Date: Fri, 1 Apr 2005 12:49:05 -0800 (PST) From: gaymormonwriter@yahoo.com Subject: Born To Be A Missionary Chapter 28 adult/youth Born To Be A Missionary Chapter 28 (Author's notes: The usual legal and copy write notices.) >From Joel's perspective: "I still have a lot of questions for you two." I said "We know." Adam said. "What's your first question, Joel?" Aaron asked. "What made you think that Terry and I would become close, what indication in the dream led you to that?" Aaron and Adam looked at each other, than Adam began speaking. "Well, I believe that all dreams are an interpretation of a life experience, whether in the past or in the future. Though this was a 'collective' dream, all we can do is assume what the implications are. This dream, in my mind was for the 'present' in time. We were in what I believe was Gary's dream, the end of his life as he believed it to be, presenting his life before a group of 12 high priests from the church. Quite possibly as the interpretation of the gospel in his mind, with the Quorum of the 12 as the governing wisdom for his final judgment before passing through the Vail. We shared an extraordinary experience with Gary. Gary could have been the conduit of our lives, to bring us together for a purpose we have yet to figure out. For you and Terry, holding Gary's hands was your personal conduit to bring you two together. You felt the love and compassion of each other and Gary as it passed through him to each other." Than Aaron spoke. "As destiny would have it, if you believe in destiny, we all are together now. Based solely upon our own recollections and reflections of the dream. Since, we have had this life altering experience, and have seen and heard things that would astound the world, we are left us a small group of 'touched' souls, looking for answers to questions we never thought we would be asking." "So you are possibly saying that Joel's and mine path in our lives, as vastly different as they are, were destined to fall into place, that we would met in a dream, fall in love and live happily ever after? Maybe I am just too much of a skeptic." Terry said. "If I am wrong, tell me Terry," Adam said, "That your life as been full of disappointments, misadventures, sadness and a lack of positive life affirming guidance." I felt Terry grimace over that. His hand, suddenly tighten on mine. "I am judging by the look on your face Terry, that I am right?" Adam said. Terry nodded his head. "You have only felt your mother's love and with Joel, you are feeling for the first time the sense of caring from someone else." Aaron said. Terry nodded his head. "I have been so angry for so long," Terry said, "but since I awoke from the dream, the anger and bitterness have been gone. If you had told me last week at this time that I would be here, in a hospital, after being beaten, having a dream where I have met so many people, my brother coming out to me, and finding Joel? I would have said you were nuts. That I never saw anything like this coming into my life like this. But I am still the outcast in this group. I am not a Mormon, nor does it sound like that I would want to be, but there is some things I can't deny." "Yes, there are things we all can't deny." Adam said. "We can't deny that we are all gay. We can't deny that we felt something spiritually wonderful, despite how our religious convictions fall. We can't deny that our paths have now crossed and some how we will be benefited from that. We can't deny that we are being blessed in some form or another for what has happen between us." "But what about Tyler? He is the one who suffers the loss of Gary, how will he reconcile all of this?" I asked. "Adam and I both felt the love Tyler and Gary had together, it filled the dream. We are anxious to meet Tyler. We are expected to meet him on Thursday in Dr. Haines office. He is arranging for Tyler and Kevin to be there." Aaron walked up to Terry and took his right hand. "I know it isn't right that you won't be there, but I am sure that Joel will come back and tell you everything. Adam and I will be back to see you again, just because you are not Mormon doesn't make you less important in our group. And yes, we were serious about you and Joel coming to work for us and we work out the details." Aaron looked up at me. "Joel, I believe you will be released on Thursday and we can make the arrangements to start your employment. Do you have someplace to go when you are released?" "I assumed I would be going back home with my mother, but she tells me she is finding an apartment to move into and wants me to come with her. Though I don't know how she will react when she finds I have a boyfriend that I might want to bring home." I said, looking at Terry. Adam and Aaron both chuckled. "Well, let us know." Aaron said. "Here let me give you our cards so you can get a hold of us. And also, we might suggest that you guys find out about the genealogy in both your families. We can start