Date: Mon, 14 Nov 2005 10:32:19 +0100
From: A.K. <andrej@andrejkoymasky.com>
Subject: Alain's Diary - 05/14 (t+t+m adult-youth)

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ALAIN'S DIARY
by Andrej Koymasky (C) 2005
written on October 8th, 1990
translated by the author
English text kindly revised
by Dave

-----------------------------

USUAL DISCLAIMER

"ALAIN'S DIARY" is a gay story, with some parts
containing graphic scenes of sex between males. So, if in your land,
religion, family, opinion and so on this is not good for you, it will be
better not to read this story. But if you really want, or because YOU
don't care, or because you think you really want to read it, please be
my welcomed guest.

-----------------------------

Part 5


9th of July 1972, Sunday

Thursday night, at last, Philippe let me fuck him. I liked it really,
really so much! Now I can understand why he was so insistent - it is
really great to screw an ass. At first, putting it inside him hurt the
tip of my dick a little as he is somewhat tight because he hasn't taken
anyone there in months. But then I slipped inside him and... Wow! What a
sensation! Hot and tight and... I can't even describe it properly, but I
really liked it and he was urging me to "Go on, Alain, fuck me harder,
make me feel all of it!" It was exciting hearing him saying so. To do a
sixty-nine is also good, but it isn't everything. I enjoyed this way
more than just in the mouth and if I hadn't cum soon, I would have kept
going all night!

Later, before sleeping, I asked, "Which do you like best, giving it or
getting it?" He answered. "Both. I like getting it, but I possibly
prefer giving it, especially to you - you're so fantastic. But I like
also giving head." I told him, "Having sex is great every way. I'm glad
you taught me this way too." "Didn't I tell you that you should trust
me?" he asked.

Friday night he took me twice and I took him once. Then again, Saturday
morning he fucked me in the ass before making me cum with his mouth. I'm
starting to get used to it and I like taking it more and more. For the
moment I'd rather put it in, but if it continues this way, I don't know
what I would like best - possibly both ways. It's better when he takes
me from the front, as I like seeing him on top, fucking me. I can see
how much he likes it. While with a sixty-nine two can do it at the same
time, it's a shame that two cannot put it and take it in the ass at the
same time. I think that would be the height of pleasure. Ah, I also
understood why two people sucking each other are called sixty-nine - 69;
the two digits are like two people lying on their side sucking each
other! Then, fucking in the ass, what number could that be? There are
not two suitable digits - 3 could be the ass, but the dick?

Yesterday afternoon, when he took me home on his motorbike, my mother
told him, "Philippe, I'm really glad you take such good care of Alain."
He answered at once, "It is my pleasure. Alain is always so available
that it is a real pleasure having him with me." I looked at him with
dark eyes, as I understood very well what he was referring to, but he
had an innocent expression and, of course, my mother didn't suspect at
all.

Babette is working as a part time maid all summer at the home of the
notary Rovere, so that she too brings home some money. It now seems that
Babette is flirting with the son of the local police chief. How she can
like that little fright, I really don't know. I liked the other boy
more, the baker's assistant - unless this one has hidden talents
(between his legs, I mean). It doesn't seem strange to me any more
thinking that Babette could do some things... On the contrary, it would
seem odd to me if she didn't - sex is too beautiful!

Dad went to the tavern with Bernard, his work mate who lives above the
pharmacist at the street corner. Mum grumbles a little, as she says that
Dad wastes his money on drink, but Dad told her to stop it, as he needs
to have some little fun, after he toils all day long like a mule. I
think that Dad is right, and I told Mum so. Even if the money I get
working went all to pay for his tavern visits, I would be happy. And
then, it is not that he spends so much money. Each time he orders a
glass of wine, and makes it last all evening. He never comes home drunk.
Dad is really a great man; I hope to become as good as he is.

But now I'll hit the bed. I'll jack off nicely thinking of Philippe, and
then I'll sleep.

