Verse 8

“You want to really start shit right here, right now?” Sean asks Reuben.

Sean gives him a solid push to his chest. Reuben stumbles backwards, grabs onto the nearest thing to him and composes himself. I can see Reuben isn’t expecting to be pushed so hard by Sean. Sean is about to follow up and get in Reuben’s face. The only thing that’s stopping Sean from damn near attacking Reuben is me at that moment.

“Sean calm down.”

I’m a little pissed at Reuben. This is the sweetest and dumbest thing someone has ever done. Sean is standing there right now steaming. Veins are coming out of Sean’s neck. I’m sure that Reuben managed to turn back any progress that Sean has made.

Still.

Reuben just admitted to the entire room of people that he was in love with me. I’m sure a lot of these people didn’t listen to pop music and a lot of these people weren’t familiar with Reuben. This wasn’t his crowd. Still. Every idea that I had made me think Reuben was some closeted gay guy obsessed with his image. That went right out the window with that song and him admitting his love.

“You protecting him?” Sean asks.

“This is not the time nor the place,” I tell Sean.
I’m not sure if Sean realizes that he’s causing a scene. People are staring. These are important people in his line of work. These are people that matter to his career. He could ruin all of that if he acted out right now. I was trying to protect Reuben but I was also trying to protect Sean.

“You protecting him?” Sean repeats.

That’s all he seems to care about. His eyes are blood shot red. It’s the look of someone who is stuck between sadness and uncontrollable rage. He looks like he wants to cry and scream at the same time. I feel bad for him but I’m also scared of what Sean is going to do right now.

Luckily behind me Reuben isn’t saying anything. I guess he feels like he’s made his point. He’s made it loud and clear. He made his point a little TOO well, if you ask me.

“Sean, you are acting a fool,” Captain Carmichael says, “You need to compose yourself.”

“FUCK THAT!” Sean snaps at his father.

In all my life of knowing Sean I’d never seen him snap at his father. Sean had gone off the deep end this time. There was no controlling him. I can tell. Sean starts to make his way over to Reuben again. He has his fist balled up ready for a fight.

“Leave,” I tell Reuben.

“No.”

“You’ve done ENOUGH!” I scream at Reuben, “LEAVE!”

“I just admitted I love you and this is how you react?” he asks me.

Reuben is hurt. I can see it in his eyes. Reuben has this idea of thinking that the only two people in this room are us. He’s thinking we are the only two people in this world. He doesn’t care right now about anyone else and I can see it in his eyes. He barely notices Sean or the veins or bloodshot eyes or balled fists. He doesn’t see any threat right now. Reuben is just concerned about me. It’s so naïve and beautiful at the same fucking time. I hate this guy and I’m falling for him all at the same fucking time.

This isn’t the time or place for this discussion. I turn at that moment.

“Sean let’s leave.”

Sean is confused when I say that. Reuben is even more confused. I say it and I mean it. I know the words just come out but right now I just want to keep the peace. If leaving with Sean kept the peace then that’s what I was going to do.

“You can’t be leaving with him,” Reuben attempts to grab me, “Please don’t say you’re going to leave with him. You don’t know what it took for me to come out here and do this. You don’t get it…”
Reuben doesn’t actually touch me but he looks over at me with these wanting eyes. He’s so fucking beautiful in that moment. The chandelier lights hit him in the right fucking way. It makes Reuben almost sparkle. I’ve never seen a guy look so beautiful before. There is a depth to him that Sean doesn’t even have. I am looking at Reuben in a whole different light.

Regardless of that, I turn away from him, “I’m leaving with my husband.”

For the moment, at least, Sean’s anger seems be bottled back up. He’s still about to burst and anything will push his bottle over the edge and shatter it into a million pieces. I’ve seen this side of Sean so many times.

I walk over to Sean. I put my hand on his face. I want to calm him down. Not for him. Not for me. I want to calm him down for Reuben. I want to calm Sean down because his career was on the line right now.

