If you are reading this as I am posting them, this is the first of two Christmas chapters: Lance and Jakob. I hope you like it.
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Meeting
No. 45 December 23
"Hi, I'm Ophelia, and I'm an alcoholic."
"Hi, Ophelia," the group replied.
"Well, I just love, love, love my job. Thanks to Lance, I've
found a place I really look forward to working. My boss and I really click, and
the little extra money has helped with Christmas presents. I was done shopping
two weeks ago, but I still find little things for my daughter."
O and I smiled at each other. She gave me the wink.
"The better news is that my husband is allowing my daughter
to stay with me Christmas Eve and Christmas morning. I have to have her back by
lunch on Christmas but having her on those special days will be a dream. Last
week when he dropped her off, my ex told me I looked nice. In fact, "You look
beautiful" is what he said. Boy, did those words sound nice to hear. So I have
to say this year is ending well for me. I've made great gains. I hope everyone
has a nice holiday.
"Thank you."
The group clapped.
"Hi, I'm Jakob. I'm an alcoholic."
"Hi Jakob," the group replied.
"Well, I don't know if I should say I have to move
next week or get to move next week. It will be my fifth place this year
if you count a park bench. You'd think I would be used to moving. But it
never gets easy by any means.
"This one though. This one. I don't need any Christmas gifts
this year. I got the biggest one of all. The fact that I've been able to fall
in love for the first time and now to move in ... this move, it's special."
We smiled huge smiles at each other. Occasionally I
would get scared that all this lovey-dovey euphoria would eventually subside.
How well would we navigate the change when the luster of new love lost its
shine? We were taking the leap, so I guess we would soon find out. All the
advice of newcomers not dating until they were firm in their sobriety would
soon offer its biggest test. Deep in my heart, I knew we were up to it.
"It's a big commitment. And if I can say so, a big
responsibility. I'm going to try my hardest to be the ideal roommate. The most
loving boyfriend. The nicest friend. The biggest Christmas gift is I have not
felt judged this past half year. He's seen all my dark places ... my past ... and
he has stayed with me the whole time. He's there at my side."
I nodded.
"It's been a year of very lows and very highs. What a
blessing to say it is ending on an incredible high. I feel grateful.
"Thank you."
The group clapped.
Our group was smaller tonight. Most likely owing to the
holidays. Chairs were in a circle, not rows. Ophelia was the only one of our
typical coffee group in attendance. It was okay that we couldn't go out because
she was preparing for her daughter's arrival tomorrow. Jakob and I hugged her,
wishing her "Merry Christmas." We said we loved her and kissed her on the
cheek. We had something special in mind. We had dinner plans with Mike and
Trent. Our schedules had not allowed us to go out together in a while, and we
were looking forward to it.
515 East was a well-established restaurant that had been
around for many decades. It was one of the nicer places in town. Not quite
Lawrence Creek, but still nice enough that we went to dinner a bit more dressed
up than usual. Jakob had purchased one nice shirt red for Christmas to wear
tonight but would also wear it to meet his family.
Mike and Trent wore ties. I rarely ever see Trent in a tie.
They looked sharp. I simply had a long sleeve shirt on. We hung our coats on
the backs of our chairs.
"You two look very handsome," Jakob said.
They thanked him as they opened the menus. All four of us
looked over our options. I knew Jakob would be weighing the occasion with the
cost of some of the entrees. We had discussed that we would each pay for our
own, even though I offered. He had picked up extra hours on Christmas Day, so
he felt he could splurge a touch.
"What are your Christmas plans?" Mike asked us.
"Ugh. Sadly, I have chosen to work on Christmas Day," Jakob
said.
"It's killing me," I said.
"I know. But it has its advantages. It's double time. Plus I
took extra hours so others could be with family. And by doing this, I was
approved to take a few days off next week. I will be ready to move out, and I
can enjoy the two days at the lake house with you all. It's a sacrifice, but
it's worth it."
"Killing me," I interjected. "I offered to stay here with him.
I wanted to."
"I refused. He needs to be with family. He will come back
Christmas night and we'll share that together. We're about to move in with each
other. We'll have plenty of time to get on each other's nerves."
Mike and Trent chuckled.
The waiter took our order. I ordered the pork chops. Mike chose
a filet. Trent ordered the coconut mahi, and Jakob opted for teriyaki chicken.
"However," Jakob continued. "Both of us are going to my
family's house tomorrow for lunch."
"That's HUGE!" Trent screamed, suddenly getting embarrassed
by his volume.
"It is," Jakob said. "Since Thanksgiving, I talk to my
brother and sister every few days. Keaton and I have really reconnected. He's
not crazy about the gay thing but misses us being brothers. We're in a pretty good
place. I think with Mom and Teresa, they formed a united front to make Dad
accept the idea of us coming over. It started with meeting out for dinner, and
Mom said Christmas is about being home."
"Have you told them you are moving in together?" Trent asked.
"I have not really brought it up. But is it really any
different? He's screwing my brains out anyway. Is being in the same apartment
different than being in different apartments?"
We all laughed.
Trent and Mike discussed their plans.
Our salads arrived.
"I'm so looking forward to all of us being at the lake
house," Trent said. "Jakob, I'm so glad you could get off."
"Me too."
"The fact that all four of us could be off is great.
Mike, of course, gets two weeks off for the holidays," Trent said.
