Date: Fri, 23 Nov 2001 01:13:34 -0800 From: Josh Heilig Subject: What You Won't Do for Love, Chapter Six What You Won't Do for Love, Chapter 6 By JoshBabe This work contains depictions of homosexuality. If that is illegal in your jurisdiction, please, do not continue reading this. This work is copyright (c) 2001 by JoshBabe. You may download and keep an unlimited number of copies for personal use, but this work may not be used under any circumstances without the prior consent of the author with the exception of a personal copy. Aesthetic changes (font size, font face, whitespace) do not constitute a change that requires the author's permission; any non-whitespace changes to the actual text of the story require prior permission. BRIEF REMARKS FROM THE AUTHOR I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving, American or not. All of you, be with your family, appreciate what you've got. Be thankful. That's what the holiday is all about. Thanksgiving weekend is the one time of the year when we are all family. Be a good driver, stand in line politely, do a favor for someone, make a charitable donation. Be a good person. WHAT YOU WON'T DO FOR LOVE, CHAPTER SIX Just as a quick recap, after being brought to the hospital, Dr. Krishnandruptha diagnosed me as a Type I diabetic. I, umm, spent a little time getting over that, although it wasn't such a big deal since I knew something about diabetes going into the debate. -- One of my teachers, in elementary school, was a Type II diabetic, and taught us all about the disease. -- They didn't let Alex into the room, but Mom didn't come in either, so it was all O.K. While they had me go to sleep, after telling Mom what was going on, I had some pretty freaky dreams and woke up and had a nice conversation with Nurse Cheryl, one of the stranger characters around. She was, based on the way Dr. Krishnandruptha had handled the situation, totally cool with Alex-and-me (the hyphens are important), and she said nice things about him, too. That was novel. Then, just when I was tiring of Nurse Ramble-a-lot, Ira showed up to keep me cheered up and all that. It was great, getting to see him, you know? And he brought me some entertainment. A Penthouse and an XY. Now, this is funny in part because XY is about as non- pornographic as they come, unless you're a Republican. (Although I will admit, I have always thought that any publication that carries Ann Coulter should be banned as pornographic anyhow.) But also, it's great because, well, I was bored, yes, and I did a lot of sleeping, but when I wasn't bored XY turned out to be an interesting read. In retrospect, I wish Ira had brought me a Playboy -- at least Playboy has good articles, and, you know, pornos are fun but they run out of good photos after awhile. And once you've seen 'em, -- well, who wants to read an old porno? OK, so now you're up to speed, and I can keep trickling along with my tale. I went to sleep after Ira came and visited a little while, you know, did the usual talk -- it was great that my friends treated me exactly the same now. Although, hmm, well, OK, that's not true, Meredith is much more protective now of my relationship, but that's more because she never liked Julie than because she thought I needed the protection. And speaking of the devil, after I did a little sleeping, you know, or rather a LOT of sleeping -- I guess I went to sleep about 3:00 that day and woke up around 7:00 the next morning -- I heard a little knock on the door of the room, and Cheryl, who somehow was on duty AGAIN in here, opened the door and brought in "a visitor". I sort of woke up, and rubbed and schluffed my eyes, and squinted. Cheryl came over and handed me a little towel to do the rubbing with, and made sure I didn't peel the IV out of my arm. I smelled the nasty tangy hospital air -- I HATE that smell -- and got a little dizzy, since it always does, whenever I first take a conscious breath of it. Then I looked back over at the doorway, and there she was. Julie. Dressed to kill, in a cute tight reddish- purple skirt that went more or less to just above her knees and a wide-collared grey shirt (as in, from shoulder to shoulder) with three-quarters sleeves. She had a gauzy black sweater over it. She had her hair long and straight, with a little bit of a twirl at the very bottom. I raised a hand, to beckon her over, and in the meantime called out weakly, "Hi, Julie." "Josh," she said, and came over and gave me a kiss. Somehow, I didn't respond very heartily. She frowned a moment, and then pressed a hand to my chest. "Poor baby. I shouldn't have woken you up, I'm really sorry, hon." I bristled, but didn't let any of it show. Like I wanted to be with her now? I'd come to the realization, at some point, that she could be kind of bitchy, and I'd hung on as much for the fun socializing that a