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Meeting No. 40 December 6

"Hi, I'm Richard. I'm an alcoholic."

"Hi Richard," the group replied.

"Well, it's the holiday season. This is the fourth year without my wife. I thought it would get easier, but it isn't. She passed the day after Thanksgiving four years ago. We had been married 37 years. Most people love the holidays, but they aren't happy times for everyone. I used to enjoy watching her decorate. She loved Christmas. When she died, I had just pulled the tree down from the attic. It stayed in the box that whole December. I didn't put it away. It just sat there. Maybe I thought putting it away would make me forget about her. Maybe deep down I just wanted to think that she would somehow come out of the bedroom and want to work at putting it up."

Richard paused. We could tell he was picturing his wife.

"Putting that box away was the toughest thing I ever did. It was harder than the funeral. I knew Christmas could never be the same. My drinking that December doubled. Easily. Then the new year came. I didn't get better. I just drank more. My coworkers tried to be sympathetic, but they knew they had reached their limits of what they could do. I was encouraged to take early retirement. That woke me up.

"I've been sober for more than three years now. But every December, it's tough. I can't say I'm not tempted to take a few drinks to numb the pain. I still feel the loss at Christmastime more than any other time. Even our anniversary. I don't even know how to respond when someone tells me `Merry Christmas' anymore. For those of you of faith, please say a prayer for me. This month is so hard.

"Thank you."

The group clapped.

Wow. I hated to think of that. Losing someone is tough, but around the holidays had to be brutal. I'm so excited to celebrate the holidays with Jakob. This is our first Christmas together. Poor Richard. What a total emotional reversal about holidays. I realized they aren't always happy for everyone.

"Hi, I'm Cooper. I'm an alcoholic."

"Hi, Cooper," the group replied.

"I didn't get to spend Thanksgiving with my son. That was tough. I did see him that weekend. It was `my' weekend. But he gets to spend Christmas Eve with me. Even Christmas morning. Mitch has already bought him a present. Santa Mitchell. The past months have really been an obstacle course, but I'm proud to have made it through them completely sober. I feel like my decisions are now made level-headed, even when they are difficult. Thank heavens Mitch has been understanding.

"I'm trying to be a good dad. It seems like every day I find one more thing to where Corey has to deal with something because he parents split. I know that isn't rare, but ... when it's your kid, you just want the best for them.

"Thank you."

The group clapped.

Someone else got up. I thought I had seen him once before, but I had never heard him share.

"Hi." He paused. He looked scared. "I – I – I'm Perry. I'm ... I'm ... um ... an alcoholic."

My thoughts flashed to my first AA meetings. I held Trent's hand so tightly at that first very one. I had to attend, the court order and everything. I guess the judge saw my age and knew I was on a bad path. Bless him. I was so nervous though. I could barely admit I was gay at that time, yet I held Trent's hand like it was the only thing keeping me from being swept away in the current. I didn't care if people saw. I could see that same fear and uncertainty in Perry's expression.

"I'm also ... well, I guess you could say I'm fat. Because I am fat. People are too kind nowadays to use that word. It's `overweight,' `extra pounds' and ... ugh, `plump.' I'm fat. I have been since high school. I started putting on the weight when I got my first job, and my paychecks went toward burgers, fries and soda. I was loving the independence.

Then college was worse. Parties. I learned to love beer. Then shots. I developed a taste for all things alcoholic. Expect wine, I guess. None of my friends really drank wine. But that's about it. Here's a tip. Alcohol has calories."

A few members chuckled.

"On my 30th birthday, I thought I would make a firm decision to lose some weight. And then I said that on New Year's Day. I'm now 32. I don't think I've lost a pound in three years. I never tried. Instead, I just had another drink to forget about it. I'd just put it behind me for a day, you know? And ... and ..." Perry whimpered and teared up. "I ... that ... I just put on more weight. Which made me more depressed, so I drank more. I'm amazed I still have my job. I am not as productive as the others, part due to being hungover and part just being slower than them. I don't like myself much. But ..." He took a deep breath. "I've made it two weeks. I'm brave enough to stand up here. And since giving it all up, I've actually lost three pounds in the last two weeks. So ... that's it."

"Thank you."

The group gave Perry a really nice clap.

Just as the meeting ended, I darted over to Perry to let him know I appreciated his share and commended him on his courage. I asked him to come meet me at my gym sometime next week. He balked at that saying he would look horrible among those fit people. I pressed him into agreeing to come just take a look. He was fearful, but I thought he felt comforted that someone took an interest in him. We set a specific time. I then asked him to join our group for coffee. While the gesture was appreciated, he said he could get a 30-minute walk in at the mall before heading home. I congratulated him on his choice.

