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38
The setting for Matt and Ali's wedding was exquisite. The
farmhouse had white curtains draped in swag from the top and in simple columns
along the side. White chairs with lace were arranged in rows on a wooden floor.
The motif of the wood looked like old fencing and barn doors. It was country
chic. To the sides were hay bales stacked in arrangements with arrays of
flowers and candles placed atop. Pumpkins added fall dιcor, along with
arrangements of fall foliage, even if it was artificial. It was autumn elegance
done in a barn. I loved every bit of it.
Rehearsal went smoothly, and the wedding party and two
families went out to dinner.
Matt leaned over to me as our meal was being served.
"I'm so sorry about inviting your parents. We didn't know."
"No problem. Ali's been close to Mom for years. It'll be
okay. Dad can't be a big enough ass to make a scene at your wedding."
"Trent, you're my oldest friend. I don't want any painful
feelings to hit you tomorrow."
"I promise to bask in the love of the bride and groom and
not let anything else in the world affect me."
"You're so mushy," he said softly.
"Oh, you have no idea, dude. You should hear Mike and me."
"I'm glad he's your plus-one. I wasn't sure if you two could
make it work. But you did. Can a guy say that you two are an adorable couple?"
"If the guy has good eyesight," I shot back.
We laughed. I hugged him in the seat next to me.
"I'm so happy for you and Ali. It seems like it has been
forever, but we're only 22. How long is forever at our age."
"Five years. More. It was right at the end of our junior
year in high school."
"Then you know it's for real."
"I couldn't imagine being with anybody else for the rest of
my life," Matt said.
October 3
Today is Matt and Ali's wedding.
I felt it worthy of one of the last pages in this journal. I'm so very happy
for them. They've lasted the test of time. Mike and I have for almost eight
months. It's funny, I just wanted to make sure the two of us lasted through the
break when I started writing this journal. Now, eight months seems like ages
ago, and yet, compared to Matt and Ali, we're still young in this relationship.
I've never really considered "the rest of my life." Matt couldn't picture his
life without her. Did Mike think of me like that? Yet? Do I? I could picture
myself with him forever. Our love seems strong enough to last. At what point do
you start contemplating such things? Or is just being happy for what is "now"
good enough?
Mike and I arrived early because I was in the wedding party.
The other groomsmen and I congregated with Matt. I didn't have a chance to
really think about my parents. I glanced over to where the guests were parking
when a car honked from being locked. Near the end of a row was my parent's car.
I knew they were here. I tried not to think about it.
Forty minutes later we were walking down the aisle to begin
the ceremony. The weather couldn't be more perfect. Matt and Ali couldn't care
less about tradition. They shot a lot of their pictures earlier in the day when
the sun was creating a perfect blue sky. We would still take a few after the
ceremony.
As I walked down the aisle, I saw the backs of the heads of
parents sitting on Ali's side. I took a deep breath. I hadn't seen Dad since
blowing up at him at the house. We hadn't communicated at all. I needed to forget
that for now. It was the wedding. That was the only thing that mattered.
The ceremony was beautiful. Mike was sitting just behind
Matt's family. He looked incredibly handsome all dressed up. I expected the two
of us to take several pictures for ourselves. The setting was beautiful, and we
looked pretty spiffy. I couldn't help but look at him frequently during the
ceremony. He winked at me several times. How I loved that man.
The minister was saying so many things. My mind was all over
the place before I realized I hadn't been listening. Fortunately the best man
wasn't required to take a quiz.
When the vows started taking place, I shot a glance to my
parents. Mom looked nice. Dad was well dressed but my blood boiled just looking
at him. I needed to ignore him.
In time, Matt and Ali were kissing and the crowd was
cheering. Before long, the wedding party was taking their turns down the aisle.
We were told to remain close for a few more pictures. The audience moved to a
different part of the barn where the reception would take place. Mike hung back
to stay with me. I was glad. He knew so few people here anyway, so that was
probably the best for him. I wanted to be with him.
The photographer did a great job of positioning us. I think
I was second only to Ali in not wanting to wait to see how they turned out. I
told her she had to invite me over the second the photos arrived. Since Mike
was standing there, she asked the photographer to take one of the two of us.
She wanted one.
She and I chatted when we could during the photo session. I
told her how beautifully it all turned out, not to mention her. We hugged a lot
in the afterglow of the wedding.
