Date: Sat, 14 May 2005 06:43:41 -0700 (PDT)
From: gaymormonwriter@yahoo.com
Subject: Born To Be A Missionary   Chapter 30  adult/youth

(Author's notes: The usual disclaimers and copyright notices. There is a
reference in this chapter to the 'Home teaching program' within the church.
This refers to members of the priesthood being assigned families and they
are required to visit each family each month for their spiritual and
physical needs. Physical as in food, bill paying etc.)


Born To Be A Missionary
Chapter 30


>From Terry's perspective:


"I see you made bail or something?" I asked.

Sean didn't seem his tough guy, smartass self. He shrugged his shoulders
and looked down.

"Dad finally arranged for bail since Mom wouldn't do it."

"Sean."

"Yeah?"

"Mom and Kevin signed a restraining order against you."

"I know. I was served in jail."

"It is suppose to cover me as well."

"I figured." Sean said.

Sean definitely was nervous.

"You came here for something, what is it?"

Sean started to walk around the bed.

"Don't come closer, please. I really don't trust you."

Sean stopped.

"I guess I would feel the same, if I was you." Sean said and moved back to
the foot of the bed.

"What do you want Sean?"

"I guess I just wanted to see if you were okay. I..."

He is struggling with this. A good sign I felt.

"Terry, I would take this back if I could. I am so sorry for what I did to
you. I have had these nights in jail thinking about what happened and how I
got caught up in it. I have no lame excuses for you. I accept my
responsibility for what I did and it was wrong."

I cannot recall anytime I have ever heard this soft tone of his voice
before. Sean seemed so humble to me at this time.

"Sean, this is a little hard to believe...coming from you."

Sean nodded his head.

"I know. I have been a shit brother to you for as long as I can
remember. You were easy to bully and pick on. You acted like such a fag all
the time."

"So, it's all my fault."

Sean immediately shot his eyes at mine shaking his head.

"No. No. It's not your fault. It was all me. I treated you that way because
I thought it was expected of me. Yeah, yeah...I know that sounds like a
lame excuse and it might be. But if I treated you like I should have, you
and I wouldn't be here like this today."

"But I am still a fag."

"I know."

"How do you feel about that?"

"Differently than I did last week."

"What changed it for you, Sean?"

"I had time to think in jail."

"Yeah...and?"

"I stayed last night with my best bud Craig. We had a long talk all night
long."

"What did you guys talk about?"

"I called him and asked if I could spend the night since I couldn't go
home. He said 'yes'." Sean glanced out the window. "Craig took me to his
bedroom after dinner. He told me that he didn't tell his parents why I was
there. He knew I was in jail and why. Word got around at school
apparently."

"Great, the whole school knows?"

"I guess. So Craig closed the door and turned to me and said...'are you
going to beat me up too?' I asked him why he would say that and he said
that he too was gay."

"Oh wow. I would never have guess that about Craig."

"I told him I wasn't going to hit him. So he sat me down and had a long
talk with me about being gay and hiding and the struggle it takes everyday
to get up and go out in the world and live the lie."

"Yeah."

"So he explained everything it seemed to me. He helped me understand what
it was all about. He did say he heard rumors about you. I guess the same
ones I heard and ignored."

"Did what he said make any difference in how you feel about me?"

"Yes." Sean said and than stared right at me and said, "Look Terry, we
never were close brothers. You had your interests and I had mine and we are
totally different. Neither of us tried to take an interest in the other. I
guess I really never took an interest Kevin either. Dad and I were the best
of buddies and I didn't need anything else I guess."

"Okay. We both failed at being brothers."

"Yeah, I am not proud of myself."

"So what do you want from me now?"

"My public defender suggested I take a plea deal to avoid going to prison,
which is where I am headed unless you help me."

What a jerk. He's going to be pissing me off.

"Is that what this is about? Saving your ass? That you come here and with
this bullshit story about Craig and how you have seen the light so I won't
send you to prison where you might become some guys pussy boy?"

Sean winced at that shaking his head.

"I deserved that. I know I deserve more for what my part in all this. But I
am being honest with."

