The Reunion Show – part 7
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“Are you gay?” There it
was. The question of the century. We walked on for a second
before I answered him.
“Out of curiosity, whatever the
answer is, would it change how you treat me?”
“Would it change your trust for me?”
“Would it change the flavor of my
weeks at the beach?” I asked, smiling.
“Your ‘sex’, Logan.” He
returned the smile. Oh man! I’m dyin’ here. I opened
my mouth to answer him when all of a sudden we heard a car horn
beeping. We turned around and saw Mr. Happy Cameraman hurrying
over to us with a new camera. I closed my mouth and turned back
“Looks like we’re back on the camera,
Scottie ol’ boy.” I smiled a big grin.
“So you’re not going to answer,” he
said with his eyebrows raised.
“Let’s finish our walk.”
* * *
We continued south on Monroe Drive,
back towards Ponce and the studio. It was still midmorning and I
was kinda feeling nasty from the humidity, so I was looking forward to
“So again, you’re not going to answer
me?” Scott asked.
“Whatever the answer, I think I’ll
keep you in suspense for eight more weeks.” I turned to face the
camera and said, “You have no idea the stuff you missed! We
sixty-nined on the dock in front of the boathouse!” Scott burst
“Man, why’d you say something like
that?” smiling his gorgeous smile.
“ ‘Cause, pal, I’m ‘controversial.’ “
We walked on a bit without talking,
and you know what, it was actually a comfortable silence. I
didn’t feel the need to yenter it up thow whole time I was with him.
“I noticed you brought a walkman?”
“Yep. Gotta have my tunes with
“What kind of music do you listen to?”
“Anything but rap, grunge or heavy
metal. Basically, if I can’t understand what the singer’s saying
it can’t be that important.”
“But I’m kinda behind the times in
music. I’ve been listening to big band music since I was real
little. I mostly like easy listening-“
“-because music always has something
to say?” he interrupted with Freddie’s favorite quote.
I chuckled. “Yeah, I
guess. Music from back then always seemed to have a point, or to
tell a story, or send a message. It’s funny, though, because I do
like some current groups; only problem is that it takes me about five
or ten years after they’ve become popular before I start listening to
“Yeah. I’m a bit of a
dope. I didn’t start listening to the B-52’s until a few years
ago. My roommate in college gave me their Cosmic Thing cd in the
“The one with ‘Love Shack?”
“And ‘Roam.’ I really love that
one. ‘Deadbeat Club’ is great too. They came out with ‘Good
Stuff’ in ’92 I think it was. I just got that one a few years
ago. Don’t really care for their earlier music. I really
like their later sound and the harmonies. Let’s see….R.E.M. just
appeared on my radar a few years ago.”
“Dude, you are late.”
I chuckled, “I know.”
“Well if you had to be on an island
for a year who would you take?”
“You!” I laughed.
“Dickhead. I mean music.”
Gotta love his smile, I thought.
“Duh, I know. I'd take Ella
“Oh my gosh, yeah. I remember
one day I was listening to a music channel on satellite t.v. and a song
that she sang came on that I just had to sit down and listen to it.”
“What was it?” Scott asked.
“A song called ‘How Long Has This
Been Going On?’ That’s one that, and I’m not trying to be crass,
but that’s one of those songs that I would love to just….well….make
“Oh really?” That got his
attention. “I’ve never heard of it.”
“Oh man, the lyrics are great.
Very romantic. The orchestration is impeccable. That’s the
song that really turned me on to her in the first place. Years
ago she recorded a bunch of what the record company named ‘songbooks,’
where each songbook was basically a collection of a particular writer’s
music; like Cole Porter, or Duke Ellington. This one song was on
her Gershwin songbook. The orchestra was conducted by Nelson
Riddle who’s often associated with Sinatra.”
“Never cared for him.”
“Yeah, he was a bit of a schleppa.”
“A jerk, or not-so-nice
person.” He just looked at me. “It’s Yiddish; I like the
language.” Scott just raised his eyebrows and shook his head a
“Anyway, I listened to the Gershwin
collection and decided then and there that she was absolutely the most
talented singer of our time.”
“Yeah. Before I discovered Ella
I used to be a Streisand freak.”
