Chapter 31

 

The next several months were horrible. Kyle was forced to relive his kidnapping and rape as part of his recovery process. Some would have considered it even cruel and inhumane, but an absolutely necessary evil. Although very slow, progress was made.

 

He had led a relatively sheltered life, growing up in a small town where everybody got along well and there was little to no crime. It was inconceivable to him that people could be violent and cruel towards another human being. This impeded Kyle's recovery to the point where Doctor Foster was getting frustrated with the slow and sometimes lack of progress. Neither man was willing to give up, nor did Doctor Foster let his frustrations show.

 

Doctor Foster had also advised that the inevitable "welcome home" party be kept small. He didn't want Kyle to be overwhelmed on his first day home. Plus he was sure that Kyle and Jay would want to spend time alone. They had a lot of catching up to do. During the course of Kyle's hospitalization, Jay's visits were restricted to three hours during the week and eight hours on the weekends. His presence would be a distraction and, Doctor Foster thought, would put unwitting pressure on Kyle. He was, however, allowed short, after-hours phone calls from his friends and family. No one except Jay could understand why his visits were restricted as they were and that he was not allowed to call Kyle, but Doctor Foster's reputation as being one of the best in the business, plus his obvious caring, instilled faith and confidence in everyone that he knew what he was doing and what was best for Kyle. Jay would have willingly stayed away completely, if necessary if it meant one less day that Kyle had to stay in the hospital.

 

At last the big day came. Kyle was being discharged from the hospital. He was allowed to resume sexual relations with Jay under three conditions - one, that Kyle had to be the partner to initiate the lovemaking; two, they were to stop if either man felt the slightest bit uncomfortable or apprehensive; and three, they were to be careful. No rough stuff for at least another couple of months. Since at least one of their rape sessions was done bareback, they were advised to continue using condoms, at least for the foreseeable future.

 

As they pulled into the driveway, Kyle looked around for any telltale signs that a welcome home surprise party. Although he was anxious to see his friends, none of whom were allowed to visit him after the day they played Killer Bunnies, he secretly hoped no one was there. He wanted to spend his first day -and night- home alone with Jay. He had missed Jay so much over the year-long ordeal. All he wanted to do was get inside and snuggle on the couch with Jay. He needed to be held in his boyfriend's arms.

 

Surprisingly, sex was the furthest thing from his mind. As he entered the house, the first thing he noticed was a huge "Welcome Home Kyle" banner. He braced himself, expecting to be mobbed. Surprisingly, no one was there, although the dining room table was covered with paper plates, plastic silverware, cups, and everything.

 

Noticing the expression on Kyle's face, Jay took him in his arms. "The party is tomorrow night. I wanted for us to be alone on your first night home" he whispered, "just the two of us." He pulled slightly away, took Kyle's face in his hands and kissed him gently.

 

After a few seconds, Kyle broke this kiss and pulled Jay into a fierce embrace. "Just hold me, please" he whispered. "It's been so long since you've held me like this. I've missed you so much. You don't know how much it means to me that you stood by me through all of this. Most other guys would have written me off a long time ago."

 

"Kyle, I said it once and I'll say it again. This whole ordeal has shown me what a precious gift you are to me and how lucky I am to have you back in my life again."

 

"Jay, I'm sorry. I should have let you explain..."

 

Jay placed two fingers across Kyle's lips. "Shhh. Baby, it's okay. We're past all that."

 

"Can you possibly find it in your heart to forgive me?"

 

For a response, Jay kissed him deeply. "I already have. Let's not ever speak of it again. Okay?"

 

Kyle sighed. "Okay. God I love you so much it hurts."

 

Whatever response had formed in Jay's mind was interrupted by the doorbell.

 

"Who could that be? I told everyone that the party would be tomorrow night." Jay said, irritated at the interruption.

 

"Well, there's only one way to find out." Kyle strode over to the door and opened it to reveal a delivery driver from a nearby Italian restaurant.