His colleagues were watching…
“Come on,” Sean says.

Sean grabs my hand. I can tell he is in a rush to get out of here. Sean is at his breaking point. I need to get him home before he does something crazy! I know it.

“Let me grab my jacket,” I start out.

“Fuck your jacket!” Sean screams out at the top of his lungs, “We are getting the fuck out of here! Right fucking now before I go break that faggot's neck.”

“Sean calm down.”

“Tell me to calm down one more time and I’m going to slap the DOG SHIT out of you in front of all these people!” Sean warns me.

My heart skips a beat. Everyone hears it. Captain Carmichael for the first time seems at a loss for words. Sean’s mother is crying. Monica looks scared to death. Then there were Sean’s colleagues. Everyone heard his threat. Sean was so loud and aggressive that everyone was clearing out of his way making sure not to upset him any further. It was clear that Sean was out of control right now. Nothing I could say to him right now would be able to ease it.

“Ok. Sean, ok. I hear you. Let’s go. Ok. Let’s just go…”

Sean is grabbing my hand so hard that I think he’s going to break it. I look back one more time to see Reuben. He looks heartbroken that I’m leaving with Sean but he doesn’t say anything at that moment. He just stands there and watches me leave. He shakes his head.

I wonder if Reuben has finally given up on me. I wonder if Reuben has finally realized that this isn’t a fight that he wanted to get involved with.

Maybe he finally came to the conclusion that I wasn’t worth it.

We are so close to leaving the dining room when I see Desean walking up. Almost immediately I want to cover my eyes because I can feel it coming. I can feel Sean’s anger coming out when he sees Desean.

And like an idiot Desean just won’t let a dead dog lie, “Looks like this is the real you huh? This is what Garrison was warning us about. This is the golden boy huh?”

Sean gets deathly quiet. He releases my hand.

I’m panicking!

“Sean…no…” I say with the softest voice I can manage. It’s like attempting to calm down a wild dog.

Sean is too far gone at this point, though.

Sean jumps on Desean! I attempt to pull Sean off of Desean but he elbows me hard to my stomach!

I fall to the ground. I’m helpless as I watch what happens to Desean next. Sean gets Desean onto the ground. He takes a chair and slams it into Desean’s back. Desean’s mouth explodes with blood. As soon as Desean hits the floor Sean starts slamming his foot over and over into Desean’s face. He does it over and over and over and over.

People are running over in an attempt to hold Sean back.

Sean breaks away!
He gets back to Desean. I watch with shock as Sean gets on top of Desean. Desean is screaming, “Get him off! GET HIM OFF!”

Desean is attempting to fight Sean back but it’s useless. Sean’s strength is superhuman. Desean’s eyes are covered in blood. He can’t even see.

I run over to Sean. A couple of other guys help me attempt to grab Sean off of Desean. He finds any way to harm Desean. Sean is scratching his brother and just when I am able to dig his fingernails out of Desean’s skin, Sean does the unthinkable. He takes a MOUTHFUL of Desean’s ear and tears!

“No Sean, NO!” I scream.

At this point, I’m hitting Sean in the back of my head. It’s too late.

Sean bites down and CHEWS! He rips Desean’s ear CLEAN OFF!

He spits it on the ground and starts screaming at Desean, “You did this. YOU FUCKING DID THIS TO ME TONIGHT YOU PIECE OF SHIT!”

Sean is pulled away by a group of his colleagues but still manages to start throwing FULL bottles of wine at Desean from across the room. His aim is horrible and Sean manages to throw a bottle right at the Mayor’s wife. The bottle cracks open on the mayor’s wife.

I watch her hit the floor and just lay there. For a minute I think the woman is completely dead! I swear Sean has killed someone.

Sean has to be TAZED and taken down by the off duty police officers. I watch as they handcuff Sean and take him to jail.

And there’s nothing I can do to help him. Sean has finally released the monster inside…

========

It’s raining heavily.

A horrible storm mirrored the horrible storm that took place at Desean’s honoring ceremony.

