Date: Mon, 15 Sep 2003 17:39:39 -0700 (PDT) From: young dad Subject: I Once Was Lost Ch.3 I ONCE WAS LOST-CHAPTER 3 By YOUNGDAD THE USUAL DISCLAIMERS APPLY HERE. IF YOU AREN'T OF LEGAL AGE (18 IN MOST AREAS) THEN PLEASE LEAVE. THIS STORY IS ABOUT THE PEOPLE WE ENCOUNTER IN LIFE AND THE RELATIONSHIPS THAT DEVELOP BETWEEN FRIENDS, FAMILIES AND LOVERS. IT MAY ALSO CONTAIN DESCRIPTIONS OF SEX BETWEEN MALES. IF THAT BOTHERS YOU THEN PLEASE LEAVE. ALL TRADEMARKS ARE PROPERTY OF THEIR RESPECTIVE OWNER(S). FEEDBACK IS APPRECIATED AND FLAMES WILL BE IGNORED. IF YOU ARE STILL READING AT THIS POINT THEN GRAB A SNACK. I HOPE YOU ENJOY THE STORY. (RECAP) Will left and I looked down at my plate, noticing it's contents for the first time. "Yum, yum yum dinner fit for a king," I said quietly to myself. There was a small bowl of chicken broth, at least that's what it looked like and a container of green Jello. To wash it all down was a cup of unsweetened tea with no sugar packets in sight and a half pint of skim milk. I grimaced as I took a bite of the Jello. "Take it like a man Jesse, take it like a man," I laughed. (THE STORY CONTINUES) I finished my so called dinner. Actually I was grateful for it, the broth hadn't been half bad either. I pushed the cart with my tray on it away from the bed and I flipped through the channels on tv. I put it on some cable news channel and promptly dozed off to sleep. I had the weirdest dream! In it I had written the letters of apology and everyone, even my folks and Jared, said they had forgiven me. My parents said they wanted me back home. As soon as I heard the news from my folks I got out of my bed, hospital gown and all, and walked outside to the front curb and got in my car. The keys were in it and it even had a full tank of gas! I drove all the way back to Winston-Salem with a smile on my face when I arrived there were my folks and Jared and even Tyler and his parents all standing on our front lawn. In fact, the whole neighborhood was there to greet me. Everybody was holding up hand printed signs; WELCOME HOME SON! WE LOVE YOU JESSE! YOU'RE THE GREATEST! DIE MONSTER! What? They started chanting DIE MONSTER! DIE MONSTER! It grew louder. I looked around and a crowd had gathered, some holding torches just like in the old horror movies. I tried to run but every no matter which direction I tried to make my escape, I was cut off. DIE MONSTER! DIE MONSTER! Everyone was chanting. My eyes darted back and forth, trying desperately to find my parents...Jared...Tyler. The crowd overwhelmed me and stripped me naked. People laughed and mocked me. I was carried to a long wooden table and tied down and then...the crowd parted and robed figure appeared. My parents and little brother were right behind and behind them were Tyler's parents. Where was Tyler? I couldn't find him. The figure stopped next to the table, I couldn't see his face, I looked around frantically and cried out, "TYLER!" and everyone laughed. I glanced back at the figure as he raised his hand. A silence washed over the crowd. "Jesse Mayhew!" the voice of the figure bellowed, "For committing the crime of ruining a young man's life by subjecting him to your sexual advances...you have been found guilty!" "What? No! There were no sexual advances, it was mutual. I mean we were both enjoying it. You gotta believe me!" I pleaded. `"Silence!" the voice boomed, "Since you have been found guilty, the only sentence is...DEATH." "Noooo!" I screamed as I scanned the crowed again, "Tyler, where are you? Please Tyler don't let them do this to me!" The figure took out a long sword from underneath his robe and touched my stomach with the blade, pressing slightly but enough to draw a little blood. It made a perfect line across me. I realized what my punishment was going to be. The figure stepped back and removed his hood. His face was hideously disfigured and I looked away momentarily. Tears welled up in my eyes. "Tell Tyler I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do it." Suddenly the man's face changed...into Tyler's but when he was a little boy. "You ruined my life Jesse, you ruined my life." "No!" I screamed as the tears poured down my face. The face changed again, back into the horrendous man. He raised the sword high above him and looked at me, his eyes piercing my heart and soul. The crowd began chanting again DIE MONSTER! DIE MONSTER! I watched the sword fall swiftly. "Noooooooooooo!" "I'm not a monster. I'm not a monster" "Jesse, wake up! Wake up man!" "No...I'm not a...wha...huh?" "Jesse, you were having a nightmare or something man. Wake up guy." "Will?" I looked around the room disorientedly. "I'm right here Jesse. Are you ok?" he asked as he took me into his arms. I sobbed while he gently rocked me. "My God Will, it was awful," I said in gasps. "Shhh...it's going to be alright now." "I need some air really bad. Is there some way I can go outside for just a minute, please?" "Sure, give me a second." Will stepped out the room and was