Date: Mon, 23 Feb 2004 20:22:31 -0700
From: Kris <Dragon@sisna.com>
Subject: Micah Dreams 1

Hi all.. for those of fyou who have read Josh's Journey,this story is an
offshoot of it. Its a darker story though and may or may not have a happy
ending. What is ever after in reality? But hopefully you will all enjoy it
as much as I do.

			       Micah Dreams


	Micah woke slowly at first, then quite suddenly as things like his
sense of smell started to kick in. He sat up abruptly, his right hand
flying up to cover his nose. Beside him on the bed were two men. The
smaller one was streaked with feces and some other noxious looking liquid.
The larger one was sleeping with his mouth open, proudly showing his half
rotted teeth to anyone with the stomach to look. There was no way he had
left the club with those two without having been drugged first. He couldn't
possibly have drunk enough to make them look good!

	Micah looked down at himself. There were brown streaks across his
legs and belly. Crusted on one leg was a substance that looked like
puke. Micah's stomach rolled over.. and up. He wasn't quite sure how he got
to the bathroom but he did. Head down in the toilet puking up God only
knows what, it occurred to him that he was about as low as any one human
could get. His head dropped onto his crossed arms and he started to cry.
What had he become? How could he have let things get so out of hand that he
ended up HERE? And just when he thought he was beginning to turn his life
around!

 	The stench from the toilet and from himself drove him to his feet.
Micah peered into the shower. Strangely it was almost clean. He climbed in
and turned on the water. Hot needles slapped his skin making him whimper.
His head throbbed.

	"How did I get HERE?" Micah asked himself. But he couldn't answer
that, partly because he didn't know WHERE here was and partly because the
last thing he remembered was drinking in The Griffin Friday night. How long
ago was that he wondered. He shuddered. He had been drinking hard that
night... he had been lonely and scared and aching. Now he was awake covered
in feces and puke and ... He shuddered again.

	There was a bottle of shampoo in the shower. It seemed oddly out of
place with the rest of what he had seen of the apartment on his frantic run
to the bathroom. Micah flipped the top open and inhaled strawberrys: his
favorite scent. He poured a large glob out into his hand and worked it into
his matted curls.

	"Its definitely later than Saturday morning," He thought. "My hair
feels like straw!"

	Like most beautiful men, Micah was more than his share proud of his
appearance. He rinsed and scrubbed his hair twice more. There was a sliver
of soap in one corner of the shower and he scrubbed frantically at his body
to remove all traces of the filth that had streaked it. Stepping out of the
shower he stretched, catlike and supple. But, Micah noted, there was a
slight gut developing. Time to hit the gym and do some running. One didn't
have to be completely sober to do either of those things, a fact that Micah
was careful not to admit, even to himself.

	The towel on the shower rod looked as if it hadn't been washed in
years. Micah shivered and rubbed down his arms, legs and body with his bare
hands. He enjoyed the feel of his own body: 6'2' lean and muscular with
clear unblemished ivory skin. Thick curly, shoulder length white blond hair
framed a sculpted Grecian face and bright blue eyes, framed in gold lashes,
took in the world at large. Blond hair curled down his chest to disappear
between his legs. Both males and females, and few he hadn't been entirely
sure of, had been throwing themselves at Micah's feet since he was 12.

	But now, glancing at the door leading out into the one room
apartment, Micah was starting to wonder if beauty was more of a curse than
a blessing. He scrubbed a clean spot on the mirror and studied himself in
it. He wrung out and combed his hair out with his fingers, loathe to touch
the comb in the sink. He was just over 28 and still as beautiful as a god.
But would it last? What would become of him if the drinking and whoring
destroyed his looks? He had shook his head at the old hookers on street
corners waiting pathetically for any dime thrown their way. Was that his
future? With a shudder, he looked around the filthy apartment. Or was his
future lying on that filthy excrement streaked bed?

	"That could be me," he thought.  Sobriety was a bitch. And it was
chewing at him, he needed a drink. He needed a lot of drinks. And he needed
the one person he knew he could count on for help. The one person who loved
him always, even though he had thrown Micah out of his house.

	Micah found his clothes on the floor of the main room with a sigh
of relief. God knows, it wouldn't have been the first time he'd pawned his
clothing to get money for booze. That was one of the reasons he wore
designer clothing, the other being that he looked so damned good in them. A
cobalt blue silk shirt and Calvin Klein jeans, he stuffed his underwear in
his pocket and pulled on his shoes.

