Date: Wed, 30 Jan 2002 14:05:48 -0800
From: Rick Beck <bjwalkerjr@37.com>
Subject: Billie Joes Journal Chapter 1

01/12/02
Billy Joe's Journal
Originally - My 15th Year

Synopsis
	This story is a testament to the lives of homeless youth that haunt
our streets, surviving by stealth and guile. It's based on actual events.

While Billie Joe is a creation of my imagination, he becomes the voice and
conscience for this story, and he allows me to tell it more effectively.
For readers of My 15th Year, I have always been Billie Joe. He is me.

	This society's sanitized version of adolescence is a mythology
worthy of great literature but it can never be confused with honesty, and
its love hate relationships with sex is disturbing for those of us with
healthy sexual appetites.

				   *****

	We've tried to publish this book without success. Internet
publishers were our last hope but they too refused because of sexual
content.  You are the judge of its content now.

READER ALERT

	There are two troubling rape sequences in this book, Chapter 8 in
this first section of three. David, the Nifty Archivist, had a strong
aversion to both, but the violence accentuates what street kids face daily.

FOR THOSE UNDER 18

Are you lonely or confused, frightened by your sexuality and feelings?

	While it is not immoral for you to read this story, it is illegal.
Heaven forbid you would read something intelligent about the stuff you are
doing and the consequences. So, just keep asking your friends for their
version.

PRACTICE SAFE SEX AT ALL TIMES! THE FASTING GROWING HIV+ GROUP 13-25 BOTH
SEXES.

				   *****

OUR VOICES IS BEING HEARD

	Nifty is the place where you can tell coming of age stories
uncensored. You should do all you can to preserve this resource and our
history. We will always be invisible without our history. Tell others when
you find a "good" gay story. Share the experience. It's such a small price
to pay for all of this.

Thank you, Nifty Erotic Stories Archive, Nifty mirror sites, and David

Rick Beck @
bjwalkerjr@37.com

Read my other story, DISCOVERING GREGORY,
/nifty/gay/highschool/discovering-gregory/


Editing by BP. Peace & Love Bill. Thanks for the great job you did.
Maybe one day someone will have the stones to publish this, my friend.

01/12/02
Billie Joe's Journal

Chapter 1
Bus Ride Serenade

	I suspected when I was twelve. All my "boy" friends started talking
about girls and acting stupid around them. I was mesmerized the day Drew
got it hard after taking his shower in gym class.  My locker was next to
his.  All the naked boys did stimulate me, but my self-control as well as
excellent peripheral vision gave me an edge.  Drew was a year older than
the rest of us.  He'd been held back.  His voice was deep.  The hair around
his was black and thick.  It was big in size when compared to the immature
and just maturing guys we showered with.

	I spotted Drew's thing when it stood out.  He turned toward the
locker to hide it as he pulled on his socks first.  My own interest started
to rise up too.  I watched his smooth skin as he bent to work on his feet.
I caught a glimpse of the pink hole.  I made a point to watch it appear
when he went to the second foot.  I mostly dried myself while I watched
him.  When he turned to get his pants, the object of my interest brushed my
leg with a heat that caught me off guard.  It felt smooth, hard, and soft
all at the same time.

	As I fought with my self-control, I realized Drew had pulled his
jeans on over his naked body.  Where was his underwear?  I'd never known
anyone who didn't wear underwear.  I studied the mysterious boy as he
worked on his hair and I liked the black hairs up under his arm.  Drew
never noticed me watching.

	From that day forward I had a plan, I picked out a guy each day
before gym class.  I waited for him to get a locker, and my locker was the
one next to his.  No one ever caught on, and I thought I was probably going
through that stage everyone talks about. It confused me, but I never felt
better than in the shower and while making sure the guy in the next locker
rubbed against me at least once with his naked body.  I didn't worry about
it, and I refused to think my lack of interest in girls was of any
importance at twelve. I would have to deal with it a few years later when
the marine got on my bus and took the seat next to me.

	During the summer before my junior year, I traveled by bus to spend
a week with my brother in Seattle in the state of Washington.  The way my
parents acted, they couldn't wait to get rid of me.  I had no idea what
they had in mind, but it certainly involved getting rid of me for a week.
The bus was packed when we left Minneapolis.  A guy in a uniform that I
believed was marine came to the back of the bus carrying that big green bag
they put their junk in.

