Disclaimer: This story (not at the moment, but eventually will) contains sexual content of a homosexual nature between consenting males. It is intended for mature audiences only. If you are under legal age in your respective area, offended by the kind of relationships depicted in this story, or otherwise do not wish to view material of a honest and sexual nature ; I advise you to stop reading immediately; otherwise, enjoy. And put the box of tissues down--it won't bethat kind of story.
Author's Note: This is a work of fiction. Many characters and situations were inspired by real people, including myself. I would gladly appreciate any feedback. (In fact, I live off it; it's what make good stories great) This includes constructive criticisms. All flames will be ignored/deleted. Please send to firstname.lastname@example.org
Sidelines: by SolarMiracleXv
Act 2 --A Weekend of Burning Bridges, And How I Spent My Summer Vacation--
" I heard you were missing! Again! Do you have any idea how much that scared everyone?! Do you even care?! And how long were you gonna hide out in town without telling me that you were back?!"
"Sorry...I didn't think that it would...And no one knew I was here...I came home without telling anyone."
"I'm sorry, I ju--I just can't do this anymore. I just can't."
"I know I worried you, and everyone else for that matter. I also don't care what everyone else says about us, our relationship. We have our good moments, don't we? I know I made a mistake. That's why I came back. To prove it, together, with you."
"But, this...no, it's...too much has happened...and what if you decide you can`t handle it again, and--"
"Idiot, that's not the problem. You won't have to worry about that. I've made my choice, for real; I won't run anymore."
"Who are you calling an idi--" The blonde is momentarily stunned by the brunette's sudden embrace, causing the shorter man to rest his head on the brunette's shoulder, closing his eyes.
"Oh, that is such bullshit!" Shane yells, throwing a fairly large (and full, might we add) bowl of popcorn at the TV, currently displaying what used to be one of Shane and Alex's favorite J-Dramas, in bitter anger. "It does not go down like that in real life! Gimme a fuckin' break!" Alex looks over from her position in the swiveling leather chair and gives him a hard stare and a soft sigh.
"Um, given you current mood, maybe we should stop watching this. It seems to only be fueling your fire..."
"Hey, my fire is completely justified here."
"And I'm not denying that, it's just maybe you need to calm down a little."
"The nerve of that rat bastard." Alex sighs over the last comment. Shane gets up from the aforementioned `hideous' bean bag chair and begins picking up the discarded popcorn back into the now broken bowl...just another piece of kitchenware to be added to the KIA list since Friday night,
"What happened to the words `so over'?" Shane sighs a little, moving a stray strand of hair from his face.
"It was! I-It is! It's just, you can't breeze into town after six months and expect a totally clean slate! He always does this to me! And he always thinks that he`s just so hot and irresistible that he can get away with every-fucking-thing under the sun! Well, Sunshine, playtime is over!" Alex gives him a long sideways stare, unsure of how to handle her best friend right now, which she's almost certain is on the verge of a psychotic break.
"Yeah, you sure voiced that on Friday."
"Ooh, don't even get me started with that."
"A little bit late..." Alex mumbles.
"What was that?"
" <rolls her eyes> Tonikaku ii desu yo."
"Hmph. Sou desu ka, Besides, you'd be just as mad if you were in my shoes! The nerve of him, acting like HE was the wronged party!"
Three Days Earlier...
Shane crosses his arms, rubbing them to keep warm. "Jess, what are you doing here?"
"You wouldn't return my calls and I knew you`d be here."
"You have to go. "
"Why won't you call me back? " Shane shifts uneasily to his other foot, leaning back up against the door to the back stairs. He digs into his pocket and pulls out a cigarette, lighting it up and taking a deep puff. He regards Jess with a wary curiosity before exhaling.
"Look, just... go home, okay? I promise that I will talk to you tomorrow. "
"Well, sure, I believe that. " Shane scoffs at the unmasked sarcasm in the taller man's voice.
"Have I ever lied to you? Is there a reason why you suddenly can`t trust me?"
"Really? Sixteen unreturned phone calls isn't a reason? "
"No, Look, I'm not discussing this with you out here in the cold, in the backyard of my mother's house--"
"You don't get to control the situation this time, okay Shane? I needed to talk to you, you wouldn't call me back, and I did what I had to do. And I'm sorry I shanghaied you here–that wasn't my intention, I swear--but after all we've been through..."
"You wouldn`t know the first thing about what we`ve been through, you son of a bitch!"
"Do you know what hits me the hardest here?" Shane rolls his eyes, doubting, and actually mildly surprised that his former boyfriend can feel anything for anyone other than himself at this point.
"Apparently, not the doorknob up your ass on the way out."
"You never opened up to me; showed me the real you, not really...it made me feel cheated that you couldn't trust me with yourself." Shane becomes rigid at this accusation, every fiber of his being now livid with rage.
"Excuse me?" He hopes, for Jess' sake, that he's kidding.