In due time, Matt called out, "Lots of people are waiting to
see us. We should go greet them."
Mike walked up to me all smiles. We stayed behind for a
minute to shoot a couple of selfies in the setting. I grabbed one of the ranch
hands to take a couple more. As we scurried to meet the others, I realized Dad
was standing there. He had been watching.
Fuck.
I couldn't avoid it. We had to walk right past him to get to
the others. Did I attempt to say anything? Or was it better to walk right past
him.
As it turned out, Dad stepped up to us. He initiated a conversation
I didn't want to have. Any conversation.
"I realize neither of you wish to see me, and I fully
understand that. I don't blame you. I hope you will allow me to talk to you for
a few minutes."
My body stiffened. Mike put his arm around me and held me
close. Neither of us had any intention of being anything other than a united
front.
"There is no reason why either of you should forgive me, but
I'm standing here ... asking ... pleading for you to forgive me. I've been living
in hell for the past month. I regret my actions. I was wrong. I've watched you
two today. I can see it. You two fit. You belong together. You make each other
happy. It's not what I ever pictured, but that's ... my shortcoming. I just want
to say I'm very, very, very sorry. I hope you can forgive me."
Neither Mike nor I said anything.
"I appreciate you saying that, Dad.
I can't say I can just wave the pain away like that and say I can forgive and
forget. The wound is deep. But I know it wasn't easy for you to say that."
Mike nudged me forward. "Give your Dad a hug, Trent."
I resisted.
"He's your father, Trent."
Dad slowly held out his arms. I didn't want to move into
them. I felt obligated. It was a stiff, awkward hug, but I felt his arms wrap
around me. I wasn't ready for this but having Dad hug me did have a small
amount of comfort. It was a step. I couldn't deny it.
He probably didn't think I could hear it, but I could tell
he mouthed "thank you" to Mike.
"We should probably get in there," I said, breaking the hug.
I held Mike's hand and we walked to the others. We left Dad
behind.
The reception was not an all-day affair. There was plenty of
food, but it wasn't a sit-down dinner, music and dancing situation. It was
simpler than that. It was expected for people to mingle for one or two hours,
but not much beyond that.
"Hi, Mom."
"Trent. Doesn't my boy look handsome," she said to me.
We hugged. She then hugged Mike. He accepted it. In fact, he
returned it warmly.
"You two look marvelous. Let me get a picture."
We posed.
"I take it your father has spoken to you."
"Yeah. He asked for us to forgive him. I'm not sure how easy
it will be for me to forgive and forget."
"I can forgive him," Mike surprisingly said.
I looked at him in shock.
"I'll try, but as I told him, the wound is deep, Mom. He cut
us both deep."
"At least we seem to be on the right path now," she
returned.
"I hope."
After a couple of minutes of talking about how beautiful the
wedding was and how happy we were for the lucky couple, Mike and I moved on.
I wanted to introduce Mike to Ali's parents. I wasn't sure
if she had told them that I was gay. Surely, she had, but I wasn't sure what
the reaction might be.
"Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Angelino. I want to introduce you to
someone. This is my ... this is Mike. He's ... he's my
boyfriend."
"Hi, Mike. It's wonderful to meet you. Trent, you look so
handsome. You both do."
She also wanted a picture of us. We posed and smiled.
Overall, the afternoon went about like that. Smiles,
pictures, hugs, hellos. Eventually, we threw rice at the couple as they whisked
away to head toward a honeymoon in Hawaii.
When we arrived back at Mike's house, neither of us were
hungry. We had managed to eat quite a bit between socializing at the wedding.
I was enjoying the fall weather. The evening was getting
cool. As the sun was setting just around 7 o'clock, we sat on the back deck.
The sky had beautiful color. We brought out a simple blanket and sat under it
holding hands.
"How do you feel about talking with your father," Mike
sheepishly asked.
"Better. I guess. I don't know. It certainly is a big step
forward. I need to acknowledge that. I don't know how you can forgive him
though."
"Because he asked me to. He's the father of the man I love.
That gives me something to work with."
I squeezed his hand. I just didn't think I could ever
forgive and forget. Maybe time will lessen the blow since we have started
healing. Maybe.
