Chapter 5

Urge was dead.

If I couldn't focus before now all I could do was think of him. He had sacrificed himself for me. Just like that. It was me who had broken the rules. It was me who had taken the gun without consent. Why the fuck did he take the fall for me?

"I'm sorry," Ardor had said to me.

He was next to me rubbing me on my back. Craving was the one who really had the face that was making me feel sorry for myself though. It was almost that face that said he didn't know what to say. I wished I had stepped up. I wished I had been a man and raised my hand to say something about taking that gun. That wasn't the case though.

I had allowed them to take him away. Lust had explained to us that the person who took the gun would be killed.

"We should get going. We'll be late for our lesson," Craving stated looking down at the floor instead of at me.

He was right. I had been friends with Yearn when she died but it was still early in the process. Now losing someone was taking it's toll. I hadn't slept at all the night before. All I remembered was Urge's limp body being dragged off. That was all that stood out in my mind.

The day went by slow. I couldn't focus on hand-to-hand combat and I was beaten by Ardor of all people. Ardor was pretty much horrible at everything but I still managed to let him beat me. I was the slowest in cardie and hardly lifted any weights.

I wondered if it all mattered.

Later that day it was knives. We were in a bright lit room. To the right there were long pieces of wood carved in the shape of human beings. We had many knife training classes before but I had never focused on any of them. I was so concerned with guns that knife was secondary. I don't think anyone really focused on knives, not even Lust.

Lust described knives as, "A good last effort in case you run out of bullets in the field."

She never described what "the field" was or explained just what kind of missions we'd be going on when or if we made it out of the training school. Everything was above our rank or a question that we should have asked Tom when we first met him.

For right now we were training to kill.

No one had any idea of who we were training to kill but based on this kind of training the target definitely had to be hard to kill.

"Good job with the spinning on your knife throw," Lust stated stepping behind me.

"Thanks."

"You're tense."

You just killed my friend you stupid bitch. Yes I was tense. She said it as though she was concerned. I hated the fact that she seemed like she cared sometimes. I wished she was just like the moderators. It would have made things less confusing.

"Sorry..."

"No, don't apologize," she stated, "It's a good thing. Use it. Channel whatever anger you have when you are throwing that knife."

I stepped back behind the line. I was given a rugged, drop point knife similar to the ones everyone else was using as well. The target was a wooden plank across the room. There were different stations set up for the knife throwing and I was trying my best to get the most out of everything. I had completely decided to put all my energy into using the knife.

"Get to know your life. Feel the handle. Understand the length of it," she explained, "Fine a comfortable way to hold it so that it rests in the palm of your hand. Now throw..."

I flung it across the room sending it spinning. It hit the target almost dead center.

"Fuck."

"No. That was good," Lust stated going over to retrieve the knife for me, "You only have a 50/50 percent chance to hit your target if it spins. You should practice making sure your knife does not spin."

I nodded taking her advice as she walked away. A part of me watched her walk away. I wanted to throw the knife right into her back. I wanted to so bad. I could see my hand clutching onto the knife. She was responsible for Urge's death. She was the one responsible for it. I could feel my hand on the handle just how she stated.

Then I released throwing the knife making sure there was no spin on that knife. I wanted the knife to hit it's target dead center.

It wasn't at Lust though. It was at a target not far from Lust. A completely different wooden stick that wasn't even assigned to me.

Lust seemed startled by it, but turned around and smiled almost warmly, "Well done. You are going to be racking up the points on this knife training Desire."

I should have done it. I should have thrown it at her. I had been afraid. I was too afraid. Maybe the knife wouldn't kill her. Maybe I'd miss. Even if I did kill her, did it matter? Was she the real reason Urge was dead. Was it bigger than her? Were it the moderators? Was it Tom? Was there someone even above Tom? I had no idea. I had no idea who I was or why I was practicing to throw knives for hours in the day.

"I saw that..."

I turned to see Passion standing behind me.

I ignored her and walked to the next station. The next station showed some good points on the dummy outlined so that you knew where to stab to puncture the vital organs.

There was so much to take into account when stabbing. The size and length of the blade you were using. The trajectory you were stabbing. With a knife you had to be precise. You had to know where you were stabbing someone. You had to make sure that you got it right because you may not get another chance.

"You seem focused," Passion stated.

"Is there something you want?"

"Kind of wanted to know if you could teach me how you throw the knives like you do," Passion stated, "You're really good at that."

She was using me. She was trying to at least.

"Get away from me."

"Are you really mad?" Passion asked shaking her head, "How are you taking any of this personal? Look where we are. Survival is everything."

