Date: Wed, 01 Dec 1999 22:31:43 -0800
From: TB
Subject: Clearing The Confusion

I had reached my twenty fifth birthday and outwardly my life looked rosy.
I was living in Chicago with a freshly minted MBA, a fast track career,
nice apartment and clothes and was making new friends.  I should have been
happy but sexual confusion left me with a feeling that something was
missing in my life.

	I grown up in a conservative family and community where gay men
were stereotyped as prancing, effeminate queens who liked decorating their
homes and listening to Broadway musicals.  I had no outward affectations of
gayness and had no trouble getting dates with girls.  I did not consider
myself to be gay even though my masturbatory fantasies were largely ones in
which beautiful men screwed women and in which my attention was focused on
the man's nude sweating body fucking a woman into ecstatic oblivion.  If I
had to honestly describe my sexual orientation I would have to say
"Confused".

Sex did not live up to the hype but I assumed it was the lack of talent or
experience on the part of the girls I dated.  In high school and college I
moved through many relationships, none of which lasted long.  I mostly
avoided women who had the reputation of being loose and easy.  There was
less pressure to fuck them right away.  I was not much interested in sex
with women but I knew not having a girlfriend would lead my parents to
suspect I was gay.

Throughout high school I competed on the school swim team.  I won a few
championship medals and enjoyed the competition and self discipline
demanded of a swimmer but mostly I loved the male comradery.  The woman on
the team were great buddies.  I thought of them as sisters and liked going
out with them as friends.  Stories of these "dates" kept my mother happy
with dreams of planning my wedding.  The men were another story.  I loved
them all dearly, dreamt of them, but quietly feared that if they ever knew
of my sexual curiosity about them I would lose their friendship.  I
occasionally allowed dreams of bedding one of my team mates to rise to the
level of consciousness but in less lust crazed, more rational moments, I
would recognize that a good roll in the hay was not worth being permanently
ostracized by my teammates.

Away at college I continued to swim competitively.  I was becoming
increasingly aware of my sexual curiosity toward men.  As a swimmer I spent
several hours a day around nude or semi-nude men.  Dreams of the smooth,
perfectly developed bodies haunted my nights though I still did not think
of myself as gay.  Nobody on the team ever made a sexual advance toward me
and I was not daring enough to make one myself.  I, like most young men,
reveled in the liberation from the confines of my parent's house.  I made
new and different sorts of friends, one of whom I ended up in bed with in a
mutual session of oral sex.  The physical act was deeply satisfying but
neither of us had the maturity to handle what might come next and it caused
an unspoken, mutually acknowledged end to our friendship.

In graduate school I ran and competed in triathalons to hold onto the buff
physic that had developed from my years as a swimmer.  I spent a lot of
time in the gym where my workouts invariably ended in the steam room where
I discretely eyed the other nude men and on a couple of occasions engaged
in some mutual jack off sessions.  These experiences left me feeling a
little sleezy, like the overweight trolls who prowled the locker room
looking for jack off partners, but at the same time I liked the attention
my body commanded.  I was increasingly being forced to admit to myself my
lack of desire for women and my lust for men but could not identify with
the gay community.  When the confusion was to much to handle I could always
through myself into my studies.

Once settled in Chicago I made no effort to enter the city's large gay
community.  I knew I liked sex with men but did not identify with people
strictly on the basis of my sexual urges.  Moreover, although I could
appear personable enough I was inwardly quit shy.  I had no idea how to
approach a stranger, male or female, in a bar, strike up a conversation and
get the target into my bed.  It seemed my right hand was destined to
forever be my best friend until Jim changed my life.

I had been working with the company for a couple of weeks and was still
getting settled in when we were introduced.  I would be working closely
with Jim although he spent a lot of time on the road, meeting with
customers, selling the company's services.  After a long morning reviewing
business we decided to break for lunch in a nearby bar .  Jim and I
instantly bonded.  He, like me, had been a college swimmer.  We liked the
same sports, books and movies.  He was light and jovial up front but
inwardly he was a deep, thoughtful person.

I was immediately struck by his physical appearance.  Two years older than
me he was the masculine ideal.  The sort of guy you see pictured on the
front of Men's Health.  He had a classic broad shoulder, tight butt
swimmer's build.  His dark hair was perfectly styled.  His strong,
sculptured facial features commanded your gaze.  There was no secret about
the reason for his success in dealing with woman customers.  He looked
incredible.

