Don't Wanna Be Lonely Tonight

By Tim Mead

Chapter 8

The intruding finger gave my prostate an extra stroke before being withdrawn.  Instinctively I wiggled my ass.

"Thanks for the bonus, doc."

My physician,chuckled.  "One of the perks of having a mostly gay patient list."

"You still on your own, Sam?"

"'Fraid so."

"Well, it's your own fault.  If you didn't have that policy about not dating your patients . . ."

Sam Reynolds and I might have been an item a few years back.  When I first arrived in Zenith, he had just set up practice downtown after finishing his residency.  A gay friend had recommended him and told me the good doctor was gay.  I'd been going to him for annual checkups and the occasional ache or pain ever since.  I'd had quite a crush on him at first but, though friendly, he'd been standoffish.  He finally told me one day that he made a point of never dating patients.  I even went so far as to say I'd find another doctor, but that seemed to offend him, so I'd let the matter drop.

He changed the subject.  "When is Russ coming home?"

He was Russ's doctor, too.  Most of his practice consisted of gay men who worked downtown.  So apparently he heard through the gay grapevine about Russ's singing "career."  

"Three and a half weeks, if Apex doesn't get another extended booking."

"And how are you coping?"

"You don't want to know!"

"Well, Bax, you've stood it this long, so you should be able to hang on for another three weeks."

"Three and a half weeks."

He chuckled again.  "Is it that bad?"

"Sam, you're not my shrink.  I've never had a shrink.  But if you were, I'd have a lot to dump on you right now."

"It's okay.  I understand.  I live alone.  I have an idea what it must be like.  You can talk to me if you want."

Sam was more than cute.  He was a hunk.  No more than an inch taller than me, he was built like the proverbial brick facility.  Red hair.  Blue eyes.  Probably had freckles as a kid, but now with pale, clear skin.  I couldn't imagine he had to be at home any evening he didn't want to be.

"Sorry, doc.  Didn't mean to complain.  I miss my guy, but I'll be okay.  As you say, it won't be too much longer."

"I don't know, everything about your physical condition checks out okay, but you look a might . . . edgy?"

"I'm fine.  Honestly."

"Okay, but call me anytime if there's a problem.  Oh, and when Russ gets home, remind him to schedule an appointment.  It's been nearly a year since his last checkup."

"Yeah, you letch.  You just want to give him a prostate massage.  Remember, he's mine!"

"He's one of my patients, and you know what that means.  He's safe.  I just need to find a great guy who's not a patient."

"Good luck with that.  I'll remind Russ to get his ass in here."

"Well put!"

In my state of mind at the time, I wondered if Sam had the hots for Russ.  Was he going to give him a prostate massage?  By the time I'd gotten a cab back to my office, I realized how ridiculous that was.  Sam was a good doctor, a good man.  And Russ loved me.  Of course he did.  If only he were here!

*          *          *

"Hey, lover!"

"Hi, gorgeous!  How are you?"

"Tired.  Horny.  Missing you."

I chuckled.  "Missing me just `cause you're horny?"

"No, that's not what I meant.  But you knew that, didn't you?"

"Yeah, just yanking your chain a little."

"Seriously, though, I miss everything about you, Bax.  It will be so great to be home."

"If you're horny, I assume that means you aren't getting any."

"We did promise, didn't we?  You've got to know you can trust me.  It's just my right hand . . . and sometimes the left when the right's tired from too much pickin'."

"Yeah.  I trust you, babe, I really do.  But sometimes I can't help thinking of all the chances you must have had."

"Not nearly as many as you're probably thinking.  I'm pretty well chaperoned.  Never alone."

I sang the line from Pinafore, "What?  Never?"

He didn't miss a beat.  In his beautiful baritone, he responded, "Well . . . hardly ever!"

We both chuckled, and then there was a pause.

"Bax, have you seen Eric since your date at the Inn in Powhatan?"

"No.  I told you we'd talked on the phone.  I invited him to supper and he refused."

"Why would he do that?  Didn't you tell me he admitted he had a thing for you?"

"Yeah, and that's the problem."

"What do you mean?"

"He says his feelings are so strong that he doesn't want to be around me, that it would be too painful."

"Oh, shit!"

"I can't help feeling sorry for the guy."

"Uh, Bax?"


"You don't have feelings for him, do you?"

"No way!  He's a nice guy, and I feel, oh, I don't know, guilty, I guess."

"Guilty about what?"

"Just that he's got this thing for me and I don't feel that way about him.  He's cute enough, and nice enough, but my heart is taken.  I'm in love with this sexy country singer with incredible auburn hair and beautiful eyes and legs that won't quit and an ass to die for."

