Date: Tue, 29 Mar 2016 22:52:44 +0000 From: Max Dowling Subject: Never Give Up/ Codes You Awake 11 Codes you awake 11 The flight was smooth and I rang dad when I got there. A quick cab ride to the hotel and I was eventually placed into a really nice room. I could see the bridge and opera house from the small balcony. I messaged Mitch but didn't hear back from him. As a matter of fact I didn't hear anything that night or the next day even though I sent countless texts. I was about to head out for dinner Saturday night, I thought I would spoil myself because all I did today was mope around the room, well I cried most of the day and didn't feel like going out. I got a call from him and he said it was a madhouse at Belinda's. Her parents wanted to talk about money and they were trying to convince them to get married. It's a sin; you know the deal, bible bashers, good God fearing people. I told him where I was having dinner and I would wait for him there. He didn't show up so I cried down some dank alleyway on the way back to my cold hotel bed. Enough I said to myself and started to find some balls. I hailed a cab and gave him the address and in no time I was standing outside a modest home unit several miles from the city. I started up to the front door having no idea what I was going to say so I just took a deep breath and rang the doorbell. "Cody!" Belinda answered the door. "Is Mitch here Belinda? I need to speak to him if I could." "Sure honey, come in he's in the kitchen, straight ahead." I walked up the hallway and entered the lion's den, Mitch was very surprised to see me, Belinda's parents were not. "Cody good to see you mate," he eventually got out. "So what's happening Mitch, I thought you were coming to meet me for dinner?" "Sorry Cody I got caught up again but we can go get a coffee somewhere if you like?" "It's okay Mitch, I think I will have one here, what's the news, did you get a picture?" I noticed I didn't get an introduction to Belinda's parents but they were very quiet anyway. Mitch got up and got me a cup then I poured my own coffee. "Good to see you again Mr. and Mrs. Wilson, are you enjoying Sydney?" They didn't answer me so I shrugged my shoulders and sipped the drink but underneath I was seething. Belinda broke the ice and took out the ultrasound picture. I swooned over it even though I hated the sight of that kid. "Very nice Mitch, so what have you decided on your engagement?" I turned and looked at Belinda. "Not going to happen Cody, we were just discussing it again, but it's a no go," she said. "Only because Mitchell is being brainwashed by those people on the beach, otherwise he would do the responsible thing and marry you," her dad said. "What people are those Mr. Wilson?" I stared him in the eye this time. "Your people Lawrence, you know who I'm talking about." "Oh you mean my beautiful parents don't you?" I smiled. "Cody let's go get some coffee." Mitch started to stand up. I put my hand up and motioned him to sit down again. "Yes I mean your heathen parents, of course that's who I'm talking about." He looked mean but not as mean as me. "Oh yes my heathen parents, the ones that poured millions into a charity that looks out for battered kids, finds homes for terrified women and built a huge shopping center where ten percent of the rents go to local outreach programs. Those beautiful people that do so much for the community, tell me I was just wondering how much support and cash does your church pour into the community, I would be very interested to know?" "None of your business, we do our bit," her mother joined in. "Oh yes my dad was telling me how much your church does for the poor. They take ten percent of their wages every week and spend it on the church and the minister's house, and God forbid if someone calls in for a bread roll, you send them to dad's charity. Your fellow Christian's favorite saying I believe is freeloaders Mrs. Wilson. Sorry if I have a giggle at your attempt to appear Godly." "Keep your mouth shut fag because none of this is your business so why don't you piss off." His true colors are coming to the front. "Tut, tut Mr. Wilson such language, not very nice coming from such a Godly man," I was pissed he was having a go at my dads and I didn't care about Belinda's role in this. As for Mitch, he was about to find out where his loyalties should stand. "Belinda did you invite him here?" "No dad but Cody's welcome anytime in my house, another coffee Codes?" She smiled. "No thank you Bel, I just came to pick up my husband, he's taking me back to our hotel where us heathens are going to make love all night, coming Mitch?" His jaw hit the floor andhe was speechless when I smiled at Wilson. "Yes unfortunately your grandson was fathered by one of those faggots. Isn't that nice those folks