Date: Sat, 12 Aug 2023 16:02:09 -0400 From: Eric Murphey Subject: Almost Heaven Part 2 adult gay youth Almost Heaven Part 2 From the Loonyness that is Eric Murphey I open the door and Gabe is standing there with Colton. They walk in and Gabe says softly to him. "Now this is the special place and the special man I told you about. Here you will be safe." Colton gives a very small nod. Gabe guides him in and sits with him on the couch. Colton is dressed in nothing but tighty whiteys that just aren't very tight or even very white. I don't understand that because it seems his family is affluent. But I also don't understand the bruises I see that cover most of his body. The parts that would be covered by clothes anyway. His abuser was smart enough not to leave easily visible marks. I go to the IGM and type in hot cocoa like a happy grandma would make. A moment later a steaming cup of cocoa appears I pull it out and see the mini marshmallows on top looking slightly melty already. I carry it over and hand it to him. He looks at me a moment before he takes it. He looks so adorable as he takes a tentative sip. His eyes looking down into the cup. He looks angelic at this moment. He takes a sip and then another. He carefully puts it on a coaster on the coffee table. His legs look so thin. For that matter his entire being looks so thin and frail. "Colton as I explained to you this man is special. His name is Micah and he is going to take care of you for a while. I'm going to visit from time to time. You may or may not have others visit or even stay. But for the most part it will be just you and Micah. Hes a good man and you will learn to love him. What you will find is he already loves you." Colton looks at me with those eyes. I nearly melt. I see though a look of disbelief with a trace of hope I believe. "I would stay and visit but I think its best if I leave you two to get to know each other. So Ill be off." he snaps his fingers and hes gone. I wonder if he actually has to snap his fingers or if he just does it to signify he leaving. HM You would think I'm surprised by this. But I'm enjoying my apparent delusion. Because this cant be real? Now I haven't said a word nor has he. I just look at him and he at me. I suppose we are appraising each other. Him if he can trust me and me of what I can do to help this boy. "Are you hungry?" He slowly shakes his head no. He leans forward and takes a sip of the cocoa. "Is it good?" He looks up from the mug a little foam on his lip and gives a slight nod. Those blue eyes staring at me. One thing I do know is that if I need something it will be where I look for it at. "You must be sore let me get a couple pain tablets and some salve to make it so you don't hurt so much." He puts the mug down and makes no acknowledgment of what I said. I get up and go tot a cabinet and open it and pull out pain tablets and the tube of salve. I get a glass of water and take it to him. "Here take these two tablets then I will put salve on your bruises." He gives me a look of worry. "I will be nice. I promise." I can tell he still doesn't believe me. But I can see that he wants to. I don't think he has had anyone in his life to love him. To care about him. I don't understand the world. Gabe is right mankind is stupid. He takes the tablets and drinks the water down. I have him lay on his tummy on the couch and carefully rub in the salve. As I'm nearing completion he yawns. At first when I started rubbing in the salve he was tight and nervous. I imagine with his life I would have felt that way too. Being in a strange place with a strange man. Brought here by a boy you never met before. But living in the misery he was in. Anything seemed better. "You tired buddy?" A slight nod is the answer. "Have you had your bath tonight?" Another nod. "Good. Lets get you to bed then." I pick him up and he is tense in my arms. I know I need to get him used to being held and touched, and mostly loved. I carry him to a door that's next to my bedroom. "My bedroom is here. Yours is going to be here." I open the door and its a nice sized room. About three times the size of his previous one. It has a full sized bed with a soft blue comforter on it. I pull back the edge and slide him in. I cover him up and he is looking at me with those big blue eyes. His fingers folded over the edge of the covers. "We are going to get along just fine. You wait and see." I tell him and gently touch his cheek. He blinks a few times. "If you get scared or need anything I'm right next door. Do not hesitate to come in there and get me. Sleep well buddy. I will see you in the morning." I take my hand from his soft cheek bend down and kiss his forehead. His response is to roll on his side and close his eyes. I head to bed and its morning before I know it. I like this place a lot. I sleep so well. A nice soft bed. A place I don't have to worry if I'm going to be hungry that night. Or how hungry? I head and take care of my morning needs. The thing about here and there is its the same. But I think its how God actually meant for earth to be. I go and see that Colton is sitting on the couch just staring at the TV. Its not even on. "Good morning buddy." I say to him with a smile in my voice."I'm thinking pancakes and sausage today for breakfast. What do you think?" I ask as I plop down next to him. He looks at me with those eyes. They are filled with sorrow I tell you. I want them to be filled with joy and merriment not the sadness. "So you like pancakes?" He gives a slight nod. "Cool. I was thinking you and me buddy. We are going to be together for a while." I throw my arm over his shoulder and feel him stiffen. I don't let it bother me and pull him closer to me. "See the thing is that we are going to be here by ourselves most of the time. So