	"Move kid," he said, mean like.  "Let me have the window.  My legs
are too long to sit on the isle, and you're just a little fuck.  Move."

	I looked around for a seat some place else.  There was one beside a
little old lady, and one with a little kid that had a mother and three
sisters hanging all over the seats.  I stayed in the back with the soldier.
I didn't like the guy, but I didn't much like old ladies and little kids
either.  He threw his bag up top, stretched his long legs out and went to
sleep.

	Before we were out of St. Cloud, his legs were pressed against
mine.  He flipped up that middle arm and his body took up all of his seat
and half of mine as he leaned back against the window. I didn't like being
pushed out of my own seat, but I realized there were certain advantages if
you looked for them.

	I'd only seen one hardon in my life.  Drew's.  I'd seen guys with
hard dicks sticking out the sides of their pants, and they always hid it
with their hands, so you only got a glimpse. The soldier got one.  At first
I wasn't sure, but then as he moved from time to time it stood way out as a
well-defined ridge stuffed down the side of his pants.  I applied some of
the knowledge I had gained in seventh grade gym, and I placed my hand so
that it was an inch from the bulge but well inside my part of the seat in
case there came some complications if he did what I wanted him to do.  I
couldn't take my eyes off it.  He must have been at least as big as Drew,
and, since it was still in his pants, I thought bigger.  I waited, not
daring to do it myself.  I just stared and hoped for the best to happen for
me.

	After five minutes he changed his position again.  His bulge
pressed really hard right into my hand and arm.  I was totally shocked by
this.  I mean I wanted a little touch of that thing in there, but he like
ground it into my hand once he felt me touching him.  It was like no
attempt to hide that he was rubbing it against me and liking rubbing it
against me.  It was weird, but not so much that I wanted to stop touching
it.  I was already pushed as far in my seat as I could get from him.

	I did turn my hand so my palm and fingers were down on it.  I
closed my eyes and pretended I was sleeping, but I was sitting straight up,
and now my own pants suffered from bulges and a growing wet spot inside my
underwear.  He moved just a little bit, and my fingers closed on it.  I
didn't mean it.  I mean that wasn't what I wanted to do, but my fingers
just did it on their own, and he like sat up looking at me.  Meanwhile I'm
pretending I'm asleep and all, and shaking.

	He moved around and ended up almost back in the same exact spot
with his hardon against my hand just like before he sat up to check and see
if what was happening was happening to his thing.  He moved two or three
times in small little moves, but always pushing his bulge into my hand
until my fingers closed around it again.  Then he laid still.  Real still,
but I could feel the thing jerk through his pants every couple of minutes,
and when it jerked, my fingers squeezed on it.  My heart absolutely was
about to break inside my chest, and I started breathing real funny.  I
tried hard to calm down, but it just got worse the longer I held it.

	An hour went by with me holding it.  I started to feel pretty good
about it like I was getting away with something pretty dirty, and with
touching a real man thing or almost touching it.  Then I looked at his face
and his eyes were open and he was looking at me.  I almost died right
there.  He looked at my hand and at my face.

	"Sorry I yelled at you," he said.

	"It's okay," I said, letting my hand slowly slip onto my own leg.

	He sat up and stretched, "Went home before shipping out to Japan.
Thought I would spend some time with my girl.  She's off on vacation with
her parents.  I guess I missed seeing her more than I thought.  Sorry about
that."

	He moved the bulge around in his pants until it stuck straight up
to his belt in the front.

	"It's okay," I said, looking at where he put it.

	He looked at me kind of funny like he was trying to add two and two
and just came up with the three dollar bill answer.  He looked at the bulge
in the front of my pants and then back to my face and then to the place
where he stuffed himself.  My eyes watched the same place, too.

	"I'm Carl."

	"I'm Billie Joe. How old are you?"

	"Seventeen.  Just turned when I joined up.  Finished basic.  Going
up to Japland."

	"That's young for a soldier," I said.

	"Marine! Not really. There's plenty of us seventeen.  I hated being
home.  Just decided to join up.  Didn't know how much I'd miss my girl
though."

