By the way, Janus is the name of the Roman god who looks forward and backward at once. Don't violate laws by reading this personal recollection of my youth. No one was harmed in this reminiscence, which is intended for adult use in the comfort of their own minds. Youth sometimes takes risks, wisely or unwisely. If you email, please be civil.

Conversation with a Girl

By Bi_janus (

"So, you really like my finger in your ass when I'm sucking you."

"Well, duh! You like me to play with your ass when I'm eating you. Why shouldn't I like it, too?"

"Robbie, you are the most unusual boy I've ever met."

"I'm not sure whether to thank you for that comment or not."

"Oh, you should and you're welcome. I haven't been with many guys, but you make eating me an art. You are so tuned in to my needs. I think I've cum more times since we've been together than I did my whole life before. Plus, I really get a kick out of how your face looks when we're fucking and I pull on your tits."

"Here's a bit of secret information for you. Guys love it when girls appreciate their efforts. Back to my ass. What's your point?"

"Well, we've agreed that if you want to fuck guys, we have to talk about it first, and I kind of think I may have given you the idea that I probably wouldn't be happy about it."

"You're not as subtle as you think, you know?"

"Well, like you said, if I like something, I'm not sure why thinking that you might like it should be weird, and I do like sucking you . . . a lot."

Turning over on the bed and lying on my back with my hands behind my head, I said, "Out with it, woman. You're confusing me."

She was gently playing with my nipple and saying, "Well, since you've been teaching Bobby, your eye wanders more to hot guys than before. I know you think of him as a brother, but he is cute and I thought that might be hard on you. I know what a huge boy crush he had on you. Seems like he and Freddie are doing their thing now."

I started to reply, but she said, "Shush, I'm not through. I mean I know I'm not wired like you. Girls do nothing for me, but, if they did, I don't think I could do without. And then, you're such a jock. I'm more than a little curious about how you are, or I should say, how you've been with other guys. You told me when we first discussed this that I could ask anything."

"I meant it. You're the first girl who didn't run screaming for the hills when I told her. My mom told me there were creatures like you, but I didn't believe it for a long time."

She laughed and said, "Okay. So what do you like to do with guys?"

"What I like to do with you, with one exception. I mean I like to go down on them. I like to fuck guys and, yes, I like to be fucked, if the guy knows what he's doing. The exception is because you don't have the equipment for it. Don't freak, but I've always wanted to chow down on a girl and a guy while they're fucking. I'm not like a pendulum. Different combinations in a threesome are my holy grail, sexually."

"I think that would be very hot, I mean intellectually, but I think I'm too controlled for that. I'd have to know the guys pretty well to be comfortable. That's a tall order. First, if you find a gay guy, he won't be interested in me, and if we find a straight guy, it would be a disaster. So, we'd have to find a bi guy, and I think you're the only one in existence."

"One of the more frustrating aspects of my life."

After leaning over and gently biting the nipple she had been playing with, she said "Well, I'd like to help you with that. It's a little scary for me. We both know that we aren't soul mates for each other, but I love you and don't like to see you frustrated."

"Well, first, I don't have to fuck everyone I'm attracted to, and second, if you don't stop playing with my tit, this is going to be a short conversation."

"Sorry!" she said grasping my very hard dick. "How about you find someone who wouldn't mind me watching you and him fuck?"

I began to fuck gently into her fist as it enclosed me. "Yeah, sure. Guys who want to be watched are so much more common than bisexuals."

Here the conversation ended temporarily because we got a little breathless for half an hour.

Sandra was the most mature person my age I'd ever met. She was direct, unafraid to try new things, could talk about important things, and tried to take care of me like I tried to do for her. She listened to David Bowie and Montserrat Caballé, whom she taught me to love. The next day at school, I was thinking about what she suggested. It would be hot. The thought of looking into her eyes while I sucked cock made me happily, but uncomfortably, hard. That's why they make notebooks.

Life went on for a few weeks during which she'd occasionally ask, "Anyone out there yet?"

Our sex was great and I really loved just spending time with her, listening to music or watching a movie. But, she had been clear from the beginning that she couldn't picture herself as part of a permanent pair with a bisexual. I appreciated the honesty, but that just sucked. We were bound for different schools when we graduated and had already agreed not to try the long distance thing.

