Date: Mon, 05 Nov 2012 21:10:27 -0500 From: Steve Snow Subject: I Wish You Love - Part 9 Tyke has been nodding off while they make their way west on the highways. The car sways and Tyke sees that they have finally taken the exit off the highway and down onto the street below. He sees something familiar and is glad to realize that home isn't very far away. He observes that this is a mostly-deserted warehouse district that never has much life in it on the weekend. He doesn't mind looking at it from a car but wouldn't want to walk around here even in the daytime. He thinks I could use a bit more sleep. Just as he's closing his eyes he notices that the world has gone dark in the daytime and he's snuggling down to take a nap. He slowly rouses himself to the sound of Morris yelling... "Tyke you motherfucker... wake up! Tyke! Tyke! Wake up I need you you sonofabitch! Wake up this instant you pissant fucker! I need you so wake the fuck up. I'm getting desperate and I'll come back there and kick the snot out of you if you don't wake! Up! Tyke!!! Wake!!! Up!!! Hey!!! Tyke! Wake up right now!!! Son of a bitch!! I need some help here! Get up right now! Tyke? Are you even listening to me? Tyke!!" Tyke groans and hears Morris as if through a distance. He says "Morris, what happened to me... I feel like shit. I can't even open my eyes. What the fuck?" Morris answers: "Tyke, listen to me and don't talk for a minute. We've had an accident. I'm here up front and I'm trying to save Grant's life but I'm tied down and can't move. Check now to make sure you have your cell phone. Do you feel it?" "Yeah I can feel it but why do I hurt so bad?" "Tyke... that's not important right now. I'll tell you about that later. Start by reaching over to your left and opening the car door. Swing your legs out and get them on the ground. You'll have to get up and get out of the car and call 911 and get us an ambulance here. I'm so afraid that Grant will die if we can't get him to a hospital and soon. Right now you need to get that door open and swing your feet out and put them on the ground. Don't stand up right away. Your legs will be weak and you'll probably fall on your face. Now do as I told you and get that door open now!" Morris could hear the car door open and hears the sounds as Tyke sets his feet out on the pavement. "OK... now what. I still can't open my eyes... What is all this stuff on my face?" "Tyke, that's blood. You must have hit your head and it looks as if you are bleeding a little bit and it's gummed up your eyes. Be careful, there is a shitload of glass everywhere and you don't want to push it into your eyes. Feel carefully and push off the bits that are stuck to your eyelids before you try to open them. If you need to rinse off the blood to unstick it, you can use your spit or I can yell at you some more and make you cry, dickhead. Whichever way you want it." "Hey, Morris. Don't be like that. I'll get them unstuck. I do feel a little wobbly and I hope I can stand up." "Use the edges of the car and hold yourself up by them if you think you might fall. Hang onto the door too, but don't let it close on your hands. When you get outside, dial 911 and tell them where we are and tell them there has been a two-car accident with personal injury and they need to send at least one ambulance right away. Now this is important: don't hang up with them. Keep them on the line and tell them that you are going to check on the other driver and see if he is injured. You'll need to drag yourself over there and check on him. If he's gushing blood, you'll need to stay with him and try to save him the way I'm doing with Grant Just take off your shirt and if you can, tear it into strips and use the inside surface to stop the bleeding. If he's not bleeding seriously, try to decide how he is injured. If it's a head injury tell them they need a second ambulance. If the other driver is awake, tell him not to move. If he's just woozy or cut but only oozing blood, then get back here to me and bring your shirt with you. I can use it to bandage Grant if the other driver doesn't need it. Do you understand?" "I'm starting to get the blood loosened. There's quite a bit of glass but I can get it off. I think I will be able to see in a moment. Say, Morris, how's Phil doing. You didn't mention him just now." "Phil looks as if he will do OK. He's just knocked out by the impact but I think he'll be fine. Listen, can you try to stand? I really need you to call 911 and soon. I don't want to lose Grant here and every second counts. Remember what I said: go check on the other driver and keep 911 on the line until you've checked him out. Do you understand?" "Yes, Morris, sir! I'm going to stand up now. Whoa! My legs are really rubbery but I think I can stay standing. My eyes are nearly open and I'll be able to see soon. Any idea where we are?" "You'll need to look for street signs. We're in an intersection so you should be able find them close by. Take off and be careful walking around 'til you can stand better. Call 911 now, Tyke." "OK. Here goes." Tyke is able to call 911 seeing through his just barely opened eyes. He gets the dispatcher on the line and tells them what Morris told him. He is looking for the street signs and finally has found them and is trying to read them. He keeps up the conversation with the dispatcher while he's trying to clear his vision. Finally he can make out the words though he's not really sure. The dispatcher tells him what she has is enough. He says: "hold on... I'm going to walk over and check the other driver for injuries." It takes him