> a Man loves a Boy - book 1 <
- written by a Dutch psychotherapist -

(please go to my site to send me an email)


Stupidly, last time, I've sent you a WRONG chapter! My humble excuses for that.
(the chapter was from my parallel story that's called 'a Boy loves a Man'...)

Here comes the correct chapter 13 from this story:


- CHAPTER 13. The too difficult thermostatic shower tap.

Suddenly, my little soul mate looked up with a beaming face and sparkling eyes; as if he had heard or felt something he didn't expect. Was my little Shaman now demonstrating one of his mysterious 'gifts'; although he still couldn't remember where they came from?

With an enthusiastic baritone voice, he exclaimed:

"Here comes John!"

Adeptly, he freed himself from my enveloping arms, slid down onto the floor, and raced to our front door at full speed, leaving me very surprised. Had my boy really sensed John's energy in advance, perhaps because John was planning to visit us this early in the morning? But, then, my boy had to be sort of a 'clairvoyant' as well, next to being an 'upcoming Shaman', a 'psychic medium', and a 'mind reader'! Had this so extremely special child any MORE surprises in store?

Less than ten seconds after my little Shaman sensed John's energy, our doorbell rang, its too loud sound harshly reverberating through the hallway. At that same moment, I heard my little savage unlock our front door and open it. Much to my surprise, I really heard John's happy voice, enthusiastically greeting his little brother while entering our hallway. This was becoming eerie!

For a split second, I felt happy to see my young friend again. Then, it suddenly dawned on me that I was still almost naked, wearing only briefs! What if John entered my kitchen and saw me in such an 'indecent' state? What would my young friend think of me if he saw me like this, clad in nearly nothing? Wouldn't he feel shocked and immediately run home to tell his parents about my 'improper behavior'? I had to hurry upstairs and dress immediately! Only, would I be able to race upstairs and quickly put on some clothes, before John's eyes caught my nudity and he fled home to inform his parents?

Unfortunately, I didn't have enough time left to run through my hallway without being seen by John. Obviously, I was trapped in my kitchen and could only hope for the best. What else could I do? Trying to think fast, I quickly positioned myself at the back of our kitchen table, where I tried to hide my white briefs behind one of the folding chairs. Then, I waited.

Within a few seconds, two excitedly chatting boys tumbled into my kitchen, with their arms around each other and obviously feeling very happy to be reunited. Inside my kitchen, John first looked around and sniffed the air approvingly. Then, he embraced his little brother with pride in his eyes, while he stated:

"It smells wonderful here, and I bet you've cooked one of your famous breakfasts. Didn't you leave anything for me?"

Now, John acknowledged my presence, by smiling broadly and looking genuinely happy to see me. Enthusiastically, he rounded the kitchen table and came up to me. He put his arms around my unclad waist and happily offered me a fierce bear hug.

Amazingly, my young friend didn't look surprised at all, as if my being clad in only briefs or seeing his little brother totally naked were quite normal to him. For a couple of seconds, he cuddled up against my unclad chest and stomach, before he told me:

"Good morning, sir, and I am sorry for being this early. My little brother is a brilliant cook, isn't he? I bet that, one day, he will be a famous chef and have his own restaurant!"

Then, he left me and trotted back to his little brother, while pointing to the stairs in our hallway:

"Come on, let's hit the shower and have fun. Will you please join us and wash our hair, sir?"

John draped his arms around his little brother and pulled him in front of his chest. My boy melted into his big brother, and two pairs of beaming eyes expectantly looked at me...

Only, I couldn't understand why John didn't seem to be startled at all, at seeing his little brother totally naked and me clad in only briefs, almost as if he was already used to seeing us like this. Still feeling dumbstruck, I could only stare back at both boys. They really wanted me to join them in their shower, to wash their hair? Why would my young friends want an 'ancient grandpa' like me to join them and probably spoil their boyish fun? Or, could they be teasing me? Wasn't it enough for them to see me in this indecent state, being clad in nearly nothing and feeling utterly ashamed?

I looked again at John's beaming face, and saw that he really meant it. My young friend didn't tease me, but really wanted me to join them in their shower and have fun together!

What should I do now, still desperately trying to hide my almost-nakedness behind a folding chair? Why had I listened to my little soul mate, instead of ignoring his 'hungry stomach' and dress properly first? Besides, what would happen if John told his parents he had seen me like this? Certainly, Eric would forbid his children to visit this 'dirty old man' ever again! Apart from that, what would happen if I really joined my boys in their shower, to wash their hair? Our so extremely prude society would un-doubtedly see this as being very 'improper behavior'! Officially, these kids were not related to me in any way, and nobody had asked me to help them or to wash their hair. From the newspapers, I knew how our society tends to react to a grownup sharing his shower with two unrelated children. Everybody would see my behavior as 'seducing two innocent victims', even when both boys wanted it themselves and asked me for it.