"How do I know you are being honest with me?"

"I know I am asking a lot here. I am being honest about my feelings here. I
am barely 17 years old. My whole life is ahead of me. I want my life."

What is up with this selfish prick?

"Funny. I want mine. I also want my testicle back."

I could tell Sean didn't know about the testicle because his face just went
white. He tried to open his mouth. He was struggling again.

"You lost a testicle, Terry?"

"Yes."

I suddenly saw my brother look sick.

"Oh shit. I am so sorry."

I actually saw tears in his eyes. His head was shaking back and forth. He
moved towards the door and opened and waved someone in. It was Craig.

"Hi Terry." Craig said.

"Hi Craig." I said.

I looked at them. Waiting for Sean to say something. It was Craig.

"How is this going Sean?"

Sean just shook his head and walked over to the window.

"I guess that Sean told you about me?"

"Yes, he did. He told me you talked to him to help him understand the shit
we go through."

"I did. Sean is the first person I ever told about me. You are the second
to know. It feels good to at least talk to someone about it. I just didn't
expect to tell Sean, who I had perceived as a homophobe."

"I guess perception is always the first impression." I said.

"Yeah. It is. I wish I had had the courage to even have talked to you, but
I was hiding so far back in the closet and I wasn't absolutely sure about
you."

"I understand."

"I really fucked up, Craig." Sean finally said.

"Why do you say that?" Craig said.

"Terry lost a testicle."

"Oh shit, Terry." Craig said looking at me.

"Yeah, they put a prosthetic one in. A rubber ball so to speak." I said.

I turned towards Sean.

"Sean, I don't know who kicked me there." I said.

Sean turned from the window. The look on his face seemed genuinely pained.

"I do."

"Sean?"

"I think I was kicking you there."

"Do you think it matters which of you kicked me in the balls? You both
kicked me."

"I know." Sean said.

"Terry," Craig said. "Sean isn't the same. He cried with me last night. I
never saw him like this and I have known him for at least 10 years."

"Craig, Sean told me what he wanted. I don't know if I can."

Craig came over to my side of the bed.

"I can only imagine what you went through this week. I may never know what
it was like to struggle with being gay like you did. When Sean told me how
it all happened, my heart went out to you knowing that feeling of anger and
frustration. I don't condone what Sean and your father did. I was appalled
and very disappointed in my friend. I never would have thought that he had
that type of violence in him. Especially to gay bash is own brother, and
that was what it was plain and simple. It hurt me too, in a way."

"Okay, but this doesn't really help my situation." I said.

"I know, you have nothing to lose from this point on. Sean is repentive for
what he did and what's to make it up to you."

"How's he going to do that, give me one of his balls?"

Craig just gave a meek smile, seeing the absurdity of that.

"I told you he wouldn't help me. I told you." Sean said.

"You don't know everything Sean." I said.

Sean and Craig both looked at me.

"I am beginning to believe you are sincere here, just not sure how to trust
you, Sean."

"I can accept that."

"I can see this has torn you up. I don't think Craig would be here if it
hasn't."

I am not going to let him off the hook that easily. This will be on my
terms.

"I have not seen the prosecutor yet. So, I have to make sure about a few
things before I do."

"Okay." Sean said.

"Do you accept me as your gay brother?"

"Yes."

"Will you accept Kevin as your other gay brother?"

I knew Sean didn't know about Kevin. I just outed my own brother, but for a
reason. Sean's reaction seemed genuine as that information sunk in.

"Yes."

Craig looked at me and said, "Are you for real? Kevin is gay too?"

"Yes he is."

"Wow. Sean you got 2 cool brothers."

The old Sean would have smirked at that and make a deregulatory statement
to that. He seemed very composed.

"You're okay with Kevin and me?"

"Yes." Sean said.

"I have a boyfriend now."

"You do?" Sean asked. "Have I met him before? Are there more gay guys I
know and don't know about?"

"No, you don't know him. His name is Joel and I really feel like I am
falling in love in him."

"I would like to meet him sometime, Joel." Sean said.

"Good. I like hearing that."

