The story, Anxiety and Guilt, may contain descriptions of sexual encounters and contact between consenting adolescent and young adults. Although my stories are fiction, they are loosely based upon facts and life experiences that my friends and I have discussed and/or personally experienced. Many of the facts are drawn from my life experiences and the life experiences of others that I care deeply about; therefore, specific names, places, times, and dates have been altered to protect all innocent parties.

All rights are reserved. This story may not be distributed to any publications or posted on any site public or private without the express written permission from the author.

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Anxiety and Gilt: Lost and Found

The Foreword

By Robert the Red

The envelope in his hands was addressed to Robert Thompson, Jr. Robert excitedly tore open the envelope there was a beautiful Christmas card enclosed with the following message inside: "Dear Robby, My brother, Rich, and I plan to be in San Diego on Sunday, December 18, 2005. We would like to meet with you for a visit and to discuss certain matters. Here is my cell phone number [555 555-1234] please call me so that we may arrange a time, date, and place to meet during the week of December 18, 2005. Yours truly, Michael Millhouse." Robert immediately recognized the two names from his past. Mike was a few months younger and his brother Richard was a few months older than Robert. The boys had been the best of friends growing up in Roseville, California, over thirty years ago. Robert was jubilant at the thoughts of being reunited with his old friends after all those years apart, definitely an early Christmas gift.

The Millhouse and Thompson families had been next door neighbors in Roseville from 1963 to 1975 and during that time the three boys had grownup together more like brothers than neighbors; however, that all changed when the families moved during the summer of 1975, and the boys subsequently lost touch with each other. Robert didn't have a clue as to what had happened to his boyhood friends after the move, until recently. Robert discovered what he thought might be a good address for Richard Millhouse on the Internet. On a whim Robert had entered Richard's name into Yahoo People Search, and it came back with hit. Out of sixteen names there was only one Richard M. Millhouse and he was in Florida. So, he had sent that person a Christmas card a couple of days after Thanksgiving along with one of those newsy catch up letters. Robert was hopeful that the person to whom he had written was his long lost former best friend.

Robert secretly hoped that the person in Florida turned out to be his best friend from bygone years. Robert was at a crucial point in life when he could use the company from a former best bud, a confidant. Once in a while Robert would reflect upon the old days as a child growing up and wondered about his former friends, more so now than in earlier years. The three boys had shared so much during those elementary and middle school years while growing up in the All American city. There were twenty-one months difference in age between Richard and Mike, and Robert fell in between the two boys. Richard had been a grade ahead of Robert and Mike in school, but Richard and Robert had been closer in so many ways. All the boys had gone to the same schools, played on the same athletic teams, been in the same scout troop, but most of all they had all gone through those turbulent years of puberty together.

Puberty, those awkward years in boy's lives, from about the age of ten on, whereby boys begin to take on the physical characteristics of men. Not only does a boy's body go through physical changes, but his emotions change too. A boy's voice changes and so does how he views his peers. Boys are bombarded by intrusive thoughts about sex and are plagued with accompany erections, many times unwanted.

Robert remembered those days of puberty and the accompanying thought process. He definitely remembered the spontaneous erections from days gone by. Some of those memories and times were good and some not so good, but he had survived it all with most of his cognitive and emotional faculties intact. The three boys were pretty much inseparable during their youth; however, that would all change for them when the two families announced the relocation plans due to new jobs that each of their father's had taken in different states.

Spring and early summer 1975 was a torturous time for the three boys, especially Richard and Robert, after they learned that they would be separated and possibly never see each other again. Needless to say, the news of pending family moves had a devastating impact on the boys. They thought for sure that they all would continue to grow up together and go onto high school together. The boys tried to cram as much living as possible into the remaining weeks of spring and early days of summer before the moves. They spent as much of their waking hours possible playing and consoling each other. For Robert and Richard the move was going to be much more devastating for them than for Mikey.

Amid all the tearful goodbyes were promises made by the boys to stay in touch with each other, but as in most cases those promises faded fast. The Millhouse family was the first to move, relocating to Hawaii in mid June, and then the Thompson's moved to Tennessee the week after the fourth of July 1975. Although Robert tried to stay in contact by writing to his friends, he lost touch with them and never knew where they settled or went to high school. After Robert moved to Tennessee he would celebrate his fourteenth birthday, and go onto attend high school in the suburbs outside Memphis.

The move to Memphis provided many new opportunities for the awkward adolescent from California. Despite his ungainly ways, homely appearance, and the long red hair tied up in a pony tail Robert began to make new friends and was accepted into the social circles of the Memphis environment. He began to excel both academically and athletically at his new school. He began growing into a handsome young man; took on new interests, and extracurricular activities. However, nothing seemed to fill the void left by the separation from his old friend Richard. Robert spent many frustratingly lonely nights contemplating the separation anxiety he felt while laying in bed at his new home in Memphis whereby he would entertain lustful thoughts about his old friend, masturbating to completion.

