IMPORTANT:

To readers who have just finished Extracurricular but have not started the follow-up book, If It Weren't For the Two of Us ... STOP. The following stretches over a period of time between the beginning of "the pause" to Trent's graduation. There are many spoilers in here. Readers should not go through this content until after Chapter 18 of If It Weren't For the Two of Us.

Extracurricular officially ended with the previous chapter.

 

 

These events take place during If It Weren't For the Two of Us.

 

Bonus Content

 

[Week One]

I held the journal in my hands. Should I buy it? It was me that said we should put things on hold. Was this a mixed signal? I did want Trent to know I thought of him, loved him. This would be a reminder even if we weren't together like we had been for three weeks. I had gone to the trouble of finding out his parents' home address in Toomerville. Why was I now indecisive? A simple note shouldn't give away too much. It would be innocent enough for his parents to think it was a kind gesture.

I bought it.

I weighed my words carefully. It needed to sound professional, not loving. It should convey "to encourage you to continue writing" and not "I miss your dick in my mouth every night."

Again, I debated with myself if I should send it.

Exactly 23 minutes later it was mailed. It was done. There was no going back.

I sat in my car with my hands gripped to the steering wheel. I didn't start the engine. My death grip on the wheel wouldn't let me start the car. My knee bounced with nervous energy. It was a mistake. His parents would ask too many questions. I should have waited until he got back from Spring Break. I had fucked up. Again. Trent wasn't ready to come out to his parents. Fuck. It was too obvious. I should never have sent that journal.

For a minute I debated whether to run back inside and insist they give the package back. I knew they wouldn't do that though.

"Gaahhhh! You're an idiot, Michael Terry. How many different ways can you mess with this kid!"

Kid. Trent wasn't a kid. Yes, he was 21 and I was 30. But he was a man. He was a man who loved me. We rushed into things. His grades suffered. It was all too fast.

But somehow, we worked. I loved him. I missed him. I needed him. How could I possibly last ten weeks without him? I am supposed to be the mature one, the experienced one. Why am I feeling like an adolescent? Man up, Terry.

 

—

 

I was packed. Mom and Dad would be here in the morning. We had our trip to Savannah, Georgia, tomorrow. With the connection, it was going to be a long day. I sat the suitcase by the door. They would be here by 10:00. I just wanted a good night's sleep.

I turned the lights out.

I had every intention of telling them on the trip. They knew I hadn't seen anyone since Ethan. I hoped they would feel good about me trying again.

Ethan. He was so fucking good looking. Despite that, we were just in different places. It was sad that he was so much older but was still the party animal between the two of us. Once I had the house — well, we had the house — it just made sense to focus our time at home.

Fuck, he was good looking. Appearance wise, I loved everything about him. His body was delicious. Granted, his cock was nothing like Trent's. But that never bothered me. He was all man. I was the young guy when we were a couple. It's bizarrely ironic that the situation has now flipped completely opposite. Ethan was about to turn 40 when we broke up. That age difference was even bigger than Trent and me. But we were so drawn to each other.

But that wasn't enough. We fell in love so quickly. We thought it would last forever. But ... the transition was slow and gradual. We moved in together too fast. Had the house been mine alone, we might have found ourselves figuring out our different paths before things became too complicated.

The last time we made love, I knew it was over. My body weight was pressed onto his. My dick was pushing deep inside him. He loved to bottom. I loved to top. That worked. It was so weird that when I groaned as I came inside him, I knew — I knew — that I was partially groaning because I knew we weren't in love anymore. We went three weeks after that without having sex. Then we finally talked.

My heart was pounding when I realized I was doing it again. I let things with Trent happen so fast. We didn't even know each other. Well, as adults. He was aching to come out but terrified to do so. One look at his body, now fit and trim as a complete adult ... that gorgeous cock ... and ... I was lost. I became a different person in that moment in the gym locker room. It was like all common sense left my brain cells after months and months of not having sex. Not feeling the touch of a man.

That evening was such a mistake. Trent didn't think so, but I always would. We had sex before we even had our first drink. It had never stopped haunting me. My entire body withered into a tight, twisted vine just thinking about that shower incident. I entangled myself in the sheets.

"Fuck!"

How had I been so stupid? Now Trent is in love with me. I'm in love with him. And it doesn't even make sense for us to be together. I was killing him — I threw it all at him too fast. He needed to talk, he needed someone to listen. But we jumped into sex and drinks and sex and him staying over ... and dear God, the sex was off the charts. It was better than what I had with Ethan. But, why? What was different?

Trent was different.

That initial attraction quickly changed. It became an admiration and a caring and ... I fell in love with that innocence of his. Trent was the whole package. Sadly, it came in a 21-year-old. A beautiful 21-year-old. Ethan had beautiful silver in his hair. Trent was just starting to grow what would make a nice beard. Was I somehow defective for not falling for people my own age?

Even though he was young, Trent was still all man. Handsome man. That soft brown hair. Just a soft velvety small coat on his pecs. Sexy bush. Ideal dick. A fit body of an athlete. Beautiful ass.

I had mindlessly been pleasuring my erection thinking about sex with my recent men. My hand pulled harder, and I groaned as cum hit my chest thinking about Trent.

 

[Week Two]

"Did your parents suspect anything?" I asked.

"I don't think so. They just think the world of you, so it just fits into their image of you being an amazing teacher." The phone went silent. "Mike, what do you want me to write?"

"Just like I said in the note, I want to encourage you to continue to be creative. You're an amazing writer, Trent. The journal is yours for you to express yourself."

"Hmm. We'll see. With finals coming up, who knows what time I will have. I'll think on it."

"It's yours."

"I should probably get back to my parents." Trent paused. "I miss you, Mike. I still love you even though we haven't seen each other for a while."

"Me too. Are you sure I didn't cause a problem with my gift?"

"Pretty sure. Have fun with your parents."

We hung up.

"Oh, thank God," I exhaled, finally relieved that I hadn't caused Trent any problems by giving him the journal.

While I did want him to write, I knew deep down I was selfish. I wanted him to think about me when he was writing in his journal.

"Thank God what?" my mother asked walking up.

"Oh. Oh nothing."

"Your body language isn't saying `nothing.'"

"Fine. Let's get Dad."

Ten minutes later I had told my parents I was seeing someone new.

What I did say:

·         He's younger than me.

·         He's creative.

·         He's handsome.

·         He makes me feel alive again.

 

What I didn't say:

·         He was a former student.

·         We had sex in the school shower when we first met again.

·         I was wrecking his studies, so we put things on hold.

·         He hadn't come out to his parents.

 

They were pleased. They knew I had been a little cut off and had been keeping to myself. I felt I was hiding too many things from them. And if you have to hide, then something was wrong.

But I was glad I told them.

 

—

 

Savannah was beautiful, and the southern climate was even warmer than what we were experiencing back in Jackson Bend. I loved Spring Break.

I texted pictures of the sites we were visiting to Trent. I didn't want to overdo it. Afterall, I wanted to make sure Trent had some space and could concentrate on school. He should have been having fun, but being the mature kid he is — scratch that, the mature man he is — he was using Spring Break to stay on top of his studies.

He still had two months before graduating. I knew my decision to put us on pause was the best thing for his college work, but it also terrified me. Trent was handsome. Now that he was out to his friends, I knew he would be hit on by other guys on campus. He was new to this. He was bound to be tempted. Would an old guy like me hold up to young blood? Raging hormones? Hunky athletes?

The risk killed me. Every. Day. Once we said we loved each other, I thought we might have a chance. I wanted us to work. But it was up to him.

 

[Week Three]

I couldn't interfere with his classwork, but I could at least see him play. The team had a home game.

Trent was on fire. He was the star player of the night. I saw him occasionally search the crowd. He probably wondered if I might be there. I'm glad he did. I knew he wanted me there. He eventually found me in the crowd. I loved cheering for him. I knew I was cheering the loudest. I was trying to.

His team played so well. I was glad they won. I went down to the court to say hello. Trent lit up when he saw me on the sidelines.

Even though he was hot and sweaty, he was gorgeous to me. He was mine. Except that he wasn't. Not for seven more weeks. But this was the first time we had seen each other since we took "the pause." Our smiles mirrored each other.

"You were amazing! You played a great game."

"Thanks for being here," he said.

"I didn't want to miss it. You were a total stud out there. I'm glad I got to see it."

"The next two weeks are away games," he said. His eyes were locked into mine, locked with chains and padlocks. "It's nice to see you, Mike."

"Same here." I looked around. Then I whispered, "I miss you."

"Me too," he softly said.