on the beach are now family, I guess that makes me the, umm step father, or is that wicked step father?" His red face said it all and I had come to the end of my rope. "Sorry I disturbed your night Bel. Mitch you coming, go get your things?" "No Cody." His head lowered. I stood there feeling the walls squeeze the life out of me. "Okay then no problem Mitch, I'll drop your things at your parents place, if I get home before you. I must have been mistaken when I thought you said you were gay." I kissed Bel and apologized and said goodnight then left. Only God knows how my insides were feeling because as I walked into the night I felt nothing but emptiness. It was a few days later I came into any awareness of what was going on. I had my backpack hanging over my shoulder as I walked down a road I didn't recognize, but my senses told me I was heading North. I didn't know how far I had walked but I remembered getting a lift off someone who dropped me on the outskirts of Sydney, then a nice couple drove me for miles up the freeway. That awful feeling was still with me and I knew I just wanted to be left alone with my own grief and dark thoughts. It wasn't a bad day and at the last roadhouse I was able to get a salad roll and a drink, I thought about taking up smoking but I really didn't know how to do it. Sitting in a small turn out, at a picnic bench, I turned my phone on. It bleeped into life and there were so many messages it nearly drove me crazy. I found one from dad, which I should answer but was trying to think up the right words to say. Then I read a couple of Mitch's, he begged me to call him, he was so worried about me. The answer to this I already deep down knew so I replied. Fuck off Mitch and don't ever come into my life again, then I pushed send. To my dads I sent, having a well-earned break, be home soon, I love you all. I got an instant reply from Dan. Cody we know your hurting, please tell dad where you are. We can come and pick you up; we love you and are so worried. It's okay dad, I'm on a road somewhere. I don't know where I am but I will get home soon, love you all. Mitch's message said, Cody all's good now we have to talk. I love you. Mitch for the last time fuck off, go away, I no longer belong to you. I turned the phone off with a note to myself, don't turn it on again. I started walking again and wasn't more than two hundred meters up the road when a pick up stopped in front of me. "Want a lift mate?" A farmer type yelled out the window. "Thanks." I jumped in and put my pack on the floor between my legs. "I'm Brian by the way." He looked sideways at me and smiled. "Cody and thanks for the lift." "No problems Cody, where you heading?" "Anywhere that's peaceful and quiet. I guess you could say I'm running away from home." I smiled because he was and it was nice. "Oh the folks not playing a nice game then?" "No, my folks are beautiful, it's a long story and I don't really want to get into it. Let's just say I'm starting a new life." "What on the road? You've got to be crazy, there's no where peaceful on this highway." He laughed louder. "Well I don't have a choice at the moment. I don't see a bus station, I'm heading north of Brisbane and I've got plenty of time." "Shit mate, that's hundreds of miles away. Listen I will be going into town Thursday to do the monthly shop so why not stay at the farm for a few days? Have a shower, a good sleep, a meal or two, chill out with me then I can take you in. There's a bus station there and a small airport, they will get you where you need to be." "You don't mind?" "I would welcome the company, it gets a bit boring on the farm. Come on, come chill with me and the girls for a few days." His smile lit his face up and when I really had a good look I realized he was probably only six or seven years older than me but his hat covered his whole look so I answered yes, okay, just as he turned to go up a semi-bitumen road, I guess towards his farm. "What do you run on the farm?" "Not a lot nowadays just some cows and some chooks and throw in a dog or two. My parents died in a road accident so I inherited the farm from them. Before then I was halfway through my veterinary degree but there was no one else to look after the animals so I had to come home." "How long ago did your parents pass?" "Six months now, I miss them every day but the police said they never felt a thing and died quickly, if that's some sort of comfort I'm supposedto have." "I'm sorry to hear that Brian, it must be hard for you." "The farm's easy because I really don't know what to do with it so I culled some of the cows and no I didn't slaughter them. I gave them to the farmer next door but I kept my favorites, keeps me in milk and cream." Again he laughed. "Your turn." He looked at me. "Oh." I bent my head. "My