> a Man loves a Boy - book 1 <
- Last time, my ongoing 'Gypsy Series' story ended with:
Had I really had my own little son, in my past life as a trapper, while John was a grownup trapper and our dearest friend? Had my own little son returned to earth, to be John's 'little brother' and probably soon be 'my boy'? If so, I felt even more eager to meet him!
While heaving a deep sigh of utmost content, John let himself slide down onto his feet while he told me:
"I'm going home now; but I will be right back and bring Harry to you as soon as possible."
First, John took his empty glass and my coffee cup from the kitchen table, and put them into the sink. Then, he put the milk back into the refrigerator, before he hasted outside. Again, John seemed to be a lot tidier than I had been at that age.
Surprisingly, after John's unexpected visit, my old and a bit rusty body felt more alive and kicking than it had ever felt before! My affectionate young friend with his healing powers and his big heart full of caring love clearly had an astonishing refreshing impact on my mental health. It felt wonderful to have such a lovable young buddy at my side, although I was already an 'old man' and John was 'only' a young boy. I really hoped he would return soon, preferable accompanied by his 'little Gypsy brother' who once had been my own little son... unless my 'memories from a past life' were only some weird product of my own imagination.
But, then, why did John remember exactly the same things from our so-called 'past lives', including me having my own little son who had returned to my former friend as 'little Harry'? If only my too analytical mind could have some undeniable proof...
- CHAPTER 5. Seeing Jack's 'spirit'; meeting 'little Harry'.
My kitchen felt strangely empty, now that John had left my house to encourage his little brother to join him to my house and meet me. Still feeling vague, I slumped down on my folding chair, absent-mindedly staring at the twittering sparrows in my backyard that happily chased after each other. So many inexplicable things had happened, in such an unbelievable short time... Yesterday morning, I had arrived in my newly bought house in this small village, to enjoy the rest of my retirement here, in peace and quiet. Almost immediately, I met a thirteen-year-old boy I recognized from at least one of our 'past lives', and he seemed to recognize me too. At the same time, I remembered I once had a little son, although I never before believed in any weird 'new-age' things like 'past lives' or 'reincarnations'.
Now, John and I had sensed Jack's 'ghost' or 'spirit' in my kitchen, who was the deceased former owner of my house; and 'little Harry' seemed to be able to see Jack's spirit and even talk to his deceased 'Big Friend'! Last night, I had heard Jack's warm and soulful voice in my inside, telling me loud and clear: 'You are approaching your destiny, and your boy needs you'. At that same moment, I had felt my own little brother around me and sensed his so well known energy of being in perfect harmony with each other! This was absolutely unbelievable; unless my still totally baffled mind could accept the incredulous fact of living more than one life on earth.
Had really John, little Harry, and I known each other before, and had really Jack's 'spirit' guided me to his former house, to meet John here and probably soon my burnt little Gypsy boy? Stealthily, I peeked at the same corner where John had sensed Jack's energy and where I had seen some sort of hazy mist. Much to my surprise, the same hazy mist was still there, slowly becoming even more visible! At the same time, a faint draft started to whirl around in my kitchen, involuntarily giving me goose bumps all over my arms and legs. What the heck was happening here, in my own kitchen? Could this faint hazy mist be the 'spirit' of the deceased former owner of my newly bought house, Jack? Was Jack visiting his former house from 'the beyond', and was he now trying to contact its new owner? Plus, was my own little brother, Joshie, around me as well?
An unusual idea popped up in my mind, making me think... Could the 'spirits' of Jack and little Joshie be the same person? Did dead people grow up in 'heaven' and become older? After my nightmare, my 'spirit guide' felt like little Joshie, but he had talked to me with the grownup voice of Jack! Then, an even stranger idea popped up in my mind... Could Jack be the next 'incarnation' of Joshie? Had my little brother returned to earth, around fifty years ago, to be reborn and grow up as Jack who bought this house and lived in it until he died? If so, this fully explained why I always felt both Jack's and little Joshie's energy around me at the same time! If only my more and more baffled brain could have some undeniable proof...