looking for a link there." I looked at Terry and I didn't think he understood, I would explain it to him later. "We can do that." I said. Aaron than reached into his coat pocket and produced two business cards and handed them to me. "Aaron and I have some business appointments to attend to, so we will be on our way." "I am glad we met." I said as I came around to shake their hands. "We are too," Aaron said. "I think we have a lot of things to do and accomplish together." They shook Terry's hand and were gone. After the door closed, Terry looked up at me. "You consider me a 'boyfriend'? And what is genealogy?" Terry asked. I looked down upon him, his eyes were curious. "Okay, first about the boyfriend thing, yeah, I would like that. You?" A big smile appeared on his face. "Yes, I would like that to." "Terry, we are going to go slow with this. I want to get to know you and no sex until we are ready. And don't give me that 'hurt' look about sex." "I was just playing. I understand. It will be a new experience with me to have a boyfriend, someone I can be close with." "Good." "Second, genealogy is the history of your family roots. All Mormons are taught to study their family history as far back as they can. The church in Salt Lake has what we have been told, the largest genealogy library in the world. Members and non-members are welcome to use the library." "Oh, okay. That would be interesting." >From Jim's perspective: I walked in the hospital room door to find Joel and Terry holding hands. They both looked up at me. They looked at me like deers caught in someone's headlights. "Hi guys, how are you doing?" "We are doing good, Doctor." Terry said. "Good, I have come in to confer with Joel." "Okay." Terry said. "Joel, will go out to the nurses station and I will be with you in a few minutes." "Okay doctor." Joel said and slipped out the door. I looked at Terry and was pleased with what I saw. He looked happy and had that light in his eyes which all I saw was darkness when we met. "So how do you feel, Terry?" "I am still some pain. But I am feeling pretty good." "Did you guys enjoy meeting Aaron and Adam?" "Yeah, they seem like cool guys. They offered jobs to us." "Oh really, that's good." I said. "How are things with you and Joel?" "Why did you put us together, Doctor?" "You suspect I had ulterior motives by putting you two into the same room?" "Yes, I do." "I was hoping you two could support each other, help deal with what has tormented both of you. I like using group sessions with some of my patients. But I thought that it would work better for you two alone." "I feel like I have known him all my life. He makes me feel like he cares about me. I like that." "I am sure you do. I caught you two holding hands." "Yes, I guess it's moving kind of fast, but he wants me as a boyfriend and I have never had that before." "Yeah, I would say it was fast. You guys only met yesterday." "I know. I have been with enough guys to know that Joel is really special. But I am kind of afraid about that too." "Why?" "I don't know how I can ever fill Brian's shoes. I know he loves him still, I can feel it." "Terry, no matter what, he will always have feelings for Brian. But Brian hurt him deeply too. If Joel wants a relationship with you, than it sounds like he is ready to move on. Don't think you have to compete with Brian for Joel's affection. Joel's heart is big enough to have feelings for you and still a place for Brian. Don't let Brian come between you two. If you value what you have or may have with Joel, don't push him to hard. Talk to him, let him tell you how he feels." "Okay, I will." "I am going to talk with Joel and I will send him back in about an hour." "Okay. Doctor." I left the room and found Joel and we headed to the Doctors Lounge, which was empty. Joel and I sat down at the table. I looked at Joel and found a sparkle in his eye that I hadn't seen before. "Terry tells me that you two are boyfriends now." "Yeah, do you think we are moving to fast for this to happen?" "That depends on you two, whether it will work or not. Neither of you have had a sense of a real relationship. Yours with Brian was over before it had time to real blossom into something special. So the two of you are treading into new territory that you will both explore and patience with each other is going to be of the essence." "I...I am scared." "That's normal to be scared the first time out." "But I loved Brian so much...I still do." Joel's expression was one of pleading and caution. "Joel, what you had with Brian is always going to be with you. He is in your heart. But your heart has room for other people. With Terry, he comes from a different situation and background." "Is that why you put us together?" "I put you two together because of the self destructive incidents that put you both in the hospital. You were so misery and distraught that ending your life, seemed to be the only recourse. For Terry, he chose to do it another