Date: Tue, 08 Nov 2005 08:19:11 +0100
From: A.K. <andrej@andrejkoymasky.com>
Subject: Alain's Diary - 02/14 (t+t+m adult-youth)

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ALAIN'S DIARY
by Andrej Koymasky (C) 2005
written on October 8th, 1990
translated by the author
English text kindly revised
by Dave

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USUAL DISCLAIMER

"ALAIN'S DIARY" is a gay story, with some parts
containing graphic scenes of sex between males. So, if in your land,
religion, family, opinion and so on this is not good for you, it will be
better not to read this story. But if you really want, or because YOU
don't care, or because you think you really want to read it, please be
my welcomed guest.

-----------------------------

Part 2


Monday, August 31st, 1971

Today, just after lunch, I went to the toilets. Nobody was there, so I
went, as usual, to the center, so if someone arrived he could not place
himself too far from me. After a short while, Philippe arrived and stood
nearby. He pulled it out and, instead of starting to piss, began to
caress himself while looking away from me. I couldn't resist the
temptation and turned my head a little to look better at it, so I saw it
becoming hard and rising little by little, throbbing. Then he slowly
started to jerk himself off! There, under my eyes! At that scene, I too
got a hard on. It could just be my idea, but Philippe really wanted me
to see he was jerking off. My head felt like fire. Yes, Philippe's tool
is beautiful. Then we heard somebody coming, so Philippe in haste put it
back in his trousers and went out at once. It was Mark. So, just taking
the time to give a fast glance at Mark's, I too left. When I passed in
front of Philippe, he continued to work without looking at me,
indifferent. I looked towards his fly but his soft overalls hid
everything. I could be wrong, but I think that Philippe did it on
purpose. Can he have noticed I like to look? And he likes to be looked
at too, as he really has a nice tool? Why was he jacking off right under
my eyes? Was he hoping I too would start to wank? But he was looking
away from me, so he could not even know if I was doing it. And why did
he hurriedly leave as he heard the door open? Could Philippe be a fag?
He really doesn't seem so; moreover he got married about a year ago. I
don't know, I don't understand.

And then, I ask myself, why do I like so much to look at dicks? And
looking at them, at times I also feel the desire to touch them?
Especially those of Thibaud and Philippe. Would I like them to touch
mine? I don't know, but I think I would. Just thinking of it, I have a
hard on now. Now I'll hit the sack and jack off, before sleeping.


Saturday, 11th of September, 1971

This morning was my last day at the factory. Everybody greeted me and
gave me their best wishes. Two different things happened, and I didn't
expect either of them!

The first is that around 10 o'clock, I go to the toilets and Michel is
already there. My usual sidelong glance at his dick, then Philippe
enters and puts himself between Michel and me. Then Michel leaves, and
Philippe, who had just pulled it out, started at once to jack himself
off but, instead of looking away like the last two or three times, he
looks at me and winks. I think I blushed and looked away. But he says in
a whisper I can look, it doesn't bother him, rather, and then he asks me
to jack off too. I didn't know what to do, I look again at his dick and
he moves a little towards me and tells me to touch it. I desired to do
so, but was too afraid. Then we hear a noise at the door, and I have
just the time to put mine back and leave in silence, and at the door I
meet Claude.

The second thing happened with Thibaud. When we bade each other goodbye,
just before it was time to go out, he took me behind some shelves in the
store room, and gave me a fine fountain pen, so, he says, I will
remember him each time I write. Then he says he regrets I am leaving,
and puts his hand on my fly, rubbing me a while, and tells me not to
forget that I had my first woman thanks to him.

I'm sure that to him that was just a friendly gesture, but it made a
huge impression on me, because while he pushed there with his palm and
rubbed, I was of course embarrassed, but I was also liking it a lot and
at once I got a hard on, and he, instead of pulling his hand away,
stroked me some more, even though he could feel it was rock hard. Then
he stopped. Nothing happened. But I still think how much I liked being
touched so. Am I a fag, by chance? I like looking at the other guys'
dicks. I feel the desire to touch them, and if one touches me, I like
it. I really don't understand shit. What am I? I really hope I am not,
because everybody mocks fags and gives them a hard time. But I don't
know who I can talk about that with, or how to understand what I am...
With that prostitute, it worked, anyway, even if she did everything. If
I could at least talk with somebody, to confide myself or to ask
advice... But - who?


