It is early morning around 8.00 am and he was still on his bed. He heard the mobile phone ringing. The phone was kept in silent mode, but a feeble sound of vibration could be felt. He barely received any calls other than from his parents.

'It would be my father calling up to check whether I woke up', he assumed.

His father would call and say, 'Unni, is it the time for you to wake up? when I was your age I used to be at the office by this time'.

He was 32, but his parents still address him by his nickname 'Unni', rather than his official name Manoj. He kept the phone away from him, underneath a pillow.

He wanted to start the day with something better. He curled himself up to wrap his entire body underneath the blanket. All he could do was to imagine something beautiful. When he closed his eyes he could see a man splashing water on the face near wash basin. The man suddenly rises up his body to reveal his face reflecting from the mirror. It was Anoop, his last boyfriend. Anoop slowly turned his head backwards at him and smiled.

He opened his eyes and stopped his thoughts for moment. It was more than two years since he stopped seeing Anoop and dating other men. But the image of his once boyfriend, he saw almost 10 years back was still fresh. Anoop was endowed with more flesh in the bottom half of the body than upper part. He had hairy body with strong torso and thin waist line. Farther down his body it got better, with buttocks bulging rearwards and legs like sculpture. It was more enjoyable to watch his naked body from behind.

Manoj woke up to get ready for the job. His mind was stirred up and the thought of another day at office was sickening. He was looking for some excuses not to go to office when he found himself to be late to report office. It was a good reason to convince himself to avail leave. He removed his office dress and after having some fruits as breakfast he switched on his laptop. Lately it has become a habit to check daily news updates in the Internet and post comments. But today he had plenty of time even after all that.

Before the routine things started getting bored, he logged in to the gay dating site 'planetromeo', to check some local men around his area in the city of Chennai. There were hundreds of men online in the site and in each minute many new guys were popping up around his area. He shared his pictures and contact number with some of them. Since he was expecting calls he took up his mobile to find 2 missed calls registered from a number without name.

'Perhaps it was not saved under contacts' he thought, so he called back to check who it was.

'Hello o, where are you?' a breaking voice enquired. It was familiar to him.

'Chennai. Why? is this Saleesh?', Manoj asked.

'Um, I bet you are in Kerala now.' the voice said.

Manoj got irritated and dropped the call. Saleesh used to live in his neighbourhood in Kerala and they had a sexual relation which went on till Manoj met Anoop.

Manoj looked himself in the mirror. He squeezed his chest to find it fleshier than it used be. He pulled in his tummy, turned to see his half nude body. There were still some hints of a once perfect figure.



It was back in 1990s. Manoj used to live with his mother, sister and grandmother in a small town in Kerala. His father had job abroad. His family owned an individual house with a compound and walls around. He had few friends around other than his school friends. Apparently very few kids around his home joinedhis school which was far. He was one of the tallest among his friends. He assumed himself to be dark and skinny. All the girls looked equal to him. On the other hand, some boys looked more attractive than the others. He was fascinated that a man's private part gets bigger when touched and gush out milk when shaken. It was fun to grab man penis when there was an opportunity.

Saleesh lived nearby around 10 blocks away from his home, but they never talked. Once inside the theatre they sat next to each other and in the darkness it happened. Manoj got hold of one of the thickest manhood ever in his hand and caressed until his hands got wet and sticky. After a few weeks, Saleesh invited him to his home to show his cable TV and watch TV channels other than Doordarshan (The GOVT sponsored channel). Manoj was watching TV sitting on a chair while Saleesh sat on a cot beside the chair wearing only a 'mundu' (dhoti). Manoj could see Saleesh looking at him and stroking something underneath his 'mundu' with his hand. But he pretended to watch the TV. After a while Saleesh went out to another room and asked whether he need anything to drink. Before Manoj said anything, Saleesh suddenly came to TV room lifted up his 'mundu'. Manoj could see a muscular man standing in front of him with a big dick near his mouth. Saleesh said ,'drink it'. It was his first time and was fearful about privacy, still Manoj tasted it. Saleesh assured him that nobody was around and took him to the bathroom. Manoj removed his pants and stood facing the wall. Saleesh thrusted his dick in between the legs and ejaculated. Saleesh said 'you have super structured body'.

Manoj felt more confident being attracted by a man. But he was hesitant to show much friendship since he thought Saleesh was 3-5 years elder. It was thetime when many internet cafes popped up around his town. He learned from internet that he belongs to what is globally called as 'homosexual' or 'gay' community. He learned how a man do sex with other man. He desperately wanted sex but did know how to approach another man. He would gaze at mans penis in public toilets to show his interest. No one reciprocated his gestures, and once a police man caught him up. Luckily he was freed after a few minutes of questioning. He nevertheless stopped his pursuit which some thought to be pervert. He wanted to meet Saleesh again. But there was no private place to arrange a meet up, even if he was alone at home at morning time, it was difficult to communicate. He cannot send letter or call the phone where Saleesh live with his parents. They have to wait long to arrange a meet up.