quite a while to make his way from one car to the other avoiding all the broken pieces from the collision. He can see through the window of the other car that the driver is out cold and is just oozing blood from a head cut. He tells the dispatcher that they will need two ambulances because the second driver probably hit his head. He thanks the dispatcher and hangs up. He makes his way back over to Morris, tells him that help is on the way and takes his shirt off and hands it to Morris so he can use it for bandages. Morris is already shirtless and has used all he can from his own shirt for the same purpose. Tyke leans in and can see Grant and comments to Morris what a mess Grant is. He also catches a quick glimpse of Phil in the back seat but isn't sure if he's mistaken. He doesn't even recognize his lover. He looks a little closer and can see that if Grant is a mess, then Phil is a full-fledged disaster area. Tyke starts to tear up and goes to say something to Morris and all that comes out of him is a garbled scream. Morris realizes what happened and says: "Oh, shit. Here we go..." Tyke is now shrieking at full volume and can't even stop to catch his breath. He's completely incoherent and is moving around randomly bumping into debris and the car. He starts to flail his arms around striking whatever is near him. His hands are getting bloody from the sharp edges he's encountering. Finally, after what seems to be an eternity, Morris can hear sirens approaching from a distance. The first to arrive on the scene is a police car. The officers inside size up the situation and first go to Tyke and start to restrain him. They stop his flailing and in a pretty skilled move they have gotten his hands together and put on a set of handcuffs. Morris notices this and says to them: "Is that really necessary? He's just seen his best friend is dead." The officer says: "It's for his own protection. We'll let him cry it out in the cruiser and we'll keep watch on him. He'll be alright. I'll come back to you as soon as I can." Morris can only say "Thanks." The officer carefully walks Tyke over to the cruiser and puts him in the back seat and checks that he's safely inside then closes the door. He can still hear Tyke's wails as he walks back to Morris. The ambulances are arriving and Morris quickly goes over to where they have stopped. He identifies himself and lets them know who is still alive, their injuries and where they are located. He's already given the preliminaries to the officers and is certain they will know how to contact him in case they have more questions. He tells the ambulance crew he'd like to travel with Grant to the hospital and tells them he has an additional friend in the police car who has had a grand mal seizure just after the accident and is currently in mourning for his dead friend. He asks if he can come along as well. They agree as long as he is quiet and won't disturb the E.M.T. or the patient. Morris goes over to the officer keeping watch on Tyke and asks if he can check up on his friend and evaluate whether he can go to the hospital secondary to the patient he's been working on all along. The officer says he hasn't heard much from him in a while and he can check on him and Morris goes over and opens the back door of the police car and takes a look at Tyke. He appears out of it but otherwise well and clearly has been crying. He tells Tyke that they will be leaving for the hospital soon. He closes the police car door. He notices that Grant is getting ready to be wheeled over to the ambulance and quickly goes over to be by his side The EMT who is with Grant says: "You bandage up this guy? Morris says "Yes." "Good job. Most victims this badly broken up bleed out before we can get here. He has a good chance for survival; lucky for him you were around." Morris smiles weakly and says: "Thanks." They are about to wheel Grant over to the ambulance and he notices that one of the ambulance crew has taken Tyke from the police car (minus the handcuffs) and loaded him into the ambulance. Grant is also loaded aboard and the EMT also jumps in and Morris is last in. The EMT is busy locking down the stretcher and preparing Grant for transport. He is taking up lots of space and although Morris would like to be with Tyke now, he is content that he will be getting to the hospital quickly. The ambulance takes off. The trip doesn't take very long but to Morris it seems like hours. When Morris arrives at the ER, he's shuttled aside into the waiting room while Grant and Tyke are taken into the ER proper for evaluation. Morris waits for what seems like forever and eventually he is approached by an ER intake worker and is answering the usual flurry of questions about Grant - he tries to remember all the details of Grant's health before today and he is glad that he has taken an interest in Grant's health as a good nurse/lover should do. He is certain of most of the details and tells them when he isn't sure but the rest is incidental. Soon he is involved with Admissions who want all the paperwork details. Fortunately, Grant and Morris are together on the same health plan and Morris is happy today that his agency offered health coverage for Significant Others. He only needs to show his insurance card and they seem satisfied. With all this commotion Morris realizes he hasn't heard anything of Tyke. He also realizes he needs to contact Doctor VanEyck, the specialist Morris was going to refer Tyke to originally when he saw that problem back in Kingman. He steps out of the ER and flips open his cell phone and looks for the number. Soon