 

"Kyle Matthews?"

 

"I'm Kyle Matthews. What can I do for you?"

 

The driver handed over two large bags. "This is for you."

 

"There must be some mistake. I didn't order anything."

 

"No mistake, Mr. Matthews. It was ordered and paid for. There's a note in one of the bags."

 

"Oh. Okay, thank you." Kyle tipped him, shut the door and placed the bags on the dining room table. "Jay, do you know anything about this?"

 

"No, I don't. I assumed you ordered it. I wonder who it's from."

 

"The delivery guy said there was a note in one of the bags. That should tell us, but I have an idea. Either Kim and Bryan, Tommy and Andy, Karin and Denise or Dave and Greg." They rummaged through the bags and brought forth a veritable smorgasbord of Italian food. Jay found the note and read it out loud.

 

Dear Kyle and Jay,

We know you guys wanted to spend your first night home together alone. We also know that neither of you would want to deal with the hassle of making dinner, but we decided that you both needed a special dinner to celebrate and that this would hopefully be a fitting welcome home gift. Enjoy and we'll see you tomorrow.

 

Love,

Tommy and Andy

 

"What in hell are we going to do with those guys?" Jay noticed that Kyle was sitting at the table, tears flowing down his cheeks.

 

"H-h-how can I ever repay everyone for all that they've done for us?"

 

Jay gently wiped the tears away, planting a tender kiss on his forehead. "You've already done it by coming back to us."

 

Kyle glanced at the clock. Five o'clock. He got out his cell phone and hit the speed dial button for Tommy.

 

Glancing at the caller ID, Tommy saw that it was Kyle calling and decided to have a little fun. He answered the phone before the voicemail could pick up. "I'm sorry. I can't come to the phone right now. I'm busy fucking my insatiable boyfriend's brains out. My best friend's damned sexual insatiability has rubbed off on him. Please leave a message and I'll call you back after I'm done if I have the strength and energy....beep."

 

"Tommy, it's me. Listen. I can't even begin to figure out how I'm going to repay you and Andy for all that you've done for me - us. We've put you guys through hell and yet you send us this magnificent dinner."

 

"Kyle, don't. The two of you back together where you belong is more than enough thanks. I've told you many times in the past that I will always be there for you and I think I've proven that I meant it."

 

"You have. God I don't even want to think about what would have happened if it hadn't been for the two of you and Jay."

 

Jay nodded a vigorous agreement.

 

"I owe you all a debt that I don't think I'll ever be able to repay."

 

"Invite them to dinner." Jay whispered.

 

"Why don't you and Andy come over for dinner? There's more than enough."

 

"Thank you, but no. You guys need to be alone tonight. It's been way too long since the two of you have been together by yourselves. Tonight is special. Just save us some leftovers and we'll call it even."

 

"You have a deal! Come over for lunch tomorrow and plan on spending the day at the beach with us."

 

"Cool. I gotta tell you it must be nice to have your own private beach."

 

Kyle had a momentary flashback to the pictures of him and Jay having sex in the sand. He froze.

 

"Kyle? Kyle, are you okay?" Jay asked, worried.

 

"Kyle!" Tommy yelled into the phone, hearing Jay's concerned voice in the background.

 

"I'm okay. The picture of the two of us that started this whole mess just popped into my head."

 

Jay immediately wrapped Kyle in his arms. "It's okay, baby. He can't hurt either of us ever again."

 

"Seriously, I'm fine. I was just thinking how much I want to make love to you on the beach tonight. It's been so long since we've had sex on the beach." He started nuzzling Jay.

 

"Uh, Kyle...you don't drink, and I only drink lite beer". Jay responded, deliberately misconstruing what Kyle was saying.

 

"Jay? What's going on? Is Kyle okay or not?" Both men laughed when they realized that they had totally forgotten about Tommy on the phone.

 

"Yeah, he's fine, Tommy. He's just up to his old tricks again. Sorry about that."

