This is a work of erotic fantasy, so there’s quite a lot of sex. However, there isn’t sex happening in every chapter. There are many passages that include setup, character development, and all that boring stuff which makes the sex that much more meaningful when it finally happens. I know not everyone cares about backstory or getting to know the characters, so each chapter which does have sex in it also has a heart following its title:

The sex is not intended to be pornographic or paraphilic. It’s just the kind of stuff that happens between people, though sometimes in somewhat unusual situations. This includes threesomes and groups, intimacy taking place among people under the age of eighteen (with no one over eighteen present), same-sex partners, and scenes involving brother-sister incest. If you live in the kind of world where you believe those sorts of things never happen, or should never happen, you’re both (1) welcome to stop reading now; and (2) not even remotely in touch with reality in any way at all.

There is cover art for Book 2! It’s non-nude. If you’d like to see it, it’s here on imgbox.com.

Finally, Nifty has been providing some primo material for years now, and can always use a helping hand. Websites aren’t free to operate or maintain, and no one’s getting paid to do any of this. Donate what you can, as you’re able!

Enjoy!


— Harmony Brücke, fricfic at gmail.



Kaeleigh Goes All the Way

Book 2: 2024 • Part II: Make New Friends; Keep the Old


2. Interview with a Porn Star



The weekend after Kaeleigh moved in, she went to her first women’s-only ATW game, hosted at Marta’s. Her house wasn’t an overdone, gaudy, trashy nouveau riche temple to self-indulgence; it was instead a two-story conservative pile in a quiet, sedate neighborhood, one that murmured upper-class things to itself across well-manicured lawns and precision-trimmed hedgerows. Luke had been there before (of course) and told her she’d probably like it. He was right. It was ancient firebrick, the structure well over a hundred years old, with gleaming original hardwood on the floors inside and lath-and-plaster walls that fairly screamed their solidity and permanence. Some of those walls were adorned with paintings, including originals by Mondrian and Picasso, as well as a plethora of O’Keefes. Thick area rugs absorbed echoes and kept bare toes from getting too chilly; thousand-dollar suede couches and chairs cradled backsides with a lover’s caress; and the game commenced at an oak dining-room table that was older than the nation. The debauchery would follow in Marta’s upstairs bedroom, which included a massive four-poster and two ell couches for the comfort and convenience of the players. A discreet table displayed an array of toys suited to any taste that might wish for them, clean and gleaming in the light, batteries charged where appropriate, along with wipes and myriad bottles of flavored and flavorless water-based lubes. This was the house that porn bought.

Luke, meanwhile, met Lana at a little Thai place he’d found and was mad about. She knew it too, and was pleased at his culinary taste. It was one of the classic hole-in-the-wall style locales that offered five-star food. She was lovely in a simple white blouse with pearl buttons and a burgundy woolen skirt that went as far as her knees, brick-red satin flats, and no stockings on her long, ebony legs. He’d chosen jeans with an Izod buttondown in blue and white stripes; the lifestyle he lived, he always thought, was flamboyant enough. He didn’t need to dress up, down, or alternatively. He ordered the pad Thai; hers was som tam salad. They made a little small talk over iced teas brewed strong and cut with sweetened condensed milk. “So … I’ve never actually been interviewed by anyone before,” he said. “Is everything, what’s the term, on the…”

“On the record? No. You’ll know the interview is happening because I’ll have my phone out and the recorder app running. Until then, we’re just talking. And if you do want something to be off the record after we start, please tell me. Anything off the record stays private.”

“Okay.” He sipped his tea. “Your video went live.”

“I know. I saw it.”

“What’d you think?”

“One of us looks pretty damn good. And I guess you did all right, too.” He chuckled. “Thank you again for that, Luke. You fulfilled a fantasy I’ve had for a while, and you made me feel relaxed and able to do it, and while it was happening, you gave me the very best sex I’ve ever known. I probably would’ve enjoyed it no matter what, just because of the thrill of it all, and I’ve seen all your videos, so I know you’re good … but I sure wasn’t expecting the fairground ride you ended up giving me.”

“Oh, you know, it takes two to tango. You’re just amazing, really beautiful, and you weren’t holding anything back at all. When I know the girl’s into it that much, it makes it a lot easier for me to get there too. You’re a hell of a woman, I think I mentioned that, but you’re also just a terrific lover. Some of the girls that do a Café take a while to get into it. You were right there from the start. You could really go pro, if you wanted to.”

“Couple of friends told me that too, after they saw the video. But I’m really more of a sex-in-my-own-home kind of girl, I think.”

“Sure, I know performing’s not for everyone. Still, kudos to you for having the backbone to live out a fantasy. You looked as great in the video as you actually were. I’m not just saying that, either. You’ve only been up for three days so far, but your hit count is higher than any other three-day stats on any Café we’ve ever done. You’ve already racked up half a million views.”

“Jesus Christ,” she said.

He nodded. “Those are full playthroughs, too, not someone looking at two minutes and going somewhere else. Your click retention is actually closer to a hundred percent than any video we have of any kind. I told you you’re amazing. Five hundred thousand subscribers agree.”

“I … don’t really know what to say.”

He saw she was blushing. “Are you all right?”

“Me? Oh, oh hell yes, I’m just not sure what to think to know that half a million total strangers know what my O-face looks like. I think … I think I actually feel … pretty damned proud.”

“That’s the spirit,” he grinned.

They paused when the waitress came by with appetizers, fried tofu with peanut sauce.

“I think we’ll start the interrogation now,” Lana said, pulling out her phone. “It’s freeform, really, just discussion, but it’ll be on the record unless you say otherwise. After we’re done I’ll transcribe it to text, edit as necessary, and send it to you to review and make sure I’ve captured your message without misquoting or decontextualizing anything. If there are clarifications you think need to be made, that’ll be the time to make them.”

“Got it,” Luke nodded.

She started the recorder. “So what made you decide to go into adult entertainment?”

“Well, I’ve been a fan for years. That’s part of being a teenager, male, and … well, a teenage male. I moved here when I was nineteen to go to the university, got to know people, and bumped into Marta one night. This and that happened, we talked, and she suggested I had the chops to do some scenes. So I thought, well, I get to be with great girls, and I get paid to do it, and that’s gonna take care of my expenses for a while. It seemed crazy to not get paid to do something I love doing anyhow, and I thought I might be a good match for the work. I’d seen PGP’s work before, and I knew it was a huge hit with women, but I liked it too. It’s the way I like sex to be, you know? Friendly and affectionate, people who like each other, having fun together, making each other feel good. So it felt like a natural fit for me.”