way. I didn't even come to the conclusion to put you two together until the dream. When I thought that a connection had formed between you two, I decided to take advantage of it. I thought the emotional support would grow into a friendship. A friendship I thought the two of you needed, as isolated as the two of you seemed. It becoming more of a friendship is definitely between the two of you." "There is a 3 year difference in our ages, he hasn't even graduated high school." "Why does that bother you?" Looking a little bewildered Joel said, "He has some growing up to do, I think." "I think you both have some growing to do, emotionally and maturity wise." "So you do think we are too young to have a relationship together?" "I would be a hypocrite if I did. My son is the same age as Terry. He has been in a gay relationship since he was 14. Jamie and Steve have grown together and seemed to be handling most things in a mature fashion, being as unselfish with each other as possible. So, no, I don't think age is an issue here. The most important thing you can do is, be honest with each and keep the communication wide open. Don't hold anything back. That has worked for me in my relationship." "I don't want sex right away with Terry, my only experience has a lot of mixed emotions." "Well, Joel, that is to be understandable and that should only be encountered when both of you are ready for it. There should be no need to rush. But look what is going on now. You seem prepared to go on with your life. You see possibilities of finding some peace in your heart over Brian. You have found new friends and support from your mother." "Yes, I have." "Joel, I need to ask you if you have any more thoughts of hurting yourself?" Joel looked up at me. His eyes were soft, his expression slightly pained. He slowly shook his head no. "I don't think I could ever do that again. But I never want to feel like that again either, so desperate and heartbroken." "I suspect that as long as you continue to open your eyes and see what is actually in front of you and realize that things in life can change, that you can make them change for yourself, and doing what is right in your heart than you should never feel like that again. I am not guarantying that you won't feel pain and heartache, that's life, but you will find better ways of dealing with those emotions when they happen." "I wonder and worry about what life will be like with Terry." "Joel, if you don't take chances in your life, than you never know what might happen. Good or bad. It is better to take those chances and learn from them. It is what I call 'missed opportunities' if one avoids putting themselves out there and letting themselves live the life that has been given to us. Don't cheat other people out of getting to know you and having you in their lives." "I don't know how my mother is going to react when she finds out I have a boyfriend." "Then you should tell her now so she can get used to it. If she has come this far with you than I am sure she should be fine with it." "I guess you're right. I just have a lot of emotions going on now. I love what I am feeling with Terry. I love the way my mother has been here for me. I am sad about my dad though. And this dream is still perplexing me some." "And I am sure Terry is feeling the same way, except how he feels about his father." "I know." "Okay, I think we are done here unless you have something else you want to talk about?" "No. Not right now. So I will see you tomorrow?" "Yes. I should complete my evaluation of you tomorrow and I don't see any problem with your release." "Okay. That's good." I walked Joel back to his room and left as he walked in. >From Joel's perspective: The doctor left me as I came back into the room and found Kevin with his brother. "Hi Joel," Kevin said. "Hi Kevin." I said. "Terry told me about you two. I am thrilled." With that Kevin came over and gave me a hug. I shot a look at Terry and immediately I read, "I am sorry" in his eyes. Kevin stepped back and I asked him, "How are you doing Kevin?" "I am doing good. My mother and your mother seem to be hanging out a lot. I think they will be real happy about you two." "Kevin," Terry began, "Let Joel and I tell them, okay?" "Yeah, sure. I am just glad and honored to be the first to know." I couldn't help but smile at that. "I was just telling Terry about our Dad and brother." "News?" I asked. "Yeah, since Mom refused to post bail for them, they are still in jail. Our brother called Mom and wanted to see her. She declined. She said he started crying and was so sorry for what he did. He didn't know why he did it. Mom told him that she was put Dad's and his stuff into storage for them and that she would not be welcome back into the house Told him that she would have to think about whether to see him in the future, but until then she has signed for restraining orders against both of them." "Wow." I said. "Yeah, he wanted to beg for forgiveness with