parents run a charity, my dad is Cody Mitchell, I don't know if you have heard of him and my other dad is Daniel Lawrence the ex-footballer." "What the fuck? Daniel Lawrence? Fuck me, I idolized him when I was a kid, I think I still have his posters stored somewhere, and of course who hasn't heard of Cody Mitchell? I did live in Sydney for three years, you know I'm not all country." He laughed so much he had to slow down. "Hey wait a minute, you have two dads?" "Yes." "Awesome, how awesome is that Cody. You must have laughed your head off growing up with them?" "I did sometimes to my embarrassment, but yeah I had a great childhood and I still am." "Then why are you running away?" "Brian, I don't really want to talk about it, maybe later." I felt ugly again and the hurt seeped into my bones. But it was nice to have a sane talk with my new friend. I felt for him losing his parents but he seems to be taking it well. "Here we are, the family home, a bit small but it suits me just fine." I looked out the window at a small country cottage. I wouldn't call it a farm house, not like Nan's but it was really cute and there were a couple of dogs running up the road, I guess they were his. "Padlock and Slingshot my mates, okay, okay, I'll tell you." He patted my hand. "Padlock is my guard dog, no one comes on this property without him knowing and Slingshot is as quick as a lightening bolt when it comes to chasing unwanted guests off." He went into a laughing fit then, I sort of laughed too. "That's better, a laugh at last." He took his hat off to wipe his brow and his dark hair flowed from the bun he was wearing, it was all I could do to not groan at his simplistic beauty. We unloaded his stuff and put it on the verandah, which was covered in a beautiful flowery vine. Then he went and got some water for the dogs and a beer for me. We sat in the sun and it was nice but not as nice as my beach. The view of a valley with a lake and a few hills was very pretty though. "Umm Brian, where are the girls?" "Up in the back paddock, they will be down later on." "Oh." I wondered why they were up there; I suppose I will find out soon enough. "Do you own the lake?" "Yes Codes, right up to the first hill, you can see my girls over there in the fourth paddock, they will be in soon for milking." I couldn't stop laughing because his girls were cows. "There's only three Brian, how do you survive?" "They are my favorites, as I said I don't know what I'm going to do but I don't see a cattle ranch or a dairy in my future. In the meantime mum and dad did all right over the years and I am not on the skids, and yes my girls are lovely." Laughing again I thought about it for a moment and of course uncle Mike's tours, he does well, very well. "Do you have any horses?" "No Codes not for years now. I used to ride but when I went to uni dad got rid of them. He didn't want them to just stand around all day getting fat." Again, that laugh. "Tours, camping ground, a couple of trans portables or caravans for rent, horses for rent and riding trails through those woods to the lake for a barbeque lunch, it's got potential." At least my mind was off Mitch and the family for awhile. "How did you know that was what I was thinking?" "Makes sense to me, my uncle runs a very successful farm stay near Brisbane and my dads helped him organize it, he's raking the money in." I smiled again. "When do I get to meet him?" "Anytime you can drag yourself away from here I suppose. He's a great guy and I know he will help you. Where are we anyway?" I laughed. "About forty miles out of Armidale northern New South Wales, that's the biggest, nearby town to me." "Oh I didn't think I had gotten that far, I was in Sydney four days ago, I just needed some me time." "A girl?" I didn't answer him because I didn't know what his reaction would be. "A guy?"He said and I took a deep breath. "Something like that, I was hurt and just wanted to find some peace and quiet." "Okay I won't push it. Do you want to take a shower now? You are starting to stink a bit, like a corpse in this sun." He giggled. "Oh yes, that would be ace thank you." "No problem Cody, follow me." He led me into the small house, I presumed two bedrooms at the front leading into a large lounge room with a kitchen and bathroom across the back, it was bloody nice. He showed me to an old fashioned bathroom that looked new but rustic. I loved it and I loved the hot water that flowed over my body. I had to borrow some shampoo and conditioner but in the end I was squeaky clean and I suppose I smelt a lot better. "Here Cody, put these on, I will throw your clothes in the washer, they should dry overnight." He threw some track pants and a top into the bathroom. "Thank you Brian." I was so grateful for his help. I dressed and when I appeared from