“Oh really,” he said. This too
“Yeah, I grew up listening to her and
have a ton of her music. I still love her stuff and she’s up
there on my list, but Ella’s just a bit above. I remember one day
I was at my parent’s house and I told my mother that there was
something I had to share with her.”
“What, that you were gay?” He
said this smiling and I smacked him on the back of the head.
“I said ‘Mom, there’s something I
just realized. That Barbra Streisand is not the best singer in
the world, Ella Fitzgerald is.’ I tell you, she looked like she
was about to shit cement. ‘You know, I thought you were going to
tell me that you were gay,’ she said.” Scott laughed quite a bit
“She thought the same thing,” he said.
“So I take it that you love
music. Well, I guess that’s a stupid question” he said.
“Why do you say that?”
“I remember that you were in a couple
of musicals at school.”
“That’s true. But you weren’t
there our junior year, were you?”
“No. I went to live with an
uncle.” As he said this he averted his eyes towards the cameraman.
“Ahh. Got it.” I figured
it had something to do with his step-dad. “Dude,” I said to the
guy with the camera, “you’d better pay some attention to the sidewalks
here too, before you bust your ass again.” The guy paused and
looked around him some and then focused back on us. “So how’d you
end up coming back in our senior year?”
“My uncle moved here. I still
had some friends from school and wanted to graduate with
everyone. I actually saw ‘L’il Abner,’” he said.
“Cool. What’d you think?”
“I seem to remember enjoying it,” he
“Asshole.” Scott laughed at
“Actually what I remember the most is
when the power went out.”
“Oh God, I remember that.” What
he was talking about happened during Saturday night’s
performance. Just into the second act of the show, as one of my
scenes with Daisy Mae was supposed to start, the stage lights wouldn’t
come up. It took a moment or two and we thought it was a problem
with the guy who did the lighting. After the lights finally came
up I came out on stage and said, ‘what a lovely day’ under my
breath. It turned out that the whole audience heard me and
started laughing. I looked over at the boys in the band and they
were laughing their asses off. It was one of those times that you
weren’t supposed to laugh (like when the old lady in front of you at
church passes gas) but I couldn’t control myself. I was standing
there looking down at the floor chuckling, my body shaking as I tried
not to laugh out loud. Poor Daisy Mae was standing there with
this big smile on her face, laughing through her teeth.
As it turned out there was a car
accident nearby that knocked out a transformer. A little while
later during the performance the power went completely out and we just
hung out on stage for a while. Finally I went around to the front
of the building and passed a bathroom and I heard this little boy
crying for help. I went in and it was pitch black, picked up the
boy and carried him into the back of the auditorium where he pointed
out where his daddy was sitting. I sat him down and went back
around to the stage.
“I also remember when you carried
that boy to his seat. He said something to his dad about being in
the bathroom when the lights went out. Seemed really scared.”
“Yeah,” I said. “Poor
kid. It was darker than a black cat in a coal mine in there.”
“I’ll admit that I was impressed,”
“What, with my stellar singing,” I
said with a big Cheshire Cat grin.
“No, idiot, that you, sort of,
rescued that kid.”
“Hell, it wasn’t anything that anyone
else wouldn’t have done.”
“Maybe,” Scott said, “but that was
when I felt some respect for you, even though I didn't really know you.”
“Huh. Well, it was just luck
that I happened along.”
“So I guess if you were on an island,
other than having me with you,” he looked over at me and smiled.
“Dick,” I said.
“You’d have to have your tunes with
“Yep. I think that music’s in
my soul. I think if I ever went deaf the worst thing to cope with
would be not being able to hear music.”
“And Ella Fitzgerald.”
“And Ella Fitzgerald,” I
repeated. “Dude, I don’t know about you but I’m ready to get a
“Hmmmm.” He had this curious
look on his face.
“Scott, you know that question you
asked me earlier that I didn’t answer?”
“Yes I do,” he said.
“Keep making comments and sounds like
that and I’ll be asking you the same question soon enough.”
Scott burst out laughing at
this. “You don’t have to worry about that,” he said.
“Why would I worry about it,
“Oh man,” he said sighing.
“Want to jog the rest of the way?”
“If the cameraman can keep up,” I
said. We started jogging and this time we saw the car that the
cameraman came in picked him up and they followed us as we made our way
back to the studio.
When we got back to the apartment
everyone was in the kitchen except for Tracy and Samantha. They
were still in bed.