Wednesday, 15/9/1971

School started again. I met all my old classmates and also Solange. She
is really a pretty girl. I would like having sex with her. It is not
that thinking about her I get a hard on, but I think it could be good.
And then I can check what side I'm on... No, anyway I really don't think
I am a fag. They are effeminate, and I'm not, not at all. I have to
start to study again with her, at her place, and once we are alone I
have to try. Seeing how she greeted me she must really like me, so I
think she will be game. Now that I have tried it with a woman, I feel
less embarrassed to try with her. I have to start to flirt a little with
her or something like that. We will see how it goes...

Everybody can see that mum is pregnant. Even if for the moment she seems
like if she just got fatter. Yesterday Aunt Jeanne popped around to see
us. As usual she brought us her horrible cookies and we, not to hurt
her, ate them. In my opinion this is a bad mistake - that way she is
convinced we like them and continues to bring them to us. Anyway, I
don't like Aunt Jeanne. She always has to tell everything about
everybody in all the dumb details, she is a real gossip. And I'm also
sure she embroiders facts, if not inventing them to make a sensation.
But she is mum's sister and we have to put up with her. As Babette says,
it could be a way to earn a place in heaven...


Monday 27/9/1971

Today something funny happened. For a few days I went again to study at
Solange's. This afternoon, I was at her place and at a certain point her
mother went out on some errands. It's the first time she left us alone;
who knows what made her change her mind. As soon as she left, I think
that this is the moment to try to flirt with Solange, but I don't know
how to start, what to do or to say.

So, while we are studying, my head was completely somewhere else, and
Solange noticed that and asks me what am I thinking. I say I'm thinking
nothing, and she says I'm really not very kind - I could say I was
thinking about her. I think I blushed, because she giggles, then tells
me that on the contrary she has been thinking about me for a while,
because she likes me and I really am her type. Like a stupid ass, I felt
even more embarrassed. Then Solange asks me if by chance she is my type.
I told her yes, that the truth was I was really thinking of her and how
much I liked her. She then said she didn't believe me, that I said that
just out of kindness. Then suddenly she changed her tone and told me
that the last summer she had a half crush on a young man.

I don't know if she said so because it really happened, or just to make
me become jealous, or possibly to show me that she is not an
inexperienced greenhorn. Because then she soon added that the young man
lost his head for her and that he wanted at all price to do certain
things with her. She said exactly "certain things", but it is evident
she meant he wanted to fuck. So I asked her if they did those things.
She answered, upset, that that is not a question to ask a girl. But it
was she who started this subject! Bah, can one understand girls!?

Then her mother came back so we started to seriously study again. But
when she accompanied me to the door, and I was almost going downstairs,
she whispered that yes, they did, not really everything but something...
And suddenly she closed the door and I remained there like a fool.

Anyway, I decided that tomorrow I will take her a little present. I have
to show her that I think and care for her. I don't know whether to give
her chocolates or flowers. No, not flowers, her mother will see them and
understand. Chocolates will be better, she can hide them. Should I also
put in a card? But what do you write, on these occasions? "For Solange,
with love". No, possibly too sentimental. I'll write just "For Solange".
Well, but it will have no meaning. Perhaps it is simpler not to add a
card.

Why does it have to be so complicated? Would it not be simpler to just
say you would like to do it, and ask the girl if she feels like it too?
She just says yes or no, and all is settled. She says yes, and you go to
bed together. She says no, and you look for another one. But girls are
so complicated that possibly they say no and instead they mean yes...

But why everything that concerns sex must be so complicated? Everybody
does it but nobody talks about it. For instance, I am sure that my
schoolmates, the boys, all jack off like me, but nobody ever talks about
it. Do girls jack off too? But how? Perhaps they slip a finger in there
and move it up and down? But a dick is lot bigger than a finger, and has
a completely different feel. No, possibly girls don't jack off...


Thursday, October 7th, '71

I'm making progress with Solange. Again today her mother went out for
fifteen minutes, and I took advantage of that time to caress Solange.
First I caressed her hand and she let me do it. So I became more daring
and caressed her neck, and she smiled me. I wanted to go down to touch
her tits, but I lacked courage. Also because she let me caress her, but
she didn't brush me, not even with a finger. But I told her that I like
her very much and she answered that she too likes me. She said that I am
one of the more handsome in our class, and that pleased me, even because
there are several handsome boys, for instance, Robert. Also when we do
P.E. or sports, I like looking at him, especially when we change
clothes. He has nice sound legs, a little more hairy than the rest of
us. And under his briefs you can see a nice basket. He must be the most
developed of us all. But I too am well developed, anyway. It's really a
pity they made the new personal boxes in the showers, because you can't
compare any more, you can't see each other naked. I would like to see
Robert naked, but also Gilbert and Michel. And then, also Benoit might
be not bad at all.