he's on the line talking with Doctor VanEyck. He identifies himself and tells him that his friend Tyrus is in the ER and has had a serious seizure and asks the Doctor to take charge of his care. Just then, the same intake worker has found him and motions that she needs him to come to the desk. Worried mainly about Grant, he signs off with the Doctor and rushes off to speak with her. She has questions about Tyke. Here, Grant is stuck. He doesn't know much about his health since the only other person who might be able to help him answer these questions is dead now. He does dictate his observations of the initial condition he saw and what happened in the car into Tyke's records and informs her that Doctor VanEyck will be taking charge of Tyke's care once he is admitted. She makes him spell the name and looks a little confused but he chalks it up to the odd spelling of the name. He thanks her and settles in for the long wait while both are admitted. He finally hears that Grant is going up for surgery and he's told when he can check in with the ICU for details. He also hears that Tyke will be admitted for observation until his Doctor can set up the needed tests. Morris seeks out the quietest part of the ER waiting room and tries to rest. Rest has come for Morris but it is fitful and when the time is right he makes his way to the ICU and checks on Grant. He's told the initial surgery has gone well and he's in recovery. He's also told about his prognosis and that he will need additional surgeries in short order once he has recovered from the first. Morris settles down and knows that they will get him when he can see Grant. He rests better this time now that the burden on his mind has been relieved. Finally after many hours he is led back to talk to Grant. He's a little shocked at how his friend looks and how he is in suspensions for his many broken bones. Grant recognizes him and speaks to him weakly but Morris knows he should try to remain still. He shushes Grant and quietly tells him he will be there for him and that he loves him more than ever. He also knows that the first visit must be short so he reminds Grant that he will be monitoring his progress full-time and carefully touches Grant's cheek. Grant seems to be tearing up and Morris tells him he will be back to see him again after he wakes up. He wishes him goodnight and leaves. He snoozes in the waiting room and walks back and forth to the cafeteria for meals though he knows he isn't hungry. Ten hours later he goes in again to see Grant. He seems more rested and they chat a while. Morris is asking about Grant's pain and is reassuring him that he's doing fine. Morris takes a quick look at the x-rays that were left in the room and makes a comment that Grant will be the next bionic man. Grant asks about Tyke and Phil and Morris has to explain about each of them. It's Grant's turn to mourn Phil and he has plenty to mourn about. Phil was a real gem in their lives and he will be terribly missed. After a while Grant asks if Tyke is well enough to visit him and Morris needs to tell him he doesn't know but he'll find out. Morris hates to leave Grant feeling like he does but his visit has lasted long enough. He touches Grant as is now his habit and leaves. He sits again in the waiting room thinking and knows that Tyke is somewhere nearby. He goes to the information desk and finds the room number. Morris sticks his head into the room and says: "Tyke... how are you doing?" Getting no answer, he walks into the room and up to Tyke's bed. He leans over the bed and is just about to repeat his question when Tyke hauls off and slaps Morris across the face with all his might. Then as Morris staggers back stunned from the blow, Tyke shouts at the top of his lungs: "You fuck! You let him die and then you lied to me!" Morris slumps down into a chair and reviews what has just happened. Finally he rouses himself and says quietly to Tyke: "I guess I deserved that. I should have expected it. I'm going to take a walk and cool down and I suggest you do the same. I'll be back in fifteen minutes and we can discuss this rationally." Tyke growled back: "Don't bother." Pissed now, Morris says: "Oh I'll be back alright. There are some things you need to hear!" and stalks out of the room. He stops by the nurse's station to warn them that Tyke is getting a little irrational and to be sure he doesn't try to leave his room. They know Morris and assure him that Tyke will be there. Morris walks down to the ICU to check on Grant and then goes off to the cafeteria to nurse a cup of coffee and have a think. Fifteen minutes later, he walks back to Tyke's room better prepared to defend his actions. Morris enters the room silently and sits down in the chair. He says: "Tyke?" "What do you want?" "I can't think that you actually believe what you said to me..." "Well, believe it." "I will cop to lying to you but I had my reasons for that. But do you really think I would let Phil die if I could have done anything to save his life?" "You saved Grant's life and Phil died. Looks like it to me..." "Alright, you ungrateful prick... here's the scoop. I was the only one in the car that was conscious just after the accident. I looked at every one of you guys and did what came naturally to me. This was my job and I did it the way I was trained. I could see that Phil was the most badly injured and I could also see that Grant had compound fractures and would die from his injuries unless I tried to stop his bleeding." "But you just let Phil die." "No, Tyke, if I thought I could have saved Phil's life, I would