Date: Thu, 23 Sep 2004 23:38:04 -0400
From: S N <sum1plezzcall_911@hotmail.com>
Subject: Ladulcevida, chapter 17

       Disclaimer: This is a FICTIONAL story describing the life and
problems from the POV of a young man.  If you find this type of story
offensive, or viewing this material is illegal where you are, then refrain
from reading it.

      This story is a continuation of Rain_On_Me (found in HIGHSCHOOL
section of nifty)
       Feel free to send email or comments about the story to
       sum1plezzCall_911@hotmail.com or sammie_g86@yahoo.com

-Sorry about the wrong email that I had up before.

Edited

POV will switch between two main characters, Damien and Adrian. Thanks T.W,
you know why.

      LaDulceVida- The Sweet Life

			      WHEN DOVES CRY

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

DAMIEN

I had an aching pain in my head when I woke up. It felt as though my brain
was trying to rip out of my skull. I churned in pain, but found my body so
cramped up. My eyes hurt as I opened them, realizing that it was probably
morning because of the spray of light that pierced into the room all of a
sudden.

"You're awake," a voice muttered, sleepily.

I jumped! The voice was right behind me on my back. I could feel the deep,
masculine voice against my neck. It was a quick shocking noise. I turned my
head to see Quarrion laying right next to me. I hadn't expected him to be
there.

"Quarrion!"

The window had let in a bright light that said it was morning. I wondered
how I had gotten back to my room. Quarrion was laying beside me, on my
bed. I looked around at a time forgetting the headache and cramps to notice
that I was really back in Robbie's building.

I wondered how I had gotten back here. I had left the night after hoping to
meet Quarrion. Why couldn't I remember what happened? Then I looked down
and noticed that I was naked. I wanted to piss my pants! I grabbed the
sheets off of Quarrion quickly to cover my naked body and the woody that I
seemed to have fixed up in my dream.

Pulling the sheets away I saw that Quarrion was there with me. His face was
blankly staring at me. It was a expression of ...I'm not quite sure. He was
naked, his body taking the form of a leopard creeping up on me. He was
crawling on his hands and knees with such a look of desire in his eyes. It
was kind of awkward, to see a man as tall and burly as Quarrion becoming
some kind of sexual deity. If I had not known any better I could have sworn
I saw love in his eyes. I felt like I did when I first lost my memory. All
I felt was complete confusion looking at him sitting there.  I wanted to
try not to jump to conclusions about why we were both laying in my bed
naked.

"What's going on?" I asked, feeling stupid after I questioned him.

His face kind of swelled up, "What you don't remember or..."

"I don't remember."

He looked completely crippled by my words. His sexual position went into a
more sitting position. He didn't say anything but sort of pointed across
the room to the little garbage pale that I had. The pale was gorged
completely with Trojan condoms to the point of overcapacity.

"I'm so sorry," I told him, "I remember leaving here and going to meet you.
I remember us meeting and talking. I remember us going to have a few
drinks---and then---"

That was as far as I could remember. I had gotten drunk I noticed it now
the smell on my breath and the flashing imagery that I was getting in my
head all of a sudden of what had happened the night before. I had only
wanted to prove to myself that I was attractive and didn't always follow
what Robbie said. I wanted to be disloyal because I felt it was the only
way I could start to become independent. I was a man wasn't I? Then why
shouldn't I be my own man.

"Wow, I guess that must be the reason you called me someone else's name all
night," he said and then looked at me. He put emphasis on "all night".

"Look I'm really sorry. I guess I led you on, I guess..."

I couldn't talk anymore and that was because Quarrion has his lips pressed
up against mine. His jock body climbed all over me, touching my neck and
tonguing my face. It felt exciting to have him touching me even though I
felt more uncomfortable then ever with him. I could feel my dick getting
harder as if I had just woken up from a wet dream.

I felt him touching my dick, huddling my cock and starting to fondle
it. The way he touched it all of a sudden was full of passion. I didn't
want to think of what feelings he might have behind his touches, I really
didn't care. His hand just felt so good against it. I wanted him to rub it
down some more.

I tried to pull back but managed to mentally only get my left arm to act
like a base so that I wouldn't fall under the weight of his heavy body;
"What are you doing?"

"Reminding you of what happened last night."

He lips were gentle and so was his hand palming my dick. I let out a deep
moan and leaned back allowing him complete access to my magic stick. I saw
him starting to creep, slowly at a first. He started by pinching my nipples
with his teeth, then allowing his tongue to wash against my abs and blowing
into my navel.

