“So there’s this person at work I like, but like is too little and love and too strong. This person is just so amazing, like when they smile they light up everyone’s heart that sees the smile, and when this person talks to me, no one else exists they fade away.”

yeah I was like that when I met Jessie” said Tommy.

“Like what?” I replied.

“I was sure I loved her, but love was too strong for someone I didn’t know all that well”


So I don’t know about all you readers out there – as in how you feel when you find out someone is straight – do you hate that person because you can’t have them? Do you forget about them and find someone else that may be out there for you? But for me there are a few people I have met in my 22 years of life that I don’t get over. There’s maybe about 5 people I can think of, 2 of them will always be with me no matter what happens. But this one kid he’s got a hold of my heart right now and I can’t let him go. He’s 18 and I’m sure that could be a little bit of an age gap, but it’s not just that, this kid and I are from two completely different worlds. I live in Australia so maybe some readers will know what I’m talking bout, I’m from Windale, a place that’s apparently the most disadvantaged place to grow up in, where Tommy grew up in another sorta well off suburb, Elebana. I dress casually and nice but this kid loves CK and all things nice if you know what I mean. At the moment I’m stuck in a rut that I can’t seem to shake. I have liked a lotta guys in my time so far, and sure other guys have liked me, but not the one’s I have shown interest in. Now I could tell you a story where boy meets boy and all ends well at the finish line, but well c’mon…. how many of us have really seen that happen. Even in Bridget Jones Diary she ends up getting married to the guy after everything that happens. So no I’m not telling one of those stories… This story never happened, it’s one of those stories you concoct in your mind when you meet someone and hope you’re their type. My name is Todd and this is how it goes:


“That’s true Tom, but have you heard of love at first sight?” I asked wondering why I was helping this kid with his love life when I wanted him.

“Yeah I’ve heard of it but I’m not too sure I believe it. No one knows anyone anymore, how can you love someone if they have killed people, scammed people and all that stuff.”

“Touché my friend! So that means I don’t know you huh?” I asked.

“Yeah I spose, but you reckon I have it in me to kill someone?”

“Nah you don’t mate. But I meant in other ways.” I said looking at other friends coming over to where we were sitting, referencing that he may be bi or even gay just no one knew yet.

“What do you mean?” he asked as they approached with drinks.

“K Todd wanted the Jim Beam, Tom wanted the New, and Dom wanted the Draught” Simone said as we took our drinks. Tom kept looking at me for an answer, but Jessie asked him for a dance. She grabbed his hand and they danced away.

“What were you two chatting bout?” Simone asked.

“Nothing in particular, just convo” I replied dodging her question.

“Tell me you didn’t tell him Todd?!”

“No I didn’t tell him, we all know what his answer is anyway.”

“So why was he looking at you like that when we came back, you obviously said something to him.”

“Nothing Simi, alright, just drop it” at that moment Simi’s boyfriend Nathan came in the door and hugged her from behind.

“Cool nothing better than feeling like a third wheel” I said and looked at Dom doing something strange as always. I got up and walked away.

“Hey you’re not pissed at me are you? I’m just tired of seeing you get hurt all the time cos you tell everyone you like them”

“I’m fine” I yelled back and walked away noticing Tom had seen me walking away. I got across the pool table and headed for the stairs when Tom came up and grabbed my shoulder.

“Hey was their anything meant by what you said before? You know me pretty well so… what’s up?

“Nothing is up mate, I’m just tired ay. I think I’m gonna finish this drink and head off.” I said watching a guy try to shoot a ball in a hole but was failing to line his cue up anyway.

“Hey if Jessie doesn’t wanna go yet can I get a lift with you, I don’t wanna be too hung over tomorrow for work.”

“Fine with me, but you should also ask Simone if that’s ok too.” I sarcastically added and walked down the stairs.

Oi, wait up. Something is up and I tell you some stuff.” Tom said and lightly punched my shoulder.