have been with him and worked on him. Remember, I loved Phil almost as much as you did. If I could have helped him, I would have. But I could see Phil was either already dead or very near death. There was nothing I could have done to save his life and if I had tried, I was certain that Grant would have died." With this, Tyke lets out a wail then says: "I don't believe you. You were jealous of Phil and me. You could have saved him if you wanted. But you let him die!" "Tyke, I've been trying to spare you the details of what I saw in that car. It really wasn't pleasant to see someone I cared so much for lying there like Phil was. My heart broke to see him like that. But my head took over and I had to do something or both of them were going to die. I saw that there was no contest who had any chance of survival and I didn't let my heart make the decision. I could see that Phil's neck was probably broken and his head was so damaged that he couldn't possibly survive in any recognizable form. If he was even still alive, he might have only been able to exist in a vegetative state and maybe only for hours or days or months. You have to believe me; Phil as you knew him was already dead. I went about the job of saving the living and mourning for Phil. I shed plenty of tears while I was working on Grant, I can assure you. Then you started to come around and I had another problem. What would happen once you woke up and saw Phil like he was and freaked out? I suppose it was a blessing in disguise when you started to have that seizure. I had all that I could do not to abandon Grant and go back and take care of you while you seized. The only good to come of it was that I knew you would be slow to wake up and I might be able to get you out of the car before you had a chance to remember and look over at Phil. I cursed you out any way I could think of to keep your attention on me and away from Phil as you woke up. I did need you to call 911, though, because when I first reached for my cell phone, my hands were slick with Grant's blood and I dropped the phone down between the seats where I couldn't reach it. I made up the thing about you needing to check on the other driver, though in hindsight, I may have saved your ass by making sure the police heard and recorded that you were doing the responsible thing and checking on his injuries and not just hoping he would die. Now, after hearing all this, if you still don't believe me, I don't know what else I can do. I will tell you this... If you ever suggest anywhere near Grant what you said to me, I will never forgive you. It would set back Grant's recovery for him to think he survived at the cost of Phil's life. He's been asking to see you and I'll talk to you again tomorrow and see if you will be able to see him then. Try to get some sleep. Oh, and by the way, If you have questions about life and death, you better have a conversation with God and not with me." The next day, Morris relents and lets Tyke see Grant. Tyke is still sullen but he promises he will behave and not mention his doubts to Grant. He seems to brighten when he sees Grant alive but is shaken by the extent of his injuries. He can only compare Grant to a Thanksgiving turkey all trussed up and tells him so. Grant has a laugh at this and tells Tyke it's better than the alternative, then thinks better of that and apologizes, thinking of poor Phil. Tyke tells Grant he's happy he will be OK and Grant warns him that he may never be quite the same. Tyke jokingly asks him if his "equipment" will be OK. Grant says it will. Tyke says: "Well that's good enough for me." Tyke carefully leans in and kisses Grant on the cheek and tells him he's tired and he will go back to his room and lie down. Tyke was released from the hospital a few days later. He went about the business of identifying Phil's body and could see that Morris was right. He also had persuaded the police to let him make the notification to Phil's parents in person. He looked up the address in Phil's address book and booked a flight. Morris insisted he would drive Tyke to the airport. When Tyke wasn't looking, he slipped a few sheets of paper into Tyke's bag. They were still stiff and formal together and Morris wished him well on the trip. When he arrives, he retrieves the rental car and follows the route he's mapped out. He has planned his flight to take him to Phil's home just around the dinner hour. Once he makes it to the address, he can see that the planning has worked out and that the family is home. He goes to the door and rings the bell. A woman of about the right age to be Phil's mother answers the door. Tyke says: "Good afternoon, Mrs. Hansen. I'm Tyrus and I'm your son Phil's roommate from L.A.. I wonder if you could call the family together. I'd like to talk with all of you for a few minutes." Intrigued, Mrs Hansen says: "Certainly. Please come in and would you wait here in the living room." She goes off and gathers the family. They all return to the living room. She makes the introductions: "Tyrus, this is Philip's father John and this is Philip's brother David. How can we help you?" "Thank you for welcoming me to your home. I apologize for coming here unannounced but I felt it would be better this way. I'm sorry but I must inform you that Phil has died in an automobile accident four days ago." He looks for signs of distress but except for some pain on David's face, he sees very little. He goes on: "I asked the police to allow me to bring you the news rather than your receiving a phone call. I hope you don't mind the delay that has caused." Phil's mother