Date: Fri, 20 Dec 2002 10:31:04 EST
From: JuilianJ@aol.com
Subject: GRADUATION DAY PART 3

I just saw that shit as wrong and immoral, dicking down another nigga -
what the fuck!  And it hasn't been easy on me cause everybody that we knew
kept asking what happened to Adrian and I would be like, 'I don't give a
damn bout that nigga' but nobody was believing that the split was final,
even me.  I should tell y'all that I saw him the other day at McDonalds and
I just about flipped out.  I was in the line waiting fo ma order when he
walked in with some chick I didn't recognize.  He didn't see me but I sure
as hell saw him and believe me when I say he had me bugging.  He looked
like Adrian but yet he wasn't.  Looked like he was pumping the iron and
working out or something cause his abs looked tight and I had to catch
myself when I thought about that cause I ain't no...I ain't like Adrian,
never was, never will be.

" Yo Terry, where ma kid at?  You told me six and it's six fifteen, where
the fuck you at? "  " Calm down nigga, I'm on ma way, traffic is backed up
so keep your shit in check. "  Damn I hated this bitch with a passion.
Always holding up ma program with her excuses.  Her ass finally dropped of
ma son around seven fifteen and she had the nerve to bring her latest nigga
wit her.  " Who him? "  " Why you care, jealous? "  " Hell naw but I don't
want you bringing all these different nigga's round ma son. "  " Well I do
what the fuck I wanna do Dameon so don't tell me who I can or can't fuck. "
" Fuck whoever you want, just don't do it round him. "  She just hissed her
teeth and walked back the car.  "Project ho. " I said under my breath
taking my son inside.


Becoming a father had changed my perspective on a whole lotta shit.  I
wasn't interested in hanging out on them streets just waiting fo something
to come along cause I got all I needed right here with me, enuff said.  I
was working steady again in construction and even taking a few classes at
Community College.  Moms and me was back on speaking terms and in a sudden
move I asked her for ma brother's number.  She was all happy about that but
I told her not to get her hopes up - yet cause I wasn't too sure if I was
gonna use it or not.  And believe it or not I had started going to Church.
It started as a monthly thing just to get my son registered and all but
then I met a cool brotha that was in ma same predicament - a single father
of sorts with not one, not two but three kids - all daughters ranging from
four to nineteen.  What got me for a loop was when he told me that his
eldest was a lesbian.  "Say what man?  How you deal with that shit? "  " I
didn't at first but I soon realized that she was the most important person
in my life and I needed to accept everything there was about her.  It takes
a while but it will happen.  I don't know how I'm gonna react when she
wants to bring home a girlfriend but I can guarantee that she'll have my
unconditional support and love. "  And it got me thinking, what if my son
turned out that way, would I just kick him to the curb like I did...  I
couldn't even say his name.  And looking at my lil man I couldn't imagining
ditching him for anything, even that.  And that got me to thinking about
how I treated Adrian.  By this time a year done passed and I hadn't seen
him in almost six months.  I gotta admit that I was curious to know what
was happening with him and I felt a need to apologize for all the shit I
put him through but I wasn't ready to concede yet - I mean, while I know I
was wrong, I don't want to admit it.

What I did do instead was call up Christopher for the first time in God
knows how long.  When I heard his voice it's like ma heart got all quiet.
" Hello? "  " Chris? "  " Yeah.  Who is this? "  Damn, he didn't even
recognize ma voice.  " It's D. " and then the line went all quiet.  " You
still there homie? "  " Yeah D, just trying to put my tongue back in ma
head. "  " What? "  " You just shocked the hell outta me, that's all.  How
yaw doing man, how ma nephew? "  " Damn homie, he good, real good, getting
big, you should come see him or I can bring him up by you. "  That was the
first time in a long time that I had gone out of my way to make things
happen between us.  " Yeah, uh... that would be cool man.  Damn D, I missed
you brotha! "  And I thought I heard him sniffle.  " Yeah me too man, been
thinking bout a whole lotta shit lately and I realize that I ain't been
acting right, it's like now that I'm a father I got to get ma act together
and.. "  I was at a lost, I was never good with them words.  " I know D, I
know.  You was always ma family. "  And that's how it went down.  We talked
for like an hour and it was all good.  He brought up all these memories
from when we was young and it was like we was boyz again.  He also asked me
bout the situation with Adrian. : " How you know bout that, naw, don't
answer, moms, right! "  " Yeah but I talked to the source myself.  Homie
been missing you man. "  " He told you bout what I did before I stepped? "
" Naw and I don't want to know. "  Good.  " how he doing man?  He ok? " And
then I asked something I ain't never thought I would ask, " He and that
nig, I mean brotha still chilling. "  The way I said chilling he couldn't
misinterpret what I was meaning. " Naw, that shit was ova a long time
ago. "  Good.  " But anyway man I got to get some sleep so we can talk
tomorrow ok? "  " Yeah brotha tomorrow is good. "  " And D? "  " Yeah. "  "
I love you man. "  And he hung up.  " I love you too brotha. " I whispered
into the phone.