“How old are you now?”

“Twenty-one.”

“So you’ve been with Pretty Good Privates for two years?”

“Uh-huh, thereabouts.”

“And how many videos … what do you call them, scenes?”

“Scenes, yeah.”

“How many scenes have you done?”

“Well, I do two a week, usually, so somewhere around two hundred over the last couple years.”

“And is it a different girl in each scene?”

“No, not usually, except in the Cafés. Usually it’s a girl who works for the studio, like I do. You know, staff talent.”

“And how many of you are there working at PGP?”

“Talent, regular talent that does more than a few scenes a month, there’s about forty of us. Uh, about fifteen guys, about twenty-five girls. But there’s always new people coming in, especially when classes are back in session and everyone wants to pick up a few bucks, and other people leaving, when they graduate or move on or whatever. It kinda slows down in the summer, because most of the students leave to go back home a while. So right now there’s maybe ten guys and fifteen girls or so. There’s also the production crews. We have six directors, four women and two men, and six sound recorders. They’re all women. There’s also six gaffers. They do the lighting and electrical, and they’re half women, half men. I mean, half of them are … you know what I mean.”

“Lighting and electrical. So that’s what a gaffer does. I always wondered.”

He grinned. “Me too. The production crew is all former talent, either at PGP or other houses. They used to do porn too. It makes a big difference cause when we’re doing a scene, it’s just us and them, and we’re all … we know what’s going on, they’ve been there before, so it’s really easy to work with them. Marta’s got eight post stations where they do editing, mixing, and fixing, there’s the usual business staff like secretaries and advertising, there’s the website people, and there’s the sanitation crew. They’ve probably got the worst jobs, because they change the sheets and bedding, and do the post-spooge mopping up. But I’ve talked to some of them, and they tell me they saw worse every day when they were working in hotels, and got paid less. So in all, behind the scenes, there’s probably another seventy people. Oh, plus the legal team, but they’re not exclusive to PGP. They handle other porn houses too.”

“So the support staff outnumbers the talent?”

“Yup. From what I can tell, that’s how it is in a mainstream studio. You know, one that does just plain movies where everyone’s clothes stay on. But I don’t think that’s usual in the adult-entertainment industry.”

“Something to talk to Marta about, maybe.”

“Yeah, she’d know, for sure.”

“Before I did my Café with you, I had to go through something like an audition. I had to send in a homemade sex tape, which in my case was just me masturbating, and then there were a couple of interviews, and there were questions about whether I’d done porn before, whether I had diseases — I had to have a doctor’s certification for that — whether I was comfortable with the idea of having sex while fully-clothed strangers watched and recorded it, whether I would be comfortable being approached by strangers who’d seen my video and wanted to offer comments or suggest … activities, and what I was or wasn’t into, like giving blowjobs or anal. I expected to submit the video, and I figured there’d be a blood test, but some of those questions made me think. And then there was a two-week cooldown period, a second interview with more or less the same questions, and a couple days later they called and told me I could do a … a scene, if I wanted to, and was there any particular boy I had in mind for it.”

“Based on how it went, thank you for your decision,” Luke said.

“My pleasure. Multiple times over, in fact. Is that typical for PGP, or porn in general, do you know? I don’t mean bringing in guest girls, like for the Cafés, so much as how to get into porn at all.”

“Marta’s really the one to ask about that, too. She’s been in the industry longer than me, and has more background in how they do it at different studios. In my specific case, she met me at an orgy, liked what she saw I guess, and asked me if I wanted work. But from what I understand, it … well, it really varies. Some places will take you with just a sextape. Others are more like auditions. I’d hope they all want STD screening done. And I’m pretty sure PGP’s unusual in that, if you’re hired as regular talent, you get training.”

“Training in … how to have sex?”

“Not exactly. I mean, they don’t hire virgins, you know. It’s more tips and pointers before they put us in front of the cameras, so we’ll feel more confident in our work. It starts with talking to the other talent, the ones who’ve been there a while, about camera awareness and how to work it into our moves without, you know, obviously playing to the lens. A lot of that’s really about keeping hands or hair out of … uh … key action areas.”

“Like when a girl pulls her hair back before she gives a blowjob?”

“Like that, yeah. Or not totally covering the girl’s vulva with your hand when you’re going down on her. We also talked about positions, how to move fluidly from one to the next, and how to get leverage without blocking the view too much. You know, instead of fumbling around or being awkward.”

“So there’s no … choreography? You don’t go over it like a series of moves, like missionary first, switch to cowgirl, then doggy?”

“Oh, well, some directors do like you to do that, yeah, and if they have something in mind for a scene, they’ll let you know what the basic idea is for positions to hit. But mostly it’s just … making love, you know, however the talent does it, so it’s spontaneous. Ish. Absolute minimum in any scene is like what we did. Making out, cunnilingus, intercourse. They prefer more cunnilingus than fucking, because the scenes are really for women’s enjoyment. But, you know, I sure as hell don’t mind that particular requirement.”

“I seem to recall you had a certain relish for it, yeah. So before you ever actually shoot a scene, you learn a little about how to be present on camera?”

“Yeah, and it’s not just theory. You spend a couple days talking about how to play to the lens, and from there you go on to having live sex with a girl who’s been talent a while, with a couple other experienced stars there, so they can help you refine everything, like your expressions and moves, and keeping eye contact. Sometimes they advise you, and other times they’ll demo it, have sex so you can see and mirror their moves. That goes on for three or four days. Then you do some recording sessions, actual scenes, with a full crew, but they’re not for release. They’re more for practice, like a rehearsal and review, so you can see yourself and get an idea how you play on camera. The directors all sit down with you and go over it, sometimes frame-by-frame, and talk about what really works, and what’s not so hot. For a lot of guys, that’s sorta where the rubber meets the road, so to speak.”

“Oh? What do you mean?”

“Well, you know, a lot of guys just kinda assume they’re great at sex. And that’s really just … not true, a lot of the time. They’re not as good at it as they think they are, especially for cameras. So there you are watching yourself on video, and there’s a half dozen directors, men and women, sitting there with you, and they just really take you apart, really break it down with a list of everything you could’ve done better. They try to be nice about it, but it’s pretty rough on your ego, and if you can’t handle the critique, that’s probably when you’re going to get huffy and say to hell with it all. I’ve seen four or five guys walk because of it. For all I know, it’s just as bad for the girls. I’ve been in a few test scenes with some girls, just helping them get started, and a couple of them, I never saw again.”

“Were they bad at it?”