the bathroom he was cutting up some onions so I sat at the kitchen table. "Grab us another beer Cody while I cook a stew for later on. I'm a bit rusty but I'm sure you will like it." I went to the fridge and grabbed a couple of cans, passing one to him; I will have to stop after this one, I usually don't drink much. "This place is great but it doesn't look like a farm house, well not like the ones I know anyway." He laughed and said I would like his next story. "My dad had a beautiful soul and sense of humor but was a bit miserly when it comes to money. If you look out the kitchen window over to your left you will see the burnt out shell of the original farm house. It left this earth about twenty five years ago. Well my father being my father nearly choked when he found out how much it was going to cost to replace so he told mum to go into town and pick a house out." He couldn't stop shaking. "And?" I said. "Well he figured if he bought a house in town and had it re-located out here, he would be in a win win situation. He gets a house and a block of land in town for much the same money." I looked around the little cottage and thought yeah that's probably right. It really doesn't fit out here but it would in any country town. "My mum was so mad at him, she wanted a new house so she picked this cottage just to get up his nose." "I bet he was furious." "Not really, he loved my mum, she could have had a new house if she wanted, he was just playing her." "What happened?" "She insisted he buy this little place, she said she always wanted to live in a cottage and had fallen in love with it, so dad had no choice. He bought the place in town and put the land in my name for the future and as I was growing up he used to tell me when I was ready to retire into town I could move the house back onto it's proper place." He laughed so hard he was crying. I pissed myself at the thought, it was nice to forget my troubles for awhile, I liked this guy very much. While the food was cooking we went and sat on the porch again and I told him about our porch and where I lived. I don't know whether he believed me or not but I waffled on anyway. Then the subject came around to Mitchell and I told him a little about what happened but not everything. He sat and listened to me like an old friend. He didn't comment or interrupt me and it was nice. "We can eat now Cody, I'm sure you're hungry." He took the lead into the kitchen where an incredible smell was coming from. I washed my hands and he handed a ladle to me and said, "Help yourself." "Thanks, and thanks for listening to me and not throwing me out." "Why on earth would I do that Cody? We are mates now, look I've even cooked for our first date." He laughed. I blushed because I could learn to love this guy big time. "Don't worry Cody, I'm straight but as usual I have gay friends so you're safe with me. Unless you don't want to be safe then maybe I could go bi with you if you want?" He lifted his eyebrows. "Your full of shit Brian but I'm happy you had the thought." I laughed. The food was delicious and when he put some home made bread on the table to soak up the gravy I almost asked him to marry me. "So no one in your life Brian?" "Not out here but I still have a few college friends who visit from time to time, so I'm not completely celibate." "Well you are going to be a great catch for some girl someday." I let my guard down and took his hand. "Thank you." "Well finish up your dinner and call your dads, they must be frantic by now." "I sent them a message." "No that doesn't cut it, you call them and tell them where you are and you have just eaten the best dinner with your current squeeze and you will be home in three days." He smiled. "I don't know Brian, I just don't want to get into it with them." "The choice is yours but I want you to. How do you know I'm not some sort of axe murderer and will chop you up during the night? They better know where you are so they can collect the corpse, and anyway Codes, let them have a good sleep tonight, don't shut them out." I thought about it and I missed talking to my dads and I suppose they aren't sleeping at the moment, especially Squirt, he's like that, my new friend is making sense. I helped wash up the dishes and when Brian offered me another beer I declined and turned my phone on. The messages bleeped again and I looked at my new friend who smiled. "Someone's worried about you Codes." I blushed. I pushed dad Dan's number and he answered straight away. "Cody where the fuck are you and don't you dare hang up on me son." I waited for it all to sink in then replied, "Dad I'm forty miles out of Armidale with a friend on his farm. He was kind enough to give me a lift and a place to sleep for a couple of days. I'm okay I just need some space for a few days. I will