one thing is I'm thinking is your life before was......."I look at him and hes kind of looking up at me with his head back the minimum amount to see me. "Not so great. So everything needs to change. From now on I'm not calling you Colton. Your new name is Colt. Because you are strong like one." I see a little smile on his face. So I'm going to keep going, laying on the praise. "I mean shoot to survive your life it takes strength. I know what you had to do and endure. So no more Colton. You are Colt. Also about this barely shaking your head in answering me. Thats silly. Be strong in your decisions. I know that talking is hard right now because you are getting to know me and are still scared of me. Probably a lot scared. But I haven't hurt you yet and you know we are alone. So that should earn me a bit of trust. Now come on you lets get you dressed. Because you are going to help me make breakfast and I don't want sausage popping and burning your little body." I get up and snatch him up with me. He doesn't weigh hardly anything. Maybe 50 pounds. I flip him over my shoulder. "Yep carrying my new buddy Colt like a sack a taters." I chuckle out. Not sure but he may have laughed a little. We get to his room and like everything else I know it will be there when I need it. This is truly amazing to me. I plop him on his bed and smile at him as he lands. I think I see a little excitement in his eyes. Hes so adorable. "Alright I'm thinking a hike today. So we are going to need some undies. I'm guessing you prefer the tighty whities?" He shakes his head. "Boxers briefs then?" A quick nod. But a definite one. "You are doing so good buddy. I'm proud of you." I open a drawer and its filled with underwear I'm sure perfectly fit for him and I take out a pair. I stand him up pull off his old ones and put on the new ones. I look at him and he is watching me. I pat him on the butt. "These are Colts underwear. Colton wore briefs. Colt wears boxer briefs like big strong boys wear." He squints his eyes and nods. "Alright we need socks. Probably should get thick socks since we are going to hike and see some of the woods." I open the next drawer and socks. This place is amazing I keep thinking. I sit him on the bed and then put on his socks for him. "Alright so since we are hiking I'm thinking gym shorts would be wrong. So like cargo shorts you think?" He ponders it a moment and nods. "I think it will be better if we get into stickers or thorns to have the thicker material. Though I'm not sure that we have them here. I've only been here a few hours more than you. I came in the morning and you in the evening. Both chosen by Gabe and well you know." I look skyward. "I feel kind of guilty he thinks so much of me that I can help you. That is a pretty amazing feeling to me. Not to mention you should feel pretty dog gone good He chose you to be helped too. So that's pretty awesome." I grab shorts from the next drawer. There are several kinds in there. Cool I think. "Better get a belt too."I tell him and open a little drawer and pull one out. I go to him and put on his shorts and the belt I cinch it tight but not too tight. "Alright now a shirt. I'm thinking a t-shirt with a fun character on it." He shrugs this time. I guess a shirt is a shirt is a shirt. I pull one out and its got a picture of Tom and Jerry on it. "Cool this was my favorite when I was little." He lifts his arms and I slide the shirt on for him and he adjusts it as I get it on him. He looks at the picture. "Cool I think. Now some boots I'm thinking. I open the closet and see several different kinds of shoes, boots and sandals. I grab a pair of hiking boots and I bend the toes up and Ill be they are already broken in. I walk over and slip them on his feet. "They are already broken in. This place is Almost Heaven." I tell him. "Now the reason I dressed you today is for a few reasons. The first is that I want you to know that I am here for you and will help you any way I can. That I can and will do things for you. Because I want to. I know that you will do things for me too. I want it because you want to do it. Not because you feel you have to do it. Some things I'm going to insist you do. But nothing that's bad. Like I will insist you eat your veggies. Because you are a growing boy and need them. But I wont force you to do something that will hurt you." I hug him and he goes tight but I feel him loosen a little. I pull back and kiss his cheek. "You ready to eat?" "Shamallah." he says and I can barely hear him. "What buddy?" "You said its almost heaven. I think we should call it Shamallah." he says not as softly. But I certainly had to pay attention. "Absolutely brilliant idea." I say grinning. "Do you want to know why." I sit next to him on the bed and look at him place my hand on his shoulder. "I want nothing else right now." Then I run my hand down his arm and pull it back to me. "I thought that the place is a secret cuz I never heard of it before. So that's the Sh part." "That makes great sense because I never heard of it before either." I tell him while I nod. "Then the place is AMazing so the am part. Then I think Allah means God so then its like sh an amazing god place. So Shamallah." I grin at him. "I think you are amazing. I would have never come up with something so clever. I would have called it something like. I don't know Almost Heaven. What a stupid name that is." "It fits too." "No not like Shamallah. We will have to make a sign for the door and the gate. So if we have a visitor they will know where they are. You young man will help me." I snatch him up again. Throw him over my shoulder and gallop into the kitchen. I'm galloping like a Colt with Colt." I sing as we make it into the kitchen. I plop him on a stool. "OK In here I'm sure is a