“No, and that’s just it. By the time you’re ready to do a test, you’re probably already doing all right. The tests are about finesse, not overall major technique. If you have problems with something as basic as how to fuck, you’re not gonna get as far as working for Marta in the first place. But it really can bruise your ego to learn that something you do which really got a girl howling once, like maybe some special flick or twist with your tongue, just doesn’t work worth a damn onscreen, or doesn’t work as well as you thought. You have to come into it knowing you’re not an expert, and be willing to learn what it takes to get there.

“But after that first test scene, you go back and practice the live sex again, the second shoot goes a lot better, and the third is usually full marks all around, and then you’re ready to do your first scene for release. And what’s so cool about it is … they ease you into it, with the discussion and the live sex and the tests, taking you there in stages over about two weeks in all, and it helps you feel a lot better about what you’re doing. Especially because you’re working all the time with people who’ve done exactly the same thing, so they know what you’re going through, and they’re just totally supportive. You get to know the other guys, you get to know the girls, you get to know the crew, and you discover all kinds of new friends. So when you’re rolling for real, you know you’re ready for it.”

“Two weeks, just to finesse your sexual technique?”

“For the lens, yeah. But there’s more. PGP’s videos are for women, and women, I guess, have a different way of looking at porn. They don’t give a damn about a cumshot, for starters, which is fine with me cause I always hated them. They’re more about how the people feel when they’re making love, how they feel about the sex, but also how they feel about each other.

“Marta actually did research on this about ten years ago. She hired an eye-tracking company to come in and analyze what men and women were looking at while they were watching different videos of people having sex. Some of the videos were porn for men, some of it was stuff she shot, and some of it was amateur. And … she already suspected this, but it was good for her to have the confirmation of it … the men were all looking at what you’d expect, the women’s breasts moving, their … backsides, their vulvas, the men’s penises. And the women … they were watching the guys’ butts and chests and equipment, sure, but what they spent a lot more time looking at was their faces. Especially while they were working up to the climax. So if a guy was performing cunnilingus, the men were looking at her vulva, but the women were looking at his face, and hers too, looking at their expressions and the connection they had. That mattered a lot more to the women than it did to the men, and that’s what we’re trying to express in our work.

“They also, the women also liked seeing the people being a lot closer together. They weren’t anywhere near as focused on visible penetration as the men were. They liked being able to see that it was actually happening, but they responded a lot more when their bodies were touching more, when they were embraced instead of when the men were rearing back to make everything clearly visible. There are ways that you can do that, ways you can hold a girl close but still keep the action available to the camera, and it ends up more visually subtle than what you get in porn for men. But the women just love it. And actually, so do I. Not just to do, but to watch. Obviously it’s better to be closer to the girl when we’re having sex, it’s a lot better to hold her near and feel her body moving, but it’s better to see it that way when other people do it, too, I think. It looks more natural, and a lot more affectionate.

“So there’s just a major emphasis on eye contact, body contact, sensual touches, and kissing and cunnilingus that lets a, uh, a certain amount of tongue action show without it turning into a farce, like you’re a dog licking its mistress’s face or elsewhere, but the whole time, we’re looking right at each other. That’s what takes the real practice.”

“It sounds like a balancing act, almost,” said Lana. “A lot to keep in mind.”

“It is, at first,” Luke said. “But you get used to it pretty fast. It’s a lot like how regular sex actually is, especially between people who really actually care about each other. You see it all the time in amateur porn. The guy and girl … they’re close, they touch and caress more, and they’re always looking into each other’s faces. We just play it to the cameras a little more, is all.”

“Well, it works. In every scene I’ve ever watched from PGP, no matter who was in it, it looked like they were really making love.”

“We are. We all like each other. So that makes about ninety percent of it just perfectly natural for us. But because there are no cumshots, you have to really learn how to let yourself go in orgasm.”

“I’d think that would, heh, come naturally.”

“Not for guys. Most of us, even when we’re coming hard, we don’t make much more noise than a couple of grunts, and maybe push a little with our hips. So there’s some practice you have to put in, sort of involving your body in it a little more. Moving more, vocalizing, not just locking up for ten seconds or whatever. It matters not just because I guess girls like it more when they see a man move a little, but also because there are no cumshots, and you have to know he’s building up to it, and it’s happening. And the only way that works is if he’s moving and hollering a little.”

“So would you characterize the whole experience as being acting lessons, or something else?”

“Oh, it’s not acting. We’re not acting, none of us. The sex is real, and we’re really enjoying it, and not just the guys. We’re there for the girls, and it’s literally our job to make sure they have a good experience. They can’t be faking anything, because some guys can’t tell the difference, but women always can. It’s more like … getting in touch with how you really feel about each other while you’re making love. And letting it show through your movements, through how your hands and bodies move, through touching and kissing, through your facial expressions. You’re letting your body show the feelings you’re having, getting more … physical, more physically expressive. That can be harder for a guy to do than a girl, because we — guys — we kind of stop moving sometimes, sort of freeze, when we come, because if you keep moving, the stimulation on your penis gets so unbelievably intense. So learning how to keep moving, even when you’re coming, is pretty important, but it’s worth it because it makes it better for us to keep the stimulation high, and it’s better for the girls, too, because they can really feel how we’re totally letting go. And when they feel that, it helps them let go too, and the whole experience turns into a better buildup and better orgasms for both of us, and you can really see the difference when it’s on camera.”

“I see. The goal is to emote physically and verbally, to better get the point across?”

“Yeah, that’s it. The whole idea, really, is for the guy and girl to have a … a visible connection while they’re doing the scene. Not just the sex, but everything leading up to it, too. You have to believe they like each other, you have to believe that the whole reason the guy is there is to give the woman the best pleasure he knows how to give, and you have to believe she’s getting it. But it’s reciprocal, so the audience also has to believe that the woman is driving him wild, too. They have to see all that happening at once, so they’ll enjoy it all, and it takes a little bit of doing to coordinate everything.

“But once you get the hang of it, it just flows so naturally, I can’t even tell you, and it looks beautiful onscreen. I look at regular porn now and I just can’t enjoy it any more, not that I really did in the first place. All I see is all the things the guy is doing wrong, the girl faking it, and good God, the spanking and the Porn Hiss and the totally fake expressions of totally fake ecstasy. And always, always a damned cumshot. That’s just not how sex really is. There’s just no believability in any of it, no intimacy at all, and I’m sure some women who watch that stuff are thinking, Jesus Christ, is that what guys really want? Is that how they really like it to be? And the answer is no, unless he’s an asshole.”