As the sunlight slowly slid away, we snuggled closer. I
talked about all my favorite parts of the wedding. He said his favorite part
was how handsome the best man looked. I held him closer.
"Can I talk you into the bedroom?" I asked.
Five minutes later, stripped of our clothes, we slipped into
the sheets with a flickering candle casting our shadows on the far wall.
We kissed and let our hands roam over each other's skin.
"What would you prefer tonight, Mr. Best Man?"
"I love just holding you this way," I replied.
We let that be the moment. Holding, touching, gentle groping
paired with deep kisses. We rolled and wrestled in the sheets. We could feel
our erections press into each other. Maybe it was the wedding; I'm not sure. We
were two men deeply in love, and we felt it. My hands grazed his beard. I had
shaved my facial hair for the wedding. I figured I would ask tomorrow if he'd
like me to grow it back.
He groped my rod under the sheets.
"Bring that up here, baby," he asked me.
I got on my knees and spread my legs over his chest. My
erection felt like titanium steel. We had kissed for so long. I was fully
aroused with our passion and lust. I let it enter his mouth. I groaned as his
lips and warm mouth began to lubricate the length of my shaft. Gently, I moved
in and out, thrusting my hips to and fro.
I groaned rather lightly. "Ohhh, Michael. I love you. I love
you so much," I called out.
He hummed into my penis. My brain translated it to him
returning the same message.
As I fucked his face, I glanced at our shadows. I could see
him stroking his dick. His silhouette made it hot. The flickering candlelight
illuminated our silhouettes with a romantic glow. Our darkened contours on the
wall thrust and arched in masculine grace. Even though I hadn't been on the
team in half a year, my torso and arms still looked fit the shadows of our sex.
"Yeah. Oh, Michael. It feels so good," I softly spoke as I
continued to thrust my flesh into his mouth.
His hands gripped my ass, but he let one move over, and his
index finger began teasing my hole. It wasn't lubed, so it would have
difficulty sliding inside, but he still poked and massaged the pucker of my
ass. The gesture pleasured me.
We didn't change positions. His oral service continued to
stimulate me magically. I had always loved his blowjobs, and our day full of
loving commitment made the act of lovemaking more romantic. It literally was
making love. I loved him. I loved pleasuring him and being pleasured by him. My
thick shaft was harmonic.
I watched the shadow of my hips thrust forward. One hand
returned to his dick, and he stroked his erection harder. I liked seeing it
projected on the wall.
He moaned louder, enjoying devouring my cock. We worked our
rhythm well. I matched his strokes with my thrusts. I felt his moans
reverberate through my flesh. The audible seal on my hard, stiff skin was
hypnotic. I was lost in the sensation of sex. Loving sex. Powerful sex.
Passionate sex. Mike's sex.
"Fuck, yes. Michael, my cock is throbbing in your mouth. You
make it feel incredible."
Mike's body began to squirm. He was louder as his legs
flinched and bucked. I could see his shadow vigorously stroke his rod. It was
incredibly arousing. I growled in my lust.
His finger managed to find a way to slide up into me. I
screamed in pleasure. That in turn excited him. I watched his work on the wall.
I felt him yell into my cock.
His cum was thick enough to cause a quick shadow on the wall
as it sprayed a foot in the air. His hips were writhing in his orgasm.
"God, you're hot!" I called out.
I gripped the base of my cock and stimulated it even more as
he continued to suck the farther inches of its stiff length. I was close. His tongue
wriggled the underneath flesh of my erection.
"Michael! Yes, Michael!"
My first spasm of semen was met with moaning approval. He
continued making it sound like the most delicious dessert as my dick fired shot
after shot of cum. I stimulated my cock to get every drop to shoot that I
could. The release of male fluid was ecstasy as it traveled through my shaft. I
gave one final scream, and my spasms decreased the volume to final drips. Mike
engulfed it all.
I moved down to kiss him so that he would share it with me
in a deep kiss.
We lay next to each other recapturing our breath. I reached
over to slide a finger through his cum, drawing a heart. Mike grabbed my hand.
He pressed both of our hands into his seed. We both groaned at feeling the
result of our love. Our hands stayed in the sticky liquid for several minutes.
The next morning, Mike was up first. I could smell the
coffee brewing. I went in the bathroom to pee and then walked out to the living
room. Mike was standing naked in front of the patio door.
