Chapter 13

Sampson shows up at the room in an hour. He walks into the room, walks right past T-Boy and goes over at me. He gives me a hug. It's the tightest hug that he's ever given me before. I hate the fact that I get emotional when he does it. I hate the fact that I allow him to hold me. I allow him to take care of me.

The only thing that makes me break off from Sampson is when I turn to my right and I see T-Boy looking at us. T-Boy clearly feels some type of way with Sampson hugging me in the way that Sampson is hugging me. He clearly is uncomfortable with this.

I push Sampson off a little bit.

He takes a step back and just looks at me.

“Are you OK?”

I start nodding but before I can fully answer T-Boy interrupts, “He's fine.”

Sampson doesn't hesitate to turn back to T-Boy. He looks pissed. I mean T-Boy and Sampson fought all the time but when Sampson got mad---Oh Brother! He got superhuman strength. I think right now was one of those times. Sampson literally grabs T-Boy clean off the floor and slams him into the wall next of the hotel room.

He holds T-Boy there and restrains him.

“I called you a million times!” Sampson tells T-Boy.

“No shit. I thought you were jealous,” T-Boy replies.

“Hell has RISEN outside of this hotel room and you're telling me that you didn't answer your fucking phone because you thought I was jealous?” Sampson asks him.

I can't help but to interrupt Sampson. I grab him and attempt to get him off of T-Boy.

“It's not his fault. I chose to stay here...”

Sampson is still pissed but he manages to peel himself off of T-Boy. It's easy to play the blame game right about now.

Sampson looks over at me. Then he looks at the bedroom stand. That's when he sees the lube sitting there. T-Boy didn't even put it away. There is this sense of awkwardness that fills the room. The room fucking smells like sex. T-Boy and I have been having a lot of sex. We'd been fucking literally 5 times a day for the entire week. Maybe that's why we hadn't watched tv until today. Maybe that's why we had no idea what was going on.

I just wanted to get my mind off of the fire.

“It seems like you've been keeping busy,” Sampson tells me before making his way to the bed. He's about to sit on the bed but then stops, “I shouldn't sit on these should I?”


He looks at me when he asks the question. It's so fucking awkward right now.

“No...”

I know that I'm admitting to something and explaining myself to a man who is still legally married. I know that I shouldn't be bothered to care what Sampson thinks. That isn't the case though. Right now it feels horrible that I'm hurting Sampson. He doesn't snap. He just looks at me with this look of disappointment. He shakes his head at me.

“How could you?” Sampson asks me.

He looks hurt. I know the feeling but for some reason fucking T-Boy isn't making me feel any better about what Sampson did to hurt me in the past.

“He could do it very easily,” T-Boy says coming to my defense out of no where, “It was just a matter of time big bro.”

“A matter of time?” Sampson asks him, “Don't you mean a matter of guys? I'm glad you feel like the MAN now that you added Syn back into your rotation.”

“Rotation?”

“Yeah. Rotation.”

T-Boy backs off and laughs, “I'm sorry I can't be like you, Pastor Sampson. But Syn is far from someone in my 'rotation' or whatever you want to call it.”

“Man fuck you. Fuck BOTH of you. I don't even know why I came here,” Sampson tells me.

His language definitely aren't following that of a pastor right now. Sampson is so mad that veins are popping out of his forehead. He is emotional. I feel like shit. Usually shit like this doesn't get to me but I know that I'm hurting Sampson. Isn't this what I wanted though. Shouldn't I have wanted Sampson to feel how I felt when he hurt me. Shouldn't I have wanted Sampson to be in pain like I was.

“Where are you going?” I ask Sampson.

“Away from you.”


“Sampson please. I need you,” I tell him.

Sampson stops. He is breathing heavy. He is breathing really heavy. He balls his fists up at that moment. He breaths silently for a minute. He has his eyes closed when he turns back around and stays in the room. The fact that he is fighting off his emotions at this moment means the most to me. There is something else more important to him then his emotions. That thing that is more important to him is me.

Sampson opens his eyes. Slowly.

“We need to get you out of town,” Sampson tells me.

“Why?” T-Boy asks.

“Because he's wanted,” Sampson states, “The night Wade burnt down that venue, a series of events happened. It was one after the other. It was just like dominoes. It's almost as though Wade planned all of those things.”

“Wade? That little boy next door kid who follows you around?” T-Boy asks me.