teen pair can have as for the fact that she was hot. I mean, Christ, if she could ever show off that pretty ass, that particular skirt would do it. If she were to bend down more than 15 or 20 degrees, I'd be able to see all the way up to her panties. She had me sweating at the thought. But somehow, it wasn't O.K. anymore. I had Alex, and I'd actually gotten a chance to feel his body, which was more than Julie had ever really let me do. Tease. I wasn't in the mood now, to be false-mothered or to have her bitch about one thing or another. "Anyhow," she kept on, "I came to check up on you, baby. I guess Jessica invited one too many of her friends, since she told me on the phone yesterday afternoon that she was really sorry she hadn't invited me to the party but she simply didn't think of me when she invited all of her friends. I suppose I shouldn't hold it against her. "But no, I brought something for you, anyway. I hope you had fun at the party," and she put a kiss on my forehead, "ooh, you feel warm, are you sure it's diabetes and not the flu? Oh! I have flowers, you know, get-well ones, to go with the nineteen thousand other bunches you have here -- oh, is this one from your grandma? -- and some chocolates, and I smuggled you in few other things." I rolled my eyes, and I guess she heard. "Julie, I can't have chocolates. I'm a diabetic. It means I have to limit the amount of sugar I have." OK, she was definitely losing points by the minute here. How insensitive can you BE? "Anyway, thank you for the flowers. Did you stop by before going to school?" "Oh," she tilted her head and smiled at me, and blew a little cute kiss, and I swear I saw her touch the tip of her tongue to her lips, which she did deliberately more or less all the time just to get me turned on, "I'm actually skipping first period this morning anyway. Or rather, second period, whatever they're calling it now. I wanted to come check up on you, and I mean, I heard about it yesterday but I called your mom to check and she said that Ira was going to come by and I didn't really want to take away from his time with you since I know the two of you are practically attached at the hip and ankle and, you know, I figured I'd come. I hope you're not really tired now." Somehow, a laugh escaped my lips. Oops. Probably not good... but she wasn't fuming yet. She didn't think I was mocking her. Or she figured it was this new sickness or whatever. "I, umm, fell asleep at three yesterday, which means I slept -- oh, hmm, seventeen hours. I'm fine." Now she bristled. "Don't be curt with me. I'm here to be nice, Josh... this is a favor." OK, that was something bitchy that I hated. Whenever she started pretending that I owed her a great deal; this was not one of those times that she could tell me that I owed her. You know? It's like, Christ, you ARE at least in name my girlfriend, bitch, you'd better come and fucking visit me when I'm in the hospital. Sorry, I'm cursing heavily again. I'll watch myself. I went ahead and made my first monumental mistake. I told her exactly what I was just thinking, more or less minus the nasty words. "Julie, you know, I don't think that I owe you anything for coming out here and visiting me. I'm in the damn hospital, for Christ's sake, I was just diagnosed as a Type I diabetic, and you act like you're doing me some kind of favor coming to say hi. Wanna be my girlfriend? You know what that means? It means that this is something EXPECTED of you. Sure, you could have stayed at home. "All the same, YOU CANNOT PRETEND, FOR ONE FUCKING INSTANT, that you're doing this as a favor to me. You are doing this as an OBLIGATION, like ANY form of friend at all. Don't give me this bullshit about how this is some kind of god-damned favor. Next time you pull that out, you might as well try and sell me some beachfront property in Kansas, while you're at it." She blinked, I guess, when I finished. She calmly stood there, and then she picked up her vase of flowers, off the table, and then set them back down again. Her eyes could have shot daggers at me, but she calmed herself, breathed deeply. I was impressed. She had better self-control than I did; although then again, I did have an IV in my arm, and that was making me pretty irritable. Her voice was calm, calm and cool as Lake Oswego at three in the morning on a clear night in June. "Josh, please, don't upset yourself. I didn't mean anything by it. All the same, I know you're probably not in the best of moods, it being seven in the morning and you in the hospital besides... I just don't want you to upset yourself, is all. You know that. I miss you, baby!" That was a lie. She hadn't called me of her own volition since Tuesday or so of the past week, and had more or less ignored me at school. I think I pissed her off on Monday night. I sighed and shrugged it off. Then, she