DILEMMA !

At fourteen, with the hormones being churned out of my just awakened testicles and surging through my young body as it led me by my hand towards the threshold of manhood, I realized that I was fascinated by men... Young men, men with bulging crotches and tight butts. And whenever I saw a good looking guy I shivered and felt my pubescent cock twitch and leak pre cum... Over time I became an inveterate crotch watcher and cursed the social norm where a guy had to 'hide' his cock in carefully tailored trousers, while women could proudly flaunt her breasts... even with padded bras and other means of supports, stick their chest out as they walked... Hey, why couldn't men do the same huh? Proudly strut their ASSETS too, I wondered...

I shouldn't say that it came as a shock, or that I was mortified by my attraction towards the male of the species... but it did make me wonder... But I accepted the signals being sent to my brains by the twitching cock and decided I was gay and also came to accept myself. Puberty itself is a trying time and with this new information I decided to keep to myself and instead of following the other kids at their effort of trying to get laid at the earliest, I kept myself busy jacking off, thinking about the guys I fancied.

Through the age of 16 I kept a very low profile doing nothing to attract undue attention towards myself, trying instead to get my thoughts clear... be sure of my orientation. Teenage is a time that all crazy ideas come and go and I wanted to be positive that my 'gayness' wasn't one of those passing phases... I was dying to try out those new parts of my body that had just 'filled out'... do the things my brains fantasized about, but decided I would rather wait and then make my final move. I wanted to be sure, HAD to be sure, before I did anything... I didn't want to regret anything later. Also I wanted to see how, if at all, women aroused me...

By 17 I had grown into a good looking young man, not very tall, but slim and lithe, with a swimmer's body, sleek, that had a lot of female friends desiring to date me. I did date them... not too frequently, but often enough to keep eyebrows from being raised too high in question... and by the time I turned 18 I was absolutely certain that girls didn't turn me on, not sexually. I liked them, liked to date them, talk and spend time with them but they did nothing to stir my cock... I kissed a few of my more steady dates and did grope around but my heart never shifted gears, my pulse remaining steady... and as for my cock, well, it lay dead in my briefs, out cold.

I knew... I knew it for a fact now, I was gay! I wasn't even bisexual, just guys turned me on, the sight of their encased cocks and those awesome tight butts, the masculine swagger... the well formed pecs and the pointed teats pushing out through the thin material of the shirt !

Now, to wait for my 'Prince Charming' to come in and sweep me off my feet...

And that's exactly what happened... The day after I turned 18 I met Lorenzo. With his dark Italian looks and curly black hair, the shimmering smooth olive skin, I was instantly smitten. And he DID sweep me off my feet, quite literally so, for at 6'3" he stood way above my 5'7" frame and the first time he kissed me, after he had cornered me in the spare bedroom at my friend's place where I had gone to attend a party, he just wrapped his hands around my narrow waist and lifted me up to his face level before planting his full lips squarely on my gasping mouth, leaving my feet dangling above the ground !

And after that first kiss I wasn't me anymore... He asked me to go with him, over to his place. And I went. That first night was crazy... absolutely incredible... totally out of this world!

He took me to his apartment in one of the more quieter suburbs of town and was gnawing away at my mouth the moment the elevator doors slid close... and by the time we entered his apartment we were already half naked. He again lifted me up and kissed me... making me shudder and groan with all my pent up lust and as we pulled at each others clothes I knew I would enjoy the night... my first time.

He carried me to the small table near the window and laid me down on it. He caught my knees and lifted my legs high... then dropping down on his haunches he just crushed his open mouth to my anus - extracting a wail from me at this sudden and impossibly great feeling... He licked the deep crack with long swipes of his tongue... starting at the bottom and working up to my jingling nuts. He repeated the move and soon I was shivering and moaning for him to take me... He probed deep, shoving his tongue in and doing some amazing things to my ass hole... Suddenly he pulled out and I felt him move up and soon my raging cock was buried deep in his clutching throat and I was gasping... gasping for air ! He sucked me, doing things that I never even knew could be done ... the feeling was incredible.

And all the while he had his fingers in me... doing things in and around my ass mouth... strong, insistent, wet and slimy...

I shut my eyes tight and wailed again, asking him to take me...

"Oh, take me... take me..." I ranted, "Do whatever you want... I can't... I can't stand this anymore..."