says: "No, Tyrus. That is fine with us. We appreciate you coming all the way here to let us know in-person. Thank you for that. Was there anything else we can help you with?" Tyke is somewhat confused. He wonders what these people are feeling. He struggles on: "Well, I would be glad to assist you in any way I can. I know this is difficult news to receive but I'd like to help make sure there is as little burden placed on you as possible at this time. I guess the question is how can I help you?" "Why dear, what do you mean?" "Well, ma'am, I was thinking about funeral arrangements and the disposition of Phil's things. I can help with that whatever way you see fit. I do live in L.A. and I could help in some ways, I suppose. What kind of arrangements would you like to make to return Phil's body here for a funeral?" "Oh no, Tyrus, we can't have a funeral for Philip here. I thought you would take care of that in Los Angeles." "Oh but why? I thought certainly that you would want him buried here with the rest of your family. Perhaps you have a family plot at the cemetery? It would make it easier for you to visit him." "Tyrus, I don't want to contradict you, but we could never have Philip buried here with our family since he can't be buried in hallowed ground. Since Philip discovered his preference, he chose that life and he was so unrepentant about it, we can't have him buried with the family or anywhere in the cemetery for that matter. It would be blasphemous. You'll just have to have him buried in Los Angeles with his own kind." Tyke is getting kind of misty here but is also getting the message: "But I presume you loved him and would want to at least visit his grave once in a while?" "No, Tyrus, we wouldn't be allowed to do that. There is no point praying for the soul of one who is damned. That would be contradicting God's decision. We would never presume to tell God what is best. The decision has been made. Understand that we have been expecting this for a while now and only wondered when it would happen. God's punishment is swift but it's His will when he takes His revenge. We can only wait and watch. So, you see, there isn't much we can do now." Finally the message is getting to Tyke and he's starting to break down. He starts to cry openly and asks through his tears: "I don't understand... Phil was your son. Didn't you love him? How can you be so cold? He was such a good man. He deserves better than this from you." "Tyrus, you may not believe as we do. That much is clear. We understand your regard for Philip. He had great promise. But once he declared himself a pederast, it was out of our hands. We pleaded with Philip to repent and come back to God but he persisted. We could not convince him that it would lead to the loss of his soul. Our religion strictly prohibits us from turning him out onto the street but we were required to shun him and it wasn't long before he decided to move to L.A. and then he was lost. Nobody there would bring him back to God in a godless city and his fate was sealed." Tyke, recovering a bit now, says: "Perhaps he was lost to you, but to me he was a godsend. I've never been very religious but I do know that Phil was God's gift to me. He was the sweetest, gentlest soul I'll ever have the privilege to know and I cherish him every day. I'll take the initiative and have him buried and I will let you know where that is in case you change your minds. There is the formality of getting your permission to bury him since according to the law, I was unable to become his official next-of-kin without a great deal of legal effort. We just never thought it would be necessary. I couldn't conceive I'd be needing this but a good friend in L.A. who knows the world better than I do slipped the proper form into my bag while I wasn't looking and it seems it has come in handy. Could you fill in this form for me so I can go about the business at hand." "Of course, dear. John, will you fill this in. Tyrus, I'm sorry you see us as cold. We will mourn Philip in our own way and in our own time. God permits that; in fact He encourages it. I'm also required to remind you that you still have time to repent. We all sin and God accepts sinners back to the fold at anytime if we will just repent. Please think about that while you return to L.A." "Thank you ma'am. I will be doing some additional talking with God and if He is willing, I hope to come to know Him better in the years ahead. I need his guidance to understand all that has happened recently." "That's very wise, Tyrus." Tyke waits quietly while Mr. Hansen finishes the form. He hands it to Tyke and Tyke places it in his bag. He shakes Mr. Hansen's hand and thanks him. He also shakes Phil's mother's hand. He steps over to shake David's hand but David pulls him into a bear hug and whispers "Thank you" into Tyke's ear. Tyke thanks them all and leaves the house. He goes to the rental car and sits in the seat but doesn't move to start it for a while, thinking of what has just happened. Watching from the window, David sees that Tyke is crying all over again. He tells his parents that he is going to check on Tyrus and be sure it is safe for him to drive. They protest a bit but David hasn't left much room for discussion. He walks toward the car and knocks on the window. Tyke opens the window and looks at David. He can see the family resemblance to Phil for the first time. Funny how you see things differently sometimes. David says: "I was worried about you. Will you be able to drive OK?" Tyke says: "Sure. Give me a minute to recover and I'll be fine." "I can see that