 

"Jay, his voracious sexual appetite is going to be the death of you some day."

 

"Probably, but at least I'll go with a smile on my face."

 

"You're incorrigible, just like he is. I swear you two are going to drive me to drink."

 

"But you've drank since you were twenty-one."

 

"See? Not only have you driven me to drink, but you've somehow managed to make it retro-active!'

 

"Say good night, Tommy."

 

"Good night Tommy."

 

"Shithead! We'll see you guys tomorrow."

 

"Watch out the sand doesn't get where you don't want it." Tommy teased.

 

"Bitch! I'm hanging up, now. Goodbye"

 

"See you guys tomorrow." Tommy replied, laughing into the phone.

 

After dinner when everything was cleaned up and put away, Kyle and Jay walked along the moonlit beach, barefoot and holding hands.

 

"I love the beach at night. It's so peaceful and calm. I remember when I was a little kid the sound of the waves used to put me to sleep. Sometimes they still do."

 

"I know what you mean, Kyle." Jay stopped and pulled him into a gentle embrace. "I can't imagine what it would have been like without you. I doubt I'd ever set foot on this beach again. Or any beach, for that matter."

 

"Hey. Don't go all morbid on me. I want this night to be special."

 

"It is special, Baby. It's special because we're together."

 

They reached a secluded section of the beach and spread out the blanket on the sand. They lay on the blanket close, but not quite touching.

 

"Please hold me." Kyle begged. Jay gathered Kyle up into his arms. "I've missed being held by you so much. I can't tell you what an indescribable feeling it is to be held in your arms like this, all alone. No doctors or nurses around, just you and me. Make love to me, please?"

 

"Are you sure? You know what the doctor said. You have to be the one to initiate things, and if either one of us starts to feel uncomfortable, we stop."

 

"Nothing is going to stop us." Kyle replied firmly.

 

"Kyle, forcing you into something you're not ready for could put you back in the hospital. Do you want that?"

 

"No, but on the other hand, I can't keep continuing to deny you the fulfillment of your needs. You can't deny that your needs are starting to get overwhelming."

 

"I can deny it, because the number one need I have, and have had for the longest time, is being fulfilled right now. Right now I'm content just to hold you in my arms. Sex can wait until you are absolutely and completely ready for it."

 

"But I am ready. I want it so badly it hurts. It's been so long since I've felt you inside me. Please Jay. Please. I need this. I need you."

 

"You know the ground rules that Doctor Foster laid down. You have to initiate, if either one of us feels the slightest discomfort we stop, and no rough stuff."

 

"Why do we have to have ground rules? Why can't it be spontaneous and wonderful like it used to be?" Kyle pulled away from Jay and sat up.

 

Jay sat up and moved so he could look him straight in the eyes. "First of all, Kyle, those ground rules, which ARE only temporary, are to keep you safe and out of the hospital. Secondly, these rules won't affect the spontaneity of our lovemaking unless you choose to allow them to."

 

"I just want things to be back the way they were. I want things to be right between us."

 

Jay reached over and placed a tender kiss on Kyle's lips. "Things are right between us. I love you more than life itself. You are way beyond precious to me. I can't lose you. Things will return to normal in time. We just have to take it slow and be patient. You do love me, don't you?"

 

"I do, with every fiber of my existence."

 

"Then believe that our love is strong enough to see us through this and have faith in us."

 

Kyle sat there motionless, staring at Jay until he started to wonder if he said the wrong things and if Kyle was going to get up and leave. Suddenly, without any warning Kyle threw himself on Jay, kissing him with careless abandon.

 

Jay returned the kiss with all of the pent-up passion that had been building up inside him.

 

Kyle broke the kiss abruptly. "What's wrong Baby?" Jay asked.

 

"We have clothes on."

 

"And?" Jay prompted.

 

"I'm just trying to figure out how to make love to you and not have you repulsed by my scar." He responded quietly, looking everywhere but at Jay.