really exploded. "Don't you fucking ignore me! Josh, I am here, and I am being nice to you, like nobody's business, and yet it's not good enough. What the hell is the matter? It's not like they told you, you've got cancer, you're going to lose your hair, you're going to die in a month. No. You're going to survive, and damnit, you have nothing to be so melancholy about. What the hell is wrong?" She had a few streaks going down her cheek. Oh, Christ. I had her crying. Her shoulders shook. "What's the matter?" she cried out, a little louder. "What the hell is wrong?" Then, she collapsed into a puddle on the floor. "Julie, I would go down there and help you out, you know, but I can't," I said, with a little bit of pity in my voice, and then I pushed the buzzer for Cheryl to come in. She did, quickly, and helped Julie back on her feet and into a chair, at least. "I'm sorry," she sniffled a little. "I came with something to tell you, and I'm not looking forward to it," she said, a little lightly, a little shaky. Yeah, I thought, and I might as well go first... hmm... "Julie," I said, real softly. "I have something I need to tell you, too." She nodded. "Go ahead. I don't want to go first." Cheryl nodded at me, gave me a little salute and walked out and closed the door, after giving Julie a small paper cup of water and some Kleenexes. I shivered a little. "Julie," I said. "I, umm... umm... I'm bisexual." It didn't even register. "That's nice, dear. What did you want to tell me?" You would have thought I told her, "Wow, it's sunny outside, you know?" Or, "Did you know that hospital water tastes funny?" Didn't click. Rolled right off her, and kept on moving. "No, I'm serious," I said, persisting. Stupid stupid stupid, in retrospect. "I mean, I really am, Julie." She blinked. "Are what, Josh?" "Bisexual." I saw her blink again. "What?! You're a queer?" Oh, dear. One of THESE. "No. I'm bisexual. Or, well, yes, but not in the sense you mean." Meredith would have castrated her, or whatever you do to girls, for saying that, with that tone dripping from her voice. I mean, ALREADY, she would have done it... swift as a medieval British headsman, that one. "Did you think I would be fucking O.K. with that?" Wow, I was really shocked. I guess it showed. "Of COURSE I did. I'm the same person I always was. I just discovered that I have, hmm, another facet to my personality, one which I was suppressing or something. I'm not a psychologist, I can't tell you what made me realize it now." "And you think I'm going to date a fag?" OK, now I was pissed. Not just that, shocked too, but I think more ticked off than anything else. "Don't you ever call me that, you bitch. You think you're so cool, such a great person, and then you call your own goddamn boyfriend 'queer', 'fag', like it was cool? You want to fucking date me? Get the hell out of this room, now. I could call Hospital fucking Security on you." You remember when I said, I only sanction cursing for effect and when you're really ticked? Yeah. "And you think the whole goddamn world doesn't know, hmm? Faggot. Why the hell did you date me? Why didn't you go off with some pretty boy, a Thespian," she spat the word -- why do people associate them with homosexuality? -- "why did you waste your damn time with me?" I just pointed my finger. I guess, by this point, I sort of got the idea that it was over between us. "Just get the hell out of here, Julie. Because the minute Cheryl walks in here, you're in deep--" And just then, she did. Cheryl walked in, that is. She just walked over to Julie and put her hands around her shoulders, to escort her out. I was about to mouth a thank-you when Julie curled her arm around, shook it off and slapped Cheryl. Hard. Just then, Cheryl reached over, and hit the emergency button on the wall. I guess that's in case there's something really serious? A couple of people came running, and she had Julie held tightly, pinned against the wall. "Get Security up here. We have a problem... deliberately riled one of my patients, and then assaulted me," she said, teeth clenched tightly together. She pointed to her cheek, already reddened, and one of the other nurses grabbed an ice pack and held it to Cheryl's cheek. And that was that. Ten or fifteen minutes later, I guess, Cheryl came back in and told me that Julie was gone. But, of course, she was in serious trouble, not for riling me but for hitting Cheryl. Oops? "Sounds like you found the rough core at the center of the cubic zirconium today, Josh," she told me, a little ruefully, still nursing a sore mark. "I'm sorry it had to happen this way. That's the hardest. I heard everything she said, which is why I came in." She came over to me, and just rubbed my arm. "I never expected her to take it so hard... I guess it's ... it's ... oh, fuck," I said, and just broke down and