Disclaimers: This story deals with homosexual themes and may further to intimate acts between males. This story also deals with relations between teenage boy/teenage boy and adult relations and also interracial themes. So if this offends you or if you are not the proper age to view this story or It's against the law where you live to view this story then please don't view this story. By reading this story you agree that You are of legal age and it is not against the law to read such material. Those who do read I hope you enjoy . Feed back is appreciated.

Distribution of this story may only be redistributed with my consent only. I hold all rights to this original work.

Comments: I would love to hear from you so don't be afraid to let me know if I should continue or if you're enjoying or not enjoying the story at ferrett189@yahoo.com .

A/N: I apologize that I didn't make it abundantly clear about the status of the Main characters I hope I did so apparently enough in this chapter. I will unfold the story as I go along, so not all questions will be answered right away. Thank you for your patience and for reading. I also apologize for any errors you may find throughout this story, I do not have a beta.

When I opened my eyes, I felt refreshed but that was before the memory of everything that had happened last night came back down on me again. My heart felt heavy once more. I looked at the clock and realized it was going on seven. I was going to be late for school. I didn't really feel like going anyway, especially with everything that was going on. My throat felt dry and scratchy so I made my way up to the kitchen to get some orange juice. I was almost shocked when I heard pop T say-

"Good Morning sleepy head" I knew I was busted. Damn!

I tried to act nonchalant getting the orange juice and pouring it in my cup as I replied

"Hey Pop T" I took a sip of my orange juice and realized Pop T was making breakfast. Dad must still be in bed. That thought was pulling at my heart and my eyes because dad was always up by six. Pop T must have seen the difference in my face because even before I realized it he had his arms around me, whispering that it was okay. I buried my face in his chest, comfortable there because Pop T had always been like a father away from home much like my dad was for Tony.

" Everything is all screwed up Pop T. mom is...mom is...and...and...Tony-" I realized what I was about to say I stopped and let my sobs overtake me. It didn't last long but I felt better that I had let it out then rather keep it to myself.

"Tony what? He told me you left last night but he wouldn't tell me why" Pop T said as he

realized my sniffles had stopped.

"I'm not ready to talk about it" I said breaking away from him, and he gave me a look but I didn't cave, so he just threw up his hands in defeat, before going to turn the burner off.

" Okay, I'll wait. Just know you can talk to me about anything, you and Ant" He said he got a smile out of me because Tony hated being called Ant. But his father got away with it and me occasionally when I was teasing him.

"Are you going to school today?" Pop T asked. And I really didn't want to, considering the past 12 hours had shown how unstable my emotional state was and I really didn't want to see Tony but I didn't even know if he was going to go today.

"Pop T is Tony going to school?" I asked and Pop T was fixing four plates filled with French toast, eggs, bacon, and jam. He knew French toast was my comfort food. I Loved him for it.

" No, he said he was going to come over here for breakfast . He's probably going to stay all day. I think he really wants to be here for you and Mike and plus I don't think he's in the mood to be around his peers. It would be quite alright if you decided to do the same. In fact I would even encourage it, don't force yourself back into the flow of things until you're sure you can handle it." He said as he poured him, Tony, and dad orange juice and refilled my cup.

" I'm going" I said shortly and he shot me a look like he knew why I was going but I couldn't face Tony. I didn't know when I would be able to, granted I couldn't avoid him forever. I was scared to face my feelings and scared to face how he would react to them. Even if that meant suffering though a day at Langston High when my mind would ultimately be on mom. I followed Pop T upstairs with breakfast because he said we needed to be together as a family right now. As we were walking up the stairs we heard the door open and I knew Tony was here. I panicked. The thought of seeing him after last night made me want to run in the other direction.

" Up here in Mikes and Je-" Pop T caught himself, and his eyes looked like they were on the verge of crying but then it was gone. I realized that Pop T was trying to be strong for us while he was wracked with pain. I wanted to be there for him but how could I if he denied there was anything wrong?

We got settled into dad's room before waking dad up, who was still sleeping like a baby. As I fixed up the fold out table for the plates, Tony walked in the room. Our eyes connected and I immediately looked away. I made sure to put my plate besides pop T and Dad's so that Tony would be on the outside of Dad.

I sat down and watched Pop T try to get Dad up. He whispered Dad's name while softly shaking him and I realized that we had become a family again. My dad and Pop T were best friends since high school and in his freshman year of college he met mom. They all became pretty close friends. But last year Pop T had become distant with dad and mom and no one knew why. I realized that now Pop T was probably also feeling guilty because of that year that he had spent away. But he was there every step of the way through mom's cancer. When he first found out we all cried but he cried the most, apologizing profusely for being so distant but never mentioning why.

My Thoughts were interrupted when Tony came and sat down. Dad and Pop T shortly followed.

" Thanks for cooking Trey. It's delicious" Dad said as he stuffed a spoonful of eggs in his mouth. I Noticed that even though Dad was trying to put up a good front, it was still just that. He seemed perfunctory as if he was trying to force himself back into some semblance of normal when his whole world had been torn in two. His smile seemed watery and pushed out at best.

" Of course it is. I made it." Pop T said and we all laughed. It suddenly became quiet and I made it my life's work not to look at Tony. My dad must have sensed our tension because he looked between me and Tony with weird looks before looking at Pop T , who shrugged his shoulders, as if to say "I don't know."

I was only 3/4ths done with my meal but I couldn't take being there anymore. So I took my napkin, wiped my mouth and stood up, thanked pop T for breakfast and said I had to get ready for school.