"Look girl. I'm not going to say it again," I stated shaking my head, "Urge was killed, OK? I'm not in them mood to have convo. I just want to learn what I need to learn. You need help? Go ask Allure or one of those other girls you're ass kissing. You know what. Because even if they help you, you won't be as good as them."

"So this is about Urge?" Passion asked, "Why be upset? I don't get it..."

"Because he was a good person."

"So what? Yearn was a good person. Carnal was a good person before he was killed," Passion responded with this annoyance in her voice, "People die all the time. You know what you should be happy about? You should be happy that there is 7 of us now and not 8. You have a better chance now..."

I couldn't believe the words coming out of her mouth.

I didn't know what came over me. I found myself taking the knife and charging at her. She tried to fall back but it didn't work. I broke through her defense and had the knife her throat. I could easily rip her throat open right now if I wanted to. I should have. I couldn't believe Passion had become such a bitch.

"Get away from me."

It was the first time that I felt dangerous. Passion nodded backing away without saying another word. The feeling was enticing. The feeling was...more than I could ever imagine. The power to make someone pay for something they said if you wanted to. The power to hurt someone if you wanted to.

It was the first time that I actually felt like I was good at something here. The way I felt when I held that knife made me know that I was good.

It all made sense now. Me being in the kitchen I worked with knives all the time. It was second nature to me. I could dice up an onion in less than 5 seconds. My mother had taught me how to use this knife and how to be comfortable with it. I knew for sure that I was one of the best people I ever knew with a knife.

The only thing is that I thought I was good with a knife when it came to cooking.

A week had passed. We were in guns class. We were learning how to put together a silenced .22 pistol. The moderators were on the side of the room as usual taking notes. They were using their boards. I saw one looking my way and jotting down notes.

"You not even going to try?" Craving asked me.

He was standing next to me at the work table. I hadn't even touched my gun. Craving on the other hand had taken it apart and put it back together three times. Everyone was except me. Ardor had managed to break his and needed a replacement. I let him use mine.

"Urge gave me some good advice. You know...before he..."

It was hard to even say the word. It was hard to even think that the best student out of all of us was not longer even around. The feeling burned my chest really.

"What good advice? Sit around and get low scores and die?" Craving asked him.

I leaned forward closer to Craving. I knew it was risky telling him while the Moderators were around but Craving was damn near my best friend here. If I could share this with anyone then it had to be him.

I whispered closely to him, "He said we only need one combat specialty and then one miscellaneous like poison...."

"How the fuck..." he said before lowering his voice and giving me a stern look, "How the fuck did Urge know how we are being graded? I don't get it."

It was a good question. It was a fair question. Every night I thought about Urge. Every night I wondered what he was going to tell me the night that he was killed. He seemed like he was about to tell me something important about himself. He said that this wasn't his first time in training. I thought about telling Craving but what was the point? I didn't know enough about it anyway.

"Do you have something you're good at?"

"I'm good at pressure points for my miscellaneous. I guess for my combat I am good at the assault rifle. But I'm good with these .22 pistols too. Shit I don't know. I haven't even thought about it. I've been trying to learn everything. OK. Maybe the assault rifle. I go off when I get one of those things. Think I'm one of the best in the class..."

He was listening. I felt bad that I wasn't telling the others but this wasn't a fucking fair world. I wanted my friend to survive. That was who I cared about. The more and more I thought about it Passion was right. She was right about the fact that only 4 of us were survive. Craving was that ride or die friend that had stuck it out with me this entire time. I had to make sure that Craving was one of those four.

"That's not good enough. You need to be the best at it."

I wasn't sure if Craving was taken it in. I was worried that he wasn't. k

"That's not important, the important thing is tomorrow is my day," I stated shaking my head, "I'm going to make sure that I stand out with knives."

"Yeah. You're like the best with those. You think it's going to be enough though?" Craving asked, "I mean do you think you could have trusted Urge. Maybe he was just making stuff up. It's not like the moderators have small talk or something."

I looked to the side of the room at the moderators. He was right. They were never much for the small talk. They just stood there staring like ghosts in a shell, taking notes and making sure that no one broke any rules. That was their job. They had no souls. They had no personalities.

"I trusted Urge."

Craving sighed rolling his eyes, "You crushed on Urge. I don't think that's enough to put your life on the line..."

"It's my decision."

"All I'm saying is you are a good friend of mine. I don't want to see you go."

"I don't want to see you go either."

He grabbed my hand. It surprised me. There was something true about Craving. It was a weird friendship we had. In the real world I don't think I would have spoken too words to him. He was a jock. He was corny with his jokes and had this whole "bro" mentality. I used to be a snob. I used to put my nose up to guys like him and think they weren't smart enough to hold conversations with me. Maybe that was why I missed out because Craving had literally become one of the best friends that I had ever had in my life.