"And your promotion starts with January, correct?" I asked
Trent.
"Right. I'm excited."
Trent was taking on a new role at the station: producer. He
lucked into being at the right place at the right time. To land that while so
young, he's fortunate. The station has taken a liking to him though; he's done
good work. Plus, we're not talking a Los Angeles station here. Jackson Bend is
what it is.
Conversation remained light and enjoyable throughout dinner.
When our meals arrived, Trent had the server take a picture of the four of us.
We declined dessert. Everyone felt they had eaten enough,
not to mention the holidays the next two days would be delivering a truckload
of calories. After the server cleared the table, Trent excused himself. He
returned a moment later with a gift bag.
"For you two. From us," he said.
We were caught off-guard.
"What's this? We've never said anything about gifts."
"It's not much. Really. As you guys prepare to move in
together, we just wanted to get you a little something."
Two things were taller in the tissue. We pulled them out.
Jakob and I each held a framed picture. One was of Jakob and I, the other one
was of the four of us.
"They are from Friendsgiving!" Jakob smiled. "I barely
remember us taking these."
"We thought it might go in your place to remind you of good
times," Mike said.
"Absolutely," I concurred.
Further in the tissue were two rolled-up soft items. We
pulled them out. They were matching pajamas.
"Aww," Jakob said, holding it to his chest.
"That's probably really a gift for Evan," I joked.
"At the bottom are some massage oils. We thought they can
make certain romantic nights even more special," Trent said.
"You guys. This is so sweet," I said. "I feel bad. We don't
have anything for you."
"Nor did we expect anything." Mike smiled at us. "We're just
happy for you both."
The server came and handed the bill and Mike's credit card
to him.
"Wait. What happened? You don't need to get ours," I
insisted.
"We're happy to do it," Mike said.
"Jakob helped out so much at Friendsgiving. We needed to do
something," Trent said. Jakob blushed at the generous gesture.
As we gathered at our cars, we hugged. Trent and I being
Trent and I told each other we loved each other. Christmas wishes were given
all around.
"Good luck with your family tomorrow," Trent said to Jakob.
"Fingers crossed."
We felt blessed to have such good friends.
I awoke first. I went into Jakob's bathroom to pee. I
crawled back into the sheets eager to snuggle back up to him with the winter
nip in the air, despite the heat being on. My body pressed to his. His skin was
still warm from being under the covers all night. I wrapped my arm around him.
My fingers gently felt the hair on his chest.
I could feel him trying to press back into me even harder. I
kissed the back of his neck.
"Morning, babe."
He mumbled something. I couldn't tell what he said.
I reached down to hold his penis. He was not hard this
morning. I gripped his dick and balls in my hand and gently caressed them. Our
feet pressed together. I curled my toes over his.
We lay still for 30 more minutes, content to not have to get
up to go to work. Jakob was actually working an afternoon shift. 3 to 10 today
and 10 to 8 Christmas Day. That sucked. But for this moment, it was just the
two of us merged together.
We moved around the apartment in our new pajamas the guys
gave us, just for kicks. Some men would just gag to be wearing matching
clothes. We got off on it.
Lunch was scheduled for noon, so we made sure we were ready
by 11:30.
The radio was on in the car. I liked classic rock. Ozzy
Osbourne's song, "Mama, I'm Coming Home," came on. The lyrics were really
hitting home with me. Jakob's body language was slightly awkward. I could tell
he was uncomfortable hearing the words that were being sung.
"Can we put on some Christmas music?" he quietly asked.
We arrived at Jakob's parents' house 10 minutes early. He
didn't seem nervous. I was scared as hell. He had made great inroads with his
family, but I could still see his father being a total dick. But we were
invited, so that was most likely a good sign. Hopefully, there would be no
argument. It was Christmastime after all.
The car doors shut quietly, but his mother was waiting at
the door. Mrs. Morgan let us in. She gave both of us a hug and wished us Merry
Christmas. Teresa came over and did the same.
I didn't think Keaton liked me, but he walked up and shook
my hand first. We offered a pleasant Merry Christmas to each other. Keaton then
hugged Jakob, which was nice to see.
Mr. Morgan was not in the room.
The house looked very old-fashioned. It had some simple
garland and lights hung above an entryway, a few inexpensive decorations and a
very traditional looking Christmas tree. Nothing amazing, but certainly homey
and capturing the essence of the season.
Mrs. Morgan called for her husband. He came out, neither
smiling nor frowning. He just came out. The two of us went over to shake hands.
Again, we offered "Merry Christmas." He nodded but said nothing.
We all gathered around the dining room table. After being
seated, everyone reached to hold hands for the blessing. I held Jakob's and
Teresa's. Mr. Morgan gave a simple but nice prayer about the food, family and
the meaning of the holiday.
Conversation was light: the potential for any snow, who was
the worst gift wrapper, the kids remembering seeing Rudolph on television when
they were little, checkout lines at the store. Thankfully, nothing was
combative or tense.
The meal was by no means a Christmas dinner, nor was it
meant to be. It was fried chicken, potato salad, green beans, glazed carrots
and a delicious slice of apple pie with ice cream. All of it was tasty. I made
sure to compliment his mother that I enjoyed all of it. She smiled at my
remarks.
The men went to the living room while the ladies cleaned up.
I felt horribly chauvinistic in going along with that.