15th of July, Saturday

Surprise, surprise! The day before yesterday Madeleine and Kurt came to
visit us, as they wanted to spend the 14th of July celebration here at
the village. Since we don't have so much room in the house, Mom put them
to sleep separated. That is, she took Corinne in her double bed and made
Madeleine sleep in the same room with Babette. Then she put Kurt to
sleep in my bed, with Didier, who she will also take in her double bed
when I'm back at home.

So, when I came home today in the afternoon, I met Kurt. He is really a
handsome guy, better than in the pictures, and he is likable. He
apologized for using my bed. As we were alone at that moment, I asked
him if he didn't regret not sleeping with his wife. He, with his funny
accent, said: "No, some facation from my woman doesn't harm!" Now Kurt
is playing with Didier and the twins. He is skilled with children.

July 16th, Sunday

Yesterday night, we were hitting the bed, and Kurt says: "I always sleep
naked. Bother this you?" I said, "No, please, with this temperature..."
and looked at him while he was undressing. He has a stouter body than
Philippe, but beautiful. He has a hint of hairs on his chest and a dick
worth respect, as big soft as mine is when it's hard. Then, stark naked,
he started to carefully fold all the clothes he had taken off, and he
was roaming about, in front of me, without any shame. I got a hard on
just looking at him and as I had just my briefs on me, it wasn't hidden
very well. He noticed it and said, smiling and pointing at it, "You
young and full of yen, ya?" I blushed and he said, "You not hafe a
girl?" My answer was, "No, not yet." He laughed and said, "Den you hafe
to satisfy mitt your hand, no?" and I said yes.

I felt tempted to try with him but I didn't dare. He slipped under the
sheet and bade me good night. I went to the toilet to jerk off. When I
went back to our bedroom, he was not yet sleeping; he looked at me and
said, "Now is better, right? He is no more up, but down." Then I ask
him, "You do it with your hand?" "Sure, sometimes." Then I asked him,
and I really don't know where I found the courage, "And you never do it
with friends?" He, "When I was a boy like you, or younger, yes, all boys
do it mitt friends, no? Den dey stop. You do it mitt friends?" "Sure,
sometimes." Then he, "Look for a girl, is better. You now hafe right age
to start mitt de girls." and then he stopped. Of course nothing
happened. I got in my bed and switched off the light, but I was thinking
that I really would like trying something with Kurt.

Then this morning I woke up and Kurt's sheet had slipped away and he was
hard, straight up like a flagpole. I moved nearer to look at it better.
I was gazing at him and I felt the desire to touch it, when he opened
his eyes and said, "He always vakes up before me!" and smiled. I then
said: "It's really something." And he, "Ya, Madeleine alvays says so.
She is very glutton with him." So I asked him, "Do you mean... she takes
it in her mouth?" and him, with the most natural air of this world: "Ya,
Madeleine very skilled doing things in bed." And while saying so, he put
his hand on it and caressed it. Then he sat up and said, "I go to toilet
doing myself mitt hand." I said, "If you want, you can do it here. It
won't bother me." "Hell, I am no more a kid. Dese tings are not done in
front of others -- but alone or mitt my vife." He slipped on a bathrobe
and went to the toilet.

It's a pity; I would have liked doing something with Kurt. Even just to
jack off together. Or possibly give him head. Who knows why he says that
just kids do it? Philippe is for sure not a kid. He is more or less the
same age as Kurt, and with me, he does a lot more than just jacking off!
But possibly in Germany it is different than in France.

18th Jul. 1972 - Tue.

Yesterday the boss told me to help Thibaud all morning long. Since I
like him, I went willingly. We are working and he says, "Did you go to
the whores again?" "No, never." "Did you get a girl friend?" "No," I
say. "Then what do you do, you just jack off?" I tell him a lie and say,
"Normally yes, of course. But once I put it in a boy's ass." "A faggot?"
"No, what does that matter?" "Only faggots take it up their asses, and
enjoy it," he says then asks, "Would you ever take it in your ass?"
Blushing, I answer, "No, what nonsense!" And he, "No shit, because you
are not a fag. Only faggots like getting fucked and giving head... I'd
never ever suck a cock, I'd rather die. But I did have a fag give me
head, once, at the beach. God, was he good at it, even better than some
women."