stool that's just the right height for you to help." I say opening a door and pull out exactly what I needed. I wonder if that's providence in action that he knew we would need it. Or if the house is magic? HM is magic even real? I get lots of weird questions I have no answer for. Or any hope of finding out I'm sure. I get pancake batter from the cabinet and get the rest of the things from the fridge we need. He helps me mix it up. He is kind of hesitant to help me. But I'm really not giving him much choice. I get a skillet hot and I show him how to pour a pancake and hand him the ladle. "Your turn." His eyes get great big and he tries it. "See easy peazy. Yours is even better looking than mine is. Keep going do another one or two. Whatever will fit. He gets two more into the skillet as they start to bubble I open a drawer and a spatula is right there. Isn't this great. I smile as I pull it out. "So you want to kind of look under the edge like this. Yep sure enough this ones ready to flip. You just do this." I say and flip the first one I put in. I hand him the spatula. He lifts the edge and peaks under it. He is bending down some because hes on a stool. He looks adorable. I know I keep saying that. But dammit he does look adorable. He flips it over and looks at me. "Perfect. Now get the other two." He looks back at the pancakes with a seriousness in his eyes. He flips them over and looks at me. "Not much to it is there?" He shakes his head. "Your a good boy." I tell him and rub the top of his head. He pulls them out when I tell him they are done. He flips each over to make sure its nice brown on that side. I have him start the next batch and I pull some brown and serve sausage from the fridge and put it in another skillet and get it to cooking. It doesn't take long and we are both sitting at the table with pancakes and sausage. "Yummy." I tell him as I take a first bite of pancakes. "You make great pancakes buddy." I takes a bite and smiles more than I have seen so far. 'Good huh?" He nods and takes another bite. I go grab us some milk. Not sure what I was thinking. I guess I'm not used to just having everything handed to me. Its what it was for 14 years. Then a few weeks of well the same thing mostly unless I bought it. Going to take getting used to. But that's a good thing. No a GREAT thing. And I got Colt here with me. At least for now. He said it would vary how long each boy stays. I guess until they are strong again. Or for the first time possibly. We get done and put our plates and stuff in the dishwasher. I figure we will be gone a good part of the day. Better get a picnic lunch for us. I go to the IGM and key in that we need 4 peanut butter and Jelly sandwiches. With grape jelly on white bread. Carrot sticks, raisins, some chips, a thermos of milk and 4 cold Dr Peppers. Colts from Texas everyone in Texas love the stuff. Its why I call it Texas juice. Wonder if Texas sells more gallons of oil or Dr Pepper? I reach in the closet and pull out a picnic basket That is like a backpack go figure. Ha I love this place. I put everything in there and toss in a couple of Ding Dongs for each of us and grab some waters as well. I pack it all in and realize I've yet to get dressed. "Ha." I say when I look down. I put the picnic back pack? On the counter. I go get dressed and I want to dress just like him. Or him like me. However I don't care. I want us to look similar. Low and behold the same outfit is available to me. I say thank you to the Creator and get dressed quickly. I walk out and he sees me I smooth my shirt. "Look pretty spiffy don't I?" I get a serious look on my face. "Do I look as cool as you?" I ask kind of worried. He rolls his eyes at me and I laugh. "You are one smart boy for sure.. Come on lets go explore the woods." We go out and walk through the corn field. "We are going to have to bring this in soon. I will have to ask Gabe how we do it. Don't let me forget." He nods and we enter the woods after a bit. We are walking down a trail f0r about fifteen minutes just wondering and enjoying the views. The birds are plentiful and butterflies galore. I wonder if this is what it looked like in North America before we got there and fucked it all up? "Look bunnies." I say pointing off a little ways. I stop and he looks and he nods. "I bet if we sit down and call them they will come over to us." I tell him. He looks at me like I'm crazy. "Remember we are in Shamallah." The corner of hips lips turn up with me using the name he gave this place. So we sit down. Now I don't know about you. But in my entire life I've never called a bunny. So I did what seemed natural. "Come here bunny, bunny, bunny." Sure enough here they come a hopping over looking at us. "Well, hello bunnies. I'm Micah and this is my friend Colt. We are ever so pleased to meet you." They respond by wiggling their noses and whiskers at us. "Do you suppose you might let us pet you? I imagine you would be very soft and I think it would feel nice for us to pet you." One hops over on Colts lap and he giggles. I laugh myself and the other hops on mine. "Thank you bunny's. I say and start to pet mine as he does his. I pet mine a few minutes and think wow I'm stupid. "Hop off a second bunny I got something I bet you will like." He hops off and I pull off the picnic backpack and pull out some carrot sticks and some raisins. I hand Colt a stick and a couple raisins and I sit back down and the bunny hops back up on my lap and I feed him a raisin then he starts nibbling on the carrot. I'm watching my bunny and looking up at Colt and he is just in hog heaven. He is grinning ear to ear petting the bunny that's eating from his hand. I'm so happy for him. I'm so happy for the bunnies. Most of all I'm happy for Shamallah. I think he really nailed