The contents of this story is purely fictional although based on real life happenings in my life. All names have been fictionalize to protect the innocent and not so innocent. The content matter of this story concerns love and sex between males both youth and adult if this is not what you like reading or it is illegal for you to read this material because of age or laws go somewhere else. This story is copyrighted by it's owner and may not be copied or published elsewhere without the owners permission.

Author's note:

Sorry to take so long for this chapter but there was so much more that I wanted to say about Leo that I wrote a spin-off story just for him call 'Leo'. It's in the high school section. Check I out if you want - Bastian.

Age and Time

After that John's entire letter turned out to be a simple wish you a happy birthday type letter which I let Leo read.

"You know you could have just let me read it and save yourself some pain," he laughed.

"Yes, but then I would have never found out how much you loved me, nor you find out that I've been in love with you since our first night together." I kissed him and he kissed back.

A year and a half later...

I'm in Fairbanks, Alaska now. I had to get away from Texas. Everybody just says that it's because I wanted to be in the largest state.

How did I get here of all places? It's a long story, which you are about to hear.

It's interesting even though our respective parent (Sylvia for Leo and Dad for me) knew about us neither said anything - I guess they had to figure out what to do about it. Leo and I kept a low profile as each of us had physical wounds to heal which we had inflicted on each other..

On Saturday Dad asked me to go to the store with him. I wondered why because since Sylvia had arrived they had always gone shopping together.

"Well, how about a hamburger and fries first?"

"Sure, Dad," I said.

We went to the Driftwood drive in and place our order.

"Seb, there's something I need to talk to you about."

"It's about Leo and me, right?" Dad nodded. "Dad, I think I am homosexual and Leo is too and we love each other."

"You two are very young…and I think you should wait before you ugh, have sex." My dad blushed.

"Dad, we've been having sex since the night I soloed."


I told dad about John and how much I love him, but he was a gentleman and other that that night in the hotel when I attacked him and he stopped me from going further and we had never done anything.

I don't know if dad was sad because of me being queer, but if he was he never let on. And a few months later he stood by me and helped me get over the worst part of my life…

After Dad's talk - he and Sylvia only asked us to be discreet about showing our affections. We promised that we would although there was times that it was very hard not kiss him or pat his butt or grabbed his cock, but we never broke the promise.

About a week after our big fight, Leo and I got into bed, we now locked our door, our wounds had healed. Leo started to jack me off. This time I took the lead. I French kissed him, it was the first time we French kissed each other, I loved it and his response showed me that he loved it too. I was so sexually excited that I almost came on the spot. For the longest time I wanted to suck his cock and this time I was not going to be stopped. I turned so that we were in a 69 position. I held his cock in my hand and looked at it for a moment and then kissed it and licked the head of it. I loved the feel of the head of his cock in my mouth sort of like a wet mushroom, slippery and yummy.

"Oh, God that's good" he said just before his mouth engulfed my rock hard cock. We both only lasted a few minutes before we started shooting hot cum down each other's throat. His cum didn't taste nasty, different but not bad. I could get use to it. We lay there in that position until or cocks were flaccid in each other's mouth. I turned back around and lay on his chest and looked into his eyes, which seemed to sparkle.

"I love you, Bastian."

We kissed.

"You are my life, and my love, Leo."

We fell asleep and did the same thing twice more that night. After the third time we were so exhausted we stayed in the 69 position.

I woke the next day with Leo going to town on my dick again. Leo has the most beautiful penis. It's circumcised; almost a long as mine (six and three-quarter inches) and just a tiny bit fuller, I can't say fatter because with the amount we exercise them they could never get fat. His ballsack was lickable and contained two large, juicy, oval balls…I love to watch them move and just before he cums they tighten up. That said I of course could not resist the temptation as I slide his penis into my mouth, rolling my tongue around the head and slowly began to pump away and suck on his precious member until we both came.

Well, that was then. I lived in bliss for almost three months. We were very discreet no one knew of our activities or of our love. We never held hands, kissed, butt slapped or grabbed each other or even hugged when others were around. But we always made up for our deprivation when we were alone. Sometimes we were like savage animals ravaging each other's body lustfully; other times we were so gentle, loving and caring of each other where sex was just way of expressing our love. Leo was the best part of my life.

