The story, Anxiety and Guilt, may contain descriptions of sexual encounters and contact between consenting adolescent and young adults. Although my stories are fiction, they are loosely based upon facts and life experiences that my friends and I have discussed and/or experienced. Many of the facts are drawn from my personal life experiences and the life experiences of others that I care deeply about; therefore, the specific names, places, times, and dates have been altered to protect all innocent parties.
All rights are reserved. This story may not be distributed to any publications or posted on any site public or private without the express written permission from the author.
If you are not of legal age to read stories of this nature or you are offended by the subject matter contained herein do not read any further.
Anxiety and Gilt: Chapter 2: The Reunion
By Robert the Red
After four days of
anticipation and apprehension Sunday afternoon December 18th finally arrived. A
black Lincoln Town Car pulled up in front of Robert's home driven by Ricardo, a
driver whom Robert knew previously and who he would always request. Ricardo was
a strikingly handsome late thirty something guy from
Ricardo opened the door for
Robert and closed it behind him. Once all were safely seated in the limo
Ricardo headed west on
After the flight arrival was announced Robert and Ricardo walked towards the baggage carousel area to wait for the two brothers. Ricardo had quickly prepared an eight and half by eleven inch white sign with the name MILLHOUSE printed with black magic marker on it. A few minutes after the flight arrived Ricardo and Robert prominently positioned themselves at the baggage carousel area so that the arriving brothers would not miss them. Shortly thereafter two men appeared at the baggage carousel area and as they approached Ricardo the two men stuck out their hands announcing simultaneously, "I'm Richard and I'm Mike Millhouse," as they shook Ricardo's hand and then recognizing Robert moved to shake hands with him.
"Glad to meet you both, I'm Ricardo."
"Glad to see you guys," Robert replied a little emotional pumping hands with his old buddies. He attempted to hug his old friends; however, Mike pulled back not eager to accept any type of affectionate welcome in public.
Richard quietly whispered a thank you into Robert's ear for picking them up as the two hugged while they all waited for the luggage to pop up. Robert couldn't get over the changes in his two old friends. Rich was easy to identify out of the crowd, but Robert would have never been able to identify Mikey. Richard looked good, tanned and younger looking than his forty-four years. Richard had developed into a very handsome man since Robert last saw him. He appeared to be in good physical shape and it no longer appeared that he wore eyeglasses; instead Rich wore a very striking pair of designer wrap around sunglasses that were perched on top of his head. However, there was something strange about Mikey's appearance and behavior.
Mike appeared older than his
brother, looking weather-beaten and weary. His head was shaved and his exposed
body exhibited numerous body piercing and tattoos. Mikey appeared to have led a
hard life since the two had last seen each other, maybe working as a carney or
roadie Robert thought. Robert sensed from surface appearance he wasn't the same
Mikey that Robert knew as a kid. They all walked in awkward silence to the
awaiting limo. Once inside Robert tried to engage the brothers in some causal
conversation, but Mikey seemed very cold and unresponsive towards Robert.
Richard appeared to be detached, casually looking out the windows of the limo,
but that was not uncommon for Rich. The ride back south to the
Robert recalled that Richard had always been a loner and somewhat distant even when they were youngsters. Mikey was the more gregarious of the two; he had been kind of chubby yet exuberant child early in life, but as he entered puberty he became more settled, naturally athletic, and developed into a much better looking boy than his older brother. Puberty had not had the same positive influence on Robert and Richard that it had on Mikey. The only thing that puberty had done for those two was to make them horny as hell. When Robert and Richard were young they were both tall and skinny for their ages and a little on the homely side, just not really good looking boys as youngsters. Robert could never remember a time when girls where easily attracted to he or Richard as kids, but as Mikey developed into adolescence he gathered girls around him in middle school like bees to a honeycomb.