the name. It just rolls off your tongue. Shuh mall uh. It sounds so beautiful I suppose because it really is. See I know you aren't believing that Colt and I have bunnies on our laps and are feeding them. But that's OK. I know we are. A while later the bunnies finish their treat and they hop off to go play or do bunny things. Not sure what bunnies do. We get up and I put the picnic pack back on. I think that's it picnic pack. Sounds good. I'm not super clever so I think it sounds good. "I like to swing. Do you like to swing?" I look over at him and he nods. We start to walk a while and come to an opening its a park. A massive park. Its got a swing set. It has a Ferris wheel. Not a huge one but its about 50 feet off the ground I would bet. It has a merry go round and a gazebo in the center with a picnic table. He is looking around wide eyed. I'm sure I am too both of us smiling at our find. I look skyward and say thank you in my head. "So what do you want to do first?" I ask him. He is following me to the gazebo which is directly in the center and he gets there and is spinning in circles taking it all in. It is really beautiful. Its an open area surrounded by woods. Its so serene and just so perfect where it is. Its not making tons of noise. I don't think either of us like that anyway. So that's good. I reach over and stop his spinning on about his tenth cycle. "Better stop before you get sick. Why don't we have some food and a soda before we do anything. I've worked up an appetite with all the walking." He nods his agreement and we sit down. I get out a sandwich for each of us and some carrot sticks and raisins Its a nice little meal. We eat it and I take a big drink of Dr Pepper and let out a long loud belch. He looks at me horrified and I just laugh. He looks at me and I see the corners of his mouth turn up and then he smiles and laughs. It takes him a second but I suppose before he got in trouble for such things. But its a boy thing. OK Maybe a man thing to belch and do it loudly. "You gonna try it now. Think you can beat me?" He looks at me a moment. I see the cogs turning behind his eyes. He grabs the soda and takes a big swallow. I see him working it and tada. One primo boy belch coming your way. "Woo hoo. That was a good one." I say laughing and clapping my hands He giggles and I just laugh a lot more. I see his face turning red. I'm so happy for him. Laughing and just being a boy for a minute. We get done with our light lunch and I ask him. "So what do you think merry go round, then swing a while, and then head back to the house?" He shakes his head. "Well, what then?" "Ferris wheel, merry go round, swing a while, Ferris wheel then go home." "You like the Ferris wheel huh?" "Don't know never been on one. But it looks exciting." He says softly but not as softly as before. "I haven't either." I'm trying to decide if I should tell him the truth. I decide that its the best idea. "The truth of it is I'm terrified of heights. But I want to tell you that because even though I'm really scared to go on it. I want to go. I want to face my fear. I'm going to ask you to face fears and its only right I do the same." "Its OK we don't have to go on it." he says looking at the ground. "Hey I thought you were Colt. Colton would give in like that. But Colt no way. What would Colt say and do? What is it you want to do? Tell me buddy." I say this and at the end lift his face with my hand on his chin so he can look at me. I see his face and eyes change and the look is more confident. "Micah I know you are scared. I'm a little scared to go on it too. But sometimes if something is scary you try it and turns out you may really like it. I will be with you and hold your hand if you want. So lets get going before you chicken out." He says and grabs my hand and starts pulling me to the Ferris wheel. I'm shitting bricks here. When I say I'm scared of heights that doesn't begin to cover the total fear I have of it. But I'm thinking and I'm not sure but I think that I cant be injured here anyway. But I'm still not positive about that. I'm not willing to test my theory. But I am so happy he is taking a stand to do what he wants. We get to the Ferris wheel and my stomach is rolling. He jumps on the swing and I see the control lever is in the seat we will be using so we can stop it when and where we want. That's good if I throw up on the first go round I can get off. We get in and I pull the bar to us and lock it. Doesn't seem like a lot to hold us in up there. I think as I look up and man it looks 40 stories tall. It didn't look that tall before. I cant hit the button so I hand the controller to him. He hits the green button and we slowly start to move. I put my hands on the bar and we are maybe 5 feet off the ground and I'm white knuckling the bar already. He gives my thigh a pat to reassure me. Oh boy. Oh my goodness. We are halfway up. OMG!!!!!!!!!! When we get to the top he points and giggles. "I can see our house." OK this distracts me a half a second from my fear. "Where?" "Right there." he shows and points. I start laughing as we descend. My stomach in my throat. Weird combination to be terrified and find something funny at the same time. Not sure I have had that before. "You see how close the house is. When we go back up I will show you something." We start back up and when we get near the top. "Stop it when we get to the top. I cant believe I just said that." He stops at the top and I point. "You see the house." He nods. "We walked through the field there then all the way around for miles when we could have just cut right through there." I say pointing. Which would have made our trip a quarter mile versus 5 or 6 miles. He giggles. "Yeah it was fun though. If we went that way we wouldn't have met Max and