He released me and got between my raised legs and I felt him place his hot cock tip at my anal opening. I held the sides of the table in preparation and looked into his eyes, he stared back and gave a smile and at that moment shoved his hips forwards... My mouth flew open and my eyes shut as the broad head pushed my anal lips wide and ripped into me ! The pain was excruciating... but the feeling was indescribable... incredible!... of that large cock going into me, my most vital part... into my very essence... GOD, I LOVED IT !

I gripped the edge of the table tighter and screamed, in pain and in need and he quickly moved forward and falling over me crushed his mouth over mine, silencing me. My legs stiffened over his shoulders and then jerked spasmodically as he paused and pulled back a little to ram in again sending the whole hulking shaft deep inside my belly... setting my stomach in turmoil... thrilling me. I had waited for this for a long time... dreamed about it all my waking hours and now it was happening! AH! I was ecstatic!!!

He fucked me like a cheap whore on that tiny table by the window with long, massive thrusts... pushing all the turns and twists straight, cramming himself higher and deeper into my churning bottom. I clutched on to the sides tighter and slammed back at him, shove for shove, working my ass in short circular motions and squeezing his strutting pole with the powerful rectal muscles, making him groan and thrust even harder.

He suddenly got up pulling his mouth away and then did something incredible... Removing my legs from his shoulders he spread them wide... then pressing down on my thighs with his hands, holding me splayed... he leaned forwards and took me in his mouth !!!! God, he was fucking me and sucking me at the same time! I wailed and shook... it was amazing... indescribable!!! Having a huge cock rampaging in your ass and have the same guy suck you off! JESUS, it was out of this world!!!

And holding me that way, with my cock deep in his throat he pushed into me, making me lunge up and into his mouth and then he pulled out and had me grinding into his pubes...

"Ah, Lorenzo... Ooooooo..." I kept wailing, my head swimming at all the awesome feelings, my very first time and all these crazy things happening... I was numb, yet so alive...

He continued and every now and then would give an extra huge shove, ripping into me and I felt my cock snake deep into his clutching throat and then he would pull back and return to the more regular beat... I shrieked with lust and joy and loved every bit of the granite stiff penis ramming into me. I was already high, close to shooting, but with this double doze of ecstasy I knew my end was nigh and opening my mouth wide I screamed with lust and shuddered and within minute pushed up and came in his mouth... and the bastard just went on sucking, flicking my painfully tingling cock head with his tongue as I flooded his mouth with my cream... and he swallowed every bit of it. And as I came my ass went into top shift, churning violently, squeezing his cock, gripping it in a vice... and he lapped away!

As I fell back, exhausted... he released my dick and speeded up, ramming into me like a mad dog in heat, massive thrusts of the huge cock, splitting me wide as he fucked me on that table near the open window with the light from the lamp casting its soft glow all over us... illuminating us for anyone curious enough to look out of their own windows to see...

He now gripped my waist and as he shoved in he pulled me into him, slamming my ass against his groin, filling the room with the sensuous sound of flesh rapping flesh, the beautiful sound of fucking! But I was too gone by now... my ass felt raw and I could hardly breathe. But Lorenzo never missed a beat as he plummeted my sore ass hole and with a sudden twist wrenched out his cock from the ravaged hole, making me holler at the top of my lungs and shot his thick cream all over my heaving chest and belly!

And with his twitching cock head still spewing thick cream he moved back to my open ass slit and rammed it in! I could just groan softly at the reinsertion and squeezed the shaft in welcome... He fell over me and with his cum smearing both our bodies he crushed his mouth to mine, shoving his tongue in. I wrapped my hands around his broad shoulders and groaned, my legs still wide and high.

We remained there kissing... nay, gnawing at each other's mouth. There was saliva all over, dripping, as our lips worked... sucking at each others flesh... his tongue licking my whole face, getting it sopping wet... Hungry slurps filled the room as he continued to hump me ever so lightly with his still buried, semi hard cock, the juices frothing before leaking out of the stretched hole, coating my ass cheeks. It was so amazing... so dirty, so lewd... I thrilled!

Much later, after we had regained our breath, he slowly lifted me and still impaled on his cock carried me into the bedroom. And I lay under him hollering in lust... savoring my first sexual encounter, fulfilling all my wildest desires... asking him to fuck me more!