Lance walked by and winked at me. I mentally died a moment each time I saw him, thinking of us all in the shower. The fact that I did that with Trent was mistake enough, but to include someone else — whom I didn't even know!!? — Lance could get me fired if he ever wanted. Thoughts of blackmail even sifted into my conscious. Lance seemed very closeted, so I didn't think that would happen. Not in the next two months at least. His simple flirtations were punishment enough for my bad judgement.

The team needed to head to the locker room. I took in one last look. Trent was so sweaty, and his hair was a mess. I sighed. I thought he was beautiful. I would have loved to have seen him pull that soaked uniform off his body. I would have held the damp cloth for him as I watched him step into the shower. I would have inhaled the jersey just to absorb the scent of the man I had fallen in love with. I pictured the water pouring through his hair, running over his shoulder, cascading down his chest, dripping from his glorious cock.

I was getting an erection just thinking about it. I needed to leave the gym.

 

—

 

I was sorely missing Trent. I looked at the picture we had taken at Lawrence Creek. I went to a drug store to have it printed off. I knew I had a 5 x 7 frame in the closet.

 

—

 

Before I headed to bed, I picked up the newly framed photo of us on the bookshelf. I held it in both hands. My lips gently pressed to the glass.

"I love you," I whispered.

 

[Week Four]

I wasn't sure when Trent's birthday was, but I knew he said it was in April. I started my research. On a break or not, I wanted to see him when the day arrived.

Using a plausibly fabricated story, the school's secretary was able to research records, even though Trent had transferred out years ago. It took her a bit to make some calls, but she came through for me.

April 23. Good, I had a few weeks.

Egad. A few weeks. Would he still be interested in me in a few weeks? Each day we are apart is a day he could meet someone else. There was no way I could compete with a young college stud. Hopefully our occasional calls and texts will keep me front of mind. But that's nothing in comparison to being there in person. This was all my doing, my recommendation. I had to put his studies first, but would that be my undoing?

Be strong, Trent. For me. Come back to me when it's right.

 

[Week Five]

It's not like me to run off without my phone, but to be honest, it was rather nice not to be bothered by it. I sometimes worried that I was too dependent on it. I see my student positively addicted to their cell phones; they are so transfixed on those damn screens. I think they would rather give up their beds sometimes instead of their phones if forced to make a choice. I wasn't expecting anything, but I checked for texts and missed calls.

Trent had texted.

"Something happened last night. Can I call?"

Fuck. What did that mean? Damn, this came in hours ago. Damn.

Was he in a car wreck?
Did his Dad find out?
Did he meet someone else, and he needed to let me go?
Was he failing a course?
Was he hurt in last night's game?
Did Lance do something to him? Did Lance do something with him?
Was he falling for Lance?
Maybe his roommates did something bad.

I was spiraling. I dialed immediately.

"Are you okay!!?? What happened?" I frantically asked when he answered.

"Hold on. Yeah. I'm okay."

He went through last night's ordeal as best as he could remember. A teammate had rebuked him in the locker room for being gay. Belittled. At least his teammates stood up for him. Still, words hurt. He wanted me to know. His whole team now knew.

"Oh, baby, I'm so sorry you had to go through that," I said to him.

"I know. I wasn't sure if I should tell you."

"Why?"

"I ... I don't know. I didn't want you to think I would need to run to you every time something bad happens."

I was silent a moment. I must have given Trent the impression he shouldn't reach out during this break we're on. Fuck. I screwed that up.

"Trent, I'm sorry. Just because I think we need to be on hold temporarily doesn't mean I've stopped caring. If you need me, call me. If you want to talk, I'm here. I am so sorry I was out tonight without my phone. That rarely happens. I feel bad I wasn't here earlier."

"Thanks, I'm okay," I said. "It just threw me last night. I guess I should expect that from time to time, huh?"

"The world is getting better, but ... yeah. You might run into that every now and then. I am sorry, babe."

"I'm a big boy. I can move on."

We hung up shortly thereafter.

"You're not a big boy, Trent," I whispered to myself. "You're a man. Hopefully my man. You'll realize that someday. You're about to enter the adult world. As a man."

I sat on the couch and then turned to lay my head on the arm rest. I missed him. I felt alone. My thoughts returned to the retelling of his incident. There. In the locker room. All these naked guys standing around and then being criticized for being gay. As he stood there naked and exposed. It had to be horrible. I felt for him. If only he had been able to come home to me so that I could have held him in my arms. Graduation couldn't come soon enough.

Naked. Exposed. In my arms. Trent. Naked. A man.

I ripped off my jeans thinking about him. Naked. I was almost fully hard before I pulled by boxers off.

The next five minutes were spent thinking of him. I missed him. I loved him. I needed him. I wanted to fuck him. I wanted him to suck me. I fucking needed fucking sex with the fucking man I loved. I paced myself in my masturbation. I wasn't in a hurry.

I pulled my shirt off. I was reclined on the couch fully naked. Exposed. Thoughts of Trent and a tight, jerking fist around my dick had it throbbing. I groaned. I moaned his name in my heavy breathing. I missed him so much. I missed us having sex so much. I loved him so much.

"Oh, Trent," I called out as I felt the sensations in my groin started to boil. "Trent!" I screamed as my orgasm rose. "Trent," I called with each spurt of cum shooting onto my chest. My breathing went from deep and heavy to a normal pace. "I miss you," I whispered. My chest was splattered.

 

[Week Six]

It was Trent's last game. Even though it was two hours away, I wanted to be there. I wanted him to feel my support.

I arrived before the teams came out of the locker rooms. I sat behind the visitor's team in the stands. They began dribbling basketballs immediately and taking practice shots. Trent suddenly stopped and looked around as if he was missing something. He looked over to the sidelines. There he saw me on the front row. His eyes grew big. He ran over to me.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"It was my last chance to see you play."

"But you had to drive two hours to be here."

"And ... ?" I said.

"I can't believe you did that. Thank you."

Lance saw me, and I winked at him and nodded him to come over.

"Professor Terry. What the ...?" Lance asked.

"You guys have this!" I said in a pep-talk voice. This was their last chance for the playoffs. I wanted to be encouraging.

Lance gave me a one-armed hug. I usually shied away from Lance. I didn't worry about that. Tonight was just about making it to the playoffs. I think both of them genuinely appreciated my support. The coach called them back.

"See ya," Trent said. He immediately circled back to see me glaring at him. I hated that phrase. "I mean, it means a lot to me that you're here."

It was an incredible game. Quite the nailbiter with a tied score going into the last few minutes. Trent had been playing well but it was do-or-die time for the team. He sunk another basket and I went wild. The people sitting around me glanced. I probably was a bit too zealous. I didn't care. I was so proud of him. He had an opportunity to make one last shot to clinch the game, but he noticed Lance had the better shot. He passed it to him. Lance made it. They won!

A hush came over the local audience, but the small group that had traveled from Jackson Bend was going insane. It was one step closer to the playoffs for the team.

They all headed to the locker room to celebrate — and clean up. Trent flashed me one last smile as he jogged past me. I was so proud of him.

Before starting the car for the drive back, I texted. "You are a rock star!"

They had made it to the bus when I was about a third of the way home. I heard my phone receive texts. I pulled over. Trent credited his performance to me being there. We exchanged messages and I even commented to Lance as well.

I went into a Quik Trip to pee. I resumed my drive. About 40 minutes out of town, more texts came in from Trent. I pulled over again.

"The other team won. We didn't make the playoffs."

"Oh babe. I am SO sorry. Your team must be crushed. I am very disappointed for all of you," I replied. "Do you want to talk?"

There was a pause.

"No. I'll be okay. It's disappointing. I'll move on."

"Okay. I love you. I wanted to tell you that on the court but didn't think it was the right place."

"I thought the same thing. Love you back."

We aren't quite to the halfway point of this break, but pretty damn close. We still said we loved each other. That was a good sign.

 

—

 

"I came out to my Mom today."

I immediately called Trent.

"Hey babe! There was no way I was going to just text about that. Tell me everything," I said. "And by the way. Good for you!! I hope. Okay, I'll stop talking. Go."

"Well, first, thanks for calling. It went fine. She didn't run off in horror, but at the same time, I didn't get `It's wonderful!' either. I think she just needs to process it."

"Indeed," I agreed. "It's a big thing to take in. Give her some time. I bet she'll call you within a week."

"I hope so. I felt I would need to give her some space."

"Did you ... did you tell her about ... us?" I asked.

"No. I didn't mention any person at all. I just told her I was gay and that I didn't want to hide or lie. I just wanted to be honest."