Bobbi." "Max and Bobbi?" "The bunnies. I named them Max and Bobbi. The boy is Max and the girl is Bobbi." "How do you know ones a boy and ones a girl?" I ask puzzled. "I don't I guess. I just figured they were running around together. I figured they was husband and wife. Or boyfriend and girlfriend." "Oh that makes sense. You are a smart boy for sure. I figured you saw some little fuzzy bunny balls or something." He giggles and it sounds great. "Fuzzy bunny balls." he repeats and giggles some more. "Now start this thing back up." I tell him. He is still giggling about fuzzy bunny balls but does indeed start it back. We go around a good while. Twenty maybe thirty times around. It got to be so I wasn't as scared. Its not something I'm going to answer when someone asks. What do you want to do most right now? That isn't in the top ten. That's for sure. But when Colt wants to ride again very shortly it seems. That I will be more OK with it. I wont think gee woo hoo I get to ride it again. But I'm not terrified. So that is something. But also because it seems to be opening up my new friend some. We get off and go to the merry go round. As we walk up to it it stops and we step on and it starts again. Well, isn't that neat as can be. I see a brown colt for Colt and point it out to him. I choose a white unicorn next to him. We ride until he tires of it. Which takes a good while. We sit on the swings and I start swinging. After a while I'm going pretty high. As I reach the peak I jump out and land and tumble. Laughing the entire time. Oh it makes me think of the few good times I had in my childhood. When I was allowed to go to the park. I didn't have friends but I could play. Come to think of it I haven't ever had friends. Even in prison I didn't. I had people I would talk to and look out for. But they aren't friends. I didn't have friends much before that either. I guess I'm just a loner. Or I think more accurately I'm afraid to let people get too close to me. "Micah I want to do that. But I'm scared." Colt half hollers to me. I roll over onto my back and look up at the sky. I tilt my head so I can see him. "Colt isn't scared of things like that. Besides Colt loved the Ferris wheel which I was terrified of. But after I did it. I realized its kind of cool." I say loud enough so he can hear me. OK it was kind of cool. I was still scared. But it was cool. I see him hit the peak a couple times then the third time he lets loose. He sails through the air. A grin on his face and he hits the ground and tucks and rolls. It isn't a minute later he is back on the swing to do it again. I just lay there and watch smiling at the happy boy in front of me. I don't know maybe there is healing powers here as well. I don't know. But I have never seen a boy turn around like this so quickly. Hes happy and fun loving. Like a boy should be. When he gets done jumping about 372 times. OK it was like 10 or 12. But he was having fun. He rolls over next to me. I scoot so we are touching. We lay there looking at the clouds for a while. He breaks the silence. "Micah." he says and stops. "Yeah buddy." He waits a minute. "Never mind." I think should I let him get away with it or not?" "No what?" Well I answered before I could think it out I guess. "Nah its stupid." I put my arm around his shoulders and pull him to me. He only tenses some. "I'm sure its not. Now I really want to hear it." I tell him and kiss the top of his head. "Its just....well... Its just today has been the best day of my life. I wake up in a weird place. I really don't know where I am. Some guy is here. That being you and you are all nice and stuff. Then we see bunnies and then the amusement park. Its just so much more than I'm used to." "That's not stupid at all. Today has been the best day of my life so far too." He spins over and is looking me in the face. "Really. You aren't just saying that?" "I have no reason to lie to you. My life up until yesterday has been pretty much shit. I was in prison for 14 years and before that I only really had 2 years of freedom. Which wasn't much because I was working two full time jobs just to pay bills. Then I met a cute neighbor boy and we fell in love. That's why I went to prison. He wasn't old enough they say. But I loved him and still do. Before all that my home life was kind of like yours. Cant ever do anything because you are always worried you will get beaten. You never know when the old man will get turned on and rape you. Yeah I know your life. Its mine too." "Why are people mean like that? I don't get it." He is scooting up and now laying with his chest on mine and looking at my face. I could think of much worse things that's for sure. Its nice I feel so very close to him right now. Its intimate. I'm not remotely turned on. Though I could be easily enough. I put my hands on his back and interlock my fingers. "I don't think it can be just a simple answer or one that fits every situation. I know my father was treated really well by his parents as well as my mother. But they both got into drugs, meth actually and then life was miserable. I don't really recall it not being miserable. Did you ever have a birthday party?" I ask. His eyes get sad and he shakes his head no. "Me neither I always kind of wondered what that would be like. A bunch of people over. Games and cake and more games." "I went to one once. It was when I was little like 2 years ago." he tells me and I cant help but smile. When he was little. Hes like 4 feet tall now. "I didn't really know the boy it was a coworkers of my dads son. I was told to behave and not get into trouble. So I kept to myself mostly and it wasn't much fun honestly. But I saw the other kids having fun." "Next time you go you will join in." "Doubt it. I'm scared of my dad. Hes real