started crying. She took me and cradled me in her arms, the kind of mothering I really needed just then. I was sobbing, hard, almost hysterical, and I just needed some comforting. What a rough morning. Cheryl sighed, and kept rocking me back and forth, careful not to disturb the IV. "I'm so sorry," she said, crying now herself. "If I had known, I'd have come in sooner..." "Don't beat yourself up over it," I said, sniffling. "It's not your fault. I guess I had this coming to me. Should never have dated her in the first place." She sighed, and just ran her fingers through my hair. Nice woman, Cheryl. I take back everything unpleasant I ever said about her. Later that morning, Mom came by. She'd taken the liberty of sleeping in, since she'd been here more or less, evidently, all Saturday night, and a goodly chunk of Sunday morning. It was now Monday morning, about 9:00 or so, and she looked like she'd been rung through SOMETHING horrible. "Hi, sweetie," she said, a Starbucks cup in her hand. "How are you holding up here? Are they feeding you properly?" She came over to the bed, and gave me a big hug, which I REALLY needed by now, still, and a big kiss. She just stayed there, holding me, comforting me -- and I guess her, by proxy. "Your dad says he'll be coming down to visit you sometime this week. I think it's great. Probably Wednesday, he said. You DO remember that he was coming down in two weeks anyway, right? Anyhow, he managed to shift his time off, and so he's coming down just as soon as he can manage it." I shifted, uncomfortable in the bed. "That's great," I managed to sniffle out, and then I started crying again. Mom seems to bring out the emotions in me. "What's the matter, sweetie?" she said, with real concern in her eyes. "Julie and I had a fight," I somehow choked out. "She came by, and said hi, and brought me flowers, but then -- I, umm..." She sighed, and rolled her eyes a little. "Wait. I can almost see it coming. You came out to her, and she didn't take it real well?" I nodded. I saw her hand flick out, briefly, and then she reached down and grabbed my hand. Then, she started explaining to me, well, I guess something she thought I ought to know. I'm inclined to agree, anymore. "Josh, I would be willing to bet she sort of suspected, and didn't want to admit it to herself. Then, when you told her that you were bisexual, she flipped. She's been dating you, she's trusted you, physically and emotionally; so if she knew, or even just suspected, she had it buried deep. She had that snap just coming to her, I promise, Josh. It's not anything against you." She reached down on the floor and handed me a package. Wow, I was really on a roll lately. I opened it up, eagerly tearing the wrapping, and saw three really cool things inside it. I guess, to keep me occupied. One was a brand-new, shiny Handspring Visor Deluxe, in bright translucent blue. It was really neat. I had to stop myself from drooling on the box. 16MHz, 8MB, and TRANSLUCENT BLUE! How cool is that? -- I guess, looking back, it's not as cool now as it was then; but hey, it was pretty new then. The next thing was a GameBoy. Wow, she really went overboard, this time... oh, wait, that one had a little card on it 'From Dad, with Love', so she's not breaking the bank by buying me all of this. That's really cool, was all I could think. And, sandwiched between the two boxes, was -- a PLAYBOY? From MOM?! Oh, my God, I was so mortified, I could feel my face blushing beet-red. "Ira told me you already had an XY, and I'm sorry, but I was NOT about to buy you anything homo-pornographic, they would look a little oddly at ME buying this. So I picked up something you could read, too." Oh, wait, and below it was a Rolling Stone, which was not only fun to read but interesting, too. I still can't get over the fact that my MOTHER brought me a Playboy. Jesus. Anyway, I just laughed, and she patted me on the arm and told me she was going to go get a refill on her coffee, so I just kind of ruminated over Julie. Who the hell did she think she was, anyway? I thought, I think I'm probably better off without her, but I mean, God, that really burns me. And you know what's worse? Oh, shit. I bet she's told half the school by now, not just that we've ... oh, well, I GUESS we've broken up, although it's not like it was terribly clear before Security took her away. But I mean, not just that we've broken up, but that I'm bi. And it's not like she's going to say that calmly either. Oh, no. She's going to curse, and spit, and call me a queer or a fag or some other terrible deprecatory name, you know, and everyone'll titter a little and pretend to be totally nonplussed, and curse, even while they're floored. Or maybe they aren't. I don't know how obvious I am. Mom and Meredith had some idea, and Jessica might've. Alex seemed to hit me. But