	He was just starting to open the door of the apartment when the
smaller guy woke up. He sat up and looked at Micah. His eyes were unfocused
and his face seemed to almost sag. Micah suspected that he had been a very
good looking boy once. The guy wiped his nose with the back of his hand
leaving a brown and snot streak across his cheek.

	"Hey Mike baby, where ya goin?" He asked drowsily. Micah shivered,
somewhere in the back of his head he remembered holding a syringe in one
hand and feeling someone's smooth buttocks against his other hand.

	 "Come on back to bed," the filth streaked guy murmured patting the
bed. "Let's play some more."

	Micah made a strangled noise back in his throat and wrenched the
door open. He leaped through it and ran down the hall not even bothering to
shut the door. He barely slowed down on the stairs and went down all three
flights head first and hell bent. It was several blocks later that Micah
finally stopped running. Winded and gasping, his breath burning in his
chest, he collapsed against a pay phone standing alone in the meager light
of a weak flickering streetlight.

	Whatever time it was, whatever day it was, it was still dark and
the streets were deserted. Micah wasn't terribly worried about it but he
was cold. He had left his jacket somewhere. Maybe the same place he had
left his car. His wet hair had dripped down his back making the silk almost
unbearably cold.

 	Tears were running freely down his face. He needed to make a phone
call, but he had no money. He worked in a damned BANK! He made an almost
obscene amount of money! How could he have absolutely NO money on him! He
stumbled around the hood protecting the phone and picked up the receiver
praying that it was still working. The dial tone buzzed painfully through
his hung over head. He needed a drink so bad.

	He dialed the operator and gave her the number. She put the call
through and frantically he listened to the phone ring.

	"Please be there," he whispered softly.

	"Hello?"

	"KEL!" Micah shouted in relief. The operator cut in asking if Kel
would accept the charges for the call. Kel accepted.

	"God dammit Micah! Its 3 am! This had better be good." Kel's
voice was tight.

	"You know I love you when you're mad," Micah chuckled. "Please
Kel, I need you." He continued at barely more than a whisper.

	"Oh, Micah? What have you done this time?" Kel sounded scared.

	"I don't know. Maybe nothing.. maybe something really bad."
Micah started crying. He described to Kel the apartment and the guys in the
bed. He told him about the feces and the puke and who knew what else that
was all over the bed.. and himself. Kel made small shocked sounds as he
listened. "But mostly, I can't get home. I don't know where my car is or
my keys. Kel.. I'm scared. Kel please, I need you so bad."

	"Shhh," Kel soothed him. "I'm coming, but I have to know where
you are."

	Micah looked around puzzled. He read the phone number on the phone
to Kel but that didn't tell either of them much, except that he wasn't in
Newcastle or Kent or Auburn, where Micah lived.

	"Micah!" Kel sounded exasperated. Micah heard him murmur
something softly away from the phone.

	"What?" Micah asked.

	"Just Josh asking what's up," Kel explained.

	Micah's gut twisted in pain. He had known Kel had a new lover but
he hadn't expected him to be living there YET! Kel didn't usually open up
so fast.. what with all the abuse in his childhood. And his mental illness,
Kel usually moved very cautiously indeed. Micah felt like crying again.
Kel, beautiful little Kel, Micah knew Kel could make everything all right
for him. How could Kel leave him like this?

	"Kel," he whimpered.

	"Micah, its okay. I'm coming. I'm getting dressed.. just waiting
to know where you are. Look around.. find a sign or someplace open."

	Micah set the phone down reluctantly. He was almost afraid to leave
it for fear that his connection to Kel would be severed forever.

	Up the street a little ways were the lights of a convenience store,
Micah told Kel to hang on and ran up the street. The front door was locked
but a woman leaned out the drive thru window. She was 40 ish and not too
bad looking, he had to admit.

	"Sorry," she said. "But we lock the doors until 6 am. Apparently
management feels that criminals knock off at sunrise." She grinned.

	Micah grinned back at her. He knew his power over ordinary people.
All his life, people had been falling over themselves to give him exactly
what he wanted. Except Kel. Kel had yelled at him, screamed at him and
pleaded with him to change and when he wouldn't Kel had thrown him out.