you loved Phil very much. He was all those things you said in there. I missed him so much when he left. It was like a huge hole opened up inside me. I'm glad he found you. I think you were God's gift to him as well. I do believe as my parents do; it was the way I was raised, but I couldn't dismiss Phil from my mind the way they did. I've probably sinned by doing that but I hope God will forgive me that. Phil and I have kept up some contact over the years when I was able and I hope I can stay in contact with you the same way. I think we have a lot to discuss and I'd like to hear more about Phil's life with you and more about how he died. Please allow me to do that. Would that be OK?" "Of course. Write me. I'll be living at the apartment we shared for a while at least. I'll send you my cell number and we can keep in touch when you are able. I'm sorry for your loss." "Thank you. Please be well and I hope you meant what you said about prayer. I know you and I have different views of God but He's the same for each of us and any contact with Him is good. He will help you move forward." "Thank you for that. I will pray for some kind of understanding." "Go with God." David reaches in through the window and caresses Tyke's face and wipes away a tear that has fallen down his cheek. He turns around and goes back into the house. Tyke finally starts the engine and drives away. He has lots to think about. Soon, Tyke arrives back at the airport and is waiting for his flight back to L.A. He planned a longer stay than was needed but isn't able to change his reservations for an earlier flight back with such short notice. He has that time alone he craves and he starts to pray in earnest. He prays for forgiveness for all the bad, dark, hateful things that were going through his mind when he was with the Hansens. He prays for forgiveness for all the vile things he said to Morris. He prays God will inspire Morris to forgive him for his behavior recently. Finally he prays for Phil and hopes that God wouldn't condemn him to hell for his loving heart and his embrace of his homosexuality. He prays too that the Hansen's view of God is mistaken and that God will smile on gays as long as their love is selfless and true. Tyke has always believed that and hopes it's true. He prays for a way for him to find his way in the world without Phil by his side. He also prays that God will comfort David while he is mourning Phil and that he can understand Phil's life in perspective and see the love Phil gave and the love he received for what they were. Prayed out, Tyke starts to cry again, but less from the pain but just for the loss. He misses Phil so much. He knows, too, that it will be hard to spend that first night at home without him. Their bed will seem so cold without Phil's loving presence. He dreads it but knows, too, that it is part of the healing and that comforts him. Sooner than he would have thought it is time to board his flight. During the flight, Tyke decides that if there is one thing he will do when he reunites with his surviving friends, it will be to ask them about their families. He realizes now that with the exception of Morris, he knows virtually nothing about his friends' families or their upbringing. He vows he will find out about their stories and share his own with them so they will understand each other better. He wonders why it has taken him so long to think of this. His flight lands at L.A.X and he grabs a cab and soon he is home. He opens the door and sees all the reminders of Phil. The place is exactly the same and he wonders why... Phil's gone but he could just as well walk into the apartment right behind him. All the things Phil touched and loved are here just the way they left them on that far-away day when they took off for Flagstaff. He puts down his bag and realizes he's very tired and goes to the bedroom and prepares for bed. As he falls into the big, empty bed he realizes he'll be asleep in minutes and he won't have the time to miss Phil much before he can sleep. He's glad of that. Tyke awakes with a start and flings out his arm to support himself while he sits up, but something is wrong. His arm strikes something fleshy and he's confused. He went to bed alone and expected to be that way when he woke up. But here's evidence that he isn't alone. His elbow is protesting the blow and then he hears a sleepy voice beside him... "Ow! Tyke? What was that for?" He looks over and there is Phil beside him. He can't believe his eyes. He practically jumps onto him and squeezes him tight. He doesn't understand what has happened but Phil's alive and right beside him. He smothers Phil with kisses and Phil needs time to get his breath. Phil says: "Slow down, Tyke... You could at least give me time to wake up before you molest me..." Tyke rolls off Phil shaking his head wondering what kind of miracle is this. He thinks: I didn't even think of praying for this last night. Phil has recovered enough to say: "I know you are a horny SOB but there is a limit. Either do me in my sleep or let me wake up. You decide." Tyke practically falls out of bed with laughter and joy but Phil thinks he's gone 'round the bend. Tyke is talking a mile-a-minute now and telling Phil how he's missed him and telling him he was getting ready to plan his funeral and how he was surprised about his parents reaction and how David was taking the news and Phil has to stop him to get a word in edgewise: "Tyke, slow down... I don't understand what you're saying. You were talking about my parents and my brother. And what's this about a funeral?" Tyke says: "I