her and Terry. I don't know how sincere he is. I think he found out that they were going to prosecute him as an adult, even though he is only 16." "Wow." Was all I could say, "Terry, how do you feel about that?" "I don't know if I can ever forgive him. I just don't know." I walked over to Terry and took his hand. "I understand." I said. We got quiet for a little while. "Kevin, did Terry tell you about us meeting Adam and Aaron?" "Yeah, that is so neat. Getting jobs and all." "I am kind of excited about that myself." Then our mothers came through the door. They were laughing and giggling. I wondered what was up with that. My mother came over and hugged and kissed. Terry's mother went over to him and kissed him. I think we both turned red. "How are you boys doing?" My mother asked. "Fine mom, just fine." I said. "Good. We have news for you boys." Terry's mother announced. "Yeah, what's that mom?" Terry asked. "We are all going to live together." My mother said. Surprise would be understatement. Shock more like it. "How is that?" Kevin asked. "Well, we decided that since we have so much in common, our sons and kicking our husbands out of our life, we figured it made sense for Joel and me to move in with you and your brother and mother. Help with expensives." "Are you sure there will be enough room in the house Mom?" I asked. "Yes there will Joel." Terry's mother said. "Well, as far as Terry and I are concerned..." I said looking over at Terry. I could read his approval in his eyes. "We will only need one bedroom." Our mothers' eyes got real big. My mother's mouth dropped and probably would have hit the floor if it could have reached it. Kevin had a big grin on his face. Terry and I looked at our mothers looking for additional reaction. Our mothers turned and looked at each other. "Well," my mother began, "I suppose you two are sure about this." "Yes." I said. "Yes." Terry said. "I suppose I don't have a problem with that." Terry's mother said. "I am not sure that is where Terry and I want to be or that we will find a place of our own. We haven't had a chance to discuss it yet." "Well, until you guys decide than I think if Joan is in agreement, we would like to help with where ever you guys want to live." "Yes, I agree." Terry's mother said. "Great." The rest of the afternoon we spent visiting with our families. Terry's mother fussed over him and I could tell he hated it. The mothers also told us they were going to join PFLAG. They both seem to have embraced being mothers of gay sons and created a great friendship between them. When our dinner trays came about 5:30, our visitors left. About 6:30 Tyler came to visit with us. We didn't tell him that Terry and I had become boyfriends; I felt it would not have been appropriate considering what he was going through. I asked my mother about our genealogy before she left. She said that she had completed it has far back as she could. I asked if I could see it. I needed to look for the sir names on her family first. She said that would that the one name that came to mine was "Hale". I just couldn't help but wonder why that name stuck in my head. >From Adam's perspective: Having return to the office and completed our meetings, I sat in Aaron's office, going over the day's events and completing plans for the Jacksonville, Florida location. "I think it was a very productive day, don't you?" "Yes I do. I think Joel and Terry would make great interns here in the office." "I do too. I am glad we are doing this." I said. "I am just hoping my intuition is right." "And which 'intuition' is that?" I asked since Aaron always has this adventurous mind of his. "If we are all related." "Are you sure there isn't some Indiana Jones inside you?" I laughed at him. "Just think of the possibilities if we are, with the dream bringing us together." "Okay, we know you and I are related 7 generations back, which isn't hard to do with all the polygamy that went on in the 1800's." I said. "Yeah, but we are related by marriage to Joseph Smith through the 'Hale' family. But I am hoping that the rest of the guys are too." He said with that wild-eyed adventure look on his face. "Long shot, there, Aaron. Got to be long shot." "Yeah, just imagine if they had pieces to this map too." I just shook my head at him. "Aaron, what do you want to prove with this 'map', you seem infatuated with if you can locate all the pieces?" I asked. "I don't know," he said, "but it will be fun to find out." "You and your hobbies, Aaron. I don't know how your boyfriend puts up with you." I said laughing. "It wasn't so funny when your grandmother handed you that old parchment of an envelope with a piece of the map in it, was it?" "I guess. Just because it matched the one you got from your grandmother. But it doesn't prove anything. It could be someone's idea of a joke, played out 175 years ago." I said. "Maybe." "Yeah, maybe." "Who knows, Adam, it might make a good movie someday." The end of Chapter 28