right back with a wheelchair. "I can walk," I protested. "Maybe so but it's hospital policy. I'll help you in," he said as he placed his arms around me. His touch was firm but gentle. I wondered what it would be like to really be held in those arms. "Will, do you smoke?" "No, do you?" "Yeah I could really use one right now too." "Ok" he said as he wheeled me out the door and up to the far side of the nurse's station. He walked up to a big black guy and said something, I couldn't hear what he was saying but I figured he was trying to bum a smoke for me. The guy leaned over and glanced around Will, looking at me. I smiled half-heartedly to be polite and he gave the "nod of recognition". Will walked back and handed me two cigarettes and a lighter. We were at the elevator before he spoke. "Rashaad said the cigarettes were on the house but if you lost his lighter he was gonna rip you a new one," Will chuckled. I was laughing when we got into the elevator, in fact we were still laughing about that when we reached the ground floor. Will took me through a maze of hallways and of course I didn't have a clue where we were going but shortly, he opened a door and we went outside. It was dark but still warm as it was early summer. A slight breeze was blowing and I inhaled deeply before letting it out. I could still smell the salt air even though we were probably a mile or so from the Atlantic. I lit up a cigarette and that first drag told me it was a menthol brand. I coughed a little bit. "I thought you smoked?" Will laughed. `I do but I don't smoke menthol, it's like sucking on a peppermint stick." "Oh really, and that's a bad thing?" he said with a sly grin. I felt my face grow red. "You idiot" I replied in mock disgust. He chuckled. "So buddy-ro, want to tell me about that dream that got you so worked up?" I started to speak but instead paused and took another long, slow drag from the cigarette. I spoke when I exhaled. `Will, that dream was so real man. It scared the shit out of me." I proceeded to tell him all about it and he hung onto every word with rapt attention. There was something about that guy. He was funny, smart, cute as hell and I thought, no I knew I wanted him. Somehow, someway that boy would be mine. I continued telling about the dream and as I neared the end I noticed his expression was that of real concern. He grew emotional when I recounted the part about seeing Tyler's face and hearing him speak. "That's so sad Jesse. I don't know how to interpret dreams but that was a powerful one. Whew!" "Will, I do want to write those letters, I need to write those letters." "Why? I mean why do you feel so strongly about it?" "Like I said earlier man, that wasn't me, the real me. I'm not like that and I want to apologize to the cops, especially to the one I kicked, for not throwing my sorry butt in jail and to the motel people for screwing up their room. It was a crappy room but it was their room and to Tyler to let know how I feel and to say I hope what happened doesn't cause problems for him. I need to let my parents know how I feel too. I don't want to apologize for that but I want to tell them that I do love them and I really need to let my little brother know that too. I've never laid so much as a finger on that kid. He's been a little bratty at times sure, but he's never done anything really to deserve getting slapped by me." "I don't know if I could do that or even if I'd want to do that. Jesse, you're a better man than I am." "Nah, you seem like a great guy Will. It's just something I have to do. Like I said earlier, my actions the other day aren't reflective of the real me. I'm a decent guy and I want to let some people know that." "That's very cool, I "Will, I've felt "different" for a long time, I mean since I was a little kid. Finally, I realized I was gay but I was scared to do anything. I looked at guys discreetly and hoped one of them would magically walk up to me one day and say, "Hi there stud. Wanna fuck?" I know that's stupid but that's what I felt. Tyler's been my friend for awhile now and I guess I just started noticing him more and hoping too. Then, the other day...well you know the rest." Will looked at me thoughtfully for a moment. I lit up the other cigarette as I continued. "I know I'm gay Will but I don't know how to "be" gay. My brain tells me I'm gay and my heart tells me I'm gay. I know I like guys because that's all I think about but I'm afraid." "Jesse, it ain't easy stepping out of that closet and accepting who and what you really are. I think in your situation, the emotional factor is probably compounded because you're just starting to find yourself and explore all the "What If scenarios" that you've only wondered about. Am I right?" "You hit the nail right on the head man." I looked down the slight hill the hospital was on and out across the town. The lights of Myrtle Beach were bright but especially on the strip. That's where it all happens, on the strip. That's where the fun and