In the meantime, all the sounds in my kitchen started to mute, as if some thick blanket wrapped itself around everything; while a faint shape of a huge cathedral started to build up around my kitchen, as if shielding me from any interfering outside energies. I even thought I smelled a faint scent of wild flowers or aromatic incense, while I also heard some ethereal 'celestial chorus' singing beautiful songs in the background. The air in my kitchen became even chillier, giving me more goose bumps all over my body. This was becoming eerie!
Some time ago, I had seen a spooky fantasy film about a nasty 'ghost' haunting innocent people who had bought its former house. Only, I never thought I could be its next victim! Now, I also started to feel tired and a bit drowsy, as if somebody could have drugged me, while my inside started to feel extraordinarily calm. What the heck was happening to me, here in my own kitchen for crying out loud... Was I suddenly dying without knowing it, and would I soon leave earth and enter 'heaven', or perhaps 'hell'?
Feeling mystified, and also a little bit afraid, I stared in surprise at some vague human form that faintly showed up through the slowly moving mist. While I wondered who or what this faint human form could be, the mist changed into the transparent form of a real man. The still transparent man looked at me with his deep brown eyes full of love and compassion, and SMILED at me!
To say I felt 'dumbstruck' is not strong enough to express my confused feelings of that moment, because I immediately recognized Joshie's intensely staring eyes and knowing smile, as if the imp knew something important that I didn't need to know yet! This faint and almost transparent 'spirit' really looked like a fifty-year-old grownup version of my deceased little brother, while his warm eyes stared at me with the same mysterious intensity as before!
At seeing his knowing smile, I was absolutely sure that this 'ghost' belonged to my own little brother, Joshie, who obviously had reincarnated and now was a grownup! This time, I could no longer deny it. Without any doubt, Jack WAS the next 'incarnation' of little Joshie, who had grown up and now was around fifty years old! Surprisingly, Jack's 'spirit' also looked like John, having the same deep brown eyes and dark brown hair with little curls at the edges. For a moment, I even thought that Jack and John easily could be father and son, because they were looking so much alike.
Still smiling at me, Jack's faint 'spirit' stretched his ghostly hands out towards me. At that same moment, an extremely powerful wave of Pure Cosmic Love started to engulf my body and my soul, making me feel drowsy, and warm, and safe, and all mushy inside. Never before had I felt being loved like this, while I opened my aura to Jack's Pure Love and basked in the joyful feeling of being healed into my deepest core. Obviously, Jack's spirit was an even more powerful healer than his son John seemed to be!
After a couple seconds of basking in Jack's powerful love and warmth, I heard his voice, as if coming from within my own inside. Immediately, I recognized the same warm and soulful voice I had heard before, after I had my frightening nightmare, when Jack's spirit told me: 'You are approaching your destiny, and your boy needs you'. This time, Jack's warm and soulful voice told me:
"My dear brother; finally, I can give you your 'undeniable proof'! Once I was your little brother who burnt himself to death. From our Timeless Eternal Realm, I reincarnated immediately, to help your son from a past live and bring him to you. Please stop feeling guilty, because you only helped me redeem some old Karma, and nothing has been your fault! Both you and I had to live through our own experiences, to develop more Universal Love and Cosmic Awareness. Therefore, please stop doubting, and only listen to what your Own Heart tells you. Many devoted Spirit Friends and Cosmic Helpers are around you and your steadily growing family, to help you when and wherever we are allowed. Working together, we will guide you onto your chosen path that also is ours. You will soon start to remember many more things about who you are in reality. For now, may our Supreme Being bless you, your former son who is about to show up in your life, and our affectionate young friend who will again be your devoted helper."
