Chapter 10


He felt weak. He couldn't move his arms or legs very much. His head, chest, and right shoulder hurt like hell. He was surrounded by strange voices. Slowly and with a great deal of effort he was able to open his eyes.


"Well, back among the living I see. You gave us quite a scare. We almost lost you, but you'll be okay now." The nurse said.

"Where am I?" he asked.


"You're at County General Hospital." A Dr. said, coming into the room. "You were attacked and stabbed several times. You lost almost a quarter of your total blood volume. Fortunately your blood type is the most common of all, and we had an ample supply on hand."


An unreadable look crossed Jay's face as he digested that information. "Why am I restrained?"


"The restraints are in place to keep you from moving around too much and tearing open all of the stitches, which are over two-hundred. Do you want to talk about it?"


"Talk about what?"


"Why you were wandering alone in that particular section of the park in the middle of the night?"


"I don't know. I guess I don't really care what happens to me."


"Why's that?"


"I've lost everything. I have nothing left."


"Define everything."


"I've lost my job, my security clearance, my home, and most importantly, my boyfriend."


Without further prompting, Jay told the doctor about the phone call, the threats, the blackmail, everything. Nothing was left out.


"Hmm...I see. It is easy to understand why he misinterpreted what he saw. Why didn't you call the police?"






"Dr. Curtis, I'm a field agent for the FBI. If I had called the police, they would have laughed at the FBI agent who can't protect himself and his boyfriend from the bad guys. Not only would they not have helped, but they would have had a field day with it."


"I see. So, does your boyfriend know where you are?"




"Would you like me to get in contact with him?"


"It would be a waste of time. He doesn't want anything more to do with me."


"I can see why you would think that. Put yourself in his shoes. How would you react if you came home and found your lover having sex with another man?"


"I would probably react the same way, but after I calmed down I would have wanted an explanation. I wouldn't have thrown him out until I had one."


"Everyone reacts differently to the same situations. However, there were mitigating circumstances he needs to know about. Do you have any proof to back up what you're saying?"


"No, but I will never forget his face."


"What about the FBI? Would they help?"


"I doubt it. My supervisor is extremely homophobic. He wouldn't do anything but fire me. Once he finds out that I'm gay, he'll have my security clearance revoked. You can't even mop the floors without a clearance. That would be the end of my career in law enforcement."


"Why's that?"


"Once my security clearance was revoked, not even the local yokels would hire me. True or not, the implications are that I could not be trusted."


"So what do you intend to do?"


"There's nothing I can do. My life is totally over."


"Why do you say that?"


"Like I said earlier, I've lost my job, my home and my boyfriend."


"Well, I probably can't do anything to help with the job, but I think I can help in the other areas. I take it the two of you were living together?"


"Yes we were."


"Is he out?"


"Yes. He's totally out."


"So it probably wouldn't be a problem for me to call him."


"Why? So you can try to convince us that we're sick and need help to be cured of our homosexuality?" Jay responded sarcastically.


"You need help, but not for the reasons you think. You need help to deal with what has happened, get your life back on track, and hopefully get back together with your boyfriend, if that's what you want. You owe it to the both of you." Dr. Curtis put as much compassion as he could into the last statement.


"You mean you don't think we're sick or diseased?"


"No, I don't. Homosexuality has been determined by the American Psychiatrists Association to be a biological condition, not a choice, disease, or mental disorder. What is your boyfriend's name?"


"Kyle. Kyle Matthews. His number is 555-3485. If you talk with him, please tell him that I love him more than life itself and I'm so very sorry and I want to see him so I can explain why I did what I did."


"Okay." The doctor looked at his watch. "I'll check in with you later."