“You need to stop worrying bout me Tommy, I’m getting mixed signals and I look too far into mate.” I said and continued down the stairs. I was sure I heard an “oh shit” as I walked away but wasn’t too sure. Downstairs was a band playing so I sat there for 5 minutes and watched them play while I finished my drink. About 2 hours later I felt the alcohol get me and realized I couldn’t drive. So I sat there for a while longer before Bree found me.

“Hey Todd, are you liking my party?” She asked slightly pissed herself.

“Yeah babe, it’s a pretty good turnout you got going ay.”

“Definitely. So why are you down here? Party’s upstairs right?” She said

“Yeah it is, but I’m gonna go soon anyway.”

Aww ok, well I’ll see you at work tomorrow?” she asked as she hugged me

“Yeah you’ll see me” I said with a smirk.

“Hey Todd… you know when I first met you I really liked you, I thought you were my type and all” she said, now knowing she was drunk spilling everything out to me.

“Really? Well get back to me when u got some pecs and I’ll see what I can do!” I said laughing.

Haha, hmm… bye Toddly” She walked away heading up stairs. I got up and walked out the door, feeling the humid air hit my face. I got around the corner before I heard my name being called out. It was Tom and Nate catching up to me.

Sim’s pissed at you bro.” Nate said

“Why now?” I asked not surprised

“We called your mob but you never answered, she was worried man.”

“Oh shit, well I left it at home so can you tell her that? I’m going home ay.”

Rightio. Later dude.” Nate said walking away.

“Hey I’m gonna catch a taxi with Todd, split it in half, cheaper. Say bye to everyone for me k?” Said Tom, waving bye to Nate. We walked for about 5 mins without saying anything. I felt things had changed already.

“So why are you catching a taxi home with me? I mean you obviously knew what I meant by signals right?” I asked looking at him. Then he grabbed my shirt and punched me in the head bout 3 three times.

“Why didn’t you tell me you liked me Todd?” he yelled down at me, he went for another punch but I grabbed his arm and he spun and fell to the ground himself.

“I already knew the answer Tom. What was the point bro? You have Jessie, there’s no way I would have won your heart when she’s there.”

“Don’t matter. I tell you a lot of stuff just to get it off my chest. You should know me better Fuckwit.”  I got up and walked off

“Get fucked Tom. Get your own way home.” I yelled back

“We’re not done Todd.” He said scrambling up and running over to me.

“Yeah we are Tom. I don’t get this, why are you so angry with me for not telling you I liked you?” I asked sounding astonished

“I dunno, I just thought we told each other everything man. Like you said to me last year, I’m more of a brother to you than your own brother. And it really bothers me I had to ask Simone if you liked me more than normal mates should.”

“Tom I can’t let you worry bout me like this. Not while I like you so much and someone else has you.” I said

“What do you mean?”

Just then I saw Joe finishing up his shift. I walked over to him and he saw I had blood on the side of my mouth.

Woah, Toddly, didn’t think you had it in ya buddy.” Joe said looking at me and then at tom, “wait up is this guy hassling you Todd?”

“Nah bro, can I get a lift with you? Are you going home?” I asked

“Yeah dude car’s round the back.”

“Cool. I’ll be there in a minute.” I replied looking back at Tom. “ Tommy, I like you so much that it hurts, the other night when we were out I went home and cried over you cos it hurts that much. Sure it’s not only you that cuts me man it’s a lot of things bottling up. But the fact that you care more than anyone else it’s just bizarre and cuts me more. So I guess what I’m saying is I can’t work with you anymore. Unless you can look at me right now and tell me you have feelings for me.” I said trying to lay some things out for him.

“Nah man, I don’t. I’m not like that I’m sorry.” He said as I looked at him in the eyes, turned and walked round the back of the building.


A year had passed from that night. I was now working as a barman in a nightclub in Newcastle and playing rugby union for Macquarie. Yeah things had changed and some things I liked some things I didn’t. I was into someone else who seemed to reciprocate those feelings. But I hadn’t told no one bout them. I was still friends with Simi and Nate, but my past job working at Coles had disappeared and I moved on. What was to happen next was anyone’s guess.

All feedback of this story is appreciated. If you’d like more let me know at covenant-captive@hotmail.com. If I get enough replies I’ll write more. Thanx RustyBoy