"I could always feel that you were on the verge of being this beautiful, wonderful person, And...all you just needed was the right person to love you, to show you just how much--" He's not kidding, and suddenly not caring about the increasing volume of their raised voices, and his rage meter shoots into the red zone, Shane snaps.
"I know I needed the right person! I've been telling myself I needed the right person! And I thought I found him, with you! But instead, I feel like my 'right person' bailed on me AGAIN; and I'm mad and hurt, and I can't change that in ten minutes, and you sure as hell have no right to expect me to!"
"At least Anne never--" Shane narrows his eyes, and the next words out of his mouth would not have been so frightening had he not been so calm saying them.
"If I hear her name out of your mouth again, I will beat you to death."
"I think, when this thing started, it was just some stupid, immature game. I wanted to even the score after you let that 'friend' of yours; what's-his-name, Hal something, hang all over you for days after he saw your work at the Art Expo."
"Harrison is one of my closest friends, I've known him forever! I've told you that, and I did not let him--"
" I know. On some...base level I knew that. But I was still jealous." He pauses, turns around, hiding his face as he continues quietly. " I don't know, I - I wanted to know what you--why Harrison had so much power over you." Shane scoffs, shaking his head.
"You still don't get it."
" I wanted to get it, Shane. I wanted to get you..." He turns back to face Shane, searching his eyes
" So this is my fault? `Hey, gee, Shane's so mysterious, I think I'll go out, pick up some random ho who I don't know anything about and almost die.' I think I'll go and let some other w..." He chokes up, not even able to finish his sentence for fear of breaking out into sobs.
"This isn't your fault. It's mine. I feel like shit for everything I made you go through..." Shane still isn't able to look at him. "She made me feel something, Shane. Something I didn't even know I was missing until-" Shane walks off, running his hands through his hair, even more tears leaking out.
"I can't. I can't hear this." Jess grabs Shane's arm again
"You need to hear this--" Shane jerks from his grasp, taking a few steps back, looking up at him in fury.
"Fine. Fine! Tell me about your whore! Tell me what on earth she was giving you that I couldn't!"
"I know the whole thing was just... was just physical. But the fact that I craved it ... that, that I kept going back for more ... even if though I didn`t know her...even though deep in my heart I knew that it was wrong, she made me feel like she had such... hunger for me. That she needed me, and only me..."
"And I didn't ... make you feel that way?" Jess looks away. "How on earth can you compare me to that? How can you tell me you understand what that tramp was thinking? You aren't passion, or a need to her, or people like her; you are a trick! A idiotic, unfaithful trick! All she wanted was your money!"
"It's like the whole world falls away. And all there is, is you."
"And you think that I didn't feel the same way about you? How dare you tell me what I felt?!"
"It was about letting me in. So you didn't have to be so on top of everything all the time!"
"But I do have to be on top of everything! That's part of what being me is! And...that`s what this is really about isn`t it? You couldn`t handle the fact that I was emotionally independent, could you?"
"It was hard sometimes, but that wasn't it."
"Then what the fuck else could it be, Jess? I've given you everything! I've given you my heart, my body, and my soul!! What else can I possibly give you?!"
"You say that, Shane, but I didn't feel it. I just didn't feel it." Shane looks at him long and hard.
"Well whose fault was that? "
"Do you think I like this situation?" Was that rhetorical? Even so, it's definitely getting an answer.
"Yeah, yeah I think you do; you're having a little party in that small, self-involved brain of yours and everyone's invited-- " Okay, so maybe not a polite one, but hey, still--question answered...
"I mean, after what you and I had going and now–"
"Jess, do you even remember why we're here right now? What event in your life caused this very excruciatingly pleasant moment we're sharing?"
"That has nothing to do with this."
"Oh–it–what? Jess, Oh my fucking GOD! What do you want from me?! Fear? Revenge? Tasty brains, what?!"
"I wanna talk! "
"Why?! Why here, why now?! Why, after 6 months of absolutely no word, nothing from you?"
"All I wanted to do was see you."
"You didn't answer me. "
"Did you call me at all in the last 6 months?"
"Send me a letter?"
"What about a carrier pigeon?" Jess is starting to get agitated; mainly because this line of questioning is pushing him into more of a negative light with every passing second.
"Enough already! I just. . . I don't like how things are. How I left things with you."
"But that's how they are!"
"I didn't want things to turn out this way!"
"But they did turn out this way!"
"But I didn't want that!"
"Jesse, is `that girl` still in town?"
"Are you still with her?"
"Are you still in love with her?"
"Then, sweetie, that is where we are! Accept it!"
"You can`t? How about I can't, huh? How about I can't talk to you because it hurts talking to you! Standing here right now is kicking me in my ass, do you understand that? How dare you blow back through here with that cheap piece of ass under your arm after 6 months like nothing's happened, telling me you've changed your mind like I'm sort of consolation prize?!"
"I see you here, in my town again, it tears me up inside, and the person I get to share that with now is me. You don't know me anymore, so don't you dare come back here with your new lease on life, expecting me to do things your way--go home!!