After I had regained some semblance of normality he flipped me over and entered me from behind... He fucked me three more times that night and as the eastern sky turned pink with the approach of dawn we finally slept.

I was barely able to crawl home late the next afternoon and that evening I came out to my parent and was pleasantly surprised and extremely happy with their acceptance of my sexuality. This gave me courage to open up and confide in all my friends and to my joy I was still a friend to most of them. And the girls seemed especially excited, embracing me like a long lost friend!

And after that it was a roller coaster ride all the way... high, high and away! I never seemed to get enough of Lorenzo's wild lovemaking and not a day passed that we weren't locked in each other's arms, fucking up hell's raging flames. He was a licker all right; he licked my whole face and body each time, getting it all wet and slimy, with the broad swipes of his wet tongue and then did my ass like it held his favorite dish hidden deep within... before he finally fucked me... It was crazy and oh so fulfilling... I thrived on it.

And then he invited me to spend a whole weekend with him, I agreed. On Friday night I went over to his place and after the usual nightlong orgy we finally went to sleep. I got up around noon and went into the bathroom to take a shower and as I stepped out he entered... Seeing me all wet and fresh he grinned and pulled me close. Taking me in his arms he kissed me and then turning me around he asked me to kneel down...

"Get on your hands and knees..." he said, "and face the tub."

And as I got into position he got behind me and spread my legs. I felt him pry my cheeks open and felt him bring the bloated head in close and then with a massive shove thrust home... I shrieked at the sudden pain of his brutal entry, but also pushed back at the same time, thrilling at the merciless stretching... the rough riding... And then he did the most crazy thing... He left my hips and I felt him snake his hands between my parted thighs and felt him bend low over my back. He moved his legs, bringing his knees forward and giving a huge shove reached for the bath with his hands and gripped the sides, next to where I was holding... lifting my knees off the floor, leaving me suspended in mid air clutching the bath for dear life. My thighs resting on the crook of his bent arm on his elbows!!! God it felt incredible and was he strong!!! He moved in further... spreading his elbows... spreading me wider... I was totally off the floor now... totally splayed wide, my top half over the rim of the tub and he fucked me like that... carrying my whole weight, thrusting into me with ass jarring and spine jolting shoves, carrying me higher and higher towards orgasmic frenzy.

I shut my eyes and opened my mouth wide, wailing at the pain... the impossible pleasure tearing at me... This was wild... INCREDIBLE! I could do nothing but groan, hanging on for dear life... and he fucked away, fucking me with tremendous force, his cock like a jack hammer, ripping into my very vitals. He filled me full repeatedly with the huge shaft and then brutally wrenched it out, setting my stomach in turmoil and I loved it and cried for more !!!

It must have been over half an hour when I finally felt him speed up and felt his cock thicken within me and braced myself for the searing hot enema that I was sure he would now unleash. He groaned and then let out a huge roar as he slammed into me and inundated my rectum with his man seeds... it was mind-boggling!

I was almost insensible, ready to pass out when he ultimately pulled out and dropped me. I remained there on the floor, my hands gripping onto the side of the tub, legs splayed wide, my ass remaining high in the air, the tiny hole now obscenely wide open and twitching... the just deposited nectar gushing out to roll down my spread thighs. My head drooped low and I saw him between my open thighs, pull back, the last few drops of cum falling from his still immense cock... I knew I had just experienced something that guys can only dream about but never experience!

But despite all the awesome pleasures and joys, something seemed to be missing... After the initial flush I realized I didn't somehow 'fit' into his idea of a relationship. I didn't believe in 'role playing'... I wasn't a 'tops' or 'bottoms' guy... I wanted a full and mutual relationship... and, he claimed he was an absolute TOP and I could be just his 'bottom'. I didn't mind, but it did make me wonder... Maybe it was the Italian male in him... maybe it was the almost animal frenzy with which he made love... but it made me desire for something more human, someone more gentle... No, I wasn't hating it or disliking it, but just wanting to experience what it felt like to make love in a more 'normal' kind of way, if you get me...

So, why didn't I walk away? Was I too enamored of him... was I too lazy to go out and find another guy? I didn't know, really. And so I continued...

And then he got shifted out of the country. He worked for one of the leading software firms and was sent to the Far East to take charge of their latest operations there. Leaving me alone... suddenly empty...

END OF PART I                                                 Click here to go to Part Two

   DILEMMA !