Slowly, my hazy 'Spirit Guide' turned around, faded away, and disappeared into thin air. The chilly air in my kitchen started to warm up, and my goose bumps went away. The huge cathedral and the angelic chorus vanished, the thick blanket unwrapped from the muted sounds, and everything else in my kitchen returned to 'normal'. Still feeling tired and disorientated, I looked around in utter surprise, listened to the returning sounds of the twittering sparrows in my backyard, and didn't know any more what to believe...
Today, I had seen a 'spirit' or 'ghost', here in my own kitchen, felt his Love and healing energy engulfing my body and my soul, and heard his warm and soulful voice in my inside, while I recognized him as being the 'next incarnation' of my own little brother... I needed a BREAK! All my life, I had presumed that seeing a 'ghost' or a 'spirit' could only be some weird trick of your own imagination. However, today, I had both seen and heard such a 'spirit', and he even talked to me in my inside! Or, had this faint and hazy form been a 'ghost', or maybe a 'guardian angel'? What could be the difference?
Then, it started to bother me that I had heard Jack's voice in my inside, instead of the words coming out of his mouth! Why was that? Could I have made that 'ghostly' voice up in my own mind? Of course, as a psychotherapist, I was familiar with ill people 'seeing hallucinations' and 'hearing voices'. Up to now, I had always assumed that my own mind was relatively sane and healthy. However, after going through these 'ghostly' experiences, I wasn't so sure any more...
Immediately, my rational mind took over and started to doubt. Something had to be severely wrong with me! I had obviously started hallucinating and creating weird illusions in my mind. Therefore, I had to find a reliable 'shrink' immediately, to check my mental health and put me under the necessary medication! What coincidence that I happened to be such a 'shrink' myself. Would I still be 'reliable'?
Worriedly, I decided to do a couple of quick psychological tests on myself. If my hallucinating brain had concocted these strange illusions all on its own, it would also be able to recreate them all on its own! Therefore, testing my mental sanity would be relatively easy.
First, I tried to recreate the well-known feeling of sensing little Joshie around me... but my kitchen felt empty and it stayed empty. Next, I tried to create some misty and hazy form in a corner of my kitchen... but nothing happened. I tried to fantasize a huge cathedral around my kitchen, with a singing celestial chorus in the background... but everything around me stayed the same. I tried to reproduce Jack's warm and soulful voice in my inside... but my inside was silent and it stayed silent! Finally, albeit reluctantly, my baffled mind could come up with only one reasonable conclusion: I had really seen and heard Jack's 'spirit', showing up in a corner of my kitchen! Or, had this hazy form been a 'ghost', or maybe my 'guardian angel'?
Fact was that I HAD seen the deceased former owner of my house, Jack, who also turned out to be the next incarnation of my own little brother, Joshie. Therefore, albeit unintentionally, I had PROVEN to my own inside that I had really seen Jack's 'spirit' or 'ghost', unexpectedly showing up in my own kitchen! Of course, this conclusion also turned my entire convenient and normal world upside down. From now on, my sanely structured life would nevermore be the same.
Feeling confused and a bit shaky, I rose from my folding chair and returned to my pile of cardboard boxes. As on autopilot, I went on sorting my possessions and putting them into the various cabinets and cupboards. In the meantime, I desperately tried to divert my still entangled thoughts, by concentrating on what I was doing. Very much to my delight, I finally found my packet of tissues, lying on the bottom of the next cardboard box. From now on, I would be fully prepared in case anyone needed a wagonload of tissues to dry their tears or blow their nose! Happily, I trotted upstairs and put the packet of tissues where I was sure I could easily find it if needed.
After returning downstairs, I went back to my pile of cardboard boxes and opened the next one, to empty it and put its contents away into the various cabinets and cupboards. Again, my thoughts returned to my burnt little Gypsy boy, who missed a 'Big Friend' in his life and just couldn't cope without one. Why did I feel so strangely longing to meet my little namesake, every time I thought of him as being 'my boy'? Was that because 'little Harry' once was my own little son, during one of our past lives, while John had been our best friend?