I leaned back being taken into heaven as he began to suck me suddenly. His
lips flexed around my dick engulfing it and deep throating it quickly. I
could feel how moist my penis was laying on the roof of his mouth and then
as he slid the head down his throat it. It was warm! His lips swallowed my
dick completely like the jaws of a snake. He pushed down onto it, pushing
more and more of it into his mouth until he swallowed my entire dick and
was well trying to get my balls in there as well. His jaws groping and
grasping in such desperate attempts to suck all of me made me feel sort of
special. He gave up on that after a few of my loud moans though and started
to lick my balls, sucking the short pubic trim I had on my balls and
thrusting his mouth harder onto me.

"Oh, your mouth is so HOT," I called out, "I REMEMBER!"

I really didn't remember. I mean I didn't want to lie to him, but the head
he gave was unbelievable! If I didn't remember anything, I guess I had the
will to remember.

"Damien..."

"Uh, uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Yeah, what is it?"

He looked up at me with eyes full of desire, "Play with my ass...the way
you did last night."

I didn't remember a dame thing about how I played with his ass last night!
Still, how many possible ways could you play with someone's ass. I
immediately took my two longest fingers (my index and middle) then
proceeded them to flutter them around his hole. His hole was hairy and wet,
making it clear that he still had some lube left over in there.

I teased him for awhile but it wasn't long before the tease ended. He
pushed back against my fingers as he sucked me off, allowing my fingers to
be completely absorbed by his ass. He began to slide up and down them,
slipping them deep into his ass and then almost shitting them out.

He pulled back off my dick, with man drizzle all over his lips; "PUT MORE!"

"More what?"

"FINGERS!"

I let three fingers down and watched as he drove his ass back, assaulting
my fingers in a warm moisture of ass flesh. His ass dug into my fingers, as
he began another attempt to put my dick and balls in his mouth at the same
time. The big, tall hunk-man succeeded this time, sucking on both of them
at the same time in a wanderlust.

Again I heard him saying, "I want more..."

I had no choice this time! He basically shoved the condom in my hand after
that. He seemed to want me so badly. Robbie wanted me too but Robbie was
much more subtle and vague in a sexually teasing way. This guy's
determination was only to have me inside of him now. He said everything
but, "If you're a man you would fuck me right now and here."

I mean it wasn't everyday a guy challenged you. It was as clear as day by
now that he wanted to be fucked and that was the kind of play he was
talking about. We laid on our sides and he lifted up one leg to allow a
clear entry into his ass. He then proceeded to glide his fingers to my dick
and escort it to his asshole. Did he think I was going to miss or
something?  I didn't know why I was being intimidated by such a strong
conducting sexual partner, but the intimidation turned me on in a way...I
guess. The desire I felt that he had for me was unbelievable, it was like
he wanted me to please him immediately. I thought that Robbie had a sex
drive, but this guy seemed to be trying to take Robbie's own sexual medal
in my mined. I felt a little used while I was doing it...sort of like a
dildo or something.

I didn't feel very bad after a while, pounding his pink hole. I thrust my
dick into him until he screamed out that it was too much. That was when I
decided to take it slow and try to get my own pleasure from it instead of
just trying to prove to him that I had the talent. My long dick curved into
him making his back bend in an unbelievable way.

"Ugh, that's how I like it daddy!"

It was funny having a guy bigger, older and hairier than you calling you
daddy. He loved the dick I figured. He loved how it surrounded him. His ass
was hairy, but it was also very shapely. His ass was loosening up each time
that I fucked it until it felt almost like I was fucking a pussy. It slid
in thoroughly, in and out with little friction and a lot of wet, squishy
noises.

I fucked him for a good hour, my thrusts starting to get weak from exhaust.
He sure lasted a long time.

"Ahh, fuck I'm gonna CUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!"

He breathed heavily, gasping like he was having a child, "Hold it! HOLD IT!

All the while sitting there all I could think about was fucking that boy
that had hugged me yesterday. The mixed hot boy with the tight round ass
and thoroughly thick dick. The boy with the face that looked like he was as
innocent as an angel. I remember from the note what his name was...Eric. I
remembered how he let me grind up against his body. I knew that he had
noticed I was just trying to get material for a good jerk off session or
two, but he allowed me to do it. I remembered how his eyes looked deep into
me as he told me things that meant exactly NOTHING in my head. I remember
his body, his pearly cinnamon coated body. I remembered everything except I
hadn't listened to a single word that he said. Not everyday some cute guy
acted like that to you, so what was I expected to act like?