Benoit is funny, because if you see him dressed, he still has a childish
face. But if you see his body, it is already a manly body and that makes
an odd contrast. It seems like they were wrong putting together his body
and head. Anyway his briefs are less full than Robert's. And mine too.

Well, it seems that Solange prefers me to the others. But who knows, if
she could see us almost naked in the gym locker room, which she would
prefer? Possibly Robert. Anyway everybody knows that Robert is dating a
girl in the next class.


Friday, November 5th, 1971

I gave my first kiss to Solange, and also touched her breasts. Even if
just through her blouse, it felt weird. She has small ones and she
doesn't wear a bra yet. They seem made of rubber and are sort of
elastic. She put her hand on my ass and squeezed it a little, and I
liked it. She pulled me against her. Possibly she hoped she could feel
my hard thing. The problem is that it remained there quietly, at rest,
and I didn't want her to be aware of that, so I was pulling back. Then
we had to part in a hurry and to sit down, because we heard the front
door opening. At once Solange started to repeat aloud the lesson while
we were sitting each at our place on the opposite sides of the table.

I felt like laughing, but the fear that her mother would suspect
something, helped me to stay serious.

I know that Solange would like to have some heart shaped earrings and I
would like to buy them for her, it's just that I have no money. I've
used the little I had to buy her the chocolates. I can't ask for money
at home, and I don't know what to do. They are not expensive, but for me
it is just too much.


Sat. 12th Nov. '71

Today in the bus, on my way to school, I fingered a dick!

As always it was super-crowded and we all were so crushed we almost
couldn't breathe. I was hanging on to the strap with one hand, and with
the other I held my book bag. Somebody had to go out, so he pushed me
and so with the back of my hand holding the books, I felt something warm
and became aware that my hand was right between the legs of a young guy,
just at the height of his tool. So, as if they were pushing me again, I
pushed some more with the back of my hand and the heat was stronger, but
I couldn't detect anything yet. Then he pushed against me, as if
somebody was trying to pass at his back. And then I started to feel
something strong inside his trousers pushing against my wrist. I looked
in his eyes, and he was looking straight at me and right at that moment
when our eyes met, he makes his thing throb. I moved slightly my hand
brushing it, and he again makes it throb. I move my hand a while, then
stop. He makes his thing throb a while, then stops. We continued that
game a good while and each time it seemed bigger and harder. So I too
became really aroused. Then I thought that if I didn't have my bag in my
hand, I could turn my hand and feel it also with my palm. I would have
liked it, and for sure he would have let me do that... So I put the bag
on the floor between my legs, and put again my hand at my side, the palm
out. But now I had not the courage to touch him, to finger it. At a
shake of the bus, the young man again pushed against me, remaining
pressed against my side, so I just went a little up with my hand, and
clearly felt he was still hard. So, through the cloth of his trousers, I
almost took it between my fingers and felt it was of a good size, and he
made it throb several times. I liked it so much that I felt great heat
all over my body. I had to stop and change position, because I was
afraid if I continued, I could cum and wet my trousers, so much I was
excited. Then he went out before me and, going to the door, he managed
to pass in front of me and, waiting for the door to open, he fingered my
swollen fly. I looked around; nobody could see his hand... Before my
cock could fully resume its rest size, I was already entering my school!
Who knows if I'll meet him again?


Mon. 15th Nov. 1971

This afternoon, while we were studying, suddenly Solange put her hand on
my fly, under the table, and fingered it until she gave me a hard on. I
was madly scared, because her mother was at home, in the next room doing
something, but she could be back from one moment to the next. When she
felt it was hard, she whispered me that she would have liked to touch it
with nothing in between, that is without my pants or shorts in the way.
I think I blushed to the tips of my ears, because she giggled. Then
happily she stopped. Anyway I liked how she touched me and I would also
like it if she took it, bare, in her hand, but the fact is that lately
we're never alone long enough. Who knows if I will ever be able to make
love with Solange? I think she desires it at least as much as I do.