 

"Kyle, look at me." He repeated it more forcefully when Kyle refused. "I love you. I have since the moment I laid eyes on you. I always will love you. That scar doesn't bother me in the least. "To prove he meant what he said, Jay yanked off Kyle's shirt and traced the scar gently with his fingertip before he bent down and kissed it.

 

"I just don't understand how you can possibly be attracted to me now."

 

"Kyle, it's not just your body that I'm attracted to. It's everything about you. You have a great personality, you're way smarter than me, you're kind, open-minded, generous, a gifted artist and singer. When you're on your game, you throw a perfect game of cricket. I don't know of anyone who can complete a game with only nine darts. All of these things combined are what make you the man I love more than anything. One little scar is not going to change the way I feel about you. What do I have to do to prove that to you?"

 

"I don't know. I just want things to be the way they used to be, you know, the way you would grab me, pull me into the bedroom and screw my brains out without any warning. I miss that. I hate that we have to plan our lovemaking."

 

"Baby, we don't have to plan anything. We just have to do a little role-reversal for the time being. Whenever you want sex, all you have to do is tell me. I'll always be ready, willing and able to make love to you." He took Kyle's hand and placed it on his crotch so that Kyle could feel his erection. "See what I mean?"

 

Kyle rubbed it for a moment before grabbing Jay and pulling him down on top of him. "Please make love to me." He whispered. After about a half-hour of foreplay, Kyle couldn't stand it any longer. He flipped Jay onto his back, straddled his hips and impaled himself. He sat motionless on Jay's hips until Jay raised his eyebrows in question. "This feels so good I don't want to move and cause you to come. I want to stay like this forever."

 

"What's going to happen when you have to take a dump?"

 

"We'll just have to figure that out when the time comes." Kyle replied with a straight face.

 

Jay started giggling at the mental image that popped into his head. The giggling turned into laughter. He was laughing so hard his whole body shook. His shaking had an immediate effect on Kyle, who started bucking wildly as if they had to finish as quickly as possible before they got caught.

 

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Kyle, slow down. Stop. STOP!"

 

Kyle stopped bucking and looked at Jay with an unreadable expression on his face, his eyes glazed over. "I don't want to just fuck you. I want to make love to you. I want it to last as long as we can make it last. On second thought, maybe we should stop."

 

Suddenly, Kyle shook his head. He appeared to be just noticing what was going on. "What?"

 

"Do you realize what just happened? You spaced out and tried to rape yourself."

 

"Damn it! I wanted this to be so perfect and I messed it up." He pulled himself off Jay, flung himself down on the ground, facing away from Jay and started sobbing. "Call it off, Jay."

 

"Call what off?"

 

"The wedding. There's no way you want to be with me. I can't even have you make love to me without screwing it up."

 

Jay tried to turn Kyle to face him. Failing that, he moved to the other side of him so he could face him. "Look at me, baby." Kyle reluctantly looked at him. "What do you see?"

 

"Someone who would be better off without me."

 

Fuck! The doctor warned me that Kyle would have self-esteem issues, but I didn't expect this. "Look again, baby. The only thing in front of you is someone who will never let you go, no matter what. My feelings for you have not changed, Doctor Matthews." Jay purposely used Kyle's new title to emphasize the fact that Kyle had fulfilled one of his dreams. "You're not going to get out of marrying me. The sex will wait until you are totally and completely ready."

 

"Why?"

 

"Why? I've told you many times before, you are a precious gift to me, one that I cherish and don't ever want to lose. I can wait for as long as it takes."

 

Kyle sniffled and looked Jay in the eyes, realizing the truth in his words. "Can we try again, please?"

 

"Are you sure?"

 

"Yes, I'm sure." This time, their lovemaking was wonderful, both of them bringing each other to completeness. Afterwards Jay hugged Kyle close and remarked "I can't wait to marry you" as they drifted off to sleep.