all of them have fairly well-honed gaydar. That's not going to be true of, oh, ninety-five percent of the school body, and the other five percent is not going to be hostile, most likely. I sure hope that's the way it ends up panning out, at any rate. Otherwise, I don't know if I could bear it all, you know what I mean? Mom came back, with a mug of coffee in hand, and she came in, gave me a kiss and a sip of her latte. She leaned into my ear, and conspiratorially whispered, "When they take this IV out, and I know they will today, go check out the barista at the coffee bar in the cafeteria. What a BABE!" I just rolled my eyes at her, but I was secretly amused on the inside. This could be a lot of fun, with a mother who understood and was supportive. "Yeah, I bet..." She laughed, gave me a kiss, and told me with a twinkle in her eye, "He looks a little like your boyfriend. Can I call him that, now that you've broken up with Julie?" Then, I heard a voice laugh and boom through the doorway, in an unmistakable voice. "You bet he can! I'd be personally insulted if he didn't!" I just sighed, and wanted to melt against that voice, feel that body against mine. There he was. My gallant Alex, radiant as ever. His beautiful, golden hair was rumpled lightly, the result of a first-period math class, and he was GORGEOUS in a pair of low-slung cargos and a grey Abercrombie T-shirt that fit nice and snug across his chest, with a green plaid shirt tied around the waist. Oh, God. "I'll just leave you two alone," Mom said, with a little bit of a laugh, and then she left, and shut the door behind her. Alex came over, a little look of pity in his eyes, but it melted in an instant when he saw me looking up, with what I can only suppose was probably adoration. "God, you look gorgeous," I whispered. "I would say the same, but you look pretty much like any hospital patient who's more or less healthy, just in need of some recovery and recuperation," he said with a laugh. "Shit. I'm not supposed to say stuff like that, babe, in a hospital... I know..." I just wrapped my hands around the back of his neck and drew him in for a good, long kiss. Time slowed, the clock stopped ticking, my heart slowed its very beating somehow, and I think at some point ten or fifteen minutes later, I regained some form of consciousness. We weren't kissing any more, just staring lovingly at each other; or maybe we weren't kissing. I just wasn't clear. "I love you," he finally told me, breaking the silence. "More than ever, baby." I extended a hand and rubbed his chest lightly with my palm. He took my other hand in his, and squeezed it, laced his fingers through mine and sat down on the bed. I guess he decided I didn't need any more flowers; evidently, the past twenty-five visitors, all of whom had come while I was asleep, had left flowers, and so they were sort of haphazardly laid around the room. It had a cheerful feel, all blues and oranges and reds and purples, and it smelled a lot better by now, but it was still a hospital room, and I couldn't wait to get out. Alex breathed softly in my ear, "I have a special present for you, baby. Wanna know what it is?" He flicked his tongue real lightly at the tip of my ear. I laughed, and then sighed, really melodramatically. "Don't turn me on, baby, I'm in a hospital bed with an IV in my arm. You don't want me hurting myself, do you? Besides, what would Cheryl say if she came in and saw us in some degree of intimacy?" He just shrugged, and I could tell he was fighting back a laugh or fourteen himself. "Well, she'd probably give you a big thumbs-up, and then go back outside the room. She's a good person, and she's very, very impressed with you, Josh." I smiled and touched a finger to his lips. "Pretty words for a pretty boy. Not very common; I expected some dumb jock with a beautiful face and vapid eyes. And, of course, I was hoping, a very well-endowed body." "Well, you got a pretty bright jock, but I guess the rest..." He nudged me in the side. "That, you'll have to attest to yourself." I blushed furiously. So, to cover up, I pulled him in for another kiss. Mmmmn. He smelled so GOOD. When we finally broke that one off, he grinned at me and glanced down, and laughed. "Christ. You're GOOD. Do you know, you're one of the few people who can do this to me?" "Yeah, of course, babe. Only 5% of the world's population will ever get that chance, anyway." He chuckled. "I don't even need that many... 1.6x10^- 10 is good enough for me." I did some quick mental math. "That would be ... one person. Awww," I cooed, "how sweet, he even did some cute numerical manipulations for me. How long did you have to try to get it right on your calculator?" He punched me in the arm -- carefully, I noticed, and in the arm without the IV. "Bitch." "Oh? At least I'm not a slut, sleeping around with whatever