To make me feel included, they asked about my family and
what our plans were. I explained that it was fairly simple, but I hated that
Jakob had to work and couldn't join me.
Jakob wrote down my apartment's address. He let everyone
know that he was moving in with me next week.
Oooo. Was that going to be a time bomb?
"I'll see if the ladies need help," I said, thinking of a
reason to excuse myself.
I watched from the kitchen. Nothing looked like an argument.
There was discussion. No smiles, but no argument. I enjoyed talking to the
ladies, but still kept an ear out for anything loud. Each time I glanced at the
living room, I wondered if the ladies thought all my side looks made me appear
to be a spy.
The weather was brisk, but not overly cold. After dishes
were done, Jakob and I went for a walk with his siblings.
"Everything okay?" I whispered to him.
"Yeah."
Teresa asked more about my parents. I told her they both
were lawyers. I said my mother fell in love with Jakob at Thanksgiving.
"Our mom sure likes you," Teresa said back.
"That's good. I don't want to be any cause for trouble."
"Lance, don't take this wrong,
because you seem to be a very nice person," Keaton started. Jakob gave him a
look of "What the fuck are you about to say?" I gave Keaton my full attention.
"Dad is very strict. When he asked Jakob to leave 10 years ago, he made it
sound like Jakob was choosing to do so. He convinced us that Jakob was choosing
to be gay, choosing that life over family, and it was his choice to turn his
back on it and come back to the family."
"But ... you can't just turn your back on it. It's like
turning your back on the color of your skin. It's who you are. I didn't fully
accept that about myself until this year," I said.
"I was young," Teresa said. "I didn't understand hardly any
of it. But now ... after college ... I had gay friends in college. I get that you
don't choose to be gay."
"At the same time, no one says you have to engage in
homosexuality even if you are," Keaton said.
"Okay, hey," said Jakob. "I feel weird about you all talking
about me. I'm right here."
We all smiled.
"Sorry, babe."
"While ago, Dad said I shouldn't live with you and that I
should turn my back on that lifestyle. I told him a lifestyle was one's taste
in furniture and how often you eat out. Being gay wasn't a lifestyle."
I chuckled.
"I told him that I was simply gay, and it was how God made
me. Then he said what Keaton just did. I should turn my back on sin. He said he
understood I didn't choose this which was a huge step for him. When I asked
him if he felt I should live a bitter and lonely life, if that was what he felt
was right, then I would not only not be able to love anyone but wouldn't be
worthy of being loved. I asked him if he felt I was worthy. He didn't have an
answer. I could tell he was thinking about it."
"I did," Keaton said. "All along again Lance, no offense
I felt like even though I know you didn't choose to be gay that you could still
choose not to embrace it. But your question hit me hard."
"Why?" I asked.
"Everyone should feel they are worthy of being loved. No
parent should ever say to their child that they aren't."
"Dad didn't say that," Jakob said.
"It's implied," Teresa said.
"He has a lot to think about. That's his issue though. I'm
not taking it on."
"Can I ask a question?" I said.
They all nodded.
"How have things been since Thanksgiving. I mean, we just
showed up. After almost ten years. Now Jakob and me were invited to lunch.
How are things in the house?"
"I'm not here," Keaton said. "I haven't really seen them
since you were here at Thanksgiving."
"Mom has asserted herself. She never got over Jakob being
asked to leave. She was worried sick all the time, wondering if he was okay,"
Teresa said. "When she saw him last month, she kind of put her foot down. She's
never forgiven herself for Jakob leaving. She's not losing Jakob again. Dad was
a bit adamant, but she didn't budge. She rarely stands up for herself, but it
was nice to see her do so."
"Good for her," Jakob said.
"No matter how awful I feel about them pushing Jakob out
and what they pushed him into up to that point, they did a good job raising
him," I said.
"Why do you say that?" Jakob asked me.
"Because you are kind, you are honest, you are patient, you
are caring. Even with all the crap you had to endure the abuse you are
still an incredible person. All those years of hell didn't change you. They
should have. They would have me. You're such an amazing person."
"See why I love him?" he said.
"That and he's handsome," said Teresa.
I rolled my eyes.
"His family has money, and I always tell him he could have
any guy he wants, but for some reason, he chose someone down on his luck like
me. I couldn't be more fortunate. He was my lifeline."
"Funny. I think the same of you," I said.
"Okay, enough talk about ME."
Jakob started singing a Christmas carol. Teresa joined in. I
can't sing so I sure didn't jump in. Keaton didn't either. As the two of them
kept singing, Keaton held my arm, pulling us back a few steps.
"I'm sure you think our family is terrible. I'm sorry we
come off that way."
"Actually, I don't think that. Well, I still can't fathom
how parents can kick a child to the streets and Jakob has amazingly looked
past that, I have no idea how but otherwise, you all seem fairly normal."
"Thanks. But probably not so much. This past month has been
good for Mom. I can tell a difference. Even over the phone. She's happier, more
assertive. The loss of Jakob killed her. I'm very grateful that you brought him
back to us. I still don't get the whole gay thing sorry but I feel I have
more of an understanding."
"Above anything else, gay people are ... people. They have
feelings just like everyone does. They deserve respect, love and understanding,
just like anyone else on the earth."
I momentarily shocked myself. It sounded like I had such
sage wisdom on homosexuality when in fact I avoided it and ran from it up to
this past summer. I had grown. Jakob had helped me grow and be more
understanding and accepting.