It was around this time that I got into law school and met Vincent, a fellow student. He was an extremely attractive person and seemed to be a very intelligent and interesting individual, quiet and sensible. Something seemed to click and we soon became friends and before long were practically spending all our free time together. And though he, like everyone else, knew that I was gay, it didn't seem to affect our friendship.

With his fair good looks, Vinny was exactly the opposite of Lorenzo's mammoth, dark handsomeness. About my height and equally slim, he was blond and exceptionally handsome. The eyes a deep azure that seemed to simmer whenever he had that intense look on his face.

They were opposites also in personality - while Lorenzo was the all-male, painfully macho Marlboro Man, exuding a raw sexuality. Vinny was quiet, calm and sensitive, never given to extremes of emotions, very controlled.

Though very attracted towards him - sexually and otherwise, I never gave any indication of my interest, preferring to remain just friends. And then something incredible happened...

We had met at the cafeteria after class and got talking, something about a case that interested us both and I asked him over to my place. He came and while we sat and discussed he just turned and told me that he thought a lot about me... he said that he knew he was gay too, knew it for a long time, but was kinda scared... but now he was prepared and wanted to try it out... And, he wanted me to be the first guy... if I was willing...

Well, you could drop me dead with the flick of a feature... The very guy that I was dying to get into the pants of, was sitting right in front of me, in my home, and offering himself up to me!

We had been sitting on the couch and we just looked at one another... I don't know who moved first, but slowly our face moved towards each other, his eyes shutting as his lips inched within centimeters of mine. I felt his hot breath singeing my cheek as he titled his face, my own breath coming in spurts... I closed my own eyes and our lips touched... Our very first kiss, his first male kiss...

I saw flashes of colors as a jolt pass down my spine... and heard him gasp, a shiver passing through his whole frame...

My hands lifting to reach out... touch him... His hands too slowly crept up my sides and we moved closer still...I felt him touch my cheek, a soft, gentle caress... his other hand taking mine and placing it between his open thighs, over the swollen bulge. And as my hand lay limply over the throbbing mound, I felt his hand reach between my own legs, groping at my crotch... feeling the hardened stalk through the denim.

I gasped as his hands closed over and lightly squeezed my package... and then felt him tug at the zipper... His other hand was still holding my chin, caressing my cheek... Slowly, my hands too moved... Feeling his bulge, stroking the elongated stalk through his pants... my other hand now on his right thigh, caressing.

Suddenly pulling back he reached for my t-shirt and slowly pulled it off, staring admiringly at my naked body... Then undoing the single button he pulled off my jeans, the zipper already downed earlier. He fell, on his haunches, between my thighs and again grabbed my cock, now hard and throbbing, pushing high through the boxers, and kissed the covered head.

I lay back and spread my thighs wider, letting him decide and set the level and limit of our union...

He played with the covered cock... his hands stroking the shaft and feeling the balls... and then slipping in through the leg opening to touch and feel the flesh... His mouth in the mean time licked and nibbled along both my thighs... And then he sat up and hooking his fingers in the waistband started pulling off the boxers. I raised my ass off the couch, aiding him in his effort and soon he was flinging the boxer over his shoulder to the far corner of the room.

He looked down, between my legs, his pink tongue licking the full lips... eyes drinking in the sight before him... curious, fascinated... And then he fell forward and with both hands grabbed the cock, his mouth lowering to take in the head!

I didn't exactly know what was on his mind or if he had any earlier experience... but the way he tried to take me in told me he was desperate and indeed, a gay virgin...

The coughs raked his whole body as he gagged and pulled back, having taken in more than he could handle. I quickly got up and got down on the floor, by his side, taking him in my arms, holding him...

"Sorry..." he said, looking up at me, eyes teary, the face red...

"No, I'm sorry..." I said, "I should have stopped you..."

"I don't know how to..." he replied sheepishly, "guess, took too much, too soon."

"Yes, you did." I told him. "Now you sit down and let me show you..." I said, pushing him towards the couch.

He got up and sat down, looking down at me... "But I want to suck you Ryan"

"Oh, yes, you will. But first lets show you how it's done." I smiled up at him as I took my position between his legs, pushing his thighs apart.

"OK.." he said softly.