"Good thing we don't have neighbors that face that door," I
said walking up behind him. I held him in my arms, my naked body poking my dick
into the crevice of his buttocks. "Penny for your thoughts?"
"Just thinking about yesterday."
He didn't offer anything further. I let go to pour myself a
cup of coffee.
We agreed to take a morning jog to enjoy the cooler air.
Enjoying slathering each other's bodies with soap and shampoo in a shower
following the run, we enjoyed more intimacy. It was more kissing than it was
sexual, but equally hot nonetheless.
As we sat at the kitchen table, both enjoying simple stacks
of pancakes, I recalled a moment from yesterday when I was introducing him.
"How should I introduce us to others? What do you prefer?
Boyfriend is a bit `high school,' so ... lover? That sounds kinky. Partner? What
do you suggest?"
Mike got up and went back to the patio door, looking out at
the backyard.
"Mike?"
I got up and walked over to him.
"Sorry, baby. Did I say something wrong?"
"No."
"Talk to me, hon'."
"I made a mistake."
"What are you talking about?"
I turned him to me.
"When you graduated, I felt we should take things slow and
make sure it was the right thing."
"Right."
"I knew moving in together that fast like I did with Ethan
was an unrecommended move."
"I understood."
"But now I regret it. I love you, Trent. I wish I had never
let you get that apartment. I want you here. Every day. I want you to live with
me."
"Mike ..."
I leaned and kissed him deeply. His arms wrapped around me
and held me tight.
"I I'd love that. Oh, honey. I'd love that."
"And to answer your question, I want you to be my partner,
living here with me. The two of us, living life together."
"But ... I have a six-month lease. I guaranteed it. It's a
heavy penalty to break that."
"I know! That's why I feel I made the mistake."
"It was logical thinking. It was smart; it was safe."
"Safe. But ... it wasn't a decision made out of love. I love
you! I'm not sure what to do."
"Meaning ..."
"I want you to live here, but it seems ridiculous to have
you pay for that apartment over there."
I kissed him again.
"How about we think on it for a bit. Maybe I can talk to the
apartment office this week."
"Ha. Good luck with that. But okay."
I called Lance that night. So much to catch him up on: the wedding, Dad, Mike's invitation, etc. He listened
intently to all details. I texted him a picture of the two of us all dressed
up.
"Totally. I'm happy
for you two."
Lance was very
supportive of us. That arrogant basketball player had gone from jerk to a best
friend I didn't know I could have. We could tell each other anything. I knew he
had stronger feelings for me back in the spring, and now he treats Mike and me
as a set-in-stone couple. There is no competition or jealousy. AA had caused
him to do so much soul searching. I knew his friends there helped him share
things. I hoped he would never replace me, though. I still needed to know what
he was dealing with.
After talking, I started warming up some soup on the stove.
Lance called back.
"I have an idea. I've been thinking. You have to pay two
more month's rent, right?"
"Yeah. Plus, I had to pay the last month's rent as a deposit
at this complex, so even though I only have to come up with one more month,
I've paid the last already. I can't get that back."
"I was thinking. What if we can reduce that?"
"How. My apartment complex isn't likely to budge. I'd lose
that deposit."
"I've been wanting to get Jakob out of the shelter. What if
he paid for the final weeks?"
"Lance, I've managed to make my payments on a one-bedroom
fairly easily. Well, I don't have a lot left over. If I had a car
payment, I wouldn't have any at all. Jakob's job isn't going to ... sorry, buddy
... he doesn't make enough."
"Here's an idea. I'll talk with the shelter to see if they
have funds to chip in. If he can pay half, I can chip in some. Would you be
willing to just pay a couple hundred a month to get out of it?"
"Totally!!"
"Okay. Let's explore this idea. Maybe we can make it work."
Mike was all for it. The four of us worked with a game plan
to make it happen within a week. I went back and forth staying at my place and
with Mike. It was a gradual process. Jakob owned nothing, so we didn't have to
move out my furniture, particularly since there was no place for us to place my
things at Mike's. There were still many moving pieces in play, but the idea was
working.
On Wednesday, Mike asked me if I could stop by his school at
4:00 the next day. I asked why but he told me to trust him. I didn't have a
live segment the last hour, so I arranged to take off a little early to make it
over to his campus.
I ducked out of my job Thursday afternoon at 3:30, a half
hour early.