bus it home by the weekend." "Cody we will fly to Armidale to pick you up, don't you dare go out on the road again. Anything could have happened, your father is sick with worry and so is Mitch.' "Did he move out dad?" "No he's here with me, he's not going anywhere." "Well I won't be home for awhile then until he realizes when I told him to fuck off, I fucking meant it." "Hear him out Cody, you don't know the full story." "I know enough and I'm sick to death of being treated like I'm last in his life. Why didn't he tell me it was going to be like this when he told me he loved me? No dad I don't do part time love, it's all or nothing and I'm afraid he's now got nothing." "Cody you don't mean that, please just enjoy your holiday and we can talk on the weekend." "Not if he's still there we won't be." I hung up then felt awful so I sent another sorry I love you message and his reply was, ditto son. Brian finally got the rest of the story out of me right down to the chair at the bluff. He still didn't say a word except it was getting late and the girls need attending to. So I went and helped. I guess he was impressed with my milking skills, the girls certainly liked my touch. It took no time at all and I mused I could get used to this life. Brian is the perfect friend for me, I think he understands but I can't even try to go there. It would ruin a friendship I hoped would continue for years to come. I helped clean up then we said our goodnights, I was tucked up in a big bed in the front room. I lay there thinking about Mitch and our relationship, granted I shouldn't have gone to Sydney and I definitely shouldn't have gone to Belinda's place. But deep down I was happy I gave her parents a serve. How dare they demean my dads like that? The most generous, beautiful people I know. And Mitchell, well he didn't put me first and he should have. I have to make my mind up whether I can live being treated as second best because I don't think he will change any time soon and the baby will take over his life, then I will be pushed further out. I had made my decision and its final. No screaming and crying, just a short conversation with him and that's it, all over rover. My tears dripped onto the pillow as I put a final end to my great love affair. I don't know what time I went to sleep and I slept well. I think it's the fresh air and silence except for the girls waking me up around five; they needed to be fed and milked again. I jumped out of bed and as I was dragging on my sweats or should I say Brian's. He popped his head in the door and said for me to make the coffee; he would be back in a half hour or so. I asked if he needed help and he just smiled and answered, "The girls like your touch, I don't want them falling in love with you because they will never let me near them again." He laughed as I heard the back door bang shut. I sat on the bed and thought once more what a catch for some nice girl. I turned my phone on and only a few messages this time, just Mitch saying goodnight and that he loved me. I left it on then went to make coffee and to rustle up some scrambled eggs and toast. Brian's fridge was nearly empty but I managed. When he came in he went and showered so I went out the back and pulled my clothes off the line as they were dry, I will wash his clothes after my shower. I stood for a long time just looking at the views and they were awesome, this place is perfect for a farm stay. I giggled to myself at Brian's father's need to save money. He enjoyed his breakfast and we talked about what I was going to do when I got home. He took my hand and told me not to make any sudden moves I might regret and burn bridges that may never be repaired. I told him of my decision to dump Mitch and get back to some normality, whether he knows how to be in a relationship or not, saying what he did was unforgivable and I won't let it happen again. He stood me up and hugged me and I felt safe in his arms then he said, "Go shower Cody then I will take you to the airport, you need to go home, not that I want you to go but I think you should because your parents are worried sick about you. Don't let them have another sleepless night, it must be agony for them." I agreed, but didn't want to leave my new best friend alone. I would miss his laugh and of course the girls. Why didn't I meet Brian first I would have been happy here with him? Lover or not he's a funny guy and not bad looking either. I went to shower and change and thought to myself as the hot water ran down my body, could I live here and be happy? I would miss my dads and brother immensely not to mention my uncles; I guess it's not a good idea. I dried off and walked into the kitchen where Brian was on the phone to somebody, he was a bit animated so I took my clothes to the bedroom and packed