"Aw, I'm proud of you. She has to respect that."

"I did notice as she left she didn't say she loved me."

"Does she always?"

"Hmm. Y'know, I'm not sure. Sometimes."

"Again, let her sort it out. She might not know what to say right now. But more importantly, how do you feel?"

"Oh, Mike. It is like I can breathe. I was so nervous meeting her, but I needed to do it. It is Such. A. Relief. To have that behind me. Seriously. I feel very good about that."

"That's all that matters then. I take it your father wasn't there."

"Oh, no. I set it up to just talk to Mom first. I'll probably tell him after graduation."

"Whenever you feel ready."

"Hey, thanks again for driving all the way to see us play last night," I said.

"Of course. You put on a show, so I'm glad I did. You were amazing. I'm so supremely proud of you this weekend."

"Thank you. I love you, Mike."

"I love you too, Trent."

"Good night."

 

 

[Week Seven]

I hadn't seen Grayson and Theo in three years. It was great that the two of them were taking the plunge.

I remember introducing them to Ethan. The four of us did several things together for a few weeks. I never saw them after we split up.

In all the time I was with Ethan, I never really considered marriage being on my radar. But it was good to see gay couples getting married to be more commonplace. We certainly were making great strides.

I needed a card for them. I thought the selection in the gayborhood would be better. I hadn't been there since showing Trent around. And ugh, getting plastered. Crap, that night at Indigo was so humiliating.

It seemed like it was a really warm spring this year. Even though sunset was an hour away, it was still really pleasant. It didn't necessarily even seem cool.

As I approached the card store, I heard my name called out. I turned. Wow. It was Ethan. We hadn't seen each other in months. He was wearing a tank top. He looked gorgeous in it. Man, he was as handsome as ever. We hugged.

"How have you been?" he eagerly asked.

"Good. Good, I suppose."

"I ran into Ricky. He said you were dating some hot stud. Really young."

"Yeah. That sounds like Ricky."

What did I want Ethan to know? Was there anything to hide? Did I need to tell him Trent was in college, and we were briefly on hold? Ugh. Dating a college student seemed so ... so ... what? Was there anything wrong with that?

"Um. Yeah. His name is Trent. Yeah, younger than me."

"Well, you know what that feels like."

"Yeah. Yeah. I'm not one to really get caught up on age and everything. It's just a number."

That was a lie. Our age difference bothered me since we started. Had Trent had some substantial experience maybe it wouldn't have been as much a big deal. But his innocence, his trust, his wide-eyes-entering-the-gay-world outlook made me think I was dating him too soon. Fuck. I hated doubting us, what we had.

"I think it's love," I said.

"Wow."

"And you?"

"Oh no. I've dated a few guys since ... well, us. I'm not sure if I will find the right one. None of them were, so ... still on my own."

"When it's right, it's right. No need to rush it."

Saying that, Trent and I started so fast. But this past month being on a break, I knew it was no longer rushed. I still loved him just as much as the first time we said it to each other.

"I'm ... sorry that the two of us didn't work out. I know we had different needs ... were at different points in our lives. I'm sorry I wasn't the one for you," Ethan said.

"And me you." I looked at Ethan. We had feelings for each other that were still caring. "I do hope you find the right one to make you happy."

All I could think about was Trent. He made me happy. It was nothing I had felt before. The more I talked to Ethan the more I knew I was head over heels for Trent.

"It was good seeing you," he said. He hugged me and kissed me on the cheek.

"Why not come in and help me pick out a card for Theo and Grayson."

He did. As we mulled through the card selection, the two of us chuckled quite a bit. We did have some good times during our relationship. I had fond memories. It was nice to see him.

 

 

[Week Eight]

Trent's birthday was at the end of the week. He had mentioned he was going to see his parents this upcoming weekend. I didn't really have time to schedule anything. He didn't even know I knew when his birthday was.

What was the right thing to do? Lunch? Dinner? Should I ask him to spend the night? This break was to give him space. He had been quieter lately. I hoped that wasn't a bad sign. His texts were simple and certainly not romantic. Bits and pieces about classes. He mentioned Lance from time to time. They seemed to be getting closer.

I immediately felt jealous. That was silly. I had no reason to be. Trent was crushed when he and Lance fooled around early in our relationship. He felt so guilty. I trusted Trent. But did I trust Lance? He was so flirty, but he was also in denial. I could see him having problems unless he figured it out soon.

At the same time, I implied that I wanted Trent to know for sure. What if he wanted to date? Would that make him sure?

Ugh! This distance was killing me. I had to see him Thursday.

 

—

 

We hadn't seen each other since the game. It had been almost two months since we made love. I wanted today to go well.

My heart was pounding. I had taken the day off. I still had several personal days accumulated, and we were nearing the end of school. I knew there was a chance he had made other birthday plans. I just hoped he could squeeze me in.

11:40. Trent would be getting out of his 11 o'clock class soon. I paced back and forth. I knew his schedule. I knew where his Psychology class was held. It seemed silly to be nervous, but I didn't want to miss this day up for him.

The doors opened. Students started stepping into the warm sunlight. Trent squinted. Then he saw me. His expression of delighted confustion elated me. He ran to me. We hugged. We kissed there on the plaza.

"What are you doing here!??" he said in surprise.

I handed him the card.

"Happy birthday, babe," I said.

He looked at me with an expression of shock. "How did you know?"

"A man in love has his ways," I said with a smile.

"Seriously! How did you find out? I never told you."

"When we started the ... break, I was thinking about you at school. I do all the time ..."

He blushed.

"I remember you commenting you'd be 22 by the time you graduated, so I went into the office and went through our records. I was able to find your birthdate, and I made a note of it on my calendar."

"Why aren't you at school? How are you here?"

"One thing I didn't know how to do was get a card to you, so I took a personal day and made sure I was here. Actually, half a day. I taught my first three classes and then rushed here," he explained. "I was hoping I can take you to lunch."

"Yes! Yes. Yes. Yes. Anything."

He hugged me so tightly. It was a boa constrictor hold. A boa constrictor in love.

"It is so good to see you. Thank you."

He was craving pizza. That was fine with me. We both loved to go out for that; it was among our favorites.

He opened the card in the car. It was mushy, but he appreciated it. I had written some words following the greeting:

I think of you every day. Every. Day. And I always will. I love you. Mike

Parma Sean's was full of college students, but we managed to get a table. Prior to the pizza arriving, we were able to catch up.

"I can't believe you took time off just to hand me a card," he said.

"I was worried you might skip classes on your birthday, and you wouldn't be there," I said.

"You know me better than that."

"Yes, I know. But everyone's entitled to a little fun on their birthday. I'm glad it worked out," I smiled.

"Me too. How's school?"

"Good," I said. "You only have three more weeks, I have six. Summer vacation still seems far off."

The pizza arrived. It smelled heavenly. Both our eyes lit up as it was placed before us. We each reached for a slice and made sounds and jerking motions like it was too hot and that we should have waited a minute. It made both of us chuckle.

"Speaking of summer ..." I continued. "Would you be willing to go on a trip with me?"

He gave a look of surprise.

"I mean, IF you want to," I quickly said. "I'm sorry. I'm trying to let you have space so that you're sure you really know what you want ... that you're sure you want to be with me ... and I shouldn't rush you. I'm sorry."

"I love the idea!" he quickly said to put my mind at ease. "Where?"

"Well, I thought we could talk about it and decide together. After graduation, you'll have more free time than me, so we can look into some things at that time."

I sat my pizza down.

"Oh! Before we eat too much, I want to get a picture of us."

I pulled out my phone, we each held up a slice and smiled. I took the selfie.

"That's the first picture of us you've ever taken," he noted.

"Really? I guess you were always the one taking them. Well, I definitely need to do it more."

"Guess who I ran into this week?" he asked.

I didn't answer with my mouth full, but my expression conveyed "Who?"

"Rich came up to me!"

"Riiiich..."

"The guy who gave me a hard time in the locker room. The teammate who mocked me for being gay."

"Uh oh. What happened."

"He totally apologized and wasn't mad for being kicked off the team."

"I didn't know he had been kicked off. You didn't tell me that."

"Yeah. The coach found out and told him it was unacceptable, and he had to sit out a week — which turned out to be our last week. I'm glad we patched things up."

"Yeah," I said, reaching for another slice, not really knowing what else to say.

"Mike, you didn't tell Coach, did you?"

"Me?? No," I said with my mouth full. I swallowed. "Why would you think I did? I don't even know your coach."

"Yeah. I guess. I thought maybe ... I don't know ... you did it to ... look out for me."