As I put away chairs, I asked Richard if he'd like to join us for coffee. Both Jakob and Cooper agreed some company might be nice.

"That's nice of you gentlemen. Are you sure I won't be intruding?"

"It's just coffee. We typically go out for a little bit after meetings," I said.

"I'd like that," he said softly.

"Just so you know, the three of us are gay if you didn't have that figured out."

"I know. I don't care about that. I'm too old for any of you to hit on me."

We laughed at his joke.

The four of us enjoyed a beverage. The three of them got a coffee of some sort. As it was December, I had shifted from my raspberry teas to hot chocolate. Calories be damned.

"Tell us about your wife, Richard," Cooper offered.

Richard talked for 30 minutes. None of us cared that he dominated the conversation. We could tell it was therapeutic to talk. He enjoyed remembering her.

"What Christmas traditions did you have?" Jakob asked.

"Oh, several," said Richard. "We liked driving around looking at lights."

We all smiled.

"It's dark now. Would you like to do that this evening?" Cooper asked.

"Oh, goodness. I've taken up too much of your time. That's not necessary."

"I'd actually like that," Jakob said.

I agreed. City Lights was a drive-through Christmas display. You paid by car. The three of us split the cost. Richard was displeased by not pitching in, but we wanted it to be our treat.

As we drove through, Richard smiled at all of the displays, sharing what he thought was unique about each. His favorite moment was the archway that formed a tunnel. It was the finale. Overall, the experience lasted almost 30 minutes at a slow crawl.

As we returned to the center, Richard was smiling. Following his share, we thought that was a sign of a successful evening.

"Thank you, boys, for sharing the evening with me. It was lovely. An old guy like me doesn't get out as much. This was just right for me."

"You're not old," I said. "But we enjoyed sharing our time with you. Thanks for joining us."

We headed to our cars. Jakob walked back over to Richard. I couldn't hear what he said. Richard gave him a hug.

"What did you say?" I asked when he came back.

"I knew he had a picture of his wife displayed in the house somewhere. I encouraged him to sit down in front of it and share with his wife his favorite light displays. He thought it was a nice idea."

"It was, babe. Maybe you just helped bring a bit of brightness back to his holiday season. He needs to feel like he can share it again."

Back at my apartment, I found Evan home. I had still not talked to him about Jakob and what I would like to happen at the end of the month. He didn't really seem to be paying attention to the television.

"How deep are you into this?" I asked.

"Oh, not really. Just background noise mostly. Did you want to watch something else?" I shook my head. He turned the television off. "Is something wrong?"

"No. I have just been wanting to talk to you about something. But I'm not sure the right way to do it."

"Uh oh. That sounds bad," he said, putting everything down.

"It's not bad. I just don't like doing it."

"Jakob has Trent's apartment for three more weeks, then he has to leave."

"Yeah. I seem to recall that."

"Well, ... I don't want him to have to find low-incoming housing. He can't afford to be on his own."

"I see."

"I love him. I want to live with him. And ... I want ... I hope ... I would like to have him move in with us here."

"Oh! Oh, okay."

"I feel like I am pressuring you into something you may not want."

Evan laughed. I looked at him oddly. I shrugged at his actions.

"No, please," he smiled. "Seriously, dude. I thought you were going to ask me to move out or tell me you were moving out. I'm okay with Jakob here."

I was so relieved. I exhaled almost audibly.

"You are? It's another person living here. That alone sort of invades space."

"Oh heck, he's over here enough. I'm used to that. If it were a total stranger, yeah, I'd probably have reservations. But you know I like Jakob. More importantly, I wouldn't want him in an uncomfortable place. Most importantly, you two love each other. You should be together."

"It saves you money, too."

Evan looked confused.

"Why? It's still two bedrooms. You have one, I have one."

"Oh no. No, no, no. It's only fair. The three of us share the place, so rent is divided by thirds. We would insist on that."

"Then I get a raise!" We smiled. "Jakob is okay with me being here?"

"Well, I haven't actually approached him yet. I was going to talk to you first. If you were against it, then I had some hard decisions. You've just made everything easy. Thank you, thank you, Evan."

We hugged. As cousins, we were close when we were little. We drifted a bit during our high school years. The two of us had changed as adults, particularly me. I now liked Evan more than ever.

"I do have two requests — ground rules kind of," he said.

"Oh?"

"One: No nudity. You two can't walk around naked."

I grinned.

"After seeing your dick, it depressed me."

 

It was November during my senior year at the campus. Zach and Cole were nice roommates. Oddly, we didn't do a lot together. On occasion, if we were there together, we might head over to the cafeteria. Overall, we were simply roommates.