Sean moved to the end of the bed.

"I know that I need help with my anger. I need help period. I have a lot of
things to deal with. I know you were seeing a therapist. Dad would complain
about that. Would he see me?"

"I don't know. I think all of his patients are gay. But I can ask if you
like."

"Okay. Are you still staying with Craig?"

"Yeah. For now, but I will have to come clean with his parents."

"Ah, I see. Where's Dad?"

"I don't know. When I left him after our release, I told him I didn't want
to be around him."

"How did he react to that?"

"He just stomped off. What about Mom?"

"I can't speak for Mom. You will have to make peace with her too."

"I know. I tried to call and talk to her and she wouldn't."

"I know."

"Terry, could you ever forgive me?"

"That will take time. Coming here today can only be the start of that."

My brother hung his head low. I like this side of him. He almost seems
human.

"Sean, look at me."

Sean raised his head.

"I can't promise what will happen yet with the prosecutor. But is there is
a plea request, I am sure I will have to approve it. I won't let them take
it easy on you, but I will see what I can do to help you stay out of
prison. Does that seem fair?"

Sean just nodded his head and said, "That's better than I
expected. Actually, I expected you to call hospital security and have me
arrested. I had to take the risk, Craig told me it was worth it to try. I
don't really know how I would have dealt with this if it were me in your
position, but I would like to think I would have done the same thing as you
have."

"Craig, get my brother out of here before someone walks in." I turned to my
brother. "I will talk to Kevin and than decide when the right time to let
Mom know you were here."

"Let's go Sean." Craig said.

"Yeah. Terry, I...I...going to make this up to you, I promise."

"I know you will."

He'd better.

Sean and Craig left the room and I had a lot to think about.



>From Joel's perspective:



My eyes were closed and full of tears as I leaned against the wall. I
suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder and looked up and saw my mother.

"Joel, come on. Let's go, son."

Without a word I followed my mother outside of the church building and into
the car. Mom started the car and left the parking lot. She pulled the car
over next to the curb.

"Joel, was it that rough in there?"

"It was hard to do. I never saw Dad so totally angry and defeated. I felt
an incredible surge of energy as I proceeded with my little speech. When I
was finished, I felt such a relief. When I got out into the hallway, it all
hit me at once and I lost it."

"You did the right thing. You didn't give them or him the satisfaction of
excommunicating you."

"This is the start of a whole new life for you Mom. Are you ready for
this?"

"Oh yes, Joel. I am free for the first time period. I left my parents home
to get married, so I really never had any time for myself. You came along
and gave meaning to my life. I was never happy with your father, well,
maybe in the beginning, but it changed so much."

Mom took my face into her hands.

"I have no regrets leaving your father. Do not blame yourself. You gave me
the courage to do so, to finally be honest with myself. I love you and want
you happy. Finish college and make a life for yourself and Terry."

I closed my eyes. I felt tears running down my cheeks.

"I haven't been honest about something Mom."

"Do you want to tell me about it?"

Mom released my face and turned towards the front of the car.

"It's about the dream."

"Baby, does it really matter?"

"It might."

"Than you do what is in your heart to resolve what it is that is bothering
you, than you will find peace with it. You resolved your situation with
your father and the church, this will be resolved."

"Maybe."

"It was just a dream, Joel. What could be so earth shattering about it that
has you all concerned?"

I didn't want to continue this. I shouldn't have brought it up.

"You are probably right Mom."

"So..." she said, "Do you want to go to the hospital and see Terry?"

"Yes, I do."



>From Rick's perspective:



I heard Jim's car pull in. I went to the door to greet my man. A moment
later, Jim came through the door.

"Hi, lover." I said as I embraced him.

"Hi, baby." Jim said and planted a big kiss on me.

"Are the boys here?" Jim asked knowing what he had in mind.

"Yes, they are."

"Are they going out tonight?"

"I don't know. Steve saw his twin brothers today. He wasn't happy when they
left."

"What happened?"

"It seems Steve begged them to stop fighting with their parents over him
and they would listen."

"Oh...this is really getting out of hand isn't it?"