Then, I started to think about what Jack's 'spirit' had told me. Jack had confirmed that he was the next incarnation of my own little brother! Had I really helped little Joshie redeem 'some old Karma'? Could Joshie have burnt himself to death on purpose? That was almost unbelievable! And, would really many devoted 'Spirit Friends' and 'Cosmic Helpers' be around me and my steadily growing family, to help me when and wherever they are allowed? By the way, why would I have a 'steadily growing family', at my age? Ultimately, I was only an old and retired psychotherapist...
Jack's spirit had spoken of 'YOUR former son'; but he had said 'OUR affectionate young friend'. Why had Jack made such a strange difference between 'your son' and 'our friend'? Had that been a slip of the tongue, or was there a hidden meaning behind Jack's words?
Suddenly, my loud doorbell rang again, its irritating sound harshly shaking me out of my reveries! Muttering under my breath, I realized I had to replace that wicked thing as soon as possible, before it caused me to have a heart attack. However, first, I had to open my front door, to brush off the unwelcome sales representative I was sure I hadn't invited. Or, had John already talked to his 'little brother'? Were John and 'little Harry' now waiting at my front door to let them in? I had already started calling him 'little Harry', to distinguish my little namesake from me as being 'Big Harry'... Quickly, I went to my front door and opened it wide, suddenly feeling nervous.
Five children huddled together on my porch, playfully pushing each other while expectantly looking up at me. A sixth child shyly hid behind his friends, while a motherly looking Marrie tried to push him forward. Here were all the young neighbors I had missed so much, including 'little Harry'! Only, why was 'my boy' trying to hide his burnt face from my view? Hadn't John told him about my own burnt little brother? Or, did he still need some more time to feel at ease in the company of this stranger he had never met before?
Enthusiastically, I invited my young friends in, by exclaiming:
"What a pleasant surprise! Please, come in, all of you, and would you care for another drink?"
Then, I turned around and ambled back inside, without waiting for my young friends to follow me, because I thought they might feel a bit safer when they were allowed to enter the house of this bearded 'stranger' voluntarily. My idea seemed to work, because everybody just followed me inside, including little Harry.
On the way to my kitchen, I first collected five more folding chairs from my hallway closet. Fortunately, I had bought plenty of them, to be prepared for any unexpected visitors... Only, how do you carry five unwilling folding chairs at the same time, without getting entangled? My young friend, John, started to chuckle at my clumsy efforts to keep all of them folded at the same time. Then, he rescued me, by helping me drag them towards the kitchen. Working together, we unfolded all five chairs and neatly placed them around the kitchen table, next to the two folding chairs that already were there.
In the meantime, everybody had followed us and now huddled together in a corner of my kitchen. Four children looked around curiously or smiled at me bashfully, while John stepped towards them and joined his friends. Unfortunately, I still couldn't see the sixth child who shyly hid behind the huddle. Obviously, 'little Harry' still didn't want me to see his burnt face! Why was that? Hadn't John told his 'little brother' that I was already used to seeing a young boy with a badly burnt face, because of my own burnt little brother?
John had placed himself in front of his friends, looking proud, while Thomas stepped directly behind John as if looking for protection. Chrissy was again giggling while playfully pushing Mark into Thomas. Marrie still had her arms around a hesitant little boy, while she in vain tried to push him forward and towards me.
Although 'my boy' still tried to hide his burnt face from my view, I now could see some more of him. Again, I wondered about his hair that was of a light brownish color, nearly white. John had told me that little Harry was a Gypsy boy, and I always thought that all Gypsies had dark hair. Could one of his deceased parents be of a non-Gypsy origin? That would also explain his bright blue eyes.
Fortunately, he didn't look too much like my own little brother, who had lost all his hair and was completely bald. His hands looked relatively undamaged, but his uncovered arms clearly showed a couple of reddish scars and colored stains. While hoping to see some more of 'my boy', I told my waiting friends:
"Please, sit down, and let me take your order for a drink."