Feeling more and more uneasy, I started to protest:

"Sorry, boys, but I don't think that is a good idea. I should-n't..."

However, my little soul mate had already left John and stepped towards me. Impatiently, he interrupted me:

"Please, don't spoil our fun! Come on, let's go upstairs."

Determinedly, he took my hand and started to drag me towards the door, in the meantime informing John:

"He is still a bit shy, because his parents taught him the same bullshit Eric tried to teach you, about feeling ashamed of your own body. He still has to learn that all boys and men have the same equipment. Could you please take his other hand and help me?"

John started to chuckle, while he went to my other side and took my other hand. Working together, both boys tried to drag me out of my kitchen and towards the stairs.

Only, what should I do now? Feeling rather overwhelmed by their unexpected pushing, I had already started to follow them into my hallway. Would both boys really try to force me to join them in their shower and wash their hair? Suddenly chuckling inwardly, I decided to let them have their innocent fun! Of course, I would be strong enough to escape their pushing, in case they would go too far. And, I was curious about how far they dared go. Therefore, I just let them drag me into our hallway and towards the stairs.

In front of the stairs, my youngest imp halted and asked me:

"Can you walk on your own, or shall we carry you up-stairs?"

Well, despite my boys' pushing, I really had to go upstairs to put on my clothes and feel decent again! Feeling like a lamb heading for the slaughter, I started to drag myself up the stairs, while I was very aware of two young boys following me and looking up at my bare legs and scarcely hidden bum. Involuntarily, my face started to feel hot with shame, while I gritted my teeth and kept on climbing up the stairs as if this were my daily habit.

Why was this so difficult for me? Why did I feel so extremely uneasy, now that both boys could see certain unclad parts of my body? Obviously, they didn't have any problems with being naked or almost naked, so why did I? Was my too strict and puritanical upbringing hindering me this much? Or, was it due to what our Big Brother society keeps telling us, about being 'indecent' in front of 'innocent children'? Was I now 'damaging' both 'victims' for the remainder of their lives, as our society tries to make us believe in all its wisdom?

As a trained psychotherapist, I knew that our society told us nonsense, without any proof at all to evidence their words. At the same time, I was sure that nobody would listen to my excuses. To them, I probably had already transformed into one of those 'child molesters' that should be locked away forever. Still feeling ashamed, I continued to drag myself upstairs, while desperately trying to will down my blushing. Of course, I had to pull myself together before both boys could drag me into their shower and force me to wash their hair.

When I finally reached the hallway, I immediately trotted to my own bedroom, where I quickly snatched my clothes from my chair. Slumping down onto a corner of my wobbly waterbed, I started to put my trousers on in a hurry. However, suddenly feeling dizzy, I fell silent, while my clothes slipped to the floor. My entire inside seemed to be in heavy turmoil, and I couldn't think straight any more. All these new happenings had been too much for my 'old' brain.

In my own youth, my parents always told my little brother and me to dress first before walking around in our house. Even as little babies, they always forced us to feel ashamed of certain parts of our bodies. They never again saw us naked once we were big enough to wash ourselves. Both my little brother and I had never seen our parents naked, not even partially. The first time I saw somebody else naked, besides my own brother, was in a barn behind my school, playing 'doctor' with a friend. Afterwards, I had been afraid of getting AIDS, as sort of punishment for touching each other's 'private parts'.

Later on, as a psychotherapist, I had to deal with many 'abused' or 'molested' children. Unfortunately, some of them had really been abused, being severely traumatized because of the terrible things they had been forced to endure. However, just like I did with my friend, lots of children had only been 'playing doctor' with each other's 'private parts', in mutual consent, willingly, and having lots of fun. Until a prudish grownup found out, punished them, and forced them to feel ashamed of all the 'terrible things' they had done! Yes, these kids had been traumatized as well; but afterwards, because of the denouncing reactions of the condemning grownups and our over-prudish Big Brother society! Our society had cruelly victimized these innocent children, in the name of 'protecting' them.

During all those years, I had never seen any child traumatized, or even upset, by merely seeing or touching a naked grownup. All those children had been traumatized after what they 'did', by the extravagant reactions of their prudish and shameful educators. Afterwards, after being traumatized; merely seeing some nudity could be a forceful trigger to their induced fears. Then, they were terribly afraid of having to undergo the same treatment for a second time.

Why didn't our society think first, before it forced innocent young children to feel guilty or ashamed? Why didn't they teach their children to always listen to their own hearts, instead of making them feel frightened by chasing after both 'real' and 'so-called' molesters? Our children are much more capable of distinguishing 'bad' from 'good' than we think, unless their inner feelings are poisoned by fear.