	We drove on out through South Dakota, and at about the third stop
we got twenty minutes for dinner.  Carl said we should hurry up, and he
acted like I should go with him, so I did.  We both got cokes and something
that looked like ham andwiches.  They weren't very good, but it filled me
up.  Carl went and got us a second coke.  I tried to pay him, but he said,
"I got it."

	When we passed the boys room, he said, "We better piss. Might be
hours for we stop again.  I don't like trying to pee while I'm moving on
the bus.  I usually piss on myself. I'd rather be standing still."

	He laughed and held the door open for me so I knew to go with him
and all.  We stood beside each other at the urinals, and I used my
excellent peripheral vision to watch him pull out that thing of his.  It
was soft now, but thicker than Drew's when he was on a hard that day.  He
held it at the bottom, so I could see the whole top of it.  The head of it
was really big and looked fat - much fatter than the rest of it. The shaft
had a big thick, twisty vein that ran to the top.

	My own started to rise up a bit so I had to stop looking at him to
piss.  He turned when he finished and looked right at me, and mine quit
pissing.  When I looked at him his was two inches from me as he undid his
belt and tucked in his shirt and only then tucked it in his pants so I
couldn't look on it any more.  Mine stood up in my hand as I watched his
and he saw it and all.

	"Damn, kid.  You're bad as me.  You better finish up or we're going
to miss the bus."

	I stood for a few more minutes and didn't piss until he stopped
looking at mine.  I really got nervous.  When we got back on the bus there
were two sets of empty seats beside us, but he got back in where we had
been before, and I sat beside him like there was no other place.  Now I
wanted to sit there.  I mean he wasn't so bad, but there was a lot more to
it than that. I wouldn't have moved unless he told me to move. He
didn't. We drove on as the sun was setting in front of us.

	Carl went back to sleep and his leg rested against mine right off,
but the bulge never reappeared for me to see or do anything with.  When we
stopped to let some old guy off, Carl sat up and asked me where we were.  I
didn't really know.  Close to North Dakota I thought, but he stretched and
laid more on his back so I could see where it was after that, but it wasn't
big like before.

	I decided since he was back on my side I would let my hand sit on
his leg, and I did a little at a time until I ended up with my hand all the
way on the top of it and the bulge came right back. He moved around for a
couple of minutes until my fingers rested right back on top of it again. He
got real still then.  I felt it moving in my fingers.  When I squeezed it,
it moved with a jerk.

	I rubbed all of it a couple of times to try to figure out how big
the thing was.  It was plenty big!  It was plenty hard then, too. My mind
was on nothing else and I forgot about being careful until I'd examined it
for some time. My own condition was getting no better and it now stabbed
into his leg as I thought I might die right there.

	I liked touching it.  I guess I was figuring out why I didn't
really care about girls, and it made me worry about what my friends would
think.  But I wasn't with them, and I was with Carl, and my pants were
bulging out in the front like his.  After a long time of holding it, I
realized his hand had moved to the side of his leg and when he moved one
time he had his hand on mine.  It went first down onto my leg and then
almost immediately he was feeling it. Up until then I figured he was
sleeping while I felt him up, but then I knew he wasn't sleeping.

	He unzipped his pants and took it out.  I thought I was going to
faint as I looked around thinking someone was watching us.

	"Go ahead," he said in a whisper.  "It's too dark for anyone to
see.  It's okay. I don't mind."

	He put his hand on my wrist and moved my fingers until they were on
that hot hard thing of his.  I mean all kinds of stuff happened to me.  My
face went hot.  My thing just jerked like mad and all that wet stuff I was
putting down in my underwear got to be a serious problem.  I was just glad
he didn't know what a mess I made from touching him.  He kept holding my
wrist on him while he turned so it was pointing toward the window with my
arm wrapped over his leg as I kept a hold of it. The front of my body ended
up pressed against the back of his and after a few minutes he let go of my
wrist, but I didn't let go of him.