"Well, now I feel crappy for not saying something."

He laughed.

"No, no, no. I didn't expect you to," he said. "I just don't know who did."

"Who all saw it?"

"Everyone on the team," he said.

"Hm." I didn't say anything further. Switching topics, I asked, "Have you heard from your mom since ... THE talk?"

"Oh yeah. She asked me to come home for the weekend, and we'd celebrate my birthday then. And she said the words `I love you.' I feel a little better."

"Each day will be easier for both of you," I said.

We finished the pizza, and I told him a few things about my work.

"I hate to say this," he started, "But I do have a 2 o'clock. I'm going to have to head back soon."

"Right, I remember your schedule. I understand. I am SO glad we were able to do this. Before I let you go, I want you to be thinking of something ... I want to get you something for your birthday. I have no idea what. You're graduating, there must be something you need. Or something you wished you had. Think about it and let me know. I want to get you a gift."

"You're already my gift. This time together was fabulous."

"Look at you, throwing around gay lingo."

I drove him back the few blocks closer to his next class. Before he got out of the car, I said, "Seriously, I want to get you something. Think about it."

We kissed each other a few times, then he eventually got out of the car. He was so happy that I came to see him. My fears were all for nothing. It worked out.

 

—

 

It was 6:45. My doorbell rang. It seemed late for a delivery, and I wasn't expecting anyone. I opened the door. A look of surprise overtook my face. It was Trent! Before I could even say anything, Trent blurted out his intentions:

"You said you wanted to get me something for my birthday. I'm hoping you don't have plans tonight because I know what I want. And it's right in there."

Thank God I had no plans. I would certainly have canceled them regardless. I rushed into his arms. We held each other tightly. After a strong bear hug, I pulled him inside. We kissed for two or three minutes.

"Why didn't you tell me you were coming?"

"It was sort of spontaneous. I was just praying that a) you didn't have plans, and b) you wouldn't mind."

"Mind. Please!"

"You said you wanted to give me `something you need' and `something you wished you had.' Both of those things are you," he said sincerely.

"I love you so much," I said, grabbing him again for a hug. "Oh man, I just heated up leftovers. Uhhh ... I can put that back, and we can go out to dinner."

"No, actually Lance took me for a quick dinner before I came over. Please, eat what you heated up. I'll just keep you company."

"Want a glass of wine? A beer?"

"No."

Trent pulled a bottled tea out of the fridge.

"Can I ask you a question? When should you worry that someone is drinking too much?" he asked.

"Do you mean me?" I asked quizzically in return. Did this have something to do with my blackout at Indigo? Jesus, I was such a poor example.

"No, no, no. Tariq, one of my teammates, asked me if I thought Lance was drinking too much. It's college, so ... I don't know. But now, I'm kind of concerned."

I stirred my leftovers I had heated up and brought it to the table. I sat next to him.

"Well, what's your gut feeling?"

"I don't know. I do see him drinking beers often, but ..."

"Is he drunk often?"

"No. At least I haven't seen him that way."

"Has he acted out in anger? Hit anyone that you know of?"

"No."

"Well, be a friend. Keep your eyes open, but don't assume the worst. Yet."

"I guess."

"In three weeks, he has to enter the real world, right?"

Following my leftovers, Trent joined me in a small cup of sorbet. I knew I had a birthday candle in the kitchen somewhere. I found some and put it in his scoop. I sang to him in a silly rapid tone setting down the ridiculous celebratory dessert, but he smiled at my efforts.

I poured myself a glass of wine. Trent finished pouring his tea over some more ice. It made me question if I was drinking too much. We moved to the couch. The sun had set, and twilight could be seen out my window. I lit an aromatic candle on the coffee table, and we placed our glasses aside it. Soon, the room smelled of vanilla. I loved vanilla. I never tired of the fragrance — or the flavor.

Trent looked over at the bookshelf. He noticed the picture of the two of us from when we had dinner at Lawrence Creek.

"Hey, you framed a picture of us!" he said with a smile.

"It has helped me through this ... being on hold. I like seeing you every day."

As the lighting continued to darken, we sat reclined on the couch, him leaning back into my body. My arms were wrapped around him. It was peaceful. It was perfect. We lied still until the sky outside was completely dark. He turned to kiss me. We kissed for several minutes. I needed this so badly. I had missed him so much. I pulled his shirt over his head. My hands started groping his chest. I loved caressing his skin. He unbuttoned my shirt and moved his hands inside to feel my hairy torso.

"Let's move this to the bedroom," I softly said.

As we got undressed, Trent went to take a quick piss. We both took a quick swirl of mouthwash and moved to the bed, already completely naked.

I left the bedroom and returned with the candle and placed it in the bathroom. It reflected off the mirror and gave a slight glimmer of light in the bedroom. The smell of vanilla followed.

As I entered the bed sheets, Trent reached for my erection and sighed feeling my manhood. It had been several weeks.

Our lips returned to each other. Our faces melded with honest passion. Although it had been more than a month since we made love, it seemed familiar, like it was just yesterday. We connected sexually better than any lover I had ever had. I wasn't able to pinpoint why. I just knew we worked. I hoped he felt the same.

As our lips consumed each other's mouths, I softly moaned as he groped my rod.

"Do you want to fuck me for your birthday?" I softly asked.

Trent pondered.

"I was thinking my gift could be you being inside me."

We kissed and groped a little more. I was lying on my back. Trent maneuvered his cock to my mouth where I enthusiastically engulfed it. He gently slid it deep into my throat. Oral sex was one of my strengths, and I swallowed its length. He let his hard-on slowly slide in and out of the warmth of my mouth. I serviced his flesh for a few minutes.

Then he moved off my body to reach down to the drawer where he knew I had lube. He grabbed it and a towel. He saw condoms there too and took one. Using his teeth, he ripped open the packet and pulled it out. He slowly rolled it on my eager erection.

"That's a good man," I said in a husky voice. I wasn't always the best influence on safe sex, so I was glad to see him take charge.

He was going to slick up my sheathed cock, but I moved him back to the bed. Grabbing the bottle, I squeezed a large drip onto my fingers. My touch slid up and down the crack of his ass. I added more to my fingers. My forefinger gently entered his ass. It explored his tunnel, which caused sensations of pleasure. A second finger entered causing Trent to moan. Again, it was gentle. I slid lube around my dick, and I positioned it at the pucker of my lover's ass. Lifting his legs, I tenderly prodded my erection inside him just barely. It went in easily. I pushed in further.

"Ooooooohhh, that feels good," he said. I thought the same thing. Damn, how I had missed this. Trent had awakened my sexually from my gray slumber following Ethan. I enjoyed sex again, and I deliriously loved it with him.

It was a slow rhythm as my cock slid in and out of his hole. The bonding of our masculinity was euphoric. I moaned in pleasure, matching his audible delight. We needed this. Now our cocks demanded this.

"Ohhhhh, Trent. I have missed you so much," I said tenderly.

I thrust my hips forward and fucked him with more force. Trent. My man. My love. My passion.

"Oh, yeah! Fuck me, Mike. Fuck me with your beautiful cock."

Both of us moaned for a couple minutes as my rod continued to drive wild sensations through his body. Trent's fingers roamed through the hair everywhere on my body. Our moans and grunts sounded more like animals than people.

I pulled my erection from his hole and kissed him deeply. Then, my arms gently rolled him to his side. I moved up behind him on my side. My hardened steel worked its way back deep inside him. I groaned in pure pleasure. Gently sliding my tool in and out, I intensely stimulated Trent evidenced by his moaning, and it rippled waves of sexual pleasure through my body.

My arm reached around him. I groped his chest, massaging his pecs and pulling him deeper into my hold. Our bodies were fused with just my dick working like a piston. Both of us moaned, occasionally calling out each other's name. My arm left his chest reaching down to his crotch. I clutched his cock and pulled on it with a manly grip. My stroking brought it back to its full hardness and complete length.

"Ohhh, yeah, Mike. Work my cock. Stroke me."

I shoved my erection harder into his ass. Pounding and pulling, I was in constant motion, growling like a beast.

"Trent, it feels so good inside you. I've needed you so badly. I love fucking you," I whispered. I pushed harder. "Oh, babe, you make my cock so hard. It's throbbing inside you."

My dick felt on fire. His dick all but smoldered.

"Oh, yeah. Keep stroking me. Pull on my cock, Mike. Pull it harder."

My fist gripped his erection tighter, and my stroking increased in vigor. My breathing became incredibly heavy. I panted on his neck. I moaned and groaned just inches from his ear, knowing my ecstasy was doing the same to his ear canal. I was a machine. A sexually ferocious machine.