I felt terrible. So, according to him, Philippe and I are queer!

I said, "But faggots are feminine, aren't they? They talk and move like
women." And he, "No way, Alain, not all of them, some of them you'd
never guess what they are. Some, to look at them, are even manlier than
me or you. But in bed they like taking it any way. Did you ever meet a
fag?" and I, "No, never. Possibly that one that I fucked, but I don't
know." And he, "Well... for me, besides that one on the shore, there
were a couple of faggots that wanted to be fucked by me when I was in
the army." "Did you go for it?" "Sure, each time they gave me money. You
know, when you are a soldier, it is good having some money in your
pocket, and also so you don't waste so much money to get your rocks off
with hookers. Almost all the soldiers are game to fuck a faggot, for
money or just to get off for free." "But how can you tell a fag, if they
don't act like women?" "Dumb-ass, you go to parks at night or to the
train station even in daytime, and you'll see it's crowded with faggots.
You just pull it out and pretend to take a leak, and you stand there
long enough and they come like bees to honey. If the guy is not too old
or too ugly or too weird, then you just wait for him to offer you a
blowjob - and you sneak into a stall and let him. If you don't like the
guy, you just leave - and he gets the picture."

The thought that Philippe and I could both be like that, makes me feel
strange, almost ill. I ask, "But fags don't get married - they don't
have kids - and they have small dicks, don't they?" He laughs out loud,
"God, are you naive. What bullshit! There are plenty of them who are
married and have children, and plenty with thicker, longer dicks than
mine or yours!" "Oh yeah, how do you know?" "One of the ones I fucked
when I was a soldier had three little children and a son your age. And
the one who sucked me at the beach, had a big tool like a donkey's -
something any man would envy."

I felt more and more confused.

In the afternoon, as soon as I was alone with Philippe, I told him what
Thibaud had said, and he said, "We'll talk about that at home. Things
are too busy here now." I hoped that he would set the matter straight
and help me understand how wrong Thibaud was... My thoughts were all
over the place.

Then, when we got home, we resumed that subject and Philippe told me,
"Yes, it is true that two males having sex together - taking it in their
mouths and asses - are faggots."  And I, my eyes bulging, asked "But
we... are we?" "Well of course, you fool; we are two fucking, fucked
faggots!" I was startled, "But you are married!" "Of course, one cannot
go around telling people he's gay. If he gets married, the others don't
think he can prefer men." "But you told me that you were not a fag, and
that I wasn't either!" I said, angrily. He laughed, "Sure, or you
wouldn't have come with me. You were too worried about being one. But if
you really weren't a fag like me, you'd never have taken it in your
mouth and, even dead, not in your ass. Yes or no?"

I felt like shit. Then he said, "Hey, look, it's no tragedy! Everybody
likes to have sex in his own way, and its right to do so." "But the
fags... everybody makes fun of them." "Me, nobody makes fun of me.
Nobody knows, do they? As for you, nobody pokes fun at you, do they?"

But last night when he wanted to have sex with me, I said no and went
straight to sleep. Nothing could have turned me on, I felt so bad. Then
this morning he woke me up sucking my hard cock so, before going to
work, we had sex again together. Then he said, "See how good it is? Why
are you making such a fuss, Alain?" "Because I don't like the thought of
not being normal. I hate it." "But who tells you aren't normal? I feel
I'm the most normal man in the world." "Yeah, because nobody else knows
what you do in bed." "What we do in bed is just our fucking business!
Does your father tell you what he does in bed with your mother? No."
"But they are a man and a woman, not two males!" "And so what? We are
both males, both handsome males. And we like to enjoy things between
ourselves. Look, I'm a man who has a woman and can make the comparison,
and I'm telling it is a hundred times better with you, a male, than with
her."