“Where’d you two hotties go?”
“We went and had great man-sex in
Piedmont Park,” I said, out of breath.
“Cute. Is that why you’re
panting so hard?”
“No,” I turned to look toward my ass
and said “I was hoping that running would help the gerbil fall out of
Deanna died laughing. “You are
really a sick man.”
“You got it, ho.”
“Hey, I’m not a ho.”
“How’s that nasty women’s
disease?” She threw an orange at me, missed and hit Scott.
“Oof. Hey there, ho, watch
it. I might have to sick Logan on you.”
“Atta boy!” I said in my goofy
voice. Or at least one of them.
“Seriously,” Freddie said.
“Where’d y’all go?”
“We started to go for a jog to the
park but Logan wimped out on me and we walked instead.”
“Yes, but after you gave me a
passionate kiss in the hallway.” At this, Freddie spit out his
drink. “We are the messiest bunch of fuckers,” I said laughing,
referring to us spitting out our drinks.
Deanna said, “He kissed you?”
Her eyes were totally bugged out. Honey, time to hit the Zoloft.
“Well, it was more like this,” and I
grabbed Scott, reached my hand around his hand to cover his mouth and
gave him the same kind of fake kiss that he gave to me.
“Oh my God,” said Charlie.
Scott pulled away laughing.
“You two are some sick bitches, you
know that?” Deanna said.
“It was his idea!” I said with mock
“Oh, I just thought I’d give the
camera guy a show,” Scott replied.
“Yeah, I think he had a tent in his
panties when you pulled off of me.”
“You mean when you pushed me away,”
“I didn’t push you away, ding
dong.” Oh shit, there I go again.
“So,” Deanna said, “you enjoyed it.”
“Alright now. Quit jumping to
conclusions. He pulled away before I could do anything first,” I
“Really, Mike? You wanted to do
more?” He had this evil grin on his face.
I reached up and smacked him on the
back of his head again. “Asshole,” I said.
“Aww, lover’s quarrel,” Deanna said.
“Ugg!” I rolled my eyes. “I
give up. I’m hitting the shower,” I said walking towards the
bedroom. “And no, you can’t join me Scott. I’ve already
told you that this morning.” His face reddened a bit at
this. Everyone looked over at him.
He looked over at them, smiled and
said, “I was hoping to toss his salad but I told him that I’d have to
bathe him first.”
“Ok!,” said Freddie and Charlie in a
“That’s enough for this ol’ boy,”
Scott laughed as I headed to the
bathroom to take my shower. “It’s ok,” he said. “Actually,
we haven’t been able to decide who’ll top and who-“
“Stop! Stop!” said
Freddie. Scott kept laughing. What a nutcase.
I think it was either Jessica or
Deanna that brought up going out for drinks that night. I was
“Where should we go?” Samantha
“Starbucks!” I said. “You know
they’re constantly building those goddamned things all over the
place. In fact, I think they just built one up my ass a minute
ago,” I said looking around.
Everyone laughed at that.
“Hey I know!” Deanna said. “I
heard of this bar over on Cypress called Rhett’s.” As she said
this she looked over at me. “It’s supposed to be pretty
fun. You ever been there Mike?”
Rhett’s is one of the gay bars that
I'd frequented. Yes I’d been there. It was actually a
really nice place that wasn’t a “themed” gay joint. Some places
were country/western, others preppy, some leather, but Rhett’s wasn’t
set up like that. Most of the guys that hung out there were just
average Joe’s who really liked penis. “Yeah, and from what I
understand the glory holes have even been sanded smooth so the skin on
your pecker won’t get chaffed.” Again, my dry humor.
Freddie asked, “What’s a glory hole?”
I snickered and said, “Freddie, pal,
you really gotta leave Vidalia.”
He looked around at everyone with a
curious look on his face. “I still don’t know what one is.”
“Well, they’re normally found in gay
bars,” Deanna said.
“Shit, there was one in the bathroom
at Tech,” Charlie said.
“Freddie,” I explained, “a glory hole
is a hole in the wall between stalls so you plop your cock in it and
offer it to be sucked by an anonymous mouth.”
“Why would anyone want to do that?”
“I guess ‘cause some people like
throat yogurt,” I said.