	I managed to calm down after about five minutes.  It was then, I
could tell what I got in my hand.  I mean I knew what it was, but I
couldn't really tell much about it 'cept it was big.  I guess I was too
excited by feeling it to be able to realize what it was really like for
quite a spell. My first feeling was that I couldn't get my hand entirely
around the shaft. It was way thick, and the head of that sucker was fatter
than that by a ways.  When I touched it, the skin was soft, but it was hard
as a rock.  He had the same kind of problem with leakage as me.  While my
fingers moved all over it he didn't move a single muscle in his entire
body.  I could feel his heart beating through that thing though and every
minute or two it would jerk in my fist as he made a gentle sound.

	After moving all over it, I got the idea to do to him what I do to
myself when I'm in my room at night where no one knows just what you are
doing.  I thought he would like it.  I sure did, but I didn't know much.  I
moved my hand up and down on it for a time, and he grabbed my wrist and
held it so I couldn't do it no more.

	"I don't like getting off that way," he said kinda rough again.

	So I stopped and just held it for a long time.

	"How then?" I said after thinking on it for a long time and also
getting nerve up to ask him that.

	"How do you think?"

	"I don't know how.  That's what I do to myself when I want to do
something."

	"You never done this before?"

	"No, sir," I swore.  "Never."

	"When a guy and a girl go together, well they get to know each
other, and he puts his inside of hers.  That's what I went home to do, but
the bitch wasn't home.  Pissed me off.  I got six more days' leave.  Three
days to Seattle, and I'm going to get me some there before flying out of
SeaTac.  Not with a hand.  I want to do it proper cause it will be the last
'til I get home again."

	"Some what?"

	"I'm going to get a whore to fuck.  What do you think.  Put it in
her. Give her what for. You pay 'em and get to do what you want."

	"I don't know.  I never thought about where to put it or anything
like that.  I use my hand to do it."

	All this time I'm holding his thing.  It seemed odd to me to be
doing that and him all the time talking about finding some girl to do it
with.  I didn't care as long as he let me keep touching him.  We fell
asleep like that and I woke up in the middle of the night and his rear end
is up against my front end.  He went soft, but I didn't.  I pressed right
up against the back of him and rubbed it into him.  It felt great.  I did
what he told me not to eo and got it to go up and all.  I stopped before I
made a mess on myself, but it was about the best feeling I'd felt up to
that night.  I didn't know how he could sleep with me doing that, but he
did and I was pretty glad he didn't wake up and belt me for it.

	I woke up the next morning alone in the seat.  Carl was across from
me with his feet kicked up on the back of the seat in front of him.  There
were six people up in the front of the bus and us in back.

	"You wake up, kid?"

	"Yeah."

	"I figured I'd give you some room.  You were kinda all over top of
me for awhile."

	"I'm sorry."

	"No big deal.  We'll stop to eat in about an hour the driver said."

	I watched the world pass by that window and no longer liked sitting
alone.  Carl sat on the other side of the bus and stayed quiet.  I looked
at him an awful lot, but he ignored me.  When we ate he went to piss while
he sent me for a coke.  He told me to go piss before we left.  I went alone
this time.  I really felt bad about that.  It was like I found somebody I
really liked for the first time, but he really didn't like me or anything.
Only when he wanted me holding onto his thing did he really like me.

	He ignored me most of the day.  People came and went as we got into
Montana.  One guy sat in the rear with us and rode a few hours and got out.
He talked to Carl and made me mad about it.  At one time there were only
four of us, then more got on in a city.  I don't know the name.  It started
getting late after dinner, and all the lights went out, and Carl stood up
to get something out of his bag. I sat next to the isle so my face was even
with his pants, and I looked right there where I knew it was but couldn't
see it.  I wanted to unzip him and put my hand in there, but I didn't do
that.

	"You okay kid," he said, when he sat down.

	"Sure."

	"Awful quiet."

	"Didn't think you wanted to talk to me."

	"Nah!  Just got stuff on my mind, kid.  Going to Japan and all."

	"Thought you was mad at me because . . . ah . . . you know
. . . and all."

	"Shit no!  That was cool.  You're cool kid.  Just that you're,
well, you know.  Just a kid.  Don't want to give anyone ideas about me
spending time like that.  So many seats empty and all." He leaned over into
the middle of the isle and whispered to me, "I'll sit over there later for
awhile.  Okay?  You know?  Let you do what you want to Tiger down there.
That make you feel better, kid?"

	"Sure."

