Date: Tue, 6 Nov 2012 23:01:49 +0000 From: S. W Subject: With Regret Chapter 7 Chapter 7 "You fucking what?" I snapped angrily. "You slept with Jacob?" I was suddenly overwhelmed with absolute rage and panic. I felt physically sick, dizzy, distraught and insanely fucking jealous. My skin was abruptly plagued with a horrible, prickly feeling and my heart was thumping the crap out of my chest. I stared hard at Ethan, waiting for the bastard to say something as he just sat there looking mortified. Images rapidly went through my mind of him touching Jacob, his fucking hands all over my Jacob, trying to make him feel good. Had Jacob enjoyed it? Did he make him moan the way I did? I almost gagged at the thought, and my eyes started stinging from the moisture in them as the images became more graphic. Their naked bodies against each other...their tongues intertwining...argh! I couldn't even word what else I was picturing. It was so fucking sickening and most of all, painful. Unbelievably painful. "You...know him?" Ethan stammered with a trembling voice. "Know him?" I spat whilst standing to my feet. "He's my fucking boyfriend!" I towered over him with my fists clenched. I don't know which was more evident in my expression as I glared at him: anger or hurt. "No," he said shakily. "No, Phil. He'd never even heard of where I worked." What he said did jack shit to calm me down, as Jacob could have simply lied to him. "What does your Jacob look like?" he asked with desperation in his voice. "You have a photo on your phone?" "Tell me first," I said through gritted teeth. "So I know you aren't bullshitting me." I saw him take a few deep breaths, as though to prepare himself for the worst. "Ok. Well. He was about my height," he said shakily. Check. "Dark hair..." Check. "He was wearing a...dark green t-shirt? Jeans?" he continued. A tiny part of me relaxed as I remembered Jacob wasn't wearing that when he left our home last night. But it was short-lived when I realised he could have just got changed at his dad's. I couldn't remember which tops I packed for him. "Slim..." Fucking check. "Erm...brown eyes...I think?" "You think?" I spat as my voice broke. This was agonising...I just wanted to know for sure if it was my Jacob he'd been with... "I...I can't really remember. But I'm almost certain they were brown." "What about his cock?" I asked bluntly. Ethan looked momentarily horrified at what I classed to be the last resort for identifying Jacob. Jacob was uncut, but it wasn't exactly uncommon to be uncut. "C...cut," he stuttered, with a little embarrassment at having to refer to such an intimate detail. "Definitely cut." I honestly can't put words on the sensation that overwhelmed my body in that moment. "You sure?" I trembled, fighting the urge to cry. "Promise. I promise he was cut." With that, I walked off, leaving the bar and leaving Ethan in shock at the situation that had suddenly arose. Numb, on autopilot, I headed straight to my car and drove home. The thoughts in my head were too blurry to comprehend. I was still recovering from what I thought was discovering Jacob cheating. When I got home, I quickly parked the car and stumbled up the path to my front door. The second I got inside with the door shut behind me, I collapsed onto the floor, and sobbed my fucking heart out. * * * I must have been there for about an hour before I dug my phone out of my pocket. I think I was mainly sobbing out of relief, but I was also still distraught from thinking Jacob had been with Ethan. The emotions that took over when I thought Jacob had strayed were extremely intense and simply excruciating. But what hit the hardest from what had just happened was discovering that it must have felt like that for Jacob when finding me being unfaithful. I'd never known pain like it...and I absolutely hated myself more than ever after realising I'd caused Jacob such agony... As my trembling hands got my phone to call Jacob, I tried to tame my sobs, but to no avail. "Jacob?" I cried with desperation when he answered. "Jacob. I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry." I have no idea if he could understand what I was saying through my sobs, but I continued nonetheless. "I love you so much. I can't believe what I've done to you, Jacob. I can't believe I took the risk of hurting you so many times. I can't believe I even looked at another man. No one compares to you, Jacob. No one. I love you. I love you so much." I could hear Jacob whimpering on the other end of the phone as I poured my heart out to him. I went on to tell him that I would never meet someone who could make me as happy as he does. I told him I wasn't exaggerating when I said he was perfect. I said that he deserved to be happy and to be treated like a God. I threw every praise I could at him, not in an attempt to win him back or flatter him, but because I truly meant it. With my heart still aching for him, I told him that I would always love him, but that I wanted him to be happy. Even if that meant not being with me... When I finally stopped and took a breath, I hung up and dropped my phone onto the floor. * * * When someone knocked on the door, I was still sat on the floor, leant against the wall hugging my knees. I