The two of us were electrified. My erection inside him was stimulated to the max. His cock felt like a branding iron. We were hot both physically and sexually.

"Ohhhh, Mike. It feels so good. Ohhh yeahhhh. Oh honey, my cock feels incredible. You are bringing me so close."

"Yeeeeaah," I growled, continuing to push my meaty organ into his inner depths.

"Mike, oh Mike, oh Mike! I'm so close. Pull my cock harder!"

I yanked and pulled and jerked and tugged. Trent's orgasm was building.

"Mike, you're making me come. I'm going to come. Ohhhhhhh fuck! I'm coming!"

His first spasm sent a stream of liquid across the sheets. I pulled out and rolled him on his back, jerking him harder. The second blast shot midair in the roll. The third launched up his chest. He maintained his screams of pleasure as I made his organ continue to erupt. Over and over he ejaculated on his chest.

"Ohhhh, FUCK!" he yelled when his cock eventually stopped. "Oh, man. Oh, God."

His breathing was so heavy, he almost struggled to catch a breath following the intense orgasm.

As he gasped, I moved one of my legs to the other side of his hips. I now straddled his torso. Ripping the condom off in one hand, I rubbed my hand in his cum and then grasped my cock, jacking it with Trent's sticky liquid. I was pounding it mercilessly.

"Mmmm. Ohhhhh. Trent, I want to come all over you," I said, my face twisted in sexual pleasure.

My eyes were closed. My neck strained as I tilted my head back while my arm jerked my cock feverishly.

"Ohhhhh, babe. I'm getting close. Trent. Ohhhh, Trent!"

My breathing was deep. Anyone walking in would have thought I was hyperventilating — or being murdered. After weeks of us abstaining, I was experiencing a throbbing in my veins I had never felt.

I leaned over Trent and looked down. I moved my cock down into more of his cum, sliding it until slick and then stroked myself to climax holding my body up with one arm.

The first spurt of my climax splashed on the bottom of his chin.

"I'm coming, babe," I said out of breath with each pulse of my orgasm. My cock was a fountain, landing all over Trent. Eventually, the plumbing was shut off. "Fuck yeah!" I whispered, staring into his eyes.

I let go of my cock and rested on both arms, stiffened to hold myself above him. We looked into each other's faces. A smile crossed each of us. I relaxed my arms lowering my body to kiss him. Our chests pressed together mingling the cum of both our orgasms into a single layer of adhesive.

He wrapped his arms around me. We kissed for quite a while.

"Happy birthday, Trent. I love you so much," I said.

"This is exactly what I wanted."

My hands gently touched each side of his face. His arms around me pulled me tighter to him. We were one.

"If we stay this way much longer, we may be permanently glued together," I said.

"I can think of worse fates."

"You know what is totally great?"

"What?" he replied.

"We need to shower, which lets me feel your whole body all over again."

His smile turned into a chuckle.

I got out of the bed and started the shower. I came back and grabbed the towel next to me and wiped my chest. Then I fondled his cock with the towel and wiped his body. He got out of bed and looked down at the tangled bedding.

"Hmm. I guess I should help you change the sheets."

"Were you planning to stay the night?" I asked.

"I packed a bag in case that was a possibility."

"Then we can change the sheets. If you were leaving, I think I might have allowed myself to sleep amid the lube and cum everywhere."

"You're twisted," he said to me with a wry smile. "Which I love."

In the shower we didn't say a lot. Our hands cleaned and rinsed each other. We were playful enough to cause our dicks to get fairly hard again. The last few minutes we just held each other in the spray. I felt like we were dancing, gently swaying to unheard music.

Following the shower, he told me that if he stayed, he would have to get up rather early to make it back to campus. I understood. He put on a pair of my boxers and one of my T-shirts. I went to the closet to grab new sheets. I put on a robe, and we made the bed.

Trent snuck out to his car in a half-dressed manner and brought in his bag.

"Is it okay if I write a bit before going to bed?"

"Sure, fine," I replied.

I didn't realize he meant his journal that I had given. This caused me great joy. I'm sure he saw me smile. I let him sit at the table in privacy, and I went back to the bedroom. I moved the candle next to the bed. As Trent wrote, I hoped it was about the incredible intimacy we had just experienced.

As he wrote, I dozed off a bit. It wasn't a deep sleep. I was vaguely aware when he came to bed.

I reached out for him to recline against me chest.

"Can I tell you something, Trent?"

"Of course," he answered without looking at me.

"There was a tiny part of me that was scared," I started. "I fell in love with you so fast. After all these weeks not being together, I was worried that it wouldn't feel the same. I was terrified that ... `we' ... were just a whirlwind crush. The separation only made me long for you more, not less. Everything about you that made me fall for you ... was just emphasized while we were — or are — apart. You make me happy, Trent."

He placed his head back on my shoulder.

"I can relate to that. I probably felt it both ways."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well, I wondered if I would feel the same, but after all this time, I was scared you might not feel the same about me, that you might be over me."

My arms pulled him tight into my body.

"I'm so glad you came tonight. Happy birthday, babe. I love you."

"I love you, too," he returned.

I blew out the candle and we feel asleep in each other's arms.

 

 

[Week Nine]

I had two more hours of exchange time to accrue before the school year ended. Professional development hours ranged from productive to a waste of time. Most everyone from the English department were at this one. We received an assortment of goodies for attending. Pens, a tiny notebook, bookmarks, post-it pads and highlighters.

Project and assignment ideas weren't too bad. I wrote a few down on the post-it notepad. I planned to try them in the next school year.

I started fidgeting with the pens and tiny notebook. Before I knew it, I had written Trent's name in the notebook. I didn't realize I had even done it. I remember thinking it was cute. Then I saw his name. How long had he been on my mind?

That was a laugh. He was always on my mind.

 

—

 

Trent had asked me to meet his friends for lunch. I felt this was a good sign we were going to make it. He was getting close to graduation, and we still included each other in our own lives enough, even though we had stepped away from being a couple, at least physically. Those rare moments in which we saw each other were a godsend.

But this was kind of awkward. I had seen most of his teammates on the court, but I didn't know any of them. Except Lance. Lance. Enormous Dick Lance. Whose enormous dick was in my mouth mere minutes after meeting him in a shower. Who was I that day??! I still fear getting fired, but if we make it to Summer Break, at least that goes away for a while. Maybe.

Parma Sean's was Trent's favorite hangout. I pulled into the parking lot shortly after noon. As I entered, I could see a group of college kids gathered around a long table. Even though they were young men (along with a few girlfriends), they were young men. I felt 50.

Trent saw me and his face burst into a smile. I'm sure mine did too seeing that reaction. I could feel my heart beating faster just seeing him. Plus I was nervous. He came over and hugged me.

Some of the gentlemen were drinking beer. Trent had a Diet Coke. With the season over, he was still taking care of himself. I saw Lance. He had put on a few pounds. Trent had mentioned he had seen him drink more lately. Trent clinked his drink with a knife to get everyone's attention.

"I want to introduce someone to most of you," he said to the group. "A few of you know Mike, but before I have to say goodbye to so many of you, it would mean something to me for you to know how special this man is to me. Mike is my ... boyfriend. And yes, the two of us are well aware that he is older than me."

I felt 60. There were a few chuckles. I noticed a couple of What-the-fuck? looks. Admittedly, the two of us knew our age difference and didn't ignore it.

"I really didn't let you all know `the whole me' before a few weeks ago. Mike and I have known each other for several years. We reconnected a few months ago, and he helped me come to terms and accept who I am. We didn't expect to, but ... we fell for each other. We've done a good job of waiting until I'm done with school, but ... he has helped me a lot. He's made a huge difference in my life. At the beginning of this semester, I was ... I was a mess. I didn't know how to accept who I was. Mike helped me. I just needed a friend to talk to, but he turned out to be 10 times more than that. All of you have been great about accepting ... me ... the past few weeks. The real me. I am very grateful. And ... I'm proud that I feel so confident that I can introduce him to you. Everyone, this is Mike."

"Hi, Mike," the group said.

Trent was so incredibly brave. He'd been out barely two months and introduced his friends to his authentic self. I noticed he avoided using the word "gay." He steered around that. But it was all obvious. I had taught at Jerome Hopkins for eight years and a whopping two people knew I was gay. At least, that is what I assumed. Trent had such courage. I was proud of him. I gave him a simple hug.

Still, I felt like a spotlight was shining on me.