“Oh Christ!” Deanna said.
Everyone else laughed in a grossed-out sort of way.
“So, how do you know about this
place?” Scott asked with one eyebrow raised.
“I already told you I have few gay
friends. And a drink’s a drink so what do I care where I
go.” Plus all of the cameras are still rolling, I’m still in the
closet, yada, yada, yada. Gotta try to cover this somehow.
“How about the glory hole?” said
Deanna with a shit-eatin’ grin.
“Fuck you and that nasty women’s disease you
surely have by now.” She burst out laughing.
“Actually I heard that they do
karaoke on Saturday nights,” she said.
“Hadn’t been there that often,” I
said. Mikey, you’re a fuckin’ liar. “Couldn’t tell ya.”
Samantha asked, “Why’d you pick a gay
Deanna put her hand on the side of my
face and said, “Oh, I thought that Mike’d be comfortable there.”
“Screw you” I said. I don’t
mind joking about gay shit, but I wasn’t exactly out, as you already
know. I wasn’t sure why she kept saying crap like that.
“Why you gotta bust his balls?” Scott
“Oh, I’m just teasing him.”
“Whatever,” Scott said. “So are
we going to Rhett’s? I’m game. Maybe if we’re lucky we can
get Logan to sing a song for us.”
Oh, fucking great. I hadn’t
sang in public in a while. That would take a bit of whiskey
muscle. A few people hemmed and hawed but we all decided to go
there and headed to our rooms to get ready. As we were going into
our room Scott put his hand on my shoulder.
“Are you okay with this?” he asked
with mock concern.
I smiled, tilted my head, and reached
to smack him on the back of the head. He knew what was coming and
grabbed my forearm. “Gotcha!” he said. I just rolled my
eyes at him. He went into the bedroom before me and I looked
across the apartment to see Deanna watching us.
“You two make a cute couple,” she
said winking. She turned to go into her room.
“Hold up a sec,” I said walking over
to her. She turned back to me and smiled. “What?” she asked.
“Can I talk to you for a second?” I
“Uh-oh,” she said with mock
fear. “I’m in trouble.”
“After you,” I said pointing to the
Once we got upstairs we went out onto
the open deck that was just outside the hot tub. The view was
great and it overlooked Ponce, but the view isn’t what I was wanting to
“Did I do something to piss you off?”
“I mean what is it with you and all
the gay-erotica comments?”
“Look, I don’t have a problem with
“With what?” I said getting irritated.
“You're being gay.”
I snickered at that. “Excuse
“It’s alright, you know. We all
knew there were rumors in school.”
I wasn’t ready for this. “There
were also rumors about you, my dear.”
“Oh yeah, that I had two
abortions. Whatever,” she said.
“Loo, I could care less if it’s true
or not, but you don’t hear me making jokes about it do you.” I told her.
She stood and looked at me.
“So why are you busting my balls?”
“Mike, it’s so damn obvious you got
the hots for Scott.”
I didn’t deny it. Instead I
said, “What the fuck would make you think that,” I stated.
“Hello! Last night after you’d
had a bit to drink you couldn’t take your eyes off of him.”
“Well, I probably drank too much.”
“Plus, just then when I brought it up
you didn’t deny having the hots for him. Look, it really is cool
with me. Unfortunately for me I think that y’all both pray at the
same church,” she said.
“I’m saying I think he’s gay too.”
“What’s this gay shit?” I mean
come on, I knew my parent’s would eventually be watching this.
What would they think.
“Come on, who’d you date in high
“Who’d date me?” I answered her
question with a question.
“You were cute!”
“Please, no nerd is cute,” I told her.
“Ok,” she continued, “did you have
more girl friends or guy friends?”
“Girl. But that’s because I
wasn’t always trying to get into their skirts.” I said, and she
raised her eyebrows at this.
“Were you in sports?”
“Who’s your favorite singer?”
“Who was it then?”
“There ya go,” she said.
I laughed out loud. “You’re
such a meshugine.” (Pronounced muh-shug-i-nuh).
“A what?” she asked.
“A meshugine. A crazy
person. But hey, you’ve discovered the ingredients to a gay
man. At least now I know that you’re smarter than a sack of
hair,” I said sarcastically.
“Why don’t you just come out and
admit it?” This time she was taunting me with her smile.