"It shames me that I could ever think otherwise," Keaton
replied. "Again, my brain doesn't wrap itself around the whole gay world, but I
know you make Jakob happy. I'm glad you found each other. I'm glad our family
is back together again."
"A little bit at least."
"You did that, Lance. I will always be grateful," Keaton
said.
Steve and I hadn't slept together since last fall. It was
our rookie year on the basketball team. We had only fooled around those two
nights. I'm not sure if he was embarrassed about not being able to take my cock
in his ass or what. We just played basketball and avoided each other's glances.
It was odd. But we were only fooling around back then.
Everyone in the locker room was talking about spring break.
Pretty much everyone on campus was heading home after their final class on
Friday. Both Steve and I mentioned we weren't leaving until Sunday morning.
He caught me outside following practice.
"My roommates will be gone. Any interest in sleeping over
again on Friday?"
"Really? I figured you didn't like it after the last time."
"I was a bit embarrassed. I figured you thought I was a
loser."
"Heck, no. I figured I had just fucked it up."
The next night I showed up at his dorm room. The cafeteria
was closed that night. We grabbed a burger at Jake's. I had thrown a few things
in a small bag for overnight. We watched The Empire Strikes Back on TV.
We were both Star Wars fans and had seen it multiple times. We agreed it was
the best of the bunch.
Steve put a pillow on my lap and reclined on the couch, his
head resting on my crotch. I loved it. I let my arm rest on his chest. I hadn't
really shown affection to another guy outside of anything sexual. My hand just
rubbed his chest gently.
After a few minutes, he reached up and held my hand. This
was new. I always had said I was just having fun with other guys. It was just
getting off, that's all. But this was new. We weren't getting off. We just held
hands for a little while. It made me a little nervous, but I found it ... nice.
Steve was wearing shorts. I could tell he was sporting a
hard-on underneath.
"Bed?" I asked after the movie ended.
"Yeah."
I ducked into the bathroom to take a leak and brush my
teeth. Steve did the same.
We started undressing. We were completely nude. He reached
for my cock. I loved his touch on it. I reached for his erection, which jutted
upward from his crotch. It was like a crowbar.
Steve hit the lights, and we moved into his bed. I still
felt shy and awkward even though we had done this before. His hand pulled my
shoulder closer, and we kissed. We inched closer to each other. Even though we
lay on our sides, our dicks poked each other.
He rolled onto his back, and I moved on top of him. As we
kissed, we started grinding our cocks into the other's body. Our breathing was
heavy.
I sat up as much as I could with my head touching the upper
bunk above. I grabbed our two cocks and groped them together.
"Oh. Nice," he moaned.
"I know it didn't work last time, but ... how about if I try
fucking you?" Steve proposed.
"Oh, I don't know. I I'm not really gay. I just ... you
know ... think it's fun to get off with a friend. I'm not sure about that."
"It feels pretty great."
"Yeah?"
"Totally. I'd love for you to feel me inside you."
A few minutes later, Steve had pulled a bottle of lube from
a drawer and got his towel from the locker room. It was still slightly damp.
He lubed up a finger and slowly slipped it into my crevice.
It penetrated my hole. I jolted, but relaxed. This was all unfamiliar. My brain
tried to process all the feelings. I liked it. He let it roam inside me. Two
fingers entered. Soon I was moaning at this stimulation.
"Ready for me?"
"I think so. Take my virgin ass, man."
He spread lube all around his cock and let the head slip
inside my hole.
"Oh!" I called out.
"Relax. Breathe."
I inhaled and exhaled. It felt better. He moved another
inch or two inside. That was okay. He pushed all the way in. It felt good.
Steve let his body weight lie on top of me. He moved in and
out of my ass, thrusting his rod into me as far as he could. It didn't have
much rhythm, but my ass was loving it. I was being stimulated in a way I had
never felt before. I couldn't help but groan and grunt as his hips pushed his
iron flesh into my insides.
Steve came quickly. Within a few minutes, he announced he
was coming and pushed his dick quite hard into my hole. He rammed it in and
then froze. I knew his cock was unloading his semen inside me. It wasn't until
that moment that I thought about safe sex. We weren't safe at all. I hoped it
was okay. He let his full weight collapse on me again. He kissed the back of my
neck.
He rolled off and I turned on my back. I reached for my
cock at the same time he did. We both wrapped our hands around it and felt it.
I let him take over. He jerked my stiffened meat for several minutes. I growled
at the pleasure. He smiled at me when I made noise. I figured he enjoyed
knowing he was pleasuring me. I moaned deeply from my diaphragm. He could tell
by my moans I was getting close.
"Are you about to come?"
"Yeah."
"Come on my face."
We clumsily altered our positions. My cock was just below
his chin. I worked it for another minute and soon started shooting cum on his face
with loud groans. I could tell some went up to his forehead, but a lot went
into his mouth and on his tongue. He was audibly pleased. I noticed the first
shot had hit the wall. Most of it was just Steve's cheek and mouth. One last
grunt and I was done. I exhaled heavily.
I dropped back down on the bed; my energy was spent. I
rested next to him and just panted until I breathed normally.
We cleaned up and kissed for another minute.
I lay there and teased the bit of chest hair he had. I
wished I would grow some on my chest soon.
He rolled over to hold me. I liked that. Being held felt
nice.
"I should tell you something," Steve said. "I AM gay."