Mike texted me to come to the library. We sat at a table
near the back.
"What's happening?" I said quietly.
"Faculty meeting. I want you here for the beginning. I need
you here with me."
That was certainly unsettling. The bulk of the faculty was
filing in. I didn't have much opportunity to investigate further. Gayle sat at
our table. Mike introduced us. She said she was glad to finally meet me. Mike
was fidgeting like mad.
Principal Keeter got up at the front of the group.
"I've been asked by Michael Terry if he could speak for a
few minutes before we begin. Mike?" she said, motioning him forward.
He walked up. For some reason I was nervous. I had no idea
what was going on.
Mike looked around the room. He looked uncomfortable but
took a deep breath.
"Good afternoon, everyone. I don't want to take up too much
time, but something is weighing heavily on me, and I felt this was the time to
do it. I will tell you I am scared to death it's not like me to openly
address my coworkers but I felt this was vitally important.
"This weekend ... October 11 to be exact, is Coming Out Day."
Holy fuck. He was talking about being gay. Holy fuck. Holy
fuck. I was stunned.
"As our youth are beginning to figure out their identity
during their teen years, statistical averages will place at least one or two
students in each of your classes that are LGBT. It's just math. I know many of
you will have varied opinions on such matters and you are entitled to your
opinions but I felt it important to emphasize to each of you that those
students have a weighty challenge placed upon them. I can tell you. As you've
probably figured out, if you didn't know, I'm gay. I know what it feels like to
be a kid in school scared to admit who you really are."
I looked for people to fidget or shift their weight at
Mike's confession. No one moved. He had their rapt attention.
"I know firsthand what it feels like to think you are
completely alone, so different from the rest of your classmates. So many
factors of society tell them they are broken. They can't be fixed. And their
self-esteem is destroyed. It's scary.
"I asked Trent Kyriazi to come today ..."
A few people turned to me. I forgot how to breathe.
"... Trent came to see me last winter. He was finishing his
years at W. Travis., soon to graduate with a college degree. His basketball
team had to use our gym on a few occasions. Having remembered me, he felt safer
coming to me than he did to his own peers. Even at that age, it was
intimidating. Standing in front of you at the age of 31, I can tell you it IS
intimidating.
"Not to put him on the spot, but I'd like to ask Trent to
describe some of the fears and anxiety he had both when he was here and when he
managed the courage to open up to me."
Oh, crap. I didn't expect this. But I talked on the radio
all the time. This shouldn't be a problem.
"Hello everyone. I still see a few of my old teachers ...
sorry, former teachers ... here. It's nice to see you. Mike is correct. I was
scared. It didn't get better in college. I pretty much was figuring it out in
high school. My father didn't want to accept that. He said, `We would have none
of that in this house.'"
I saw several expressions of sympathy from the teachers
sitting near me.
"I had no desire to go on. Life was miserable. It wasn't
like I could just flip a switch and not feel what I felt. I hated life. Mike ...
Professor Terry to me then ... treated everyone in his class so well, we all
looked forward to his class. No matter what, I felt accepted there. I'm sure
that was what made me feel safe talking to him. So ... that's it."
"Thank you, Trent," Mike said.
I sat back down. I hadn't realized my heart had been beating
faster.
"Many of you will remember last winter, we lost one of our
own. Six weeks before Trent came to see me, we came back from the holidays to
the news that one of our students had taken his life. We didn't know why. We
only knew he felt he had nowhere to turn.
"There is no indication that this student was gay. That
could have been one of many possibilities. I can say that suicide is the No. 2
reason for death for people ages 10 to 24. LGBT kids are three times more
likely to seriously contemplate suicide than heterosexual youth. While I am
grateful that I was able to be a bright light for Trent back then, I ..."
Mike paused. His lip quivered.
"I wish I could have done more. Just the thought of
losing Trent ... or any student ... because they felt they had nowhere to turn it
chills me to the bone. Please take a moment to think about your students. See
their faces in your minds and make sure you are going to be someone who will be
there for them. As I mentioned, Sunday is National Coming Out Day. You never
know which of your kids just might be terrified to do just that. Please be
accepting. Please be supportive. Many of our kids come from wonderful homes,
but not everyone.
"Trent and I have a friend. His family kicked him out at the
age of 17. He was honest with them told his parents he was gay and they
gave him 24 hours to be out of the house."