cute little thing happens to roll himself into his sleeping bag," I said, laughing at him. I saw that beautiful grin flash back at me. "Hey, you're the little strumpet who rolled into my sleeping bag with me." "Correction: I think that was MY sleeping bag." Another new voice. The door must have opened, without my noticing. "You all didn't HAVE a sleeping bag, dears," Meredith said lazily. "Or, more properly, you tried to zip two together, to make more room, and you were rather unsuccessful, I gather. As a matter of fact, Jessica rather embarrassedly informed me this morning, during first period -- err, second period -- that she had the security people destroy the tapes from that night, with strict orders NOT to watch them first. Evidently, she discovered that you all didn't zip your bag all the way up." Alex sighed. "Shame she destroyed them. I would have paid good money to have copies of them." Meredith smirked, and then came over, gave me a kiss on the cheek and a big hug, and kept on, "I bet Jessica has them in store for you, babe." This was directed at Alex, since I was already blushing beyond belief. "ANYWAY," I interjected, "I want to see what your special present is, baby." I saw him blush. I shouldn't have done that to him, with Meredith around, but I couldn't resist. He reached down into his backpack, and pulled out a little jewelry box. My heart beat faster, and I tried not to die of anticipation. And trepidations. Please, don't let it be a ring... don't let it be a ring... I'm not ready for this... please don't let it be a ring... I opened the box. It was an anklet. A hemp one, light brown, with cute little blue round beads in it. Oh, wow. And I LOVE boys with anklets on... maybe Alex does too, and that's why he wants me to wear one. I wrapped my arm around his neck, and pulled him in and gave him another kiss. This one was relatively quick, since Meredith was around; she WAS kind of a turn-off, you know? A good firecracker-douser, that one. "Mmmn," I whispered at Alex. "Damn, you're a good kisser, and I love the anklet. I'll wear it every day, and think of you every time I do." Alex leaned down and took the anklet and put it on my ankle. "Oh, man, you look hotter than ever, babe," he said with a grin and a look that made me want to, umm, OK, I won't say that word in that context here; I wanted to be with him, to know him (in the Biblical sense), in this hospital bed. Damn it! Meredith is going to notice! Think gross, nasty old women topless on a beach in France! Oh, wow. Fat old unshaven French women will do the trick, in a pinch, anytime. Although now, I think I needed a glass of water. I smiled softly, after that quick heartbeat-racer, and laced my fingers through his again. "Thanks, babe," I said. "I really appreciate it." Meredith came over, patted my hand, and told me she'd come back in a few minutes. I guess I needed it. My heart was about to burst with love for this boy, and, shoot, I guess my heart wasn't the only thing: My zipper was about to burst too, if I wasn't careful. OK, THAT was probably more than you wanted to know. He leaned in and kissed me again, and I swear, I could almost taste the Altoids he always had with him. He had the smell of cologne, I have no idea what kind, just augmenting his delicious natural smell. His hair had the most amazingly perfect texture, as always, and I found myself running my fingers through it. Blonde hair like that always fascinated me. He leaned in and planted a kiss on the tip of my nose. "I wish we had more time to be alone, babe," he said, with a sigh, "but I probably ought to get back to school. As it is, I've already missed second and third, and I should get back before fourth or Slaniczew is going to be pissed at me. I'll seeya later, babe." I giggled and rubbed his hand. "Love you, baby." My beautiful Alex looked down at me and responded, lightly, with only a little twinkle in his eye: "Love you, Josh." My heart just about burst. Damn, I love that boy. COMMENTS FROM THE AUTHOR That was fun. I seldom get to write a chapter that has all the elements of the back cover on a supermarket romance novel: romance, passion, love, anger, hatred. Plus a smattering of liberal buzzwords: bigotry, conservative, fundamentalist. I hope you enjoyed that one as much as I did. I sort of sat down and started writing it at 10:00, and finished it around 1:00 AM. So it's not ACTUALLY Thanksgiving anymore, although it will be for another... hour in Hawaii. (Oh, well, and seven minutes, in Alaska.) Keep writing, guys! I love hearing from you all! Let me know if you like the episodic format better than the real-time-coverage format that I was using in Chapters One through Four. Just remember: http://www.vspin.com/butterfly, for the latest updates; and joshbabe22@hotmail.com, in case you want to email me. Flames go to /dev/null.