	I know I beamed like a stupid school girl when he said that to me.
He rubbed it when he sat back in his seat.  He looked at me and smiled and
rubbed himself until it bulged out.  He pressed his hands down on the sides
of it so it stuck out all the way up the front of him.  He smiled at me
real big like.  He went to looking back out the window and watched the
lights come on in a small town we were going through.  I kept waiting for
him to come sit next to me, but he stayed over there until I fell asleep.

	I woke up with him running it against my face, on my lips.  He was
leaning with his back against the window and my face was in his lap and his
thing was right there.  He rubbed it on each side of my face and ran the
tip across my lips.  I was dripping big time in my underwear again.  That
skin was so soft.  It was the softest thing I ever felt on my skin.  It
scared me though because I knew what he wanted from me.  That's why he got
so nice to me.  He thought I would do it to him and all.

	"You okay with that?" he said feeling my face.

	"I don't know," I said.

	"You like it don't you? I mean you want it."

	"I guess."

	He reached for the front of my pants and felt my erection.

	"You like it all right.  You're hard up too.  Why don't you go
ahead."

	"What?"

	"Put your mouth on it for awhile.  I like that as much as putting
it inside my girl friend."

	"I don't think I should do that," I said.

	"You'll like it, kid.  You think it's good to hold.  It's better to
suck on, kid. Just try it. Please!"

	"I can't," I said.

	"Why not. You'll like it."

	"I'm scared," I said.

	"Come on.  You're touching it all the time I'm over here with you,
aren't I.  I let you do that cause I know it's what you are liking, but I
like it when someone puts their lips on me.  You know you like it."

	"I never done that before."

	"You've done it now, and you like to do it.  Look how hard you
are."

"I know that.  You're hard too."

"Cause your on it all the time.  That's why I'm hard.  Go ahead.  You'll
like it.  You know you want it, kid.  You're more horny than me.  You want
it."

"I don't think so."

"I need it. Man, you know you want to."

"I'm scared."

"You're a sissy.  Go ahead and take it in your mouth."

Once again he brushed it across my lips.  Then he placed the head on my
lips and moved it all over my lips trying to get me to open wide.  The
sticky stuff got on my lips.  I wanted to barf, but I wanted to do that to
him, but I didn't, and I didn't.  He held my head and tried to get me to,
but I turned my head until he stopped.  He stood up and facing me sliding
his back across the seats in front of us.  His dick stood out a mile from
his zipper.  He pulled my face forward onto it, but I turned my head.  He
leaned there for a few seconds and put it in his pants and sat back across
the aisle.  I watched him as he sat in the outside seat closest to me but
he looked out of the window.

"You know you want it," he said, after about ten minutes of ignoring me.

"I don't know that.  You want me to want it.  That's all.  You are the one
that wants it.  You said you wanted it inside your girl.  I'm not her."

"I'll do it to you if you'll do it to me.  I'll do it to you first, but
then you got to do it all the way."

"No." I said.

"Why not?"

"I'm scared.  I never did that before."

"You're a sissy.  You know you want it."

He went to staring out the window again.  Just after we made a stop and
everyone settled down, he came back over to sit by the window.  He turned
on the light over his seat and unzipped his pants.  He watched me watch him
like the eye of an eagle.  He rubbed it through his zipper and let me see
the bulge of it hidden by his fly, but didn't pull it at all out of there.

Carl grinned at me and said in a very low voice, "That's so when you want
it you can get it out.  I know you'll want it tonight.  You're still a
sissy."

He turned out the light and spread out across me and one and a half seats.
I waited for him to start sleeping before I did it.  He no longer had his
underwear on.  He must have taken it off in the john at the last stop.  I
felt the hair around it as soon as my hand went inside there.  It was soft
and nice that way.  I once more put mine up against his rear end as I
reached over him to touch his.

After awhile he got back up real nice.  It made me more interested when it
got like that.  I got excited rubbing up against him.  When he reached
around and grabbed me, I jumped.  He unzipped me and brought mine out of my
pants.  He pulled on it and found the sticky stuff and played in it like it
intrigued him.  I held my breath so I wouldn't make a mess.  No one had
never felt mine naked before, except me.

"There.  You'll get more out of it that way."

"Your pants are itchy.  I don't like that," I said, and let go of him to
put mine away. "You're hand was better."