Toward the beginning of the end of the school year, I got a phone call from a friend. He and I once had a relationship that was similar to the one with Sandi. John was coming back for Spring Break to catch up with friends and I was high on the list. He'd be here for almost two weeks. He had been my closest friend after I was outed by Gray. He was, however, deeply in the closet, although sexually voracious. He was bothered by the fact that I was attracted to girls. But, when I talked to him on the phone, he was clear that he wanted to see me in a way that went beyond a friendly visit. During the long call we caught up, and he sounded excited about the prospect of an intimate reunion. I began to think about Sandi's suggestion. I'd talk to John when I could do it in person, but I didn't hold out much hope.

John came over the day after he arrived in town. We had a long hug, and he kissed my cheek. My mom hugged him and welcomed him home. "Well, I know you two have catching up to do," she said with a wry smile. John blushed, and Mom laughed as she always did at his discomfort. We charged upstairs to my room, and as soon as the door closed behind us, John was all over me. I've been thoroughly sucked and fucked before, but this workout nearly killed me. I felt devoured. After we finished, we were on the bed, sweaty and breathing hard.

"Shit, John. Hello to you. That was . . . amazing. Haven't you been getting any?"

"Hell, no. My parents watch me like hawks. I go out with a couple of girls, but you remember how that went. Jeez, Robbie, I miss you so much; I miss this so much."

"You know, it's not going to get any easier if you don't come out. By the way, you still look very hot. You make my heart sing."

He blushed. "I can't. They'd kick my ass so far out I'd never get back. You, fucker, have it made. Your mom is so cool and no big bad father to worry about." He saw my change of expression, and realized how insensitive the last comment was. "Oh, man. Sorry about that, Rob. I know how hard your dad leaving was. Sometimes I get so pissed at my life."

"John, only you control that. You know you could stay with us if you needed to."

"Thanks, Rob, but I just can't see myself out there. You know I've always had a problem with believing I'm okay."

I kissed him, a nice soft kiss with a little tongue. "I just wish you could be as happy as you are are while we're together all the time. You're just fine, believe me."

"Thanks. You really do make me happy. You're the only one who really knows me."

"That's a shame. You're worth knowing." I was suddenly sad for John.

"You know, I'd be with you in a heartbeat, but I just can't get the girl thing."

Oh well, in for a penny, in for a pound. "You know, you might be surprised at how good it can be, if the girl gets you."

"Oh sure. Gee, honey, I love you, but I need to fuck around with boys, too."

"Well, I'd like to give it a try with you. I mean, the girl wouldn't have to do anything if you didn't want her to. She could just watch. If it turned her on, it would rev me up to make love to you."

"Sure, when you find a chick who is turned on by guys going to town on each other, let me know. I'll be there," he said, laughing.

So here I was, naked with John, in my room, moving out on another limb. "I know a girl who fits the bill, so don't promise what you can't deliver."

He was quiet for what seemed a long time. He was looking at the ceiling and I was looking at him. I put my hand on his pec and slid it down to his belly. "Well, it was just a thought."

He turned to me and frenched me. "If it would make you happy, and you can arrange it, I'm in. Who is this strange girl?"

When I recovered, I said, "You remember Sandra?"

"You're fucking with me, right. She's beautiful, but I never got a kinky vibe from her."

"Kinky? No, but she is the coolest woman I've ever known. I told her about my little complication after we started seeing each other, and she didn't run away. We have an understanding. I don't fuck around with guys unless we talk about it first."

"Well, you violated the shit out of that agreement today."

"No, not really," I replied sheepishly.

His eyes widened and he laughed. "So, you're pimping me out for her?"

"No, idiot. She's been worried about me getting frustrated, and she's curious. She thinks it would be hot for her. I'm not sure how much she'd be comfortable doing, but she wouldn't do anything that makes you uncomfortable. I mean, assuming you're okay with her watching."

"You could fall in pig shit and come out smelling sweet. What the hell, I'd like to make you happy."

"John, you make me happy. I don't want a pity voyeur-fuck from you."

"Ooh, I'll have to remember that one. Maybe I want to look a girl in the eye while you sit on my dick."

"Well now, that would suit me just fine. I don't think there's anyone else I would want to do this with. But, if anyone freaks, we stop."

"Thanks, caretaker. I think I'm grown up enough to bail if I need to."