We usually didn't get up at the same time. Zach was up first. He had an 8 o'clock class every day. For some reason, we all got up fairly early that day in November. Zach came out the bathroom, and I headed into the shower next. When I came out, Zach was completely dressed and ready to head out. He happened to glance at me. He paused a moment and then said, "Goodbye."

I was completely naked with the towel wrapped around my shoulder. Cole looked at me. When I turned to look at him, he darted his eyes away.

After that, I never really thought about being naked in our bedroom. It wasn't a conscious effort. When I was there with either of my roommates, I noticed an occasional glance. Actually, Cole made obvious attempts to stare at my body without staring at my body.

Before we left for Christmas break, I happened to notice condoms in his drawer. He had talked to us about having a girlfriend. It made me wonder if he used condoms for a boyfriend instead. Cole looked at me quite a bit — when he had the opportunity. Once, my cock started to get hard. I wasn't fully erect, but my dick started to lift away from just hanging down my crotch. Cole looked at it. I suddenly felt weird about getting hard in front of him and turned. I had to wonder if he was gay.

The two of us were brushing our hair one evening. He had a date; I had just returned from practice. As we were in the bathroom grooming, he said, randomly, "Sorry if you saw me looking at your dick this morning."

"Uh. Okay."

"You're a lucky bastard."

"It's just a dick."

"That's what someone says when they don't know what it's like to NOT be hung. Be grateful. Your dick depresses me."

 

"And two: loud lovemaking should take place when I'm not home."

I laughed. "Sure. Deal."

I was so thankful this roommate situation with Evan worked out. I would talk to Jakob about it tomorrow. My world suddenly seemed open to new possibilities. The new year, assuming Jakob accepted my offer, would be a huge leap for us. I was excited. A tiny bit of me worried cohabitation would cause us to find faults with each other, but ... Fuck that. We loved each other.

 

—

 

"Can I spend the night tonight?" I texted Jakob.

We tried not to call each other at work. Texting usually took care of it.

"Sure. You just spent last night too. How am I getting so lucky?" He added a smiley emoji.

"I just want to see you."

I really didn't want to get into the whole moving in together discussion via texts. At the same time, just leaving things hanging seemed a bit odd.

He called me at lunchtime.

"Can I cook us dinner?" he asked.

"Um. Sure. That would be nice."

"I get off at 3, so I'll get us something. How about 6 o'clock?"

"That works. Want me to pick up anything?"

"Nah. I'll be fine. I'll see you then, angel."

I was convinced this talk would go well. We stayed at each other's places enough. He liked Evan. Evan liked him. He couldn't have wanted to move to a smaller, drabber place. Could he? What if he didn't want to share a place with Evan? What if he didn't want to move in with me? What if being on his own was what he really liked? What if he thought it was too fast? Too much? Too presumptuous?

I was spiraling out of control. I needed to calm down.

 

—

 

Jakob let me in around 6:05. We greeted with a kiss and a hug. I could already smell things cooking. Then I looked at the room.

"Holy crap, Jakob! How did this all happen since this morning?"

He had a Christmas arrangement on both the coffee table and the kitchen table. The shelves between the living room and kitchen were completely decorated with gifts, ornaments, candles and garland.

"How is this possible?"

"When I got off, I stopped in at the thrift store, Target and then the grocery store. I felt I wanted to be in the Christmas mood. I picked up an extra shift last week specifically to earn extra money to decorate the apartment. I could justify it that way. Richard inspired me some too."

"It looks great. Festive. Christmassy. This looks like a lot."

"Well, I had saved a few small boxes from QT, so a lot of the decoration right here is simply just wrapped empty boxes."

"It works. You really have an amazing talent for making places look nice. And dinner, by the way, smells great."

"Baked chicken with a black cherry balsamic vinegar glaze."

I pulled him into my arms and kissed him.

"You are an amazing man, Jakob Morgan." He blushed.

Dinner tasted as incredible as it smelled. It was a lovely meal. I didn't bring up the conversation. I figured we'd get food out of the way. It was weird that I felt nervous about something I felt so positively about. I was panicking like I was proposing marriage. But in a way, moving in together felt like that.

We cleaned dishes, and then carried our glasses to the living room. Jakob lit a Christmas candle. It was scented with pine and spiced apple.

"I made us sugar free chocolate pudding with fresh bananas in it for dessert. Later. That should be pretty guilt free."

"You and Evan are the best things for my weight."

Jakob reached for the TV remote. I took it from him and set it aside. He looked confused.

"I want to talk first."

He looked worried.

"I want to talk about Evan. About us."

He looked petrified.

"Angel? What's going on?"

"We're three weeks away from you having to move out of here," I started.

"I know," he said solemnly.