As we talked we found we both missed our swim team days and retained a
strong desire to stay in shape.  Being new in town a queried Jim about good
swimming pools.  The one's I had seen so far were largely inhabited by
overweight sixty somethings in baggy trunks, more interested in dog
paddling than training.  Jim assured me that his health club pool was
large, clean, rarely crowded and the users were young, athletic, serious
swimmers.  He extended an invitation to be his guest at the club after work
the next day.  I had not swam much in the past several months and I was
filled with anticipation as I packed my gym bag that morning.

The health club was new, expensive and located near the office.  The
clientele seemed to consist largely of attractive, athletic twenty and
thirty somethings though even in this crowd Jim's physical beauty stood
out.  We entered the men's locker room where we choose adjacent lockers and
began to strip.

Jim hung his suit coat in the locker and then sat down to on the bench to
remove his shoes and socks.  Next he took off his tie and his shirt.  I
tried not to be obvious as I glanced at him, eager to satisfy my curiosity
about his body.  His torso was tanned and beautifully muscled.  His pecs
were covered with a light coat of hair which extended in a thin line down
his washboard abs.  He next took off his pants and hung them up.  With his
back to me and dropped his boxer shorts.

I could not see his cock but his ass was a dream. A light dusting of hair
came out of the crevice between his perfectly formed buns.  My heart rate
increased as he reached into his gym bag and pulled on a brief speedo.  I
had done the same and was ready to swim.

As he led me to the pool I glanced at our reflections in the locker room
mirrors.  We didn't make a bad pair.  I was well tanned and had lost none
of my swim team muscle tone.  Unlike Jim, my body was smooth.  My light
brown hair had been bleached blond by a summer in the sun.  Like Jim, my
token piece of clothing met the legal requirements without leaving much to
the imagination.  Both of us displayed large bulges in the fronts of out
suits.

	We took adjacent lanes and started our work out.  Side by side our
powerful bodies sliced though the water as we did sets of the crawl, breast
stroke and butterfly. After an hour Jim signaled a halt.  I was tired but
invigorated by the work out.  I followed Jim to the exit where we grabbed
towels from a stack by the door and dried our selves.  Tossing the towels
in a bin we returned to our lockers.  Jim opened his locker and tossed his
goggles inside.  Next he pulled off his suit, wrung out the water into a
floor drain and then flipped it into the locker and closed the
door. Assuming we were heading for the shower I did the same.

Jim looked at me and asked if I was in a hurry.  I had all evening. He had
an hour to kill before a date with a girlfriend and wanted to hit the steam
room.  I followed Jim through the locker room.  I could not help but
staring at his body.  He was deeply tanned except for the outline of a
brief suit.  The whiteness of his ass only enhanced its perfection.  He
passed a stack of towels but did not pick one up, instead entering the spa
area buck naked.

The spa area, which had a steam room, sauna , jacuzzi and showers was
filled with a couple dozen men.  All were reasonably attractive.  Not a
single one had a towel modestly drawn about his waist.  Full nudity was the
norm.  We entered the steam room and sat down on a bench.  I glanced
through the clouds of steam.  I could make out at least six mist shrouded
figures.

I stole a glance at Jim.  Steam and sweat were glistening on his skin.  In
the intense heat his large balls were hanging low.

His cock was long and thick and, I estimated, 8-1/2 inches when hard.  Mine,
at nine inches full, was longer but about the same thickness.  He sat
casually back against the wall with his legs apart and his attributes on
clear display.  As I looked through the clouds of steam it seemed that a
couple of the other men were stealing peaks at us.

After a few minutes Jim stood up and began stretching.  He put his hands up
against the wall and began pushing against it.

The hamstring stretch highlighted his perfect ass. He then dropped to the
floor and began doing push ups.  As I watched the muscles flex on his
beautiful, sweating back I felt dizzy with confused feelings.  My sexual
curiosity about him was strong but what if he knew and was turned off by
it.  Through the clouds of steam I saw one of the other men watching Jim
and trying to look casual as he held is hands over his erect cock.  My head
spun.  Coming in without a towel was a mistake but what could I do.  Nudity
was a de facto requirement in the spa area.  My cock was starting to
harden.  I tried every mental trick to distract myself from the gorgeous
flesh on display.  I could not get my cock completely flaccid but at least
it was not fully hard.  I was terrified that Jim would notice and I'd loose
my chance to win his friendship.

