Adam? Yes, Matty.

Three days later I was driving from my office to the Park District to pick up Matty when my cell phone rang. Susan often called me when she had a minute, just to say hi and check in, so I was astounded to see the name that came up on the display.

"Chris?!" I practically yelled into the phone. "Is it really you?"

"Hey, Cuz," came the voice I'd known my entire life. "How the hell are you?"

"Wow, man!" I said, unable to contain my delight. "I was just thinking about you, Dude, I swear to God."

"Rub the magic lamp and I appear," he said, a smile in his voice.

"Like hell," I said. "You haven't called in, what? Two years?"

"The phone rings at my end, too, Cuz," he said.

"True enough," I said. "Well, I'm just glad to hear from you. Let's not wait another two years, OK? Let's make a pact to call once a month."

"Sure," he said. "Then in two more years when we haven't talked we can make another pact."

"Still the smart ass, I see," I said teasingly.

"Always," he said.

"So how's it going?" I asked. "How's Alan?"

He paused a second. "Alan's Alan," he said.

"Oh, jeez, that doesn't sound good."

"It's not as bad as all that," Chris said. "I love him like crazy, like always, and I know he loves me."

"But..." I prompted.

"But things have changed lately, and I don't really like it."

"Like how?" I asked.

"You remember Alan and I always liked to cruise the bars on Saturday night," he said. "And we'd usually find a hottie to bring home for a threesome. That was, like, our thing."

"And now that's changed?"

"Yeah," Chris said. "A few months ago Alan announced out of the blue that he isn't into that anymore, that he's going to be monogamous. No discussion, no consideration of how I feel about it. He's just done."

"And you don't want to be monogamous?"

"Hello?" he said mockingly. "Have you met me, Adam? When was I ever into monogamy? One of the reasons I could even be in a long-term thing with Alan was because we both liked to sample everything in the Variety Pack. I can't do vanilla for the rest of my life."

"So are you splitting up?" I asked.

"Not yet," he said. "Alan says I don't have to stop cruising. He says he loves me and he trusts me not to bring home any diseases or anything, that it's something he's doing strictly for himself, and that I should go ahead and have fun."

"But you're freaked out, right?"

"Well, yeah," Chris said. "For one thing, I don't believe that he's really OK with me fucking around without him. I think he wants me to say that I'll be monogamous, too, but I don't want to do that. On the other hand, I love him and I don't want to hurt his feelings. I can't just flaunt one-night-stands in front of him. I'd feel like an asshole."

"So what are you going to do?" I asked.

"I've been picking up guys and going to their place, and telling Alan I'm at work or some shit," he said, exasperated. "I'm sneaking around behind his back, even though he says it's OK to sleep around. Either way I do it, in his face or behind his back, I feel like an asshole."

"Wow, that sucks," I said. "I'm glad you called me to talk about it, but I don't have any miraculous advice for you."

"I didn't call you to talk about it," he said. "I wasn't even going to mention it, but it's you, man, and my feelings just sort of poured out. You have that effect on me."

"Yeah," I said. "I love you too, Chris."

After a pause he said, "Actually I called because I'm coming to your neck of the woods in a couple of weeks."

"Hey, that's great!" I said. "What brings you here?"

"I'm starting a new job, and it turns out the company's world headquarters is about five minutes from your place. I have to go for a week of training and I was hoping I could crash with you. I promise I'll make the nights interesting."

"I'm actually not living in the condo right now," I said. "In fact it's sitting empty, so of course you're welcome to use it. I'll just have to get some sheets and towels and shit and stock the fridge."

"Thanks, man, I appreciate it," he said. "Or else I'd have to stay in some shitty corporate housing and share a room with somebody I've never met. So where are you living, then?"

I hesitated, realizing immediately that Chris would notice the hesitation. "I, uh, moved in with my boyfriend, actually."

"Hey, nice!" Chris said. "I'm happy for you, Adam. So who is this guy?"

"Well, his name is Matty..."

"Maddie?" Chris asked. "Like M-a-d-d-i-e?"