"You're making me blush!"

"How do you know?  Are you looking at yourself in a mirror?  That's pretty narcissistic, isn't it, cowboy?"

"I can feel my face tingling when I blush."

"Oh.  Well, if you'd come on home to me, I'd make other places tingle."

"They already do."

"Are we about to have phone sex?"

He chuckled.  "We'd better not.  Jack's in the bathroom and could come out any minute.  Don't want him to catch me with my pants down and my hand on my pecker."

"Pecker?  You really have become countrified, Rusty Logan!"

He chuckled again.  We talked a few minutes longer.  Then I went to bed to beat off.  As I did, I couldn't help wondering how Russ was handling his problem with his roommate in the next bed.

*          *          *

The dreams I mentioned earlier continued, but Eric was less and less involved.  Mostly it was just Russ and me.  I'd often wake up in a sweat, breathing heavily, my dick hard.

*          *          *

The Friday evening after I'd seen Dr. Sam, the weekend after the phone call with Russ I just told you about, the phone rang as I was clearing up in the kitchen.  


"Baxter," a familiar voice said.

"Hey, professor, what's up?"

"I take the fifth."

"I mean, pervert, how are you and Corey?"

"That's why I'm calling.  We haven't seen you in much too long and we're coming over."


"No, you can relax.  No need to scoot the chippie out the door."

"Mitchell!  Don't even joke about such things."

Chuckling, he responded, "No, we wouldn't want Russ hearing nasty rumors, would we?"

Deciding to get off the subject, I went back to my question.  "You know I'd love to see you and Corey.  When did you have in mind?"

"I'm assuming you don't have a big date, like with Eric Fane or someone, tomorrow night."

"No.  I'm continuing to stay home and protect my chastity."

"Can a non-virgin have chastity?"

"You're the English prof.  Anyway, you know what I meant.  I'm being a very good boy."

"Poor child.  You must be suffering from terminal horniness."

"Well, that.  Uh, yes."

"My large lover and I will be there at 9:00 PM."

The way he said that, after mentioning my being horny sounded as if they were coming to relieve me of the problem.  I was pretty sure that wasn't what he meant.  "That'll be great.  I'll look forward to seeing you both.  But isn't the hour a little strange?  Don't you want to come for dinner?  Or meet me somewhere for dinner?"

"Corey's working tomorrow.   He has an errand of some sort to run on his way home.  So we'll have a bite here and then come to see you."

"At least have dessert with me."

"If you promise not to spend the day slaving over the hot stove."

I laughed.  "It's a deal.  Love to Corey.  See you tomorrow."

He made kissing noises into the phone before he hung up.

The next morning I went to Virgie's, the best bakery in the county, which just happened to be in the little business district of Fair Hills.  I bought a couple of their heavenly pecan rolls for my Sunday breakfast and a coconut cream pie for that evening.  I knew Corey was crazy about coconut.

I spent the rest of the day running errands and cleaning up the place.

When Mitchell and Corey arrived, I got hugs and kisses from both.  Mitch first.  As a still-friendly ex, he assumed it was his right.  Perhaps it was the horniness that had built up over the time Russ had been away, but I was quite aware of how good he smelled and felt pressed against me.  

And Corey.  Big, beautiful, six-two Corey with his curly brown hair and almost black eyes.  He smelled good, too.  I realized they both must have just showered.  A pang of jealousy hit me when I thought of them showering together.

But the best thing about Corey was being wrapped in his bear-like embrace as he kissed the top of my head.  Lucky Mitch!

I mention how attractive I found both of them that evening not only because it could be evidence of how sexually frustrated I was at that moment, but also because it may show how difficult a choice I was to have to make.

(Tim asked me if I really wanted to include the comment about having to make a difficult choice.  I answered by asking if that wasn't called "foreshadowing."  "Pretty heavy-handed foreshadowing," he responded.  "More like a blatant tease."  I reminded him that it was my story, for better or worse, but that I'd take it out if he insisted.  He didn't insist.)

"Come on in, guys," I said.  "It's good to see you!  It's been too long."  

In the living room, Mitch appropriated one of the big easy chairs, so I sat on the sofa.  Corey surprised me by sitting next to me, though at a reasonable distance.

Mindful of my duties as host, I said, "Would you like a drink?  Or," and I grinned at Corey, "I have coconut cream pie if you'd like some."

"Aww, Bax," Corey rumbled, "you remembered.  How sweet!  I'd love some!"

I stood and looked at Mitch.