“You know” I was getting’ pissed “and
what the fuck does it matter to you?” I demanded. “If I am gay,
isn’t it up to me to live my own life?”
“Look,” she said, “my brother’s gay
and he went years without having a lover or a partner or
anything. He was so lonely for so long.”
“Oh, and you’ve got gaydar too, I
suppose.” I said, calming down a bit.
She smiled. “Yeah. I do.”
I said, “Crazy bitch” to which she
snickered. I leaned onto the railing of the deck and looked out
onto the city, my chin in my palm. She was right, you know.
I was lonely. I wanted someone to share my life with. At
least someone to love me back. I’d never had that, in a boyfriend
sort of way. God, and then there’s my parents. How am I
going to tell them, I thought. I sat there for an eternity.
Then I made up my mind and a partial weight was lifted off of my
“What’cha thinkin’” Deanna asked.
I sighed. “I know what to do,
but at the same time I haven’t a clue.”
“What do you mean?” she said more
compassionately than she had been.
“I….I just don’t fuckin’ know.”
“It’s a big step,” she said and the
tears just came from nowhere and rolled down my cheeks. Deanna
put her hand on my arm. Beneath all her piss and vinegar she was
really a great chick. And while I was so damned afraid of what my
parents would think, shit on a stick, after they’re dead and gone I’ll
be too old to find someone to spend my life with.
“I mean,” I said, “I’m a nice
guy. I work hard, I’m good to people. I should…..”
“You should what?”
And then all of a sudden it
clicked. Just like back in the tenth grade when I saw everyone
else having a blast in school and I decided that hey I had to join life
and live it. God gave me life and I was wasting it. Sure I
was nervous at the thought of telling my folks but what’s the worst
that could happen? Nothing that I couldn’t handle if I got the
worst reaction. At least over time.
“I need to call my parents” I said,
looking her in the eye.
“Yeah!” she started jumping up and
down and hugging me.
“Dammit you crazy thing! What
are you so happy for.” I said, trying to be grumpy when I was
really happy for the first time, deep down inside.
“Because we can finally get going to
the bar,” she had this shit-eating grin.
I gave her a hug. “You really
are a douche bag, you know.”
“I know. So about Scott…..” she
wanted to know.
“I’m going insane!”
“About what, Logan?” I turned
as he was closing the door to the deck. I knew he hadn’t heard
“About you!” I said, then I looked at
Deanna and winked. “Actually Scott, I’m not trying to be a dick,
but I’m in the middle of something…..”
He looked a bit confused.
Deanna said, “No honey, not that kind
Scott looked between us and shook his
head. “Y’all are damned exasperating people!”
We looked at each other and laughed
as he stepped back inside. “How insane?” she wanted to know.
“Oh my God. I mean, something
clicked when we met, and I know that he thinks something did with us as
well, because he practically told me, but I don’t think it’s what
clicked with me” I rattled at a mile a minute.
“Shut. Up,” She said laughing.
“We’re gonna have to turn the hose on you!”
I felt like a giddy little
girl. In fact I think I started to grow boobies at that
point. I could finally talk about my feelings for a guy to a
person who wasn’t gay. Y’all know what that’s like. To be
unashamed of who you are, to just be a man who happens to be gay.
I was like a kid in a candy store.
“Slow down” she said.
“I remember thinking he was really
cute in school, and I’ve met him here, really for the first time, and
he’s just so fuckin’ nice and friendly, and he can talk serious or make
“Gay,” she said.
“Huh?” I asked.
“He’s gotta be gay.”
“I wish. But if he is, he’s not
making it obvious, so I wouldn’t push him,” I said. “Trust me, I
know what that’s like to want to stay in the closet.”
“But how’re you gonna get him in the
I busted out laughing. “Crazy
damned thing. I’m not into the hookup thing.”
“I didn’t say that you were.”
“Dee, we just met yesterday,” now the
sensible side was rearing it’s head. “How do I know that he’s
just as great outside this studio? He could be a
sociopath?” Ok, now I was getting fuckin’ ridiculous.
“Stupid ass,” she said, recognizing
that I was getting fuckin’ ridiculous.
“Seriously, though, I don’t want to
waste time. I want to get to know a guy before I set up
house.” I’d seen too many relationships break up that way.
