Thursday 23th July
from Salerno
Bloved,
Our letters are crossing.
How are you, my love? I am well.
Your letter of the 15th made me much happier. I'll be in Rome on August the 3 rd. so i will have time for the job interview. Then we will leave together for our holydays.
I note a softening in Cettina's attitude. A small one That is, but it is there; today she picked up the mail. She gave me your letter and said, "From your friend." and her tone was kind.
I have begun to pack my things to bring to Rome. They are not very much, but neither are they few. I'm invading you.
Ruggiero sends you his greetings. He is so happy about coming up to Rome with us for a few days, after the holydays. He is looking forward to meeting you. He often asks about you: how is your build, what music you like, what do you like to read, and so on.
Yesterday he says to me: "Don't worry, when I come to Rome. You two use your room as if I were not there."
I looked at him quite amazed and asked: "You mean when we make love?"
And he, quietly: "Yes, sure. I will not bother you. And you can also kiss or the like even in front of me."
So I asked him: "Are you sure that will not be a problem for you?"
He looks at me as if I was dumb and says: "Why would it give me problems to see that you love each other and that you show it to each other? Hey, I'm not a child, you know?"
I am putting in order all the things I will bring to Rome. I have found my old sketch album from the Art Institute. Some are beautiful; I'll bring them with me so you can see them. When we were doing drawings from life we had model girls, and at times model boys. When I come to Rome I want to draw you, naked, of course. One of the two boy models was not bad, I didn't remember him. But you are better, and I don't say this just because I love you. I am objective.
It is 11:04 pm and soon I will go to bed. Alone, unhappily. Without you. I too become graphomaniac with your body. I need to write!!!
Did you notice that the last time I was with you I stole your eau de Cologne? Do you know why? Because each night before going to bed I put a little of it on me. So, while I'm falling asleep I smell your perfume. That way, I can see you, and stay a little with you, at least in my dream.
Now I have to say bye to you. I miss you. I love you. It seems I always write the same things - I love you - I miss you - I love you - I miss you... but they are true, or better "truthful" as we say in Naples and surrounding towns.
Be well (this time I didn't write "take care", did you notice?)
Sebastiano
(more and more happy)
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Roma, 26/7/87
My great love,
This is the last letter I will write to you, because soon we will be united. I think, and hope, you will receive this on time. I really think that these days our letters are crossing.
I am beginning to like Ruggiero more and more and feel I will love my young brother in law. Tell him that I'm waiting for him with open arms and with a great affection. Tell him that he has a home also here in Rome.
Don't worry about Cettina, you'll see that in the end all will be fine and she will accept me, because she loves you. Anyway I feel I love she too, if for no other reason, as a reflex of my love for you.
When will you get here? I always wait for your telephone call here at work. Even if we can say little because at the switchboard they can listen to us, I like hearing your voice. And then, you are able to send coded messages, as that time you told me that you fucking liked the card games we had, and that we had to do them more often. I almost burst with laughter, because to me it was evident you wanted to say you desired to fuck with me. But if the switchboard girl was listening, she would have just thought we are two passionate cards players. And after all she will not be so far from the truth, we really are two passionate players - in bed. And on the armchair, and on the kitchen table, and in the tub ad infinitum!
I was asking myself if there is one part of the house where we didn't make love. Well, there is: the broom closet! What place more suitable to fuck? What do you think of it? But we will have to do it standing...
But now enough with the silly things. Let's go to more serious matters: I love you, I desire you, I want you, I wait for you, I want all of you. And if possible, even more
Ah, I went to book the camper - it is a nice Ducato as we decided, sky blue, with king size bed. Are you happy? It will be ready by August the 5 th, so we can start to load it with all we need for our honey moon. This time it's up to me to see for the condoms and the gel! Ah, and remember to put the revenue stamp on your passport and do not fotget the vaccinations (ask them for the certificate) and the driver's licence and the swimming suit.
The ficus benjamin is ok and is opening new leaves. The more I look at it, the more I like it. It really fits in that corner. During our holydays the neighbour lady will come to water the plants as before, since she has her holydays in June-July.
You also, the more I look at you, the more I like you. The more I know you, the more I am in love with you. The more I am with you, the more I want to stay with you.
