Dealing with loss – part 3
This story is about gay relationships and (at times in the future) gay sex. If you're not into reading that kind of thing, not old enough to do so, or it is illegal for you to do so in your region, please do not read any further.
This story is a complete work of fiction. The majority of places mentioned exist in real life. All characters are fictional and any correlation to anyone in real life is purely coincidental. All products and services that are copyrighted or trademarked belong to their respective owners.
The author does not intend to suggest or imply anything about any person, place, product, service or company that exists in the real world as well as the fictional one. Although popular technologies and other products are mentioned, a generalized term has been used in place where possible.
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"This, this, this is not, this is impossible," Dave gasped, looking at Dan in bed. The bed was shaking – as were the walls and the floor – but Dan was shaking even more. He was trying to wake up from a torturous nightmare but couldn't.
Dave had seen this scene once before and had been prepared for it then. Sam had told him what to do if it eventually happened when he was around, and it had. Dan's body started glowing bright red and a second later so did the whole room.
He was prepared last time and didn't want to go through it again.
He knew he had less than fifteen seconds and was thankful he was no longer in a state of shock. He was in a state of survival and the adrenaline was pumping through his veins. He quickly turned round and shut the door, knowing that it wouldn't be any help, and ran towards the master bedroom Sam was sleeping in.
On the left, between the room him and Sam used to share, and the room Sam was sleeping in was another room. He ran into it closing the door behind him and sat down on the sofa inside, turning on the table lamp as he did so.
A quarter of the master bedroom had been given way to this room whilst Jason still lived here. It had two-feet thick walls on all sides and the floor was reinforced. It was comfortably furnished and had everything that might ever be needed in a natural disaster for one or two people.
He'd been told many times that this room was the safest place in the house and this was going to be the second time he was thankful it had been created.
Dave sat there listening to the screaming and the house vibrating knowing it wasn't going to be long before it sounded like the world was crashing over his head.
And then it came, the massive explosion he had been waiting for. He sat there for another thirty seconds waiting for the house to stop moving and then got up walking back into Dan's room.
Dan was lying in bed crying. The room was colder than it had been because the windows had been forced out of their frames and shattered on Dan's car.
Dave got into bed with Dan and put his arms around him, telling him it was just a bad dream and that he's safe now.
Dan looked to the door and struggled for breath. "Please close the door Davey, I don't want Sam to see me like this."
Dave looked at the door-frame and then back at Dan. "Danny, I can't. The door won't close."
"Why not? Is it broke? Can't you just close it a little?"
"The door isn't there Danny." Dave hoped Dan was going to be able to cope with this.
"It was when I went to sleep. If it's not there then what happened?"
"It was blown off it's hinges and is probably lying on top of my bed. Similar thing happened to the windows."
Dan looked up behind him noticing the windows were blown out. He sat up a bit and looked in the room opposite noticing the door was where Dave said it was. "Oh God! Dave you could have been killed. What the fuck happened?"
Dave decided against telling him everything. He chose last night to let Sam tell Dan when he felt it was time, and what would be said when it was. "Don't worry about me. I was in the safest place in the house which could probably survive a nuclear winter. Can I go and check on Sam?"
"Please don't leave me. I'm still scared. That dream was so real."
"What was it about?" Dave asked, believing he knew the answer.
"I don't know. I can't remember. I'm never able to remember anything except how really, really, really bad I feel in it."
"It was just a nightmare. I'd better check Sam is OK with all the shit that happened while you two were asleep."
Dan looked at the window behind him again and nodded, letting Dave leave the room.
Dave walked down the hall seeing Sam curled up in a ball in the king-size bed sobbing. He avoided the shattered door on the floor and knocked on the door-frame to Sam's room. "Can I come in? This is pretty fucked up you know."
Sam looked up, giving Dave an icy stare. "We're not having this fucking argument again David."
Dave sat down beside Sam and looked him in the eyes. "And we're not going to Samuel. I shouldn't have reacted the way I did and I'm truly sorry for the things I said."
Dave paused looking at Sam again seeing the anger leaving his eyes. "But I think you and Daniel have a lot to talk about this morning."
Sam sat up and looked down the hallway. "Shit. I don't know what to say to him. Is he alright? Fuck! Was it as bad as last time? Were you in the safe-room?"
"Yeah I was in the safe-room. It's a good job you designed it the way you did too. I'd say the damage was at least twice as bad as last time. And I think Dan will react in a much better way than I did. I'm going to take him downstairs. You could probably do with a wash first. You OK?"
