid dick was expelled by his constricting
anus. Like before, we made no effort to clean up. I felt my ooze dripping
from his ass onto my limp cock. We kissed and snuggled until sleep overtook
us.

This year, we didn't wake until morning had arrived. When we did stir, we
looked at ourselves and began to giggle, like when we were young boys. I
kissed him and he kissed me back. "That was wonderful. It was just like I
remembered it," I said. "Did you enjoy it?"

"Kind of." he answered with a smirk.

"Hey!" I complained.

He laughed since he'd gotten the reaction he was looking for from me."Kind
of FREAKING UNBELIEVABLY AMAZING!!" he exclaimed.

"That's more like it." I kissed him again. "Ready for round two?"

"You bet. Are you? You don't have to if you don't ..." I pressed my finger
to his lips.

I positioned him and smeared some Crisco on my growing dick. I entered him
and slow danced his prostate for a good thirty minutes. We didn't talk. At
least not with words. A warm glow filled me as I slow fucked my best friend
in the world. My first lover and life long confidant. Just before I let
myself crest and cum again within him, I said, "I love you, Josh." He
kissed me hard on the lips as I tensed up and spilled myself into him.

I rolled over, made myself available to him, and he slipped easily into
me. "We are one, once more. Just you and me, inseparable. Forever friends."

We kissed tenderly as he humped me slowly. After ten or so minutes, he
quivered and thrust into me delivering his load. When he was finished, he
raised up on his elbows and said, "I love you, Don. I love you with all my
heart. Because I love you, I have to let you be with Kerry without feeling
pressured to keep doing this every year with me. You need her and she needs
you and you don't need me in your head whne you're with her. I will always
love you, though. Thank you for loving me. It's enough to know that you
do. Thanks for giving me this one last gift."

The hike back was hard. Not physically, but emotionally. I felt like I had
just experienced my last fireworks show and though I was sad to see it end,
I was so glad I had been able to be part of it. I knew then I could leave
everything that happened there over the rainbow in Oz where it truly did
belong. I wasn't worried about stepping in the mess. There was no mess. All
was right and all was good.

The goodbye at the airport the next day wasn't nearly as hard as I'd
anticipated. Josh was actually in quite high spirits. I promised I'd be
back with Kerry at Christmas time. I hugged all around and complimented my
mom on her new hairstyle. She beamed. I hugged Josh for a long time and
said, "Friends forever?"

"Kind of," he answered.

"All's good then."

"All's more than good. It's great."

I was so excited to see Kerry when she picked me up at the airport. I
twirled her around and swept her into a swooning kiss. I tossed my bags in
the back seat of our Avalon and off we went home. We no sooner got inside
the house and the door shut than she dragged me to the bedroom. We tore off
our clothes and had intense sex.

"So how was your time?" she asked as we lay together during the refractory.

"Nice. I got to see my mom and she's doing great. She has a new job at the
school and she's really transformed herself. I need to call her more
often. I've been neglectful of that."

"Want me to remind you?"

"Sure. I'd like that. You need to do something to earn your keep around
here."

She smacked me in the arm, "Excuse me, whose paycheck is bigger?"

"Yours," I admitted.

"Besides, you get your money's worth in bed. Don't you?"

"Kind of," I smirked.

"KIND OF?" she said indignant.

I laughed. "That's something Josh always says. You're definitely an E
ticket ride in bed. No argument from me."

"E ticket?"

"It's a reference to Disneyland. Back in the early days, the Disneyland
tickets had different values and all the good rides took an E ticket. The
lame ones were A tickets."

"Oh. You better think I'm an E ticket. So am I Space Mountain or Star
Tours?" she asked in her playful manner.

"If you ask our neighbors, they'd probably say you were California
Screamin," I joked.

She hit me again. "Oh you." I pulled her into me and we kissed tenderly. A
warm glow spread from our lips down through my body. I wondered how on
earth I could be so lucky as to be loved by two such wonderful people as
Josh and Kerry.

"Do I satisfy you when we make love. Is there something you'd like that I
don't do for you?"

"You're great. Sometimes, I think it might be fun to try some of those sex
toys just to mix it up, but we don't really need them. That monster of
yours definitely gets me off."

"That's cool. What kind of toys?"

"I don't know, like something that vibrates might be fun. Why? Is there
something you'd like you're not getting?"

"Well..."

"Don't be shy. Tell me."

I hesitated. I was afraid to tip my hand. "Maybe something that stimulates
my prostate. I heard that can be amazing. I don't know. I don't really need
anything. You're amazing in bed and I'm really good at it. You're
especially good at sucking on me. I sometimes wish I wasn't quite as big so
you could get it all the way in, but being big has advantages too."

"You're so funny." She snuggled against me and started fondling my balls
with her fingers. "By the way, how is Josh?" she asked.

"Good. He's fine now. It's good that I went. He needed confirmation that I
still cared about him. I doubt he'll ever marry. He's pretty broken up over
the loss he experienced. I really care about him. We will be friends
forever."

"That's nice. If you ever need to go visit him, I'm good with it."

"That's good to know. You're so supportive. I love you."