As Mikey develop into adolescences he had inherited his father's striking good looks; whereas, Robert and Richard were kind of a gawky and homely looking kids when they were younger. Robert didn't really blossom until the high school years, and from what he was seeing it looked as if the same were true for Rich. Robert and Richard seemed to connect and bond from the very first day they met as kids in the early seventies. Robert had bright red curly hair; whereas, Rich had dirty blond curly hair and wore eye glasses. So of course the two boys were the recipients of much malicious gossip and harassment from the other kids in the neighborhood and school. They were like two ugly ducklings set off to one side on a pond, so the bond between Richard and Robert grew stronger between them than Mikey. The entourage finally arrived at Robert's home and disembarked from the limo; Ricardo carried the bags up to the front porch. Robert gave Ricardo a forty dollar tip and signed the bill.
The three men enter Robert's house whereby Richard remarked about how nice and cozy the place appeared. "Sure looks as though you have done well for yourself, Robby," Richard stated as he casually looked around the house taking notice of the interior design and the family photographs that adorned the walls of foyer and living room. The only people who still referred to Robert as Robby were his wife and a few close family and friends; therefore, Robert felt comfortable allowing Rich to still address him as Robby.
"Thanks," Robert replied, "we try to keep the place clean and comfy."
"Wow, who is the sharp looking young Marine in that photograph, your son Robert?" Richard asked nodding towards the large photo of a Marine in dress blues hanging on the far wall as they all entered the living room.
"Yes, that's our oldest son
Zachary. That photo was taken after Zach finished his training just before his
unit shipped out to
"Good looking young man, Robby. He looks a lot like you," Richard said quietly noticing the ensuing emotional response. He was beginning to wish he had not asked and really wasn't sure he wanted to know the rest of the answer.
"Yes he was and had a promising future ahead of him."
Mikey who appeared oblivious
to the earlier past tense comment about Zachary asked, "Is he stationed here in
"No, Zachary was killed a
year ago in
"Robby, we're so very sorry to hear that. What a tragic loss," both men replied in unison.
Richard noticed an oil portrait of a beautiful woman on the opposite wall and asked, "Is that your wife, Robby?" Again, nodding towards the portrait.
"Yes,
"Damn Dude! That must be tough on you? I mean losing a son and then your wife goes off to a war zone." Richard said, "I mean, you know, losing your son is a terrible thing to cope with, but now you have the stress of worrying about your wife over there. No companionship or support during your time of bereavement, you must be a very lonely guy?"
"Yeah, a little, but not all that lonely. There are the two younger children at home that keep me active, so I just try to keep busy with them and their activities. Besides our martial relationship has been somewhat tenuous since Zachary's death," Robert replied, "Sharon and I probably needed some space and time apart. She kind of blames me for Zachary's death."
"That is so sad. Why would she blame you for your son's death, Robby?" Richard asked.
"She feels that because I joined the Navy in high school, and went active immediately after graduation, and then stayed in the Navy reserves, all of that, surely had a positive influence on Zachary's decision to become a Marine right out of high school. She desperately wanted him to go onto college, but he would counter with dad went into the Navy after high school. She told me after his death that he had been captivated by all the colorful stories about my time in the Navy as a Corpsman attached to the Fleet Marine Force. Personally, I think it was the damn political climate and the worldwide war on terror since 911 that enticed Zach to become a Marine," Robert replied.
"I think you're both probably right, but most mothers take the loss of their children more personally, especially a son. Let's hope she feels differently when she returns."
"I hope so," Robert said.
"So, where are the other two children?" Richard asked trying to redirect the conversation back to a more pleasant topic as the men continued touring the house heading into the family room.
"Lacy and Joshua are our two younger children," Robert stated as he stopped in the family room to point out different family photos as he kept on talking about them. "Lacy is seventeen and Josh is fifteen. Lacy is a senior in high school, and Josh is a sophomore. She plays on the girl's soccer and volley ball teams and is on the swim team. Josh is on the school swim team, football, and wrestling teams. Both are honor students. Josh is also an avid surfer, go-cart, and motocross racer; Josh pretty much followed in Zach's and my footsteps in those areas. So, of course, their mother tended to blame all the kids' bumps and bruises from adventuresome and high-spirited activities on me," Robert continued extolling the adventurous virtues of his children while pointing out different photos of the kids to his old friends.
"Where do you keep these model children hidden?" Rich asked.