Then today, during the lunch break, I asked Thibaud, "Tonight, if you're
not doing anything, will you take me to the whorehouse with you?" "You
are turned on, boy?" "Yes, and I want one good at it, the more skilled
the better." "All right, stallion. There is a Spanish whore who is out
of this world, and if she isn't taken, we will get her for you. Her name
is Estella and she has boobs like melons!"

So, after work, I told Philippe, "I'm going out with Thibaud. I'll be
back for supper." And he replied, "All right, I'll wait for you."

So I went with Thibaud. He asked about Estella, and then turned to me,
"She is like dynamite. What do you think; you want both of us to fuck
her together?" And I, "I'd rather be alone." And he, "Come on, it's more
fun with the two of us - it is on me, of course." And without giving me
time to answer, he says to the Madame, "A double with Estella, me and my
friend." So all three of us ended up in the bedroom. I couldn't get a
hard on and was ashamed. But Estella started giving me head and Thibaud
shoved it in her ass, right there in front of me.  After a little while
in the Spanish woman's mouth and watching Thibaud pumping her ass, my
dick started getting hard. Thibaud noticed, "Let's swap. You come back
here and take her ass while I fuck her mouth." So I put it in her
backside. It was a smooth entry, without needing creams and almost
without pushing. While we both were fucking her, Thibaud put his hands
on my butt and pulled me strongly and I, responding to his hands on my
ass, came like a cannon.

Then we left. I went back to Philippe's. I can't understand anything
more. Yes, it is true; I had an orgasm with a woman, but in her ass. And
then, when Thibaud touched my ass. That was the moment. I was excited
looking at Thibaud, stark naked and aroused (he has a really fantastic
dick when he is turned on), while looking at her naked body almost
annoyed me.

I'm afraid I'm really a faggot.

During supper Philippe asked me what was up, but I didn't feel like
talking about it with him. If he is a faggot, of course he would try to
persuade me that I am one, too, like he is. Fucking hell, who can I talk
to, then?

Philippe wanted to have sex but I didn't, so I went to sleep on the
couch, not in his double bed, because if I had, he would have tried. He
was pissed off and shouted at me that if that's what I want, I can just
go back to my own house. I'm really sorry I made him pissed off; I'm not
upset with him. Or possibly I am, a little.

August 4th, 1972, Friday

All these days I didn't write any more here in my diary, as I was too
confused. But yesterday evening I went to see the doctor and asked him
to examine me there, because I feared things were not all right. He
examined me thoroughly and at the end told me, "You are completely all
right, my boy! Really, everything is all right. I don't see what could
have made you worry!"

Then I - I don't know where I found the courage - blurted out, "Then why
am I turned on by men and not by women?" After a moment, he said
quietly, "It happens. Some people like their own gender. It's not an
illness, there is nothing wrong. It is a natural thing; each one is made
in a different way, in his own way. We are not all the same. That a male
has sex with a male has happened since time immemorial, in all cultures,
in all corners of the world, and even between some of the more evolved
animals. If that's the problem, there's nothing wrong." And I, "But
faggots are miserable people and I don't want to be a fag!"

"And who tells you they are miserable? Just because ignorant people say
so? Kings, poets, leaders, artists were homosexual throughout history
and many are so today. Each one is as he is, and this is right and good,
my boy. We are not all the same, are we? Somebody likes just men, some
both men and women, and some just women. And there are those who don't
like sex at all. There is something there for all tastes, and that is
what's good about life, that we are not all made from the same mold."

I responded, "All right, but if for instance your son was gay, would you
tell him this same stuff?" "Certainly! I'd have to. It's scientific
fact. If he discovered a taste for his own gender, I'd tell him just be
careful not to let it be known around, because people are mean. But live
your life serenely. Try to find the right boyfriend, and be happy!
That's what I'd tell him."