Incidently Manoj got a private place once and invited Saleesh to join. They immediately undressed, passionately kissed all over. Saleesh was surprised to see Manoj licking and sucking his entire body so passionately. There was more fire than with a girl. He asked Manoj to lie on his back and keep his thigh tight so that he can thrust in between the legs. He kissed his lips and grabbed his chest like he would grab a breast. Saleesh was hard biting his nipples and slowly pushing his dick between the legs. Then, 'Shall i fuck you?' he asked. Manoj agreed and spread his legs. Saleesh sat and tried to push the dick in to his ass. There was no success, so he kept a pillow under his ass. He applied saliva and loosened up. In the moment Manoj spread his legs and lifted up his ass, he made his first entry. It was moments of animal like passion until climax.

Saleesh felt like a victor. Manoj felt pleasure and pain at the same time. He felt pain around his nipples and anus for few more days. It was hard for him to forget though. He would lie on his bed and imagine Saleesh lying on him, crushing his body. Later Manoj left his home for college. He was far from home and meeting with Saleesh became infrequent. He was lonely again and the only solace he found around was internet, where he could chat in Yahoo public rooms and watch porn. He found many men like him in the Internet but few around him were alike. There were few means of entertaining himself in his hostel as put a tough and decent face. Oncehe happened to watch the movie 'Basic Instinct' and its opening love making scene. He wanted sex to be under his control.

Months later he got the chance when he saw Saleesh passing by his home. There was no one else at home, so he called Saleesh. They had a chit chat and in between Saleesh suggested that he was doubtful whether his entire length of cock went inside ass. Manoj was wearing only 'mundu' and 'T shirt' with no underwear. He invited him to the bedroom. In one stroke he stripped Saleesh of his shirt and pants and pushed to bed. Saleesh was excited to push his dick full in to his mouth. His dick got harder when Manoj applied oil on for better lubrication. But Saleesh was not expecting what happened next. Manoj was charged full and wanted to 'fuck'. He has been lubricating his ass for anal fuck for a while. He was mesmerised by the authority of Sharon stone in ' Basic instict' while doing woman on top position. He took initiative for the smooth entry and made sure that his man leaves no doubt whether he made a full entry. Saleesh could feel his foreskin slipping back through a tight entry and the small pain of it. He felt more rush of blood in to the place which he own. Manoj felt pain forsome moments but he did not moan nor had facial expression. In the few seconds when his anal muscles relieved he lifted himself up a bit and settled down again. Now literally Saleesh had his dick plugged in to Manoj's ass. Manoj was brave and made a lap dance of the sorts. After a 20-30 sit-up and down, almost after 10 minutes they unplugged, while it was still hard. Saleesh shagged on Manoj's chest afterwards. He felt happy to have made his deep entry. Manoj was relieved to make things happen as he wanted.

Manoj became more aggressive each time they met. Saleesh started enjoying his voracious kissing and licking. What else to do other than to enjoy? Therewas no part on his body left unexplored. His underarms, chest, anal cleavage and every inch of body were massaged by the tongue and saliva. His dick was savoured a like delicacy. It grew bigger and went deeper in to Manoj's mouth. It tested the breadth and depth of Manoj's ass once more when they met in a godown

After college, Manoj got a job and moved near to his hometown. It again became easier for the two meet, as he got a rented room away from home. They had plenty of sex, but hardly talked. There had been lack of privacy earlier, but now situation changed. Manoj was annoyed to play the submissive role often. Saleesh would come to his room uninformed, get himself undressed and start sex. His attempts to talk with Saleesh always ended in 'sextalk'. He started hating things once he used to enjoy. The more he listened to Saleesh the more he disliked him. Saleesh revealed the intention to get in to monogamous relation after the marriage. He said that until then, 'You are my girl'. He slowly distanced himself from Saleesh.

Manoj found many gay guys around. He would search the dating site `guys4men' and yahoo public rooms and hook up. He slowly changed his role from submissive to versatile and took a ' give and take' stand in sex. He had no lack of sex, but was unsatisfied. He wanted to start afresh to find love and relationship. Saleesh was more attracted to ancient Indian practice of holding semen to attain more power. He would practice Yoga and pranayama for weeks until he reach breaking point. Then he would ring up Manoj and talk about the intense sex they had. Both of them would masturbate while having the talk.

Manoj met Anoop after some months. Anoop was shorter and fattier than Manoj. They were of the same age, but looked different. Anoop looked mature with mush, facial and body hair. Manoj was smooth and more tanned. But he had his charm and his downright honesty attracted Anoop at the first time they met in a public park. Anoop lied that his name was 'Shyam' and he worked in a theme park, which was near to where Manoj used live. Manoj invited Anoop to his room the next day. The next day, Anoop came to his room with flowers said 'I love you'. Manoj was surprised but did not respond. He was eager to see what was beneath this matured man's dress. Anoop had manly body with hair covering his body and as he undressed his most beautiful asset was revealed. It was his bubbly, bulging buttock with nice patch of hair in the cleavage. Manoj found very hard to contain his urges .Plunging his face in to the ass he started licking, making Anoop to moan in pleasure. Manoj wanted to try fucking and he asked permission to enter. Anoop agreed. Anoop laid on the bed in his most inviting pose ever, with his ass lifted up while turning his face backwards to smile at Manoj. It needed only 2 or 3 push for the entry and then the two bodies were together like a single one. Manoj kissed Anoop on lips. He felt his dick utmost erect and strong inside his tight ass. He felt slight pain when the foreskin in his penis pulled back. But he continued to thrust in to Anoop till he ejaculated in to him. He said to Anoop in his ears ' I love you too'.