mean. I don't know why. I try to do everything he says exactly how he says it. But I always mess it up. I guess I'm stupid like he says." I see the sadness return to his eyes and he lays his head on my chest. I sure as shit know I'm not letting him get away with that. "Hey." I say and lift his head up so he can look at me. "You aren't stupid. Anything like that your father ever told you is a lie." I see doubt in his eyes. "One thing I do know is really true right now....." I let it end like that. He looks at me waiting for me to finish. "And!!!" he says after a minute. "I sure could eat that other pb&j I got packed for me. You think you might can eat yours too?" "I might can manage." he says grinning. "Got another Texas Juice for you too. Also got milk. I figure you had a couple glasses of milk today. If you want another soda it would be alright." "I never got soda before. So its a real treat." he says grinning. "Well, I will treat you. But you have to drink milk and water too young man. Its makes for a healthy boy." I say and tickle his sides. He quickly rolls off of me and away roaring with laughter. So naturally I chase him and keep going. I'm getting all the good spots all boys are ticklish at. Behind the leg. Under the arm. Inside of the leg. Tummy. I keep after him a couple minutes just really loving hearing him laugh. Hearing the joy he is in. Its in me now too. I feel his joy. Well, not his but mine from him vicariously. I stop tickling him and we are both panting now. I fall next to him. His face is super red. He is having giggle after shocks. I'm sweating and so is he. I feel a nice breeze to cool us off. "Come on scooter. Lets ride the Ferris wheel and have our sandwich and soda." "Race you." He says and takes off. I give chase and as I'm passing him amazingly I trip over my own feet and tumble and lift my head in time to see him looking like hes on a Toyota commercial jumping up and his hands in the air. "I am the CHAMPION!!!!!!!!!" He sings out like Freddie Mercury would have. "Just cuz I tripped." "Poor excuse is better than none at all I suppose." he says and smiles at me. I grin back because saying that I now he is comfortable with me. Because if he wasn't he never would have said something like that out of fear. I'm glad he feels safe with me. Because he is for certain. "I got to have something a strong young boy like you is bound to beat me most of the time." "I'm not strong." he says looking at his arms. I am getting up now. "No I'm not strong I lift up my arm and force my muscle down. Its actually kind of large from all the push up. "See mines like negative." He giggles. "Whatever your strong. I want to be big and strong one day." "Not hard to do. Just exercise is all." "Will you teach me?" "Sure sparky. We will start when we get back to the house." I grab the picnic pack and pull out two Dr Peppers and the remaining two sandwiches. I hand him one of each. We get on the Ferris wheel. I don't white knuckle it this time. As much as I want to I don't. I'm determined to beat this fear. If I can help my little friend Colt overcome his fears and insecurities I can certainly work on mine too. But I draw the line at holding a snake. Nope not happening. Nope that's a good fear. I'm from Texas. Snakes don't play there. They bite you. Then you die. Its no joke and I want to keep that fear because I think its a good one. Besides I don't want one for a pet or something stupid like that. If I get a pet I want to be able to pet it. Not seeing me pet a snake and feeling good about it. He starts the wheel to going. I open my sandwich as does he. I keep mine in the wrapper because I don't want jelly on my hand. He doesn't know this trick I imagine as he doesn't. He opens the can of soda and puts it between his legs. I do the same. We just munch away and go up and around. Its actually very peaceful I'm thinking. I finish my sandwich and put the baggie in my pocket. No litter here and I want to keep it that way. He sees me do that and does the same. We are almost to the top and I take a drink and leave it in my mouth and when we reach the top I tap him and he looks and I act like a fountain spraying out soda slowly. He gets to giggling and he keeps trying to take a drink and cant because hes giggling so bad. When we are around again he gets a drink and I poke him and he starts laughing and Dr Pepper is coming out of his noise. He spits it out and grabs his nose laughing. "Oh it burns." I'm laughing so hard at him. After another cycle or two he can finally do it. He thinks its pretty cool. He does it twice but says he doesn't want to waste anymore of his soda doing it. "Next time we need to bring water to do that with." He says as we are getting off the Ferris wheel. "So you want to walk the short way or not?" "Short way I gotta pee." "Me too." I say and walk over to a tree and whip out my junk and start peeing. "My dad always says......" "Your dads not here. You gotta pee then pee." I say looking over my shoulder at him. I see him shrug and go to a tree. He looks over his shoulder at me as he takes his boy bits out and starts to pee. I hear him sigh. Maybe we need a bathroom here. As I think it I see a little building across the way. The magic of Shamallah I think and get done peeing. I shake it off and zip up. I turn around and Colt is still peeing. He gets done and I see a couple squirts shoot out and he puts himself up. "You ready buzzy bear?" He giggles and we take off taking the short way back home. We get back and we head inside. "I could sure use some iced tea. You want some Colt?" "Sure. No sugar though. My father says......" "Do you want it sweet?" "Not really its like syrup then." "Then one unsweetened iced tea coming up because that's how you like it." He smiles. I put in the IGM two