Yes, there was a certain parts of Robert's new world that was empty leaving him unhappy and depressed, longing for the companionship of Richard. For some unexplainable reason Robert still secretly longed for that sexual championship that had developed between he and Richard, and felt that no one else would ever fill the emptiness he was feeling. Robert and Richard had explored every inch of each other's naked bodies and experimented sexually with each other from a time well before puberty, and later Mikey would join them in the sex play.

Robert would lie in bed night after night sexually aroused and haunted by old fantasies that revolved around Richard and Mikey. He was the typical horny male teen dealing with issues of adolescent puberty, especially sexual. Robert wondered if Richard had found a new special friend to help him fulfill his sexual fantasies and desires thereby relieving sexual tensions. Something he and Richard had done so many times while growing up, and it all seemed so natural.

Robert was fearful of trying to establish any type of new sexual relationship in his new surroundings for fear of being outed and humiliated in his new school. Eventually, however, he would find a new jerk off bud at the high school outside Memphis. A neighbor boy his age with whom he spent time at school eventually discovered each other's secrets by way of the school wrestling team. After discovering each others secret desires for deeper male companionship the two began secretly engaging in mutual jerk off sessions; however, this new bud and the sex sessions with him seemed pale in comparison to what he and Richard had shared.

Eventually Robert and his new best bud from the wrestling team would engage in some sixty-nine pleasuring sessions to get each other off, but that was the extent of things. Robert yearned for more. In Robert's junior year both boys broke off their secret sex society and began to occupy themselves with the company of girls and other activities. Robert also joined the Navy during his senior year in high school. Another extracurricular active that would dominate much of his liesure time, and then once he graduated from high school he was immediately off to active duty in the Navy.

After Robert's enlistment in the Navy was up he was discharged at the Naval Station in San Diego. Robert remained in the reserves, and San Diego area where he entered junior college under the GI bill the following fall. A year later with a 3.9 GPA he transferred as a full-time student to San Diego State University; it was while attending the university that he met and fell in love with a fellow classmate. After she graduated in spring of 1985 they married, moved to Chula Vista, and started a family. So, ten years after moving from Roseville and freshly married to his beautiful bride Robert's old Roseville friends were fleeting memories, but never totally forgotten.

On the surface Robert and his new bride appeared totally in love and committed to each other; however, Robert still secretly harbored mental images about those years growing up in Roseville. Some memories about his childhood he had shared with his family while others remained locked away, his secrets forever. Those remembrances that remained locked away fostered many of his sexual fantasies; beautiful images that lay in wait to be played out in his dreams or daydreams of late. Robert would secretly envision him and Richard as young teenagers engaging in sex sessions pleasuring one another. Lately those fantasies were becoming more frequent, invasive, and vivid. He would find himself becoming aroused more easily, frequently, and at odd times, much like what had happened to him as a kid sitting idly daydreaming about sex while sitting in class at the middle school in Roseville.

The memories of those youthful days were amusing now, but had not been so funny thirty some years prior. Robert remembered how he would many times be forced to hold his books in front of himself covering his crotch as he moved from one class to the next trying to conceal a raging hard on. Later on, dependent upon the type and texture of the trousers he wore wet spots of precum stains would become prominent. At times this situation would become very embarrassing for Robert. Sometimes he would have to get a hall pass to go to the restroom for relief and to clean up.

He remembered with more frequency how the three boys would help each other relieve themselves after school and other times. Robert was unsure what was happening or why these old memories were now recurring so frequently thirty years later. Maybe it was because he thought that he had found his former friend. One thing for sure, Robert knew that he was being driven by a curiosity to know what became of his old friends, especially Richard, and how they developed and what they became in life. Most of all he wanted to know if they too had recurring thoughts about those wonderful days of their youth.

To try and satisfy his inquisitive interests Robert had typed in the name Richard M. Millhouse into the Yahoo search engine while he was idly perusing the Internet one day and ran across a match. During that search session he also ran across what he thought might be an obituary for and Mike and Richard's Mother. After further online investigation and a couple of phone calls to an old Navy buddy who lived in Hawaii Robert discovered the ugly truth. Robert's friend from the Navy who was now an attorney quickly connected the dots, filled in the blank spaces, and confirmed the death of Mrs. Millhouse, the boy's mother.

Robert's attorney friend reported back to Robert that a year after the family moved to Hawaii the parent's divorced; a real nasty divorce, whereby the mother gained sole custody of the two boys and their younger sister. Robert guessed that may have been the reason he lost touch with his old friends. So, Robert had sent a card of condolence to the funeral home listed, and hoped that the card of condolence and Christmas card sent a few days prior might jog some old memories. He never received a reply from either; however, the letter in his hands announcing the pending arrival of Mike and Richard prompted Robert to believe that at least one of the communications reached the boys, and was hopeful it would rekindle some of those old memories.