Sunday, December 5th 1971

Mum's belly has grown. She sure is pregnant. At times she feels bad she
feels queasy and has headaches and so forth. She is now in her seventh
month. Babette and me have to carry out the housework, because mum has
no strength and she needs a hand. Dad is in the mine this morning also,
because he asked to do also the Sunday shifts where they are paid more.
He has to be back around 1:30 p.m., so today we will have lunch later
than usual to eat all together. This afternoon our relatives will come
to see us. What a bore!

This morning at Mass the priest gave a less boring sermon than usual. He
told us about when he went to Rome and met the Pope, and about how
beautiful the Vatican is, and the ceremonies and so forth. He made me
daydream for a while. Yes, he was less boring than usual. Normally,
during his sermons, I think about my own thoughts.


Tuesday, Dec. 21st, 1971

Last days of school before Christmas vacation. Solange continues to
touch me there and to arouse me. I like it but, at the same time, am
somewhat ashamed. Moreover, she likes doing that until she feels I've
got a hard on, then stops. So almost always, as soon as I'm back home, I
have to shut myself in the toilet to jack off.

For a while now I do it in front of the mirror, as I like looking at it
while I beat it. It is almost as if I'm not doing it alone, but with
somebody. I know that would be silly, but in that way I enjoy it more.
Now I understand why Philippe at work asked me to jack off too. So on
these occasions I don't think of Solange, because she cannot jack off
with me, but of some of my class mates, like Robert. I really would like
to be able to see him naked. Who knows if he also jacks off? I think he
does. Yes, I would like to look at him while he is jacking off. Like
instead of the mirror he was there, in front of me, his trousers lowered
to his knees doing it! Or better, he to me and me to him.

Damn, I got a hard on again!

The day after tomorrow there is a party at Benoit's house, because it is
his birthday. Babette promised me to bake some cookies so I don't have
to go empty handed. She makes really good ones so I think Benoit will
like them. Solange will give him a new LP, but then she doesn't have
money problems.

Even if we stay late at the party, there is no problem, Didier will take
me home on his bike, as he lives beyond my village. Mum didn't want me
to stay late, but Dad gave me his permission. Since she is pregnant, she
worries about everything, is afraid about everything. Before she wasn't
so. Maybe it is normal that pregnant women change their character, who
knows?

Didier, my schoolmate, not my brother, is not a handsome boy, but he is
the most likable in my class - always cheerful and somewhat mad; no, not
mad crazy, but a lot of fun. In school he is not so good (doesn't like
much to study). On the other hand, the one who is a brain is Michel. He
really has such a big head. He is also a little nasty but possibly I
think so just because I envy him a little. In fact girls find him
attractive. Michel necks with Marie France. Both four-eyes, both skinny,
they really are well-matched. I think that if they made sex, you could
hear the rattle of their bones, and the clinking of their eyeglasses.


Thursday, December 23 rd, 1971

I'm writing by flashlight. I have to write about what happened at
Benoit's party. His parents were not at home, it was just us class
mates, as they left him the house free for the party and they went to
see some relatives in Roanne and slept there.

Benoit had three stereos - one in the living room, one in his bedroom
and one in his parent's bedroom. In the kitchen there was all the food
and drinks - sandwiches, pastry, beers, cokes, and so on. Whoever wanted
something had just to go there and help himself. Then you could go
around the apartment to listen to music, or to chat or to play games. In
the living room, some couples danced also. In his parents' bedroom there
were at least seven of us stretched on the double bed, chatting and
joking, including Benoit. In the corridor Robert was embracing Josiane,
and I had the feeling she was caressing his fly, but I didn't look
because it would have been stupid.

At a certain point Solange and I were alone in Benoit's room, sitting on
his bed, as Alain and Catherine went in the kitchen to prepare some
food. So she at once felt between my legs and asked me how he was. I
answered he was sleeping and she said she would wake him up. Then, as if
it was the most natural thing in this world, she proposed we lock
ourselves in the bathroom, as she wanted to pull him out, and look at
him and touch him. I looked at her astounded, and said no, because what
would it look like if the others saw us going together in there. And she
said "Silly boy! I thought about that..." The bathroom window opens on
the kitchen balcony. She would go in the bathroom and close herself
inside, then she would open the window, and I could jump inside, and
leave afterwards, climbing over the windowsill and nobody would be aware
of what we did. We just have to be quiet about it. I felt uncertain and
nervous, but when she asked me if I was a man or not, I said that it was
all right with me.