Back at Philippe's home, I told him everything, and he, after all those
days we had moped at each other and he was near sending me back home for
good, started to laugh. "Didn't I tell you just the same things?" And I
nod yes and then he says: "Come on, come to bed, it seems like a century
I've had to jack off alone - because you are so weird!" I wasn't ready,
"Just wait some more, Philippe, please, if you really are my friend. I
still feel too weird. I can't get used to being a fag just like that."
He, "We can get used to anything, believe me, but it's all right. If you
don't feel like it, I'll hold out some more. But come to bed with me,
anyway."

Then, in the darkness, in bed, we talk some more, and he starts touching
me and at first I say "No, please." But then I get turned on, so finally
we had sex together again. During and afterwards, I was saying to myself
"Shit, I like it. Why shouldn't I do it? Who gives a damn? I am a
faggot. So what?" But I still felt strange about it.

6th of August '72, Sunday

Two days at home and I have thought everything over. My family treats me
exactly like before, and I am always me. Then I read this entire diary
straight through and told myself: fucking shit, how could you not have
seen it earlier? It was all written here, I always liked males, dicks,
asses. And Solange has been just a mistake, a veering off-course. I
flirted with her just because everybody seemed to have a girl, not
because I really liked her. Anyway, after all, Solange is the least
feminine of all our girl mates. She even looks more like a kid than a
girl, with her small breasts, short hair and so forth and that's why I
could imagine I was interested in her. After all, I just have to talk
about girls with my pals, and then do it with a nice guy. I know it
won't always be easy to find somebody game for it. For now, I have
Philippe, who is really a great looking male and also good in bed.

Who knows why one is born to be a fag and another one not? Or does one
become a fag? If it's so, when did I? Now, thinking about it, it seems
to me that I have always been that way. I have to ask Philippe how long
he has known about himself, - if he always was so or if he became so.
The doctor told me that one in ten is a homosexual and that of the
remaining nine; at least six more would be ready to do it both with men
or women, in the right conditions. Like Thibaud, for instance. That
leaves just three of the ten or even less does it exclusively with
women. Then, I ask myself, where are all those gays, or bisexuals?
Thibaud, in spite of everything, must be at least bisexual. I would
really like trying it with him, but seeing how he thinks on this matter,
I'm afraid if I try he'll put me down. There is Robert, who according to
Didier, is like me. I would like trying it with him. When school
resumes, I think that in one way or another, I will really try with him.
Even if it is easier saying it than doing it, also because, if what
Didier told me was not true, then I would be at risk because if he says
anything to our friends, the damage will be done. But, if it's true, I
really would like to have sex with Robert.

9th of August 72 Wednesday

Now that I know what I am, I always look at the handsome guys
differently - I look between their legs to see if I can get a hint of
what's there, and I imagine them naked and think "I would like to do it
with this one" or "No, not with that one!" Or else, "Who knows if he is
that one in ten, or six in ten?"

Anyway with Philippe it is really great fun. Now, when he slips it
inside my ass it almost never hurts any more, instead, his pumping up
and down inside gives me a lot of pleasure. Or back and forth, like
Monday evening when we did it standing in front of his closet's wide
mirror. I liked it. I was good looking at us, it was like looking at two
other people fucking, like in a movie, and instead it was him and me.
Exciting! Hot! I also like slipping inside his hole and fucking him - he
makes his hot channel palpitate and it is almost as if he is fingering
it while I'm moving inside him.

On the 12th, Philippe will start his summer holidays. He says he will
give me his house keys, so I can keep sleeping in Saint Etienne and not
be forced to go back every day to my village. He will be back on August
23rd; he is going to his wife and family at the beach, so I remain
alone. Since his wife will be back on September 15th, we will have three
weeks more to fuck. I asked him: "Will you fuck with your wife?" "Ah, at
least two, three times, I must do it." "But do you like it?" "It doesn't
annoy me. But I prefer you, you know it." "Possibly, there, you can find
some nice boy to fuck with..." "Uh, possibly." he answers. "Instead, I
have to be here, and jack off alone," I said, and he laughed.