"They are both at our Church and won't be home until later on tonight. They both are very active in their Christian Youth Fellowship program and are rehearsing for the yearly Christmas pageant. If you stick around you'll get to meet them later this evening," Robert replied.
As the three men entered the spacious kitchen Robert asked the two brothers if he could fix them something to drink whereby Mike quickly responded, "Two diet sodas if you have them. I no longer drink anything alcoholic."
As Robert retrieved two diet sodas and a beer for himself from the fridge he thought that there was something very strange about Mikey's statement. In fact, all of his behavior since they met had been strange; he just couldn't put his finger on it.
"Here ya go two non alcoholic diet sodas for you guys, but I'm going to enjoy a cold one if you don't mind," Robert said a little humorously.
"Thanks," Mike said accepting the two soft drinks and handing one off to his older brother. Richard didn't appear to be too impressed with the diet soda offered, but accepted it without any comment.
"Why don't we take our drinks out onto the back deck where we can make ourselves comfortable and catch up on old times?"
"Sounds good," Richard replied.
Robert's house was one of those show piece homes with a beautiful covered deck and wet bar in the rear. Of course, the living room was a virgin shrine to Zachary and never used. The family room, kitchen, and deck were the areas of the home where the family gathered to share time. Robert's wife had designed and decorated the house well. The men all made themselves comfortable as they settled in around the black wrought iron table with its glass top. Richard and Robert were setting across from each other with Mikey off to one side. Richard and Robert had been making what appeared to be lustful eye contact with each other when Richard remarked, "Robby, this is a beautiful home you have."
"Yeah, we bought the house
almost twenty years ago when the
"Yeah, property is gaining
value all over, especially in
"He should know. Rich is a real estate developer," Mike chimed in not wanting to be left out of the conversation, "plus an avid golfer."
Robert was beginning to sense that the reunion with his old friends might be starting to warm up a bit, so he made a suggestion, "In that case, Rich we'll have to go by the country club and play if you are going to be in town for a while."
"Thanks for the invite, but I didn't bring my clubs on this trip."
"That's no problem we'll take care of that at the pro shop," Robby said.
The three men continued to make small talk for a few moments all the while Robert sensed that his former best friend Rich was subtly flirting with him. As the two continued to make provocative eye contact Robert and Richard both were beginning to sport burgeoning boners that were not all that well hidden beneath the glass top of the table they were sitting around. Both men would casually readjust themselves trying to conceal their erections that were somewhat hidden in their pants. Robert needed to get his mind off the lustful thoughts he was having about his former best bud and redirect the conversation back towards why they were having the meeting saying, "So, what really brings you two to San Diego?"
"You," Mike immediately interjected tersely.
"Okay," Robert replied, "lay it out, what's on your mind, Mikey?"
"I'll try if you two will quit trying to seduce each other with your eyes," Mikey lashed out, "you are aware that our mother passed away recently, but did you know that our parent's divorced years ago?"
"Yes, I'm aware of all that."
"Rich and I just finished administering Mom's will, disposing of her property, and this meeting with you will hopefully put final closure to that portion of our lives," Mike stated.
"Okay," Robert replied.
"Are you aware of why our parent's divorced and how mother passed?" Mike queried.
"Not really, but I'm sure I'm about to find all that out."
"Simply put, Mother died of a
broken heart," Mike stated, "a broken heart brought about by you, your actions
and behaviors when we were kids growing up in
Robert, now becoming annoyed with the way the conversation was heading said, "Whoa, lower your voice and control yourself, Mike. Tell me just how the Hell I'm responsible for your parent's divorce and your mother's death."
Tears were starting to stream down Mike's cheeks as he continued babbling and blubbering on, "Mom simply grieved herself to death. She became heart-sick over the divorce and the way her children turned out."
"So very sorry to hear that," Robert said in a conciliatory tone.
"After the divorce alcohol and drugs were her comfort," Mike continued.
"Again, sorry to hear all that."
"You see, our father turned out to be gay, Richard adopted the gay lifestyle, our sister is a Lesbian, and me, I don't know who or what the fuck I am, Robby."
"Okay, and again how am I responsible for your mother's death and the way you all turned out?"