"AH!"

I realized that we both shot cum in the same time. I shot it inside of the
condom and he shot it all over my sheets. He moaned loud, so loud that I
was so scared that someone might hear him.

I pulled out, cutting the orgasm short because I had just realized what we
were doing. I was having sex with a guy that I had just met the day
before. It only took him one day to get me naked. It made me wonder how
expensive my tastes were that I was just going around having sex with a
complete stranger.

I pulled the sheets up over me, "Dang, I'm tired."

The orgasm had definitely released most of the tension I had with the
headache. I just felt completely tired now, completely unreturned. He
leaned over and kissed me swiftly but this time it wasn't a hot kiss. It
was just a sort of soft dazzling kiss, making me wonder things.

"I'm probably going to miss you," he said, his voice having a sort of
passionate side that scared the crap out of me.

"Now don't go falling in love," I warned him with a laugh. I was dead
serious, "I have to tell you something."

I had seen that face in the mulatto boy from yesterday with the sand-tinted
skin and had seen it in Robbie. The difference was those two boys knew a
Damien that I didn't even know, they probably knew more about me than I
did. This guy and I were strangers in every way you looked at it. His clear
looks seemed to speak more then just sex. It made me afraid that he might
want more out of what just happened.

"What is it?"

"Well I am sort of with this guy---"

"You have a boyfriend?"

A boyfriend? No that wasn't what Robbie was. Robbie had never told me
exactly what we were in the old days. He had never told me anything about
my old life.

"Sort of," I said, not wanting to give too much of my story out, "I am with
a guy named---"

"Robbie Knight?"

I nodded. He was getting on my nerves with ending my sentences by now so I
just sat back and allowed him to continue since he seemed to be so intent
on talking.

He spoke slowly, "I know who you are. I know who Robbie is. I haven't been
totally honest with you either..."

"You know me?" I asked, "You know who I am?"

"No, not like that," he said and looked around sort of hesitating a bit, "I
sort of was attracted to you because I was curious to know who you were,
since Robbie seemed to show some kind of public adoration for you. Giving
you the job to write invitations for the wedding of the century out of the
blue was a lot of talk on the streets."

"Why were you curious about the talk on the streets?"

He looked at me deeply and then sort of held onto me, "Please don't flip
out if I tell you. I promise everything that happened last night and today
was REAL. You...you are different. You are real. There are always awkward
moments and comfortable moments, but all of them feel like reality. There
is no game needed between us. Your face...your lips..."

I was blushing; "Where are you getting at?"

"Let me finish. You are different from most. You are real. You don't belong
here. I mean in the crossfire like this. You may be in danger. You are the
kind of person that is too good for guys like Robbie. You are too good for
guys...for guys like me."

"What kinda guy are you?" I realized just as I said it that I may be
pushing him too far, too fast.

He sat there for a minute and then looked at the bed, "Geez, can you get a
towel or something that I could wrap these sheets up in?"

"I'll get you a towel after you answer my question."

"We definitely made a mess of these sheets. It may stain if it stays long."

He seemed reluctant. I knew he didn't care about what condition the sheets
were in. I guess he wanted to think about what he was going to say. I
breathed deep giving up and walking to the bathroom. That was where most of
the towels were. I realized not too soon that Robbie had all these luxury
towels in his cabinets. They were like designer towels. The man had Armani
towels, like anyone really cared what kind of towels they had. I looked
around the HUGE bathroom. Not to mention I was naked and sort of sticky
this whole time. It definitely wasn't something that I wanted to be
doing. I looked in the cabinets and finally found one that didn't have a
brand name to it. It was just a regular towel.


That was when I turned and looked in the mirror at the person looking back
at me. It was a boy with emotion that were strong enough to drive this
hormone thing I had going on. I mean, it felt almost like I liked the
feeling of being wanted. I felt I was wanted by the wrong people for the
right reasons. I felt a short click but I thought nothing of it really. I
turned toward the mirror, searching deep into my eyes. For a moment, I had
these feelings...these feelings that sort of made me feel like I was going
to remember something...somewhere.