Sam had stopped sobbing now and regained his composure. "Yeah, I think so. It's been a while since I've not been able to control myself and wake up from it. Thanks for looking after Dan. I'll be down in a bit."
Dave and Dan were chatting quietly on the sofa when Sam came in and fell into the other sofa.
Dave looked at Sam and started speaking. "Transco are already outside checking for gas leaks. The neighbors thought it was another gas explosion so we've been told not to use any electrical appliances. I've called your glacier and he should be here around lunchtime. Your handyman should be here to replace the doors this afternoon and your electrician should be here sometime later to check the wiring to make sure everything is sound. Did you need the plumber to check for any water leaks?"
Sam grinned at Dave. "You're so organized. Guess there are some advantages to you shuffling paper all day. No, I don't think we'll need the plumber. I was only upstairs for about ten minutes and you've already sorted all this out? Damn."
"You were saying Dan?" Dave asked.
"Are you sure Sam's alright and won't freak out or anything? I mean it was only a bad dream, right?"
"What have you told him David?" Sam asked, with a serious tone.
"Nothing Samuel. I was just telling him that you can have pretty bad dreams too. Danny, isn't there a single date you can remember off the top of your head when you had one of these dreams?"
"No, not really. Although thinking about it I guess there was a pretty bad one almost as intense as last night the evening before you left for the States. I just wish I could remember them and maybe I could work out what they mean. Do you think I should see a shrink Dave?" Dan turned his gaze to Sam. "Sam, how do you deal with yours?"
"I guess I just try and get on with my day and eventually they aren't at the front of my mind anymore. Think of two numbers."
Sam needed to know if this was going to work and he damn well was going to find out. "I said think of two numbers. Any numbers. The first two that come to your mind."
"OK," Dan replied. "Eighty-five and –"
"– I said think of them, not say them out loud," Sam interrupted. "Anyway. Ninety-seven."
"How did you know? You psychic or something?"
"Let's just say I know why you thought of those numbers, and it has something to do with your dreams."
"But I can never remember any of my dreams. And what do you mean you know?"
"I'll tell you in a minute Danny. Right now just relax, I need to talk with David in the dining room."
Dan looked at the two former-boyfriends, picking up on the different names they call each other.
Dave and Sam when they're chatting casually. Davey and Sammy when they're trying to calm each other down. David and Samuel when they want to talk seriously about something.
Apparently a similar naming convention is being used for him. At least I've picked up on it, Dan thought, as he started thinking through everything that had happened in the last day.
Sam followed Dave into the dining room and Dave closed the door behind him. They both sat at opposite ends of the dining table.
"First things first," Dave started, handing Sam one of the glasses of Pepsi Max he'd just poured, "You two have a lot more in common than I believed could be possible."
"I know. I don't think I understand it myself. How could he be having the same dreams as me?"
"As far as I know, last night was the first time he reacted the way he did at the end of it. From what he's said this morning, that's how I'm reading it."
"What do you mean? Reacted how?"
"I guess that wash didn't wake you up fully. As I said earlier, there was at least twice as much damage done as last time. And two rooms need new doors and windows, not one."
"Oh well, better get this over with," Sam yelled.
Dave stopped Sam from leaving the room. "I know what you want to do. I'd recommend you think it through before you do. There will be suspicion if there's another explosion."
Sam sighed and looked straight into Dave's eyes. "Davey, there will not be another explosion. I'll just start at the beginning. Hopefully that will be enough to expose it."
Sam returned to the living room and sat next to Dan on the sofa. Dave returned with the bottle of Pepsi Max and three glasses and sat in the arm chair filling the glasses and placing them on the coffee table.
"Daniel, how long have you been having these dreams?" Sam asked.
"I don't know. It's been a few years. Why?"
"If I could help you remember them would you want me to? It might be painful and emotional but once you remember them you will fully understand what they are about."
"How in the hell can you help me remember?"
"Do you trust me? I'll explain it all afterwards."
"Yeah I trust you. What are you going to do?"
"Just lie back with your head in my lap and try to relax."
Dan did as Sam said, looking into his eyes.
"Now close your eyes but DON'T fall asleep."
Again Dan did as he was told.
"OK, this may feel kinda weird," Sam stated, placing the index and middle finger of each hand on Dan's temples.
Dan started to moan and Sam told him to relax and trust him fully.
"Where are you?"