John was the first one who moved away from the herd. He went straight to my refrigerator, obviously already feeling at home. Carrying a bottle of milk, he went to the kitchen table and sat down. In the meantime, I collected six drinking glasses and put them in front of the folding chairs. Thomas still seemed to hesitate, but he went to the table and sat down, very close to John.
I laughed at the suddenly shy rascal, and asked him:
"Sir Thomas, what is your order? Milk, hot chocolate, or tea?"
"Err... Can I... oops... MAY I have hot chocolate, please?"
Still laughing, I took John's already opened bottle of milk from the table and poured some into a pan. First, I put the pan onto my electric cook top, planning to heat the milk. Then, I decided to wait for the other children. Perhaps, they wanted to have hot chocolate as well. I turned around, and saw that Mark and Chrissy had already joined John and Thomas at the kitchen table. Still giggling and pushing each other, they were waiting for me to take their orders. At the same time, Marrie tried to push a hesitating little boy towards me.
Finally, I was able to see some more of my blond-haired little Gypsy friend. Although his body seemed to be a tad too small for being eight years old, his firm and lithe frame looked relatively strong and healthy. Only, he still held his head down, as if he was afraid to show me his burnt face. Why was my boy still hesitating to show me his burns? Hadn't John told him that I was already used to having a burnt child around, because of my own little brother?
Out of professional habit, I switched into my 'therapist mode', to read my boy's aura and interpret his body language. Tuning in into my boy's energy field, I was again very surprised to find out that this boy was NOT afraid of me! In fact, never before had I sensed such an enormous lot of Inner Power and self-consciousness in such a young child! This little Gypsy boy was very proud of himself, again showing me a demeanor as if he could be a little Aristocrat. His body language told me he was afraid, but only to be disappointed in his own expectations. Obviously, too many people had reacted shocked, called him names, shooed him away, or rejected him rudely, at seeing his so terribly burnt face for the first time.
Again, my inside felt a strong connection, as if I recognized my own little son from our past trapper life. Again, my inside wanted to rescue my boy from an attacking grizzly bear, so that I wanted to pull him into my arms to never let him go again! Fortunately, my mind was still working, and I didn't want to make the same fault twice by acting too fast and rushing things. Therefore, I decided to let my boy make his own decisions in his own time. I only opened my heart towards him and started to send him as much Universal Love as I was able to muster. Hoping he would again pick up at least some of my words, I also tried to 'talk' to him in my mind. Silently, I 'told' him he could trust me and that I really wanted to be his new friend.
Immediately, my boy lifted his head and stared deeply into my eyes, as if he felt my Universal Love and picked up all my unspoken words! Two very bright blue eyes pierced straight into mine, while his powerful aura wavered out and effortlessly contacted my deepest core. This extremely special child had the most fascinating eyes that I had ever seen. His deep blue orbs showed me an enormous amount of Inner Pride, and a more than superior intelligence. At the same time, they also showed me a deep sadness and a longing to belong to a loving and caring grownup who would accept him for who he was, and who would help him grow up in our too hostile world.
My boy's piercing eyes also reminded me of the old Indian Shaman I once consulted. The Shaman had stared at me with the same penetrating eyes, while effortlessly reading my deepest intentions. Could this tiny Gypsy boy be an upcoming Shaman, maybe without knowing where he was heading? Or, did all young Gypsy children possess such extremely powerful abilities?
Feeling shocked, I suddenly found out that my little 'upcoming Shaman' went straight through all my so carefully built-up emotional defenses! His powerful aura energy dived directly into my deepest core, obviously to find out who I was in reality. Effortlessly, he found all my hidden thoughts and quickly paged through them. Could this little Shaman be a 'mind reader' as well, next to being a 'clairvoyant'?
