Date: Tue, 11 Jan 2005 22:01:40 -0800 (PST)
From: gaymormonwriter@yahoo.com
Subject: Born To Be A Missionary Chapter 19 adult/youth

(Hi, here's the next chapter, a little quicker than it took for the last
one. I received a really great email from a young man about the
story. Great emails like his have encouraged to keep the story
going...thanks.)


Born To Be A Missionary
Chapter 19


>From Jamie's perspective:

It was a great night with Steve. He was amazing. I got up earlier and
discovered that Dad and Rick weren't home. We had the house to ourselves. I
think I had the most restful sleep that I ever had. I watch Steve sleep, he
looks so peaceful, his beautiful body in contrast to the blue sheets, was
just so sexy. I wonder if I will feel the same about Steve 20 years from
now. Silly, of course I will. I can't image ever being with him. Steve
shook me back to reality as he turned over. I climbed into bed next to him.

"Hey sleepyhead."

"Hi Jamie."

"How did you sleep?"

"It was fantastic, I dreamed about us. It was nice."

"I have been for a couple of hours and I just couldn't bring myself to wake
you. I fix us a late lunch."

"Late lunch? What time is it?"

"About 2."

"Wow, we did sleep late."

"Steve, my love?."

"Yes, Jamie my love."

"Your father called and left a message for my Dad. I heard the machine when
he called. He wants to meet with my Dad about you and me."

"How did he sound?"

"He sounded alright, not upset or anything."

"Okay." Steve didn't look too happy so I leaned over and kissed him
deeply. Needless to say, we didn't get to my lunch for a while. When we
did, Steve ate everything and wanted more. Is he still a growing
boy...maybe. I wonder where he will grow...hehe.  I knew my Dad, his talk
with Steve's Dad should go well...I hope.


>From Jim's perspective:


I am standing here with Kevin still astounded by what he told me about the
dream.

"Are you going to give your mother that message, Kevin?"

"I don't know. It was so weird...the dream that is."

"Why is that?"

"It didn't bother me that the 3 men were naked, but I suspected they were
all there for the same reason. It was like the 3 of them were there to be
judged about their lives. I really don't know why I felt that. I pleaded to
them to let Terry come back to me and Mom."

"Can you tell me anymore details?"

"Well, I remember that the men at the table were dressed in white with
green, ah...what looked like green aprons."

Now I am thinking this dream is a little weird. I know that the white with
green aprons hit a cord with me.

"Do you remember anything about the other two men?"

"Yeah, just that one was probably around Terry's age and the other was
about 40, the younger one looked really sad.  That's about all I can
remember."

"Okay."

"I should tell my mother shouldn't I?"

"That's up to you, Kevin."

During this time, Kevin was still holding Terry's hand. Terry gave it
another squeeze. Kevin's eyes got real big. Kevin looked up at me and said,
"I guess that is what he wants."

"Yes, it looks like it."




>From Gary's perspective:

Now it's my turn. With the incredible stories I just heard, mine is so
trivial.

"We will like to call Brother Tyler to offer his testimony for Brother
Gary."  I shouldn't have been surprised, that I would get Tyler for my
witness. The Elders ushered him in. Tyler came over to me and kissed me
right on the mouth. Great, how is that going to help my case? It was a nice
kiss, though.

"Gentlemen, I am here for my friend and my companion Brother Gary. Yes, I
was raised in a proper Mormon home so I know the values that are taught to
us. I know that homosexuality is wrong and is a sin. Brother Gary and I
disagree on some of those issues. For me, it started a young age and I knew
what I wanted. But I hid it. I wanted to go on my mission so badly. I met
Brother Gary at church when he transferred into the area with his job. My
father asked him if he had any jobs at his work for a young, soon to be a
16-year-old boy. Gary said sure. I found Gary personally a very lonely
man. I didn't know why for sure, but he was alone. Gary and I had some
great conversations about church and religion while working. I grew to like
him very much. Gary told me that he always moves around a lot and each
place he goes, there is a reason for him to be there."

"As a boss, he was always fair and honest. Gave everyone a chance to do
well and succeed. I learned a lot about the business from him. He taught me
things and I taught him things. I had to constantly keep after him to go to
church. At first he told me he didn't know why he was in town at this
job. Then he told months later, that he felt the reason he was in this
location was to meet me. I saw that just being around him, he had a good
heart and had a testimony of the church. Then he left for another
transfer. I was the one who kept in touch. I considered him a good
friend. He never dismissed me as a pest and always took the time to talk to
me when I called or visited."