"I love you more," she said.

"I know. I don't know why you do, but I'm glad."

Our time at Big Pine the following weekend was fun. We swam and sailed on
the lake and we took long nature walks. Along the way, we knelt and watched
the activity at a large anthill. "Did you know that there is roughly the
same biomass of ants on this planet as there is biomass of humans? Also,
ants can carry up to fifty times their body weight," I spouted.

"No. How did you learn that?" she wanted to know.

"Josh. He's really into ants and now he's an uncle. I forgot to mention his
brother has a baby boy and Josh is the most amazing uncle to him. He loves
him to death."

"That's sweet."

"He asked if he could be a Godfather to our kids when we have some."

"Did you tell him yes?"

"Sure did. That okay?"

"Of course. When do you want to start a family?" she asked.

"Soon. I said. Soon. Not before next summer though. I need the next
promotion."

When we went to bed in the cabin that night, we snuggled naked under the
covers. "I have a surprise for you," she said. She slipped under the covers
and spread my legs apart. She greased up my butt and then pressed some sort
of sex toy against it. The smooth round toy slid up against my
prostate. Then, Kerry took my rock hard penis into her mouth and to my
utter surprise, began deep throating me while she stimulated my prostate
with the curved toy. I came in very short order with a powerful orgasm that
she took completely in her mouth. While I was gasping for air, she pulled
the toy free of my clenching ass and slid back up to face me. "Like it?"

"No. I loved it! Where did you find that and when did you learn to deep
throat?" I asked.

"I did a little internet research on how to please a man. It suggested both
of those. All I ever want is to please you," she said.

The sexual experience was overwhelmingly good but the nature of it
triggered a wave of nagging guilt in me over the homosexual activity I'd
hid from her. "Kerry," I said very seriously. "I need to confess something
to you."

She looked a bit nervous and asked with some trepidation, "What's that?"

I was about to spill my guts about the blowjob with Randall and the anal
sex experiences with Josh. I don't know why I felt the need to be so
stupid. I thought about Randall's comments about leaving things in Oz. "I
need to confess my undying love and devotion to you," I said. I smiled and
pulled her into a kiss. When she laid her head back down on my chest, I
caught myself humming, 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow'."

It was early December and I stopped at Miguel's for a sandwich. I'd just
started on my Reuben and was looking out the window when I was surprised by
someone sitting across from me in my booth. Startled, I looked up to see
Randall. "Fancy meeting you here," he said.

"Hello, this is a surprise. What are you doing here?" I asked.

"I was having a craving for the tomato bisque," he said. "A really nice guy
I met at the gym told me about this place and I've been coming here ever
since."

"How're you doing? How are things with Dante?"

"Over."

"Oh, I'm sorry. What happened?" I asked.

"I came home and found the lock changed. It turns out I got replaced by a
younger, boy toy with a larger penis than yours even. I couldn't compete."

"I'm sorry. So what now?"

"I don't know. I don't think I can take any more shallow
relationships. Maybe I'll join a monastery or something. I wish I could
find someone for a legitimate, long term relationship."

"I hope you can. I'm truly sorry for your loss."

"Thanks. It wasn't really much of a loss. Open relationships don't really
make much of a basis for long term stability. So what happened with you and
Josh and Kerry?"

"It's all good. Your advice was useful."

"Did I give you advice? I thought I'd just evaded you."

"Well, you did give me some things to think about. You just wouldn't make
the final decision for me. You did mess with my head some by seducing me on
the massage table."

He flicked his eyebrows. "Sorry about that. I was just really hot for
you. I was very horny and you were more than a little vulnerable. So who
won? Kerry, I assume, since you're here and not there."

"We all kind of won. I went and made passionate love to Josh. He was good
with the fact that it couldn't ever be more than what we shared on the
Fourth of July. When I got home, I took your advice and left the rainbow
activities in the land of Oz. My relationship with Kerry is stronger than
ever. We're going back for Christmas this year and we'll see how I deal
with Josh and Kerry in the same space. One sad thing though, is that Josh
plans on living his life alone without any hope of companionship. Like a
sexless worker ant, destined to be alone."

"I'm happy for you that it all worked out. That is sad about Josh."

We finished our lunch with small talk and parted ways. I wished him
well. He stuck another one of his cards in my pocket as we parted and said,
"You never know."

Epilogue

It was the Fourth of July of the following year and I sat on Stony Ridge
shoulder to shoulder with Josh watching the fireworks. I was excited for
what was coming later on in the tent. When the grand finale finished and
the sky went dark, I turned and kissed Kerry. Josh turned and kissed
Randall. In the tent, later that night, I howled like a wolf as Kerry deep
throated me and stimulated my prostate with my favorite toy. Nearest we
could tell, that was the night our child was conceived. I had to smile and
even laugh a little as Randall and Josh cried out in shrill shrieks of
orgasmic delight across the meadow. Apparently, they'd managed to cum
together.

**##**

Emails are welcome. I would love to hear your thoughts and comments. I will
try to reply to all who share with me.

Sincerely, Hans
h.schreiber@hushmail.com