"I'm not the one who has to watch his calories," said Mitch of the perfect metabolism, looking at Corey.  "I'll have a piece, too, thanks."

There being no ceremony with two such good friends, we had our pie sitting on stools at the kitchen bar.  I confess I don't remember what we talked about, but I do remember wishing Russ had been there to share the pleasure of the moment.

We took coffee back to the living room.

"Would either of you like a brandy, or something else to drink?"

Both declined.  

When Mitch finished his coffee, he looked at Corey as if to send a signal.  Corey crinkled his eyes and nodded.

"Guys, what's going on?" I asked.

Unflappable Mitch seemed a bit nervous.  Corey draped his arm along the back of the sofa

"Russ sent us," he said.

I heard what he said, but it didn't make any sense.  "What do you mean, he sent you?"

He began lightly stroking the hair on the back of my neck, sending shivers from the top of my head to my butt.  Mitch was sitting there with a strange look on his face.  I turned to look at Corey, who was looking back with an expression of concern, as a parent might look at an unhappy child.

It was Mitch who answered.  "Russ is worried about you.  He knows how much you miss him.  Not to put too fine a point on it, Baxter, he thinks you're dangerously horny."  Before I could say anything, he continued.  "You are horny, aren't you, Bax?  You have been a good boy, haven't you?  No fooling around with Eric Fane, or anything like that?"

"Mitch!" Corey chided.

I felt a bit pissy.  "Not that it's any of your business, Mitchell, but I've been completely faithful to Russ.  And that includes Eric Fane.  But I'm still not sure what's going on.  Did Russ actually send you two here to check up on me?"

Corey put his big paw on the back of my head and turned it so I was looking at him.

"No, Bax.  It wasn't anything like that.  Russ loves you and hates it that you two are still apart.  He's, well, I guess, grateful that you're not out fuckin' around with other guys.  So he came up with the idea that maybe Mitch and I could help you with your problem."

Looking back on it, I was being terribly thick, but I still didn't see what he was suggesting.

He began rubbing the back of my neck again.  I wouldn't have believed that such an apparently innocent touch could be so stimulating.  And then I realized what he meant!  The touch wasn't so innocent.  They were offering me a three-way!  Apparently with Russ's blessing.

My imagination triggered by the realization, I envisioned the three of us naked and writhing like puppies on the floor, feeling, stroking, licking.  Then I saw Corey with Mitch's cock in his mouth and mine in his ass, all of us moaning and moving in rhythm.  In that fantasy, Mitch and I leaned across Corey's long body and kissed.  And then I could see the three of us snuggled lovingly together in our post-coital fog.

"Babe," Mitch said, "I think he likes the idea."

Corey stroked my cheek with the backs of his fingers.  "How about it, Bax?  It would be a one-time thing, and Russ says if we want it, we should go for it."

My dick was about to explode at the mere idea of a romp with Corey and Mitch.  Months of frustration may have had something to do with my straining erection, but the thought of having a night of sex with my former and still very sexy lover and his even sexier partner was no doubt a more powerful cause.  

Corey went back to lightly stroking the short hairs on the back of my neck.  I shivered again.

"I don't think Russ sent us here to seduce him, babe," Mitch said.  "We're just supposed to make the offer."

Without looking back at Mitch, Corey said, "We agreed we'd like to do this if he's willing, didn't we?"

The corners of Mitch's mouth twitched.  "Yes.  It's not as if it would be an onerous duty."

`Always the professor,' I thought.  So typical of Mitch.  Then I shivered again as Corey continued to make me tingle with his fingers.  My boxers were getting damp by that time as waves of heat and lust swept over my body.  Remembering how long it had been since I'd had release from anything but my hand, and confronted with two sexy friends prepared to pleasure me, I was ready to start tearing off clothes:  mine, theirs, it didn't matter!

Five years earlier, I would have had no qualms.  A three-way with two beautiful men?  Anyone would be a fool not to jump at a chance like that.  But now I'd had the experience of having a mate, someone I was perfectly happy with when he was home, at any rate contented, fulfilled, and very lucky.  How generous of Russ to be worried about me, how generous to suggest a way to give me some relief!  

"Um, Bax?"  It was Corey whose question rumbled softly as once more he stroked my neck.

"Yeah?  Sorry.  Did you ask a question?"

I was reminded of a clip I'd seen once from the Jack Benny television program from the fifties.  Jack, whose persona included his being a miser, was accosted by a thief who demanded "Your money or your life!"  There was a long pause.  When the thief became impatient, prodded Benny with his gun, and asked, "Well?" Benny said, "I'm thinking, I'm thinking!"