	So it was like the sun was shinning brighter for the whole family.
Moms had this irremovable smile on her face and was whistling up a storm
while she was making dinner.  The whole family was gonna be there: me and
ma son, Chris, Auntie Jackie and her new man Angelo, Uncle Stan and his
wife Sheila and all of them cousins we be having, Davis, Miles, Marshall
and Robert.  I was happy bout it and told moms so, " Boy am I glad to hear
that, you make mama so proud baby, you and Chris make me so proud. " and
believe me when I said that that shit felt good to hear.  " I 'm glad you
feel that way ma. "  " Good! Then you won't mind that I invited Adrian to
come too, after all, he is family. "  And even though I was nervous I
smiled and told her I had no problem with that.  At about six thirty
everybody was called to the table and I made a quick scan of the room,
everybody was here except for - there goes the doorbell.  Moms looked at me
and I got up.  As I walked down the halfway ma heart was beating twice as
fast, as I reached for the door my palms got sweaty and as I opened the
door ma throat got dry.  After not seeing him for almost a year I got the
shock of ma life.  Little Adrian, the boy I always picked on when we was
young wasn't all that little anymore.  He wasn't necessarily any taller but
his build got bigger.  The chest was like making it's mark on him and I
couldn't help but think for the first time in ma life, " The boy was
looking foine. "  There was just too much going on in my mind for me to
realize what a statement like that could imply.  " Daemon! " he said
shocked to see me.  I wanted to hug him but was afraid he would recoil and
that would mash ma shit right into the ground.  " Dre, uh, how yaw doing
man? "  And it was at that moment he shocked me and grabbed me and pulled
me into an embrace.  " How the hell you think I'm doing man?  You just
clock a brotha and step, how the fuck am I supposed to be doing. " And it
was then I realized he was crying.  My heart went out to him and I wanted
to do some damage to myself for putting the best friend I ever had in so
much pain.  " I know Dre and I'm sorry man, you got no idea how sorry I am
that I fucked up. "  When we finally pulled apart I realized also for the
first time that I cared how Dre saw me and me standing there crying like
some bitch was not what I wanted him to see.  I wiped my eyes with the back
of my hand and put them in my pockets.  Changing the subject I turned to
walk back inside, " moms made a big dinner so I hope you ain't eat yet. "
" Naw, she told me so I came with my belly and all. "  " Good, you know how
she gets when food goes to waste. "  He just shook his head and laughed.

	So we been chilling non-stop for like seven months and we back to
where we was.  The only difference was that when we went out I knew he was
scooping the brothas rather than the sistas and that had me bugging out but
as I had resolved a long time ago, it was his prerogative to mess round
with who he wanted.  Another difference was that every time a brotha
stepped to him I got kinda jealous, I know, it might seem normal and shit
but it wasn't the kind a jealousy you feel cause a man be hitting up on
your friend.  I was jealous cause, and I can't believe I'm gonna say this
shit... I was jealous cause it ain't me.  I know what y'all thinking and
you can get yaw mind off a that - I ain't gay, homo or whatever you want to
call it.  I was 100% hetero and I was still fucking women but I just had a
small piece in me that was curious to know about that life.  And I figured
that that curiosity was messing with ma head and a piece a ma heart.  Yeah
I loved Adrian but I didn't LOVE Adrian.  But I wasn't about to let him
know how I was feeling.  So when he asked me to go with him to the village
to get something I was like, " naw man, I ain't comfortable yet with all
that. "  He just said ok and was about to leave when I just said ok.  We
was driving up to where NYU was when we stopped in front of a brownstone.
" Why we stop? "  " I gotta pick up something. "  " I thought you was
talking bout at a store. "  " No, not a store.  When Cameron and me split
he kept my key, I want it back. "  " You gave that nigga a key to yo place?
"  " Yeah, stupidly. "  Damn, homie had it bad.  And again I felt those
feelings of jealousy.  " Well that nigga better don't give you no problems
or I'm gonna have to show him up shorty. "  " Yeah, yeah. "

We was sitting there for bout five minutes when Dre opened the driver's
side of the car and stepped out, " I'll be back. " he declared before
walking in the direction of a car that just pulled up.  I watched with
caution as he bent down to the drivers' side and said something to the
occupant.  The car door opened and out came who but.  "I don't want no
trouble Cameron, just gimme back what belongs to me. "  " Nigga who you?  I
ain't gotta give you back shit and you ain't getting back shit. "  From
what I was hearing I ain't gonna just sit back and watch as this punk
disrespected ma homie.  " you want a fight brotha?  Just give him back his
key. "  " So what, you and this nigga be boning now. "  All my insecurities
came rushing back, " What the fuck you say? "  "You heard me nigga, you all
fucking friends now. "  I was stepping forward when Dre put a hand on my
chest to stop me, " Don't D, I'll handle this. "  All woulda been fine and
dandy if he didn't have to say another word.  " So who fucks who? "  I was
rushing him like a bronco and had him pinned to his car while I knocked the
shit outta him.  On the second hit I struck blood and just kept going for
mine.  " Stop it D, you're gonna kill him. " and he dragged me off of him
and then WHACK.  The nigga knocked me down on the ground.  I hit my head
against the pavement and blacked out.


Adrian's' P.O.V.

	I wasn't one to fight but I was on Cameron the minute I saw D hit
the ground.  It was like something in me snapped and those old feelings
that I was trying to suppress so hard started to resurface.  I would have
liked to have told y'all that I got mine and beat the crap outta him but it
wasn't meant to be.  One hit to my stomach and I was down and out for the
count.  I remember him making a move to kick me and then someone knocked
him from behind.  Looking up I saw a cop cuffing him and then bending down
to check if I was ok.  I could hear my self say, "Yeah but I think my
friend needs an ambulance. "  He went over to check up on D then called in
help on his radio.  I struggled to get up and to walk a few feet to where D
laid.  "You ok man?"  "Yeah, I'm ok, you ok?"  "Yeah."  Before I realized
what I was doing, my hand was on his cheek gently stroking it.  What was
surprising to me was he did not recoil but instead gently held my hand.

WELL GUYS I AM UNSURE ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT I SHOULD CONTINUE THIS STORY.
THE RESPONSES HAVE BEEN LUKE WARM AND I AM NOT SURE IT IS WORTH MY TIME TO
FINISH IT.  IF YOU WANT ME TO CONTINUE PLEASE EMAIL ME AND LET ME KNOW.