"You weren't always, and I like caring for you. After Gray, you became a lifeline for me, lunkhead."

"Yeah, I'm sorry we moved away, but eventually I'll have to figure out how to find a guy who doesn't chase pussy."

"I hope you find what you want, John."

"So, set it up, AC/DC."

"Okay! Now I'd like to rehearse, please. I love Sandi, but she doesn't have all the equipment I crave. A finger just doesn't do the job, sometimes."

"Not when you're used to this spike!" he laughed.

After we finished round two and cleaned up, John stayed for dinner. Mom was there, and she caught up with John without prying too much. She knew how much John meant to me, and she was concerned about his situation. Before he left she told him, "Young man, you remember what I told you the first time we met."

"I will Elise, I promise." On the porch, we kissed, and he told me to let him know if I got something set up.

The next day, when I was talking to Sandi, she asked her usual "Anyone out there, yet?"

"As a matter of fact, yes." Dead silence. "Are you rethinking this?"

"No, I'm just surprised. It just shifted from a nice theoretical idea to impending reality. I haven't changed my mind. Do I know him?"

"Yeah. You remember John?"

"Your shitting me. I know you guys were friends, but I always thought he was super straight."

"No comment. Let's just say we were deeply connected, and he's willing. He said he'd like to look you in the eye while I sat on his dick."

She flushed a bit. "My, that would be something. You sure he wouldn't freak?"

"He says no."

"Um, where would we do this?"

"I think my room would be best. We all have been there and done that there."

"Oh, cute!"

"You have no idea how terrified and happy I am about this. Thank you."

"No problem, Robbie. You've been so good for me and to me. I read you like a book, you complicated, magnificent bastard."

"I thought you didn't like Patton."

"I like you. Let me know when." She kissed me as we went out by Mom, and walked to her car.

Mom looked at me when I came back in and said, "You both look like people who've made a monumental decision. Anything I'd want to know about?"

"I don't think so. Nobody's going off the deep end." But I knew that, in a way, three of us were.

"Okay, sweetie. I trust you and I trust both of them, too." Shit! How could she figure so much out? She obviously knew that John and I had sex quite a bit and that Sandi and I did. I guess the next step for me was also obvious.

"You're okay with me, right?"

"I told you that you'd have a complicated life. I can't change that for you." She walked over and hugged me. I almost cried.

Sandi remained steadfast, and we agreed to meet at my place on Saturday evening. Mom would be working a night shift at the ED and wouldn't be home until Sunday morning. I thought we could hang out together a little while and then see where it went. I still had this nagging feeling that the plan was going to blow up. I also kept trying to figure out if I was coercing the other two into doing something they really didn't want to. But, I finally came to the conclusion that I had checked in with them enough, and that the power differential among us wasn't out of whack. I wasn't taking advantage, even if I would probably enjoy this more than the others. For me it would be like drinking after a lifetime without water.

Saturday, about six, Sandi arrived, followed by John a few minutes later. We sat in the family room, where I tried to figure out how to manage the situation. Fortunately, while I was trying to figure it out, Sandi said to John, "Well this has to be the most unusual date I've been on. I think it must be a bit uncomfortable for you."

"Yeah. Usually sex at the end of my evenings isn't a given. The more I've thought about it, the more I think it will be hot. You know that I've been with girls, right? Sorry, when I'm with a girl, my mind is always somewhere else."

"That's okay. I won't get in your way. I'm already wet thinking about the two of you."

Looking at us both, John said, "Look, if you feel like it, feel free to join. I think our Robbie would like to be the meat in a sandwich, or maybe you can give him something to do with his mouth while I fuck him."

They were winding each other up. "Hey, you two. I'm right here. But, I don't object to that plan."

Sandi stood. "Let's go up. I want to see you guys make out for a while."

John and I stood and followed Sandi up the stairs. I was behind Sandi and looked fondly at her tight little ass as we walked up. Sandi was tall, but she was slender and tight everywhere. Her breasts were beautifully round, but not huge and her ass was muscled under the curves. She had a boyish figure, I guess. Go figure. When we got into my room, Sandi pulled my desk chair over to a corner after turning on my desk lamp. She sat and ordered me to turn the overhead light off. "All right, studs, pretend I'm not here."