I nodded shaking my head, "Let's promise each other. Let's promise each other that we'll both make it to the final four."

"I promise. I got your back. You got mine. No turning on one another...no matter what these make us do."

We shook on it.

"Broke another one!" Ardor screamed out at that moment, "FUCK!"

For some reason it made Craving and I laugh as his boyfriend dropped the gun. It shouldn't have been funny but I guess shit was getting too serious for us and we just needed something to release from. We just needed something to make us feel better about life.

Knife training was the next day. My favorite day. I had memorized all the vital points that day. My technique was perfection. I was trying to teach Ardor for Craving but he was a lost cause. He cut himself a million times. He was clumsy as hell. I thought trying to teach him would slow me down but it did just the opposite really. It made me think about things that I wouldn't have thought about. I had worked so hard that I was sweating from every part of me.

After knife training I was exhausted. Ardor handed me a towel as Craving came over. We knew the schedule by now. Any moment a moderator would come over and announce that it was time to head back to the dormitories for dinner.

That didn't happen though.

Bells instead.

What the fuck was Lust doing here? She usually only came for the hand-to-hand. I figured that had to have been her specialty or something when she was in training because that is what she seemed like she was best at.

Lust looked serious, "You guys are halfway through rank 3. From now on you have more disciplined freedom."

"What does that mean?" Allure asked.

She was asking the question that all of us were afraid to ask.

"You can now train however you would like. There is no set schedule unless a moderator lets you know. If there is a weapon you would like to focus on you can spend all day focusing on that weapon."

A lot of people looked worried about that idea. I wasn't though. I was thankful. I wanted to spend as much time as I could training with knives as possible. I wanted to make sure that nothing would get in the way of me being the absolute best at that...

Not just the best in my team.

The best the Assembly would ever know.

Lust continued breaking up the conversation that was happening, "That isn't all. You are now able to eat in the dining halls with the other training teams...."

We all looked at one another. There was talk immediately. It was excited talk.

"Holy shit," Craving said.

I knew what he meant. I loved these guys but seeing the same 6 other faces everyday was getting kind of annoying. I was getting annoyed at everything. I was annoyed at the way the girls followed Allure around. I was annoyed with the way Passion tried to use everyone to get ahead. I was annoyed at the way Ardor managed to fuck things up. Ever since Urge was killed everything seemed to irritate me even more.

I just needed something new.

"Don't embarrass me," she stated looking at Craving as she spoke.

"I'd never think of it," he said raising her hands.

I was shocked when Lust smiled back and then offered a cold hard, "Follow me."

She lead us down the hallway. I wished I could take a shower or something before meeting new people. I had literally put my heart into the knife training. It had paid off however.

We passed moderators who always seemed so busy. We walked in a straight line. That's how they liked us to walk. It was stupid as hell. We had gotten so used to walking in the straight line that it seemed like our feet were in sync like in the army or something. There were no army chants though. There was no fatigue. We weren't in the goddam military. We were something much worse.

"Our table is on the end," Lust stated, "I have to go find Tom about something important."

I wondered what this important thing she had to go find Tom about but I didn't wonder for long. I looked into the room and there was nothing but amazement.

The room was full of faces. A lot of them had faces like us. It was more like a high school lunch room then a dining hall for assassins. I was nervous all over again just like my first day in high school.

"Come on," Craving said.

It was clear that he knew I was nervous. Everyone was. We were still walking together in a line. Allure was at the front of the line like she usually was. She guided us to the back table where there was just enough room for all of us to sit.

"This is fucking crazy," I heard Ardor say.

It was. People were talking. People were laughing and joking and gossiping. There had to be more than 50 people in the room. There were flirting going on. Guys were flirting with girls, guys were flirting with guys and girls were flirting with girls.

Moderators had brought out food for us when they noticed we were sitting down. I didn't know what the Moderators roles really were. It seemed like they wore many hates. They cleaned, they did our laundry, they scored us, they fed us and every once in a while when we failed they just so happened to kill us. It was like they wore every hat.

"Oh my god...real food," I stated.

No more cold sandwiches. I looked as I saw what they had put down on the table. It was enough to make Urge smile if he was still alive. I think Romance and Glamour was clapping at the end the end of the table. I was pretty sure that Passion was in tears. I felt like Christmas or something.

I watched as they brought steak out. They brought okra. There was chicken if we wanted that. I noticed a few people trading around their dishes. I stuck to a fish dish that seemed healthy. It was what Urge would do if he was here. He would want to eat healthy regardless of what they gave us.