“I’ve wondered that myself, sometimes,” Lana said. “And I’ve known a couple men who I guess were assholes. Or maybe they got influenced by what they were seeing, and thought that was how sex was supposed to be. But it doesn’t do it for me.”

“It doesn’t do it for a lot of people. And you’re right, I think some guys see porn and think that’s how sex really is. It’s bad for everyone to have that kind of crap out there, because it’s a totally false image. It gives men the wrong idea about how to have sex, and it gives women the wrong idea about what men want. We like being close. We like how it feels when bodies are touching. We like how women move, the sounds they make, the way they smell and taste and feel. We like intimacy too, even if sometimes we have some different physical responses or different visual focus.”

They paused again when their meals were served, and spent a few minutes sampling their own and each other’s orders, being duly impressed by the uniformly good quality, and eating. They continued when they’d made some progress with their food.

“So … okay, you mentioned a few things about the believability of conventional male-targeted porn. You said there’s no intimacy in it, and it knocks you out of the story enough that you can’t enjoy it?”

“What story?” Luke said. They both laughed. “Yeah, no, I think Marta’s really on to something with what she’s doing. I like it when I have some kind of feelings or attachment with the girl I’m having sex with. The deeper the attachment, the better the sex is. Right? Nothing weird about that. So why would porn be about using a woman for three minutes of pumping, then shooting off on her belly? Big deal. If that’s all sex is to you, just get a stroke mag and desecrate the centerfold.

“I like it more when I think they know and like each other, and we do at PGP. I know all the girls, and when we’re doing a scene … well, we’re not acting. We’re friends, we’re all friends. Marta has regular company get-togethers and we all just hang out, have picnics, see movies, and have a great time. So we’re horny for each other, we like each other, and when we’re on camera we’re authentically making love together because we want to, not just having sex for a scene. The whole idea, for me, is to have my costar enjoy it all, make sure she comes a few times before I get there, because I always know who she is and I always really like her already. And it makes a better scene, it really does.”

“I agree. So you treat the girls you work with as friends, as equals?”

“They are my friends. Of course they’re equals. They’re more than that. We, I mean me and the other guys at PGP, we’re there for them, not the other way around. And we’re not acting when we’re doing a scene. We want to be together. Like how it is with some people who have fuck-buddies, friends they get with sometimes just for the sex.”

“Do you have any particular favorites? Girls you enjoy working with more than others?”

“I used to, but not any more. I’ve been with all the regular talent, and they’re all different, but they’re all just wonderful, just beautiful inside and out, and it’s great to make love with any of them. Some days I feel like I have a couple dozen steady girlfriends, and that’s a hell of a great feeling. And I think … when you’re doing it right, when you’re really letting yourself go … there’s a reason they call it making love. Because when I’m with one of them, for a while anyway, I am in love with her. And even after we’re done, that good close feeling is still there. You can’t — well, I can’t — be naked with a girl, kiss her and touch her body, you can’t know what she tastes like in the best place, you can’t have sex with her and come inside her … you can’t do all that without loving her, at least as a good, close friend. It’s just too intimate to feel any other way.”

“That’s understandable, and speaking as someone who’s been conventionally sexually active, I think I agree with you. Do you think your perspective is common in adult entertainment?”

“I hope so, but … I dunno, Lana. I’ve seen a lot of porn, and there aren’t a lot of times when you get the feeling they’re really … that they have any of that real affection, and I wonder if the girl is being treated right. In amateur stuff, like a husband and wife uploading something they did together, it’s a totally different thing. I love amateur real couples, because you can tell they mean it. That’s sort of what we’re trying to get across with the scenes we do at PGP, too.”

“As far as I can see, you’re being successful in that. Have you ever been involved in a deeper relationship with any of the girls you’ve worked with?”

“Not yet, but you never know. It’s not verboten. I know a couple of … couples … at PGP, people who met through work, fell in love, and moved in together.”

“Do they still work there?”

“Yeah, they do.”

“Do they perform exclusively with each other, or are they willing to work with anyone?”

“They’re not exclusive. You really can’t be, if you work in erotica … and on some level, deep down at least, you probably don’t want to be, or else you wouldn’t be in erotica. But they know how they feel about each other, whoever else they might be with for a scene, and they know who they’re going home with at the end of the day.”

Lana nodded and sipped at her tea. “Have you found that the work you’ve been doing professionally has altered the way you go about sex in your private life?”

“Not really. There’s no cameras, so I’m not performing.”

“What I’m wondering is how — if at all — your views on being a sex partner to your personal partner might have changed. In the PGP videos, there’s a heavy emphasis on female pleasure. Women are often the ones in control of the sex, they’re often the ones that initiate it, and they virtually always receive oral pleasure. Female orgasm is frequent, once it begins, and it always occurs. The stories and activities are about the kinds of things women enjoy fantasizing about, and even the one-offs are plausible romantic interludes, not just casual sex for the sake of it. The closest to full-on casual sex is the Hookup Café, and the excitement there comes from seeing two people sit in conversation for a while, develop a basis for attraction, then decide to make love … along with the knowledge, in the audience, that these are regular girls like themselves, not porn actresses, who’ve decided to have a little fun on camera with one of the men from PGP. For many of them — myself included — it represents the fulfillment of a fantasy itself. There really are women who really do fantasize about having hot sex with a porn star.”

“Tell me,” he said. “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been approached.”

“Is that awkward?”

“It can be. I’m paid to do something very enjoyable in a public performance, and sometimes it’s taken as a suggestion that I’ll do anything with anyone, under any circumstances. I try to let them down easy, and if they’re fans and want an autograph or a selfie, yeah, they’re gonna get one, sure. The girls get that even more than I do, more often and a lot more aggressively, from guys who’ve seen them in scenes. They assume visibility is the same as accessibility, and that’s just not true.”

“So you don’t … what, you don’t take up an offer of an anonymous quickie, or a no-strings BJ?”

“No. I’m flattered, but it’s not my thing. It seems, I don’t know, it seems demeaning, to both me and to her. I’m totally okay with being used for a friend’s sexual gratification, but she has to start off with being a friend.”

“That’s probably helpful in connection with your work, since that same sense of connection, of respect, and of mutual fulfillment is present in all of PGP’s videos, even the Cafés.”

“That’s what we’re about, yeah,” Luke said. “Marta thinks, and I agree, that porn needs a rebuild in some places. It’s great to see more and more work being produced and directed by women, for women. It’s just so much less crude, and the scenes are never about cheating, or getting away with it, or the man manipulating her into a situation, or guilt. 