As I entered by the window, she closed it and at once started to
unbutton my trousers. I was half ashamed, half aroused - possibly also
by the danger, I don't know. She pulled my pants and shorts down so then
I raised her skirt and lowered her lace panties. So we touched each
other. I liked a lot feeling her hands on my free and hard dick and on
my balls. She says: "It's beautiful." So I tried to push it between her
legs. At first she seemed game, but when I tried to slip it inside, she
pushed me away and said no, because she wants to remain a virgin. I felt
like shit, as I was really turned on, more than that time with the
prostitute. But then she said that with that young man during her
holidays she made love, but in another way, so she was still virgin. I
asked her, pissed off, how. She said me to let her do it. First she
knelt in front of me and sucked it for a while - fucking hell, did I
like it! It was really a great sensation. When she felt it was really
hard, she stood up, turned her back to me and told me to slip it inside
her little ass.

I tried but couldn't get it inside, and it was even rather hurting. She
says: "It's a pity we don't have Vaseline, he used it and could enter me
smoothly..." But I liked so much pushing it against her tight and hot
little hole, feeling how it resisted me and palpitated. Meanwhile she
was teasing her slit with her finger, so now I know that also girls jack
off. After a while I was trying and pushing on her back hole, I came
without even entering her. She parted, cleaned herself with the toilet
paper, and tidied herself. When she saw I too had put back my trousers
and buttoned them, she asked me if I liked it. I was just able to nod
yes, and then she kissed me deep in my mouth, all her tongue inside me.
But I think it would have been lot better if I could slip it all inside
her. Then I left through the window, and she from the door so we joined
the others and nobody suspected nothing. But now I want to have sex even
more than before. It is so much better than doing it alone, with your
hand!


Wednesday, January 12th, 1972

At school everybody just talks about the Christmas presents they got, or
they show them each other. I received nothing. At home we don't have
money for presents. But I'm ashamed to tell that to my mates, so I made
like I received a nice pair of flannel pajamas, and an electric Phillips
razor with three heads. Nobody knows that instead I use Dad's old hand
razor. I just have to be careful not to cut myself now. Solange got a
lot of presents, because money is for sure not a problem at her house.

No, to tell the truth, I received a present - Babette, Corinne and
Didier made a drawing for me. Babette drew it with the pencil, Corinne
filled with color the most difficult parts and Didier the easiest. It
came out a somewhat messy thing, but I was pleased. And under it they
wrote: "To our dear big brother with affection and a lot of greetings
for a Merry Christmas" then their three signatures, if Didier's scrawl
can be called a signature.

I don't feel like writing more. I feel tired. That is, I would like to
write more, but I don't know what. I feel strange. Outside there is a
pale setting sun. I would like to sleep, but to sleep for days and days.
Also, because during the Christmas vacations I worked a lot to bring
home some money. I split the firewood for Monsieur Fauchon who sells it
for the wood stoves, and I delivered it. Just on Christmas day I stayed
home, and slept almost all day long.

Solange has some relatives at home, so for a while I can't study at her
place, and anyway it isn't possible, there is too much confusion. Now it
would be better if I studied, but I really don't feel like it.

Mum will deliver in about a month. How big she got! She's sick a lot. I
wonder if she was that sick when she was pregnant with us. I remember
when she was waiting for Didier, but I can't remember if she was sick or
not.

Didier, my friend, not my brother, always takes me home on his bike on
those days I don't go to Saint Etienne to study with Solange. It is
cold, but I can save the bus money and also a lot of time. I like riding
curled up behind him, holding him tight, and my arms around his waist.
At times I fancy lowering my hands and putting them between his legs, on
his fly. Of course I can't do that he would think I'm a fag or
something. My schoolmates, and especially Didier, often tell cruel jokes
about fags. Once one of them tried with Patrick and Fran¨ois while they
were going home, and they beat the shit out of him. At least, so they
say. Fran¨ois and Patrick are always together like two brothers. They
also dress almost the same. They are neighbors, so they always study
together at Patrick's. They are so inseparable that I think that the day
they have a girlfriend, they will have just one for the two of them.

-----------------------------

CONTINUES IN PART 3

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In my home page I've put some more of my stories. If someone wants to
read them, the URL is
http://andrejkoymasky.com
If you want to send me feed-back, or desire to help revising my English
translations, so that I can put on-line more of my  stories in English
please e-mail at
andrej@andrejkoymasky.com
---------------------------