You know, I often recall the time when I was making all that fuss about being with you, and now it seems to me that I was really stupid. Just think of the lost time. But I am most sorry of all, because I made you feel bad.
In your letter you wrote two sentences of Julius Caesar applying them to us, that is "The die is cast." and "I crossed the Rubicon". But then you had to write a third one: "veni, vidi, vici". In fact you come (to Rome), you saw (me), and you won (me). Will you bring me as war plunder at your triumph and wait for Caesar's thumbs down before fucking me in front of an audience?
The only other thing I will miss, now that we will finally be living together, is your marvellously decorated envelopes, one more beautiful than the other, that underlined all our adventure from the very first encounter to our union.
But you in person have much more value than billions of trillions of envelopes. No problem.
Let me know which train are you coming on, so I will be at the station to wait for you. Call me.
Ciao, my sweet, great, marvellous lover - beloved. I'm waiting for you.
your
passionated
Federico
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Wednesday 29th of July
from Salerno
My beloved,
I think I will bring you this letter personally, and give it to you when I arrive at the train station. Otherwise, it will arrive after me.
Sure I will tell you everything. Sure we have to be sincere. Somebody telling lies to himself is a crazy man. And you are my self, and vice versa.
This will be my last letter, surely; we will be living together. Therefore I want it to be really beautiful. Not just the envelope. But the things I write, don't seem to me beautiful enough.
I'm happy coming to you. I'm happy we will at last live together. I'm happy being your husband. I'm happy you are my husband.
Sure, that happiness will calm down. We will become like many other couples, used to be together. We are also used to breathe, and to eat. But just try to stop! Moreover, you can eat well or badly. Routine doesn't scare me. To eat is routine. But you can cook different recepies. And from time to time it becomes a special meal. So it will be an agreeable routine. And take care it is not overcooked or undercooked, or burnt...
It will be great living together. Getting bored together. Discovering together. Suffering together. Enjoying together. Laughing together. Getting old together.
I don't want this to become the Christmas Letter full of good will and good intentions.
But I promise you that I'll do my best.
To make you happy. To surpass the black periods. To remain with you forever. To ameliorate my shortcomings. To accept your shortcomings. To always look at you with loving eyes. To be always sincere. To be able to listen to you. To be patient. To trust you. To love you more and more.
End of the Christmas Letter. But there would be much more to say. Perhaps, at times, we take too much for granted. So, to say them seems almost banal.
I will arrive the 3 rd of August. It will be an important day. We are undertaking an important step. The adventure begins. We are marrying, practically.
We first met on the 12th of May last year, we unite the 3 rd of August this year. Two important dates. One year and three months to make our love bloom. All our life to make it mature.
For one to give himself to another is rather easy. To accept that the loved one gives himself to you, is less easy. In fact it is a great responsibility. But I willingly accept it. Because I love you.
Thursday 30 th of July<
Holy Virgin, how slow time passes.
It is almost all ready: cardboard boxes for moving, luggage for the trip. Documents ready, interview for the job then our journey.
I'm counting the days. Soon I will count the hours. Then the minutes. I'm really doing the count down.
I love you more today than I did yesterday, less than I will tomorrow, my love. I feel all upset. Feverish. I can't stay still a moment. Do you know why? Because I am impatient for you. At times I close my eyes and think you are here. I see your body. Naked, of course. I caress it with my fingers, I kiss it. I see your beautiful cock, erect, quivering for me. I kiss it, I take it between my lips. I see your eyes looking at me, with desire...
Soon I will really feel this desire fulfilled..
Saturday I'll go to the barber, to make myself beautiful for you. Today is Thursday, time never passes. On the contrary, when we were together, it was flowing away too fast. If you only knew how much I need you!
Finally Ruggiero will have a room for himself, a closet for himself. I will have all of you for myself, right? I need feeling you. Not just your voice, but to feel your body searching for mine.
Cettina says that Sunday she will invite Francesco and Loredana to lunch, to bid me farewell. Loredana doesn't know about you and me. She is four months pregnant, so soon you and I will become uncles. Francesco has never mentioned the subject again. But he hasn't changed at all with me.
It seems that Cettina is changing. Imperceptibly. She also has never brought up the subject. She avoids it. She talks about Rome, not you. Ruggiero instead talks about you, not Rome.