"Yeah?"
"Someone back home has been trying to hook up with me.
We're old friends. I didn't really think I was gay, so I resisted. But ...
tonight ... us ... I know I am. Why deny it?"
"Oh."
Steve reached for my penis and gently held it.
"I'm glad we did this. Now I know. You did that, Lance. I
will always be grateful."
"Really, Lance, I'm grateful," Keaton said.
"Now if we can get your father to be."
We laughed and caught up with the singers.
"Lance, please tell me you're not crying."
"I'm not."
"Right, that's just sweat pouring from your eyes."
"I don't want to leave you."
"We've been apart from each other for days every week."
"I can't help it, Jakob. It's our first Christmas, and I
don't get to share it with you."
He hugged me.
"You romantic lug. You're very sweet. I will see you
tomorrow night. Think of it as not spending Christmas morning together but
getting ready to share all of next year together."
"That's a good way to think of it," I sniffed.
"Please tell your parents I miss seeing them, though."
"I know they'll miss you."
I kissed him, then held him in my arms.
"I love you," I said.
"Love you back, angel."
"I'll text when I get there."
The drive was depressing. For it being the Christmas season,
it all just sucked. While it was true that seeing my family would be good, I
couldn't get over the sadness that Jakob would not be a part of it. The
loneliness of the drive had me questioning everything. We had only been a couple
for less than five months. How did I feel love this deeply? Was it because he
was my first love? That couldn't be it, because I loved Trent before him, but
we weren't ever a couple. Did I just like the idea of being in love? On paper,
we really do come from different worlds, so why was it working out so well? Why
was I so bent out of shape for not spending Christmas with him? Was he a crutch
of some kind? Were we moving in with each other too fast?
Fuck all that.
I'm happy. I'm deeply in love with the man. Why would I
question anything? It's not wrong to want to spend time with the person you
love.
I pulled in front of the house just about dinner time. When
I walked through the front door, the smells of food cooking filled the house.
"Smells good!" I said, closing the door. "Merry Christmas!"
"Lance!" Dad jumped up and hugged me.
Mom came out of the kitchen and did the same. She was
wearing an apron. I wished them both Merry Christmas.
Oliver walked in from his room and gave me a clumsy
one-armed hug.
"Happy holidays, man," he said.
"Likewise."
"So where's the boyfriend? With his family?"
"Working actually. We had lunch with them today."
"Oh, that's nice," Mom said.
"Apparently things are better with his family then," Dad
remarked.
"Getting there."
"What does that all mean?" my brother asked.
I sat Oliver down. Mom went back to the kitchen. Dad sat
across the room. I told my brother Jakob's full story. The family, the bad
friends, the abuse, and then I hesitated to tell them about the homeless part.
Oliver could be very judgmental. He seemed to be listening intently, so I dove
in. I completed the story about the shelter and his move from it.
"Whoa. That's harsh," Oliver said, curiously without any
snarky comment.
"The good news for me is that he moves in with me next
week. I'm over the moon."
"Wonderful!" Dad said. "I assume Evan was on board with
everything."
"Yes. Very supportive. When I started the discussion, he
thought I was going to ask him to move out. It all worked out great."
"Particularly for your boyfriend," Oliver said. "What a
dramatic change for him from the beginning of the year to the end."
"Completely. Even for me! But nothing nearly as dramatic as
what he's gone through. He's really a survivor."
"I'm impressed that everything didn't harden him over the
years. He's so kind," Dad said.
"And caring ... and patient ... and loving."
"Okay, spare us the loving stuff," Oliver said.
"I wasn't going there."
"But," Oliver said. "I miss him not
being here. He was wicked at cards."
We chuckled. I went in to see if I could help Mom with
dinner. She pretty much had everything ready, but we were close enough to
sitting down that she asked me to fill glasses with iced tea.
"I'm so sad not to see my Jakob," Mom said.
I smiled that she called him "my Jakob." She had taken an
instant liking to him. I was always closer with Dad, but I could tell Jakob was
going to be Momma's boy.
Before we sat down, I texted Jakob to let him know everyone
missed him. Dinner was everything anyone would want for Christmas. More than we
could possibly eat; it would make for leftovers for at least two days. Mom said
a few relatives would be dropping by for lunch tomorrow. Ironically, Evan would
be one of them.
The evening was very enjoyable. There was something about a
lit Christmas tree that made the room warm and cheery. Christmas music was
playing. I loved it all. I just wanted Jakob next to me to make it complete.
There was enough time for a couple rounds of cards. After
the first game, Oliver went to the fridge, pulled out a beer and popped the
lid. When he came back, he sat it down and my parents gave him a look.
"Where did you get that?" Mom softly asked.
"I brought a few with me."
They sternly looked at him, then me, then him.
"Oh. Man. I'm sorry, Lance. I didn't think."
"Everyone, please. It's fine. He can enjoy a beer around me.
I'm more than five months sober. I won't be tempted in the slightest,
particularly with Dad here. He'll always be a rock for me."
I looked at Dad and smiled. Just a flash of him looking down
on me in the hospital sent chills through me. That memory will always haunt me.
Haunt.
The second round was just as fun as the first. Lots of
chuckling, screaming and cheering. Good family fun. I wondered if Jakob ever
got to experience that as a kid. Surely his family played games.
Mom and Dad went off to bed. Oliver and I sat out in the
living room near the tree. We didn't often talk, just the two of us.