“Some of our more popular one-offs are shot handheld POV by the girl, of a guy or girl performing cunnilingus on her, then making love to her. Now if you’re a guy, those videos can be frustrating, because you hardly get to see much of anything at all, just her breasts at the bottom of the frame, her mound, and mostly his nose and eyes looking up. But that’s how a girl sees it all the time, and I guess there’s something about it that drives our fans wild. They seem to love the eye contact especially. And I don’t know of any porn done by men, for men, that has that kind of POV work at all. I don’t think it occurs to them to produce it. But our fans just love it, and they respond really well to the other stuff we do too, and that makes me just insanely happy.”

“Do you get a lot of feedback?”

“Oh yeah, we all do. We hear all the time from women who want to tell us how glad they are they found us and we’re doing what we do. It’s great to know there are women who really like what we’re doing, and who are … they’re getting off on it, but they’re also getting empowered, they’re finding their sexuality and feeling able to express it, and it’s about goddamned time, too. We get comments, you know, emails, from women everywhere who say they’ve learned to take better control of their own sex lives by living out some of our scenes with their own boyfriends or husbands. They actually sit down with them and say, The way they do it in this movie? That’s the way I want to do it with you … and they tell us how things are so much more fulfilling for them now, and … damn, it makes us all feel good whenever we get a letter like that. It’s how it should be.”

“I don’t disagree. But with so much focus on pleasure for the women, do you ever find it … I guess distracting, or maybe unbalanced to do a scene? Sometimes, I’m sure, you just want to come, but maybe you’re not at a point in the scene where you can.”

“That’s … no, that’s never a problem. I’m a guy. I’m always gonna come. I don’t need to worry about that. Which means I get to concentrate on the girl instead. I know I’ll always get there; all I need’s thirty seconds. But she needs some time, and I know if I give her that time, it’ll be worth it for her, and she will always make it worth it for me.”

“So your experience is that the more you enhance her pleasure, the more she’ll enhance yours in return?”

“Sort of. I mean yeah, good sex is always reciprocal, but it’s … what I’m talking about here is more about my own responses, my own urges, and not letting them take over my mind. What I mean is … well, in sex, male orgasm is pretty much guaranteed. We’re wired to go off in a light breeze, and that can be a, a problem sometimes, firing too soon. But with a focus on her enjoyment, I get to have just a great time being there for her, being there for her body and her pleasure, and I know that sounds submissive, but it’s not. When her enjoyment is high, so’s mine, because there she is, having a great time, and it’s all about what I’m doing for her, how I’m doing it. It’s an incredible ego boost to see a girl having an orgasm on my face or my penis, to know she’s getting off on me, literally getting off on me. And my own orgasm will happen, no matter what, so I don’t have to worry about it at all. I can keep my, heh, my head in the game, where it belongs. I can wait for her, as long as it takes, and not get impatient, because when I finally do come, it’s always better from the buildup.”

“I’ve been told by men that a longer buildup does lead to better orgasm for them, so what you’re saying makes sense. What stands out to me is the idea of not having to be impatient or concerned about the state of your own climax, since you know it’ll happen no matter what. I like that point of view.”

“It’s … it’s like when I get home at night, and I start dinner. I’m chopping up greens for the salad, I’ve got the steaks on the grill, there’s potatoes baking in the oven. I’m not rushing anything, because I’m hungry, sure, but I know I’m gonna eat. I can’t fire up a blowtorch and make the steaks cook faster, and I can’t set the oven to a thousand degrees and get the potatoes done faster. So instead, I work on putting together the seasonings, getting out the plates, preparing the place settings, pouring the drinks, building up and building up, and when everything is just perfect, when it’s all finished and done to perfection, I have dinner, and everything is delicious, and all that anticipation and buildup gets paid off. If all I’m thinking about is how good it’s gonna taste when it’s done, I’ll never actually get it done or, if I do, it’ll be half-assed, with leathery steaks and chewy potatoes. I’ll be too distracted by the result to do the preparation well. That’s how I cook, and … well, it’s how I like to make love, too. I’ll have my orgasm, and I do not need to worry about it. So I get to pay attention to the details that lead up to it, instead.”

“Did you feel that way before you started doing scenes for PGP?”

“From the very first girl I was ever with, yeah. She taught me the basics plus some finesse, and I learned … pretty much everything I just said, I learned on that first afternoon with her, and I’ve never forgotten it. I try to bring that to every girl I’m with, whether there’s a camera in the room or not.”

“So you developed your sexual skills, for the most part, long before you became a performer.”

“Yeah. I get … sometimes I get guys coming up to me and saying Wow, you do porn, you must be really good at sex, what’s the secret? Like it’s some kind of magical spell you learn how to cast, a mystery not meant for the masses. One little trick you can teach that’ll change everything. It’s like they think there’s a step beyond discovering where the clitoris is, or the G-spot, like there’s some sort of super secret master switch that causes an instant-on cum response. But even with the fastest method I know of, it won’t work if she hasn’t had at least one orgasm already, so … nope, there really isn’t anything like a hidden come now button.

“But it’s easy, it’s really easy to be good at sex. All you have to do is pay attention to the woman, care about her, want her to love it. And a lot of that is in knowing there isn’t just one button to hit. It’s a combined effect, you know, from everything you’re doing with her. Not just the nipples, not just the labia, not just the clit or the vaginal channel or the G-spot. Everything, built up and added together. For some guys, that’s just too damn much work. But most of them are willing, I think; they just haven’t put in the practice and learned how to read their partner, how to know where she is in arousal.

“And … the female arousal response takes longer to build up sometimes, sure, and it can take a little longer to get her to come, but once it’s happening, it’s way, way happening, and it happens again and again. And there’s no real mystery to the vulva or the vagina. The structures are analogous everywhere. Your outer labia are about as sensitive as the skin on my scrotum. Your vagina’s about as sensitive as the shaft of my penis. Your inner labia, my glans. Your clitoris, my frenulum. Your G-spot, my prostate, and it’s really fortunate that yours is in a nicer location than mine.”

“I never thought about it like that. It makes sense, and it seems obvious now that you’ve pointed it out. For me, when I’ve had sex with a man, I’ve sometimes felt like I didn’t have a … a very good insight into what I was doing, how it felt for him. But … yeah, knowing how I like those parts in myself to be stimulated, I think that’ll help me a lot the next time I have an opportunity to play.”