Is this life a curse for so past evil deeds of some past life? I think so.

In May of last year I was in history class when the assistant principle came in to the class and asked to see me. I went out into the hall. He was very solemn.

"Sebastian, I-I, uh, I'm sorry to have to tell us this but your step-brother was in an accident and he's dead."

"Leo? No, Leo is in PE now. You have things wrong, Mr. Harper."

"Sebastian, it was an accident. He was playing hardball and got hit in the head by the ball. I'm sorry."


I guess I was in shock I wanted to cry, to scream out, but I couldn't.

"I'm going home," I said as I started walking away.

I managed somehow to keep it all together until after the funeral. When I view the body I bent down and kissed his lips. I didn't care who saw me. His lips were so cold and lifeless - I though it was like kissing an uncooked steak, but worse because at least an uncooked steak is moist. But I didn't cry. I told Dad I would be home later and I sat by the fresh grave in silence for a while a long while. I didn't want to leave him so I laid down beside the grave in my Sunday bests. The ground was cold like his buried body. I was alone and I began to sob. I felt that just like his life was over so was mine.

I was a mess when dad found me. I was bawling my eyes out like a three year old. The loss I was feeling was almost unbearable.

"Why Dad, why, why did he have to die. We were supposed to live our lives together…WHY!" I screamed. It was all so unfair. Dad didn't answer. He just held me in his arms and we both cried.

Returning to school was hard. People were kind, too kind. One day I was sitting by myself outside when Glenda Ashland came over to where I was sitting.

All she said was "Hi, Bastian."

"He like you a lot you know," I said after we'd sat in silence for a while.

"Yes, I know and I love him, but I always knew he love another more than me…and I can understand why. At first I was hurt and angry, but once I calmed down I looked to see why he love this other person more than me. And what I saw made me cry because what I saw was someone who was so caring, so kind, so much a part of him and his life. Bastian, he loved you with all his heart and I know you loved him too…I-"

I turned away from her as the tears began to gush down my cheeks uncontrollably. She scooted over close to me and held me like a mother with a crying child and I cried for ten minutes.

Finally, I got myself under control, "I'm sorry. You must think me real crybaby" She just leaned into me and gave me a gentle kiss.

It was funny we talked for the rest of the afternoon and no one bothered us, not one student or teacher.

Glenda and I became very good friends. I think if I could fall in love with a girl I'd like it to be her. We had sex once because she got horny as hell and wouldn't leave me alone. It was good, but nothing like Leo. With Glenda it was lust; Leo it was lust and love, always love.

Dick and Mary purposely kept me busy with CAP and working in their garden and it helped especially when I had periods of depression. There were no drugs or psychs just Dick and Mary and my Dad. Dad knew psychs weren't the answer cuz my mother had been to a psych who gave her lots of ECT and drugs and it never helped her. My mom told me once they were a bunch of quacks and charlatans.

Home life became unbearable Sylvia was always on my case - she seemed to resent me and she absolutely hated Glenda. I was, in her mind, the one that turned her son into a homosexual. She kept her arguments with me from my dad and so did I. Why? She was scared he'd throw her out and me I just figured if Dad liked her then why should I ruin his life cuz I was going off to college.

My brothers and sister refused to visit because she'd upset them. I stayed away from home most of the time. I had applied to the University of Alaska and Georgia Tech. Both had accepted me and so I chose Alaska. Not because it was the largest state or because it was furthest from Sylvia but because my mom had told me once she had a friend that said once the had gone to Alaska they never wanted to go anywhere else. It was like a utopia. Maybe if I went there things would change.

Change. Except when Leo and I were together I hated the way I was. Not just the homosexuality but also the fact that I always kept to myself. I never thought of myself as shy but I was fantastically shy with people I didn't know and I would rarely ever start a conversation with someone I didn't know. But when someone I didn't know would talk to me - it would be as if we had been buddies all our lives.

I went to CAP encampment and was a squadron commander. I had a pretty good time and made a new friend Richard Hernadez. Richard was a really cute guy of Mexican decent. He was one of my flight leaders and we got along really well. On the next to the last day we got into a shaving cream fight during the fight we managed to squirt shaving cream down each others pants and in the process of wrestling around we managed to get each others briefs down and sprayed each others private areas…he wasn't circumcised like me. I thought his penis looked neat. I wished I had never been circumcised. I think under different circumstances things could have developed between Richard and me. He was the subject of many fantasies.