think I'd been there for about half an hour, reminiscing about Jacob and me. I was thinking back at the first time Jacob had met my parents. I'd rung them to tell them of my new relationship and they invited us round for dinner. They weren't always so eager to meet my boyfriends, but they knew Jacob was different; they could tell I thought a lot more of him than I had anyone else. My Dad was a lawyer and my Mum a nurse, which seemed to worry Jacob. He thought they would think less of him because he was `just an assistant'. I reminded him that there was nothing wrong with his job, and it certainly wouldn't colour their view of him. Jacob was incredibly nervous on the drive there. My parents weren't local – instead living about an hour's drive away. Throughout the journey, he kept fidgeting and asking what I thought he should say and `act like'. It was adorable. I obviously told him he should just relax and be himself. The night went down with a hit. My parents could see how crazy I was about Jacob. He got on especially well with my Mum, which I think was because he never knew his. She died while giving birth to him, leaving Jacob to be brought up by his dad and two older brothers. His dad never remarried, and so Jacob never had a significant woman in his life. As much I loved my parents, I didn't see them very often; we were so independent of one another. While Jacob's family was very close, they all talked to one another almost daily and were very open and honest with each other. Jacob was undoubtedly the closest to Danny though, maybe due to him only being a couple of years his elder as opposed to Simon, who was more my age. I wiped my eyes and picked myself up off the floor when I heard another knock at the door. Whoever it was sounded as though they were getting impatient. I sombrely opened the door with a sigh, until I saw who it was, and then my breath was caught. It was Jacob. Straightaway I could see he was crying and he looked exhausted. "What the hell, Phil?" he shouted as he physically shoved me back. He then came forward and slammed the door shut behind him. He sounded so angry, and it wasn't like him to be aggressive – especially not physically aggressive. We'd never laid a finger on each other, ever. I stood their stunned, genuinely shocked at the sight of an angry Jacob before me. Our conversation on the phone hadn't been an argument. I'd not said anything bad? "What's wrong?" I stammered. "What the fuck was that phone call about?" he cried. "You ring and go on about how you feel about me, tell me that you're sorry and shit, but then just hang up on me? What does that even mean?" I stared blankly at him, unsure of what to say. He sounded like an emotional wreck, shouting and crying at the same time. I was confused to say the least; I'd not expected such a confrontation. I didn't really understand what he was getting at either, to be honest. "Huh?" I replied sounding dumbfounded. "Is it...is it over?" he wept, the anger in his voice suddenly gone. "Is that what you were trying to tell me..?" "No..." I gasped, as I quickly held his face in my hands. "No...I was just telling you that I want you to be happy, Jacob. And if that means not being with me...then I'd understand. You're all I care about." I could see the turmoil in his eyes; he clearly didn't want us to come to an end, but neither did he look ready to jump back into my arms. We stared at one another teary-eyed. I wished I could make him trust me again... "Kiss me." "What?" I stammered at him. "Kiss me," Jacob whispered again. For a moment, I think I stopped breathing, shocked at his request. In a good way, of course. I gazed at his beautiful face and gently wiped away a tear from his cheek, before slowly leaning in and ever so carefully put my lips to his. Electricity fired through my entire body. I felt Jacob put his arms around my waist as he started to kiss me back. We started by softly caressing each other's mouths tentatively, before working our way further, opening our mouths and intertwining our tongues together. Our kiss remained romantically slow as we purely enjoyed the taste of one another. I could have stayed that way forever. But we didn't. Instead, we made our way into the living room... * * * I woke up to Jacob resting his head on my chest with an arm across me, while I had one around his shoulders. I softly kissed his head as I gently started to stroke his arm. We were both laid naked on the sofa covered up with just a blanket. We had just made love; breathtakingly amazing love. I don't know if it was because I'd been denied affection from Jacob for what seemed like forever, or because I didn't know if it would ever happen again, but it had felt utterly perfect. I'd never known passion like it, and I swear Jacob had never looked so beautiful before. I had savoured every second, enjoying how significant it felt being so close to him again. I just hoped it was the start of making things work together, and not a goodbye... To be continued... Hope you're enjoying the story! Next chapter may be a bit delayed as I'm participating in NaNoWriMo J Please see my website for my stories and updates: http://www.samanthakayblog.blogspot.co.uk/ FACEBOOK: search `Samantha kay's storys'