	"Where do I go Kel?" he had cried.

	"I don't know Micah. I don't care! Just go! Leave me alone! I
can't deal with my own problems and yours.. I just can't" Kel had
started out yelling but by the end was crying. Micah knew Kel was lying,
Kel couldn't have stopped loving him. But Micah had gone anyway.

 	Micah strolled to the window casually and leaned on it, praying his
breath wasn't as nasty as he suspected it might be.  He reached in and
stroked the woman's hand. She smiled totally enthralled by the large
gorgeous man in front of her.

	"Darlin," he said in his best throaty voice. "Tell me two things...
number one: where am I? And number two what can I do to get a drink and
maybe a potato log out of you. I do seem to be completely broke at the
moment." He blushed and smiled a sheepish smile that made women and men's
hearts melt.

	"I will, of course, pay you back as soon as my friend comes to pick
me up." He continued in that "aw shucks" tone of voice that had rarely ever
failed him.

	The woman smiled. "Too much party huh?" Micah ducked his head and
grinned. She was hooked and she knew it as well as he did. " You're in Des
Moines." She gave Micah the address. Micah thanked her and leaned through
the window to kiss her cheek. She flushed and hurried off to get him a
drink and something to eat. She returned a few minutes later with a
fountain drink and a Styrofoam box. Out of the box came the smell of fried
chicken. Micah's stomach growled and he wondered when was the last time
he'd eaten real food.

	"Don't worry about paying for it.. I would just be throwing it away
in an hour or so anyway," she said handing him the box, drink and a handful
of napkins.

	Micah smiled at her. He knew she was fibbing but he would be sure
to reward her somehow. He always did, he wasn't a bad man just self
centered and somewhat vain. And he was sincerely grateful to her for the
food. He thanked her warmly and walked back up the street to the phone
booth munching on the chicken as he went. At the phone he swallowed and
picked up the phone.

	"Kel?" He asked softly.

	"Thank God Micah, I was afraid you'd gotten assaulted or
something!" Kel's voice was thick with relief.

	"Nah," Micah said. "Just arrangin a little food. I'm starved."

	He told Kel the address of the convenience store. "I'm half a block
up the street at a phone. Kel? Please hurry. I'm cold. And so scared."

	"I'm on my way, Micah. It'll be a few but I'm coming." Kel's voice
was soft, gentle like a mother soothing a frightened child.

	Micah hung up the phone and leaned back against the booth. He was
scared. Scared of becoming what he had seen in that filthy apartment. Micah
had always been a determined Top but what would happen if his looks gave
out? Would he be reduced to allowing people to take a crap on him just to
get the money for another drink? And a drink, he needed one so bad. Even
just a beer would be good. It would warm him up and help his head... and
stop the bitter nagging back in his head. That nagging that said he had to
have another one.. and another .. and another.

	A car passed by and slowed to a crawl. But when Micah didn't walk
over it sped up and turned a corner disappearing into the night. Micah was
a pro at hustling, he'd been living by his wits since he was 14. Maybe last
week he'd have walked over to the car. If for no other reason than to get
warm. But not now. Not with Kel coming.

	God, he wanted Kel so much. Just to hold the frail little man, feel
the heat off of him. To bury his lips in Kel's wild curls and soak him
up. He had seen Kel a couple weeks before, he had shown up at the bank all
laughing and bright eyed and wanting to buy lunch. Micah had sat across
from Kel in the booth listening with half an ear to what Kel said about his
new book, new lover and new life. But all Micah had really wanted was to
throw Kel down and devour him like a sweet treat. Why couldn't he have seen
Kel this way three years ago? Why did he have to ruin the best thing that
had happened in his life?

	Round and round Micah's thoughts swirled: it wasn't his fault Kel
couldn't be more understanding, why couldn't Kel accept him the way he
was. Then he'd think if I loved Kel so much why couldn't I change for
him, but why was it always Micah changing for others? Why didn't anyone
ever change for Micah? Round and round from self pity to self recrimination
went Micah's thoughts while he waited for Kel to come rescue him.