13th of August 1972 Sunday

Philippe left yesterday. And Thibaud is to come back next Tuesday. I'm
tempted to try it with him. I would really like doing it with Thibaud,
even if he would just make me suck it and then fuck my ass, and would
never suck me or let me fuck him. It's a shame that Thibaud is like
that. Just thinking about doing it with him, my dick is hard as a rock.
Even if he were just to fuck me, I would be happy. His dick is a little
smaller that Philippe's but longer, so he would not even hurt me. First
I'll suck it thoroughly, making it go down to my throat, then I'll ask
him to thrust all of it inside my hot hole and screw me like

-----------------

Damn! I got come all over myself! Now it will be better to hit the bed.
Good night.

August 15th 72 Wednesday

Thibaud is back. I haven't yet dared to try anything with him. When we
are alone and I could, I start trembling all over and think: "Now I'll
ask him, now I'll..." but not a word comes out of me. Who knows if it
would be easier with a girl? I don't think so. So the day passed and I
said nothing. Now I am at Philippe's house. I think I will eat something
then go to the movies. There is a movie with De Funes that I rather
like.

August 21st 1972 Monday.

At last I managed to say something to Thibaud, but it didn't work the
way I hoped.

That is, I finally told him, "You know, Thibaud, I was thinking about
what you told me about doing things with fags..." And he, calmly, "Yes,
I did that a few times." "I, see, I became curious, you know. I really
have no idea what it could be like, and..." "You would like to try it,"
he says as if it was the most natural thing in this world. "Possibly...
yes. But did you like it?" "I did, but not really like with women. On
the other hand, there's one thing they are really skilled at - giving
head." "Well, then... I would like to try, just once," I say and already
I am starting to shake. My heart is in my mouth and I hope he will say
"If you want to try with me..." Instead he says, "OK, why not!" and
that's that. I then ask him: "So, how can I try it? Where can I find
somebody who is game?" And he said, "There down by the freight-yard,
after supper, amongst the bushes behind the dead-end tracks. Down there,
there is always some fag just waiting for sex."

I was disappointed. I had really hoped he would propose I try it with
him. "But I'll be ashamed. And then, how can I recognize them?" I ask.
He says, "If you go there and wait in the dark, sooner or later one will
show up. If you are interested, you pull it out and, if he is
interested, he will do you a nice little favor. If you don't like him,
you just move elsewhere." Astounded I ask: "In the dark?" "Yes, there is
very scanty light, but enough to see and to make a choice." "You've
already been there, Thibaud? Do you have to pay them?" "No, never. But
everybody knows that that's where the fags gather, and that they do it
for free." "But isn't it dangerous?" "Dangerous? Why?" "I think I would
be scared going there at night time, alone."  "Well, if not there, I
really don't know where you can go. At the station, in the day time, it
is really dangerous," he says. So I ask him: "Hey, Thibaud, you took me
to the whorehouse for my first time. Would you take me to the
freight-yard, too, for another first?" He starts to chuckle, but he
says: "What the hell, why not? Getting a little head for free, harms
nobody, right?" And so I say: "And if that guy gives you his ass, will
you fuck him?" "If he is young and clean and handsome... eventually
yes."  "Take me there, then. I want to go."

So, we settled it. Tonight he can't, but we will go tomorrow evening.
Well, it's better than nothing. I really hoped I could do it with him,
but I didn't dare to ask him straight away. The idea of doing it with me
didn't even enter his head. Probably because he is convinced I am not a
fag. Anyway, tomorrow evening I'll try it with somebody. The day after
tomorrow Philippe comes back and so anyway this period of solitary
jacking off will be over. Hot damn!

-----------------------------

CONTINUES IN PART 6

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In my home page I've put some more of my stories. If someone wants to
read them, the URL is
http://andrejkoymasky.com
If you want to send me feed-back, or desire to help revising my English
translations, so that I can put on-line more of my  stories in English
please e-mail at
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---------------------------