The feeling that I was going to remember came with these short, extravagant
flashes of light and images. I didn't know if they were chronological or
even really recognize most of the faces in them. But they were flashes. A
flash of an explosion. A flash of a car. A flash of a bridge. A flash of
the rain hitting the pavement. Then there was a strange flash. It was a
flash of two figures standing in the rain. It lasted the longest. It felt
so real all of a sudden that I was lost in it. A flustering feeling filled
my stomach as a song started to fill out my ears.

*Rain on me Lord wont you take this pain from me I don't wanna live I don't
wanna breathe Til you just Rain on me Lord wont you take this pain from me
I don't wanna live I don't wanna breathe*

"What's up?"

The dry memory was suddenly mixed up with on of unsure emotions and
feelings. I looked around the room and saw Robbie. He stared back at me
blankly.

At first I didn't know if this was image or reality, but then slowly I
began to realize it was one in the same. I had an image of Robbie but he
was also standing here right now.  He was standing here looking at me naked
bending over the cabinet. I didn't feel strange that he saw me naked, that
wasn't what made me almost choke on my own tongue. He had seen my bare ass
a couple of times since I had been staying here so it wasn't anything
strange to me. The fact that he was even there at all was turning me
blue. Quarrion was STILL just in the next room.

"Robbie! Geez you scared me!" I called out, my mouth getting dry.

I tried not to look him in his eyes. I was feeling really guilty for some
reason about the Quarrion thing even though Robbie never gave me reason to
believe we were more than just friends this whole time.

He let out a slight bent smile that made me feel completely aware of his
suspicion, "I'm sorry. I came in the early flight, decided that I would
surprise you."

He sounded awfully calm, almost as though he hadn't seen Quarrion. Could it
have possible that he didn't notice Quarrion? Was Quarrion smart enough to
hide from him as he walked in?

"I 'am' surprised," I said, trying to keep my composure, "I would've bought
you something for your return or..."

"Or you wouldn't have brought home some company?" he asked.

My face squirmed and I was actually SMILING from embarrassment. We both
started laughing. I wasn't really sure why we were laughing. It seemed so
immediately WB. I was sitting in the bathroom naked while he came and
caught me red-handed having an affair. It was funny in a way, but I knew
that he couldn't put anything on me. We weren't a couple and he also was
out having his own sex with others (women most likely), which I was quite
sure of by now.

With all the laughter I managed to squeak out an old slogan I heard on tv
the day before, "Hey, don't hate the player..."

"Ha, I'll never hate you," he said, his face getting a little bit more
serious as he threw me some pants, "You should get dressed. You're giving
me a boner..."

As I wore my pants, I could see him slowly see him approaching me. I had
barely gotten my pants up when his hands crept underneath them to grope my
ass. It definitely was sexy!  I guess I was making him horny, by the way he
started to kiss my neck. He leaned me against the sink and lifted up my
body with ease, sitting me on the faucet.  I moaned, leaning against the
glass mirror and massaging his shoulders. Suddenly there was a loud noise.

A scream or some kind of bellowing filled the bathroom. It was coming from
inside the living room. My heart throbbed as I pushed past Robbie, noticing
that the voice was Quarrion. My imagination had trailed off into distant
things on what he was crying so loud about. I guess I just wanted to know.

Coming outside I grew stiff at what I saw. It was Byron, Robbie's
partner. I guess him and Quarrion had been wrestling because both of them
looked tired. The two giants seemed to now be a little subtle, since Byron
had a gun pointed out at Quarrion forehead.  Byron's eyes were empty and
full of discontent.

I felt so alone.

"What the hell is happening?!" I demanded immediately.

I advanced quickly, trying to take the gun away from Byron, but suddenly I
was stopped in my footsteps by Byron turning the gun to me and stopping me
in my steps. He was cornered between Quarrion and I. We both knew that he
would only have time to get one shot if one of us decided to jump on him. I
guess that was why I didn't break down and get running at the sight of the
gun.  He switched his trigger between us.

Quarrion looked petrified, his hands up as if suddenly giving into Byron's
force. He didn't move as the gun was pointed to him, he was looking at the
trigger and then turned to me. His eyes pierced into me. It was a face that
I had never seen. It was strange I guess. It was always strange to see a
face of fear. The pure masculinity and sexuality that I had seen in him was
all gone.  His face looked as pale as a corpse.

"Get the gun out of his face!" Robbie barked at his associate and Byron
quickly apologized like a trained dog.

He was talking about me. Byron who seemed to be a little confused, pointed
the gun at Quarrion solely now.  I looked around me, a part of me seeing
the jealousy in Robbie, even though he had tried to hide it in the
bathroom. I knew he was jealous and that was why he had Byron beating up
Quarrion the way he did.