After fifty push ups Jim rose, panting lightly, and said "Let's cool off."
As we left the room I thought I saw him trade glances and a slight smile
with the stud with the hard on.  In the shower I turned the water to cold
and let the bracing stream pour over my body.  The water temperature was
heart stopping but at least it deflated my cock.  I hoped Jim had not
noticed my semi-aroused state.  Jim called "Sauna Time!" as he exited his
shower stall.

The sauna was empty when we entered.  The heat was even more intense than
the steam room.  I took a seat on the lower bench while Jim lay down on his
back on the upper bench on the opposite side of the chamber.  He folded his
hands behind his head and lay back.  We chatted about me getting a club
membership and his upcoming date.  Then Jim fell silent and closed his
eyes.  I closed my eyes for a couple of minutes and then looked up at Jim.
Sweat was streaming off his body and dripping on to the lower bench.  His
chest rose and fell lightly with his gentle breathing.  His cock, oh God!
His cock was starting to thicken and rise.  What was he thinking about?
The woman he would almost certainly fuck tonight?  The man in the steam
room?  What could I do?  I considered fleeing back to the cold shower but
longed to see if my new friend's cock would become fully hard.  At least
the heat in the sauna was so intense that I could not have gotten an
erection even if I wanted to.

Just then I heard the door open and the man from the steam room entered.
Jim looked up, smiled at the man and said "How's it going?"  He sat up and
moved to the lower bench while the new arrival sat on the sweat drenched
upper bench.  Jim and he exchanged a few words about work outs.  From their
conversation it seemed that the man was a regular in the club and he and
Jim were vaguely acquainted with one another.  So that was it.  Jim had
nodded at man while leaving the steam room because he was friendly.  There
was nothing sexual about it.  Jim's cock was now flaccid.

Jim announced he had to go and left the sauna.  We both took long showers
and dressed.  Then, while Jim left to meet his lady friend I spoke to the
club sales rep about a membership.  That night, alone in bed, I replayed
the whole locker rook scene as I whacked my torpedo.  Cum sprayed all over
my face as I ejaculated to visions of Jim's naked sweating body.

The next day Jim left town for a three month assignment at our Honolulu
office.  I worked like a fiend, ran and swam almost everyday and made a
half determined effort to meet some guys through personal adds in the local
alternative paper.  My dates were pleasant enough but they never went
beyond an initial meeting over a cup of coffee.  My nights were spent alone
whanking off to fantasies of Jim.

On the first day after the New Year holiday my boss announced that I was to
accompany Jim to a two day meeting with an important client in Boston.  I
could not have been more thrilled.  A successful meeting with the customer
would be an important stripe on my sleeve.  Plus, two days alone with the
man of my dreams.  I couldn't have been more happy.  We were scheduled to
fly out on Tuesday morning, meet with the client, spend the night in
Boston, more meetings on Wednesday and then fly home that evening.

We arrived at mid-morning under a steel gray sky.  We rushed to the
client's office and spent the whole day giving product presentations and
talking deals.  The first day went splendidly.  Both of us hit it off great
with Chet, our client contact.  We were all into triathalons so Chet
invited us to his club for a swim before we headed off to dinner.  Neither
Jim or I had brought swim gear with us but Chet said he had extra in his
locker.

The club was located in the Back Bay and reeked of old money.  The members
seemed to fall into two categories: people who looked like friends of
George Bush and people who were friends of George Bush.  In the changing
room Chet opened his locker and tossed some goggles to Jim and I and
started to remove his clothes.  "Suits?" I asked. "The club is men only.
You swim nude."  I smiled inwardly.  I loved the freedom of swimming naked
and what better way to do it than with two attractive companions.

Chet's wedding ring and children's photos on his desk declared him off
limits but he was still easy on the eye.  More lightly built than Jim or I
he had more of what you would call a runner's body.  He was lean and well
toned with a full rug on his torso.  The swimming pool was a beautiful old
tiled thing though disappointingly the only other men in it were old and
flabby.  At least I had Jim's and Chet's cocks to look at while I did my
laps.

