Disclaimers: This story deals with homosexual themes and may further to intimate acts between males. So if this offends you or if you are not the proper age to view this story or It's against the law where you live to view this story then please don't view this story. By reading this story you agree that You are of legal age and it is not against the law to read such material. Those who do read I hope you enjoy . Feed back is appreciated. Distribution of this story may only be redistributed with my consent only. I hold all rights to this original work.

Comments: I would love to hear from you so don't be afraid to let me know if I should continue at ferrett189@yahoo.com .

A/N: This story will be told in first person point of view, Probably a switch between the main characters Anthony, Ian, Trey and Michael. Anthony POV starts off.

It had been a long day at basketball practice and my day still wasn't over. As I unlocked the door to my house, correction my dad's house, I already knew I would be leaving again in a few moments to meet Ian at the hospital to sit with mama J, as I called her. She had been diagnosed with breast cancer a few months back but they had caught it in the late stages so they said the chances of survival wasn't good. Mama J had decided trying was better then giving up, but it seemed the last couple weeks her illness had gotten severe. There were nights when I thought she had just about given up fighting when she made me promise to take care of Ian and myself.

The house was dark as expected, but the sound of sniffling startled me and I immediately went on guard, so I reached for an umbrella, the closest thing to me, and flipped on the light. I let out an audible sound of relief as I realized it was Ian...crying. He had his knees drew up against himself on the couch sitting upright as he laid his head on his knees, looking almost uncomfortable with him being 5'10. When he looked up at me his eyes were a deep red, as if he had been crying for a while and it nearly tore me in two to see my best friend of 17 years so completely shattered. I tensed dreading to think the worst. I was terrified to speak or to even ask the daunting question.

"Ian what's wrong?" I asked finally, my eyes never leaving his. And I knew even before he spoke. I knew mamma J had died, the mother I had had considered my own for so long, the mother I called mom, the mother I loved like I were born of her and suddenly I knew his pain. His heart break. He didn't speak for a long time but I understood. He didn't trust his voice.

" mom, she...she died.." and he stopped. his resolve breaking and his crying became loud and sporadic as his body shook, his white skin going red with the exertion of his body and the anger and pain I knew he was feeling. But I was unable to comfort him because I had fallen to the floor in a crumpled heap, shock finally loosing it's grip on me as I realized I wouldn't see mamma J tonight or ever again. I just cried until I felt my body relax into sleep. When I woke up I was not on the carpeted floor of the living room as I had expected. I was on the couch, sprawled out. As my vision came into focus I noticed Ian was in the chair with his head thrown back, looking up at the ceiling but he wasn't sleep. It was black outside, night had fallen.

"This was suppose to go a little differently, I think" My voice was sketchy and my laugh came out watery. Ian snapped his focus on me and his lips twitched like he was about to smile but it never came. I sat up, still feeling a little drained from my emotional break down and weighed down with grief of tonight's events. I couldn't bring myself to say mama J was gone or I would fall to pieces again.

" How is your dad, is he with my dad?" I asked .

" He really scared me earlier. He was the one who took it hardest, he was there when she died, and he just started screaming and yelling that she couldn`t be gone, he was in denial. They had to sedate him, to calm him down. Pop T didn't think I could handle being around my father when we both needed consoling so he said he would stay with dad tonight. And that I should come here. I wish I could be like him, he was so calm but his eyes gave him away. I could tell he was hurting just as much as any of us. He was being our rock when it wasn't just me and dad losing someone he was losing a friend of 20 some odd years, a person he's seen almost everyday of his life and then they just disappear." I heard it on the last word and he broke again, the tears streaming down his face and I instinctively got up, and even though the chair was made for one person I straddled his lap and pushed his face against my chest as he grabbed hold of me tight, as if he was scared I would leave him too. I started to cry again too. I cried for Ian. I cried for Mike. I cried for my dad. I cried for me and I cried for mamma J.

It finally seemed as though our crying had come to a stand-still, and I realized that I wasn't being strong like I had promised mama J I would be. I pulled his chin up so that our eyes were leveled and his face a tear stained mess, much like I'm sure mine was and before I could stop myself I took the thumbs of my fingers and wiped the tears from his cheek. His eyes seemed to be shinning like the sun after a thunderstorm but there was also something different in their striking green depths that I couldn't decipher, something that I had never seen before. It startled me when I felt his lips on mine and it seemed that, that shock numbed me and the kiss was over shortly after it began. When I realized that Ian was trying to get up I abruptly got off of him and he seemed terrified, stumbling through words that didn't make sense.

"Ian...Ian!" I called after him but he mumbled an "I gotta go" and I understood that he was terrified because so was I. The next thing I new he was gone.

Mom had always said that Anthony possessed a power in his hands. I usually laughed at the comment never fully understanding what she meant but at that moment while he was wiping away my tears, and she was in the arms of peace, I got it. Even though Anthony would not be able to take away the pain I felt at the loss of my mother his hands were smooth and soft yet strong and demanding. They comforted me, offering me reassurance and protection. His hazel eyes gleamed, perfectly matching his caramel colored skin. It was not an unfamiliar feeling that instanced inside of me, but my reaction was, before I even knew what I was doing my lips were on his. They were warmer and softer then I had imagined them being and it took a little longer to figure out he wasn't kissing back because I was caught in the moment of kissing him. But when I finally did realize I was doing this solo, fear overtook me, and hurt, and pain but that wasn't an unfamiliar for today . I needed to get away, immediately I was shuffling, trying to get him off me so I could get up. I guess he got the hint. I didn't dare look at him for fear of what I might see. What if he was disgusted? Hell, I was disgusted with myself how could I hope for someone else not to be.

I heard him say something but it didn't get past the thoughts whirring in my head so I uttered an "I gotta go" and left. Where was I going? I didn't know. I could always sneak in my house uninterrupted because dad let me have the basement as my room and that had a separate door. But in the morning how would I explain myself to pop T. I decided I was thinking too far ahead of myself and that I would just get to that fence when I jumped it. Besides it would be worse if Tony (if you didn't guess that's Anthony, I've just been calling him that for the longest) called his dad and asked if I went home and I wasn't but somewhere else without letting anyone know, dad would take time out to kill me then go back to mourning. I didn't want to put him through that anyway, he's having a hard enough time. And Pop T would probably say a few choice words and I would feel like gum on the bottom of somebody's shoe in no time.

When I got home I made sure to keep the door quiet because sometimes you could hear it opening and closing depending upon how fast you did it. My mind was a blend of contrasting feelings and I would do anything to silence the loud thoughts running through my head. Mom would always be able to tell if I was stressed about something and she always had the best advice but...I couldn't go to the kitchen just to pretend nothing was wrong so she would know something was ...because she wasn't there. And wouldn't ever be again. I was so tired and emotionally exhausted I couldn't cry so I fell to the bed and was sleep in a matter of minutes.

If you have any questions or comments please email them to ferrett189@yahoo.com.