"Please, Shane...just hear me out?" Jess takes a step towards Shane, putting a hand on his shoulder; Shane almost recoils physically from the contact, quietly responding to his request.
"Get your hand off of me." Jess doesn't let go, and Shane saves him the trouble by angrily jerking his own arm away.
"Go home, Jess. I mean it. I really do not have the energy to deal with this, with you right now."
Shane's eyes are downcast after his small outburst; his whole body sagging, aching....like the last bout of shouting just took all of the energy out of him.
"..no.." His response is uttered so softly, it was almost completely inaudible, lost in the night breeze.
"What? What are you saying?" Jess tries to move closer, but Shane quickly retreats, looking up at the taller man with a sniffle, eyes shining with indignation and the tears that have yet to come. He regards Jess' face silently with curiosity, yet also with some sense of loathing and regret.
"...I said no, Jess. I can't do this anymore. I have to stop this, a) because one of us has to be man enough to, and b), because frankly, seeing you here right now, like this...it's killing me, and you just can't seem to understand that! Why?!"
"I think it's time for us to go." The words out of Alex's mouth were not a serving suggestion. Shane and Jess turn at the sound of Alex's voice. Both were so wrapped up in the argument that they hadn't noticed her having been there the last few minutes. Shane is obviously grateful for the intrusion. Jess looks to her; he hopes that maybe she might take his side, to help him make Shane see his point.
"Alex--" Jess' plea is cut short by a withering glare. Shane looks away, angrily wiping away a few stray tears that had managed to escape.
"Now. Let's go. I'll give you a ride home." The deadly expression she carries just begs for disagreement. Reluctantly, Jess starts to walk away towards the front of the house and Alex's car when Shane grabs Jess' arm by the elbow, making him turn around. The grip wasn't hostile--the look that came with it, however...
"Never approach me again." With that, he lets Jess walk away, hopefully for good this time. When he's out of earshot, Alex turns back to Shane, all traces of the scary mask long gone; in its place is the worry mask--one that is reaching out to her best friend, to do anything that might make him feel a little bit better. Unfortunately for her, she doesn't know how her best friend is feeling right now because though they've been standing there alone for several minutes now, he really isn't saying anything; he just lights up another cigarette, inhaling with shaky breaths.
"Shane, I'm so sorry! If I'd known that something like this was gonna happen, I never would've even---" Shane holds up one hand to silence her, he is at the point where if he hears one more excuse...but this is his best friend, so...
"It's fine, I'll just need a minute to...process things, I guess." Alex gives him a sympathetic look, gently cupping the side of his face.
"Hey, I really am sorry I didn't mean to--"
"It's okay...really, I just--"
"--need a while, got it. I'll swing by in a few days to see how you're doing; that cool? I figure right now, you want to be alone." Shane tries valiantly for a smile, but settles for a teary, lopsided grin.
"You figured right."
"You sure you're going to be okay?" He nods silently, sniffling; he wipes his face with the back of his hand.
"..give it time." Alex nods, and heads back to the car, and after a few moments pass, Shane hears the ignition start and the car hastily backing out of the driveway, and down the street.
Shane sighs heavy, knowing he's being dramatic, and finishes picking up the popcorn, then moves to the kitchen to throw it away.
"Don't you think you're being--"
"No, I'm being `a lot', I know..." He shakes the hair out of his eyes and sits back down, popping open a can of soda, "but it's good for Jess to know what it's like when the shoe's up the other ass."
"Sorry our weekend got ruined..." Alex sighs a wistful sigh. "--it was `Pin-the-Tail-On-the-Cock' Night over at MidKnights..." There's a loud laugh from the floor as Shane tries to wipe the soda that just shot out of his nose from up off the floor.
"Geez, Al!" Shane sputters as he reaches for some paper towels. "Give a guy some warning!!" Alex is completely unapologetic in her laughter.
"Sorry, I'm sorry! But that's okay, because next week is gonna be even better," She waves a flyer in front of Shane's face.
"What the hell is this?" It looks just a bit suspicious...especially considering Alex won't let him take a closer look at what it is.
"Pack your bags, Shane, we're gonna get you out of your depression the only way we know how."
Wearily, Shane asks the question, knowing full well he probably will NOT like the answer. "And that way is?"
"What else...I know there's something else...where?"
"I'm scared, I don't think I want to know."
"Are going to a white party!"
"Burn rubber baby!!!!"
Timestamp: 13:08 pm
Date: 16 October 2005
Current Song: Kitagawa Keiko/Sakura Fubuki
Current Mood: I'm going to need a Quaalude.
I'm about to go through the most terrifying experience anyone could ever go through; a road trip with Alex. I don't know if I'll survive. Fellow readers/bloggers, If you don't hear from me after a week, avenge my death.
Please include `Sidelines ` in the Subject heading to avoid the message being sent into my Bulk Mail.