Date: Fri, 21 Sep 2012 09:55:14 -0700 (PDT) From: D One Subject: Dennis Finds Himself He looked at the plaque. It read "Mr. Dennis Fowling, General Manager". Dennis sighed and put it in the box on the floor along with the photo frames and some files. Dennis was also the co-owner of the advertising agency but never made a big deal of that. It was his final day. The company had done well over the years surviving financial ups and downs, new technology and an industry wide change. As he said, he wasn't retiring, just downsizing his work. He was leaving on that Friday. And it was casual Friday, a practice he instituted a very long time ago. Although most of the staff dressed casually anyway, Fridays, everyone did. Suits and ties were abandoned, jeans gave way to shorts and the staff often dressed in theme costumes. In his honor that casual Friday was LOVE CHILDREN day. His story of moving to San Francisco in that era was well known. And there he stayed, growing, working and now spending the rest of his life there too. The last photo showed his wife and son. Both were gone now. The boy died in a war he didn't support and she died of cancer. It had been a good life. "Uh Mr. Fowling?" he looked up and was immediately startled. Ralphie, as everyone called him, was at the door. One of the younger staff members, the boy was a talented artist. Dennis found him drawing on the street alone with other street artists, and recruited him only ten years before. "Just wanted to thank you again and uh..." the boy stepped inside "can we uh talk a bit?" he closed the door. Dennis heard him but his brain was numb. Ralphie wore flare jeans, worn and patched. A peace sign patch was over his crotch. Shirtless, Ralphie wore a denim vest; it too had patches of the era. And around his neck was a puka shell necklace and peace sign medallion. "Uh yea sure Ralphie...quite an outfit" he said. "Yea I saw a photo of you on the wall and wanted to you know dress like it." The photo was still there. He stood outside a corner wooden building. It had a store on the ground and two floors of apartments above. Dennis stood there, wearing almost the same clothes as he saw Ralphie wearing now.\ "Good job, takes me back..." Dennis sighed He stepped from the bus. His t-shirt and jeans comprised the entire wardrobe he brought. The overnight bag he carried had some photos, books and toiletries. He shifted in the clothes he wore feeling himself move against the low rise denims. Ignoring underwear was a brave move he did in high school. His parents objected, his buddies laughed and girls stared. His long hair brought "hippie" name calling from others and detention several times. His parents pleaded for him to cut his hair for graduation but instead he stripped naked under his robes. Dennis wasn't the only one. Others flipped their robes mooning the crowd. He wasn't that brave. Now he took another chance, leaving a note for his parents. The bus ride was very long taking him from Ohio to San Francisco that summer, later known as the summer of love. Others like him were everywhere. He felt at home immediately. "Uh Sir?" Ralphie interrupted his thoughts. "I just uh wanted to thank you for brining me here. It's been a good time. And I like some of the stuff I've been doing. But uh, I need... Dennis heard but his mind saw the Haight Ashbury area he was exploring that first week. He ate from fruit stands, slept in the Golden GatePark under bushes. There were others there too. Nobody seemed to care. It was a hot day. Shirt off, he baked in the California sun. Whenever he thought about what his choices were for life, he happily let himself be distracted by the other girls and boys, running, dancing, flying kites, wearing different outfits. "Hey man I un like your shirt" an older bearded man was looking at the shirt hanging from his waist. Dennis gave it to him. He didn't know why. It just seemed like the right thing to do. It left him the way he was half naked but without a shirt to put on. "Here man this is for you" the man handed him the denim cloth. He held it up to discover the vest. It felt good on his warm bare skin. The bearded man smiled and walked away carrying Dennis shirt. "It's just I need to see if I can paint, really paint" Ralphie said "Should I go and do that? I mean you kind of did." Dennis looked at Ralphie; the boy was tall, lean. His bare chest and stomach were sun tanned. A gold ring pierced his belly button. "I didn't have that" he said. Ralphie looked back questioningly "Sir?" "I didn't have that" Dennis pointed towards Ralphie's stomach. "Oh yea, sorry, didn't complete copy you did I? But I bet you didn't have this either." The younger turned and pulled the back of the low rise jeans down to reveal a tattoo on his upper hip. "No, no tattoos then. But.." Dennis stood and rolled his sleeve up. The peace sign on his shoulder was somewhat faded but it was there. "Oh cool" Ralphie said "when did you get that?" "I guess the first summer" Dennis smiled. The boy was attractive. He always thought so. His stomach tightened a bit. The feeling was still there. It came and went over the years. "Hey kid you need a place