So many guys way too eager to get their poop chutes stretched and
they’ll stay with a son of a bitch for years. Morons.
“You’re kinda old-fashioned, aren’t
you.” It was more of a statement than a question.
I thought about it for a
minute. “Well, it worked for the Cleavers!” I said smiling.
“Yeah, but June Cleaver didn’t have a
penis!” she grinned.
I let out a belly laugh. “Well,
she could have been a trannie.” We both got a good laugh at that.
“I’ll tell you what,” I said.
“Scott’s a gorgeous guy. A real man’s man.”
“Uh-huh” she agreed.
“And he really is nice, too.
I’ll just have to play it by ear. Shit!”
“What?” she asked.
“Well, I’m talking about him as
though I have a chance. See honey, it’s a little harder if you
don’t know which side a man’s bread is buttered on,” I told her.
“Trust me, honey, he’s got it for you
“Whatever.” I doubted this was
“Look how much he makes gay jokes
“Gee, I missed that in your
ingredients of a gay man,” I told her, grinning.
“Smart ass. It’s just a feeling
“Dee, I could never be that lucky.”
“We’ll see. What are you gonna
do now?” she wanted to know.
I looked towards the door.
“There’s a phone call I have to make.” I took a breath, crossed
over to the door, opened it and went through. I went back
downstairs to the little phone booth room that someone had
discovered. It was tucked over near the guys’ room and I went in
and passed Scott on the way.
“Hey man, is everything ok?” he asked.
“I hope so.” He looked at me
kinda funny. “I just really need to call my parents.”
I went into the cubby and closed the
door. I was sure that the phone conversation would be taped, but
what was I going to do. Their number rang four or five times
before my mother picked up. “Hello?” she said.
“Hey there Ma.”
“Michael! I thought you were
going to be on that t.v. show thing?” Mom liked to call me
Michael. I didn’t like it but couldn’t exactly tell her to piss
off. She’s my mom for cryin’ out loud.
“Well I am. Say, is Dad there
“Well he’s right here, hold on.
Is everything ok?” she asked.
“I need to talk to the both of ya.”
“Ok, let me get him.” I could
hear her holler to my dad in the background. It took a second and
then he finally picked up the phone. “Hello?”
“Hi Dad, how’s it goin’?”
“Heya Mikey,” okay, so my Dad was the
one person who called me Mikey from time to time. “I thought you
were going to be on that show thing?” Jesus. Two peas in a
“Y’all, I’m on it right now.”
“How are things going?” they both
“Ok. Y’all, I really need to tell you
something important.” I was blazing through this faster than I
probably should have but I was really nervous. “I’m not exactly
sure how to tell you this…”
“Is everything ok, son?” my dad
asked. I paused for a minute trying to catch my breath.
“If I don’t tell you now I don’t know
how I ever will, and I’m sorry for doing it on a t.v. show, because it
isn’t very private, but I’ve met someone and I got to thinking….”
“Honey, are you there?” from my mom.
“Yeah.” God I needed a drink of
water. “First, remember all those times that you told me that
you’d love me no matter what?”
“Oh no, Kim,” my dad said.
“He’s gone and committed murder.”
“Troy, will you stop that!
Can’t you tell the boy’s nervous?”
Dad laughed a bit. “I’m sorry
son. Go ahead.”
“You didn’t kill anyone did you,” my
mom asked. This time they both laughed. Ugg.
“Not quite. Um. I
don’t know how to say this, so I’ll just say it. Mom, Dad, you
won’t be getting grandkids from me.” Oh shit. Mentally I
rolled my eyes back in my head. Where the frig did that come from?
“Excuse me?” mom asked.
“Ugg. Y’all. That didn’t come
out right. What I’m trying to say is…” here goes “I won’t be
having children because…” dammit Logan, just say it! “I’m gay.”
There I said it! I held my breath as there was complete silence
on the phone. “Dammit, did the line go dead?” I asked holding the
phone and looking at it.
“We’re still here.”
I was incredulous. “I just
dropped that bomb and y’all don’t say anything?” Tears welled up
in my eyes.
“Michael,” my Mom said, “we’ve always
I couldn’t believe my ears.
“Mike, well, we should say that we
had suspected that you were. Or are.”
“Huh? Why didn’t you tell
me?” I asked.
“Well son,” dad said chuckling, “we
figured you already knew.”