We swam for about an hour.  I had grabbed a lane between Chet and Jim so it
would be easier to steal glances at them under the water.  The wonderful
freedom of swimming without a suit and the gorgeous hunks of male flesh
were making my cock semi-stiff.  I stopped at the end of the lane after a
brutal set of the fly.  Jim swam up and stood to reach for a kick board.
The board was several feet from the edge of the pool and he had to rise
well out of the water to get it.  A he stretched for the boad I could not
help but notice his cock seemed to be slightly engorged.  I shuddered to
think of him next to me.  So close and yet so far.  It took every cock
softening mental trick in the book to keep me down as we finished our swim,
steamed and showered.

Work went well the next day but as I glanced out the office windows I could
see a blizzard building.  At 5:00 Jim and I said our good byes and grabbed
a cab to Logan Airport for our 6:30 flight.  We barely reached to airport
in time and ran to the gate only to find all flights had been cancelled.
While I stood in an interminable line to get us booked on something
tomorrow Jim went to a phone to locate a hotel room.  After nearly two
hours in line I got us scheduled on a flight back to Chicago the next
afternoon and went to find Jim.  He announced that due to the storm and big
conventions in town he couldn't get two rooms.  We would have to share.

We managed to catch a cab to the hotel downtown.  As we had worked through
lunch we were both ravenous and decided to eat before going upstairs.  The
hotel restaurant was closed but the bar was still open and served
sandwiches.  We sat there for a couple of hours drinking pitchers of beer,
gloating over our success and generally talking shit.  With a good buzz
going we grabbed our bags and headed up to the room.

Inside, Jim hung his over coat in the closet and then removed his suit coat
and hung that up.  Next, he opened his suitcase and pulled out a shaving
kit and set it on the sink.  Then he sat on one of the beds and removed his
shoes, socks and then his neck tie.

Jim said "11:30.  Time to get into our jammies and get some sleep."
"Jammies" I responded.  "I hope I don't' scare you. I don't wear pajamas."

"You won't scare me.  Actually you have a nice body and I'm not getting
into pajamas either.  I haven't slept in clothes since I was 15.  If you
don't need the bathroom I'm going to get into the shower."

I assented and tried to act casual as I watched him strip off his clothes
and walk nude into the bathroom.  The months in Honolulu had rejuvenated
his tan and he was fucking beautiful.  I watched his hot tight ass wiggle
has he headed into the bathroom, half closing the door behind him.

As he showered I undressed partially, leaving my pants on.  After a long
time he came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waste.  I
pulled off my pants and briefs and headed into the bathroom.  I stood under
the shower for a long time enthralled with the idea of sharing a room with
this gorgeous stud.

I wrapped a towel around my waist and walked back into the room.  Jim had
turned off all the lights but the one between the beds.  I was pleased he
had not put on his underwear for sleeping but was still in his towel.
Jim's eyes were transfixed on the television.  I heard the sound of low
groans and moans of pleasure.  Jim was watching one of the cheesy soft core
porn movies on the hotel video system.

"Ah, some quality entertainment." I remarked, trying to sound manly.
"Actually its pretty boring.  Want to watch?"

"No.  I'd rather get some sleep" .  Jim clicked off the television and walked
into the bathroom.  I heard him get rid of some beer.  He walked back in to
the room sans towel.  I was sitting on my bed still covered in a towel.
The site of Jim brought my cock to a semi-hard state.

He sat down on his bed with his legs on the floor facing me.  "Pretty
swanky club Chet has."  He remarked.

"Yea.  Great pool." I replied.

"Yes.  I wish we had some place in Chicago where a man could swim without
one of those ridiculous suits" said Jim.

"Three most useless pieces of clothing ever invented.  Neck ties, pajamas
and swim suits.  Back when my father was on the college swim team they
always trained in the buff.  Of course it's better when all the guys are as
good looking as Chet"

I was a little surprised at this statement.  "Most guys don't want to
admit another guy is good looking."

"Well, I'm not most guys" he said.  "Call me what you want.  I'm not afraid
to say I find some other men attractive.  I think in a way we are all a
little bi-sexual, or at least would try it once if they had the chance."