A few friends introduced themselves to me. Awkward as it was, I could at least comment on a few of the games the team had played. I think they appreciated that. I just knew I did not fit into this group at all. I felt 70.

"Mike, you look like you are in front of a firing squad," Lance said, coming up to me.

"Is it that bad?" I asked.

"You don't know a lot of people here. Is it okay if I sit next to you and Trent?"

"Please."

Matt and Ali came to talk to me. I remembered they were the longtime friends of Trent's getting married in the fall. We made pleasant chitchat about it.

"I hope you can come," they told me.

Wow. Not only did they not know me much at all, but they clearly saw a future for Trent and me. Wow. I was grateful his friends thought that. That felt nice.

"Hello everyone!"

"Coach!" the team members called out.

"I'm sorry I can't stay, but I wanted to pop in a couple minutes and say some hellos. Unfortunately, it is a lot of goodbyes as well."

Trent's coach went around the table. Most of the players gave him a hug. A couple of them had brought girlfriends, and the coach was introduced to them. I wasn't sure if Trent would introduce me as such. It was a sports coach, after all.

"Coach, I need to introduce someone. This is Mike. He's my ... we're a couple. I wanted you to know how important he is to me."

Wow. Trent did it.

"I actually came to a few games this spring. You did a great job with this team," I said with sincerity.

"Thanks. Your Trent was a real superstar at the end."

That surprised me. "Your Trent." Here was this coach being introduced to a gay guy dating a member of his team. Clearly, I am much older. He didn't so much as bat an eye at that. I was impressed.

"Take care of him," he said to me, shaking my hand.

Coach gave a final wave to the group just as the pizza was being served. The team made him take a slice on the way out. He did so with a smile and laugh.

As always, the pizza was good. When Trent moves off campus, Parma Sean's would most likely no longer be close. Would he continue to come to it? Where would Trent go? It started to sink in. Trent was about to graduate in a week. We had been putting our relationship on hold until he graduated. I was worried he would be "over me" or forget about me. We had navigated that well, but ... Trent could very easily move away. Why had I not thought that far? I'd only seen as far as May. It bothered me that I was so short-sighted. It bothered me that I might lose him.

I tried to remain engaged and polite as we all ate. However, I was taken over by unease.

I decided to leave shortly thereafter.

"Nice meeting you, everyone," I said, excusing myself.

Trent stood up next to me. Before I left, he gave me a simple kiss. Trent was so fucking brave. I was such a fucking coward. A few of his teammates smiled at him, so it wasn't a big deal.

I waved as I exited. I thought I heard Tariq's girlfriend say, "You two are so cute together."

Yes, we were. The college student and the 80-year-old man.

The drive to my house was 15 minutes. Anxiety had managed to overtake me in that short time. I remembered having a panic attack at the lake with Trent. I knew I was causing his life to go off track; we had to put things on pause. But now ... just when we think we can pull it back together ... what if I lose him?!

An hour later, Trent texted me:

"I'm sorry to embarrass you today. You really took it in stride. Don't hate me. You're so important to me, I wanted to show you to the world. Now I have to bear down on these last two tests."

A heart emoji was added.

My breath became shallow. I couldn't bear to lose him.

 

—

 

I had brought home the small blank notebook from the teacher's workshop. I had doodled Trent on the front page. I didn't want to leave it on my desk, although no one was ever bound to see it.

I was so certain Trent was the one. I knew if we did things right, we could make it.

But why was I so damn sure? Ethan and I started out great. But that went off course. If I'm so certain that Trent and I are meant for each other, I should be able to list the reasons, right?

Before going to bed, I had listed ten reasons why I thought we worked. It filled my heart with warmth. All my fears of losing him had been replaced.

I rolled on my side and drifted off.

 

[Week Ten]

Trent was graduating today. I wanted to be there. The graduation ceremony wasn't restricted. Palmer Hall was huge.

It was about 25 minutes before things were to begin. As I entered, I saw Karen Longfellow. She had been one of my best English Lit students I had ever had. Her senior year was extraordinary. I enjoyed visiting with her for a few minutes. She totally beamed seeing me. Those simple moments mean the world to a teacher.

There were 48 rows for the graduates. Long rows. I looked for a couple of minutes before I found Trent. I walked toward him. I had a shirt on that I thought made me look sexy. As he was at mental crossroads the next few days, I wanted to make sure he could see me as a vital part of his future.

"You're here?" he called out with eyes so wide.

"Where else would I be today? I'm so happy for you."

We hugged. Before we could say anything else, Trent's parents walked up. I immediately felt him stiffen. While he was comfortable being out to his friends, his father didn't know. He had told his mother he was gay, but she didn't know his boyfriend was me.

"Professor Terry! How nice to see you," his father said.

"Did you come just for Trent?" Mrs. Kyriazi asked.

"Well, kind of, but I have two other former students graduating as well."

"Aren't you nice! And so dressed up too. You look very handsome, Mr. Terry."

"Please, call me Mike," I awkwardly said.

This put Trent in an uncomfortable position. I felt for him.

"Oh! Would you like to sit with us? That would be lovely," she offered.

I absolutely would not. Ohhhh, that's such a bad idea. I didn't like it.

"Uh. I ... I guess I could."

Trent saw me being smothered in kindness and tried to conceal a smile, but I knew he was still nervous.

"Mr. Ter ... Mike, we are having a party for Trent afterward if you'd like to come."

Then Trent panicked.

"Wha ... what??" he gasped in a kneejerk reaction. "Mom, I'm sure Mi ... Mr. Terry ... Mike doesn't want to drive an hour over to Toomerville for my party."

"Well, I suppose that's true. But you'd certainly be welcome."

People started to fill in, so we headed into the stands to take our seats. I pulled out my phone.

"Wasn't that all sorts of fun," I texted and added a smiley emoji.

We waved when we found their seats. I saw two more students near the front that I had formerly taught. I excused myself for a moment and quickly darted to say hello. Jessica Adams and Wendy Abercrombie squealed when they saw me. We hugged. We only had a minute, but I was glad I could congratulate them.

Soon I returned to Trent's parents. As I sat down, Mrs. Kyriazi patted my sleeve.

Things started fairly quickly, so I didn't have to engage in much small talk. We just noted the size of the crowd.

I probably listened to the keynote address less than the student body did. I just stared at Trent. It was here. We made it. We didn't have to be apart anymore. Unless. He once joked "What if I move to Paris?" What IF he moved to Paris? Or New York? Or even Von or McQueen. Even being an hour away would be tricky. He would most likely live with his parents probably. Toomerville is only 45 minutes, but ... that's still a drive to make a relationship work. I couldn't help but be both optimistic and a harbinger of doom.

I loved him. I was confident he loved me. It was all in the hands of fate now. I was committed to making it work. We rushed into things so fast. Inviting him to live with me is the same mistake Ethan and I had made, although the financial entanglements wouldn't be there. I wanted to do this right. We needed to make sure we didn't mess it up. I just didn't have the answers.

I was awakened from my ponderings when it was time to cheer for Trent as he crossed the stage. His parents and I giggled after we screamed as loud as we could. I could hear his teammates from the floor do the same.

Once it was over, I felt it would be too strange to go back down and see Trent again. His parents would question. I said my goodbyes. However, they insisted, and I went down to give Trent one last hug. It was a long one.

I texted him to let him know I was proud of him.

As if I wasn't every day.

 

—

 

By the time I went to bed last night, I had my lesson plans written for next week. This morning I just filled them out to the conclusion of the school year. That last week was a bit penciled in, but it was always hell. I hated trying to keep the students engaged when the school year was in its last days.

I took a run before lunch. I was going to text Trent that he had been influential. I think he would like that. It wasn't that I liked doing it. Running still wasn't "me," but I liked feeling better about myself, and if Trent and I were going to be a couple, I needed to commit. Plus, if it kept a pound off here or there, I wanted to look good for him.

I showered and warmed a simple bowl of soup.

I had one last set of papers to grade. I texted Trent of my run and then sat down to accomplish this last task.

Three were left when he called. It was just after 2.

"Hey," he said when I answered.

"Well, hello there, graduate. How does it feel to now be finished?" I said with a smile.

"Phenomenal. It's awesome. What are your plans today?" he asked.

"Pretty open. I was hoping you'd call."

"Are you at home?"

"Yes. I think I should be around most of the day."

"Good," he replied. "Open the front door."

Huh? I got up from the dining room table and opened the front door. Trent hung up. I saw him standing there, and a huge smile crossed my face. My arms reached out and grabbed him, pulling him inside, practically lifting him off his feet. We kissed for a few minutes.

"Why didn't you tell me you were coming over?"