"No," I said. "Matty, short for Matthew."

"Oh, that makes more sense," he said. "So what's he like?"

I hesitated again. "He's great," I said. "A really sweet kid."

"Kid, huh?" Chris said, teasing. "So then he's younger."

"You could say that, yeah."

"How much younger, you dog you?" Chris teased some more.

"Um," I stammered. "Eleven."

"Eleven years younger?" Chris mused. "Twenty-five, then. That's quite a gap, but it's probably workable."

"No, Chris," I said, deciding in that second that I just couldn't lie to him. "He's eleven. Matty is eleven years old."

What followed was the longest five seconds of silence I could ever remember. When he spoke Chris' voice was calm.

"I just have one question, Adam. ARE YOU CRAZY?"

I exhaled deeply. "Yes, I think I am."

"Adam," he said. "Do you know that there are a hundred and forty-six ways this can go south and land your ass in jail?"

"Yes," I said. "I'm acutely aware of that."

"And you say you moved in with him? This child has his own place?"

"It's his mother's house. I live with both of them."

"How the fuck does that work?" Chris asked in disbelief.

"I'm actually with both of them. Romantically, I mean."

"What?!" Chris exclaimed, in the same tone I'd expect if I said that I had married my dog and was having a litter. "Holy shit, Adam," Chris said. "You mean to tell me you're boning the Mom and the kid both?"

"I love him, man," I said plaintively, desperate for the most important person in my past to understand my present. "And I love her. I didn't know Matty existed when I first got interested in Susan, but then I met him and it was all over for me. He's the love of my fucking life, Chris."

He paused a long time, saying nothing. I turned the car into a side street and pulled over, too emotional to drive and have this conversation at the same time.

"I knew you still liked the young stuff," he said. "You never grew out of it like the rest of us, but I thought you were smart enough to leave it alone."

"It had been ten years," I said. "And I swear I didn't go looking for a kid. It just sort of happened."

"Jail sort of happens, too," he said. "And if those guys find out what you're in for you could easily end up on the pointy end of a shiv."

"A shiv?" I attempted to tease. "You've seen Shawshank Redemption too many times."

"Big joke," Chris said derisively. "A couple years ago the inmates took over a prison in New Mexico. They broke into the records office and went around torturing and murdering all the child molesters. That was on the news, not some stupid movie."

I had no rejoinder for that.

"I mean, I know you like adult men. Last time we hooked up you fucked me so hard I walked funny for a week. And I know you like females, too. Hell, you swing both ways like a goddamn saloon door! Why would you take a chance like this when you have so many alternatives?"

I told Chris the whole story of meeting Susan and asking her out and then being surprised and thunderstruck by her sweet little son.

"And when he fell in love with me, too, I just had no choice. I'd rather be in jail or murdered than willingly give him up. I can't walk away, Chris. It would kill me as surely as that shiv."

Chris spoke in a long, slow exhale. "Jesus fucking Christ." And then, "I hope you know what you're doing."

"Yeah," I said. "Me too."

"The kid loves you back, huh?"

"His name is Matty," I said, important to me that Chris acknowledge him as a person and not mere jail bait. "And yes, he does."

"And you've somehow rationalized that this true love justifies stringing his mother along so you can have access to her son?"

"I'm not stringing her along," I insisted. "I love her almost as much as I love him, more than any woman I've ever known."

"Does she know about you and Matty?"

I hesitated, a lump in my throat. "She knows we love each other," I said, "but she thinks it's a parent-child thing. She has no idea about the rest." Before he could pass judgment on this dishonesty I quickly said, "I wish I could tell her, Chris, I really do. But if there's any chance that it would cost me Matty I can't let it happen. If feeling like a bastard for lying to this wonderful woman is the price I have to pay for Matty, then it's what I have to do."

"Man," Chris said, "this is six different kinds of fucked up."

"You've got to meet them," I said in sudden inspiration. "When you come to town you have to come over for dinner. You'll love them both, too, I swear to God, Chris."