to crash?" the guy was about his age. They walked to the store and met the Asian female owner. Ralphie went to the basement to do the work she asked. In exchange he could "go upstairs" as she put it. The apartment was mostly empty. There were mattresses here and there, piles of pillows and people, lots of people. They sat talked, smoked and shared their joints, used the kitchen and bathroom. Everyone was low key in keeping with the reputation of the hippy culture at the time. "So what do you want to do?" Dennis asked Ralphie "where will you live?" "Don't know Sir. Just thought I'd kind of do what you did. Take the summer to see what's next before I get too old..." Ralphie blushed and stopped talking realizing he may have insulted the man who gave him his start. Dennis laughed "yea too old to do it..I know. That's why I took that summer off to come here. It changed my life. My folks wanted me to go to college, my brother suggested I join the Navy. I was lost...came here to escape them I guess or avoid making a decision." Dennis walked from around his desk and perched on the edge as he often did when talking to staff members. Ralphie's expression was intense absorbing Dennis' every word. The third floor was less crowded. It seemed cooler too. Dennis put his kit in a corner by a bay window overlooking the street below. It was full of kids like him, older men and women too, just walking, standing; talking...He leaned against the wall and fell asleep. It had been almost two weeks and he finally rested easily, drifting to a deeper sleep and wondered when and if he should return home. The noises awakened him. It was dark and the room was crowded with other so-called hippies. Some were laughing, others smoking pipes, while others passed joints. A girl was dancing to music in her head. Others were eating pizzas. Someone passed him a slice. San Francisco was like that then, people sharing, helping, caring and loving one another without expectations. "So, sure, take the summer off, give yourself time. I did it, as you know, changed my life. Your job will be here if you want it." Dennis couldn't help his eyes surveying the peace patch that covered Ralphie's crotch. What the boy had was pushed outward by his low rise jeans. He wondered if Ralphie felt sex in them, like he did that summer. "Hey man, you ok?" the man was older then he, mustached, mutton chops and long hair to his bare shoulders. His chest was larger then Dennis' and covered in a matt of curly hair. "Oh uh yea, just woke up" Dennis replied and then took a bite of the pizza slice he was having for breakfast. The man smiled and moved his head closer. Dennis assumed he was going to say something over the noise in the room. Instead their lips met. The man pressed his harder and then moved his tongue into Dennis mouth. Dennis didn't move. He had never been kissed by a man before at least not on the lips and never had a tongue in his mouth other then his own. His head grew dizzy. The man's hand rested on his bare chest and moved inside Dennis vest. The longer they kissed the more aroused Dennis became. He felt the warmth of the man's hand on the back of his head. And without deciding to do it, kissed back, felt inside the man's mouth with his own tongue. Fingers found one of his nipples and toyed with it arousing Dennis more then the hand moved down his stomach and over his own excited crotch. He had fantasized about sex before but never done it. Dennis had masturbated like all kids but never thought about having someone do it for him. The man's fingers were unbuttoning his jeans now. His excitement would soon be in plain view. "Come on" the voice was deep and loud enough. A hand pulled him to his feet and in a daze Dennis followed the man from the room into another. It was smaller. There were two others there. The man pulled him down to a mattress and they ignored the others as they lay facing each other, Dennis letting the man guide him, pull him closer as their lips returned pressing against each other. "I uh always looked up to you" Ralphie said "Guess you're kind of my father figure" "Thank you. I know you lost him long ago" Dennis said "I'm sorry" "It's ok, yea, he died in the desert. Mom took off. My granddad took care of me, kind of like you uh did..Sorry I didn't mean..." Dennis smiled. The man's hand moved down his back below his waist line under his jeans. Somehow his vest was gone. In moments not measured his jeans too were gone too. The man's bare body was pressed against him. Their hands explored each other. Dennis touched, learned, felt, memorized. The mouth was warm on him. The man moved his head and Dennis tasted the liquid that coated his cockhead. He was sucking cock. Only in magazines he peeked at, had Dennis ever seen anyone do that. His mouth was now full of the man's cock as his own was in the man's mouth. "Yea I guess you're right...thanks..I mean for the advice, the job too of course...can't wait till your party...you're one hell of a guy ... Sir" Ralphie was stammering and blushing. He knew Dennis eyes weren't on his face but his body. He didn't know what to say. There were rumors Dennis might be