"To be honest, I needed to work up my courage," he said.

"What? Courage? What's wrong, babe?"

"Can we sit down?" I said.

"Uh oh," I replied. "That doesn't sound good."

I asked if he wanted something to drink. He shook his head. He went and sat on the couch. I grabbed my iced coffee and joined him.

"What is it?" I asked.

He took a deep breath.

"Two months ago, ..." he began, "You said we had moved too fast. I agree. We had. I was struggling managing my time at school, particularly with basketball going on. You were feeling awkward about sleeping with a college student. More importantly, you were also worried that I had rushed into an immediate relationship with you and that I hadn't had a chance to know if ... this ... us ... is what I truly wanted. You told me if we could hold off until graduation and I still felt the same way to come find you."

I was worried. Anxiety flooded my nervous system.

"Right," I said softly.

"This is me. Coming to find you. You. If after two months you still feel I am the right fit and that you still want me, then ... I want us to start up again. I love you. I love you so much. My feelings for you have never wavered in these two months. I just missed you day in and day out. If you'll have me, I'm yours."

My eyes welled.

"Stay here," I said.

I had placed the tiny notebook in my bowl of keepsakes. I went to the bedroom to get it.

"Every now and then, at a conference or a workshop, I'm given either writing pads or note pads. I received this little blank book at one. I thought it was cute, it was quite small. I found it last week. With you about to graduate, I knew we would eventually make the call if we wanted to resume everything. I figured I should be able to come up with reasons why we work. I wanted to find 10 reasons why we should be together. Here."

I handed Trent the tiny book. He briefly examined it. There couldn't have been more than 20 small pages in it.

1.       Trent makes me feel young. He has caused me to shake off feelings that I had fallen into a rut. An old rut.

2.       Trent makes me run. I am taking better care of myself.

3.       He's new to being gay. I'm eager to help guide him through the harder challenges.

4.       I need someone to share my life with, and he seems perfect. I don't wish to be alone. I love sharing everything with Trent.

5.       The sex is off the charts. We seem to be on the same page. It's hot.

6.       I believe in his talents and want to encourage him and be a source of support. I believe he can really go places.

7.       We like the same kind of pizza. What could be more critical?

8.       I find him incredibly handsome. He's beautiful both on the outside and the inside. He makes me feel the same.

9.       He's taken care of me when I need it. He shows a maturity that bridges our age difference.

10.   I love him. I love him. I completely love him. If he loves me too, then we are right for each other.

After reading the pages, he thumbed back through them a moment, then he looked back up at me. A tear went down my cheek. His eyes watered.

"You just answered number 10," I said.

We both cried for a moment, and then we kissed. We kissed for a long time.

"It's been two months," he said. "We have fixated on our age difference. I worried you would realize I was too young for you. You are really sure I can be the partner you need?"

"I know you are. Every week — every day — you weren't in my arms, I felt as if something was missing."

I paused. Then I led him to the couch.

"Trent, I ... I know we want to let go of the age difference. With you out of college, I feel you are completely an adult on your own. But I know — and this is the only time I will mention this — you just came out three months ago. I have been amazed with your strength and your growth in your journey, but are YOU sure I'm the one? Can you be sure you won't want someone closer to your age? I mean, I'm the only one you've been with."

I saw a change in Trent's expression.

"Mike, that's not exactly true."

"Oh? Oh."

"I don't want to hide this from you. When we put us on pause, I know you felt it important for me to be sure. I knew I was in love with you at that time, at that moment. But ... I had sex with someone else since then. I ... I'm sorry. I was ..."

I stood up and walked to the window. Trent stopped talking. As I stared through the glass, I tried to process what I was feeling. Picturing Trent having sex with someone else was a javelin in my heart. At the same time, these were the situations I knew he would face. Was it cheating if I gave him the space to find out what he wanted? He was young. He was in college. He was just accepting who he was. He had to be tempted. And constantly approached. He had to figure out his own way. Not that it made it hurt any less.

"Okay. I understand."

"You do?"

"Trent, you are a beautiful man. It shouldn't come as a surprise. Many men will want you."

"I ... I wasn't really looking for ..."

"You don't have to explain. I understand. I'll be honest, it pains me — kills me — to think of you in the arms of another man, but ... it is understandable," I said, still looking out the window. "It was all so new to you. It's natural for you to want other experiences."

For several seconds, neither of us said anything.

"I need to come clean," he said.

"You don't have to tell me anything further."

"I do," he said. "It was Lance. We ..."

I turned. "Oh!" My expression lightened. "I was there, remember?" My face grimaced. "Ugh. What a mistake."

"No, Mike. It was a few weeks ago. Lance and I have become extremely close friends."

"I know. I see that. I'm half jealous, half envious."

"As we got closer, the sexual tension was really building, particularly for him. One night, I just needed it out of my system. I needed to be sure. You kept saying I didn't have any experience with people my age and ... and ... I just got it off my plate."

"I see." How could I compete with sex with Lance?

"It was really ... really hot sex."

A machete joined the javelin in my heart. I could never compete with Lance. "Oh."

"But when we were done, I had the biggest smile. It wasn't because of the hot sex, but the fact that after the hot sex, I knew I loved you. Only you. I didn't feel the desire to ever be with anyone other than you. Even with the great sex, I didn't want to do it with Lance — or anyone — again."

I put my hand on his leg.

"I know that doesn't make any sense," he continued. "When I say it out loud, it sounds ridiculous, but ..."

Trent's eyes welled. He worried he had screwed it all up. Had he? I tried to wrap my head around what he said. He loved me ... but ... sexual tension. I knew what that was like. Things build up. You don't realize it is there. That fucking insane experience in the locker room shower between the three of us... I had so much pent up sexual demand. I was an idiot. I wasn't in a position to judge.

I sat quietly for another minute. Trent grabbed my hand and squeezed it. I heard him sniff back an initial tear.

"Trent, I understand."

"Huh? You do?"

"I do. It's hard, but I ... I was asking a lot from you."

"No, you weren't. You were looking out for me. You let me finish my classes."

"When I gave you space, I knew it was a possibility, as hard as the thoughts of you exploring were to take. I ... I'm okay."

"Really? You can forgive me?"

"Yes. I can forgive this. The fact that it is Lance makes it easier."

"Why?"

"Well, I saw you fuck him that first time, remember?"

"Yeah. I guess."

"Your friendship is so strong. And lord knows ... that dick. How could you not want it?" I chuckled. "But more than that ... he means something to you. You care about him. You worry about him."

"I do," he said nodding. "But I love YOU, Mike. I'm in love with you."

"And I feel that. I don't doubt that. Had it been some random hookup, I think that would have been harder."

"When it was over, I told Lance we could never do it again. I just ... wanted to be sure. God, that sounds lame. I just needed to sort out my feelings. They were just ... building. I needed to know."

"And you are sure?" I asked. "I don't want to start this if you aren't."

"I am. I totally am. I love you, Mike. More than anything, I love you. Only you. Completely you. YOU."

I pulled him into my body. "Then it's you and me, babe. I feel the same. Let's make each other happy."

He melted into my chest. As we held each other, I realized we had both overcome our first hurdle. We sat quietly for a few minutes.

"He didn't fuck you, did he?"

"Oh no. Only you get to do that. Plus, with that dick ... ow! Not happening."

"It's much more than what I have," I said sheepishly.

"Oh, please. His is ... what? Maybe fun to play with. Your cock is perfect for sucking and fucking."

"It's nothing like that though."

"It's a part of the man I love. It's exactly what I want. Your penis is beautiful." He smiled. "As are you."

We went back to holding each other. He leaned into my body. I wrapped my arms around him.

"I have something for you in the car," he said, leaning up.

He went outside. I was confused. He came in with a bag.

"You just graduated. Why are you bringing me a gift?"

He opened the bag. He pulled out all of my boxer shorts he had accumulated wearing each time he left my place. I laughed. In all honesty, I adored seeing him in my boxers.

"You know I missed these while you had them," I said sarcastically.

"Here," he said handing me a small package.

I opened it. Upon revealing the content, I laughed out loud. It was a package of new boxers.

"The better part is I bought a package for myself," he said. "You may think it is lame — or nauseating — but I love that we will have matching boxers."

I moved in to kiss him.

"It's adorable. And romantic. And very you — clever, cute and sexy."

We stretched out on the couch. Wrapping ourselves in each other's arms, we kissed for some time.

"I love you so much, Trent," I said.

"I love you too. I am so happy we can be together again."