"I'm sure I will," he said. "I know you, Adam, and you've got the best heart in the world. You wouldn't hurt either of these people on purpose."

"Thanks for saying that," I said. "Your opinion means a lot to me."

"Yeah," he said. "I love you too, Adam."

We spent a few minutes talking about the details of what days he was flying in and out, where he could park his rental car at the condo, how he would get the key and so forth, and when that petered out Chris suddenly asked, "So... How's the sex?"

I was taken aback.

"Excuse me?"

"With Matty," he said. "How's the sex?"

"I thought you disapproved."

"Not of the sex," he said. "I disapprove of my favorite cousin going to prison, but the sex itself sounds cool as shit."

"I'm... dumbfounded, Chris."

"Look, Cuz, I remember what it was like at that age, all that happy playtime with the boys. I totally believe Matty being into it because we were so fucking into it! If some handsome man like you came around when I was eleven and wanted to sex me up you bet your ass I'd have gone for it! Hell, I'm actually a little jealous of Matty, and I'm curious as hell, you know, exactly how it works between a grown man and a boy."

"Well, if you must pry..."

"Adam, we licked each other's assholes when we were ten. I don't think we have any secrets."

"That didn't happen until we were eleven," I corrected, chuckling.

"So sue me for a year. Now give with the details."

"It's fucking fantastic!" I said, secretly glad to to share my amazing good fortune with the one person I knew would understand. "My God, Chris, he's so beautiful! Wait until you see him. And he's smart and funny and loving and kind, and somehow he just knows exactly what will get me off perfectly. Oh! And he can cum, Chris! Eleven years old, not a hair on him and he has full-on, gut wrenching orgasms. There's no juice, but I can feel him straining to shoot it."

Chris brightened. "Like that friend of yours in seventh grade, what was his name?"

"Terry," I said. "The king of the dry cums. Only Matty has even more of them."

"Wow!" Chris exclaimed. "And the way you love to make a guy cum, that must be heaven for you."

"It is," I said. "He loves to make me cum, too. He sucks me like a champ and swallows every drop."

"Wow!" Chris exclaimed again. "How did you get him to do that?"

"It was his idea! I was explaining what cum is, and I happened to mention that guys really like it when you take it in your mouth, and a few days later he said he wanted to do that for me. Now he loves it! Says he loves knowing that it's in his stomach."

"Holy shit," Chris muttered. "I hesitate to even ask, but I've got to know. Does he bottom?"

"He loves that, too," I said. "And he's by far the best fuck I've ever had. Um, no offense, Chris."

"None taken."

"It was a bit of a problem the first time, because of the size, you know? We both got carried away and it actually hurt him pretty bad. But even in pain he said he was glad we did it, and he couldn't wait until we could try again. Then after about a week he wanted to do it again, and this time we kept our heads a lot better and it was fucking incredible."

"Sweet Jesus," Chris said. "No wonder you're walking this goddamn tightrope for him. I wouldn't, but then I'm not a card-carrying boy-lover like you."

I thought of protesting that I'm not a boy-lover, that I fall for the person and not the body, but then I checked myself. The truth is that I was in fact first attracted to Matty because he was a beautiful young boy. I like adults, but I don't go all googly-eyed over every one that I see, not even if they are especially attractive. But a boy, and to a lesser extent a girl, pretty much automatically gets a closer look, and I think my parameters of what constitutes "especially attractive" are quite a bit wider for kids than for adults. Take Jason for example, who is really quite average in looks but certainly got my attention, especially after my gaydar went off. The fact is an "average" boy is very attractive to me, so I guess it really does define me after all.

"So listen, Chris," I said. "I've got to pick Matty up at the Park District day-care program. He'll be waiting on the curb, so I have to get going."

"Yeah, sure, do the step-Dad thing," he said. "I'll let you go, but I can't wait to see you and to meet Matty and Susan."

"Touch base, OK? Flight times and all that."

"Sure will, Cuz," he said, the familiar smile back in his voice.

"I love you, Chris," I said.