met your parents and David and their reaction was so cold when I told them you had died. I was dumbfounded but I saw how they were distant about you since you moved to L.A. but I'm so glad David has kept in touch with you. You need that support from him. He really loves you." "But Tyke, I never told you about my parents or David - how did you meet them?" "I flew out there last night and told them about your death. I was surprised they took no interest in planning your funeral. Now I'm going to have to call them and tell them the good news. They're going to think I'm crazy..." "I'm starting to think that way too. When did you see them?" "Last night, silly. I flew back late last night. When did you get here anyway. I don't usually sleep through it when you get into bed after I do." "Tyke, now you're starting to scare me. We went to bed together after coming back from spending time with Morris. It was a late night but he needed us so much. We put him to bed and then we left for home. You and I were both wiped out and we practically fell into bed as soon as we got home. Don't you remember that?" "Oh, God! Morris... I need to go see him right away and beg for his forgiveness. I treated him so badly. I was such a shit. I wouldn't blame him if he never forgives me. We should go over and see him right away. I've learned so much and I need to tell him how I feel. Come on and get dressed. We need to go see him right away." "Tyke, slow down for a minute. He's only been in bed a few hours and the poor guy is hurting... why don't you let him sleep a while?" "I just can't let this wait. I realize now that if you wait for these things, they will slip through your fingers. God, I hope he can forgive me. Come on, sleepy, get a move on." "OK, OK. Just let me get my pants on or should we go over there naked?" "Hmmm. Strange, I don't remember taking off my underwear. Couldn't keep your hands off of me, huh?" "Just let me get dressed and you better do the same... don't want anybody to throw a net over you do we?" "Ha-ha... hurry up." "OK, but I'm driving... you're in too much of a hurry." "But you drive too slow!" "It's that or nothing... you could walk, I suppose." "OK, OK." Phil and Tyke arrive at Morris' place and let themselves in. (Things have gotten so loose and comfortable with them that they have given them their own set of keys.) Phil is kind of relieved he didn't need to wake Morris just yet by ringing the bell. He tries one last time to talk sense to Tyke: "Tyke, listen... Morris really needs his sleep right now. Just let him relax and recover and we'll bed down here on the hide-a-bed and catch Morris when he gets up later..." "Phil, I really need to see him now. I need to apologize to him and tell him that I love him so much and we need to talk about what happened last night. Maybe he can figure out what happened." "OK, Tyke but just wait here. I'll go in and wake Morris the right way and I'll ask you in once he's awake. Wait here for a minute, OK?" "Yeah, I'll wait." Phil goes into the bedroom and tries to wake Morris in the most gentle way he can think of. Morris is clearly groggy and isn't quite up to speed yet and he asks Phil: "Phil, what's up. I didn't think I was going to see you 'til the morning - what time is it anyway?" He looks over at the clock through blurry vision and can just make out the time. "Hey, it's only 3:15... this place better be on fire." Phil slumps down on the bed and starts to reach to Morris for comfort. He chokes out: "Tyke is creeping me out. I don't know what's wrong with him. He woke me with an elbow to the ribs this morning and I'm still sore and then he's talking a blue streak about my parents and my brother and how he was planning to hold my funeral and I can't remember what else. I'm afraid he's going crazy. And now he says he has to apologize to you for something-or-other and he won't take no for an answer. If I had let him drive over here I think we would have had another accident on our hands. I hate to ask, but can you talk to him and get him to calm down before I go crazy myself?" "Phil, baby, anything for you. Just let me get my robe and I'll go out there where I can look him over and look him in the eye. You just sit back and take care of yourself and I'll deal with Tyke. He's usually so together - it's not like him to get unhinged like this but the accident has affected all of us in different ways. Just give me a sec." Morris and Phil go out to see Tyke and he's instantly at Morris' side as soon as he sees him. Morris leads him to the couch and watches Phil as he settles into a chair in the room and seems to relax. "What's this I hear you want to see me..." "Morris... God how I needed to see you... I feel so bad about how I treated you... I was just such a rotten asshole to you and I even lashed out at you and I need to tell you I was so wrong. You know I love you and I just fell apart when I saw Phil that way in the car and I blamed you for his death but I didn't realize how strong you were and what you saw after the accident." "Tyke. I'm not sure what you remember from the accident. You can see Phil is right here with us... he wasn't hurt much... just knocked-around. I think you're confused about what happened. And you certainly don't have to apologize to me." "But I said so many horrible things to you. I just don't understand it. It's just so much of a miracle that Phil is alive and I'm so glad of that and later, when we can we need to go over to the ICU and see Grant and tell him the good news about Phil." Morris takes a long, deep breath and the old pain is back. Tyke