	In the early morning cold he paced back and forth in front of the
phone booth, rubbing his arms and stamping his feet. Where was Kel? He
couldn't even check the time because his watch was missing, and he prayed
no cop would come by because he didn't even have his wallet on him. It was
probably locked in his car, that was his usual method of protection.
Protection!? He shuddered, a visual of the sleeping men in the filthy
apartment rising in front of his eyes. What kind of diseases did they have?
Had anyone bothered to use condoms? Or had there been no use for condoms?
What diseases could you catch from feces? From puke? Or piss? HIV?
Hepatitis? Micah couldn't remember and wasn't sure if he'd ever known. The
chicken roiled around in his stomach and he smelled the stink of human
feces for a moment. Micah leaned his forehead against the phone booth.

	A car turned on to the street and slowed to an illegal facing the
wrong way stop in front of the phone, Kel's silver Cougar. Kel leaped out
of the driver's seat and ran the couple feet to him. Micah caught him up in
an embrace. Kel didn't feel quite as thin as he had felt the last time
Micah saw him. Kel wrapped his arms around Micah's neck and squeezed.
Micah crushed the thin man against his body, burying his face in the wild
tangle of dark curls.

	"Kel, Kel, Kelkie," he said using the pet name he had had for
Kel. "Thank you. I knew you wouldn't leave me here."

	"Of course not," Kel murmured. "You'd probably have yourself
set up as a god and be demanding worship inside of a week if I did."

	Micah laughed and looked at Kel, whose eyes were sparkling in the
dim streetlight. A movement beyond Kel caught his attention and he looked
up. Into a glittering pair of feral eyes in a narrow sharp face. The man
looking at him from the far side of the car was beautiful: sweeping
eyebrows and an aquiline nose set in a face that was all angles. A broad
full lipped mouth and deep set eyes over high cheekbones completed the
face. His skin tone was a burnished copper that almost gleamed in the
meager light. He wasn't classically beautiful or even model beautiful but
he was beautiful in a wild, feral way. And he was watching Micah with
something that bordered on suspicion.

	A violent shudder ran through Micah, he could almost hear the man
across from him saying "Leave him alone. He's MINE now!" But the man was
silent just watching, waiting.  Kel let go of Micah and stepped back. He
turned to the other man who practically materialized at his side.

	"Josh, this is Micah Rimboul. Micah, Josh Sanclere." The two men
eyed each other like a pair of panthers sizing up the other looking for
weaknesses. Josh smiled and held out his hand, Micah took it. Josh's hand
was large, strong and callused. His grip was firm, this was a man with a
great deal of strength both physical and mental. Micah wasn't sure he
liked him. Josh stepped backwards and Kel wrapped his arm around his waist
and leaned against him.

	"Kel," Micah said softly. Kel looked up at him safe in the circle
of Josh's arms.

	"Kel, I need you." Micah repeated softly.

	"Micah, the only thing you have ever needed was a bottle of scotch
whiskey," Micah flinched at Kel's words.

	"That's not true," He protested. "I need YOU."

	Kel sighed. "Come on, let's go get something to eat. I'm too tired
to argue with you and Josh has to be to work soon. You can crash at my
place. Then we'll go look for your car."

	Josh scowled but said nothing. Micah met his eyes over top of Kel's
head. Eyes that told him he'd better NOT mess with Kel. Micah gave a half
nod of acknowledgement. He understood the message, not that he felt he had
to follow it but he understood it.

	"Work?" Micah made a face. " I wonder if Mary Lynne will accept
another 'I'm sick' day?" He sighed. Mary Lynne was the mother of Micah's
friend Stevey. When Stevey had killed himself the previous year Micah had
been there at her side for weeks; nearly sober and ready to assist in
anything she needed him to do. Mary Lynne had got Micah the job in the bank
and covered for him.

	"You are the one person who loved Stevey but never tried to change
him," she had told Micah when she called him. "This is your reward. You are
free to take it or not."

	Kel eyed Micah. "How long have you been out?" He asked softly.

	Micah flushed. "I don't know. Last I remember was drinking Friday,
the 2nd at The Griffin.." Micah trailed off at the look of horror on Kel's
face.

	"Micah! Its the TWELFTH!"

	"Oh my God." Micah whispered. "I have never lost that much
time!" He started to shake violently. Fear flooded through him. What had
gone on that week? Had he been kept drugged so he'd be responsive to
whatever the two guys in the apartment wanted? How many drugs and God only
knew what else had gone through his system? Micah sagged, his knees on the
brink of collapse. Surprisingly it was Josh who moved fast enough to catch
him before he hit the pavement. Kel rubbed his hands.