When I arrived back home Dad told me that Sylvia and Tina were in California and that he would be inviting her back.

"Why, I thought you liked her?"

"I do, but I can always find myself another wife…I could never find myself five great kids like I have. Your brother and sisters said they wouldn't ever come home for a visit as long as she was here."

I think that was one of those rare occasions when my dad actually express himself and the way he felt about something or someone to me.

As unusual college didn't change me I was still pretty much a loner with very few friends. My roommate was a redheaded bigot. According to him his town and Alaska were the best place in the world - how narrow-minded. We tolerated each other.

I was glad when Christmas holidays arrived. 'Red' went home. Of course so did just about everyone else in fact I was the only student on my floor. The only way I had into Fairbanks was the bus and hitchhiking.

Lacking anything better to do and because I hadn't eaten all day I decided to go to town. It was seven p.m., not that one could tell because daylight had long since come and departed. Up in the sky you could watch the aurora borealis weaving itself across the sky in an unpredictable pattern. It was at least sixty below when I started walking. After an hour I was beginning to get worried as not a single car had passed me and I was beginning to have visions of frostbite and freezing to death. My feet were so cold they were hurting. I spotted a cabin a few hundred feet away and headed for it.

The lights were on so I knocked on the door. No answer. I pounded on the door. Still, no answer. I tried turning the doorknob…it opened and I walked in.

"Hello?" I said. No reply. "HELLO!" Again, no reply.

I took off my mukluks and socks and hung the socks to dry in front of the potbellied stove. I looked around the cabin; it had three bedrooms and a living room bathroom and kitchen - nothing great but it was warm and that was all that mattered to me.

I had not planned to fall asleep, but I did right in front of the stove. The next thing I knew someone was shaking me.

It was a man with a full beard with a bit of gray saying to me, "Excuse me, but what are you doing in my house?"

I looked at him for a second or two while I tried to figure out where I was - you know that feeling you have we you've been dead asleep and somebody wakes you up and you can't think and you have no idea what they are talking about? Then it hit me like bam! I jumped back and up.

"Oh, shit! I'm sorry. I, uh, was cold and I-I, uh knocked - I was cold walking from the university no one on road, I think, I'm sorry, very sorry. I just needed get warm." I was shivering almost uncontrollably and still half dazed and I had a hard time talking like my mouth was disconnected from my brain.

I grabbed my socks and my mukluks. I was still out of it, was planning on just walking out and putting my socks and mukluks on outdoors. I must have looked like an idiot. I turned to go to the door and four feet away from me was a boy who could have been Leo's twin.

The cold, the hunger, the shock of seeing Leo's twin was too much for me. I passed out. When I came to I was lying on the couch. This time when I came to I was looking at into a girl's face. She smiled.


"Hi," I replied, "Where am I? Oh, yeah I remember. What happened?"

"You passed out. Daddy's cooking dinner and Brett's helping him." I must have looked confused. "Brett's my brother and I'm Amy, Amy Kramer. We're having soup and grilled cheese sandwiches."

I sat up. "How old are you?"

"Eleven. I'll be twelve next week, December 26."

"Really? Well, I'll have to remember that! Where are my socks cuz I need to get going?"

"You aren't going anywhere, young man," I turned to see the bearded man. He smiled, "How long were you out there?"

"About an hour sir. I was hoping to get a ride."

"Why on Earth were you out walking on a night like this? Too dang cold!"

"Well, I missed lunch and dinner so I thought I catch a ride into town. Do you know where my mukluks are I need to get going?"

"Why? Everything is closed now except the bars and besides you're eating here." He turned to go back into the kitchen, "Hope you like grilled cheese sandwiches and soup, Sebastian!" He stopped turned back to face me, "I checked your wallet." He smiled a smile that was catching as a smile appeared on my face. "Come on let's eat."

I followed him to the kitchen with Amy close behind me.

Sitting at the table was Brett.

"Hi, I'm Brett, in case my lame brain sister didn't tell you," he giggled, "You really gave me a fright. You looked at me real funny and then you passed out!"

"It's cuz you're so ugly!" said his sister. He stuck his tongue out at her. She then did the same to him.