My cock was fully hard by this point.  "Have you ever done it with a guy?"

Jim remained completely casual.

"Yes.  I've done a guy or two.  I've always been pretty bisexual. How about
you?"

I gulped.  "Yeah once or twice.  Be right back.  Time to get rid of some
beer."

I stood up and walked to the bathroom.  I had been sitting in a position
where he could not see my erect cock.  Now there was no hiding it.  The
towel was nicely tented as I walked across the bathroom.  I removed my
towel and stood over the toilet, forcing my cock down and got my urine
stream going.  I concentrated on relaxing.  If anything is going to happen
it was now or never.  I dried off the last drops of piss and hung the towel
on the rack and headed back trying to act casual but making no effort to
hid my nine inch glory.

Jim was sitting with on his bed with his back against the wall, his feet on
the bed, his legs apart and a boner on full display.

He looked at me as I walked toward my bed.  He reached out with an arm and
touched me gently.  I looked at him.  Like a sleep walker I stood over him.
He gently brushed my cock with his hand and then reached up to me with open
arms.  I knelt down and embraced him.  He pulled me down on top of him and
started to kiss me.  His tongue invaded my mouth and then mine his.  His
rough beard scratched against my face as he kissed me all over my mouth,
neck and ears.

This is what I had waited so long for?  It felt to good, so right, so
natural.  His hands were stroking my body as if it were his own.  He knew
where to touch me.  First he cupped my buns in his hands and then started
to stroke the small of my back.  I began to lick and kiss down his chest.
I licked around his defined pecks and then moved to his nipples.  He sighed
with pleasure as I sucked on them.  He rolled me over so he was on top and
then started work his way down my torso.  He licked my nipples lightly and
then continued toward my cock.  He licked my balls and cock without
hesitation.  The sensations were phenomenal.  He did not take my cock in
his mouth but kissed and licked it.  He knew just where to lick.  I was in
heaven.  My breathing became heavy.  I was ready to blow when Jim sat up.

I reached out to him but he moved away. "Relax" he said.  "We have all
night" and moved off to lie next to me holding my hand.  He started
commenting on the merits of the men's bodies and how much he enjoyed
touching and being touched by another man.  My hardon was not subsiding but
the eagerness to cum was passing.  I reached over and began to stroke his
cock.  His eyes closed.  Then, I bent down and took the head into my mouth.
I almost gagged on it but my lust overcame the instinctive reflex.  I
started to lick the head of his cock and tried to force my tongue into the
piss slit.  Jim had done this to me before in my fantasies.  His breathing
quickened and then without warning he reached down with his hands and
gently pushed my head off him.

"I want you inside me" he said.  I stared at him uncomprehendingly.  I
couldn't believe I heard what he said.  "I want you to fuck me" he said
again.  I gently ruffled he hair.  "We'd better grease up.  You're pretty
big."

He stood up and walked over to his shaving kit on the sink.  He reached in
and pulled out a tube of vaseline and walked back to the bed.  His huge
cock was standing almost straight up.  It was wet with my spit and his
precum.  His eyes were glazed with lust.

I lay on my back watching him, not sure what he was going to do.  He sat
down next to me and kissed me deeply.  Then he said "I've never had anyone
as big as you.  We have to start slow."  He opened the tube of jelly. He
squeezed some on my cock and slowly stroked it around.  The sensations of
his touch blocked out everything else.  Then he lay on his back next to me.
He handed me the vaseline raised his legs in the air.  I moved to kneel
between his legs.  I started to run grease around his butthole.  "Get some
in me" he said gently.  I inserted one then two then three greasy fingers
in him.  Our breathing was heavy with anticipation of what was about to
happen.  My cock was twitching, so stiff it was painful.  As I finger
fucked him he moaned with pleasure.  I stopped moving, leaving my fingers
in him.  We looked at each other.  It was time.

He lifted his legs high and wide. I pulled out my hand and I lined my
throbbing rod up against his love tube.  I started to push in.  It was hard
to get in but I was too insane with desire to stop.  I pushed and pushed.
My cock began to open the sphincter muscle.  He grimaced in pain.  I held
back.  His breathing was labored.  I pushed a little more and paused.
Jim's hands clutched the sheets.  I pushed again, this time with force.
Jim cried out in pain as I passed the muscle.  "Stop" he begged.