Tyler turned and looked at me and said, "I missed him when he left."

"You, see, I, being gay am still in tune with the church, I never stopped
believing in the word and the teachings. It is sad that those of "us" who
have the faith cannot practice because we are not the type of "family" that
the church wants to represent itself. I was torn for years as I wanted my
faith, the church and my family and yet, I realized I was gay and I could
lose everything I have known. I have since discovered that I was able to
keep my faith and my family. But the church lost me and I lost my chance to
go on a mission for the church and I would have been a great missionary. I
prepared all my life for a mission, and the church and I both lost."

"Gary and I talked all the time about church and my future mission. He
needed a friend and I knew he didn't have any. Not even in our ward did he
make friends. He told me he felt isolated. I had to keep after him to go to
church because I think it hurt him that he didn't have anyone to go with or
anyone to see there. I knew he had the faith, I knew he had been to the
temple for his endowments. I think the worst kind of loneliness here is
when you go to a Mormon ward and you feel like you don't belong. For Gary,
to go a Sacrament meeting was to sit next to the exit and slip out when it
was over."

"I kept in touch with Gary, following him around to his new job transfer. I
don't know why he felt like he had to roam the country, moving so often,
maybe he was trying to find a place to settle down, but I think he just was
too restless. I called him after I turned 18 and told him that I had been
sexually active with men. I would say he was extremely surprised. I asked
him if he was homosexual then and he said no. But our relationship changed
after that call because I changed it. From a casual friendship to a
personal friendship, I let him into my life. I didn't know than how it
would change each of our lives."

Tyler turned to me again and said, "I didn't regret letting you into my
life than, I regret how things turned out afterwards."

"I feel I know this man as well as anyone. I know his heart is sound and
good. He isn't an evil person just because he is homosexual. He is loving,
caring and worries about other people."

I guess he is right about that, I am holding hands with both the young men
who are seated with me.

"I don't want my life with Brother Gary to be over with. I found him
finally after several years, and I want to see where our life together will
go. He and I still have much work to do together for each other and
others. Please send him back to me. I don't know what I would do without
now. It isn't his time."

Tyler turned towards me. I got up and took him into my arms. I whispered
into his ear.

"If I pass, you go on...you have so much life to live for and share with so
many.  I can't tell you not to grieve for me, but don't do it for too
long. In your heart, you are and always will be a missionary in your own
way. You can be a missionary for all of us, let people know that they can
be gay and still have faith. Will you promise to do that?"

I felt his hug tighten against me. "Yes, Gary, I will." Tyler whispered
back, "but you are coming to back to me."

"I hope so."

Tyler kissed me again and turned and walked away into the darkness behind
us. I sat down.

The room got quiet.

"Elders, we are very disappointed in how you have handled these cases. We
are shocked that you have brought in as witnesses...homosexuals. Two
proclaiming love for their lovers and a third proclaiming his brotherly
love. I, for one, do not understand how these witnesses could effect our
rulings."

"Sirs," said Elder Martin, " Elder Lewis and I feel that to condemn these
men is not right. Yes, they have sinned. Everyone sins in life. It is how
we learn to become humble. Homosexuality has been declared an abomination
in the Old Testament. The Old Testament is filled with so much sin, murder
and treachery. If we lived by the some of the teachings of the Old
Testament, we would no longer be civilized people. The Ten Commandments
does not say, '...thou shall only be with a woman." We are taught to act
"Christ like", but yet would Christ turn his back on homosexuals? He never
turned his back against anyone. Jesus taught love and understanding and
acceptance of all people.  Today, we sit in judgment of these 3
individuals. Did Jesus ever sit in judgment of anyone? No. He welcomed
everyone and anyone. He chastised those who wanted to punish those who
didn't fit in or sinned."

"But, Elder, this is about human behavior. These three men 'choose' to be
sexually involved with men. That is a sin," spoke one of the twelve.

"A sin has described in the Old Testament. Written at a time when science
and mental health was unknown. Sir, it has been proved that sexually the
DNA and / or genes of the parents, whether homosexual or heterosexual,
determine sexuality. It is a biological issue. It is part of the nature of
the individual."

"That isn't how the scriptures presents it, Elder."

"The scriptures are, as we teach in our missionary lessons, correct as far
as they are translated. Sighting possible translation errors or the
personal opinions of the scribes who translated the original texts. Yes, I
know, in the end, we live by how the scriptures read today."

"I don't agree with the biological issue as you presented it, Elder."

"Why?"

"Because the scriptures don't support it."

"Yes."