"What thoughts have you given to that?"

"Probably not enough. I guess I can talk to Gerard to see what options the shelter might have in assisting me. I've kind of kept my ears open at work hoping to hear of someone who might need a roommate, but I haven't really picked up on anything. I don't know. I'm sure my family is still not an option."

"I have an option," I said.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." I grabbed his hand. "I love you. I love us together. I want you to move in with me. It's a bit fast, but we've been seeing each other for almost five months. It will be by the end of the year. I'd like us to be together every day. What would you think about moving in with me?"

He looked a little dumbfounded. I couldn't read whether he was thrilled or hesitant. Or both.

"Lance, you have a roommate. You have Evan."

"We talked last night. He is okay with you moving in. I wouldn't be asking him to leave. With the three of us splitting rent, I figured you could handle that much. It would be a tad less than what you are paying Trent on your own."

"I – I don't – know ... what to say."

Then Jakob tackled me on the couch.

"Yes! I love it. I love Evan. I love you. I love the whole idea. Yes! Lance, angel, yes!"

We laughed and kissed and hugged.

"I have no concerns that the two of us can be considerate of Evan and making sure he has his space. We'd be there all the time, so we should make some effort to give him some time to himself or to have Kristy over."

"Sure."

"And he also said we couldn't walk around naked and have loud sex while he is at home."

"Hmm. Then we better take care of that right now."

"Babe, it's not even 8 yet."

"And your point is ...?"

Twenty minutes later, Jakob screamed my name as he pumped his cum into my ass. My cherry lubed ass. We were on our sides. I was jerking my hard cock as he pounded my butt. It only took another minute for me to call out in my orgasm. I rolled onto my back; Jakob had moved in front of me and licked my balls as my erection spasmed shot after shot of white ropes of cum on my chest.

"It's not even 9, baby. What would you like to do now?"

"I think we should walk around the apartment naked," Jakob smiled. "While it is still legal and everything."

I laughed.

But we did. He went to get dessert and we ate it sitting on the couch. Naked. He turned on the TV. We watched a sitcom. Naked. He grabbed a throw pillow and put it on my genitals, laying his head on it stretching out on the couch. Naked. I liked his head on my lap. I let my fingernails gently scratch his back. He moaned at that. My hand moved to the front and teased the hair on his chest. I moaned at that. Jakob turned on his back and looked up at me. Naked. I looked down at him. We just smiled at each other.

"God, I love you," he said. Naked.

I reached for his dick. I played with it. I still found it adorable. He got up and took our bowls to the kitchen. Hitting the lights, he made the room completely dark. Only streetlights shone through the windows. Returning to the couch, he stretched back out, now pulling the pillow away. He buried his head into my crotch. The pillow had hid the fact that I was hard again.

Jakob pulled my balls gently with his teeth. Teasing them. Nuzzling them. Licking them.

I got harder. I had just come in bed a mere hour ago. I was surprised I was so aroused again. I chalked it up to being in love. I was. The thought of us living together had overwhelmed me.

I started thinking about moving plans when I felt his mouth slip over my cock. It was a gentle blowjob. Tender. Affectionate. My fingers rubbed his soft hair. I had never had sex twice in one night. I didn't know if he would carry it all the way to orgasm.

He took his mouth off my cock and lifted his body to kiss me. I guessed he was just being playful.

"Think you are up to fucking me?"

I guessed wrong.

We both worked at getting off a second time tonight. With lots of perseverance, volume, grunting and varying positions, the two of us found our breath and speech quickening. His legs were spread apart. I was thrusting into his hole forcefully as my body leaned over him. Jakob was furiously stroking his hard-on.

"I'm about to come," we both said at the same time.

I groaned as my stiffened penis throbbed inside him. He moaned as a light load of cum oozed out of his cock. Our faces were inches from each other. I groaned as I felt my dick ejaculate inside him. I moved in for a deep, passionate kiss, my dick still deep inside his inner passage. We breathed deeply, staring into each other's faces in the dark. We smiled at each other.

"I love you, angel," he softly said. "I'm so happy to move in with you soon."

My penis was still inside him. We kissed for minutes.

"I suppose I should take my cock out of your ass."

It was no longer hard but was always long.

"What's your rush?" he said moving in for another kiss. "I like you in me. I feel connected."

I stayed inside him as we kissed for several more minutes.

It had been quite a while. I slowly withdrew my flesh from his.

"Way back when, your cock used to depress me," he said. "I knew mine would never be like that. Now I feel like it is all for me. And it makes me feel good."

"It's just a dick. But, yes, Jakob, it's all just for you. Only you."

 

* * * *

 

Look for a blog post called "Evan" at timothylane414stories.blogspot.com

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