" Ian" That was Tony's voice but I didn't dare turn around. All I muttered was "I'm already going to be late" and continued to my room to wash up and put some clothes on. I was out the house in record time, afraid I would have another run in with Tony.

So I see Ian is still hung up on last night. I don't even know what last night was. He didn't even look at me all through breakfast and even when I caught his gaze he turned away so fast he could have snapped his neck. Damn. Life was in a fucked up place and it seemed to be getting more fucked up by the minute. I didn't know how to feel about last night. I mean I know E was probably just caught up last night but still it doesn't take away from the fact that another dude kissed me. I don't know how to feel about that or if I want to know how I feel about that.

Ian's leaving seemed to have a dominoes effect because soon after he left Mj ( that's what I call Mike, Ian's Dad) seemed to be uninterested in eating and his put upon demeanor seemed to change as if he was just now noticing mamma J wasn't present at breakfast but I knew that Mj wasn't strong enough to play pretend.

Maybe it was selfish, immature, whatever- but I didn't want to see Mj like that so I asked to be excused. I took cover in E's room. And though I had been here probably a million times and could name what was plastered on each wall of his room and every cd that he ever owned it was different somehow. I don't know exactly what made it different. Maybe it was the fact that the mere still moment of a photograph could no longer capacitate the void of her presence because the void was now eternal. Maybe it was just the knowledge that the woman in those pictures in Ian's room, the woman that was once so tangible, so real was now only alive in memories. Maybe it was the harsh reality that the women who had held together two families and who served me and Ian milk and cookies and gave me sage advice when I needed it, the woman who had made this haven like a home away from home for me...she was non- existent as if she had never partook of the living or breathed the air I'm breathing or...and suddenly the air I was breathing felt like it was going to suffocate me. I tried to breathe deep breaths of air but I realized that wouldn't help unless I calmed the fuck down. So I tried to expel the flood of flashing stills of Mamma J running through my head. Finally it seemed to dissipate. I crawled into E's bed staring at a picture of me, Mamma J and Ian. I stared at it for long seconds, minutes, or possibly hours but I wasn't sure as I drifted into sleep.

It took more energy then I thought I had to console Mike. There were moments were he seemed to make himself forget or deny but it was always present in his eyes. But then there were the moments when he broke and it almost shattered me to put him back together. Losing Jennie and seeing Mike like this was always tearing away at my resolve. Just any little thing threatened my sanity and the thin thread of composure I somehow managed to hold on to. They needed me, Ant needed me, Ian needed me and Mike needed me- maybe the most. It was the least I could do especially after-- I shook my head unwilling to add to my stress and heartache no matter how much I may have deserved it.

After I had managed to calm Mike down, and his crying ceased, he had fallen back to sleep and I was so scared he was going to fall into a depression. Shortly after having left Mike's room I checked in on Ant and he was sound asleep. It looked as if he had been crying but I wasn't too sure but the idea wasn't at all inconceivable considering the traumatic ordeal we'd all been through. As I turned to leave a picture of Jennie caught my eye. She was smiling, she was happy. But she was always like that. There was never an evil bone in her body. How could something like that happen to her? Why? She didn't deserve it. She didn't deserve a lot of things. I was suddenly angry and the glass frame seemed like just the right thing to take my anger out on at the second. I smashed it with my fist and the shards of broken glass fell to the floor tainted with my blood.

Ant seemed unaffected as he remained asleep. I stared directly at the now unprotected picture almost morbidly before sitting it down and going to get something to clean my had with.

Once I had my hand wrapped and I had cleaned the glass up in Ian's room I kissed Ant on the forehead and took to the house duties to keep myself busy and my mind off of Jennie.

I couldn't decide whether to be annoyed or grateful that everyone seemed to know the hole in the ground that was my life. Every where I turned someone was apologizing for the lost of my mom. As I sat in AP English 11 and watched Ms. Penny periodically give me " I feel so sorry for you" looks I couldn't concentrate on the assignment on the board or stay mad long enough at the teacher because I day dreamed mostly of the time my mom use to take me to the beach when I was about eight or nine and I'd chase her and she's let me catch her. Someone nudged me and I sported a scowl for whoever it was that broke me out of my daze. It was Aaron, who was late everyday and today was no exception as he pushed passed me with out so much as an apology, his bulky backpack pretty much assaulting me as to he tried to get through the small aisle. He picked the wrong day though. Seriously.

" What happened to the goddamn "excuse me" ?" I said angrily, looking up at him as he looked down at me.

" Andrew-" Ms. Penny said warningly but I was too angry to take head.

" MIA just like your fucking common courtesy, you could have moved over a little bit" He said glaring at me. He really didn't know what he was getting into.

" You really don't want to mess with me today Albright" I said warningly behind clenched teeth and Ms. Penny chose then to interrupt again.

" Andrew please take your seat and you'd both mind your manners. And I know your going through a hard time Ian but this kind of behavior is unacceptable in my class"

Andrew started his way to his seat but not before muttering "The only hard time Ian has is pulling his panties out his ass" That was it. I was on him like a rampant dog and we fell to the floor, the chair-desks screeching to the side to allow us space. I allowed even the anger that wasn't directed at him to be the force behind my punches. We were quickly fighting for dominance, rolling around on the floor, each landing a few punches before we were broken up. He had a small gash under his eye that was slightly bleeding and even though I probably didn't look much better and tasted blood, more than likely from a busted lip, I didn't feel any pain. They say anger makes you numb sometimes. I understood exactly what that statement meant at that moment.

Please leave any questions or comments at ferrett189@yahoo.com.