“He's not that boy next door anymore,” I reply.

I remember the person I saw on the television. I remember the Syn tattoo on Wade's forehead and on the foreheads of all the other people in this crazy ass cult. These people were fucking crazy as fuck. They were using my name like it was a trademark for their bullshit too.

Sampson nods in agreement. I can tell he's still in his emotion but he has a look of motivation on his face. It's clear he might have seen some things that T-Boy and I couldn't even imagine.

“There is a warrant out for your arrest just based off of Edwin Reading's word. It didn't matter it was fair or not. Reading is the mayor now and his brother died in that fire.”

“Figured that much,” I ask.

“Is that it?” T-Boy asks, “You're acting like that's an every day thing.”

I shrug.

“What you want me to do? Start crying? Shout and scream about how I am getting set up on both sides? The world is fucked up. But I knew that already,” I tell him.

Maybe it's not the right way to look at it. I'm not sure. I'm not sure about much in my thinking nowadays. I mean shit. If I could create Wade then maybe I wasn't exactly the person people should be following after all. Maybe I should have just shut my mouth and not said anything.

“The dominoes only started the day of the fire,” Sampson explains, “After the fire Wade came out and stated online that you set that fire. That's when people started pouring into town. They have been fans of yours. They came talking like you, with your name tattooed on their foreheads and armed.”

“Jesus.”

“That's who they think you are. They swear you're the second coming,” Sampson explains to me.

T-Boy shakes his head.

“Yeah. It's time to leave.”

“I parked my car outside,” Sampson explains, “We can take my truck straight out of town. But...I have to go get my kids.”


T-Boy and I look at one another.

“What?” I ask.

Sampson shakes his head, “Syn, it's not safe in town. I can't leave my kids here. If I leave I have to go take them with me. Your followers---I mean, the cult---has taken over hospitals. This entire city is a warzone. They have declared war.”

“On who?” T-Boy asks.

“Everyone.”


I shake my head. Fuck.

“Sampson. I understand. We have to leave, but honestly...those kids...they aren't yours. They are Wesley's kids.”


“I raised them,” Sampson explains, “They are my kids...”


Sampson wasn't taking no for an answer. I look at his face. It's clear that he's serious about this. He was going to get his kids and honestly I am not in the mood to argue about this.

I nod in agreement.

Chaos doesn't really explain what is happening in the streets. The entire city of Briarswood has been set on fire. The active flames are starting in the local pharmacy, the grocery store and even the goddam elementary school. God knows if anyone was actually hurt in any of this. As we drive through the streets I see the burnt down buildings. The buildings that haven't been burnt down were broken in and looted.

Where in my sermons did I tell people to loot?


I shake my head not understanding this. I see the followers as I hide out in the back of Sampson's truck. They are running around like fucking madmen. There are sirens. There is this loud siren that keeps buzzing in my ear. It doesn't stop.

This shit is beyond serious.

“We're almost there,” Sampson tells me.

I can see him looking at me through his rear view mirror. T-Boy is in the passenger seat. There is still this tension between everyone and it is only getting worse. By the time we pull up to Sampson's house, it almost feels like there is going to be nothing to cut between this. I shake my head at that moment. I don't know how to get through this. I don't know how to make this better with Sampson. He found out that I slept with T-Boy and things just seem awkward.

It wasn't like I hadn't slept with T-Boy before. When we were younger we used to have sex all the time. This is different though for whatever reason. We were adults now. It meant more now. I don't know if I regret sleeping with T-Boy but I regret Sampson finding out about it. I regret hurting him.

We pull up to the house and Sampson looks over at me. He doesn't even acknowledge T-Boy.

“I'll be back.”

I nod.

“Ok.”

It's silence in the car as I watch Sampson go into his house. My eyes are stuck on him like glue. I keep watching his broad shoulders. I keep watching the determination in his step. He is such a strong looking man. It's hard to imagine anyone like that succumbing to cancer. It's hard to imagine him not winning that battle.

Even thinking about Sampson's cancer scares the fuck out of me.

“You're doing it again,” T-Boy tells me.

“Doing what?” I ask.

“You're chasing him,” T-Boy recognizes shaking his head, “You can't even help yourself. After all the time we spent together, the moment you see Sampson you're eyes get all big and dreamy like. You turn into a little bitch.”