Manoj stopped picking up Saleesh's calls afterwards. Once when Saleesh appeared at his door uninformed he threw him out immediately. They had no sex afterwards. Saleesh would still ring him up once in a while to talk. He would say how smooth, toned and sexy his body is. Manoj felt nice when Saleesh praised his body. He nevertheless avoided talks to advance in to a 'sex-talk'.



Manoj kept looking at himself closely on the mirror. He still looked younger than he is, perhaps because of no facial hair and a healthy skin. He saw more grey hairs on the sides of his head. His eyes looked droopy and lifeless. It was clean and sparkling when he was with Anoop.'Why did I leave him?' Manoj asked himself. He did not know. All he knew was Anoop has a family and a kid now. He left Kerala 2 year back and is working at Chennai.

It is winter time in Chennai and night time would be cool. But the day time is hot and traffic is slow. Manoj was very lazy to go out for lunch so he made online order for food. He had ordered Domino's pizza last time so for a change he ordered chicken biryanai from a Malabar restaurant. He has to wait for 1 hour for delivery. In that time he checked in 'planetromeo' for hot guys around. There was a guy 3km away interested to be a 'bottom' with place in the afternoon. They immediately shared numbers and arranged to meet in the evening. City life has it merits when it comes to dating. In Chennai, one could get a date in a few hours, while in Kerala one has to wait for days. For Manoj, he had his boyfriend around whom he can meet anytime when he was Kerala. So he rarely bothered to meet anyone, but once in Chennai he started seeing men.

A boy rang bell to deliver the chicken biryanai. Manoj wrapped a towel around his waist to receive the biryani. He found the boy unattractive and suddenly paid the money in cash to kick the boy out. He was hungry and had his biryani fast afterwards. It was already 2 pm and after a few more minutes ofbrowsing he went to bed for a nap. While he closed his eyes he thought about Anoop and Saleesh. He has still ' the feelings' for Anoop but no 'feelings' for Saleesh . He would bluntly neglect Saleesh whenever the talk turns creepy, but Saleesh never failed to ring him atleast twice in a year for the last decade. `Before Anoop had a family I would call him daily to check how he was', Manoj thought. Manoj rang back Saleesh.

'Hello, how are you?' Saleesh asked.

'Fine, and you?' Manoj replied.

'I 'm Okay, is the room you had in Kerala vacant ? what are you doing in Chennai?' Saleesh wanted to know.

'Dont you know I am here for work? It was rented room and I left it almost 2 years back. I think I told this earlier' Manoj was getting restless to answer his irrelevant questions.

'okay, so how is life?', When Saleesh asked so Manoj knew what he implied. He wanted to know how his sex life is to be exact.

'Its going fine. I met few guys here. How about you? when are you getting married?', Manoj wanted to switch subject and he just threw up something else totalk.

'I will marry this year', Saleesh replied. Manoj kept silent and thought for a moment that Saleesh is almost 40 and still unmarried.

'You know since we met 2 years back, I have not masturbated', Saleesh said like it was an achievement.

'What? Are you going to be 'Sanyasi' ( saint)?", Manoj was asked in surprise.

'I already am, practically. Hows life for you?', Saleesh asked again.

'To be honest, it is pretty messed up. I cannot focus on anything. I am just going with the flow and I don't know where to', Manoj opened up his mind.

'Why don't you practice Pranayama and Yoga at least on some days?' Saleesh asked. Saleesh was a follower of Yoga under some Guru for few years.

'Yaa, you are right. I have to restart', Manoj said. Manoj used to practice Yoga independently. But he always dismissed the idea to practice it under a Guru.

'Shall we meet when you come Kerala?' Saleesh asked.

'Okay, we will. I am in hurry. See you later' Manoj lied to him.

'Fine. Bye then'.

Manoj was contended with the talk. People change, if they want themselves to be. He was happy to see a more reformed reply from Saleesh. It was 4 pm and was time to meet his date. He used to have apprehensions to meet strangers and have sex on the first date. He would wonder how to approach his ' date' would look like in real and what role to play if things proceed to sex. Now he dont neither care nor does he think of anything. He sometime feels a part of him lives in the past.

He took shower and dressed up. It was a 20 minute from his place. He doubted whether it is right to date a young guy. He convinced himself to have some moments of pleasure, some more moments where he can live at the moment. He wished that no memories cling to him like a baggage