Monica drives me home after Sean’s episode. The ride home is the most awkward thing possible. Monica doesn’t speak at first. I’m not sure if she blames me at all for what happened. I’m not sure how she feels. I hear her on the phone talking to Captain Carmichael about Sean. They don’t say much but I know for sure that Sean has been taken to jail and that the Captain plans on bailing him out. The fact that Sean exploded like that in front of everyone was the worst thing that could have happened tonight.

“Is…the mayor’s wife OK?” I ask Monica after she gets off the phone.

Monica nods, “She’s fine. She says she won’t press charges…”

I hesitate. Monica is being short with me. She just stares into the traffic as we keep going. I know she is upset but I can’t get a true read on how she feels.

“What about Desean?” I ask.

“What about him?”

“Is he OK?”

Monica sighs, “He….”

Monica can’t finish her sentence. She starts crying all of a sudden. She starts crying so hard that she pulls over to the side of the road. I don’t know how to react when Monica lays her head on the steering wheel and wails uncontrollably. I’ve never seen Monica this emotional. She was always this strong business woman with a confident sense of self. Monica didn’t understand what went on tonight and I feel bad for her.

I find myself comforting her putting my hand on her back. I rub. I couldn’t imagine how she felt. I wasn’t surprised honestly tonight. I’d lived through Sean’s brutality. They hadn’t. They were just now experiencing it all for the first time.

“I’m sorry,” I explain.

I know she blamed me. My relationship with Reuben triggered this. Reuben could have told me how he felt about me in private.

“Sorry for what?” she asks surprisingly, “This wasn’t you. No one blames you for what happened tonight, Garrison.”

“You don’t?”

Monica shakes her head, “Of course not. I guess I just assumed it wasn’t that bad with Sean. I mean I knew, but a part of me always gave Sean the benefit of the doubt. What he did to Desean was something crazy. I’d never seen anything like that. Even when you fight someone there is this sense of restraint. There is this sense that maybe you don’t want to kill that person. Maybe you just want to hurt that person too badly, at the least. Sean didn’t have that restraint in his eyes…”

“He loses it,” I notice.

Monica nods at that moment, “He loses it.”

She tears up for a few more minutes and attempts to take a deep breath. I rub on the side of her back. I want to cry not because of Sean but because of Monica. I honestly did see this woman as a sister and a friend. The fact that she was in so much pain right now made me upset.

“When I told you I needed to escape,” I explain to Monica, “I meant it. I meant that I think your brother would kill me if I stuck around. I wasn’t joking. I could love Sean to the moon and back but how many chances does love have until it’s over? I can’t love Sean from my grave, Monica. I can’t do that for him…I just can’t.”

Monica nods.

“I get it now.”

“Do you really? Do any of you get it?” I ask at that moment, “Do you think it’s the best idea to bail him out of jail?”

“C`mon G,” Monica says, "There is no chance he even gets booked. You know how bad that would look on the family. He's my brother."

“Monica. I know that but you also know what else he is,” I explain.

Monica pauses.

There’s so many words that can be put into place. He was mentally unstable. He was abusive. He was aggressive. He was uncontrollable.

Monica knew what her brother is and she stares out into the darkness when she describe it, “He’s a monster.”

I nod.

“Just please talk to your father. Don’t bail him out. Please.”

Monica shakes her head, “Listen. My family will deal with him from now on. I think we all understand now why you wouldn’t want to get back into that position. You won’t be hearing us force you into that situation again. I promise.”

“Thanks but Monica I still care about Sean. Maybe Sean needs to sit in jail for a little bit longer. Maybe he needs---“

“No,” Monica stops me, “We’ll take care of Sean. I’m sorry Garrison but at this point, I think it’s best we take over. You have your own situation going on.”

“Don’t say it like that.”

“I don’t blame you. I think…honestly, it’s nice that you have someone who can distract you from all this. This is more than anyone I know could have handled. I respect you more for it. Would you like me to take you to him?”

“Where?” I ask.