Mikey continued to blurt out his troubling story, "Mother caught Richie and me engaging in sex with each other one night about a year after she divorced dad. She couldn't believe her eyes when she came home and saw her two teenage sons openly engaging in anal sex in our living room. She went berserk ranting at us for hours and days thereafter. She'd start drinking and would yell at us every chance she got about how we were nothing but low life little perverts and incestuous little bastards. She'd get drunk and brow beat us about how we turned out just like our father. You see, she caught him having a sexual affair with his male lover about a year after we moved to Hawaii; in fact, she discovered at the divorce hearing that was the main reason he uprooted the family and moved us to Hawaii," Mikey continued tearfully.
"Wow, the acorn doesn't fall far from the oak tree," Robert muttered under his breath.
"So, after catching our father fucking his male lover in the shower of the master bedroom at our house, and then catching Richie and me having incestuous anal sex she became wrought with anxiety, guilt, and depression. Then the straw that broke the Camel's back was when Susan broke the news to mother over a year ago that she was a Lesbian and wanted mother to accept her lifestyle and openly accept her Lesbian lover into the family. That sent mother over the edge. She went on a drinking and drug binge that ended up with a complete mental breakdown. She remained in a locked facility until her death earlier this year," Mike continued his sorrowful story.
"Wow! I certainly don't know what to say," Robert was dumbfounded by the revelations unfolding, "I am so sorry to hear about all the tragedy that has befallen your family and once again I offer my sincere condolences to you both on your loss. But again, how is any of this my fault, Mikey?"
Thanks for the condolence, Robby," Richard said with a look on his face that indicated he wished he was any place but there with his brother.
"Sure sounds like you all took after your dad's side of the family," Robert quipped wryly.
"You bastard, you fucking bastard!" Mike yelled out to Robert after that droll comment, "you have no fucking compassion at all. You fucking asshole, you've never had any compassion for anyone. You narcissistic fuck, you always thought of yourself and no one else."
Trying to contain his outrage at Mikey's vile accusations directed at him, Robert said, "I doubt that. First of all I know who my parent's are, and as far as compassion, I think that I am a very caring and compassionate person."
"Mikey, Robby, please, let's not let our reunion degenerate into a vile name calling event. This was supposed to be a reunion of old friends and old times," Richard pleaded with his brother.
"What's up with him, Rich? And where is this all going?" Robby asked.
"I think Mikey needs to vent, Robby," Richard said in a tone and with a look of I'll tell you later.
Robert quickly picking up on Richard's silent message tried to calm his old friend down saying, "Mikey, what am I supposed to do or say about things that happened years ago; things that I have no control over now? We lost touch with each other thirty years ago this past summer and now you come to my home unloading a truck load of hate and bull shit on me and then expect me to accept the ultimate responsibility for your mother's untimely death and how your lives turned out? I don't think so."
"Robby, I just want you to know that I think all of my problems and how I turned out in life is your fault. You see, you're a pervert. You've been a sexual pervert since you were a kid and you molested me as a child. You are the one who infected me with the insidiously incurable disease called Homosexuality!"
"I molested you!" Robert shot back.
"Yes, you. You molested me and my brother when we were innocent children in grade school. You passed your contagious and deviant sexual behavior onto me over thirty years and I've never been able to heal from it. You were the one who introduced Richie and me to all the homosexual behavior and activities when we were kids. If you hadn't gotten us all involved in that secret sex club of yours, doing all that secret sexual stuff with each other at such an early age I might have turned out like you," Mike said tearfully.
"Like me! Molested you! Whoa! Back the fuck up! Mikey, who are you to come into my home and accuse me of molestation, and then imply that all your family problems, your lifestyle, your brother's lifestyle, and your sister's lifestyle are directly attributed to me?"
Robert looked over at Richard who was rolling his eyes back in his head as if to say silently, please Mikey just shut the fuck up. Robert was unsure of what to make of all Mike's accusations, and what Rich was really thinking about it all. Did Richard support his brother's twisted thinking or was he just letting his brother vent? Robert knew instinctively that he needed to quickly shut all the accusations down, and didn't plan to sit idly by taking the blame for all that he was being accused of by Mike.