“You did fine all by yourself, believe me, but yeah, it helps to be able to put yourself into the other person’s skin, so to speak. It’s just biology, the penis is really basically a vagina that’s been turned inside-out, with the gamete-production system on the outside, and no uterus. Which is good, because what would we carry it in? But if you know that, if you understand that the wiring’s the same in a lot of places, it’s insanely easy to know what to do when you’re making love, to maximize her pleasure and also to keep it from getting to be too much, more than she can take. Like how a tongue on her clit can feel a lot like sandpaper, so take it easy. That was something I learned early, and it was there long before I was doing scenes.”

“I’ve been with a couple of partners who didn’t understand that about the clitoris. Indirect massage is usually a lot more effective.”

“Slower, maybe, but more sure, yeah.”

Lana paused again to refresh herself with more tea. “Off the record, Luke, this is probably one of the more enlightened and enlightening discussions I’ve ever had about sex. Is your view unique to you? Or do all the men at PGP share it?”

“We all do,” he said. “In the core talent, anyway.”

“Maybe Marta could look into producing instructional videos for couples, or singles looking to improve their technique. Demystifying the penis for women, helping men understand our differences in sexual response, subjects like that.”

“You know,” he said, “that’s a pretty damn good idea. Suggest it to her.”

“Would she listen, do you think? I’m not in the industry.”

“No, you’re just one of the reasons the studio exists in the first place, a woman with a woman’s ideas about erotica. You bet she’ll listen.”

“Well, all right, next time I talk to her, I’ll mention it. Are you ready to go on with the interview?”

“Sure,” he said. “Fire away.”

“Okay. I asked, earlier, about the … about whether your performances have affected your personal intimate life because I see you have a ring on, and it got me thinking about your relationship. I wasn’t aware you were married when I did the Café with you. I don’t think you’ve ever had a ring on in any of your scenes. I assume your wife knows about your job, and is comfortable with you performing it. Does she see your sexual sophistication as a fringe benefit?”

“Uh,” Luke said, and put his fork down. “I’d … can we … go off the record for a minute?”

“Of course,” Lana said, flushing a little, and pushed the pause button. “If I’ve offended you…”

“No, that’s not it. You’re right I’m married, and she knows what I do. She’s okay with it. We’ve been in a relationship for years now, and it’s always been an open relationship. She’s bisexual and has girlfriends on the side sometimes, and she picks up guys too. I’ve had some moments with a few girls, as well. Sometimes we do threesomes or group sex. She’s seen all my movies and doesn’t have any problems with my work.

“But … okay, this might sound kinda weird, since I let it all hang out onscreen, but … there’s just some stuff that I think is … it’s between her and me, you know, private. I’m okay with people watching me with anyone else, and so is she, but we’d never do a scene together. When we’re with ourselves or a third or whatever, that’s really just for us, no one else. And I’d really rather not talk about any aspect of my relationship with her, not if it’s going to be published. I don’t have a problem talking with you personally about any of it, but … it’s not for the world.”

“That’s understandable,” Lana said. “Everyone has a right to privacy in their lives, and I imagine you get precious little sometimes. I can see why you’d want to protect what you have. I won’t mention it again.”

“Thanks. We actually … I’d be happier if no one knew I’m married, even. It always turns into one of those oh, your wife married a porn star nudge nudge wink wink kind of things, they want to know if we met one day when I was delivering a pizza or something, and that’s not really what our life together is about. I mean there’s a lot more to us than sex. She married me because she’s insane, and I know she’s insane because she says she loves me. Well, I love her too, more than any girl I’ve ever known in my life. So it’s not about my work. It’s about how we feel. Besides … well, there’s no policy at PGP against having a relationship with someone, and Marta’s cool with married performers. But I think … this is just me personally, but I think if women knew I was married, they’d see my scenes as a kind of cheating on her, and they might enjoy them less because of it, even if they know she’s totally behind me.”

“Women don’t take infidelity well,” Lana nodded. “Less well than men, anyway. Even if they only think it’s infidelity … yeah, now that you mention it, if I saw a man making love to a woman and he was wearing a ring, I’d be looking for hers too, and if I didn’t see it, I’d be thinking he was kind of a louse, and she was kind of a homewrecker. I get what you’re saying, Luke.” She sipped at her iced tea. “Tell me, this insane girl you’re married to, is she by any chance the one who was there when we did the scene?”

“Yeah,” he said, reddening. “She never saw a live shoot before, and I knew she’d be at one, but I didn’t think it was going to be the Café…” He shook his head. “Uh, I’m sorry if, if it made you … uncomfortable. I figured she’d be watching a regular scene between me and one of our usual girls.”

“No,” Lana said thoughtfully. “I don’t think it bothers me. I didn’t imagine Marta would have just any random looky-loo with her. I thought, at the time, she was one of the staff or crew, maybe a personal assistant. You said she’s seen all your work anyway, which means our scene too, one way or another. But it does help me feel a little better about things. She was there, she saw everything happening, and didn’t come after me with an axe … it seemed like she was a little into it, actually.”

“She was. Like I said, she’s bi, and she thinks you’re attractive. We’ve both done three-ways and groups, and we like watching each other have sex.”

“She thinks I’m attractive?” Lana said.

“She and I agree on a lot of things,” Luke shrugged. “That’s why I had to marry her.”

“I don’t swing.”

“I know. She knows too.”

She darkened again. “I’m not sure why I felt I had to tell you that.”

“It’s okay, Lana. Everyone has boundaries, and you always have a right to make them known. I’d be an asshole if I didn’t respect yours, or anyone else’s.”

“Thank you. Uh, okay, so no mention of marriage, no discussion of your private intimate life. Was there anything else you wanted to go over, before we go back on the record?”

“No, I think that covers it.” Her hand moved to her phone and he cupped his over it. She looked up into his eyes, startled and warmed by the touch. “Thank you, Lana. For your discretion, and especially your understanding.”

She smiled. “Of course.” He kept his hand on the table after she tapped record, and in a moment, she was holding it. “Note to self, strike previous. You haven’t found your work to affect any intimate private relationships you might get into with anyone? Your partners don’t see it as a problem, or your sophistication as a fringe benefit?”

“It hasn’t made a difference that I’ve noticed,” he said. “But I’ve always been involved in … some fairly unconventional situations. Not initially, but by the time I was in high school, threesomes and group sex were pretty common events for me. Odds are pretty good that if someone’s asking me out, she already knows I do erotica. If she doesn’t, she finds out right away, because that’s usually the first thing I say.”

“What, you mean like a girl sees you in a bar or something, and—”

“I don’t usually go to bars,” Luke said. “I don’t drink very much anyway, booze plays hell on my fitness schedule, and there’s usually at least one person there who looks at me and says, hey, didn’t I see you in a porn video? And there goes the rest of the night.”