"I'm sorry about that - it's just for a second there you looked like somebody I knew. My mind must have been playing tricks on me. Anyway, call me Bastian," I smiled, "Only teachers call me Sebastian."

For the first time in months I really enjoyed myself. We just talked. They, well, mainly Brett seemed really interested in my life. They'd lived in Alaska for two years; the mom was in Seattle doing Christmas shopping. Mr. Kramer owned a TV sales and repair store. He had a cousin who had a dairy farm. Brett was 15; we had the same birthday, which meant that he would be sixteen on my birthday.

After the soup and grilled cheeses we all sat in the living room and talked about things in general when it was about ten o'clock I finally said, "Mr. Kramer, thank you very much for the food and hospitality, but I need to be getting back to the dorm."

"Must be neat staying in a dorm," said Brett.

"Well, personally, I'd much rather have my own room at home. As I said earlier, my roommate and I barely tolerate each other. I supposed if I had a roommate like you, Brett, then it would be pretty neat."

When we got to the university Brett again brought up the subject of the dorm, "It's really deserted up here. Your dorm must be practically empty."

"Yeah, I'm the only one on my floor. There's a few people on the second floor and other than that it's empty."

"Must be lonely for you."

"Yeah, I guess so. Why? You wanna keep me company?"

"Really! You wouldn't mind?"

"Not at all. I mean it's fine with me. If you want to and your Dad thinks it's okay."

"Hey Dad! Could I, please?" He begged.

Mr. Kramer laughed, "Sure, but don't you guys stay up all night talking and getting into trouble!"

We made our promises and left for my dorm at a run. I unlocked my dorm room door and we walked in.

"So, this is your side and this is your roommates side?"

"Uh-huh," I said as I stripped off my parka and hung it up then took his parka and hung it up. He sat down on my bed. "So, let me show you around," I said as I opened the door and flipped the lock button so it wouldn't lock on me when it closed.

"Restroom is in here," I said as I opened the door and went in and stood by a urinal, "I have to take a piss!" Then proceeded to unzip my pants.

"Yeah, me too!" he said and follow suit.

We stood there peeing and for the most part staring ahead although I stole a couple of glances and I saw him do the same. As I shook mine off I caught him looking at it and he went red in the face.

I smiled and said, "Caught ya!" then giggled. He went redder in the face. I laughed and said, "You are so cute when you get embarrassed. Don't worry l was looking at you too!"

"You were?"

"Yes, but come on I'll show you around."

I took him down to the activity center in the dorm - basically they had a TV, a couple of pool tables and ping-pong table, chess and checkers and a couple of card tables.

"It's close now cuz it's after ten. If you want we can come down tomorrow and shoot some pool or ping-pong."

"Yeah, that would be great!"

We went back up to the room. Well, there was much else we could do. I'll have to admit I was sort of attracted to him and as I had only gotten a glimpse of his dick I was anxious to see more, but I didn't want to do it in a manner that would seem to obvious. It had been months since I had had any sexual activity with anyone except myself and that was like not very often. I sensed he was wanting to see me naked as much as I was wanting to see him naked.

"Well, I'm going to take a shower. I've got a spare towel if you want to take one too." I took out a clean towel and tossed it to him. One thing I learned early on in selling - never ask a question you want answered 'yes' because they then have the chance to answer 'NO'.

"Okay," he said sort of reservedly.

I stripped off my shirt saying, "I usually undress here because inevitably I'll drop them on the floor and they get wet."

I wrapped the towel around me and looked at him. He was just sitting on the bed.

"What?" I asked.

"Are you queer?"

"What!?" I understood what he said.

"Are you queer?"

"What kind of question is that? I know you a few hours and you ask me if I'm queer." I was hurt because I knew the next few words out of his mouth would be and I was right.

"Well, I'm not and I didn't want you to think I was just because of what happened in the restroom."

"So you assume I am! You know what, fuck you!" I was pissed and hurt and disappointed. I went to take my shower.

I stood under the shower crying. Oh, how I missed Leo. My sobs were quickly becoming uncontrollable and soon I found myself curled up on the shower floor with the water pouring down on me. I was like that for an hour before I finally managed to walk back to my room.

I knew Brett was gone and he was.