John looked at her a moment, then turned to me, smiling. "Sometimes, paybacks are heaven." He reached out and we embraced. He turned us a bit so that Sandi could see both of us and then kissed the side of my neck just below the ear. I felt his tongue lick gently on the skin. I shivered and moaned. Opening my eyes, I saw Sandi riveted to our tangle. Her tongue tip was peeking from between her lips. John bit lightly and then licked his way up my jaw line to my mouth. Sweet and urgent is how I feel kisses with people I've made love to a lot, and that's what I felt now. I could feel John's hard-on against mine and one of his hands moved from the back of neck, across my back, and onto my ass where it squeezed gently. He broke the kiss and whispered, "I don't worry about anything when I'm with you."

We resumed kissing and I moved my hands from his shoulders to his waist. I pulled his T-shirt out and stripped it up his torso. Breaking the kiss to allow me to strip him of his shirt, he returned the gesture, and we resumed kissing while our bare chests touched. I could feel his hard nipples and I thought about the differences in his body and Sandi's. I couldn't find a way to do without either. I broke another prolonged kiss and leaned in to lick John's pecs and nipples. His body was, if anything, more spectacular than when I had last felt it. Maybe he was taking out his sexual frustrations on the weight machines. He had never been bulky, but he was extremely well defined, and now had even less body fat than before. He sighed as I licked his nipples and bit them lightly. We both enjoyed playing with any body part that could get erect. For him that included dicks and nipples; for me it was those plus clits. I moved down and mouthed the shape of his cock through his jeans while I unbuttoned them and slid them down. Some things never change, and, thankfully, John's going commando was one of them. His hard dick swung out, and I captured the head between my lips. He tried to seat it in my throat, but I held his hips and toyed with him. I cradled his plump balls and extended a finger toward his hole. "Enough!!" he said, pulling me to my feet.

"Strip." I did as he got his jeans and shoes off. When we were both naked, he asked, "Lube?"

I pulled a tube from the drawer on my nightstand. He rolled onto the bed on his back and held his dick perpendicular from the flat plane of his belly. I laughed and knelt on the bed. I spread the lube on him and then reached between my legs to get myself ready. I remembered what he wanted, so I pulled his body around by the legs so that he could see Sandi. I straddled his hips and said, "Look at her." Then I placed his boner and eased it in, finally sitting astride him, fully spitted.

I heard a gasp from Sandi. We looked to see that she had stripped except for her bikinis. She was stroking a nipple with one hand and pressing her clit with the other. Her eyes widened and locked with John's. I looked at John's face and saw some unspoken connection form between them; he wanted this. His dick seemed to bone up even more, and he began to lift his hips in an effort to fuck me. "My job, John."

I leaned forward to kiss him, straightened a bit and began to rise and fall on his pole. I knew he liked me to twist my hips slightly as I fucked myself on him. His head was still turned to look at her. "Play with his tits," she whispered.

He reached up and began to roll my nubs between fingers and thumbs. He hadn't forgotten exactly the pressure I needed. I picked up my pace a little. "You won't break them." He increased the pressure to just this side of discomfort. Shit, I liked to be on that edge.

After fucking john for a short while, I climbed off. He looked like a puppy I had kicked. I grabbed his arm, pulling up as I took his place on my back and lifted my legs. He smiled broadly and knee-walked to get between my legs. Before the main event, he took me into his mouth and went down on me to the root, staying there and massaging me with his throat. My eyes rolled back, and Sandi almost shouted, "You have got to teach me how to do that."

He came off me and pulled me by the hips until my ass was against his thighs. I threw my legs over his shoulders, and he gently eased into me and began long stroking me. I made a gesture with my head to invite Sandi. She raised her eyebrows and I nodded during a grunt when John bottomed out. She got up and stripped her panties off. She got on the bed, watching carefully for any objection from John. He was busy, but nodded to her. She straddled my head and lowered herself onto my face. Finally, a dick in me and a pussy over my mouth. Oh yeah, I'm definitely bi. She held herself slightly above my mouth so that I had to lift my head to lick from her asshole to her clit. I reached up to tweak her nipples as she liked, pulling her down slightly so I could work on her clit. Her orgasm was sudden and fierce. She'd never come that quickly when we were alone. Her clit gets sensitive after she comes, and she backed away. John looked full of admiration at her climax. He may never have seen a woman have an orgasm before. He gently pulled out of me and told me to fuck her.