That is, I mean, for instance, that Cettina says: "when you will move to Rome... when you will work in Rome... your home in Rome..." and so forth.
On the contrary Ruggiero says: "when you will live with Fede... When you will work with Fede... your home...". In short, Ruggiero understands that I don't give a shit about Rome. You are the only important thing.
Friday 31 st Jyly<
Ugh, what a bore! When does Monday come?
This afternoon I will call you at the office. I am hesitant. The 11:31 train arriving in Rome at 2:05 pm on Monday? Or the one leaving at 3:17 am and arriving in Rome at 6:30? Which one do you prefer? I prefer the second one, so we can meet 7 hours and 35 minutes earlier.
It is true that you will have to go almost immediately to work. But we can cut away a small hour for us, right? And in a small hour, we can make love, right?
To me to leave at 3 in the morning is ok. Anyway, that night, i will not be able to sleep. I still sleep little and bad. I'm so antsy. With happiness, of course.
How are you? Staying calm? If I know you well, no. You must be feeling as high as I feel.
I've just heard you on the telephone. Ok, then, I'll take the 3:17 train. I would have bet that you too preferred that one. Hearing your voice made me feel shudders all long my back. A bitch's chill! A pleasurable chill, of course.
I hoped to find the letter you said you sent me. I went back from the telephone box running. On the contrary, still nothing. I can receive it tomorrow morning, or it will arrive after I leave. I will be sad in that case. Mr. postman, hurry up!
God, what a torment being far from you. Instead of being here writing with a pen, I woul like to have you writing on me with your body. I spread my legs, receive you in me and you write love sentences. And your eyes look at me, shining with excitation. And than it is I writing on you, in you, all the love I have for you.
How beautiful it is to love. How beutiful it is to be loved.
I'm thirsty for your kisses.
Saturday 1st of August.<
This morning I went to the barber. The best in Salerno, expensive but very skilled. He did the razor sculpture, last fashion cut. The result seems good to me.
Then I went to buy a new vest. I will wear it for my journey. I'm making myself beautiful for you. I want you to see only me; I want you so fascinated that you will look at no one else. Just me.
When I got back home, there was your letter, at last. I read it all in a jiffy, climbing stairs.
Love in the broom closet? Wherever, my darling, wherever you want to do it. If we make love there, it will become more beautiful than the Caserta Royal palace, granted. Even if we will have to do it standing.
And then, you were right. I will drag you behind my chariot, in chains and naked. No, not naked, or they will steal you from me. You are too beautiful, too sexy. On the chariot with me, at least I can kiss you.
I love you.
All the rest we said on the telephone. But it is always good to read them. Very well for the camper. Wery well for all.
Two more days. Less than 48 hours. Then, at last, together. I'm really thirsty for your kisses, do you know? And I need to quench my thirst soon, I can't resist. And I will quench my thirst also in another way. Want to guess how? By giving you a fantastic blow job, my wonderful male! You know that I'm really a glutton for you, no?
Wait just a moment, Cettina is calling me.
Cettina wanted me to take the golden turnip dad gave her, just before he died. I asked her why she was now giving it to me.
"It is the most precious thing I have. I want you to have it."
"But, why?"
"Because I love you." Then she was silent for a while, looking at me. Then she says: "And I'll try to love him too."
"Federico? I would be so happy..."
"Are you happy going to him?"
"Very much."
"If Federico makes you happy, I will love him."
So i said that you have to meet. She said yes, but not immediately. She wants some more time. Then she says: "When we meet, he must feel really welcome. That's why I ask you for more time."
Let's hope, my beloved. She knows that until she accepts you, she is not accepting me. I think she really understood that. Cettina is clever, but above all, good hearted.
I love you so much!
37 more hours and we will be together.
I think that when we will meet at the train station I will scandalize everybody. Because I will kiss you on the mouth until you are out of breath.
God, how much I love you!
Sunday 2nd of August<
Why didn't I come today? Or better, yesterday evening? Today there is the farewell lunch with the family, it's true. Quite as if I were going to the ends of the Earth! And nowadays my family is you.