Then I saw one moderator bring out my weakness. They brought wine. WINE!

When I tasted it I realized it was strong and good. No wonder the dining room was so hype.

"Everyone is fucking sexy as hell. Oh-my-lord," Craving said leaning over on the table.

He was right. If there was ever a positive to being a part of the Assembly it was the fact that everyone looked beautiful. There were a few people like Glamour who had fucked up their faces but even they looked fucking way more attractive then the average individual. It was like all of the most attractive people in the world had been pulled into the same room at the same time.

"Hey, hey, hey..." Ardor said.

Craving elbowed him, "Relax. I meant there are a lot of sexy folk in here; for Desire. I got my peace."

"You see anyone you like?" Ardor asked me, nudging me a little bit, "Don't be shy Fornicating isn't against the rules. You know how many times me and Craving got caught fucking by a moderator?"

"Oh my god! I do not want to hear that," I said shaking my head.

The two boys laughed. Even now they were all over each other. I had to admit that I wanted the same thing. I wanted the feeling of closeness with someone. It was because of the lives we lived. We lived such cold lives that any comfort seemed to be good. I wished I could have that...even a little bit.

Craving shook his head, "He has to get over Urge one way or another. You know what you need Desire?"

"What?"

"A big nice long...DICK."

I got red in the face. Ardor and Craving laughed at me at the moment. I couldn't believe he was talking like this.

"Hey you...HEY!" Craving had called out to a guy walking past.

He was tall, with lean muscles. He was a sexy black dude that had a shaved head. He reminded me a little bit of Dennis my boyfriend from back home. He looked like some male model or something fresh off the press.

How the fuck did Craving know my type?

"Yeah?" The boy asked.

"You think my friend here is cute?" Craving asked.

The boy looked at me. He looked me up and down. I couldn't believe Craving was doing this! I would have been embarrassed but no one was really paying attention but us. Everyone was drinking, talking, eating and just having the first good time that we'd had since we came to this place.

"Hell yeah," the boy said.

"Would you fuck him?"

The boy's eyes got wide all of a sudden. I could see him licking his lips.

"Hell yeah I would," he said, "I would tear that ass up!"

The boy was excited. I couldn't help but to bury my head on the table. Craving winked at me. That was the type of person Craving was. He was such a clown and he dreaded being serious. I couldn't help but to laugh as the boy just stood there.

"We'll hook something up," Craving told the boy before the boy nodded, flashed me over a bright white smile that made it clear that he was excited.

Ardor nodded, "He was hot. His name was Conceit. I read it on his name tag. Wonder whose team he is on?"

"It sounds like he might be on Pride," I said.

Craving laughed, "Yeah definitely Pride. He seemed conceited too with that smug look on his face. He was just waiting for someone to stop him. But he was hot. We have disciplined freedom now. He can meet you in the back of the knife training room and give you his knife..."

"I'll pass."

"Still stuck on Urge huh?"

"Maybe."

I sighed. I couldn't even admit that I wasn't. It had been a whole week since he died but I was still stuck on him like a fucking loser. I found myself drinking my entire glass of wine. Before I even put it down a Moderator was over to refill it.

I found myself getting a little tipsy. Craving and Ardor had gone back into each other. Seeing them like that didn't make the depression that I had any better. I knew Craving wasn't trying to shove their relationship in my face but that is how it came across. I wanted someone to kiss. I wanted someone to hold. Not just anyone though. I wanted Urge.

Why the fuck had I been so obsessed with him?

"I hate to fuck up your little drunk memory," Craving stated, "Don't look now but that guy Wrath just walked in. He looks like he is sitting with his team or something. He keeps looking over here..."

I didn't look. I could feel eyes on me though. I had no idea

"He is fucking sexy too and he's one of the seven. He has to be powerful," Ardor stated, "Yeah, Jesus Christ he is staring a hole at you."

I didn't look back.

"He's the reason I'm here. He seduced me and drugged me," I told them.

"Fuck."

"That doesn't explain why he's so obsessed. Lust took us. You don't see her sitting on the other side of the room and staring at us like we are something to eat."

"It's a little creepy," Ardor responded.

They were both right. It was beyond creepy. I couldn't even enjoy myself the rest of the dinner. I could see his eyes staring at me. I was too scared to look but Ardor and Craving confirmed that he hadn't moved his eyes off of me even a second. Ardor was telling me that he was sure that Wrath wasn't even blinking. Craving kept telling me, "He is cute, though," as if that should have made it any better that this man was so fucking weird. I mean I was obsessed with Urge but there was something... just...off about Wrath.