	"Micah, its okay. You're here now. I'm here. I'll take care of
you." The words "as always" hung unspoken in the air. Micah looked away,
he couldn't bear to look Kel in the eyes.

	Between them Josh and Kel maneuvered Micah into the backseat of the
car. Kel climbed in beside him. Josh tipped the seat back upright and got
into the driver's seat. Kel gave him some quick directions to a Denny's
in Kent. It was a quick trip from Des Moines to there. And then a hop onto
I-5 to get Josh to work up in Seattle proper.

	"We need to get you out of those clothes, you`re freezing."
Kel's voice was tender. "I brought some others for you. I always wondered
why I kept a hold of the things you left.. maybe it was karma."

	Kel's fingers gently unbuttoned his shirt. They brushed Micah's
chest and belly sending shivers down his back and legs. He took a deep
breath. He grasped Kel's wrist. He raised the hand to his lips. "Please"
his eyes pleaded with Kel. Kel looked down.

	"Please, Kelkie," He whispered.

	"Micah..." Kel was silent. "Micah, no. I have moved on. I have
Josh. I don't want anything or anyone other than him."

	Micah tightened his grasp on Kel's wrist. So fragile and yet he
had always known that Kel was the stronger of the two of them. Maybe that
was why he had drunk so hard when they were together. Micah leaned forward
and kissed Kel. A hard, aching, yearning kiss, Micah's whole soul was in
that kiss. He pushed Kel backwards onto the seat still kissing him. He
caressed Kel's hip. Micah expected any moment to have a hand in his hair
yanking him off of Kel. But it never came.

	Kel bit down hard on Micah's lower lip and pushed him off of
him. His eyes were flashing, Micah wasn't certain if it was anger or
sorrow. Micah felt his lip carefully with the tip of his tongue.

	"NO, Micah." Kel said. "I am here as your friend, I'll always
be here as your friend. But I am not your lover anymore. I never will be."

	Micah swallowed a cry. He nodded and leaned back in the seat. Kel
finished undressing him while Micah stared apathetically out the window. He
watched the buildings slide by some with lights on, some without. How many
happy people lived in there? People with beautiful contented lovers. Micah
ground his teeth, tears leaking down his cheeks. Kel turned his head
forcing Micah to look at him.

	"Micah, I am your friend. I will ALWAYS be your friend. No matter
what." Kel looked at him tenderly his luscious mouth turned up in a soft
smile.

	"I tried to visit you in the hospital," Micah said softly. "But
they wouldn't let me in."

	Kel nodded. "I know, one of the nurses told me. They were
concerned about you being drunk."

	Micah jerked backwards as if he had been slapped. He hadn't had
much to drink before going there. But he had to have SOMETHING! You
couldn't just go stone cold sober into a mental hospital to visit the man
you love! Especially not after he had tried to kill himself.

	Micah leaned forward again and kissed him. A soft gentle kiss with
no erotic overtones." I'm sorry," the kiss said. Kel stroked his cheek
and nodded.

	By the time they had got to the diner, Micah had changed into a dry
shirt and clean pants. Kel had brought a brush and Micah patiently sat
still as Kel brushed out his knotted hair. Micah being Micah checked his
hair in the rear view mirror, fluffing the curly hair in places. Micah's
secret terror was of going bald, he was sure he'd throw himself off a
bridge or something if that ever happened.

	All three men walked into the diner together, Kel's arm around each
of the other two. A tired looking young woman seated them in a booth and
handed them menus. Josh and Kel took up one side and Micah sat across from
them. Micah needed a drink so bad now he could hardly think straight.  His
hands shook slightly as he tried to read the menu. He glanced up. Josh's
eyes were narrow slits, studying him.

	"He knows," Micah thought. He was sure Kel wouldn't have told
him but somehow Josh knew what was eating at him.

	Their server approached the table so gracefully she appeared to be
floating. A small girl barely more than a wisp with long brown hair in a
braid over her shoulder. Micah looked her up and down and contemplated
asking when she got off work.  He could while away a morning with her. Kel
tapped the back of his hand. He looked up sharply, Kel's eyes were
expressive. "No" they said. Micah sighed.

	"Carrie," he said reading her nametag. "Is there any way you
might have a beer laying around this place that lil ole me could have?" He
turned on his brightest, most charming smile.