"Damien this isn't what it looks like," Robbie assured me with an innocent
touch on my shoulder, "That guy isn't who you think he is---he's a goddam
spy."

My eyes bulged, "A what?"

He held me by the hands as though to comfort me, "He is Christian Knight's
nephew. He's been trying to inherit the Knight fortune this whole
time. He's only here to spy on me through you.  He's using you like a
toy..."

I looked around the room, completely embarrassed. I felt like shit. I
believed Robbie, mostly because he never seemed to lie to me so
far. Quarrion didn't deny it either, he just sat there and stared down to
the floor in a guilty way. I paced across the room completely embarrassed
about what I had done. Then there was Robbie's eyes. They seemed to be
pounding me into the ground even though he was 'acting' as comforting as
possible. It was almost like he was making quite sure that my feeble
attempt to act independent had terribly failed. I felt inferior to him once
again, felt completely beaten. I had been outdone. The only person I could
bring home had no interest in me at all...he was just here to spy on
Robbie!

I sat down easily on the chair, feeling too embarrassed to stand. Blush ran
throughout my face like water down a river bend. I felt as little as an
ant, crawling around in a forest. All the while I could only look at
Quarrion as he stared back, silently.

Quarrion let out a little, "I..."

But by the time he was done really pronouncing it, Robbie had made his way
across the room to punch Quarrion square in his face. Quarrion fell over on
the floor, blood gushing out of his mouth. A small hidden part of me liked
it that Robbie hit Quarrion. The asshole deserved it, using me like that. A
little slight smile squared around the corner of my face as he did it and
looked back at me as though dedicating the punch to me.

"Gimme that," Robbie demanded and grabbed the gun away from Byron, "He
won't be coming around here to fuck with you anymore, Damien."

I think Byron and I both screamed out at the same time, trying to stop
Robbie from shooting Quarrion. We had both seen how he blew up at the
restaurant that day and I think that Byron had even more experience of
Robbie having out of control tragedies happening.

"Relax," Robbie said smiling and hitting Quarrion with the butt of the gun,
"I'm not gonna shoot this piece of trash. He's not worth the bullets."

"Damien!" Quarrion suddenly called out, crawling across the room until he
was at my feet, "You gotta believe what I'm telling you. At first I was
following you because I recognized you were the guy that Robbie
favored. Even my father favored you. So I guessed that you became the ideal
consort for the leader of the Syndicate. I had bad intentions when meeting
you, but when I got to know you, I really did like you for you. Last night
was the best night of my life...you gotta believe---"

Robbie hit him again in the back of the head with the gun and dragged him
to the other side of the room. He was the second one that was at my feet
because of Robbie. This was getting old.  The feeling of superiority didn't
suit me. I was the type who enjoyed equality in everyone. I guess a part of
me wanted to speak out for Quarrion now, tell Robbie to stop hitting him
and send him home. I just sat there though and watched, not saying anything
and now completely realizing that I didn't enjoy him being beat on. I did
although think it was necessary.  Whether he truthfully did care about me
or not, the fact was that he still lied to me. I guess that was the reason
why I didn't say anything as he was being abused.

I watched as Quarrion was crawling around being kicking by Robbie. Byron
was standing himself like a statue watching it without any emotion or any
real interest in it. I guess he was probably accustomed to things like this
happening. Suddenly I couldn't take it anymore.

I jumped up off the chair, "Robbie, its ENOUGH!"

Robbie's attention turned to me only long enough for Quarrion to jump up
like a leopard attacking him. It happened so fast! He pounced on Robbie
like a tiger or something, grasping onto the gun. I couldn't move and I
knew that Byron had the same problem as me. They were fighting over the gun
now, rolling all over the floor. I felt so afraid for Robbie, knowing I
hadn't meant to scream out as to give Quarrion a chance to get at the
gun. Quarrion was the bigger guy and definitely proved the stronger as he
seemed to toss Robbie's body up and down around the carpet. Robbie however
had this incredible grip on the gun and was just holding onto it while
Quarrion pounded his body over and over.

Suddenly the gun went off, breaking silence.

Byron gasped and I just collapsed back into my chair. The two were facing
each other on the rug, both of them with the same expression. In that same
second, Quarrion's body rolled over on the floor two times and we saw him
bleeding. He wasn't moving, his eyes were still open but weren't even
blinking. He was dead.