“Would you like me to take you to Reuben?” Monica asks.

I think about it for a second. Did I want to see Reuben? Yes. Did I think it was too soon to see Reuben? Yes. I honestly did. It was way too soon to see Reuben.

“Can you take me home?” I ask instead.

Monica nods silently and turns the car back on and drives slowly through the rain.

I sit in my condo alone. I think about everything that has happened. I need a plan moving forward. The Carmichaels probably realize that there is no way I’m getting back with Sean after what they saw tonight. They probably know for sure that I was breaking up with him. They were completely right.

I would need to find a new place to live. They wouldn’t be paying for this place any longer.

I was OK with that. They should be using all of their resources to help Sean. Sean desperately needed the help. I still hadn’t heard back about Desean’s condition. That meant that it wasn’t good. Sean had gone beyond anything anyone imagined tonight. His father had a lot of sway in the criminal justice world but not even I could see how his father could completely save Sean from this situation and walk away scot free.

You can’t hide a monster forever. Sometimes when you ignore it, it just might come from underneath the bed.

I lay down in bed and fall asleep.

==================================================

I put my love in a jar and I save it for a rainy day
I put my wishes on a star and I’m flying so far away

Was I dreaming? I can see Reuben. I’m in a house. He’s singing a song. He's playing a guitar. His voice is so soft. He is butt naked in bed. We’ve just made love. His body is still drenched with sweat. And I remember every time we make love he sings to me. Am I dreaming about this? Has this happened before? I never had sex with Reuben. We never crossed that line? So why do I remember him in me? Why does it feel like he’s barely just pulled out of me and he’s singing me to sleep after the best sex we ever had in my life.

Why does this dream feel so real?

I put my cards on the table, regardless of what I play
I put a smile on your face, no matter what I say

He gets up. He’s still naked. He is still singing his silly song and I’m following him. I’d follow him anywhere. He runs naked inside of the rain. I never felt happiness like this. I know I’m dreaming of Reuben but why am I so happy? This is nothing like Sean. I know this is someone who would never hurt me. I know this is someone who would never break my heart. This is love in its purest form. This is true love. This is something deeper than anything I could ever understand.

So I follow Reuben out into the rain and even though this is just a dream it feels too real. The rain beats on my head. And I’m running. I’m chasing him. Reuben is laughing. He’s laughing so hard. We are naked in the rain. We are dancing to his stupid song. And I join him in singing it.

I put my plan in motion, to always make you stay
I put my mind at ease, you’ll never be too far away
I put my two cents in this, I’ll love you every day
I put my money where my mouth is, I’m not scared to pay

“Garrison?”

I wake up out of my dream.

I’m drenched. What the fuck?

Right in front of my face is Reuben. He seems really surprised that I’m standing in front of him all of a sudden. I’m just standing there looking right at him. He’s looking at me. We exchange these confused looks.

My clothes are soaking wet. I’m being rained on.

“Where the fuck am I?”

“Garrison…you’re standing in front of my fucking house…what the fuck?” Reuben asks me, “I had this strange feeling to look outside. And I see you. You’ve been just standing here for god know how long…how did you get here?”

I am so confused. I was just sleeping and then I woke up in front of Reuben’s house. I have on my pajamas. I’m barefooted. The soles of my feet hurt.

Did I walk here?

Did I fucking walk here in my sleep!
“I don’t know,” I explain.

Reuben looks over at me, “Come in…”

“No. I can’t. Its inappropriate. I know that now. You’re married Reuben.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” Reuben asks me, “It’s freezing outside. You're drenched. Come inside of the house. What the fuck is wrong with you? Your feet are swollen. Did you walk here? Barefooted? In the rain?”

I had to have done that.

I nod, “Something’s wrong with me Reuben. I was asleep. I was dreaming.”

“Of what?”

“Does it matter?”

Reuben nods, “Actually yeah. It does…”

“I was dreaming about us. You were singing a song and then we ran out in the rain together. It went something like : I put my love in a jar and I save it for a rainy day…

Reuben stares hard at me, “I put my wishes on a star; and I’m flying so far away?”