iced teas no sugar. A moment later the door opens and two glasses of iced tea appear. "This thing is so great." I hand him his glass and he takes it with both hands. Its then I realize how small he is. I mean he is regular 9 year old sized. Mostly I think. But its little. He takes a sip and I see moisture on the top of his lip and he licks it off. "That's good." he says taking another sip. I take a sip and it is nice. "Want to sit on the porch until supper?" "Sure." We go out and sit in the rocking chairs that are there for us. I sit idle and he like a boy rocks like its a race. I look at him. "Sorry." he says and stops. "Why?" "I was being hyper." "So be hyper. I will let you know if it bothers me. Pretty much unless you are making really high pitched noises I wont care." He grins and goes back to walking. "What would you like for supper. Anything you want?" "Anything?" "Yep. Anything." "Spaghetti?" "Sounds great. Salad and garlic bread will make it great and chocolate cake for dessert?" He doesn't need to answer him licking his lips says it all. We sit an hour just talking about how neat the park we found is. I decide its time to start supper. OK punch it into the IGM. I can make decent spaghetti but I bet it does it better. So I will leave it to it to make it. We sit down to eat and I tie a napkin around his neck and mine too. Don't want to ruin our shirts. I think a moment if we would or not. Then think well its better to be safe than sorry. I don't want to waste things. For 14 years I had nothing. Having nice things is special and I want to keep them nice. "I never got to have spaghetti unless it was at school." he tells me and takes another bite. "Whys that?" "My father said its too messy for little boys." "Bah. Its fun for little boys." I tell him and suck a piece into my mouth. He giggles and monkey see monkey do and all that. He giggles after he does it. We eat supper and man is it good. I mean its like the best I've ever had. The garlic bread was crispy and soft at the same time. The salad was so crisp and tasty. I will never get used to food back on earth again if its all like this here. But I don't know if it is or not. Maybe I can learn how to make food like this from the machine. I'm sure I can figure it out how to make it. I'm sure if I think a moment cookbooks will appear in a cabinet. "You think a bath then a movie then bed?" "How about a movie then a bath then bed?" "What if you fall asleep during the movie?"I ask him. He nods and gets off his seat. I put the dishes in the dishwasher and turn it on. Logic is hard to argue. He comes back in after I get done standing naked in front of me. I look at him. "My father always washes me. I'm not sure what to do. I mean I know what to do. But I've never done it." he says looking down. I nod at him and follow him into the bathroom. I turn on the water and let it run. I put my hand under it and it feels nice. "Check the water." He puts his hand under it. "Is it OK?" "Sure." I pull the stopper. I put him in the tub so I can see how full to fill it. He sits back and waits. I get a bar of soap from the cabinet and a wash cloth. I hand them to him and he takes them in his little hands. The soap looks huge in his hand. I cant believe how little he is. It turns me on in a way. But he is so beautiful. I cut the water off when its full enough. "Now surely you've seen what your father does right?" "Sure." "Just do that then." He nods and he dips the washcloth in the water then rubs the soap into it and then starts washing his body. He stands up and gets his legs. I get the wash cloth and do his back for him. I go to his bottom and stop. I hand it back to him and he goes back to washing. He gets his hair next by dunking his body into the water and then puts soap in his hair. Lathers it up really good and dunks again. I grab a towel that feels warm like its just from the dryer. Nice I think. I wrap him in it and we go to his room. "What do you want to sleep in?" "Just undies?" "If that's what you want?" I pull out a pair and hand them to him. He puts them on and we head to the living room. I turn on the TV and Cars is just starting. "Cool I always wanted to see this." He says grinning. "Cool me too." "Really?" "Sure. Why not its supposed to be real funny right?" "Yeah it is." He says grinning, and giggling. I feel so amazing right now hearing him giggle and being happy. Joyful even. Jovial. I can go on. But, you get the point. Hes really happy and I'm happy hes happy. Happy happy joy joy. Happy happy joy joy. I think and see Ren and Stimpy dancing and it makes me smile. We sit and watch the movie and I really so want to cuddle with him. But I'm thinking maybe its not a good idea. He was abused a lot. I don't want him getting the wrong idea. I just want to hold him and show my love for him that way. Ah fuck it. I scoot over and wrap my arm over his shoulder. He tenses for a moment and looks up at me. I give his arm a little squeeze as I smile at him. He doesn't smile but he loosens up and leans into me. We both watch the movie and learn it is truly a funny movie. When its over I pick him up and carry him into his room. I lay him on his bed and he looks up at me. I cover him up and kiss his forehead. I stand back up straight and look at him smiling. "Colt this was really the best day of my life. I'm really glad I got to share it with you." "Me too." I can see he has something more but is trying to decide if he should. "Go ahead say it. I wont get mad." I tell him. "Micah why are you so nice to me?" "Because you are a boy, a person and a human being. Because that's how people should treat others." "But my father said....." "We have discussed that whatever your father said is wrong. Now you are a smart and very handsome boy with lots to offer the