"Yeah. The twins said they met with their Bishop for help and felt like he
dismissed them."

"Oh boy. Where is Steve?"

"Jamie and Steve are in their bedroom."

Jim went to the bedroom door and knocked. Jamie opened the door and hugged
his Dad. I saw Steve lying on the bed behind them. He looked like he had
been crying.

"Hey guys, let me in there so I can talk to Steve, okay?"

My husband and my 'son' moved out of the way and I closed the door. Steve
sat up in bed with his back to the wall.  I sat down on the edge of the
bed. Steve looked up at me and wiped some tears out of his eyes.

"This sucks doesn't it?" I said.

"Yes it does. I never wanted this to happen to my family."

"The twins are pretty stubborn."

"I know."

"They love you."

"I know they do."

"How do you think this should be resolved?"

"I don't know...maybe tell them it was all a joke and I am not gay and not
in love with Jamie."

"But that isn't being truthful."

"But it is truth that got all this crap started."

"No, you hid it and got caught and the 'truth' got slapped into everybody's
faces."

"I know and this is all my fault."

"Well, if it is 'all your fault', than you need to fix this."

"How? I asked my brothers to stop all of their actions against our
father. They won't."

"Do you think that is all there is to do? That you might not have other
options?"

"I don't know Rick. I have been trying to think of something."

"And crying is your option here?"

Steve just looked at me with sweet puppy dog eyes.

"And don't give that look, it won't work on me like it does on Jamie."

Steve winced and turned his eyes away.

"And what makes you think I have a look that works on Jamie?"

"Because it is the same look I use on his Dad...and it works most of the
time."

Steve smiled at that.

"Can you make it work on his Dad that well, Rick?"

"Nope. He just lets me."

"What am I going to do?"

"Well, what you are doing with your brothers isn't working, so you will
have come up with another plan to bring peace to the family."

"My brothers think they are right in what they are doing. My father doesn't
even admonish them for it."

"You will have to make that work in your favor. Obviously a conversation
between you and your parents may have to take place."

"They won't talk to me."

"Than you need an outside advocate to intercede for you."

"Like who?"

"Maybe your home teachers?"

"Yeah, right...like they would help."

"That's what they are suppose to do."

Steve thought for a minute or two.

"Okay, I will try that and see what happens. It can't hurt."

"No, it can't."

"How are you so smart Rick?"

"I live with a great teacher."

"Ah...wise man that you are, you give credit where credit is due?"

"I happen to love the man very much."

"I know. I can see it all the time."

"I hid my feelings for Jim for a long time. Now, that I don't have to, I
take full advantage of it."

Steve just smiled at me.

"So, do you feel better now?"

"Yes. I find that you are always right about everything."

"Good. Now that that is settled, I am sure our men are hungry and would
like to go out and eat."

"Yeah, I know."



>From Jim's perspective:


The bedroom door opened and Jamie and I watched as both our guys came out
of the bedroom. Steve was smiling.

"So what does this mean?" I said.

"It means that we are ready to go out and eat, unless you are going to be
busy this weekend like last?"

"No, I plan on spending my weekend with you Rick."

"Good."



>From Joel's perspective:


Mom dropped me off at the hospital and I went in the front doors. I went
over to the elevators and waited. When the doors opened, two rather cute
guys walked out. One even seemed to have a familiar presence about him. I
rode the elevator up to the 3rd floor and headed to Terry's room.

I walked into his room and he seemed happy and relieved to see me. I bent
over and kissed him.

"I am glad you're here."

"I couldn't go to bed tonight without seeing you." I said.

"Sweet."

I sat down on his bed and held his hand in mine.

"How did it go Joel?"

"I guess it went well. My father may never speak to me again."

"That bad?"

"I just took all his years of work with the church and slapped him in the
face with it."

"Wow. How did he take it?"

"I don't know. I didn't stick around to find out."

"Why did you do that?"

"I didn't go in there to do that deliberately, it just happened after I saw
that he gave mine and Brian's suicide notes to those church officials. He
violated my privacy by doing that. He even called Brian's parents and told
them why their son committed suicide. I will never forgive him for that."