Undoing the waist-cord of his cargoes I undid the single button and then pulling down the zip I pulled off his pants. He lifted his ass and raised his legs, helping me. I was hit by the strong scent of aroused sexuality, musky and intoxicating... The sheer cotton brief was tented high, soaking wet where the head of the surprisingly large cock lay, the pre-cum oozing out in a continuous flow!

Running my hands over the smooth surface I slowly inched closer towards the junction of his trembling thighs, feeling the skin tingle under my fingers... his breath already a harsh gasp... and as I rolled my thumbs over the exceedingly large balls he jerked and grabbed my hands...

Looking up I saw his closed eyes, the mouth open and tongue lolling... the cheeks flushed crimson... Sliding the thumb under the leg bands I touched his scrotum, thick and leathery... and felt the balls move under the loose skin... Hooking my fingers in the waistband I tugged and felt his hands loosen its grip as his ass lifted off the couch. Pulling them off I saw his cock for the first time and nearly screamed with joy!

It was truly large, obscenely oversized for his stature, the pubes practically bare with only a sparse growth of wiry blond hair, the large scrotum smooth, encasing balls nearly the size of large plums!

Licking my lips I took the throbbing shaft in my hands and slowly stroked it... hearing him moan in response, his hands running over his belly and chest, the t-shirt pushed high. Moving closer I darted out my tongue and licked the drooling tip and saw his hips jerk, the cock flexing wildly in my hand...

Having been schooled by Lorenzo in the art of male sex on his monstrous phallus; I knew I would have no problem taking Vinny. Thought very large, he was still 'smaller' when compared to Lorenzo. Opening my mouth wide I slowly took the head in and tasted the first gush of Vinny's pre-cum, his essence... And as he sat stiff, as if frozen, I lunged forward, taking in more than half of his phallus into my mouth, feeling it hit the back of my throat!

He let out a howl, his whole body trembling, the legs twitching madly, and his hands grabbed my head, the fingers pulling at my hair.

Thanking Lorenzo for having trained me well I plunged in... taking more and more of him into my throat, sucking, licking, squeezing the throbbing cock as it vibrated with a maddening frenzy, flooding my mouth with the salty effluence of passion... Moaning loudly, the hips shoved up... higher... his hands shoving my face deeper, thrilling at an experience so new to him, so novel.

"Ah... Ryan... ah, stop..." he suddenly whispered in a husky voice, his hands trying to hold my head steady. "I want to suck you... uh... too."

Releasing the tasty morsel and lifting my head off his lap, I looked up at him.

He had a far-away look in his eyes, the mouth open... face flushed... the nipples erect and pointed...

"Don't like this?" I asked.

"Oh, yes... it's amazing... but I also want to suck you..." he answered.

"Well, we could work that out." I said as I got up and took his arm, pulling him up. "Lets go into the bedroom."

He followed me and I pulled off his t-shirt before I laid him down on the bed and climbed in.

The obvious solution was a 69 and soon we scrambled into position... and as I lashed out my tongue, licking the throbbing shaft I heard him give a satisfied moan, taking my cock in his hands and inserting it into his warm mouth... He was slow this time, gentle, almost following me in each action, imitating what I had done, the way I had done it. But still when he tried taking it all in he gagged again and after giving it a few moments he was back, but this time he didn't attempt taking it all, instead he just swallowed about half while the remaining part he stroked with his fingers...

In what seemed a matter of minutes, I saw the desperate hunches... the unmistakable shudder and the almost frenzied shoves as he reached his orgasm... leaving my cock and letting out a long moan, punctured with my name he let out a volley of scalding hot, fresh cream, inundating my mouth with his love juice!

I gulped, savoring the new taste... so different from Lorenzo's. His was 'smoother', more mild, and even less salty... and didn't have the strong flavor to it that marked Lorenzo's copious discharge.

He had already released my cock as he reached the peak, his hand just holding it in a vice, as if hanging on for his life... And as he gave the final shove and spurted the last drop, he buried his face in my groin and let out a moan, his body still shuddering... His grip finally loosened and he rolled back... pulling his spent cock from my oral grip...

I got up and turning, moved in closer, kissing first his cheek and then his mouth. He just lay there, eyes closed, the mouth still open, sucking in air. He wrapped his arms around me and slowly kissed back...

I was content to stay like that; after all, I had already decided I'd let him set the pace...

Pulling back he looked into my eyes and smiled before pulling me down again and kissing me, this time more passionate, more alive!