He was on his third beer.
"By `a few,' you really brought a six pack, didn't you?" I
said.
"Are you going to preach to me?" he said.
"Me? Certainly not. I'm the one with the problem, remember?"
"You don't look like it. Your life is so together."
"Why do you think that?"
"You've turned it around. You're good at your job, you are deliriously
in love with what's-his-Jakob, you have a great relationship with Mom and Dad.
You have it all."
"You make more money than I do," I said.
"Like that means anything. Our parents are lawyers. We never
had to worry about money. Money never really meant anything to us. I think it
was just engrained that we should have money, but it was never ... anything
special."
Oliver turned to look at me directly.
"I mean, look at you. You fell in love with a homeless guy.
Clearly, money wasn't an issue. You could see him for what he was beyond his
net value."
For Oliver, that was pretty deep. I'm not sure I had ever
thought of myself in those terms. While this house would certainly be
considered nicer than the one owned by Jakob's family, I never thought of it as
more than just "our house."
"I just want what you have," he said.
"A boyfriend?" I smiled.
"Guh! No. The whole thing still grosses me out."
"Remember, I've been with both, and men are way hotter than
women," I teased.
"Whatever!" He rolled his eyes. "But seriously. You're
happy. Look at some of the fucked-up stuff that has happened to you this year.
And you're happy."
"I am."
"I just don't know where to begin."
"How about being nice to people?" I smiled.
"I'm nice! You retarded jerk!"
"Right. There it is right before me. How did I miss it?" I
laughed.
He sat back deep in the chair. "There is something to
what you say."
"Do you date at all?"
"Sporadically. In some ways, I'm selfish. It's fun for a
while, then I want my space. Once we have sex a few times, I'm good. I'm sure I
am distant enough that any woman would want more emotionally than what I have
to offer."
"When the person is right, you'll know. When you want to be
with them all the time, then you'll be happy."
We were quiet a moment.
"After Thanksgiving, I tried to look up Xavier." Oliver's
eyes met mine. "It took me about a week, but I didn't give up. I found him. I
gave him a call."
"How awesome," I said. "Was he glad to hear from you?"
"Yeah. Surprisingly, so."
"Why surprising?"
"Because as you say I'm not always nice to people. I
handled his coming out so poorly. I brought it up in our conversation. I
mentioned you too. He was so understanding and forgiving. The more we talked,
the more it felt like old times."
"Where is he?"
"San Francisco."
"How clichι," I chuckled.
"He's married. Has been for four years. He and his husband
are trying to adopt. He invited me out to stay with them. I just might go out
there next year."
I could tell Oliver had done a lot of soul-searching in the
past month. My coming out to him had clearly made an impact.
"I'm glad. He's a nice guy. Gorgeous too; nice dick."
I figured that would get a reaction.
"Stop. Don't go any further, you."
I laughed.
"Let me guess. He's crazy hung too. Is that a gay thing? Are
they all hung like you?"
"You've never seen me naked. You don't know how big I am."
"Yes, I have. You were my little brother. Even before
puberty you had a bigger dick than anyone your age should. I remember Mom bathing
you. Then, at a family reunion I don't remember where you were a freshman
in high school and the two of us went into a bathroom to take a leak. You were
standing next to me, and I could see this monster cock sticking out. Man, I
hated you after that."
"It's just a dick."
"Yeah. And so was I. I was pissed you somehow got the lion's
share. I mean, mine's average, probably a little more. I'm not embarrassed by
it."
"No one should be."
"Easy for you to say with Tower of Pisa in your shorts.
Fucker."
"Hm. I always assumed since we were brothers we would be
about the same."
"Not. Let me guess, Jakob is packing eight inches too."
"Nope. Just the opposite." I paused. The silence was
momentarily tangible. "I have no idea why I just said that. That's private. But
regardless. I love his. It's just a dick. If you are in love, none of that jazz
is important. Love is."
"Okay, we're starting to go down a weird conversation again.
Too much information my brain doesn't need to process."
Oliver took a gulp of beer.
"Hey, brother," I said softly. "No sermon. But I would hate
to see you make the mistakes I made. If you drink to forget or to numb anything
... red flag."
He stared at his beer. My phone rang.
"It's him. I gotta take it."
As I answered, Oliver got up.
"Hey, babe. Hold on one second."
I looked at Oliver. "It's just me this time, so you take the
bed. I'll do the mattress."
"Normally, I'd probably say it's my old room and I'd be fine,
but I will fucking take you up on your offer. Thanks."
I returned to the phone call. He shared with me tales of his
long shift. He was excited to get overtime. I told him I had a great evening
but missed him terribly. We didn't talk long but wanted to hear each other's
voices before bed. I mentioned that Oliver had changed a bit and would share
more when I got home.
"God, I miss you."
"Me too, angel."
"I'm sad I don't get to wake up next to my best gift, but
I'll see you tomorrow night. Love you."
After hanging up, I turned out the Christmas lights and took
my bag into Oliver's room.
After breakfast, we all opened gifts around the tree. Since
Oliver and I had both graduated and moved away, gifts were on the lighter side,
since we were all adults. But we still got something for each other. Because it
was only four of us, it was still pretty easy. I was touched that they had
bought something for Jakob and asked me to take it back.
Uncle Aaron and Aunt Susan came over for lunch with Evan.