I was glad to.  The sensation of being in his ass was overwhelming.  My
cock was in the hottest tightest space it had ever been in.  No woman's
pussy could match this sensation.  If I made any movement I was going to
cum and I wanted this to last forever.

We lay connected but not moving for several minutes.  Jim's eyes were
closed, his face in a grimace.  Sweat was breaking out on our bodies.  I
slowly began to push gently further into him.  Jim began to nibble on my
ears.  I turned his face to mine and we traded rough man kisses as his
hands worked roughly down my back and began to caress my ass, crawling up
my back to stroke my hair and then down.  He pulled my checks apart and
started to put to fingers into my anal canal.  I thrust forward roughly.
He yelped.

I started to move in and out slowly at first but once I started I could not
stop.  There was to much friction.  I had never experienced sex like this.
I was excited beyond belief but I always had good control over my orgasms.
I propped myself up over Jim and kept thrusting as he started grunting.  He
moaned out "Fuck! This is great!"  I looked down at his cock.  His huge
beefsteak was rock hard.  As engorged as it could get, it was dark purple
and precum was dripping out of it and pooling on his stomach.

The site of this drove me insane.  I frantically kissed and bit all over
his neck and ears while he pawed my head and back.  I bent lower and bit
one of his nipples hard.  He screamed in pain but grabbed my ass and
started trying to pull me deeper into him.  I started thrusting harder and
moved to the other nipple, almost chewing it off.  I reared up, looking
down on him.  His eyes were crazed.  Blood was coming off his nipples.  His
cock was pulsing in time with his wildly racing heart.  Sweat poured from
my body and dripped down into the streams that were flowing off Jim.  He
moved his legs from around my waist up onto my shoulders.  I started to
thrust faster and deeper into him. As I'd pull almost all the way out he'd
stick his fingers into my butthole.  I grabbed his cock with my greasy
hand, gripping it firmly and stroking slowly.

Our cries and groans were building.  I pounded madly.  We were two athletes
crazed with lust, insanely seeking release.

This was not love making. It was raw sex, incredible man on man fucking.
Only two strong, athletic bodies were capable of what we were doing.  If I
had tried to do a woman as I was doing Jim it would have killed her.  Jim's
sphincter muscle tightened on my cock with all the force he could muster.
He began to babble hysterically and then scream.  His body thrashed wildly.
I couldn't have pulled my cock out of him had I wanted to.  His grip was
too tight When I had thought about anal sex I had envisioned the bottom as
being in a passive role, giving top pleasure while getting nothing in
return.  The realization that Jim was experiencing as much pleasure as me
was as exciting as the intense stimulation my cock was getting.

 I thrust with all the force I could muster.  The pressure at the base of
my cock was overwhelming.  I began to shake.  I was about to go.  I felt
Jim's asshole pulse madly.  He screamed at the top of his lungs.  His face
was clenched in an indescribable grimace.

Torrents of cum came flying out of this cock.  That was it.  I threw my
head back and howled as wave after wave of intense sensation moved from my
cock up my back and down my legs.  I thought my brain was going to be blown
out my dick.  Then my vision went blank and my muscles collapsed.  I fell
down on top of Jim.

Slowly as I became able to focus again I became aware of Jim sobbing
quietly.  "Are you all right?" I softly gasped, still out of breath.  "I
never believed my body could produce such sensation."  he whispered weakly.
I slowly rose up and looked around.

The lamp had been knocked on the floor and we had not noticed.  The
mattress was half off the bed and the sheets where lumped up and soaking
wet with our sweat.  Most amazingly, Jim's cum was everywhere.  Streaks
slowly dripped down the wall.  More cum covered the sheets.  Our hair,
faces and chests were streaked with his jism.  I must have gushed out has
much as him.

Slowly I eased my softening dick out of his intestine.  Jim couldn't move.
I helped him stand and walk to the shower.  I put him under the water and
got in with him, helping him stand until he had regained his strength.
Then, we soaped and washed each other's bodies, kissing deeply.  It was
clear he had no regrets.  We toweled each other dry and got into the clean
bed, falling asleep in each other's arms, dreaming of what was ahead for
us.