And as we rolled around in bed, our limbs entwined, bodies rubbing, the room reverberated with the sounds of the slurps and smacks... soft groans and the harsh breathing of young lust...

He pushed me away and rolling over lay on his back looking up at me... then he reached up and holding my shoulders pulled me over him, whispering in a very low, husky voice, "Fuck me Ryan..."

I knew what it could feel like being taken the first time, of being entered by someone... and so I was very careful, suddenly very conscious about my responsibilities, about not doing anything to hurt him... Not desirous of just 'slamming' in... as I had become so accustomed to, with Lorenzo.

Getting out the tube of lubricant from the drawer I slowly, with tender care lubed him up, opening him... feeling the muscles relax... the tiny orifice flutter open, pushing out, and then with even more care I finally took him!

He was just lost in pleasure... and after that single pitiable wail, remained pretty much silent... And as I began the act of mating in real earnest he just rolled his head on the pillow, grimacing a lot and sucking in air through his open mouth. And except for a few odd gasps and moans nothing else escaped him... In contrast I have always been a very vocal lover, especially when on the receiving end... and now, as I reversed the role, I found out that even when on top I was equally vocal!

But then, even in his silence he spoke a million... with his touch, his face and his eyes! And trust me, it said a lot more than all my hollering and obscenities put together.

Later, we experimented a bit more and before he left the next morning, I offered him my ass, which he, very gratefully, accepted.

His style, as in every other aspect, in lovemaking too, was in direct contrast to Lorenzo... Slow, gentle... and considerate... He wasn't there for his pleasure alone... and thought it was his first time he was conscious of trying to make it good for his partner too!

And as we met more and more and got into a regular lovemaking routine I realized how much I liked it...

Sex with him was totally different... nothing frenzied or animal like. It was soft and romantic... sweet and relaxing. It didn't leave me breathless and exhausted, not physically, instead seemed to rejuvenate my very soul, leaving me emotionally high... Suddenly this seemed so much better, so much more fulfilling. And for the first time we were not playing any roles... we did what we felt like, what our mood dictated at that moment... It was mutual and with lots of respect... it wasn't just heat and lust, but much more...We had finally found love, not just plain sex...

We decided to move in together and by the time we finished law school and were preparing to take the bar we were living together as a couple. I was already 'out' and he too came out to his family and though not happy about it they didn't throw him out or reject him outright. And as for our friends, they already knew.

END OF PART II                                                 Click here to go to Part Three

   DILEMMA !

Vinny joined a leading law firm, while I went to the Attorney General's office as a junior and there I met my new colleague Susan...

Tall and beautiful, she was a vivacious young lady, who you could neither hate nor ignore... she demanded instant attention and a lot of respect! Exceptionally intelligent, with a hawk's-eye for overlooked details and a brain that seemed fathomless with the amount of info she could store in there!

I was very good with words - twisting and turning them till it left most people gasping in confusion. And I was also very good with my arguments. And together we formed an unbeatable team! Soon, our area of interest and our specialization being the same, we were working together on cases.

And before long we got to be very good friends too...

It was about 8 months into my new job when we had a major victory, that not only set a precedent but made the legal fraternity sit up and applause... and that day, after the celebrations at the office finally stopped she asked if I would drop her off at her place... Her car had gone for some minor repair and she didn't have transport.

"Come in." she suggested as I parked the car in the basement of her building.

She took a beer and curled up on the rug at the foot of the large, carved wooden elephant, that she had near the couch.

We talked about work, but soon the subject changed and somewhere along the way, Vinny came in... She asked and I answered. This was the first time we were actually talking about him, about us... about our relationship... She seemed interested.

We talked some more and then getting up and taking my empty can she asked if I wanted another... I accepted... and she handed me a fresh one before going behind the couch, behind me, and standing there.

And as I sat I felt her hands on my shoulders... Looking up I saw her smile down, and then lowering her face she kissed my forehead... I can't say what came over me, or why I did what I did... but my hands lifted and holding her I pulled her around, sitting her down by my side on the couch... and kissed her on the mouth. She returned the kiss... passionate... yet unlike a male kiss!

It felt amazing...

We rejoined our mouth and there was more hunger this time, both our breath coming in harsh gasps...

My arms wrapped around her, pulling her closer and she came, moaning her hunger in my mouth... Caressing, my hands dropped down to her breasts... feeling the natural mounds through the sheer material of her summer dress... the softness, the very large nipples, the warmth... She wasn't wearing any bra!