"Again, sir, the scriptures speak for themselves at time when men were not
educated as we are today, the importance of "free will" was not
emphasized. I know you are going to say that "free will" is making
choices. We rely on the church and the scriptures to guide us in our
lives. We all make 'choices' about our lives. We all learn from those
choices. We always have the "free will" to change the course of any of our
lives. For so many Mormons, the blueprint of life is presented in church
from the moment we learn to comprehend. That blueprint is strict and rigid
at times and for a lot of Mormons, they live it completely. It is
considered "safe" and nearly a guarantee into entering the Celestial
Kingdom. So many Mormons find themselves slipping off the blueprint for one
reason or another. For homosexuals, it is hanging on to the pages
edges. Some wanting to be apart of their religion that they many have grown
up with, some bitter in the way they were treated by the church for being
homosexual, some in fear of losing their life, some in fear of losing their
loved ones, some in fear of losing the most precious thing of all of
these...the love of our Heavenly Father."

"For their reality, it is a time of grief and fear that no one should have
to engage in. Falling in love with someone is everyone's God given
gift. But, to find that there are rules as to "who" you fall in love with
is totally unfair."

"Elder, you are challenging the scriptures with this statement."

"That is the point Sir, we have always challenged the
scriptures. Challenging the interpretations of each word and verse. How
many scholars can debate the meaning on one verse and not agree with it's
meaning?"

"How long did it take the Mormon church to accept men of color into the
priesthood? Was that a revelation of acceptance due to a political
atmosphere of our times today or the fact that the priesthood and all it's
benefits are entitled to all men who are worthy?"

"Elder, that isn't a fair comparison."

Elder Martin turned to Elder Lewis.

"Oh, sir, yes it is. Are you going to tell all the men in this room
including these 3 men that the person that they fall in love with can keep
them out of the church or even Heaven?  Love is what our church and the
life of Jesus Christ is all about."

The Elder walked up to the table, this time holding scriptures in his
hands. I was beginning to be in awe of these two young men acting as our
advocates. I figured that the scripture quoting was now going to fly around
the room.

"Elder in Leviticus 18:29 it says that "therefore whosoever shall commit
any of these abominations, even the souls that commit them shall be 'cut
off from among their people', Elder, the abominations include in this
chapter lying in carnally with thy neighbor's wife, profane the name of the
lord, lying with mankind as with womankind."

"It is our duty to dispatch sinners from the church, according to these
scriptures."

The Elder seemed determined not to be shut down.

"But sir, that is the Old Testament ways. Though some are necessary even
today, not all teachings have been found to be necessary among us now."

Now everyone had their scriptures out for action, the Elders and the
gentlemen at the table of white.

"Elder, the New Testament calls for the same condemnation in 1 Corinthians
6:9 ..." and the scripture duel continued for some time. I didn't know that
in the Old Testament that homosexuals need to be "outed" so that everyone
knows who they are.

The gentlemen at the table were flashing pages and the reading of the sins
and condemnation and the Elders were chose to remind the gentlemen of the
works of Jesus Christ.

It was Elder Martin who challenged the men.

"We each choose our sins as no one in this room is without sin. You want to
call homosexuality as a abnormality of behavior, like a alcoholic is to
liquor, an obese person is to food, as a drug addict is to drugs, that
homosexual is a sick individual, capable of healing and curing themselves
of their sexual attraction to the same sex."

"If there was an intervention or cure for homosexuality than bring it on
for everyone who wishes not to be afflicted in your eyes. Medical science
has proven that human genes and DNA from the two parents may determine what
they become."

"Does an individual choose his skin color, or his eye color, his body type,
his favorite colors, whether he becomes bald, to be sickly at birth,
develop cancer or other medical conditions, etc. We all inherit traits from
out parents, whether dormant or outstanding, we are the biological product
of two human beings and what they process. Sexual orientation is also an
inherited trait. Heavenly Father provides the soul that will illuminate the
body; I believe the soul is non-sexual, as it has no choice as to which
body it inhabits. 21 grams of soul is all we get and yet it is the life
force of all of us. But through our own natural human struggles, some are
internal and some are external, we still live by the soul. The 3 brothers
sitting before you, of course, all have souls. One is sad, one is angry and
bitter, one was lost only to be found and yet all 3 have one thing in
common, they love the same sex."

"They can be righteous, dedicated, have love for Jesus Christ and Heavenly
Father, faithful in all other aspects of their life and yet, be condemned
for one thing, just one. They could discover cures for mankind's illnesses,
they could do volunteer work to help the ill and disabled, they could lead
an army of brave souls into a battle, they could rescue injured people,
they could perform CPR on any of you and save your life...but the one thing
they will be remembered for is not their humankind accomplishments, they
will be vilified for being homosexual."