excitement is. You can have it all, the crowds, the noise, the smells, the sights everything. Love is even found and sometimes lost there. I imagined I was there with Will, in front of the world, holding hands, walking and laughing. We'd ride the Ferris wheel at the Pavilion, then get a chilidog and milkshake from Peaches Corner right across the street. We'd stroll down past the Bowery and out onto the Boardwalk for a bit then out on the sand. We'd walk forever in the moonlight, watching and listening to the waves come in. "Jesse. Hello, Earth to Jesse," Will chuckled. "Sorry, I guess I got lost in thought for a minute." "No problem, you ready to head back up or you want to stay here a little longer?" "A little longer if it's ok?" "No, I don't mind. It's peaceful out here and the view is nice too." "Yes it is." I thought as I looked longingly at Will. He was about 3 feet away from me, leaning forward with his arms folded resting on a waist high brick wall. He was handsome in his green hospital shirt and pants. I bet he was handsome no matter what he wore. "Will, tell me about yourself. You know a lot about me so now it's your turn." He smiled again. "What would you like to know?" "I don't know. Tell me anything and everything I guess." "Well let's see," he said while scratching his chin, "I was born and raised in Greenwood, South Carolina. It's a small town, much like Myrtle Beach. I'm 23 going on 40 it feels like. I came out to my parents at age 14 and was promptly thrown out on my ear. I lived with my friend Greg and his folks until I graduated community college. He became my brother and his folks became my folks. The treated me just like their own son. He was straight and I was gay but it didn't matter to them or Greg. He's still one of my closest friends in the world. His Mom is the best cook and she's so sweet. His Dad was one of the most intelligent and humble men I knew too. Damn that man was smart. I started working when I was 16, to help pay my fair share. After I graduated community college and just before I enrolled at the University of South Carolina, he told me about my "college fund". I never knew anything about it but when I started working, I insisted on paying a little rent. Jake, that his name, and Martha, that was her name flat out refused to take a penny and I got mad over it too. After 2 or 3 discussions about it, they decided that I could give them a little rent money each month so I did. It wasn't much and I knew it and they knew it but I figured they thought I'd keep insisting so they just gave in. They decided to charge Greg a little rent too, after he started working. Well, when I graduated, Jake and Martha sat me and Greg down in their den. We knew it had to be something serious because Jake turned off the television set and laid the phone off the hook. I was worried, Greg looked like he was about to pass out. It was kind of funny the way he looked really, but anyway, Jake told us that from the first time Greg and I had given them rent money, he and Martha opened up accounts at the bank for us. They matched dollar for dollar every single penny that we gave them plus they added to it whenever they could. Keep in mind Jesse, these were not rich people, they were simple, hard-working middle class folks. We never had a lot of extras but they both worked for everything. When they told me that, it drew me closer to them than you could ever imagine." Will paused as he looked up to the night sky. "Jake passed away last year, he had a heart attack. Greg and I both spoke about what kind of man Jake was. We both got choked up too. Martha took it pretty hard but she's doing better now. Greg lives up in Wilmington with his wife. They don't have any kids yet and I pick on them a lot, telling them to hurry up and make me an uncle or an aunt. He laughs everytime I say it that way too." "That's an amazing story Will. I guess you've worked hard to make it." "Yes I have Jesse. My own family threw me out and I once was lost but Jake, Martha and Greg found me." What Will just said struck me as profound and I'm not sure why but I began softly singing, "I once was lost...but now I'm found, I was blind...but now I see." "Yeah, just like the hymn," he whispered. "Lean over here Will." We embraced and I hugged him tightly as I slowly turned my head. He turned too and our eyes met. We stared into each other's souls. I felt my body quiver with anticipation as he leaned in closer. Our lips met and we kissed passionately. TO BE CONTINUED ****** Hello readers, I just wanted to say THANK YOU to everyone who has emailed me and said they were enjoying the story. I appreciate every single email I receive! Most are a simple "I like your story" but a few have been serious. Several readers have stated they have connected in a very personal way to the main character of Jesse and can relate to how he is feeling. I hope none of you ever try what Jesse did in the 1st chapter, life might be tough for you but it will get better! Youngdad