“You know that song?” I ask, “How? Where have you heard that song before?”

Reuben shrugs, “A few nights ago I was singing it in my sleep. Pace woke me up and told me what I was singing. Since then I couldn’t get it out of my head. I put my love in a jar. I keep singing it over and over. I told Pace that it has to do with you. I told him that I can’t get you out of my head. I told him I needed space...”

“What does that have to do with me showing up here?”

Reuben gives me a hard look.

“I think I know.”

“Why? Why did I sleepwalk here?” I ask.

“Because with me is where you belong,” he answers.

I don’t have a chance to think about that concept because Reuben picks me clean up off my feet. He grabs me in his arms and scoops me into the house.

Reuben cradles me in his arms as I’m dripping wet. He doesn’t seem to give a damn though. He takes me all the way upstairs. All the while I realize that this is so familiar. It feels like we’ve done this a million times before. I don’t stop Reuben. I don’t stop him when he lays me on his bed. I don’t stop him as he takes off my wet clothes one layer at a time until I’m completely naked. I don’t stop him when Reuben takes off his clothes and stares at me.

I worship his body in my mind. I look at his strong muscles and his long dick. It’s longer than anything I could have imagined. It’s uncomfortably big. Normally something like that would scare me. It’s too big. I’m not scared of Reuben though.

Reuben climbs over me. He leans me up against his headboard. He slowly leans into me and kisses me.

His lips are soft and wet.

He whispers, “I’ve loved you before. I’ll love you again. Forever.”

I don’t know why he says it. It doesn’t sound like something he hasn’t said to me before. I know how his lips taste before he kisses me. I know how his tongue tastes. I know how his dick feels like when it slowly starts to enter me. When he groans it sounds so familiar.

I throw my head back. I bite his lower lip. I mutter his name, “Bobby.”

He takes me by my ass and he fucks me. He fucks me slow. He fucks me easy. He fucks me deep and he promises, “I’ll never leave you, Charles.”

I don’t think about it at that moment that Reuben’s name isn’t Bobby. My name isn’t Charles. It doesn’t matter. It never did. We are making love and every second matters. No matter what our names are there is this attachment that we have that we can’t fucking explain.

He fucks me. Hard. Well into midnight. His deep dick making sure that my walls are filled to capacity and when he delivers his load I feel like I want him a part of me forever.

He rolls over and pulls my body on top of him. He lays me on his chest and he wings in my ears,

“I put my foot down, I’ll never lead you astray.
I put my brave face on. Our love will never go away.”
=====================================================================================================================

The phone rings. It’s not my phone. I don't have one. It’s Reuben’s. He leans over lazily. I moan. I was so comfortable laying in bed naked with him like this. It’s the middle of the morning. I never slept so peacefully than I was sleeping in Reuben’s arms. This felt like where I belonged. I was scared to let him know that. He was married. I was married. I was scared to let him know I was so fucking comfortable here but it was the truth.

“Don’t answer it.”

“Stop being such a baby,” Reuben whispers.

“Is it your husband?” I ask.

Reuben gives me a pinch in the darkness of the light, “Not funny.”

Reuben looks at the phone. He seems to recognize the number but he seems a little bothered by it.

“Who is it?”

“Monica…” he says surprised before picking up the phone, “Hello. Yeah. Yeah, Monica. He’s here. Hold on. I’m going to put him on.”

Reuben seems a little bothered and I don’t know why until he hands me the phone. I can tell by Monica’s breathing on the other line that something has gone very wrong. She sounds like she is panicking.

“Monica…what’s wrong?”

“You were right! You were right. We shouldn’t have let him out!”

“Monica what the fuck is wrong? Calm down. Tell me what happened.”

“I went to go check on Desean in the hospital. Someone shot him. Desean’s dead…”

“Oh my god.”

Monica is crying, “And I’m positive it was Sean.”

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