"Robby you know if things had been different back when we were kids I might have turned out differently. I'm sure that I would have become a heterosexual family man with children and a nice home in the suburbs like you; instead I'm a recovering alcoholic, drug addict, and homosexual," Mike stated as the tears streamed down his cheeks.
Robert was totally dumbfounded by the revelations and didn't know how to respond to his old childhood friend, but he was going to try, "Mikey, I'm so sorry about your mother's death and the way your life has turned out, but that is such a load of crap you're trying to lay at my feet about me being totally responsible for it all. I have a pretty sharp memory and if memory serves me well it was Richard that first introduced me to all that sexual experimentation stuff back when we were kids, and then later on you eagerly joined us."
"No, you were the one that forcefully introduced me to all the homosexual behavior and activities when we were kids, Robby."
"Back up. Let's reboot the box, rewind the old internal data tape, and play it forward," Robert said more than a little annoyed with all of Mike's accusations.
The one thing that Robert had noticed was that Mike seemed to be doing most of the talking and making all the accusations since they sat down. Richard had assumed a more passive role, not saying much. Robert remembered very vividly how things all started. They all experimented equally back when they were kids growing up together. But for Robert it all dated back to summer of 1972 when Richard introduced him to the sex game. In fact, memories of the sexual encounters had haunted Robert for a few years afterwards, especially when he had started to date later on in high school, joined the Navy, and then when he met his wife. He had mixed feelings about some of the things the three of them had done early in life; however, after a class in Human Sexuality the professor had set all that straight. Robert discovered over the course of the semester that many other students, male and female, carried some type of anxiety and guilt about experimenting sexually, as many kids do growing up, whether it had been between same sex or opposite sex. Robert would learn after some private counseling sessions with the professor and a psychologist that his anxiety and quilt was largely unfounded.
Robert began explaining to Mike
how and when things happened as the three boys grew up in
Mike somewhat stunned and confused by Robert's diatribe turned to his older brother and ask in tears, "Is that true, is what Robby saying true, Rich?
Richard didn't reply, but Robert did, "I'm sure as Hell not making all this shit up, Mikey."
Mike continued looking towards his older brother with pleading eyes asking again, "Is it true? Rich, I'm so confused and scared; tell me that everything Robert just said is a lie."
"Can't do that Mikey."
"Why!"
"Because what Robert has said is pretty much the way things happened, Mikey. I've tried to explain it to you for the last few years, but you just seem to reject everything I'd say and you continue to blame Robby for all your unfounded insecurities. You've repressed all the early childhood memories, good or bad, about the three of us and the things we did with each other before we moved."
"I apologize to you Mikey if I am the bearer of bad news, but those are the cold hard facts, bro. Mikey, don't you remember any of the stuff we did together as kids?" Robby asked, "There was more than just the sex stuff we did as kids. We had great times doing so many things and engaging in so many wonderful youthful activities totally not related to sex."
"Some. You know, I remember the BMXing, scouts, little league. All of that mostly from photos in my albums. But my counselor over the past few years was the one who suggested that what you did to me up in the tree house was wrong; it was where you molested me, Robby."
"Mike, I didn't molest you and neither did Rich. Do you have any idea what the definition of molestation is? It sure as hell isn't what we did years ago."
"Yes, according to my counselor what you did to Richie and me when we were kids up in the tree house is childe molestation," Mike said tearfully.
"Mikey, let me remind you of exactly what took place up in the old tree house, and it sure as hell wasn't child molestation. Rich lured me into the game when he was a sixth grader and you and I were in the fifth grade, and then a year later you were brought into our game. We all were prepubescent kids when we willingly entered into the secret sect. I remember that you were quite aggressive about joining us, and more than eager to become a full blown member of our little club. Mikey, don't you remember, you caught Rich and me doin the sixty-nine thing with each other and you begged us to let you participate. Rich and I accepted you as a member of the club after that incident. Rich wanted the three of us to be together and do sexual stuff with each other and you jumped at the chance to join us and our activities in the tree house. I vividly remember the initiation; how awkward and clumsy it was that first time when you and I tried to sixty-nine each other, while Rich watched us and beat-off," Robert said to Mike looking into his red swollen eyes.