Soon, the entire world around my boy and me ceased to exist. My entire structured and controlled world faded away, until I was solely aware of two bottomless blue orbs that effortlessly sucked in the remainders of my emotional defenses! Within a few seconds, I had to use all my strength, to tear myself loose from his penetrating gaze and to regain at least some of my quickly crumbling posture. I also felt an extremely strong feeling of recognition that left me almost breathless. My heart was absolutely sure that I already knew this so special little Gypsy Shaman who effortlessly stole my thoughts, my love, my heart, and my soul! At the same time, my inside was sure that I had been at least my boy's equal during several past lives, and almost certainly possessed even more powerful 'Shaman' and 'Mage' abilities!
A strong wave of pure happiness overwhelmed my inside, making me tremble with pride and joy. This extremely powerful little Shaman was the REAL reason why I was here! I had been waiting for this special child all my life, while preparing myself to be able to help and guide 'my boy' through his difficult youth. Even becoming a psychotherapist, working with troubled children, and studying all the useful 'alternative' things like 'aura reading and healing', had been a thorough preparation to be here for 'my boy' when he finally showed up in my life and needed my guidance! Was this what Jack had meant, when he told me after I woke up from my nightmare: 'You are approaching your destiny, and your boy needs you'?
Tearing myself loose from my boy's penetrating gaze, I tried to regain at least some 'normal' composure as a trained psychotherapist. I also took a couple of deep breaths, to force myself to return into the 'here and now'. Ultimately, as a responsible grownup, I had to keep this situation in my own hands, because I couldn't allow myself to show any weaknesses towards such a small child. Or, could I?
In the meantime, my 'little Shaman' freed himself from Marries arms, still probing my eyes and reading my deepest intentions. For a second, he seemed to wait for any negative reactions, now that I was able to see his so terribly burnt face. Would I really accept him and want to be his new Big Friend? Or, would I soon reject him, as so many others had done after they saw his burns... When nothing happened, my boy took a couple of quick steps towards me, until I was able to feel his surprisingly warm body heat. There, he stopped, as if he wanted to wait for ME to take the next step...
Feeling a deep reverence, I 'read' my boy's aura field, in which I sensed a Very Old Soul and Wise Cosmic Master, temporarily living in this small body while waiting until he had grown up enough to start fulfilling his Important Task on Earth, working closely together with ME! Again, I remembered my old Indian Shaman. According to him, my soul already possessed many powerful 'Cosmic Abilities', but I would be able to use all my powers only after I first met a couple of former 'Cosmic Friends' from my past lives, and we started working together. Only, what were those 'Cosmic Abilities', and had I really been such a powerful Shaman myself?
Even stranger memories started to show up in my confused mind, of once being a famous Gypsy Leader, nicknamed 'Gypsy Monarch Harold the Great'. In that past life, my little Shaman had been a grownup and my Beloved Vice Leader, while John was his little son and totally devoted to me! In that past life, working closely together, my boy and I had founded our modern Gypsy way of living, filling it with much more Caring Love, Freedom, Understanding, and Compassion...
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- A few excerpts from your wonderful 'fanmail' emails:
> So many glowing words have been said about your story, that it would be repetitive to go on about it. The truth has been told. You are a gifted story teller, a person that shows the depth of his heart and love through his words. This is just an amazing story, which to be honest with you has brought tears to my eyes. Please keep the good work coming!
> The more I read of this story the more I fall in love with Harry. For all that he has been through he is wise well beyond his years. In the short time he was been with Big Harry his self confidence has grown by leaps and bounds. I look forward to each new chapter to see how this young man will grow and how his and Big Harry's life will continue to be blessed. You have a truly great story here.
> Of all the stories I have read in the last 3 years only 4 or 5 have drawn me in the way Little Harry does. I can't wait to read more and to see how things turn out. You have done an excellent job and I think that your story is very well writen and thought out. It is a great story, please keep up the good work.
> Harry, what a tremendous job you are doing with this story. Thanks for writing it for us. I can hardly wait for the next chapters to read the adventures these three are going to be involved in. Thanks!
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