and Phil can both see the pain mounting in his face and he can just barely get out the words: "Tyke, I know you aren't capable of such a cruel joke. You must be so confused. Grant isn't in the ICU." "What do you mean, Morris. I just saw him there a couple of days ago. He looked like a mess from all his injuries but he was so sweet and happy being with us and it made me feel so good to see him alive. And now we can be together again, all four of us..." "Tyke, you need to get a grip. The accident was just yesterday. You and I and Phil were hardly injured much in the accident but Grant took the full force of the crash in his door. It was horrible to see it. Grant died instantly. He never even went to the hospital. This morning I need to go over and identify his body." By this time Phil is crying freely and Tyke is just looking stunned. Morris is just too wrung out to register much emotion any more. "Phil, If you would, I need you to sleep out here. There's just not enough room for three in the bedroom. Tyke, you come with me. I think we all will need some additional sleep. This day will be a challenge for all of us." Morris leads Tyke into the bedroom and helps him off with his clothes. He puts him to bed then gets in beside him and spoons Tyke's back. Tyke is trembling now and the realization is starting to dawn. Tears are flowing and he realizes the loss Morris has suffered. He tries to speak but Morris shushes him. He whispers: "Tyke, I know you're confused now. We'll work this out together in the morning. For now, please try to relax. I need you with me and I don't think I'll make it through the day without both of you. Just sleep for now and we'll talk again in the morning. I love you so much. Sleep..." Morris wraps his arms around Tyke and holds on as if the whole universe would fly apart if he didn't. Tyke does feel the love and although he doesn't understand, he finally does fall asleep. Morris isn't so lucky. His mind is racing thinking about Tyke and worrying that he may have suffered additional trauma that isn't visible. Once Tyke is asleep Morris notices that he is becoming agitated and thrashing around some in his sleep. He tries to keep hold of Tyke but has to loosen his grip to allow Tyke some room to move. Morris tries to calm Tyke by brushing his face and hair gently and just being there, touching him. After about a half-hour, Tyke stops thrashing and seems now to sleep soundly. Morris is relieved and falls asleep himself. Tyke awakes from his dream to find he's not just alone but in a totally unfamiliar room. It is empty and stark. There's nothing at all familiar about it. There's nothing to see about it. It is gray and cold and unremarkable in every way. There are no windows, no doors, no nothing. Just a bed and Tyke. He's woken up with a jolt and is starting to remember his dream: He remembers the feeling of sitting on the cold, hard plastic back seat of a police cruiser with his hands cuffed behind his back. He can hear the police officers talking outside. They are saying: "I've never seen anything quite like it. Just a horrible scene. I don't know how he could have survived. He's covered with blood but none of it is his own. He doesn't seem to have a scratch on him. What was he thinking? So much death all around." An officer comes up to the cruiser door and opens it. He says: "Listen, Tyrus, we'll be taking you over to the hospital so they can look you over and get you cleaned up. Once they are done, we'll be taking you to the local lock-up for the night. I really shouldn't tell you this but you look like an OK kid so I figure you should know. We expect you will be charged with four counts of vehicular homicide tomorrow morning. When you get the chance to make that call, you better make it a good one. Just think about it. What were you thinking?" The officer closes the car door and soon they are on their way. Tyke is trying to figure out the meaning of this and it hits him in the gut: Four charges? Homicide? He tries to do the math. What four? Last he remembers they were traveling towards home having a good time. He was driving a little too fast, maybe not paying attention like he should. Soon he gets a chill and he's shuddering again just like before but it just won't quit. He's having trouble controlling the car. He notices the light ahead changing from yellow to red but he can't seem to move his feet. Suddenly there's a shadow in front of him and everything has gone black. He thinks: Three plus one equals four. Three good friends and one stranger. Homicide. They're all dead. Just as suddenly as the accident happened, he has realized that his whole world has ended. The phone call - who would he call? There's nobody left in the world who would give a good fuck about him any more. He starts to cry for them and for his lonely worthless life without them. He cries himself back to sleep and wishes the earth would just swallow him whole. Tyke awakes from his dream to find he's not just alone but in a totally unfamiliar room.... Thomas Fuller wrote in 1650 that "It is always darkest just before the Day dawneth." Well, dawn is about to break but you'll miss it unless you stick around for Part 10! Author's note: Please consider donating to nifty.org They are the founders of this feast and if not for them, what would all of us horny, voracious readers do? http://donate.nifty.org/donate.html You may contact me at snow.steve22_AT_yahoo.com if you have questions, suggestions, niggles, complaints, propositions or whatever. Just don't bother to spam me. I don't have the time or energy. Thank you.