Parents should teach their children to always listen to their own feelings, instead of frightening them with 'good touch' and 'bad touch'. When it feels good, it IS good! Plus, you cannot get a better harvest by rooting out all the unwanted weeds. You will have to nurture the highly valuable vegetation until it prospers, and just forget about the weeds. They will always be there, but they are not important enough to harm the much more valuable corn! Unfortunately, the meddlesome and over-zealous 'weed-ers' are ruling our world.

"Sir? Uncle Harry? Aren't you feeling well?"

Slowly, I woke up from my sad train of thoughts, and shook my head a couple of times to get rid of them. Then, I looked up and stared into the concerned eyes of John and little Harry, both looking relieved when I finally reacted to them and tried to smile.

John put a warm hand onto my naked arm, while he asked me:

"Is it our fault? We were only teasing you..."

"No, John, none of this is your fault! My embarrassment is solely the fault of our over-prudish society, with its assumptions and harsh condemnations. Their incriminating 'big brother' mentality makes me feel frightened about the consequences of being almost naked where you can see me. If you ever tell this to anybody else, society would undoubtedly want to convict me, by accusing me of 'indecent behavior' in front of minors, even when you don't seem to mind."

"Yes, sir, I know you are right, because Jack and I have talked about those stupid 'nudity laws' many times. Only, both Harry and I already promised Jack that we will never ever blabber about anything private we are doing here, for example showering together and washing each other's hair. Both Harry and I know how to keep a secret, and I swear that you can trust us. Our lips are sealed!"

"Oh, I am quite sure that I can trust you. However, I am also afraid of what society can do to me, and I am NOT going to take any risk by joining you in your shower and wash your hair! Now, go take your shower; and I will wait downstairs until you are done."

"But, Jack always joined us in our shower to wash our hair, and together we always had lots of fun! Why do you have to behave so prudish when there is no risk at all? You are no fun."

"Well, I am not Jack, and I am not sure whether Jack did the right thing. He could have been in a lot of trouble if anybody ever found out! Sorry, but this is too difficult for me. My own parents always raised me very old-fashioned, and even my own wife never joined her shower with our own daughters. Sorry, but I am NOT going to take any risk! You and Harry will have to shower first, and I will take my shower after you are finished. Just read what the newspapers tell us about people luring innocent children into doing improper things. I do NOT want to be on their next front page!"

For a couple more seconds, John and little Harry tried to argue with me. Then, they suddenly fell silent, while intently staring into each other's eyes. What were they doing? I had a strange feeling as if they were 'talking' to each other in their minds. This was becoming more and more eerie! I already knew that my little Shaman could be sort of a 'mind reader', but could John be one too?

Then, John asked me, with his most innocent voice:

"Then, could you please switch on the too difficult warm water tap for us? Jack cannot help us any more, and Harry and I still don't know how to handle that strange thing..."

Of course, I immediately started to doubt! Could such a clever boy as John be serious about not knowing how to handle a simple warm water tap? Or were they trying to lure me into something, with their too innocent faces? Stealthily, I looked from John to little Harry, but both boys seemed to be sincere and innocent.

Well, okay. Helping them switch on a too difficult warm water tap did sound innocent enough. Wanting to keep my trousers dry, I first put my clothes back onto my chair. Then, I followed both boys into my bathroom, planning to switch on their too difficult warm water tap and then immediately leave them alone and go downstairs.

Jack, the former owner of my house, had rebuilt a small spare room into a luxurious bathroom, with a generous shower enclosure and enough room left for a washing machine, an electric dryer, and a huge chest of drawers. Until now, I had washed myself only with cold water, because the defective light bulb didn't switch on in the dark.

Hesitantly, I followed both boys towards Jack's shower enclosure, where I stared in surprise at what had to be a warm water tap. Only, I had never seen such a strange thing before. It looked like a short silver pipe, having one knob at each end and a water connection in the middle. One of the knobs showed a few dots with temperature signs, and the other knob only had some strange arrow on it.

For several seconds, I didn't know what to do, as my confused brain felt strangely absent and a bit sleepy. Then, I stepped into the shower enclosure, to have a better look at the strange thing, while my little soul mate accompanied me and curiously looked at what I was doing. Looking back at his innocent face, I still couldn't understand how even such a clever little brainiac didn't know how to operate this strange looking warm water thing, although I too didn't recognize it. How would I ever be able to adjust this strange warm water tap that I had never seen before? Feeling more and more uneasy, I knelt down to have a better look at the strange thing...

In the meantime, John had quickly shucked his clothes. He threw them onto my chest of drawers, and joined his little brother who was already in the shower stall. Obviously, John too wasn't shy about being naked in my presence. Although both boys seemed to be waiting for me, they also furtively snickered and pushed each other. Could they be up to something?

