Date: Tue, 20 Nov 2018 22:05:35 -0800
From: Gene Caouette <gene.caouette@yahoo.com>
Subject: Trip to Roscoe's

Do you remember when you took me to Roscoe's? In Long Beach. You bought
that old scale thing afterwards. Also the day I first interviewed for the
job I got out here. Over the phone after you bought that scale thing.

We were supposed to go at noon. But like always, you texted me and said
more like 1:30. Your husband needed his ass wiped or something I think. I
think it was close to noon when you texted me too. I remember being so
bothered by it. Not upset or annoyed or angry. Just bothered. Felt off. The
frequency at which you were last minute texting "I'm running late and
such". But also cause we had already discussed since the last time we saw
each other that I had something I wanted to talk to you about. I was
nervous and it confirmed more of what I knew. So I got bothered and went
for a drive.

I was still going crazy from the last time we saw each other. It was when
you took me with you to check out potential warehouses, the one you ended
up leasing and the hippie one with the hippie woman who said it would
become the next farmers market and you guys could even sell right out of
the garage door, how she was even talking to a potential vendor to sell
organic shit and someone to grow weed. The whole shabang she was saying. I
wish I could just go back and tell her to shut up.

When we were finally done, I got in the car and you stayed outside to call
your husband. But your phone was connected to the car so when he answered,
it came through and I froze. I knew he was your "ex" and knew not to make
my presence known. Stayed silent as he said your name three times. You got
in the car eventually and talked to him through the Bluetooth even. I
stayed silent the whole time. I even remember starting to panic I would
have to sneeze. None of which bothered me really. I was like fuck him,
you're mine now. But then you took him off speaker, said a few more things,
and then hung up. But right before you hung up, you said I love you. Only
you hid it in the "iluhyuh" mumble, even barely uttered it. So naturally he
called right back to for the real version but you sent him to voicemail
instead. I remember the exact feeling I felt in that exact moment the
"iluhyuh" mumble you barely event uttered broke our bubble.

I wasn't necessarily surprised. I knew you were too good to be true. But I
was bothered by it. Pretty badly too. But what really bothers me is the
fact that I sucked your dick after. Cause you wouldn't take no for an
answer and I refused to give you ass so you guided me to the couch where I
just fell to my knees and made you finish with a bj for the first fucking
time. I was all proud I finally did it and even though "iluhyuh" was still
ringing in my ears, I was glad I did it.

But back to the text saying you'd be late. I got in my car and went for a
drive. You ended up not being so long and texted me on your way much
earlier than I thought. Oh and said be naked too. But I got home and stayed
fully dressed. You knew we needed to talk so I felt it was fine. You showed
up and immediately I could tell you knew something was off. Perhaps
"iluhyuh" was still ringing in yours too? You even said I feel you don't
want me here and brought up how I wasn't even naked and how you were
bothered that I went for a ride when I knew you were coming. I said oh no,
you're fine.

And we fucked.

Then you took me to Roscoe's and errands. Our usual date: fuck, me follow
you to work, get food when wanted and provide ass when asked.

You asked at lunch if I wanted to talk about what it was I had to talk
about but having just been dicked down, I wanted to live in euphoria a
little bit longer so I said it can wait until we got back. I decided we
were done after the talk cause why would I ever stay knowing what I knew in
that moment. So we hung out for the rest of the day and you even came back
and hung out with me on my patio where I finally got the courage to ask if
you said I love you to him. You said yes, but just to keep the peace. Maybe
true but knowing even more of what I know now, I'd say not. Said it was
100% over, that you would never have sex with him again, blah blah
blah. You even threw out he helped me buy the bed as an excuse for why you
still shared one. And my dumb, pathetic, blindly, madly, and happily in
love ass said okay.

I stayed. Even weeks after, when you said it was more complicated with
him. We were at that park you always took me to for big talks and I asked
you if you wanted me to wait. You said you did. And I said I would.

And I still do.

But fuck, I wish I didn't.

I wish I didn't get naked and take it when you got there that day. I wish I
said it's over. I really do. Now it's too late.

But the point is I knew then, before you even told me. I knew I would get
my heart broken. I knew it would become toxic. And I knew you would never
be mine. But I told myself I was wrong instead.

Then bent over and begged for it.

Now ain't that some shit.