gay..but he had a family..everyone knew that. Some had met his wife before she died. And his son had died too. Ralphie knew that. Dennis moved closer. His hand rested on Ralphie's bare shoulder. "I'm proud of you, not only for the past years but making this decision. You're one hell of an artist and like a..." Dennis didn't finish the sentence at first "like I was I guess". Ralphie felt the fingers on his shoulder. They moved s if petting his skin. It aroused him but fortunately he was facing the other way less Dennis see his penis hardening across his stomach. The cock hurt like hell but Dennis took it as he lay on the mattress. He wanted new experiences and this was certainly new. He was horny as always and maybe that's why he responded to the attentions of the man. The cock that moved inside him slowly felt warm and good, numbing the original pain. He felt it leave him. Then the man's hands turned him over. He looked up in the darkness. The man illuminated by some light from outside the open window was above him. Dennis felt his legs lifted and pushed back. The cock moved back inside. It was uncomfortable. "You are one tight fuck" the man hissed as he began to do just that. The longer he fucked, the more excited Dennis got feeling his own cock hard again. He jacked it eventually matching the rhythm of the man's fucking and feeling as if he were fucking his own ass. They slept there, his hands intertwined in the man's chest hair. It was warm and wonderful. He awoke only when the man played with him again and inserted himself as they spooned. "Yea party later" Dennis said as Ralphie walked away. The boy's jeans were the shape of his buttocks, moving with each step. Dennis was distracted by the smiles and waves of other staffers. Women, men, artists, writers, sales people...all younger. All seemed happy. Some had families others single and others gay. His wife had expressed concern when he made the public statements supporting the gay community, Harvey Milk's campaigns and Mayor George Moscone. But he spoke out as one of the prominent businessmen in the city. Sighing, Dennis returned to his box packing. He would return to the old house in PacificHeights. It was large, had a great view of the bay but empty. He'd consult, check the books with the Board of Directors, probably socialize with clients now and then, but wondered if there wasn't something more he could do. "No not dead yet, not retiring, just not working every day" he said on the phone to one of the clients. He was naked on the mattress. Nobody seemed to be looking at him or the man who had awakened some part of him he didn't know about that night. Above him the man was dressing, hiding the dick that had been inside him, the chest hair he had tongued and felt during the night. The man smiled and held his fingers in the traditional V for "peace" sign before leaving. Dennis felt self conscious there by himself now, naked and lost. He dressed trying not to make eye contact with others in the room. Had they watched him have sex with another man? Did they hear his begging the man to fuck him harder or faster or slower? Did they giggle when he orgasm'd the first or second time? Did they judge him being held by those big arms, his naked body feeling the man's hairy chest and cock buried inside him while they slept? The streets were quiet, the park empty. Dennis walked and walked not sure he'd return to the house where he had crashed for days and where he had realized he liked sex with another man. The darkness found him across town, eating candy for dinner; he wandered further finding the small movie theater whose sign said "adult male films". He followed two other guys into the door ignoring the ticket taker. As he sat in the old theater seats, the scratched films showed naked boys and men doing what he had done the night before. The boys seemed hungry for sucking another penis, they reveled in being fucked. There was no pain expressed. They all seemed to love it. A hand rested on his leg. He glanced into the darkness but didn't move. It found his crotch and felt the outline of his hard cock. Then the hand tugged on his arm and he moved with it. They walked down the aisle. Again dazed, Dennis was afraid to look and see others watching him. They moved behind the screen. The images were there, reversed but naked sex continued. The hands began to undress him. Dennis let it all happen again. There was no kissing but hard penis was in his mouth. He had knelt and taken it without hesitation. Hands explored him. A cock inserted into his bare butt at the same time. It was an orgy. He kept doing whatever they wanted. "Hey kid wake up" the room wasn't dark but not light either. An older man had nudged him with his foot. "Get dressed man, the place is closed" Dennis, once again naked was embarrassed. He stood and dressed. "Want some coffee?" He nodded and followed the man where the coffee pot sat on a table. He ate the donuts offered and chatted. There was no admonishment about being naked, having sex with other males or being found there in the morning. The job was simple. He ate regular and slept with the man in the apartment above