Many of the faculty members groaned at hearing Jakob's
story.
"He went on to a path of abuse, alcoholism and homelessness.
He's putting his life together now, nine years later. I think he's amazing for
surviving as long as he did.
"Full disclosure, Trent and I have become close this summer.
I have been inspired by his courage since he came out to me. Otherwise, I would
never have been able to face this group the way I am doing right now. I did
have to face an accusation from his father that I must have done something to
his kid in high school that turned him gay."
"That's obviously not true!" I called out.
Mike smiled at me.
"But I wanted to impress upon you, to implore you, to be
vigilant in your classrooms. Don't ignore homophobic comments and names. We
wouldn't do it with race; don't do it with this. PLEASE, let's never lose one
student to this.
"Thank you for letting me speak."
Mike walked back to me through a thick round of applause.
Gayle and a few others stood in response to his remarks. I stood to hug him.
"Thank you, Mr. Terry. Your words were powerful," Principal
Keeter said. Clapping continued for several more seconds. "Trent, we're getting
to the really boring stuff now, so I'll let you slip out."
The faculty lightly chuckled. A few former teachers waved as
I got up. Mike escorted me to the door.
"You were awesome," I told him.
"I about shit my pants," he said. "Thanks, babe, for being
here for me."
"I'll see you when you get home, hon'. Our home."
"Love you," he said, turning back to rejoin the meeting.
Mike texted me to let me know the meeting went long and he
still had some work to do. After replying that there was no hurry, I let him
know his performance earned an equally powerful one in bed tonight.
It was after 6:30 when he pulled into the driveway.
"Welcome home, my big, hairy orator you," I said with a bear
hug.
"Thanks."
"I'm proud of you, hon'. Thanks for inviting me to be
there."
"I needed you there. You were my source of strength."
"You're sweet. So, did anyone say anything to you
afterward?"
"Oh, about 700 people."
"Well, that's good. I mean, positive comments, I hope?"
"Yes," Mike confirmed. "We have two super religious teachers
that may have been a little chilly toward my talk, but I think they knew I had
the best interests of ours students at heart despite their views on
homosexuality. A few hugs. Lots of `nice jobs.' Later in my classroom, one of
my coworkers came to my room. A woman. She came out to me. Gayle had indicated
we had one or two lesbian teachers on staff, but I didn't know who. I wouldn't
have picked this person as one of my first choices. It was interesting. She was
very moved by my talk. And appreciative."
"Aw. You're a star."
"No. No, I'm not. I was nervous as hell. My heart didn't
stop pounding until after the meeting."
I hugged him again. He held me and we stood silently
embraced for a moment.
"I love you," I said.
"Love you too, babe. I'm so glad I get to come home to you
every night now. You don't know how happy that makes me."
We returned to the hug, followed by a deep, passionate kiss.
"I gave Jakob your key to the apartment today. He is now out
of the shelter. I told him I may get some things on Saturday and that we would
come visit."
"Sounds nice," Mike said.
"I'm all yours now, 100%. Please don't get tired of me," I
smiled at him.
October 8
Mike drifted off to sleep. What
a big day for him. His speech to his fellow faculty members was touching. I had
no idea he was planning it. I'm sure he didn't tell me because part of him was
probably trying to convince him to chicken out. He was brave today. I'm proud
of him. It was great he included me, even though he threw me a fastball in the
middle of it.
I was going to reward him with
wild, intense sex. Surprisingly, it was one of our most tender, subtle nights
of lovemaking. Long, slow, affectionate and quiet. Us! After almost an hour of
affectionate passion, he fell asleep quickly. I found it hard to go to sleep.
I'm trying to wrap my head around the fact that I live here. I live HERE. It's
such a huge step. Mom seemed excited for us. I even talked to Dad for a few seconds,
and he offered congratulations. It sounded sincere to me.
Lance has told me a few personal
stories of those from his meetings. Just seeing Jakob, it causes me to stop and
feel grateful. I am so extraordinarily happy. I'm not sure why I deserve this,
but it seems like I have been given a lifetime of happiness at the age of 22.
Life is sure to deal some harsh blows in the years ahead, but for the moment,
I'm relishing being in heaven.