I roll my eyes and stare at the back of the seat, “Shut the fuck up. I'm not chasing anyone. My legs don't work that way. I don't got strong calves like you.”

“Hmph,” is T-Boy's response.

He gets quiet again. It gets so quiet that I can hear arguing in Sampson's house. Things are being thrown around. It's clear there is an argument going on. I can't help myself.

I jump out of the car at that moment and head towards Sampson's house. T-Boy doesn't even try to stop me. He just sighs. It's almost like he knows that I'm going to go running into Sampson's house the moment that I get the opportunity. I don't miss that opportunity either. There is no way in hell that I'm going to miss it.

I open the door and see Sampson ducking dishes being thrown at him.

It's Dahlia.

“You never cared about me!” Dahlia says, “It was always FUCKING HIM! IT WAS ALWAYS HIM!”


“I'm glad we agree on something,” I walk in the kitchen, “What's for dinner?”

Dahlia glares at me hard. She picks up a glass bowl.

“Dahlia, you can throw things at me all day,” Sampson states, “But you know I'm not going to let you attack Syn. You know that...don't you.”


She wasn't an idiot. Dahlia knew very well Sampson wasn't going to let someone attack his Syn. Dahlia seemed very well aware of it. I watch as she puts down her bowl. She is steaming still. She gets even more mad when I take a seat at her kitchen table and cross my legs. This is some entertaining shit. There was no way I was going to miss this.

Sampson gives me a hard look, “Sampson can you please give me some time to talk to Dahlia?”

Before I can answer Dahlia steps in, “Why? He should hear. He should hear about everything.”

Sampson sighs.

“Dahlia. I never lied to you.”


“No. You didn't. You told me the day that I met you that you were in love with someone else. You told me that you were in love with a man,” Dahlia explains.

Interesting. Dahlia was a really pretty girl. Why would she settle for a man who let her know that he was in love with another man the day that they met?

“Those feelings never went away,” Sampson told her.

“WHY NOT!” Dahlia asks tearing up, “I gave you something that he could never give you. I gave a family.”

“Actually---those aren't his kids...” I add in.

“Syn...” Sampson states.

Dahlia stands there looking stupid for awhile trying to recalculate her argument. I rest my hand on my chin and watch her. You can almost see those little gears tinkering away as she struggles to find a way to be the victim in this situation.

Finally she seems to find an argument, “Well I gave you piece of mind. Look what he's done to this city? Have you seen the news.”


“Actually---you helped this situation out by lying about seeing me start that fire,” I stated, “You wanted to make me a symbol and you got your symbol. You actually helped start this chaos going on.”

Dahlia struggles.

She looks at me. She looks at Sampson.

“Well...um...well,” she says before seeming to run out of ways to play a victim. She finally just breaks down on the ground, “FUCK YOU!”


She starts crying all crazy and ugly. It's the ugliest crying she ever does. Sampson is such a nice guy. I see him walk forward. I have no doubt that he is ready to console her because he sees a woman cry. It's just a Sampson thing to do.

I'm not having it though. I stick my foot out blocking him.

“Don't even think about it,” I tell him.

Sampson knows better than to cross the almighty leg stretch. He just stands there. He looks like he really feels bad for her. He's such a bleeding heart. The bitch deserved ever tear she shed. She had it coming. A part of me thinks this entire town had it coming. Sure Wade was wrong about certain things bout how mad can I be that this city was going straight to hell. These people planned on framing me for godsakes.

I didn't feel bad for these people. The good people are the people who had molotov cocktails in their hands.

This city is what happened when you pushed good people too far.

“Please Dahlia. Come with us,” Sampson explains, “I know those aren't my kids. I know that we are going to go through this divorce, but at least let me get them safe.”

“Why are you being so nice to me?” Dahlia asks him.

“I forgive you.”

I roll my eyes, “Bitch he's not doing it for you. He's doing it for the kids. You going to keep crying or you going to take him up on his offer. We don't have all fucking day...”

Dahlia has no arguments. She just looks dumb.

That's when I hear steps though.

“The kids aren't going anywhere,” a voice says.

It's Ms. Nicole. She was upstairs. She comes walking down with the two kids by her side. I guess she must have been babysitting or something.

“You do realize those are not your real grandkids right?” I ask Ms. Nicole.

“These kids are better off dying in flames then with you...SATAN,” Nicole states looking at me.

I guess I was Satan now. I shrug.