>From Jim's perspective:

I left Kevin to talk to his mother. The dream was interesting and it
apparently seemed very vivid for Kevin. I stopped in to check on Joel, his
parents were with him. They were trying to be strong and they have each
other to lean on. I talked with them for a while and knew I would have to
have a serious chat with them if Joel recovers. Joel remained comatose. But
his vitals remained stable. I have hope in my heart for him. I went back to
the cafeteria to look for Rick and Tyler. There weren't there. I went to
the waiting room and found Rick sitting with Tyler was lying down on one of
the sofas, as he was taking a nap. I am surprised he didn't conk out
sooner. Poor guy. I sat down with Rick.

"How's he doing?" I asked.

"He finally finished his dinner. We came up here and he said he was just
done in and laid down and went to sleep. He has been somewhat restless
while he has been sleeping."

"I went to see Terry and found Kevin sleeping in the chair next to
him. Terry lightly squeezed his hand and Kevin woke up immediately. There's
hope. By the way, Kevin had a really weird dream, but I will tell you about
it later."

"Okay." Rick than looked at me, "How are you doing, my love?"

"Oh, it has been kind of overwhelming. But, I am hopeful for everyone."

Tyler started to stir. All of sudden he shot up looking none too happy.

I got up and sat down next to him. Tyler looked up at me and seemed very
unnerved.

"What's wrong, Tyler?"

"I had this really strange dream, Terry was there." He immediately got up
almost panicky, "I have to go to him now."

Rick and I followed Tyler to Gary's room. Tyler was several steps ahead of
us as we entered he was already at Gary's bedside, holding his hand and
caressing his forehead. There were tears running down his face. Tyler
looked very distressed.

"Tyler?" I asked.

"I can't lose you Gary, I can't, don't leave me here with out you, please?"

Rick and I exchanged looks.

"Tyler, what is it?"

"It was about Gary, this dream and Gary was there."

Tyler's eyes never left Gary's face as he started to talk about his dream.

"I was in a room, there were 3 men sitting under white lights, beyond them
was this table of 12 or 13 men, dressed in white. There were 2 missionaries
who brought me into the room. It was so strange. Gary sat between two
younger men and they were naked."

Rick grabbed my hand and squeezed as he noticed the look on my face of
stunned bewilderment.

"I stood before the table and pleaded for Gary's life, I told them that he
was a good man and it wasn't his time to go. I told them that I needed him
in my life. I loved him. When I finished I embraced Gary. Gary whispered to
me that if anything happens to him to go on with my life, that I had so
many good things to, and he would be waiting for me when my time came."

By this time Tyler was sobbing. Rick went to him and put his arms around
him. Tyler looked up at me, "Doctor, does this mean he is going to die? It
does, doesn't it?"

I got Rick to sit Tyler in the chair next to the bed. I sat next to him.

"Tyler, dreams have a way of telling us things, yes. If we listen or even
remember them, we learn many things. I think in the dream you expressed
what was in your heart about Gary. You said Gary told you 'if something
happens', there is so much hope for Gary to recover. You have to be
strong."

"I don't know, Doctor. It seemed so real."

"Gary is still here, he hasn't left you. Hold onto your faith Tyler. Pray
for him."

I motioned for Rick to follow me out to the hallway.

"Rick, something is happening here."

"What do you mean?"

"The dream that Tyler had was nearly the same as Kevin's dream. The men at
the white table, the three men in white light, the missionaries. I think it
is more than a coincidence."

Rick looked a little skeptic, so I had an idea.

"Come on, we need to go to Terry's room."

Rick followed, he had that look on his face that I was nuts. We got to
Terry's room and we found Kevin sitting with his brother.

"Hi Kevin."

"Hi Doctor."

"Any change?"

"No."

"Kevin, will you go for a walk with Rick and me and give your mother a
chance to be alone with Terry?"

Kevin looked over at his mother and she nodded her head yes.

Kevin got up and started walking with Rick and me to Joel's room.

"Where are we going?" asked Kevin.

"This is another patient of mine, his name is Joel. I would like you to see
him."

"Why?"

"I might have an idea about your dream."

"Okay."

We turned the corner and entered Joel's room. We all stood at the foot of
the bed. Kevin moved towards Joel and stood next to the bed.  Joel looked
so peaceful. Except for the monitors beeping, it was quiet.

"Doctor?"

"Yes."

"I know this guy. He was in my dream."


End of Chapter 19