"There's only one question on the floor, Bax," Mitch said.

I turned to face Corey, mostly to get my neck away from his hand, which was driving me crazy.  

"Guys, I've never been involved in a three way of any kind.  The idea of having one with two people I care about as much as I care about you is, well, it has me on the verge of creaming my jeans."

Corey grinned and licked his lips provocatively.  Clearly he wanted this to happen.  My cock lurched and spat out another dollop of pre.  Mitch, who'd been watching Corey and me intently, said in a quiet but warning tone, "Corey!"

"Much as I'd love to get down and dirty with you two, the answer has to be no."

Mitch nodded.  

Corey looked disappointed.  "Mind telling us why?"

"Two reasons. Whatever Russ says, I'd be devastated if I found out that he had been playing around while he's been away.  He and I have a commitment to each other, though it's largely unspoken.  And, much as I love you guys, as tempting as the offer is, and believe me, it's tempting, I'm gonna be true to my lover.  I know that sounds corny."

"Bax," Mitch said, "I confess I liked the idea when Russ suggested it.  But I never thought you'd do it."

"I guess you know me pretty well, don't you."

He smiled and nodded.  "But you said there were two reasons why we're all sitting here with hardons that won't be satisfied until later.  What was the second one?"

"You two.  You think you want to do this right now.  You can rationalize and say you're doing it for me.  Or for Russ.  Or for both of us.  But how about a year or so from now?  I'm pretty sure you two haven't had sex outside your relationship, and that's what this would be, even though both of you would be involved.  I'm afraid at some point one or the other of you would have regrets.  And I don't want to jeopardize our friendship or your relationship.  But I love you for caring and for making the offer."

I scooted over, threw my arms around Corey, and nuzzled his neck, making him giggle.  Then I kissed his cheek.

"I know I'm going to hate myself later when I go to bed alone."

Mitch had come over and was standing facing us.  Corey grabbed him and pulled him down on top of us, and we shared a group hug, some more nuzzling.  When somebody groped my frantic cock, I immediately came in my pants.

I went rigid, gasped, and held my breath for a moment.  Both of them knew what had happened and began to laugh.

When I got myself under control, I said, "Oh, shit, guys!  I'm sorry."  Then I grinned.  "But it is your fault."

Trying hard not to grin, Mitch raised that eyebrow and asked, "Sure you don't want to reconsider?"

"No.  I mean yes.  Shit!"  The goo in my boxers was embarrassing, not to mention uncomfortable.  I hadn't done that since I was a teen.  "I need to get cleaned up.  How about fixing us all drinks, and I'll be back in a minute?"

When I returned, Corey had poured Jack on the rocks for himself, and there was one on the coffee table for me.  Mitch had some of my Courvoisier in a small snifter.  We talked until after midnight.  Corey and I both had a pretty good buzz going by then.  Mitch had limited himself to the one cognac so he could drive home.

I had drunk enough to be maudlin, so when I exchanged hugs and kisses with them as they left, I was pretty teary in my thanks.  Then I went to bed and fell into a deep sleep.  The next morning I revisited my fantasies of the previous evening and had a brief but intense session with my hand.

And then I began to wonder why Russ had sent them.  Could he really be comfortable with the idea of me having sex with Corey and Mitch?  The idea of him having sex with anyone else under any circumstances made me pretty jealous.  And then something came to me.  Could he have sent them out of guilt?

*          *          *

"How's my favorite dean?"

"Getting' a stiffie just hearing your voice.  How are you, gorgeous?"

It was Sunday night, the night after Mitch and Corey had been there.  I knew that Apex had a matinee performance somewhere that day so wasn't surprised when Russ called at 9:00 instead of his usual late hour.

"I'm tired, to tell the truth.  I'll be glad to be home."

"And I'll be ecstatic to have you home!"

There was a silence at the other end of the line.  Then, "Um, Bax?"

"Yeah, babe?"

"Have you heard from Mitch and Corey recently?"

I laughed.  "Yes, as a matter of fact I have.  They were here last night."

I waited for a response.  It took a while coming.  Finally, he said, "Are you gonna tell me what happened?"

"Oh, we had a lovely evening.  Had coconut cream pie because Corey loves it so.  Talked a lot.  Had something to drink later."

"And that's all?"

"Yup.  But we did have an interesting conversation."


"As if you didn't know!  They said you had sent them.  So, come on, admit it.  You're dying to find out whether I took them up on their offer.  Except it was actually your offer, wasn't it?"

"Let me get this clear.  You refused?"