“Well. Suit yourself. We done here Sampson?” I ask.

Sampson walks past me to Nicole, “I love him Mom. What part of that don't you get? Ever since I was a kid. I've loved Syn. You know that. My whole life you've been trying to stop this from happening but it's going to happen. I'm going to stop fighting it. He is literally the only one that I ever loved. He is the only one that I ever will love.”

“He is KILLING you. His sinning is the reason you have cancer,” Ms. Nicole states.

“I'd rather be dead then without him,” Sampson states.

“Sampson. Be reasonable. He's the devil.”

“Then I'd rather be in hell then be without him,” Sampson says.

You wouldn't think the most romantic thing Sampson has ever said was that he'd rather be in hell then be without me. It works though. I'm staring at Sampson stand up to Ms. Nicole after all these years and I'm blown away by it. My heart is racing. My palms are sweating. I'm trying to figure him out but I can't. Here is a pastor telling me that he'd rather go to hell then live without me. All his life he'd been torn between good and evil. He was good and I was evil. All his life he'd been given decisions. He'd been given opportunities but somehow he always chose me.

Somehow it always came back to me.

I didn't get it. He amused me. He enthralled me. He confused me. I'm staring at this boy like he has a million heads.

And I'm in love with each one of those heads.

Ms. Nicole doesn't even look at Sampson anymore. She turns to me. Her eyes set on me. She holds Dahlia's two kids close to her. She's such a stubborn old bitch. I can hear her even praying underneath her throat.

Halfway through her prayer she opens her eyes and says to me, “Congratulations Satan. You've won my won. But you won't get these children.”


She is saying this as if I want the fucking bastards in the first place. I roll my eyes.


Sampson looks over at Ms. Nicole, “I'm not leaving here without these kids Mom.”

“Maybe we need to go,” Dahlia interrupts out of no where, “The cult is taking over the town. People are going missing. They are burning down everything. They are looting. We aren't safe...”

Ms. Nicole shakes her head.

“These kids will turn into FAGGOT, sociopathic sinners if you let them leave with Syn,” Ms. Nicole tells Dahlia, “They'll get AIDS. All faggots do. They will get cancer too. The cancer will eat away at them slowly. Is that what you want for your kids Dahlia? You want them to die slow?”

I can't help but to break in laughter. I mean the little girl literally pisses herself hearing Ms. Nicole talking. I thought I was one with the dramatic flair.

“How can you say that in front of kids?” Sampson scolds her.

“Because it's true,” Ms. Nicole states.

“I don't have AIDS and my cancer isn't because of Syn,” Sampson tells Ms. Nicole, “You keep calling Syn crazy but Mom...you sound like you're losing it...”

Ms. Nicole did sound bat shit crazy. I am the only one hollering and hooting in this kitchen. The rest of them don't find it funny but I find it hilarious. This woman was having a mental breakdown. She really was.

I can't take it anymore though. I look over at Dahlia.

“Does this bitch realize that if Sampson isn't the father she has no legal right to them?” I ask Dahlia, “Dahlia grow some balls. If you want to come then come.”


“I want to go...” Dahlia tells Nicole.

“No...” Ms. Nicole said and then raises her cellphone, “I called the cops...”


“MOM!” Sampson says, “How could you?”


“There on their way now,” Ms. Nicole announces with this solid pride.

Sampson looks over at me, then he looks at Dahlia's kids. It seems hard for him to decide.

“Go,” Dahlia says, “We'll find another way out of town. JUST GO!”


Dahlia seems to be more supportive of Sampson then really me. I don't need to hear another word though and luckily once I start taking off Sampson is close behind.

We get to the front porch and realize that it's too late. It's way too late. T-Boy is kneeling on the ground with his hands behind his head. There are three cop cares with several police officers on Sampson's lawn.

One points the gun right at my head.

“Get down on the ground!”

“The jigs up,” I tell Sampson.

Sampson looks over at me. We both get down low on the ground but then something weird happens. Just then when I'm giving up and realizing that my life as I know it is basically over I feel Sampson reach over and hold my hand. And I don't feel alone.

“I love you,” Sampson tells me, “I live for you Syn and because I live for you I know that I'll fight for you. And if I have to die while fighting then I'll die for you. And if I go to hell when I die then I'll go to hell for you. You are my sin, but at the same time...you're my redemption.”

His fingers tighten and I know deep inside, Sampson will never let me go again.

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