That Friday, I worked with my three sets of on-air
personalities for the upcoming week. Typically, the early morning guys were
zanier, trying to be funny as people commuted to work. The afternoon segment
was primarily focused on sports. I got to interject more with the late morning
show. They often spoke of things around town, and I loved spotlighting Jackson
Bend.
Having heard Mike's comments to his faculty the day before,
I pitched Coming Out Day as a topic. Ed and Tara seemed open to the idea for
Monday morning. They knew I was gay and wanted to confirm that I would be okay
interjecting. I assured them I would be comfortable with it.
The 10:00 Morning Show: For Your Information had good
ratings. Ed and Tara had been with the station for more than a decade. Our
state and regional tourism departments would often use them in filmed segments.
I can even recall hearing their voices from my teen years. I liked working with
them.
After broaching the topic several minutes into the show, the
duo introduced me as an actual guest today. I still had to be in the booth to
handle callers and such, but I was engaged in the conversation. Many callers
told stories of their coming out, one of which was actually inspired to do so
on National Coming Out Day. A couple people called to state their religious
perspectives and differing opinions, but the conversations were always calm; no
one was upset.
One wasn't quite as polite.
"I certainly respect people of faith and understand
differing views," I said on air. "But I ask you to think on this. God made me
this way. It seems rather harsh for me to believe that He made me gay, but then
tells me that not only can I not love anyone, but that I can't be loved as
well. Why would a loving God do this?"
The caller went silent. "Well, he didn't make you
gay; you chose to be gay."
"No sir. I wouldn't choose to be gay if I weren't. My family
had a hard time with it. It's difficult to be gay. It is scary to be different
from your peers. I struggled with it all through college. Just for me to open
up to you today still requires a certain amount of courage."
"I'm ... I'm sure it does. I just don't think anyone is
actually born gay, but things just cause it."
"And I respect that you are entitled to your perspective,
but I'd like to tell you about a friend of mine. He was raised in a very strict
family. He had a good upbringing, but they rejected homosexuality. In high
school, he faced the reality that he was indeed gay. Instead of lying to his
parents, he admitted his true self to them. They kicked him out of the house
within 24 hours. That's ... that's not something a young kid `just chooses.' He
has had to endure a life on the streets, finding any place to live. It has
taken him years to start to build a life as an adult. I'm pleased to call him
my friend. He has a wonderful heart and is certainly kind, even with what life
has thrown at him."
"Well, I don't think any parent should do something like that.
That seems cruel."
"Indeed. No matter what your view, these are people. Real
human beings with real feelings. They hurt, they bleed, they feel. I think
everyone should respect individuals with dignity, no matter what their race,
orientation, nationality or political view."
"Well said, Trent," Tara added. "Thank you for calling, sir."
Overall, the show was going well. We seemed to be engaging
listeners, and comments were primarily positive.
"Teresa is our next caller," Ed announced. "Where are you
calling from, Teresa?"
"Oh. Here in Jackson Bend."
"Well, thanks for calling in. What would you like to say?"
"I'm ... I'm not sure if that man on your show... Trent? ... is
friends with my brother or not. We ... our family ... well, my parents ... we kicked
my brother out when he was 17. It could be someone else, of course, but I can
tell you, it changed our family. My parents said it was for the best, but our
mother kept wanting him to come home. The pain is still with her to this day."
Wow. I knew Jakob had a sister, but I didn't know her name.
I wondered if it was her. I avoided mentioning names on the radio. For Jakob's
privacy, I didn't investigate.
"Has she reached out to your brother?" Ed asked.
"No. My father is very strict. He won't budge. But I know it
is hurting her. That Trent is right. How can you not treat a person with
kindness ... your own son? I know it hurt me! For any parent who would remotely
contemplate such a thing for a second, don't. It tears a family apart."
"I'm sorry you had to go through that, Teresa. It must have
been tough," I said.
"It still is. But at least I got to see him recently. I'm
trying to stay in touch."
"That's great news," Tara said. "He needs you, and it sounds
like you need him. Please keep that connection going."
"I will. And Trent, I hope your friend is okay too."
October 12
The station owner drove to the
studio today. He said my segment was one of the best he's ever heard. The
manager called me into his office before I left today. He told me I was being
given a raise.
* * * *
There is much to discuss: timothylane414stories.blogspot.com
Email: timothylane414@gmail.com