I slept until nearly noon and only just made it to the cafeteria for food. Well, actually I didn't really eat a thing other that a piece of toast but I drank about half a pot of coffee. Alaska in the winter is a depressing place. Here it is 1pm and it's dark. It's always dark! I went back to my room there was not a lot to do. I got out my math book and tried to study but it was no use. I just kept thinking about Leo and how I missed him. I lay back down on my bed. Luckily, I fell asleep, but an hour later I was woken up by a knock at my door.

I opened the door to find Jim Kramer standing there.

"Yes," I said coldly, "what do you want?"

"I wanted to find out what happened last night between you and Brett."

I shrugged my shoulders, "I don't know. You should ask him because I left to take a shower when I got back he was gone," I said and started to close the door.

"Please, Bastian," he block me from closing the door, "He won't say anything, but he was really upset. Please I'm afraid he'll do something stupid…I've never seen him so depressed…Bastian. Did he…" his voice trailed off.

"Did he what?" I asked in a more friendly tone.

"Never mind…will you come and speak to him? He likes you and trusts you."

I don't know why I went but I guess I had to because deep inside me I was hoping he was like me. Maybe I just need to be a friend to somebody who needs a friend.

We drove in silence to their cabin. When we got there Jim took my parka and pointed to Brett's room. I walked to his door and knocked gently.


"Brett, it's me Bastian. I need to talk to you."

The door opened and I walked in and closed the door behind me.

I looked at his face he'd been crying. "You're queer, aren't you?" I said more than I asked in a hushed voice.

The tears rolled down his face and he nodded.

"Well, so am I," I said as I pulled him into a hug. Maybe it was the relief of being able to say it or to know that you weren't the only one in the boat. For me it had been that way with Leo.

I let him cry it out and finally we both lay down on his bed.

"Bastian, I'm so sorry about last night…Bastian, I don't want to be this way," he said softly.

"I don't either. Most of the time. But then there are times when it doesn't matter when I don't care that I'm queer and even sometimes when I'm thankful that I am. When you meet someone that you really love and who really loves you then it doesn't matter and you would want to be any other way."

"Have you ever loved another guy who loved you?"

"Yes, his name was Leo. He had an accident last year and died. It was very devastating to me. Last night I got angry because you reminded me of how lonely I am. I'm sorry too…" I smiled, "We missed out on a great night of sex!"

Brett giggled for the first time.

"You have a great smile," I said.

"You have a great smile too and the most beautiful lips I ever seen."

I moved forward and kissed him gently on his lips. It only lasted a few seconds, but then it formed the basis for the next kiss, which was more passionate.

"I want you so bad," I whispered, "but first things first. You need to tell your dad and when your mom gets back you have to tell her too."

"I can't. No. Bastian, I can't. They'll hate me!"

We talked about it for another fifteen minutes and finally we agreed to hold off telling his parents.

"Let's go join the rest of the world," I said and sat up on the bed.

"In a minute…" he said pulling me down onto the bed again then rolled over on top of me.

He looked at me, "First, I have some unfinished business," he all but whispered as our lips touched. His tongue plunged into my mouth and began play with my tongue. He sucked on my lips and his kisses move around to my ear where he began to wash them with his tongue. My whole body shivered with delight as we ground our hardened members into each other. It had been so long that I knew I would cum any second if I continued.

"Brett, I'm about to cum."

"Me too. Oh-oh!"

I could feel his penis shooting and that just brought me over the edge. "Oh God! Oh-oh-oh!" I held on to Brett, as my body seemed to convulse in pleasure for what seemed like at least two minutes.

"I love you, Bastian," he whispered in my ear.

I didn't reply. I liked Brett, but love…I don't know. It could have been just plain lust…but then again I didn't want to let go of him. At that moment I wanted his touch, his feel, his love. Brett had made me realize how lonely I was - how much I had slipped back into my shell, but could I ever love him like Leo. Could he ever make life for me as happy? Would I always be comparing him to Leo? I guess my reply was too long in coming.

"Bastian, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, we need to get up and clean ourselves up." He looked just a little hurt that I didn't say I loved him. I reached up stoked his cheek and ran my hand through his hair, "Please just give me a little time. Time to get to know you - time to get to love you"

Thanks to those who wrote. Well, whatcha think of this chapter? Want to still hear more? Yeah I know this section belongs in the College section, but I was a college student once. Comments welcomed - Sebastian