"Of course I did.  I've got a man.  I'm waiting for him to come home to me so we can make mad, passionate love."

Another silence at the end of the line.  Then a long sigh.  "I love you!"

"I love you, too.  That's why I said `no' to two sexy men who wanted to get me undressed."

"They were really gonna do it?"

"Yes, they really were.  But didn't you put them up to it?"

"Well, yeah.  I talked to both of them.  You know, to make sure they were willing."

"And why did you do that?"

"I knew you were getting hornier by the day.  I felt so guilty.  I figured if I couldn't be there to give you some lovin' that the next best thing would be your best friends.  I thought about it for a couple of weeks before I got up the nerve to ask them.  And then I didn't know whether to hope they'd say yes or say no."

"You sweet man!"  I regretted my petty suspicions.  I knew he was telling me the truth.  And I loved him more than ever.  

"Weren't you tempted, Bax?"

I chuckled.  "Oh, yeah.  Under different circumstances I'd have been willing to get it on with those two.  But I told them you were my guy and, having stuck it out this long, I would manage for a while longer."  I didn't think I'd better tell him at that moment about coming in my pants.  We could laugh about that later.

"I really would have been okay with it if you had decided to mess around with them.  Like I said, I feel guilty leaving you for so long.  I want you to be happy."

"Then just come home to me as soon as you can, okay?"

"Two more weeks, and I'll be there."

I asked how that afternoon's performance had gone, and he asked what was going on at work.  He asked about my family and I asked about his.  It wasn't as stilted as that sounds.  We knew we'd be together soon, so there was no point in getting into weighty subjects.  Like how long he'd be home before Apex went on tour again.

*          *          *

The next day when I got home Roz, our next-door neighbor, intercepted me between the car and the back door.  She had a big plastic bag which she was carrying with one hand under the bottom, the other grasping the top.

"These came this afternoon, and the guy from the florist asked me if I'd take them, since you weren't home."

Puzzled because no one had ever sent me flowers, I thanked her.

"From your absent sweetie, I'll bet," she said, grinning.

"I'll let you know," I said, as I took the bulky arrangement from her.

"If it's not from Russ, maybe you'd better not tell me."

It was a dozen red rosebuds in a vase.  And they were, of course, from Russ.  I confess I couldn't help the tears which flowed, both because I loved him so much and because I missed him desperately.

It was not until the next evening that I remembered to call Roz.

*          *          *

Two days later I got a phone call at the office from Eric.  He said he'd like to take me up on that offer of dinner, that he'd rather have me as a friend than not have me in his life at all.  I didn't see any reason why not.  After all, he was good company and not bad to look at.  If he didn't mind being with me, then why shouldn't we have a pleasant evening?

And that's pretty much what happened.  On Saturday night, a week before Russ's return, I took him to the most nose-in-the-air Italian restaurant in Zenith, Frescobaldi's.  It was expensive, but the tab wasn't even close to what he'd spent on me at The Top, not to mention that evening at the Inn out in Powhatan.

At dinner Eric was, as usual, entertaining, charming.  

At one point in the evening as we were talking about the pluses and minuses of the Zenith city administration, I found myself thinking that he and I might have been more than friends under other circumstances.  Then I remembered how turned on I'd been by Corey and Mitch the previous Saturday.  I decided I was a slut, at least mentally.  How loyal to Russ was I when I spooged my jeans while having something a bit more than a cuddle with my two old friends the previous Saturday and was now thinking about what kind of lover Eric would make?  There was also the business of my getting turned on by my doctor.  True, he was tickling my prostate at the time.  As Jimmy Carter said, though, I had "lusted in my heart" for several guys while my man was away.

I ate the last bite of my veal Oscar and followed it with a sip of the wonderful red, Italian, of course, but something I'd never heard of.  Eric had recommended it.  When I looked up, Eric was staring at me.  And I knew the look.  It was the look I got from Russ that made me want to eat him up.  Definitely a bedroom look.  Though Eric was behaving like an absolute gentleman, he did still have feelings for me.  The guilt pangs came back.  But, I rationalized, he'd asked for this evening together, and there was no way I could have refused.

When I dropped him at his building afterward, he invited me up.  There I drew the line.  I made some excuse, he thanked me for the evening, and I drove home.  Feeling like shit.

But Russ would be home in a week!

To Be Continued

Thanks to Drew, Mickey, Tinn and Bill for invaluable help with "Lonely."

This story is my intellectual property.  Do not post it to another site without my express permission.

If you'd like to email me, please do so at, being sure to put "Lonely" in the subject line so I'll know it isn't spam.  Thanks!  --Tim