"I don't know. It's dark everywhere."
Sam massaged Dan's temples.
After a couple of minutes an image started to come into focus. "I think I'm –"
"– at the gym. You are behind the desk as if you are the receptionist. Is that where you are?"
"Yep. That's where I am."
Dave sipped his drink as he watched on. He looked straight at Sam, Sam looking over seeing him shaking his head 'no'.
"OK. I'm still going to be with you, but for the next few minutes I won't say anything. You will become overrun with emotions but I'm still with you. You are in your recurring dream now but you are still awake. Whatever you do, don't fall asleep. When you feel fear, hate, guilt, loss, or anger, remember that Sam is still with you and think of the color blue. When you're ready to move forwards nod your head."
After a few moments Dan nodded and Sam looked at Dave waiting for a response.
Dave took another sip and put his glass back on the table, nodding also.
Dan started to slowly progress through Sam's nightmare.
Sam was able to feel the emotions, but he cut himself off from the dream Dan was reliving. After a couple of minutes the sofa they were on started to vibrate and Dan's body started to pulse a glowing red.
Dave grabbed a nearby bottle of vodka and downed a couple of shots. He knew Sam was sure of what he was doing, but was still extremely nervous about it.
He kept watching the two on the sofa opposite. He then saw Sam's hands start to emit a bright blue light and Sam's body responded by pulsing red and blue alternately.
Seeing this Dave relaxed a little knowing he wasn't in a room that was about to explode. Dave poured some vodka in the other two glasses of pop and waited.
Ten minutes later the red and blue pulses were getting brighter.
Sam started to speak again. "You are reaching the end of the dream. Concentrate on the color blue. When the dream is over you can open your eyes again. Dave has made us a glass of vodka and coke each."
After another minute the blue pulses stopped and the room went bright red.
Fuck, Dave thought to himself. He didn't have time to make it up the stairs to the safe-room before the room exploded. Downing a few more shots of vodka he waited for death to come to him.
After ten seconds the room turned to a bright violet and finally bright blue. If this lasts much longer I know I'll either die from a heart attack or become an alcoholic, Dave thought, drinking neat from the bottle.
After another six minutes the blue light started to dissipate and Dan opened his eyes, Sam removing his fingers from Dan's temples. Sitting up, Dan grabbed one of the glasses of the table and downed it in one.
He looked Sam in the eyes and heard Sam's voice in his head, Do you understand the meaning of the dream now?
Dan looked shocked and Dave watched knowingly but not expecting what was about to happen.
Speaking quietly, Dan asked "Yes, but how did you just do that?"
Sam smiled as he passed his thoughts to Dan's head. You don't need to talk. You can just project your thoughts to me. Concentrate and believe that your thoughts are entering my head through the space between my eyes.
Dan concentrated and followed Sam's advice. How the fuck am I supposed to do that? he thought.
Exactly like you just did. Do you need another drink?
Yeah I do.
Sam looked towards Dave and passed a message of thought to him. Pour Dan another one please mate.
Sure thing, Dave responded through thought. He poured another vodka and coke and placed it in front of Dan.
Dan looked up and heard Dave's voice in his head.
There's more vodka in this one, just try and relax and stop shaking. Try not to down it in one this time.
Dan couldn't deal with this anymore. He looked at both of them and said, "This is too damn strange. What the hell is going on here?"
Sam and Dave exchanged glances but nothing was said – or thought – between them.
"Dan. Do you understand how the mind works? How much of the human brain is never used? How scientists will only ever be able to theorize what the dormant segments of the mind are for, and, what they could be capable of if they were active?" Sam asked him.
"Well sure. Not that I've ever put much thought into it. But everyone's thought about it at least once I guess," Dan said.
"Those parts can be activated with time, determination, belief, and patience," Dave stated. "What we just did was one of the things the mind is capable of. Passing messages between others."
Sam looked at Dan with determination, Dan returning the look. "Do you remember and understand what your dream was about now?"
Dan looked down at his hands – held together in his lap as a form of protection – whilst trying to hold back his tears. "Yes. Yes I do. Can I ask you something Sam?"
He regained his composure and looked at Sam's face again. Sam nodded, Dan continued. "Were you able to see what my dream was? Were you capable of seeing my dream whilst you were massaging my temples?"
Dave looked at Sam worried. He had hoped Sam hadn't done that. Dave knew he was able to, which was why he'd voiced his concerns earlier.