I removed his shirt. My hands gripped and felt his chest. I was thrilled every time my hands touched his skin. He unbuttoned my shirt. His hands felt my hairy chest. We each hummed a little as our hands roamed over our bodies as we kissed.

My hand moved to his crotch. I felt his dick was hard through the fabric of his shorts.

"Oh yeah. I missed that," I breathed into his ear. "Let's go to the bedroom."

We headed that direction. Before he could even start to take anything off, I sat at the end of the bed and pulled him to me. My hands slid into the waistband of his shorts. My face pressed into his crotch, nuzzling the erection lurking within. My fingers fumbled for the button and zipper. Grabbing both shorts and briefs, I pulled them down, releasing his cock to spring out into the open.

"Oh yeah," I said in a breathy rasp.

My mouth engulfed his anatomy. As I consumed every inch of his flesh, he stepped out of his clothes. My hands clutched his ass cheeks, and I pulled him closer as his cock fucked my throat. He groaned as he received my oral service.

"My cock has missed you, Mike."

"And I missed it," I returned.

I quickly disrobed. Naked, both of us pulled back the covers. We crawled into the bed and kissed again, groping and feeling all sides of each other. Our pleading moans conveyed how much we had longed to reunite. He felt my ass in his hands. He grabbed my hard-on, and I groaned in approval. His upper body dove for my groin, taking the length of my organ into his waiting mouth. I called out.

"Oh yeah. Trent! Babe! Oh yes."

He sucked my enlarged cock, teasing every inch playfully with his tongue. In the past months, Trent had become even better. I grabbed his legs and pulled his lower body toward my face. I lowered my head and returned to providing him with the blow job I had started. We hummed in pleasure as we sucked each other's hardened flesh. We loved on each of our erections for several minutes. Slurping sounded messy as we sucked harder. We groaned loudly. Both of us wanted this. In this 69 position, we continued to lick and suck and taste. He squeezed my ass cheek, slightly shoving my pole deeper in his throat. He almost gagged but managed to take every inch.

I pulled away. I propped a pillow against the headboard and lied on my back.

"Come up here," I directed.

He straddled my chest and moved his crotch to my face. I lifted his cock to first lick his balls. I had longed for Trent these past weeks. I needed to taste him in his entirety. My tongue toyed with his testicles before I took them inside my mouth. The wet warmth lubricated his balls as my tongue roamed around the sac in which they hung. I then pushed his crotch back so that I could place his dick back into my throat. He began thrusting his hips, fucking my face. He moaned. I moaned. It was heaven. His hands wrapped around my head, and he ran his fingers through my hair. I loved that. It seemed impossible to turn me on any further, but he did. My lust was in overdrive.

My right hand reached down to grab my own dick, and I began to masturbate while I consumed Trent's manliness. I jerked my cock powerfully. He pushed harder into me, and I took it. He was deep into my mouth. His dick slid in and out with slippery ease. Trent's breathing was heavy, and he gasped for breath as he neared his climax.

"Oh, hon', I needed you bad. You are so awesome with my cock. I love how you suck it. Keep sucking me," he cooed.

Jerking my manhood vibrated the two of us like a motor. I moaned. Trent just called out vowel sounds. Our bodies began to develop a glistening sheen as our temperatures continued to climb.

"Mike, this feels so good. Oh man, I'm so close."

I pounded harder. I wanted to come with him. He announced his oncoming orgasm as he felt it build within his genitals.

"I'm close, hon'. I'm about to come, Mike," he called out.

My body was a jackhammer.

"I'm coming!"

His orgasm was unloading. I growled as the fire of his cum hit my throat. That took me to the edge. I exploded. My first stream was a powerhouse, forcing its way through my shaft and launching through the air. It didn't hit my chest, so I knew it struck Trent's ass, as he continued to unload in my throat. We both groaned together. The climax was intense for both of us. I continued to consume him as we both pumped contained rapture from our reddened erections. I was layered in cum. Our orgasms continued to be loud for a long moment. Eventually, our cocks were still. They had finished. Trent pulled his organ from my face. We panted and gasped for air following our dual climax. It took a moment for our breathing to return to normal.

"Oh my God," I said, gasping for oxygen.

He crawled lower so that he could lick some of the cum from my chest. I found that so hot. Then he moved up to my face. Our tongues shared it and we kissed for a while. It was hot. We were hot.

We held each other with our faces merged.

"I missed you so much," I whispered. "I love you, Trent."

As we lay side-by-side, we held hands, then we playfully fondled each other's dicks. We breathed in silence.

As much as it hurt that he had sex with Lance last month, I knew he was mine now. He had given himself to me. I won.

"Oh babe. We can do this whenever we feel like it," I said to him.

"I know," he responded as he let go of my cock to run two of his fingers through the cum on my chest. It smeared into the hair on my torso, matting all things masculine together.

He got out of bed to get a warm washcloth. He returned a minute later and cleaned the cum from my body. When he was done, he tossed the washcloth to the bathroom floor. He stood at the side of the bed and looked at me. We were together. We were truly "us" again. I felt good about the future. For now, at least. He continued to look into my eyes.

"What are you looking at?" I asked as he stared down at me.

"The most beautiful man I could ever hope to fall in love with."

I grabbed his arm and pulled him on top of me. My arms wrapped around Trent and squeezed him tightly. As we kissed, our cocks were pressed against each other again. They were reunited. We were reunited. We continued to kiss; today felt like we hadn't seen each other in years. We. Were. Us.

He slid to my side, but our arms were still entangled. He placed his head on my shoulder. We lied still. Ten minutes later, we were both asleep.

 

—

 

A barking dog woke both of us from the nap more than an hour later. Our arms found each other again. So did our eyes. Then our lips.

"How wonderful to wake up and find you next to me," I said.

Neither of us had any desire to get out of bed. Holding each other was the day's greatest gift.

After a few minutes of peaceful calm, he broke the silence.

"My mother knows it's you," he said.

I jolted upright as sirens ran through my skeleton.

"You told her?"

"Actually, she figured it out on her own."

"What? How??"

"The shirt you wore to the graduation was the same one you loaned me for the play. She started putting pieces together. She asked me last night. I confirmed it."

"Aaaaaand...? How does she feel about ... us? Us being a couple?"

"She had lots of questions. We talked for quite a while. I think we'll need to give her some time. I mean, she loves YOU. But I think she feels you're too old for me."

"That's not a surprise. It shouldn't be. In time, hopefully she will see that we are a perfect fit for each other."

I kissed him again deeply, letting him know I had no doubts. We didn't let up. We kissed for several minutes.

"Wait. Does your dad know?" I said pulling back.

"No. I haven't told him. He did see you at one of my games. I guess he had told Mom. That was one of the clues when she started thinking about all the things connecting us."

I let out a big sigh. "Oh, babe. I so want this to go smoothly for us. We knew we'd have to face this hurdle at some point. Do you want me to talk to your mother?"

"At this point, I don't think so. But maybe eventually. I will let her know you're willing to talk."

"Does she know you are here — with me — right now?"

"If she has half a brain, she does. I just said I was going out and would text if I wasn't going to be home for dinner. I suppose I should text. Should I attach a photo of the two of us lying naked together?"

"Yeah, see how that flies," I flatly answered. "Let's not."

"I guess I'll let her know that I'll come home for dinner. Is that okay?"

"Of course, babe. We have our whole lives in front of us."

He texted his mother and then got dressed. Then he walked to my dresser and saw the little book sitting in a bowl.

"Do you mind if ... if I keep this?"

I came up and held him from behind. Still naked.

"Is it okay if I say `no'? See this bowl? It holds things that are special to me. If I ever feel like the world is getting overwhelming, I come back to this bowl, and these are things that remind me that I have what I need in life to be happy. If things seem too crazy, I know I'll be just fine. And ... you make me feel calm."

I kissed the back of his neck. As long as I had Trent, I knew I would find calm. I no longer felt alone.

"So, that's why I want to keep ... you ... in there. You keep me happy. The world is crazy enough. You help ground me."

He turned to kiss me. He let one hand slide down my hairy chest to feel my dick one last time before he left. I knew it wasn't Lance's. It wasn't big, but Trent didn't care. My dick was now his, attached to the body, mind and soul of the man who loved him with all his heart. He leaned over and gave it a quick peck.

"I should go."

"Before you do, I do have something in the bowl for you," I said, reaching in.

I handed him a key.

"I'm not sure what your plans are for the next few months, but I want you to have a key. We'll take things gradually, but I want you to feel welcome here. It will be your second home."

"I don't know what to say," he said, looking at the key.

"You already said it. It's Number 10."

Our lives were just beginning.

 

* * * *

 

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