“Okay, so a girl sees you in the produce aisle at the grocery store, she comes up to you and says hey, you’re cute, want to weigh my cantaloupes for me? And you come back with, sure, baby, if you don’t mind holding a porn star’s cucumber?

“Pretty much,” Luke laughed. “I’m not ashamed of it, but I know there are a lot of people out there with opinions about porn in general, and the people who work in it, in particular. And it might be a hell of a surprise otherwise. I’d hate for a girl to be going out with me and thinking gosh, he might be the one, maybe I’ll go all the way with him someday, only to discover I was with two girls, on video, just a couple days earlier. So I think it’s better for her to know up front what I do for a living.”

“And if she does, and still wants to go out with you?”

He shrugged. “Then we go out.”

Her hand tightened on his a little. “Do you … would you say your dating experiences are conventional dating, with … oh, going to a movie or dancing, or going out to dinner, and the possibility of sex later on, or are they more like a hookup, where there’s little doubt, going in, how the night will end?”

“That’s one area,” Luke said, “where the girl always calls the shots. If she wants to be with me, the answer is yes. If she’s not sure, it’s better to wait a while.”

“That’s a good answer,” Lana said.

“It’s the only right one. No matter who you are.”

“Yeah, it is.” She squeezed his hand again and he squeezed back, and they shared a smile. “Were you highly sexually active before you started working at PGP?”

“Yeah, I’ve been a pretty busy boy. With all the various group settings I’ve been in, and especially the way things picked up for me after I moved here and started working, I’ve been with … oh, somewhere around a thousand girls.”

“Good Lord,” Lana said.

“Not all at one time, of course.”

“You’d suffocate. Or, knowing how you do certain things, drown. So you’ve had some opportunity to develop expertise, which does explain quite a lot, actually. Is there anything you particularly regret? Do you worry that you’re so saturated with sex it doesn’t mean anything any more, or it won’t someday?”

“No,” he said. “When I’m with a girl, no matter who she is or whether we’ve been together before, it’s always the same for me. Sex is … it’s holy, in a way. I know why religious people get so uptight over it, I think. It stops you imagining some old bearded skydaddy, and gets you thinking about the actual, real, living goddess right there in front of you. It’s a hell of a lot more spiritual, for me, to worship a woman than it is to sit in any church, and I’d be willing to bet there are a lot of guys who’d agree with me on that, underneath all the macho BS. So churches don’t like the competition. And making love is about two people knocking down the walls between them by doing something beautiful together, not building them up with commandments or sin or fear of damnation. I know what it’s like to be alone, to want to be with a girl you really love but you can’t for whatever reason, and when you’re in that situation … that’s real damnation.”

Lana studied him for a moment. “In our Café, you said you like to worship. You used that word again just now. And you referred to me more than once as a goddess, and you used that word again too, just now. Do you seriously believe women are goddesses?”

“More like…” Luke pushed around a few noodles, the vestiges of his pad Thai. Lana was still holding his hand. “It’s more like there’s a goddess you can find in any woman. Back home in Cliveston, I knew a girl who, she was kind of Pagan, I guess, and she had Lilith as her goddess. And she was going out with a guy for a while who … he really got into that idea. He started believing that Lilith, or Aphrodite or Hera or anyone else, could sort of … manifest, in a girl. That every girl … it wasn’t that she was a goddess herself, but she could be a conduit to goddesses of any kind, and when you were having sex with her, it was a way to honor the goddess. He and I used to go back and forth on that one a lot. It sounded like a corny line then, and it still does now, and I was skeptical as hell. But he was dead serious, and he got me to try it out.”

“Try … what, worshipping a goddess by making love to a girl?”

“Yeah. What he did was get me looking at all the goddesses from mythology, reading up on them, finding out what their stories were and what they represented, and settling on one that I felt a connection to somehow. I figured okay, sure, I’ll humor him, and I did research, and settled on Hera. She was the Greek goddess of women, and of marriage. Well, I liked the goddess-of-women idea, since it seemed like a double dose of what I was after.

“So what he had me do then was learn everything I could about Hera, and put up little pictures of her, and little statues and things in my room, with one of them hanging over my bed. So I’d be thinking about her, sort of focusing on her, especially if I was with a girl. And the idea was that I’d … while I was with the girl, I’d visualize her as representing Hera, and when I made love with her, I’d be with Hera in part of my mind, and I’d be … the sex would be sort of a prayer to her.

“Okay, sure, why not. So I did that. I actually did that. I had a girl over one day, and we started making love. And I’ve always liked to go down, so there I was, thinking wow, Hera sure tastes good, and wow, Hera’s got beautiful labia, and wow, Hera’s about to come. And just when I’m feeling as silly as it’s humanly possible to feel while eating pussy, just as I’m about to say oh, the hell with it, the girl came. And … I’ve always liked it when a girl comes. Girls are beautiful anyway, and orgasms make them more beautiful to me. Not just because I’m seeing her in a sexual moment and that’s hot, but because I know she’s feeling good, she’s feeling … well, blessed … to have a body, and to be able to enjoy it in such a beautiful way.

“So the girl came, and I was looking up at her face to see it and thinking wow, she’s beautiful, thinking how lucky I was to be a part of it, and … something … I don’t know.” He thought for a while as Lana sat, silent and waiting, his hand in hers. “It was like this connection happened. Something … happened, inside me. For a moment, it felt like a … a warm finger touched me, inside, deep inside, like someone or something had reached into my body and just barely brushed against my heart. It didn’t hurt. It was just … a feeling, of being touched in a really loving way, right in the center of my being. And I thought Hera, is that you? Because … it was just so … not usually what happened. And I didn’t get an answer, but the warm feeling stayed there.

“Well, I did too. I kept loving the girl, you know, and thinking about Hera, and I was less skeptical. And the more I thought about her, the more I thought about the girl herself actually literally being Hera, like Hera was in her body with her, the warmer it got. I wasn’t just having sex with this nice girl any more. I was making love with a goddess, with my goddess. And when you discover you’re making love with your goddess, you want to do everything in your power to make sure you worship. Not because you’re afraid she’ll smite you, but because you want her to know you love her.

“When we were done, she spent a lot of time cuddling me, and telling me over and over again how good it was that time. We’d been together before. She couldn’t figure out what was different, since I hadn’t really done anything new or unusual; it was just oral and sex, like it always was. But for her, it was different, and a lot better, and … it was for me, too.

“So I started doing that every time. I’d be with a girl and I’d know, deep down, that she was a direct line to Hera, that whatever we did together, Hera knew about it, and I wanted Hera to know she was my goddess. I’ve been doing that ever since. The only thing I’ve changed is the goddess I worship.”