"We can't get away from each other, can we?" Evan said as he
entered.
They had picked up Grandma Crenshaw, who lived on the other side
of town. I hadn't seen her since my graduation. I had lost my grandfather while
in junior high, but both sets of grandparents got along really well. Grandma
and Grandpa Wheeling were visiting with Dad's other brother down in Florida.
Just before lunch, we did a Christmas video chat with them.
My aunt and uncle had brought some of their leftovers, so
even though it was all last night's dinner, there were new choices. We all
liked holiday leftovers anyway.
"When are you coming home?" I asked Evan, and for a split
second I surprised myself that I thought of the apartment as home and not my
parents' house.
"Tomorrow. You?"
"Tonight. I'd like to see Jakob at least for a little bit on
Christmas Day."
"Sweet."
"Um. Do your parents know?" I asked him.
"Yeah, I told them about you and Jakob. That's okay, right?"
"Sure. In fact, if they didn't know, I was going to be open
with them today."
The afternoon was a battle between sports on TV or holiday
movies. It fluctuated.
I did speak honestly about who I was and the importance of
Jakob in my life to my relatives.
Some of us played cards. All of us ate second helpings of desserts.
We did make a point to take a few family pictures. Although
I had given each of them their own gift, I did give my parents a picture of
Jakob and me. Mom loved it.
So that no one had to cook, we found a pizza place still
making and delivering pizzas, so we had that for dinner.
Oliver finished his six pack throughout the day. He was the
only one drinking. It didn't bother me. He at least spaced them out. His
comments concerned me that he seemed somewhat unhappy. I was going to make an
effort to call him periodically in the new year. It's strange that it took us
all these years to become relatively close. That's been a nice thing about this
holiday. I imagine as people get older, the age gaps
don't matter as much. I'm sure that will be the case with Mike and Trent.
Everyone was around the dinner table still. We had eaten all
the pizza except for a couple of slices. I hated to leave everyone, but I
didn't want to get home too late.
"I hate that you have to go," Mom said.
"I know. But I do kind of want to see Jakob on Christmas,
even if it's a little bit."
"I completely understand. Please give him our love. Make
sure he knows we missed him."
I shook hands with relatives and hugged a few. Mom and Dad
gave the biggest hugs. To my surprise, Oliver gave me a full hug. He hadn't
done that in ... it must be ages. I couldn't really remember the last time. If
there ever was one. I texted Jakob that I was leaving. He was wrapping up his
shift.
I don't know why, but my thoughts drifted to college. Maybe it
was driving to family for the holidays. I hadn't been in communication much
with hardly anyone. That saddened me. I called Zach with the car's Bluetooth.
"Hello?" he answered.
"Hi, Zach. It's me, Lance."
"Yeah. That came up on the screen. I was surprised."
"Merry Christmas!"
"To you too," he returned. "Is ... is everything okay?"
"Yeah, sure. I just wanted to check in on you. I hope your
holiday was good."
Zach was silent a moment. "I guess. Yeah. I guess it was.
Wow. I'm a bit surprised you called." He paused. "I'm glad you did though."
"Yeah? Me too." I suddenly questioned the meaning of his
last statement. "Zach? Are you okay?"
"I suppose. I shouldn't be surprised, but I didn't feel a
lot of joy from Mom over the holiday. It felt like she was just going through
the motions. Maybe I read too much into it. We exchanged gifts and everything.
I guess it was fine."
It was sad that Zach simply felt he was an obligation to his
mother. I was fucking lucky for having wonderful parents. I had come to
appreciate it and be grateful for it.
"So how's school this year? Your roommates have to be better
than me and Cole."
"I wouldn't say that. They're nice. But I liked you and Cole
too."
"I could have been nicer."
"I learned to like you as I got to know you. You spooked us
a little with your drinking near the end. But I miss you."
"Yeah. About that."
"Uh oh."
I spent five minutes telling Zach about my alcohol problem. He
was pleased that I found help. I didn't mention Jakob moving in with me yet.
As Zach was someone who frequents church each week, there was only so much I
felt I should share.
"I'm driving back to Jackson Bend. You were on my mind."
"I'm glad you called, Lance. I hope to hear from you again."
"Same here. Merry Christmas again."
"And have a Happy New Year too," Zach said before we both
hung up.
I called Cole too, but he didn't pick up. I left a cheery
message.
About an hour out, I gave Jakob a call.
"Hey, where are you?"
"My place. Just took a shower."
"I can come there, but I have your Christmas present at my
apartment. Now that you have a key, are you willing to meet me there?
"Uh, sure. I guess."
"I'll see you in an hour."
We had agreed to buy only one gift and wait until Christmas.
On his budget, I hope he didn't spend too much.
When I entered the apartment, it was fairly dark. The
kitchen light was on, but I could see no one was in it. There was a faint glow
coming from the bedroom.
I walked in to see Jakob lying in the bed, wearing only his
new pajama bottoms. He was shirtless. In the corner was a lighted Christmas
tree; it couldn't have been more than three feet tall.
"What's this?"
"When you wait until Christmas, things are pretty cheap."
"But everything's closed."
"You'd be surprised how many places carry items. I thought
we needed a tree to put our gifts under."
"That's so sweet, but mine won't fit under there."
"Oh?"
"Yeah," I said. "It's a motorcycle."
"What???"
"I'm totally kidding, but ..."