It felt awesome... so new, so arousing... kneading the full globes I slowly travelled down... between her legs, under the short dress... and felt her part them, giving me access to her treasures... The skin so smooth... so silky.... so different to touch. And stroking her thighs I inched higher... closer to her center... And as my finger made contact, I felt her shudder, a soft moan escaping her parted lips...

Her panty was already soaking wet as my fingers nudged in... Rubbing her aroused sex through the cotton I applied pressure and as my thumb ran over the prominent lips, now swollen, obvious even through the material, I felt them twitch and kind of open, part... my thumb sliding in the valley... and that's when I must have hit something for she kind of went hyper... Jumping up and pushing down on my fingers... her mouth sucking on my lower lip...

She moaned into my mouth and I felt her reach between my legs... the slender fingers cover my, as I noted with surprise, erect penis!

And then it was all crazy...

That first night, there was just a hint of guilt as I got home... Vinny was waiting for me, supper ready... and a bottle of champagne chilled and ready in the bucket... and as we cuddled up in bed after another round of celebrations, for a fleeting moment I wondered if he could still smell her on me, even after the quick shower that I had taken before leaving her...

He had asked no questions for my delay in coming home, he had heard about our win and had known that I would be late. But neither did he question my not calling in to inform him (which we both always did when working late). ... He was just very happy for me... and very proud... and that was it!

But next morning as I walked into office and Susan came over to my desk... her very sight, the memory of the previous night, the temptation, was too great... and though she never demanded or asked for it, I went with her after work...

We started having sex regularly... after work and even on Sunday afternoons, whenever I could manage to get away from Vinny... ready with a very good 'reason' for my Sunday afternoon escapades... and he never questioned.

But then, I always come back to my Vinny... I love him... but, I like her too... and I like the sex with her...

It is absolutely amazing with her... No, I'm not comparing... sex with Vinny is incredible too, but different. And with Susan, it is different again... There is the same intensity, the same passion, the same physical hunger, but somehow different... The touch is different, as is the feel...

To have her under me, to feel her breasts under my chest, her tender arms around my heaving shoulders... the feminine touch... the feminine scent... It is all so very different. And I absolutely love it!

The clutch and warmth of her pussy, so different from the grip and flutter of Vinny's ass. Its two totally different thing, two different feel... just can't be compared... neither can be substituted ... both awesome in it's own right!

But yes, she can't give me what Vinny can... she can't give me a cock to suck - which I absolutely love, and she can't fuck my ass, which I also love and need... that only Vinny can!

And neither can she really match Vinny in giving head!

I realize that I actually desire both... I want both! Suddenly the knowledge is dawning upon me, that I'm attracted, sexually, to both men and women. I, who laughed at the so-called bisexual man, was finding out the hard way that it is possible - possible to love both man and woman... I had heard about bisexual married men and their dilemma... their mental agony about their sexuality, about coming out to their wife... telling her about their other side... and I had made the usual snide remarks about these men, derided them... joked and said all the usual things that we guys love to say about bisexual men... But now I was in a similar situation... only in reverse! Now I was realizing that my sexuality, like so many other men's wasn't simply gay or straight, but more complex... more complicated.

I love Vincent dearly and can't just think of loosing him, but I also realize I like Susan... and I don't want to loose her either. Susan is not the problem... she knows of my sexuality, about my relationship, always knew about it, and willing, accepting, open to it. She isn't interested in trying to break it up or in 'possessing' me... she likes me the way I am and wants to have a healthy and open relationship... and doesn't mind sharing me with Vincent... and I'm loving it! But what do I do about it... about Vincent?

I'm worried about Vinny... about telling him... but I don't know what to say, what to tell him... Though I want him to know about this whole thing... about this other side of me, I am scared stiff about his reaction... Would he understand? Accept? I'm also worried about the pain I know I'll be causing him... And I don't want to hurt him... I want to tell him but don't know how to go about it... I just don't know what to tell him... HOW to tell him!

But I also don't want him to 'find' out about it from someone else... hear the 'gossips'... Having him find out from others could be more devastating... It would be more hurtful, too demeaning... He is a very sensitive person and would be shattered... and he would never forgive me...

But what do I tell him... how do I tell him?

   THE END

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