“Who is it now?” Lana said.

“Uh. Oh, shit. Off the record?” Luke said.

“Uh. Yeah.” She let go of his hand to tap pause.

“With my wife, the goddess is Eris. With anyone else, it’s still Hera.”

“Why Eris, for her?”

“Eris is kind of a prankster goddess, a trickster, a hell-raiser. And that is, right down to the cellular level, my wife.”

“Okay.”

“We can go back to the interview. Thanks.”

Lana nodded and started up the recording, and she and Luke linked hands again. “So when you were doing your scene with me, I was Hera?”

“No, you were Lana,” Luke said. “But Hera was aware of the way I was treating you, and she was receiving my worship in the way I was with you. I know it sounds nuts. But I’m totally serious about this. When I’m loving a woman, I am loving my goddess. I’m not fantasizing about humping a statue, and I’m not putting her face or body on you or anyone else. I’m making love with the woman I’m with, and I’m literally loving my goddess, in her manifestation as the woman I’m with. Because, since Hera is a goddess, she can and does manifest as every girl, every woman in the world.” He studied her face. “You don’t have to believe me. Hell, a lot of the time I don’t believe me. Until I’m there, and worshipping again, and then … yeah, you bet I’m a believer.”

“You’re right, it does sound crazy, and I’d think you were bullshitting me or putting the moves on, except I’ve had sex with you, I was there, and it was easily the best sex I’ve ever had. I really did feel like a goddess for a while.”

“You were. You still are. You always will be. It’s always a privilege and always an honor for me to love my goddess.”

“And you actually do say that to all the girls.”

“All the goddesses, yes, and I always mean it. Because they are.”

“So … sex, for you, really is a holy act. A communion with deity.”

“Every time,” Luke nodded.

Lana was quiet for a while, her hand joined with his, thinking. “So … at some time in the future, you’re probably going to want to … move on to something other than erotica, I assume.”

“Eventually, no one’s gonna want to see me in it, so it’s sort of inevitable. I’m a man in my early twenties right now, I’ve got what I have, and I might as well use it while it’s still around. Given my sex and age, I don’t mind being … oh … some people might see porn as exploitation, but I want to be doing what I’m doing now, so I guess I’m happily being exploited. But yeah, eventually, I’ll move on. Probably by my mid to late twenties, at the latest, I won’t be performing any more. I’m a major in sport sciences, so my day job will probably have to do with athletic training, or maybe coaching. But one of the great things about Marta is … she pays well, and I’ve stacked away a pretty good pile. I might, by the time I’m out of the industry, I might actually literally never have to work a day again in my life.

“So I guess my future plans include living a pretty unremarkable life, looking back on a few years when I had a lot of good fortune and was able to do some beautiful things with some beautiful women, but I don’t think it’ll be like … wishing for a return of my glory days or something. I know a few guys, older guys, who wish they were in high school again. Well, I remember high school, and I kind of wonder what the hell is wrong with them, what’s so terrible in life now that they wish they were sixteen again. With zits and an out-of-control dick and classes and teachers and dealing with kids whose sole function in life was to fuck with your day somehow, and adults who resented you because you were young and they weren’t any more, and took it out on you. People who devalued your opinion because they thought you were too young to know what you were talking about. Just generally being disrespected by everyone you met. You’d have to be nuts to want that to come back, even if it would come back with all the good stuff, like the stamina, the ability to keep a hardon going all night, the way you never ran out of energy doing something you loved.

“But it can’t ever come back, and it’s a waste of time to wish it could, it’s a waste of today, which is all you have.

“I remember being nine years old and in the Cub Scouts, and I entered the Pinewood Derby, and I won first place with my racer. That was great and I was proud of it, and I even got a trophy. I’m pretty sure it’s still back home somewhere, probably in the attic. And I look back on that and I remember how happy and proud I was, because it was a major achievement for me then. And I’ve gone a lot farther since then, and I’ve done things me-at-nine couldn’t even imagine, including a lot of things he’d probably think were disgusting — you kiss a girl between her legs? Gross! — and I’ve loved so much of everything I’ve done. But you know, there’ve been some sad times too, just like there were when I was nine. I guess if I spent all my time thinking about the sad times, I’d decide life wasn’t fair, but whether life is fair or not, it’s way too damn short to waste thinking about the sad times all the time.

“Well, someday when I’m fifty, or eighty, or whatever, I think I’ll look back on my life now in the same way. I’ll see this time as me doing something I loved to do, and I’ll always be glad it’s a part of my memory, but I won’t be thinking, golly, I wish I was twenty-one again, any more than I wish I was nine now. Because I won’t be the same person, then, as I am now, just like I’m not the same person now that I was when I was a Cub. I’d have to actually be nine years old again to be the kid who won the derby, and I’m just not him any more, and I really don’t want to be, but I’m glad he’s still a part of me, through my memories. And that’s okay. It’s just life, it’s how it is. All you ever really have is right now. That’s the part to be living in. Not yesterday and not tomorrow.”

“So no regrets for a lost or misspent youth?”

“I don’t think so,” Luke said. “I’m not misspending it now, I think, and it’ll never really be lost, as long as I have memories. Everything I’ve ever done is still a part of me, and always will be, even when I’m not doing it any more. So I guess for me the most important thing now is to not do things I know I’ll regret later, or ever. As long as I keep that in mind, I think the future will pretty much take care of itself. Like my dinner or my orgasm, it’s coming, no matter what. Best thing I can do is focus on the details and work on getting them right.”

“Thank you, Luke. I appreciate your taking time to give me some insight into your career and life.”

“It was a pleasure, Lana. Thanks for wanting to know.”

She tapped stop, and studied him for a while, her chin propped on her hand, her other hand still in his. “That was the deepest and truest thing I think anyone has ever said.”

“It’s … just how life looks, to me.”

“I want to make love with you.”

“I do too,” he said.

“Will it be a problem with your wife? God, listen to me, it sounds like I’m planning an affair. I mean, do you have some time, or is she expecting you home soon to cook her up some steaks and potatoes?”

“No, she’s having a … kind of a girls’ night out. She won’t be home … probably much before noon tomorrow, knowing her, and knowing the kinds of women she’s with. Once she gets into bed with someone, it’s on for a while.”

“They’re having sex?”

Luke looked at the time. “Not yet, but probably within another hour, at the latest, yeah.”

“Well, my apartment is only a few blocks away.”

“That’s probably close enough,” he said.

She giggled and stood. “Come on, babe. Hera’s calling.”