	"Sorry," she said shaking her head. "We don't sell beer." She
giggled. "Other than ROOT beer." She grinned. Micah was charmed and
hard. Maybe he'd come back later and check her out.

	Micah and Kel ordered breakfast, Josh only had coffee and a large
milk, most of which he poured into his coffee. Conversation started and
stopped in the fashion of people who really don't know each other and
aren't quite sure how to act. Kel was the bridge between Josh and Micah,
he kept the most of it going by talking about the book he had just started
and the short stories that would be published in December and January.

	They left the diner with just enough time to take Josh to work. A
construction worker? Micah thought puzzled. He would have never have
believed Kel could fall for a hard hat, Kel was so cerebral with a couple
of college degrees under his belt. Micah wondered if Josh even knew WHAT a
book was. At the construction site Kel hopped out of the car and walked
around to the trunk. He unlocked and lifted the trunk blocking Micah's
view. Micah slumped down into the seat. How could Kel do this to him? The
trunk slammed down and Micah turned to look. Kel's back was to him. He
leaned against the trunk. Josh was half bent over in front of him black
hair falling forward in a thick curtain blocking his face from view. Micah
could hear voices, Kel's light tenor drifted through the morning air
broken by the deeper sound of Josh's voice.

	Josh stood up and stamped his feet. He had been putting on shoes
Micah thought. Josh glanced into the car. His eyes pierced Micah with the
same "Do NOT mess with MY man" look he had used earlier. Micah swallowed,
literate or not Josh definitely had presence. Josh wrapped his arms around
Kel's back and pulled Kel to him. Kel's arms were around Josh's neck. A
tight hug and then a soft kiss and Josh was walking toward the gap in the
fence surrounding the construction site. Kel watched him go. As Josh
reached the opening a big red headed man appeared. He waved to Kel, who
waved back. The redhead threw his arm around Josh's shoulder and they
disappeared inside together. Kel stood watching for another minute or so
then walked up the driver's side of the car. He stuck his head inside the
car.

	"You might as well move up front," he said. "I'm not your
darned chauffeur!" Kel grinned at Micah.

	Micah flipped the seat forward and climbed out. He stretched, then
climbed into the passenger seat. He looked over at Kel. Kel was flushed,
his eyes sparkling. He was smiling.

	"You're happy with him," Micah said with emphasis on `him'.

	Kel nodded. "Josh is the best thing to happen to me ever."

	Micah slumped down in the seat and pouted. Why couldn't Kel let
him try again? He was sure he wouldn't screw it up this time. Micah stared
out the window in silence.

	"Do you want to sleep? Or should we look for your car?" Kel
asked, his eyes on the road.

	"I need a drink, Kel." Micah whispered. "Please, Kel. I
can't.. I've got the shakes."

	Kel looked over at Micah shock plainly written on his face. Micah
grasped his wrist.

	"Please Kel, I don't know what's gone through my system in the
last week, but I NEED a drink."

	Kel nodded. He looked out at the road sign and changed lanes. He
turned a corner and headed out towards the industrial south end of Seattle.

	"There aren't any liquor stores open this early," he said
softly. "But I think I can still provide."

	Kel drove for awhile. Micah studied him. He was definitely less
gaunt than the last time he'd seen him. Still as beautiful to Micah as
ever, Micah's insides twisted in pain. This Kel was different though, he
was self assured and happy. A combination Micah hadn't remembered ever
seeing before in Kel. Kel drove smoothly and relaxed, not jerky and he was
calm in the seat not twitchy and always moving. Something good was going on
in Kel's life. Micah pushed away the thought of the tall, black haired
Indian. Denial was Micah's best friend.

	Kel turned into a quiet neighborhood in one of the not so nice
parts of the city. The houses were for the most part worn but the yards
clean and neat. Kel pulled down a quiet dead end and into a driveway. He
parked the Cougar and shut it off.

	"Why are we here?" Micah asked.

	"It's Josh's place," Kel said softly. "His roommate is an
alcoholic as well."

	Relief flooded Micah. Relief that felt almost better than
scotch. Josh wasn't living with Kel! Micah felt suddenly happier than he
had all morning. Kel opened the door and climbed out. His feet crunched on
the gravel. Micah climbed out and followed him up the driveway along the
side of the house. There was a small green car parked in the rear. Kel
opened the gate in the fence and gestured Micah to follow.