my bag. I checked my wallet and unplugged my phone; he was doing some sort of shopping list when I arrived back. "Got to get a lot of stuff today, Michelle is coming for a week's stay, it's a shame you won't be here to meet her, she's madder than me." He chuckled. "I'm sure she's very nice Brian, I don't feel so guilty leaving you now." "Cool dude, everything's going to be okay, you just go sort that man of yours out and hopefully I will be able to fly up in a month or two to talk to your uncle, which I am really looking forward to." "That's a given Brian, we will have to keep in touch." "Yeah I'll get the girls to give you a bell." He bent over laughing and it was infectious because I did the same. I loved this guy. I was down as he drove into town. He hadn't said much on the quick journey and I felt sadness in my heart. "Well here it is, Armidale International Airport. I know, it's a cow paddock with a little plane on it." He smiled. "I'm going to miss you Brian, I hope all works out for you and good luck with Michelle." I gave him a man hug and he held on a little longer than normal, then he kissed my neck. "Goodbye my friend, I will see you in a month or two." "Thank you," were my parting words as I walked out to the little twin engine plane that was going to whisk me back home to my family. The flight was uneventful but noisy. It was nothing like flying in a bigger jet but it was entertaining. There were only three other passengers today and I had the back seat on my own and I looked out the window for the first twenty minutes. I was trying to see if I could spot the farm but of course not. I saw a heap of them but none with a big lake on it. Landing in Brisbane I had to walk to the terminal where my dads met me, they held me and poor Squirt cried along with me. Dan thought it might not be a good idea for Mitch to come along and we found a small coffee shop to sit at. Squirt held my hand and kept straightening my hair. His green eyes were as bright as ever but his sense of humor had left. "Codes I missed you so much, why didn't you just get on a plane and come home, we were worried sick?" "I don't know dad, I just wanted to get out of Sydney so I walked then I think I got a lift or two, then I met Brian." "Whose Brian baby?" "The most amazing guy I have ever met dad. He picked me up from the side of the road and offered me a shower, bed and a good meal on his farm, it's awesome dad and his girls are gorgeous." "He had children?" Dan asked. "His cows dad, three gorgeous ladies and I helped milk, they loved my gentle touches." I smiled. "And Brian?" "Straight dad, I want to introduce him to Uncle Mike. I think Brian's farm is more beautiful than nana's and pop's. His parents were killed in a car accident six months ago so Brian left veterinary school to look after the farm. He loves it there but it's a shame he had to give up his studies. He's a bit like you dad, he never stops laughing, no baggage, no hang ups." "And?" Dan said to me. "And no dad but I loved his company he made a lot of sense when we talked about where my life was heading with Mitch." "He's devastated Codes." "So he should be dad, once again he put me last and as for Belinda's parents who I will kill if I ever see them in town, what a couple of ass holes." "What did they say Cody?" "Oh Mitch didn't tell you? What a surprise, NOT! They were being awful dad and Mitch just let them go ahead and dump on my family like they knew everything. So I let them have it, he still didn't back me up so I left and dad I'm not going back." I looked Dan in the eye. "Well he didn't tell us that son. He did say he went looking for you but you had checked out so he thought you had come home." I took my phone out of my bag and waved it. "Must have forgotten my number, not that I wouldn't have answered it anyway." I had a tear running down my cheek but my mind was made up. "Where do we go from here Cody? I think he's at the house waiting for you but has been sleeping at Ros and Mike's place." "It's okay dad, no screaming, no tears and no blood will be shed, I just want him out of my life. He's gone too far this time but I will always have a soft spot for him somewhere in my heart." "Well son that's very disappointing but we will back you up anyway we can." Squirt cupped my chin and wiped my tears with his thumbs. "Dad, you pushed Uncle Mike to start the farm stay didn't you?" "Yes son but he needed a big push, that kid was so undecided for awhile so yes I shifted him." "Well can you help me with Brian? His farm is beautiful and I think he has the money to invest in it but he doesn't know where to start, can you help me?" "Of course son but I think we have had this conversation before, are you sure you want to get involved?" "Yes dad." But at that very moment I wasn't so sure.