Sandi said, "Oh, yes." She turned onto her back, inviting me to do the missionary thing. I leaned over her and frenched her deeply. Moaning into my mouth, she fed me into her pussy until I bottomed out. I felt John moving behind me and then his hands on my hips. I pulled part way out of Sandi and waited. John moved in, bit me lightly on the back of my neck and then found my hole with his dick, sliding in. When he hit my prostate, I humped forward into Sandi. I know how it goes in porn, but I can tell you that managing a sandwich isn't easy. We finally got to the point at which they remained still and I pistoned between them. But, occasionally John would slip out or I would slip out. Finally we got the hang of it, laughing with each other when we slipped.

Sandi began to chant to me, "Come on, Robbie. Squeeze him, unload in me." The only way she could come when I fucked her was if she had been eaten to orgasm before. So, she was on the way. I could tell that John couldn't hold out much longer, and neither could I. He came first with me shortly behind, and Sandi made it just as I was finishing. "Fuck me," I huffed. I was trying to hold John up as he draped across my back so that we didn't crush Sandi.

He finally rolled off his softening dick popping out along with a small river of cum. I rolled the other way, pulling out of Sandi. She looked at me lovingly and repeated a really bad joke we often shared. "So, do you smoke after sex?"

"I don't know, I've never looked." John tickled my side and groaned. Sandi got up, looking so good, and went to my bathroom. I asked John if he was okay. He said, "That was unbelievable. I could do that again, if I don't have to fuck her. I can see why you two are so good together. She got really turned on watching us. You can't fake that, and she was really considerate."

I smiled as Sandi walked back in with a couple of wash cloths. She used the soapy one to clean me up and then looked at John questioningly. He shrugged, and she washed him off carefully. "I haven't held a cut one in a while." She then cleaned the soap off us with the warm, wet cloth.

John replied, "His is fun, isn't it?"

"Oh, yeah. Robbie, you owe me something." I was puzzled until I remembered. I leaned over John and took him into my mouth. She leaned in close and watched as I began to suck him.

"I can tell you enjoy that." I started to pull off to agree, but she stopped me, saying, "Don't talk with your mouth full."

I went back to work, and when he was hard again, I looked her in the eyes as I deep throated him. She was all smiles, and said, "Damn. You guys should open a school."

You get good at what you enjoy. I let my finger get coated with my saliva as it dripped off his crotch and slid it home in his ass. His eyes closed, and after a few minutes, I said, "Let her sit on you." He started to reply, and I added, "Please."

He nodded, and I looked to Sandi. She thought a second, and then nodded. I held his spit-slick cock up, and she started to mount him. "Turn around." She suddenly got what I wanted, and with her back to him, she impaled herself. John grunted, but he didn't go soft. I never asked what he was thinking. For the next ten minutes, I licked her, I licked him, and I licked them. I softly held his balls in my mouth. When she rose, occasionally, I'd pop his cock out of her and, as she watched, I'd clean her juices from him. Then I fed him back into her. I knew she wouldn't want him to come in her, so eventually I just sucked a second orgasm out of him.

I felt so complete, and I knew that I was going to have to figure out how to manage a permanent relationship with someone who would let this happen. She cleaned us up again and we talked a little about our feelings about what we just did. We agreed that it was fun. John said he might be up for a repeat, but Sandi, ever honest, said she didn't think she would. She immediately let John know that it had nothing to do with him; she thought he was great and very hot. After a while we all got dressed and they were gone well before Mom got home. I tossed around in bed after I changed the linens.

What had I done? Why couldn't I just flip a coin? Why did I need everything? I was deeply sad, not because of what happened, which transported me, but because I despaired of ever finding a partner who would accommodate my little complication. If you read the end of the last chapter, you might have rightly concluded that I did, but then, I didn't think it was possible. John went home, and we talked regularly for a while, before losing touch. I don't think he ever found what he wanted. Sandi went off to school and we did stay connected. Before she married, she told her husband about us, and he was very cool about it. We visit with them once and a while. Bobby, as I said, hit the jackpot in college, and we see them a lot. As my mom had said, she couldn't save me from more heartache. But, I eventually found a partner who loved me, not in spite of, but because of my little complication. And back then, the old man was still there for me.