It's a pity we cannot change our family name. To have the same, yours or mine. Or both our names. Or perhaps a new one. If we could choose a new family name I would choose Loved. Sebastiano Loved (by Federico) and Federico Loved (by Sebastiano). Woudnt't it be great? Even without the brackets...
While I was taking my shower, I had a daydream. I fancied you were there. You were soaping all my body with long, sweet caresses. And without touching my dick, I cum! Oh! I wrote dick like you say, and not cock... I'm changing. I'm federicizing. I like that.
Still 18 hours and 27 minutes. I hope the train will not be late this time. In that case I'll come by foot, running.
They rang the bell. It must be Francesco and Loredana. Later again, my love.
They gave me many presents. It seems like Christmas and my birthday all together! After lunch Francesco gave me a parcel. I opened it. He says: "For your home, in Rome." Guess what it was? A nice Capodimonte's china set, tray, cups, sugar pot and milk pot. Very fine, refined even if classic. I don't like the Capodimonte style very much, it is too mannered. But this one is really fine, in good taste. But that's not all, the cups were two, a tete-a-tete, how is it called. Great, no? For you and me, it was clear. In fact Loredana says: "I wanted him to take at least the 6 set, but Francesco fixed his mind on this for 2... Are you moving into a small apartment?" I answered: "Francesco made a perfect choice. A set for 2 is perfect." and Francesco, from behind his wife, winked at me. I knew he really wanted it for us, it was clear.
Then Ruggiero gave me the galleon he built. I know that he is very fond of it. And on the side he changed the galleon name. With gilded letters he put on "FMP+SDD" You first. And there was a card where he wrote: "Always sail with stern wind". So this also is a gift for us both.
I am really happy. I come to you with the blessing of 2/3 of the family. I would have come without it, of course. But it's better so, right?
The only thing that was heavy to me during the lunch was I couldn't talk about you, because of Loredana and also a little because of Cettina. If I could, I would do nothing different. Also to the friends that in the past days were farewelling me because they heard I am moving. If you only knew what a great desire I have to tell everybody that I am coming to live with you! To talk about you! Patience!
Ciao, love. Tomorrow morning we will be together. Still 10 hours more. Are you too counting? If you know how often I look at my watch!
I love you terribly.
Monday 3 rd of August
from the train
Here I am, I'm arriving! I found a sitting place near the mini-table. As soon as we left Naples I started to write to you. We are at the end of our waiting.
At 2:30 Cettina woke up to bid me farewell. At the door, she put a small parcel in my hand. "For Federico." she said. Then we embraced and she went back inside. I have no idea what is in the parcel. I'm bringing it to you.
Ruggiero wanted to come with me to the train. When I was ready to go inside, we embraced and he gave me a kiss. Then he gave me another: "This is for Federico." he said. I'm bringing this also to you.
I'm happy.
My dear love, still just 1 hour and 42 minutes. I'm coming. I continually look at my watch. It doesn't seem that the train is late.
Did you prepare the red cloth carpet runner to welcome your beloved? To tell the truth I would prefer another kind of carpet. The pink one, of flesh, your beloved body. But not at the station, at home. It will be better.
I'm coming fast to you. Kilometres are rapidly diminishing. But not fast enough for me. Are you getting ready to come to the station? Did you manage to sleep a little, last night? Take care, I want you in good form, understood? Are you also continually looking at your watch?
Now just 53 minutes! People are dozing around me. I did not even try. I am too excited. Salerno seems already so far away. It was another world, another life.
All is dark out the window. But here inside my heart there is a blazing light. Our love. Your picture is inside my suitcase. How stupid can I get! I would have liked to look at it. But in a while I will have in front of me the original.
I write a little, stop and think a little. Of you, of course. Of us. 21 minutes more. Run, train, run! There is my love waiting for me.
I bet that you are now on your bike speeding toward the station. At this time all the streets must be deserted. You will arrive in a flash. You will look for the platform at which I'll arrive. You'll be looking at your watch...
9 minutes more. Now I put this letter away. Then I will move my luggage near the door. Or better, I will go to the first carriages to come down more closely to the entrance. What a dumb ass not having thought about this before!
Very, very soon, my love. I'm arriving! I love you.
I love you beyond words.
I will take care of you, you know?
yours
Sebastiano
madly in love
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END OF THE EPISTOLARY
START OF A LIFE OF LOVE
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