I paused. I did have something to go under the tree. I
pulled open a drawer and took out a card I planned to give. I set it under the
tree. I saw there was a box there for me.
I began to get undressed. Jakob had turned the heat up, so
it was only slightly cool. It actually felt like Christmas. I took off
everything except my briefs and crawled onto the bed with him.
"Merry Christmas, babe," I said, leaning in for a nice kiss.
"Same to you, angel."
We wrapped ourselves in each other's arms and kissed for a
few minutes. My hands felt his back and slid underneath his pajamas to grip his
butt cheeks. We were both hard; we could feel it pressed between layers of
cotton.
"I thought we might use the oils Mike and Trent gave us.
Care for a massage?" he asked.
"Um. Yeah. That sounds kind of nice."
I had never had a massage. Jakob spread a beach towel out on
the bed. He had placed the oil in a mug of heated water to warm it a bit. He
instructed me to take off my underwear and lie on my stomach. He took off the
pajamas. I could hear the bottle of oil splashing as it was removed from the
water. Jakob squirted some on to my back. I jumped a bit at feeling the warm
liquid. In a way, it reminded me of his cum. His hands moved into the oil and
started rubbing my back. The oil was fragrant.
"Vanilla. What a surprise," I mumbled sarcastically into the
pillow.
I moaned and hummed as he pressed his hands into my back,
digging in and rubbing my muscles. It was nice. He straddled me, facing my
feet. His hands caressed my ass and rubbed them too. He dripped a bit more oil
into his palms and leaned down to rub and massage my legs. That was nice. They
were a bit stiff from the drive. He then massaged my feet. How tender. No one
had ever really done that before. It was a type of bond that was new to the two
of us. He turned back around and worked on my neck muscles. I could feel his
balls gently press into the small of my back. After several minutes of being
massaged and rubbed, my body was then covered by his. He put his full weight on
me. I felt surrounded by him.
"Your turn?" I asked.
"Why not?" he replied.
I tried to mimic his motions. I was a bit clumsier, but I
made the oil work. Heaven knows I loved touching him, so feeling my hands slip
and glide over his skin was blissful. Doing it by the glow of a Christmas tree
was even more heavenly. I was so glad I came home. This was the touch of
Christmas that was missing.
Following the massages, we made love. It was a tender night.
There was still enough passion, volume and heavy breathing, but there was no
sucking, no fucking. It was all about the touch of skin. We rolled in each
other's arms. Our cocks continued to grind into one another. Enough oil had
covered our bodies that our erections easily glided into a lover's tango.
Jakob's hands were all over me. His groans let me know he was close to orgasm.
His mouth pressed to mine as he pushed his oiled penis into my torso.
"Ungh. Ungh! Oh, angel. I'm coming for you."
His cock released his testosterone-fueled love onto my
chest. I moaned as I felt each shot splash onto my abdomen. He pressed his body
into mine, spreading his cum between our chests. It reacted nothing like the
oil but was totally hot.
I wanted to add my own. He moved further down on me so that
I was humping my dick into his hairy chest. I thrust it, harder and harder. My
grunting became loud.
"Come for me, Lance."
I grabbed his neck as his teased my nipple with his tongue.
"OoooOOOOHHHH! Yes!"
My cock pulsed and shot a thick stream of warm cum between
us. I groaned with each blast; I think I counted seven. My writhing, bucking
hips pushed up into him, bouncing his frame above me.
"Holy fucking Christmas," I smiled. "I'm so glad I am with
you tonight."
"Me too," he said with a simple kiss.
We needed some serious cleaning, so we washed our chests. It
took a few minutes to where they didn't feel sticky anymore.
He sat next to the tree. The lights shone on his skin a
little; it still had a bit of sheen from the oil. I went to the closet and
pulled out a big box. It was half the size of the tree.
"I can already tell you went too far," he said.
"It's just one gift."
He pulled off the ribbon and ripped the paper. As he opened
the box, he pulled back tissue to see a brand-new coat.
"You have a jacket. I thought this would help on the colder
days."
"It's beautiful. I love it."
He gave me a kiss. Then he handed me my gift. I couldn't
imagine what he would get me. I gave zero hints. It had to be hard for him to
think of something I needed.
I tore off the paper and saw a jewelry box of some kind.
When I opened it, there was a gold chain. From it was a thin leather strap. It
was knotted and attached to an angel wing. The way it was crafted looked very
masculine.
"I think of you as my angel, so I thought it might be nice
for you to feel this around you, to make it feel like I'm always with you when
you wear it. I know you don't wear much jewelry, well, any jewelry, I've seen,
but I hope you ..."
I stopped him talking by tackling him with a kiss.
"It's perfect."
We lay on the carpet underneath the tree. I reached for the
card. He ripped the envelope open.
"For the man in my life"
He opened it.
"There is no way that I could ever have been prepared for
the most loving gift I could ever receive in life:
You. Merry Christmas, with all of my heart."
I had signed it "Love, Lance."
He kissed me.
"I don't deserve to be this lucky," he said softly to me.
"Ditto," I said back.
We held each other and fell asleep under the tree. It wasn't
until the middle of the night that we stirred and moved to the bed.
It unquestionably was my favorite Christmas ever.
* * * *
A blog post, "Christmas No. 1: Lance and Jakob" is posted at
timothylane414stories.blogspot.com
Emailed feedback is welcome: timothylane414@gmail.com