the theater. Time passed and others enjoyed his new found sexuality. "Party time" Arnold, the man designated to take over management appeared at his door. Dennis had stood looking out the window across the town he had enjoyed since leaving home. Dennis regained his consciousness and faced the hoopla of the afternoon. He could already hear music playing and people laughing. The party had begun without him. The theater was always full. Men in suits, boys probably too young to be there, hippies and others. Dennis sold the tickets, checked with Arthur who threaded the old projectors and occasionally did a walk around the theater. He ignored the sounds of patrons in the seats satisfying their own needs and sometimes others who sat nearby. He saw the silhouettes behind the screen doing what he had done and sometimes did again when Arthur was away. Kids, too young and probably looking for paying tricks begged to be let in. Some needed a place to sleep while others were looking for money. Dennis let them all in. Why not? He had found a home and they needed the same warmth and welcome. Dennis walked into the office while the applause grew louder and louder. There was Jane Weeth, who just had her second child named after him. After all it was Dennis who rescued her from the rehab clinic and gave her a reason to stay sober and live. Craig crossed his chest with his arms as a X..a sign of love. It was Craig who approached him on the street so many years ago. Dennis saw something in his fresh face and took him home. His wife having lost her son in a war, welcomed the boy and helped Dennis give the kid a new start. There were others, so many others, now artists, ad copy writers, sales people, administrators. Even the cleaning crew was there. Usually working at night, they got used to seeing Dennis there into the wee hours. He would have dinner brought in for all of them now and then. The party speeches began, tears flowed. His wife couldn't stop. The news their nearly grown son had been killed was worse then the earth quake they had survived. But they couldn't rebuild their lives like the house. She was never the same. Dennis would never get rid of the empty feeling he had inside. His employees gathered without notice, cleaning, cooking, and chasing away those who weren't invited. It was a summer. Dennis wandered across Golden GatePark the same place he had slept nights, partied days and wandered as a love child. It was the same. He even thought the same bushes that he had hid under were there. His wife had died and he was alone now. His staff was his family and his life now...he didn't know what else to do. "Sir?" the boy was probably in his 20's. "Can you spare..." he had heard the pan handling before. He had stood on street corners asking for change what seemed like only a few years ago himself, thought it was more then a few decades. The boy's eyes widened when the folded bills were put in his hand. "Do you uh want me to make you happy?" he asked. Dennis shook his head "Make yourself happy son that's the only rule in life" He walked away. When the doorbell rang, Dennis walked towards the glass door surprised to see the same boy standing there. "How did you know where I lived?" Dennis asked afraid the boy wasn't as innocent as he looked. "Everyone knew who you were" the boy said sticking out his hand. The folded money was in it. "I can cook, clean, do chores, you can pay me then" \ Dennis stepped back. Simon stayed for over a year. The house was never cleaner, the food delicious and the bed warmed by his presence. They never discussed it; Simon just walked naked into his bedroom that first night and got under the covers. His restaurant was in Monterey now. Dennis planned to visit now he had allot of time to travel. And Simon was there among the staff. Dennis smiled at his former lover, companion and surrogate son. They hugged. The food was delicious brought all the way from Simon's restaurant and he cooking network show had made the place even wider known. It was Dennis who got the show deal for him. They kissed. The staff applauded. Dennis smiled looked around. Ralphie stared, his eyes wide. His mouth was open in surprise. Dennis walked to him and moved his face closer as if to tell him something. Instead he pressed his lips against the young artists. His hand moved to his bare chest and found a nipple to tug. Ralphie's tongue was inside his mouth; Dennis tongued back remembering that night so very long ago. Dennis was surprised he enjoyed his new life. Occasionally he would walk through the office or meet with the Board of Directors. He visited Simon in MontereyBay even traveled to Europe a few times. But his best times were those when he walked from his bedroom across the den with its' big windows offering views of the bay. And he watched Ralphie often sitting naked there, his easel set up, his brush recreating the images that he saw or were in his head. Dennis would go close and kiss the back of Ralphie's neck, his hand moving across his chest and down to his crotch petting the parts he loved as often as his age allowed. It had been a good life...it was going to be even better.