Robert was excited about the idea of seeing his old friends once again, especially Richard. In a way he wished that his wife could be there to take part in the reunion, however in another way he was glad she was not around. You see, Robert's wife was deployed to Iraq with her National Guard unit and not expected back until sometime in February 2006. She had worked as a registered nurse at the trauma center in San Diego before being deployed now she was a surgical nurse serving with a California National Guard unit in Iraq. Robert made a mental note to e-mail his wife about locating his old friends and the pending reunion, and then picked up the phone to call Mikey.

As the phone began to ring Robert hoped to soon discover what the urgent meeting was all about. Mike answered and they exchanged greetings, but Mike was reluctant to discuss anything about the upcoming meeting on the phone. He told Robert that would all be revealed when they met later on. Robert did find out that the family had received his card of condolence, and Richard received the Christmas card earlier in the month. So, Robert dismissed further attempts to discover details about the meeting, and asked how and when they would arrive in San Diego.

Mike told him that they were flying into San Diego International Airport and gave Robert the flight number and arrival time. Robert asked if he could send a car or pick them up. Mike told Robert it would be nice to send a car for them, but they planned to rent a car later. Robert hung the phone up and called his friend who owned a limo service to setup a car and driver for Sunday, December 18, 2005. Once all was set for the arrival of his old friends Robert kicked back in his recliner and began to think about what might be so important regarding the secretively urgent meeting.

Robert wondered if he might have been named in the mother's will. She had always been very fond of Robert or Robby as he was known as a youngster growing up in suburbs of Roseville; in fact, their Mother would often refer to Robby as her middle male child because his age fell in between her two son's ages. Because Robert's mother worked outside the home he spent more time at the Millhouse home than he did at his own. Over the years the three boys became very close growing up. Robert replayed old memories and questioned why and what might be so important that the two old friends with whom he had lost contact years ago were flying into San Diego for a special meeting with him, but he was thankful for the reunion.

As Robert sat in his recliner in the family room of his home trying to digest all the news about his old friends his mind began to wonder about what the two boys, men now, looked like after all the years apart. They were thirteen and fourteen when they all parted ways in 1975. Robert continued to ponder and daydream about old times growing up as a kid in Roseville; numerous thoughts raced through his mind with powerful flashback to those youthful years. As he mused about the past there was that twinge of arousal in his groin; his dick was growing with unbridled enthusiasm as Robert rubbed the bulge developing in his crotch.

Robert had been daydreaming in his recliner for quite a while actively rubbing the large bulge that lurked between his legs. Robert was curious as to what the two boys had been up to over the years and how they had turned out in life, but he would be forced to wait for that answer for a few more days. In the meantime, Robert noticed a wet spot developing on the front of his tan trousers, much like the unwanted wet spots from his middle school days. He knew instinctively it was time to hit the shower so he could beat the fire breathing crotch dragon into submission before it was too late.

Robert stood under the warm spray from the shower with both hands around the neck of the redheaded crotch dragon trying his best to choke it into submission. Finally, the gargantuan red head on the sex serpent spewed forth potent eruptions of seminal fluid against the white shower surround, and washed down the drain. Robert had found sexual relief, for the time being at least. Robert now free from pent-up sexual pressure returned to the kitchen refreshed and ready to face the domestic challenges of preparing dinner. Later that evening after dinner finished and dishes were cleaned Robert called his parent's in Memphis to tell them about the reunion that was set for the next Sunday afternoon with the Millhouse boys. He also told his parent's about their mother's untimely passing. Robert's parents requested that after the boys got settled to have them call and say hello and fill them in on the past thirty years. Robert assured his parent's that he would comply. The final chore before turning in was to send an e-mail to his wife.

With all domestic duties finished for the evening Robert prepared for bed. Once inside his bedroom he made sure the door to the bedroom was locked and that there was a tube of lubricant and towel on the night table in preparation for a night battle with the red headed sex serpent that lie asleep between his legs. Even though he was sore from an earlier engagement with the crotch dragon Robert knew instinctively that before he awoke that he would do battle once again before dawn. The sexual fantasies would continue to play out in Robert's dreams for the next four nights until the Sunday meeting; youthful fantasies about the three boys growing up and growing into puberty. Throughout those fantasies Robert would engage the aroused sex serpent and do battle with it, and every morning thereafter a clean sheets were in order.

For the next four mornings as Robert prepared breakfast he found himself haunted by certain apprehensions and fears about the up coming meeting. He was a little uptight about what memories his friends might have about him now that they were adults. The angst of the unknown was becoming a burden. Robert was hopeful that there would be no feelings of blame, guilt, or remorse on the part of his former friends. The upcoming meeting would either be a total bust or one of the best Christmas presents ever for Robert; whatever the outcome it would all have to wait until Sunday, December 18, 2005.


The story you have just read is approximately a three thousand word foreword chapter introducing chapters to come. Let me know if you like what you have read and would like to see more of this storyline. Any comments on the story are welcome. Just direct your comments to Robert the Red, Subject: Anxiety and Guilt at: redcock28 "at"

Sorry for the "at" instead of @ in the e-mail address, but just tired of Spam.