It wasn't until the end of the dinner when all of us were walking back to the dormitories that I finally had the guts to look over at him. He was sitting at his table. His table was the loudest group in the lunch. They seemed like they had no discipline at all. One of them was standing on the table. I guess that wasn't against the rules though because the moderators didn't say a thing. A few of them seemed like they had started a mini food fight or something. Corn was thrown right past Wrath. He didn't move though. He didn't even flicker.

Wrath was just staring at me. He had these deep, killer, psycho eyes that seemed to pierce me. I felt my heart beating harder and harder. He didn't look at me. Was he really the one who had cheated on that written test so that I could pass? Why did he even care?

We had gotten back to the dorms. Everyone was in high spirits. It was the first time that everyone was smiling. Maybe it was because the majority of us were drunk off of the wine that they had given us. It was the first time all of us were having a group conversation as well.

Allure was going off at the mouth, "I think we are going to be government agents. You know...like the KGB or something. Hopefully we work for Russia.."

We were gathered around Allure's bed. For some reason people seemed to flock to her. It was probably because she was the top of the class now that Urge wasn't around. Everyone seemed to know it and want to hang off of her every word like she was the next coming or something. I stood to the side not wanting to crowd her space.

"Girl you are the only one in this place who has a Russian accent," Craving told her causing laughter in the group.

"Maybe we are CIA," Romance suggested, "Americans."

"Why not Africans?" I suggested.

That got the most laughter out of everyone. Even Passion seemed to laugh. We still had our beef but it seemed like everyone was bonding. I had to admit that I liked these people. I liked the fact that Allure was tough. I liked the fact that Glamour found everything funny. I loved the fact that Romance flirted every chance she got. I was beginning to get used to the fact that Ardor was a klutz. It was hard to realize that only 4 of us would make it through this.

The rest of us would be killed off.

"Africa really?" Ardor asked, "I know you trying represent, Brotha, but I doubt we are working for any African countries. It's cold as hell outside."

"They could have a base somewhere else. We could be working to kill off the terrorists. You know there are a lot of terrorists in Africa..."

"We are the terrorists..."

No one heard the person come in. The person was silent. He had sneaked up on us in a way that caused Ardor to scream out a little bit.

A bunch of us jumped on the beds shocked to see what was standing in front of us. I was shocked most of all by what the person said but how they looked like was disarming.

Two swollen eyes. Bruises were all over the persons body. They looked like they had just been in a car accident or something.

And yet the person was still attractive...

No. It couldn't be.

"Urge?"

He sat on his bed. It was him. I could tell. He had been beaten up but it was definitely him. He was the only one that could sneak right up to you and you not notice at all.

"Ardor," I ordered almost immediately, "Get some ice out of the mini fridge in the back. Ardor! Wake up! GET SOME ICE!"

Ardor had just been standing there staring like the rest of them. Everyone was shocked that he was still alive. How was it possible? I was breathing heavily.

"How is he? How are you...still alive?" Passion asked.

"Can you guys give him space?" I asked.

Ardor had come back with the ice. He just stood there with it though and looked at Urge. They were staring at him like a ghost or something. We had all just known that he was dead. There was no doubt in our minds. I had mourned Urge. I had fucking mourned him but he was here right now. He was beat up but he was alive.

I grabbed the ice out of Ardor's hands. I started to apply it to him. I put pressure on wounds. I watched as he scorned a little bit twitching as I applied the ice.

He seemed defensive.

"I won't hurt you," I told him.

He nodded and just stood still. The others watched him and watched me apply ice to him. They had given him his space for a while but they all seemed confused. They all seemed suspicious.

It was Allure who spoke first. She had the most suspicious look out of everyone. She seemed unwelcoming. Allure crossed her arms, "Lust said that whoever stole that gun would be killed."

She seemed annoyed. Now that Urge was back she definitely wasn't he best in the group any longer. Maybe that is why she was looking so defensive. You would think that it was a bad thing that he was still alive or something. I had never seen a reaction to life be more negative than a reaction to death before. When they thought he was dead they seemed so OK with it.

"I'm different," he stated, "It's the reason I took the fall. I knew they wouldn't kill me."

Craving asked, "Who are you? Why are you different?"

Craving must have been thinking about what I shared with him earlier. He must have been thinking about the fact that Urge knew how we were being graded by the moderators. He had to have known.

"I'm different because of who I am?"

"What?"

Urge seemed to hesitate.

I knew he would drop a bomb worse than anything that we had seen in bomb class.

"Well I am different...I'm different because of who my father is. My father is Tom."