world. Don't let some old bastard knock you down. Even if he is your father. I love you Colt now sleep well." I turn and I'm leaving the room As I turn exiting the room I hear a very soft. "Micah?" I turn around and go back and sit on his bed next to him. "Yeah buddy?" "Micah............" he stops I wait. "Micah nobody ever tickled me before." "Did you like it?" He smiles. "Yeah it was like a happy torture." "Happy torture huh?" I cant help but laugh at that. "Yeah." He answers giggling. He has his arms over the blankets and is laying on his back. I take his hand in mine and just hold it and give a little squeeze. I know he isn't done. Maybe not even close. I don't know its new to him I can tell talking to someone about things. I can imagine for him it was like me. You just think it out in your head and aren't really sure if its right or not. "When we were watching the movie you put your arm around me. But you didn't want nothing. Why did you do it?" "I wanted something. What I wanted was to hold you. To show you that I care about you. That I want to protect you. That's what I wanted. Its what I still want." "But you like boys. You told me. Don't you want sex stuff from me? I figured that's what you wanted and figured why not? It was a fun day anyway. I owe him that anyway." "Buddy I wont lie to you. Of course I want sex stuff from you. You are a very cute boy. But your body is your body. You control who you allow to do sex stuff with you. At least that's how its supposed to be. If you said you wanted to do stuff even right now I don't think I would." He gives me a funny look. "Why not, you want to?" "Because I will hear in my head what you said. That you owe me for a fun day. You don't owe me anything ever. If you wanted to do something you wouldn't be talking. You would be doing things. So no I wouldn't do anything now." "Wish my father felt that way." he says sadly. "Me too." We sit a while him looking at me and me looking at him. I can see he is thinking about what I said. He doesn't know if he should believe it or if its a trap. "Micah." I nod at him. "My father never tickled me. He never held me or made me feel safe. He never said he loves me like you did.........." I can see his eyes getting wetter. "Whats wrong with me? Why cant my father love me?" The damns burst free and the rivers are flowing. I swoop down and wrap my arms around him and sit back up. Holding him to me. I hold him tight and let him cry. I cant help it I cry too. I can see his pain as he cries. His eyes so red and him looking at me. "There is nothing wrong with you. You are a great boy. You are smart, handsome, caring, efficient, loving, most of all you are you. I cant understand how he cant love you. His heart must be made of stone. I see all this and love you so much after just one day. Hes had nine years with you to love you. I cant make sense of it Colt. Because you are so lovable." He cries harder for a while and then he slows and stops. Occasionally sniffing. My tears stopped flowing a few minutes ago. He just looks at me and me at him. I imagine my eyes are as red as his from crying. "Why were you crying?" he asks me. "Because I felt so bad for you. Because I felt so bad for me. Because I felt so bad for all the children who are just like us. Ones that think they aren't any good because their own parents cant love them. But you know what? Its not our fault they didn't love us. Its theirs. Its their loss not ours. Because we both know now that we are lovable and can be loved. That we aren't broken they are the ones that are broken. We are just fine." "You think?" "I know." We sit a moment me holding him in my lap and us looking at each other. "Micah." I nod. "I love you too." I smile at him. "Thank you. Are you ready for bed now?" "Yeah I'm pretty tired. We did lots today huh?" "Yes we did. Tomorrow who knows what we will do. Why don't you come up with an idea of something you've always wanted to do and we will do that." "Really?" he looks at me not believing what I'm saying. "Yes really. So long as it isn't bungee jumping. Then you are on your own." He giggles. "Goodnight Ollie." I say and kiss his cheek and lay him back on his bed and cover him up. He turns on his side and closes his eyes. I see a little smile on his lips. "Fuzzy bunny balls." he says and giggles I cant help but laugh. Then I head to my room and take a quick shower. I think about having a wank but decide I don't want to in the shower. Maybe laying down. While in the shower I start thinking of the day and what all Colt has said and told me. How I feel his pain because I know his pain. Our pain is the same. It hurts a lot to not think your parent loves you. Even if its true. You cant help but question why you cant be loved. Its a horrible feeling. I know it well. Sadly even though I loved Shawn the boy I got caught with. I don't think he loved me. I think he loved getting off. I think that I am actually feeling love for the first time. I get out, dry off and climb into bed and am thinking about this as I get to sleep. I'm in love. For the first time. ___________ Donate to nifty Those of you that have emailed me learned I am posting the chapters on archive of our own as I get them edited. I just posted part 4 this morning. If you would like to see them sooner. Go here EricMurphey | Archive of Our Own I will also be posting otehr stories on there that will apparently be censored by nifty for using that certain word. The New Mr Jones has that word in it. SO I wont bother posting it to nifty. See no reason to get upset when they delete something. Just still upsets me that they have joined the republcians in canceling anything that they dont agree with. But at least we can have some stories. I jsut question if any more of mine will be cancelled. Eric