"Are the notes that revealing Joel?"

I got off the bed and walked over to the window.

"It's my fault Brian's parents found out. I kept his note with me everyday
since he died. I put his note with mine when I tried to die. My father took
the notes and used the information to hurt Brian's parents with the truth."

"Don't you think Brian's parents deserved to know the truth?"

"I guess, someday. When I had the courage to tell them."

"How's your courage now?"

For an 18-year-old guy, he sure asks the tough questions.

"I liked to think that I have found courage now. I have had the support of
my mother and you. I don't know how I would be after this ordeal without
the two of you."

"Do you have enough courage to let me read the notes?"

I turned away from the window. I looked at Terry to see if he was
sincere. But I already knew before I looked. He was.  I walked over to his
bed and sat down again.

"You know that I loved Brian."

"Yes, I do. I accept that as part of you."

I looked into his eyes and realized that if I want him to trust me ever, I
have to start to let him now. I reached into my pocket and pulled out the
notes.

Terry looked surprised at seeing the notes and than he raised his eyes to
mine.

"You have the notes with you?"

"Yeah, I took them from the meeting."

"Okay."

I took Brian's note and held it in my right hand.

"Terry, I knew that I would have to tell you about Brian and me,
eventually. I held on to this note like it was a part of him and a part of
me, not letting it go. I never dreamed that anyone would ever read
it. Terry, I loved him. He took me out of my closeted life. He showed me
what two people can share and I don't mean just sex. When he died, it tore
me up and led me to my own attempt to end my life because I didn't believe
I could love anyone like that again or anyone would love me like that
again. I have found someone to love...you and I believe that you love
me. So I was proven wrong, thankfully. I am giving you these notes to read
because I feel I need to so I can go on with my life with you."

I handed Terry Brian's note and he read it. I handed him my note and he
read that one. When he was done he placed the notes back in my hand.

"I don't know what to say, Joel. I am glad you let me read them. I can only
imagine how hard it was for you to do."

"I love you Terry. I don't want to keep anything from you."

Oh, crap...why did I say that? I am holding something back. I will tell you
eventually I promise you...and I promise myself.

I put the notes in my pocket.

"You need to burn those notes, Joel."

I felt stunned by that. Those were words I never expected to hear.

"Why do you say that Terry?"

"To let go."

Terry is blowing me away here.

"You have to." Terry said.

"I don't know if I can."

"You have to."

I moved off the bed again. I don't think I can burn the notes, I can't.

"Joel, you don't need to carry the notes anymore."

I walked over to the window again. I can't face him.

"Brian told you in the dream to move on with your life. You won't
completely until you can put all of it behind you."

I looked out of the window for something to look at. I don't want to hear
this. I can't find anything to focus on. I feel my eyes tearing up.

"Today, you moved on from your father and the church. Now you need to move
on from Brian."

I know he's right. I just don't want to hear it.

"I love you Joel. I know I am falling in love with you. I know that Brian
is in your heart and that's okay with me. You wouldn't be who you are for
me, today, if you hadn't found Brian."

I feel the tears falling down my cheeks. The truth is so awesome sometimes.

"I want to be with you when you do burn the notes. Joel, you know I am
right don't you?"

I turned around and Terry was standing up, barely holding on to the bed. He
was trying to come to me. I went to him and put my arms around him. I felt
his arms go around me and it was such an incredible feeling as we embraced
for the first time. I laid my head on his shoulder and I cried my eyes
out. I am not sure who was holding whom up. Time didn't seem to matter at
the moment as I felt this amazing guy comfort me.

"I am here for you Joel, never forgetting that what we have here is really
special. I may be young, but I am old enough to see that."

I am beginning to lose any doubts I ever had about Terry being too young
for a relationship with me. I didn't want him to let go of me.

"Cry baby. Let it out."

I did. I did. I felt Terry's warmth and love as he soothed me with his
hands on my back. Rubbing them up and down. I could live like this forever.

"Joel?"

"Yes."

I pulled my head back and faced Terry. Terry leaned in and kissed me. I
felt him wince.