Had they both gone through that dream at the same time Sam wouldn't have controlled his emotions and more than the furniture in the room would have been damaged. He heard Sam's response, "Yes. Yes I'm able to do that." That's not what he wanted to hear.
"Then you shouldn't have helped me understand that dream Sammy. God. All those thoughts and feelings, there wasn't anything you would have been able to do even if you were there."
Dan saw the guilt again in Sam's eyes, a look of failure. Why hadn't he been more emotional? When he opened his eyes how come Sam wasn't crying, or angry, or even grieving? Dave said he still hadn't gotten over Jason. Sam's reaction the other day when Dan picked up that guitar showed that.
"Sam. Nothing you could have done could have helped Jason." Sam's eyes were holding back tears now. Decision time, do I carry on? "Sammy, you knew what dream I'd had anyway, didn't you?"
Sam sighed. "Yes. Yes I did. I've studied and learned a lot about the mind and knew the dream you had was of me reliving that day yet again. I don't understand how or why you've been having them too."
Sam saw that Dave still looked worried and decided to finally iron out this situation, and to reveal some more. "As I said, I knew what the dream was and I was capable of seeing what you saw when you were remembering it. After my chat with Dave in the dining room I decided I wouldn't be able to control my emotions and chose to cut off the thoughts you were transmitting – in a way I cut off the down-link of thoughts and kept the up-link of emotions.
"I didn't want a repeat of what happened last night. Thankfully everyone thought it was just a gas explosion." Sam got up and opened the curtains, looking outside at the morning dawn and the engineers walking back and forth.
Sam sighed and thought to himself I could have done something. I could have been there for Jase.
Dave saw the change in Sam's mood. "What's wrong Sammy mate?" he asked with concern in his voice.
"He blames himself for not being there for Jason so he wasn't alone when he died. He blames himself more for not having the chance to have tried helping him," Dan said quietly to Dave.
Dave looked at Dan with a puzzling look.
Sam spun round and looked straight at Dan, astonishment showing in his expression.
"Daniel. What do you mean that's what Sam thinks? Is that how he felt in the dream?" Dave asked.
"No. Well, I guess I might have at one point," Sam began. "You know I'm capable of a lot of things and quite a few of them I've never told you about."
"So what are you saying? You could have helped Jason? How?"
Sam looked at his feet. He didn't want to have this discussion.
"I know how," Dan said, "but I say won't say if Sam isn't ready for you to know."
Dave was shocked but not as shocked as Sam was at this point. "What the fuck? How do you know?" Sam screeched, seeing that Dan did indeed know. Sam had an idea how Dan knew, but didn't see how it was possible. "And more to the point, how did you bloody read my thoughts just now?"
Dave watched on, seeing the anger rise in both of his friends, knowing a heated exchange was going to happen. He wasn't going to let it go that far.
"I don't fucking know! You're the one that's supposed to have such a powerful mind!"
Dave put his hand on Dan's shoulder which had an effect of calming him slightly.
"This is too god-damn weird for me. All I know is that since I understood that nightmare I've been able to hear your thoughts."
"But, but, that's, that's not possible," Sam stuttered. "I wasn't transmitting my thoughts to anyone. I stopped them from leaving my head. I guess I'm able to read thoughts even when someone doesn't want me to, but it took me years to be able to do that. Even though I can, I don't. People's personal thoughts are personal for a reason."
"I know and if I knew how to control it I would. Maybe because I was concerned about you some barriers were broken down? Why don't we all sit down again."
All three sat down on the three-seater sofa. Dan in the middle, Sam on his right and Dave on his left.
"Davey, calm down a bit, OK?" Dan said with some forcefulness.
Dave looked at Dan seeing a calming, compassionate smile. Sighing he replied, "Sure man, sorry. Guess I'm just a bit freaked out and scared."
Dan kept grinning and said, "That's understandable. As O'Neil once said to Teal'c, "We tend to be afraid –"
"– of things we don't know," Sam finished Dan's sentence. "First series, second episode. Liked that one."
"You two still reading each others thoughts I take it?"
"Nope," Dan and Sam said in unison.
"I guess you're not as much of a SG-1 fan as Sam then?" Dan inquired.
"Na. I'm not. Although I quite like Andromeda. I'm not that much into science fiction," Dave said. He found the thought of transporters, beam me up Scotty's, and plasma guns rather unsettling.
"Don't know about you two, but I'm going to start breakfast."
"Good idea," Dan and Dave said almost simultaneously.
To be continued...