"Ow!" Robbie called out probably from the pain of being pushed around by
Quarrion, then as he noticed the body he said, "I didn't mean to! Shit, I
didn't mean to pull the trigger..."

Byron by now was standing over his body and I had moved out of the chair to
shadow over it.  His eyes were just staring out completely still. I knew he
was dead but Byron seemed to find it necessary to check his pulse and his
breathing. He was dead and he was sitting right in front of me! I started
to panic. I fell over on the floor, finding it too hard to stand. All the
strength that I thought a man should have was completely gone. I was
shivering! He wasn't alive! He was dead!

Byron finally confirmed it after moments of complete anxiety, "He's dead.
Fuck we are so screwed Robbie!"

I looked at Robbie and he looked back at me. What he had he done? What had
we all done? I had just watched this whole thing go down and done nothing
at all. I had the possibility to do something but I decided not to. I was
becoming just like them---

"Damien..."

"What the hell are you going to do Robbie!?" I asked and looked at both of
them, "Don't just stand there!"

They did just stand there. They were both watching me. The rug was stained
with blood and the smell of death was already filling the apartment. They
looked at me and I looked at the phone. I made a dash for it but was
quickly wrestled back by Robbie. He was way quicker than I was and wrapped
me around in his arms, so that I couldn't move at all.

"No! You'd better not tell anyone about this!" he said, almost like a
threat, "It was an accident Damien. In fact...it was nothing. It never
happened Damien. Just go in the room and I'll send up the new Sean John
outfits I just bought straight from the runway for you. Ok...GO!"

I backed up away from him, watching him as he turned back toward the
body. I saw as Byron and him started to move the body. I couldn't even
watch anymore. I wanted to run for the phone again but I knew that it was
for nothing. I was just confused, forgetting all morals that I thought I
owned.

I went in the room and closed the door tightly. I put on Robbie's stereo
and just began to listen to slow music gathering all around my ears. I
listened to songs about love and hopes, knowing that none of them had to do
with death. I laid across the body, my hands shaking as I did it. I was so
young, I figured. In a way I was dead already. I mean, I didn't know who I
was and was stuck with Robbie, a guy that I was only beginning to learn
about. I was just beginning to understand who this guy was. Not to say that
I blamed him for the death as much as I blamed myself. It was just that I
recognized that he was capable of being so calm about it as he did it.

My hands were still shaking and my heart still beating. I was still afraid
because I knew right outside my door there was a dead man. My mouth went
dry. My eyes were getting red and I knew I was getting sick. The smell had
been the worst part. There was a smell of the fresh blood and flesh against
the carpet. Quarrion had this smell as he lay there, not strong or anything
gruesome, but a smell of complete regret. It had gone too far I
realized. Robbie had gone too far when he hit him and I had gone too far to
just sit there. I remembered how I had reacted the first time I saw Robbie
punch him. I was smiling. I felt even more sick all of a sudden.

Robbie had come up to the room later, but I completely barricaded myself in
the room. He sent Antonio also who sat at the door telling me how
everything had been cleaned up and we were fine. He had said that the cops
would never find out what happened. He said that nothing would be put on me
ever. He said that Robbie would fix it up so that I never even met a guy
named Quarrion. None of these things made me feel any better because I knew
that Quarrion was dead because of me and that was all that mattered. If I
had never talked to him yesterday, it would have never have happened. If I
had not called him the way late last night, then we probably wouldn't have
ended up this way.

My eyes were dry but my soul was crying because I knew that I was becoming
someone else.  Why couldn't I have stopped him? Why was this so acceptable?
Or maybe I wasn't. Maybe I was just now becoming who I really was. Maybe I
was becoming the real Damien, the one that I had forgotten.

If this was the life that the real Damien lived, then I didn't want to be
the real Damien. I didn't want to know who the real Damien was. I didn't
want anymore dead bodies around. I didn't want to feel as bad as I did
before. I didn't want to feel that bad and yet my body being able to refuse
to cry. This Damien...the one that Robbie liked must have been a curse or
something. Maybe I lost my memory for a good reason...because I had seen so
many terrible things. I couldn't be called Damien anymore. I didn't like
who he was.

"Damien are you there?" Robbie asked two days later, when I finally
couldn't take being crowded inside my room any longer.

I opened the door, "My name is John Doe. That is what they called me at the
hospital and that is the only name I'm answering to from now on."