"I remember the tree house
and how we all used to play up there and sleep out over night in it, but I
don't remember all that stuff. I remember how awesome it was, being up so high.
We were able to overlook all the night lights of
"Exactly, we even had a pair of Boy Scout binoculars up in the tree house and I had one of those toy extendable toy telescopes that we used to spy on people. Don't you remember we would watch the neighbor lady a couple doors down? She would lie out by her pool in the nude sunning herself, and then she and her husband would swim nude sometimes at night," Robert said.
"Yeah, sometimes they would be fooling around having sex in or around the pool. He'd eat her pussy and she'd give him blow jobs while they were on the edge of the pool decking. In the meantime we all were hard and strokin our little weenies," Richard said with a laugh.
"Yeah, and she or her old man never discovered we were watching them," Robert said laughing, "I still get a hard on and get off once in a while thinking about those times."
"How can you two laugh about such sick stuff that affected my childhood and haunts me today?" Mikey countered.
"Mikey, get a fucking life; it was all kids stuff. You know it's not like we burglarized homes, or were serial killers. All we did was enjoy each others company. We pleasured each other's bodies, just innocent sexual experimentation with each other as kids. And that was and is all it will ever be, sexual experimentation. We weren't in love with each other or told each other that we loved each other much like boy friend and girl friend. For me it was all about learning the pleasures of sex and getting a nut once we were able to ejaculate," Robert said.
"It wasn't innocent Robby it was perverted, sinful, and wrong, what we did with each other! You make it sound as though Rich and I were little more than human cum dumpsters for your semen!" Mike shrieked.
"If anything was sinful or perverted it may well have been you and your brother secretly carrying on and having sexual relations with each other well into your adolescent years in front of your mother. Normally, we don't continue to engage in sex with our siblings as we age out, but what the three of us did as boys was not necessarily abnormal. Many young kids experiment sexually, and you'd be surprised at how many brothers and cousins learn about sex from an older cousin or brother. I feel this way as long as there was not a huge age difference between us and nothing was forced it was not child molestation and no one was hurt!" Robert stated emphatically.
"I was hurt. Maybe not hurt physically, but emotionally by it all," Mikey replied.
Rich finally had some input to the conversation, "Mikey, sexual play between friends of either gender is common during the preadolescent and early adolescent years."
"Now you are making excuses for Robby. I'm so confused. I'm not sure of anything anymore, Richard."
"Another thing Mikey, having dreams or fantasies about having sex between people of the same sex is not uncommon even into adulthood and doesn't necessarily make one a homosexual or lesbian; in fact, it's a fairly common thing that can continue well into and throughout the adult years. Early experiences or sexual experimentation should not be interpreted as proof of any long-term sexual identity, and remember, no one can change who you are sexually without your consent," Robert said.
"I'm just very confused right now. My counselor led me to believe that what we did as youngsters was sinful and perverted. He said that I needed to openly confront you as a starting point to repent for those sinful years of my youth. I've got a terrible migraine headache," Robby said, "I think I need to get to a hotel to lie down."
"Nonsense, I have a guest room. There are two beds that are already made up with fresh sheets and linen. You need to go lie down and let the migraine run its course," Richard said to Mikey.
The old friends stood and put their arms around Mikey and helped him through the house to the spare bedroom. Once inside Robert showed the two men where everything was located so they could freshen up and Mikey could get some rest. He told Richard to see that Mikey got settled in and then to return to the deck. Mikey and Richard thanked Robert for his hospitality and Robert departed leaving his two old friends behind. Robert knew that there was work ahead trying to get Mike's head on straight and his thinking straightened out.
Robert knew that the task ahead for him and Mike, if he was going to help his old friend and they were to come to grips with all the excess baggage Mike was carrying, was going to be a one hella big job. The one thing Robert knew for sure was that his old friend, Michael Millhouse, was carrying a shit load of anxiety and guilt.
Sorry for the "at" inconvenience, but tired of all the Spam.