“Troy! Stop it!”
“Sorry Kim,” Dad said.
“And y’all don’t mind?”
“Oh, good Lord no! You’re our
son and we love you.”
“I was so damned afraid you’d…. I
don’t know, disown me.”
“Have you killed anyone?” Dad said.
“Alright then. Look Mike,
you’re my son and I love you. That’s about all there is to it.”
I couldn’t believe my ears. But
I didn’t get the “suspected” thing that they had mentioned.
“What did you mean by ‘suspected’,” I
“Well,” dad said, “you never really
dated in school-“
“-plus most of your friends were
girls-“ Mom interrupted.
“You didn’t do sports-“ Dad went on.
“-and you loved Barbra Streisand!”
Christ on a bicycle! Mom and
Dad gave me the same list as Deanna. I shook my head and
laughed. “You know,” I said, “I’ve heard this before.”
“Oh?” my mom said.
“Well, I just wanted to let you know
because I met someone here in the studio that seems like a really nice
guy, and I didn’t want you watching this on television in a few months
and see me drool all over the guy. Y’all have no idea what kind
of burden has been lifted from me.” I told them.
“We understand, honey. But
please, you know you can always talk to us. About anything,” Mom
“Hey Mikey, you’re not gonna become
one of those flamer types, are ya?”
“Troy!!!” Mom hollered.
Dad and I both busted out laughing. I knew he was kidding because
he’s where I got a good bit of my sense of humor from.
“It’s ok Mom. He’s just being a
goofball.” Ok, now the entire world felt different to me. I
honest to God felt like a whole new man. It’s
indescribable. We talked a little bit longer before Charlie
started knocking on the door to the booth.
“Y’all I gotta go now. I love
“We love you too, son,” they said in
unison. Then Dad said to my mom “Jinks, you owe me a Coke.”
“Troy, you’re the biggest dork
sometimes. Bye Mike. Have fun. We’ll talk to you
“Bye y’all!” I hung up the
phone and left the booth. Scott was standing at the island fixing
a glass of water.
“Everything ok?” he asked.
As I walked by I smacked him on the
ass. “It is now!” I was referring to the phone call with my
He turned towards me, smiling, and
said, “I can tighten up the cheeks if you want to do that again” with a
With a big grin I started walking
towards him. Everyone was down there except Deanna and all eyes
were on us. As I headed towards him he took off around the
island. “Just kidding, just kidding!”
“Crazy ass!” I said laughing. I
went to go back upstairs to find Deanna and tell her the good
news. I turned back and caught Scott’s eye. I winked at him
and said “woof!” He about choked on his water but at least he
didn’t spit it out. I laughed and continued up the stairs.
I went out onto the deck where Deanna was standing.
“You waitin’ fo’ me, Miss Scahlett,”
I said using my best southern drawl.
“Rhett, Rhett, how could you leave me
like that?” she said, taking my lead.
“Ah had mor’ important bizness to
attend to. Ah had to go fuck a man in tha ass!”
“Oh, shit!” she laughed. “Not
what I wanted to hear!”
“Well, I called ‘em,” I told her.
After I didn’t say anything she said,
I grabbed her up in a big hug.
“They still like me! The really like me!” Thanks Sally
“Really they took it that well?”
“Oh my God,” I said. “I
couldn’t have asked for it to go better.”
“For what to go better?” Scott
was there at the doorway. Oye!
Deanna winked at me and said to him,
“Mikey here just came out of the closet to his parents. He told
them he likes playing the skin flute!”
Now Scott, who was standing there
taking a sip of his water, blew it out all over Deanna and I and choked
“It’s ok Scottie, Deanna’s forgotten
to take her Zoloft today. She’s still busting my balls from
earlier this afternoon. Y’all coming?” I asked, leaving the deck
and going back inside. On a second thought as I walked by Scott I
smacked his ass again. “Much tighter baby!” I said.
“I was hoping you’d do that again,”
he said with a smile. Perfect teeth! Fucker!
I shook my head laughing as we all
went downstairs, followed by several cameramen, and headed over to
* * *
* * *
* * *
Alright guys, lemme have it!
I know some of y’all are waiting for
the hot and heavy sex, but it hadn’t happened yet, so hold onto your
As usual, let me know your opinions.