	"You're lucky," Kel said sorting through keys. "We spent most
of last week here. We only returned to my place yesterday."

	Micah's stomach hit the ground. For a moment he thought he was
going to cry, then he felt like throwing up. He clutched at the opened
screen door. Kel unlocked the door and pushed it open. It was quiet inside.

	Micah followed Kel down a short hallway into a fairly good sized
kitchen. There was a large tree branch in a bucket of sand behind the
table. Micah peered at it suspiciously. He closed his eyes and opened them.
The branch was still there. He looked at Kel who was getting a bottle out
of a cupboard above a dresser.

	"You still have Keeley then?" Micah asked.

	Kel looked up puzzled and then smiled as he saw the branch over
Micah's shoulder.

	"Yes." Kel said handing Micah a glass. " I still have her. Josh
made that perch for her... so she can be here with us." Micah's stomach
twisted at the word `us'.

	Kel poured some of the Scotch into the glass in Micah's hand.
Micah drank like a drowning man. Kel refilled a couple more fingers then
recapped the bottle. Micah made a low whimper and Kel shook his head. He
returned the bottle to the cupboard.

	"I will NOT get you drunk. I will only help you with the shakes."
Kel's voice was firm.

	Micah gripped the glass. He could knock Kel down and get that
bottle himself. He took a half step toward Kel. Kel crossed his arms and
stood his ground. Micah dropped the glass hearing it shatter on the
floor. He stepped over it and grabbed Kel by the arms. He shook Kel. Kel's
head rocked forwards and snapped backward. Kel let out a whimper. Micah's
vision cleared and he stared in horror at Kel. Kel's head was down but he
could see tears leaking out of Kel's eyes.

	"God Almighty," Micah whispered. "Oh my god KEL! What have I
done!"

	Micah crushed Kel in his embrace. He started to cry, great heaving
sobs that wracked his body. How could he have shook Kel like that?! What
had he become that he was ready to hurt Kel to get another drink!? Could
the booze actually be THAT important to him? Be so important that he would
hurt the person he loved the most in the world?

	Micah slid to his knees still clutching Kel. Kel's arms wrapped
around his neck. Micah sobbed into Kel's hair. Kel whispered softly to him
and stroked his hair. Micah slumped back against the washer pulling Kel
into his lap.

	"Kel, what am I? What have I done?" Micah sobbed. "How could I
do that to YOU!? Now I can be so damned proud of myself, I have just been
added to the list of guys who have abused you!" Micah swore tears running
down his face. He hugged Kel again. "Oh God Kel I love you so much! Please,
Kel please help me."

	"Shhh," Kel whispered. "I'm here, Micah. I'll always be
here."

	Micah cried. And out of Micah flooded his fears and the terror he
had experienced at waking up that morning in that filthy apartment. Micah
poured forth his fears of losing his looks and his fears of ending up on a
corner or a filthy bed doing horrid things just to get the money for
booze. All the terrors that had gone through Micah's head while waiting
for Kel poured out now. All the things he drank to forget he poured out to
Kel. Slowly the sobs dried up. He rocked Kel in his lap. Kel twisted around
on his knees in front of Micah. He cradled Micah's face in his hands and
wiped his cheeks with his thumbs. Kel smiled gently.

	"I'll help you. I'll walk you to rehab and hold your damned hand
if necessary, Micah. I've always been willing to do that for you. But you
had to want to do it. I couldn't make you go sober.. you have to want
it. Micah, I'm your friend, I love you very much. I'll do whatever I
can.. but you have to take the first step."

	Micah crushed Kel to him. "Please Kelkie, give me your
strength. Help me."

	"Of course, Micah." Kel smiled. "Always."

	Kel helped Micah to his feet. Micah wiped his eyes on his
sleeve. Underfoot glass crunched reminding Micah of the broken glass. Kel
found a broom and dust pan under the sink. Micah took them away from him
gently and cleaned up the glass.

	"Tell Josh I'll replace it," he said softly emptying the dust pan
into the garbage. Micah returned the pan and brush to under the sink.

	Kel nodded. His hand curved against Micah's jaw. Kel stepped
backwards and held out his hand to Micah.

	"C,mon," he said. "Let's go find your car!"


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