"Me too, Adam," he said, and clicked off.

Matty was over the moon with excitement at the prospect of meeting Cousin Chris. For several days he insisted that I re-tell the stories of how we had been favorite cousins since toddler-hood and how that blossomed into sex partners the summer we were ten. The stories never failed to turn him on and make for a spectacular lovemaking session.

After one story about a five-boy orgy the year we were twelve, during which I waxed especially lurid and detailed as I recalled the intensity of the sex, Matty suddenly got a look like a cartoon character with a light bulb over his head.

"We need more boys!" he blurted. "You and me and Jason is great, but we need more!"

I looked at him with a teasing smile. "Sure. We can run right down to the Boy Store and pick some up."

"Ha ha," he said flatly. "You know what I mean. Jason and I have talked about a few guys from school that we think might want to do it."

"Are they close enough friends to invite over to the house, or maybe for swimming at the condo?"

"Sure. I haven't seen them since school let out for the summer but I can call them. Mom has all the phone numbers in that drawer in the kitchen."

Susan had volunteered to be part of the school's emergency telephone tree, to get the word out when school is closed for a snow day or whatever. One time it was because a pipe burst and flooded several classrooms.

(Remember phone trees? The school calls ten parents, then those ten each call ten, and so on until pretty soon the whole school knows about whatever's going on. Now they'd just put it on their website, or tweet it.)

"OK, then," I said. "But let's have a better plan this time than with Jason. We just got lucky with him."

"I know," Matty said. "In fact, Jason and I were thinking that maybe it would work better for the two of us to get things going, and then bring you in for the real fun."

I chuckled. "Well, that was phrased very delicately! Actually I happen to agree, that it will be much better if it's only boys. But you have to promise that you'll read their reactions and you'll back off if they're not into it, or not ready."

"I promise, Adam."

A few days later Matty asked me when I could get away from work and take four boys swimming.

"Hey, that was fast," I said. "Who are these boys? Have I met them?"

"One of them was at my birthday party," Matty said. "His name is Jeremy Gilman."

The accountant's kid, I thought. "I remember. Tall thin boy with black hair, right?"

"Yeah. Jason thinks he'll be amazing."

"What do you think?"

"I don't know," Matty said. "I kind of have a feeling about him, that he might like boys, but I'm not as sure as I was with Jason."

I saw the possibility, since he had hung back with Matty and Jason on the trampoline and had a lot of body contact as they jumped. "You'll have to be careful, keep reading him as you go. What about the other kid?"

"His name is Mike Edwards. He's a lot of fun," Matty said. "Real funny. He's the shortest boy in the whole class and kids kind of pick on him about it. They call him Mikey Mike and say he's in Kindergarten and stuff, and he hates it, but I don't do that because I like him a lot."

"Good for you. And what does your gaydar say about him?"

"I think maybe so. There's something in his eyes when he looks at boys, but not when he looks at girls."

"Nice," I said. "What about their parents? Won't they want to meet me before they hand over their kids?"

"Jeremy's Dad already met you, at my party, and Mike comes to the Park District every day like me. Maybe if you come early tomorrow we can wait until his Mom or Dad comes to get him and meet them then."

That sounded like a plan, and so that's what we did. I charmed little Mike and his mother both, and in five minutes we had a date to swim at my condo the very next day. They were amazingly alike, Mike and his Mom, both tiny and cute, both looking much younger than their years. The boy was at least two inches shorter than Matty, who was a bit on the small side himself, and though I couldn't gauge the Mom's height sitting in her car she was petite and narrow-shouldered, and her round face had the smooth, unlined look of a teenager. I wondered if the Dad was also a Munchkin.

When we got home I phoned Mrs. Gilman and told her about the plan to go swimming, and invited Jeremy along. She accepted instantly and seemed so happy about it I suspected it had as much to do with her getting a day off from schlepping back and forth to day care as about Jeremy getting to swim with friends. She suggested that Jeremy could walk the one block from home to Jason's house and we could pick him up there.

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Next time:

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