When I heard the belt buckle clinking I thought he was putting himself back
again, but the next thing I knew he was sliding his pants down.

"There.  That should be soft enough for you.  I ain't a sissy.  You go
ahead and feel real good.  I'll lie here letting you do what you want for
yourself while I go with nothing put a hand on mine."

I leaned back over to him and let mine rub against his skin.  It was like
when I first touched his naked thing.  I mean hot and faint and all kinds
of feelings that kept me from feeling anything.  It seemed like I was in
the water and a huge wave just ran up over top of me.  He reached for mine
and rubbed it hard against his skin.  He reached for my hand and pressed it
on him when I forgot to hold him for a few minutes.  It was even bigger
when he made me do it.  I moved mine up and down on his skin when I calmed
down enough to know to do that to feel better and all.

"You do something on me and I'll kick your ass," he said.

"I won't," I said, hoping I wouldn't but willing to take the chance.

I pulled on him like he had made me stop doing the night before, but he
didn't stop me this time.  He took mine in his hand again and placed it in
his crack.  It felt warm and nice like.  It just held me real tight against
his skin.  I wanted to do stuff to him there, but I knew not to.  Getting
belted would ruin it for sure.

"You try to stick it in me, and I'll kick your ass," he said defining the
territory where I roamed more completely.

"I won't," I said.  "It feels awful good though.  I never did this before.
It's really nice and all."

"Can I do it to yours?" he said.

"I don't know," I said.

"Fucking sissy.  I won't go inside you.  I'd never fit in your little
skimpy ass anyway."

"It's what you wanted to do with your girl friend, and I don't believe you
won't put it inside me.".

I couldn't hold myself still.  The more I moved it the better it felt.  I
also felt like I was going to make a mess all over him, and not wanting to
get my ass kicked, I kept reminding myself of my self control.  It worked
and I didn't, but I sure wanted to.  At first he seemed real tense-like.
It was hard to move much because his muscles kept me from doing much, but
it seemed like the more I moved up and down the crack, the more he let me
move up and down the crack.  When I got near where his hole was I should
have been really made sick by thinking my thing was rubbing against where
he did his business, but I thought of that once, and then I thought how
good it felt when it rubbed him there.

I knew I was leaking on him, but it wasn't like doing it a lot, and I was
sure that was what he didn't want me to do on him . The sticky stuff got on
his crack and on his hole, and it felt real nice rubbing up and down across
there and all.  Like I said, he relaxed with me doing that, so it couldn't
have made him mad.  I also knew I was getting his sticky stuff in my hand,
so it couldn't have been too bad for him.  He didn't say anything and
pretty soon I was pushing hard when I rubbed against the hole of him.  He
seemed to not mind so much any more.

We stayed like this an hour or maybe more than that.  It wasn't possible
for me to know how much time I spent rubbing the hole and pulling on him
like I did myself, only slow.  I did real good, considering I was so close
to making a mess most of the time.  I didn't know if I could keep from it.
After a long long time of doing this to him, he pulled up his pants without
saying anything to me at all.  I thought he was mad again, but then he put
my hand back on it, and I held him there until I fell asleep late, late
that night some time.

He rode beside me our last day and night together.  He never went back
across the bus, but more and more people started to get on the closer to
Seattle we got.  Every once in awhile he'd put my hand on the front of his
pants, and he put his hand on the front of mine.  We used a small blanket
he had to hide it.  He would have his out whenever I put my hand under the
blanket.  I would then put mine out and he no longer minded touching me
there.  We rode like that for a long way to Seattle that last full day.

When night fell, he put his pants down some more and let me ride against
him for most of the night. I did not sleep because I liked it too much and
knew it was all the time we would be together.  I wanted so much to do
something else with the hole of his, but I knew better than that.  We could
not talk because of all the people around, but he rubbed my stomach and my
legs while I rubbed hard on the hole of his.

When the light started up the next morning, we stopped, but I don't think
he wanted to stop any more than I did at all. He kept looking at me like no
one had ever looked at me before.

				   *****

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bjwalkerjr@37.com

If you ARE enjoying this, try my other story, DISCOVERING GREGORY,
/nifty/gay/highschool/discovering-gregory/