Suddenly, some faint pressure left my head and the strange feeling of being absent went away. At that same moment, my suppressed memories returned into my mind. Immediately, I remembered what the 'too difficult' warm water tap was in reality! These little devils. They had just been too cunning. This was a modern thermostatic water tap, and they knew it! Even the smallest child would be able to handle this tap without any risk of being burnt. They had lured me into their shower stall on purpose!

Had really my little Shaman suppressed my memories, so that I didn't recognize this water tap? And, had they really planned their prank in advance, without using any words? But, then, they had been able to read each other's thoughts, or they had talked to each other in their minds! Groaning from sudden stiffness, I slowly rose from my kneeling position, planning to lecture both boys sternly about their naughtiness, although I admired their inventiveness.

However, at seeing their proudly beaming faces and sparkling eyes, I couldn't keep a straight face any more. Involuntarily, I started to chuckle at the funny sight. Both boys looked up at me with broad smiles from ear to ear, with their arms around each other's shoulders. It was clear that they knew exactly what they had done, and they felt very proud of their success!

John threw his arms around my unclad waist, while he snickered:

"Now that you have seen both of us naked, you don't have to be so shy anymore. Please, could you now join us and wash our hair, as Jack always did? Of course, you can keep your briefs on, to protect our innocent eyes from seeing your pride and joy."

At seeing their innocent but still proudly beaming faces, I couldn't help it. I started to bellow with laughter! Both boys had me exactly where they wanted me to be, with their clever pranks and John's playful use of words. Obviously, both 'innocent' boys were much cleverer than I ever anticipated!

My little soul mate turned on the 'too difficult' thermostatic water tap, effortlessly, before he stepped out of the way of the initial cold water stream. From a small distance, he laughed at John and me, who yelped at unexpectedly getting cold water on our bodies. Working together, John and I grabbed our struggling little imp and pulled him under the cold stream. Fortunately for him, the water had already warmed up, thus, this time, he escaped from our punishment.

Now, all three of us started to mock-wrestle and push each other; acting like little children trying to have the best place under the warm water stream. Within a second, I felt like a little boy myself, basking in my happy feelings of pure and innocent joy. Both boys immediately accepted me as being 'one of them', without any restrictions or considerations. Chuckling and laughing, we started to lather each other with lots of soap and shampoo. Soon, both boys tackled me to the floor and dived onto me, forming a pile of squirming wet bodies on top of my groaning 'old' frame. Until I wrestled free from their pile and pinned both boys down onto the slippery floor, threatening to tickle-torture them to death.

After having very much fun, we started to help each other with washing. First, we shampooed each other's hair, creating huge clouds of lather. Then, we washed each other from head to toe, giggling like three little children having the fun of their lives. We teased each other, group-cuddled with six arms around each other, and everything we did felt absolutely normal.

For the first time since little Joshie's death, I felt like a little boy, and I loved the experience! This morning, I finally understood what some new-age therapists intend, when they tell their clients to 'stop acting like a grownup' and to 'comfort their Inner Child'.

Perhaps, this was what the Bible intended with its wise advice:

'Unless you become like children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven.'

Never before had my own Inner Child enjoyed a shower so much. Could our zealous Big Brother society be wrong with its over-prudish assumptions about 'displaying indecent behavior' between bathing children and naked grownups? Could it be that the real, and sometimes abso-lutely needed, 'protection from nasty predators', had been overturned into 'throwing away the child with the dirty wash'?

Both as a human being and as an experienced psychotherapist, I was absolutely sure that both showering boys hadn't been harmed in any way! Unless our meddlesome Big Brother society would interfere and force my boys to feel ashamed of what I had 'done' to them...

After rinsing each other and having lots of fun, we decided to stop playing and get dressed. Before we left our shower stall, my happy looking little soul mate shut off the 'too difficult' thermostatic water tap, again without any problems. Next, we tried to dry each other, but we had to use the only towel I had been able to find so far. Soon, our towel was soaked, and we had to wring it out a couple of times to be able to use it some more, until at last we were more or less dry.

Without any remaining feelings of shame, I stripped my wet briefs off and threw them into the hamper. Then, I bent over towards my chest of drawers to get dry underwear, unafraid that my boys would look at my now unclad bum. Of course, I was right. They were not inter-ested. Why should they be?

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- A few excerpts from your wonderful 'fanmail' emails:

First, go to my homepage, by clicking on www.gypsyseries.com
Next, scroll down until you find my two series of five manuscripts each (some are not readied yet).
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Aad Aandacht is a Dutch psychotherapist who loves writing 'emotional rollercoasters with a message'.
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