"Are you okay?" I ask.

"I'm okay. Probably should go back to the bed."

I helped him back to the bed and he sat down on it and I sat down next to
him. I put my arm around him and pulled him into me.

"Terry, when you get out of here and we can have a private moment together,
we will burn the notes together."

"I'd like that, Joel. I think it will help set Brian free too. Sort of give
him peace and maybe earn his wings so to speak."

He might be right.

It was then that Kevin came bounding through the door.

"Hey guys." He said.

"Hi Kevin." We said in unison.

"You guys look very...ah...romantic?"

"Yeah, are you jealous?" Terry asked.

"I am happy for you Terry, I really am." Kevin said.

Terry looked at him and smiled.

"Were you out of bed, Terry?"

"Yeah, I was."

"Cool."

"I have some interesting news for you Kevin." Terry said.

"Sean was here today."

"No way. Really? Are you okay?"

I turned to Terry and said, "Who's Sean?"

"My brother." Terry said.

"He has a restraining order against him doesn't he?" I asked.

"Yeah. He does."

Terry told us about the conversation he had with Sean and his friend. Kevin
wasn't too happy about it.

"You can't tell anyone that Sean was here Kevin." Terry said.

"I should you know." Kevin said.

"I don't want you to. I want to see what he does. I told him about you."

"You told him I was gay?" Kevin asked.

"Yes."

"Well, he was bound to find out." Kevin said.

We talked until visiting hours were over and Kevin drove us home.


It was Sunday morning before Terry was released from the hospital. I drove
by myself to bring him home. When we got there, his mother embraced him. My
mother embraced him. Kevin embraced him. We had dinner and Terry and I went
to our bedroom. I helped him to the bed and I started putting things away
in the room. We chatted about little things. I had the CD player playing
some quiet music.

"Joel. Would you go over to my music and get out the Erasure album?"

"Sure."

I went over to his rack of music. There was a problem. There were like 8
different albums by Erasure.

"Okay, smarty. Which one?"

"The one that is just 'Erasure'. It is the self titled one."

Okay, I thought. I finally found it.

"I never heard of this group." I said.

"They are really good. I love the music." Terry said.

"Okay." I put the CD in.

"Hit track 5 and come lie down with me."

I put the CD in and advanced the track to 5 and climbed into bed. I helped
Terry move into me. He placed his head on my shoulder and his right hand on
my chest.

"Just listen to the words." He said.

I was actually feeling intimate with him like this. Track 5 is a song
called "Rock Me Gently" and it was beautiful. I listened to the words and
listened to Terry's breathing. By the end of the song, he was
asleep. Terry, falling asleep in my arms was so awesome, an incredible
feeling of trust and love. The album played out and I, too, was asleep
before it ended.

I woke up a couple hours later. Terry was still sleeping. I figured he was
exhausted from the hospital stay where you can't really rest. I hated to,
but I slipped myself from under Terry and quietly left the room. Before I
closed the door, I looked upon his sleeping self and marveled what a sweet
guy he really is.

I checked on him a couple hours later. He was awake.

"Where'd you go?" He asked.

"I had to go to the bathroom and didn't want to wake you, so I left you
alone."

"I missed you."

"I missed you too."

"Now, help me to the bathroom so I can pee."

I went over to Terry and helped him up and we went into the bathroom. He
stood up to the toilet.

"You want me to take you out?" I asked, jokingly.

"Yeah I do."

"Are you serious."

"Yeah."

Terry's right arm was around my shoulder, so I took my right hand and
unzipped his fly. I slipped my hand inside and pulled his penis out.

"Just pull the skin back a little so the pee hole is exposed." He said.

I did as I was told.

Here we were. Standing together at the toilet. My hand on his penis and
nothing was happening.

"Ah, Terry?"

"Yeah."

"I am doing my part...but you aren't doing yours."

"I know."

"Don't you have to?"

"I do. But I have never had anyone holding me to piss before. It's kind of
nice."

"Funny guy. How long do I have to stand here, holding you, waiting for
nature to spring forward?"

I looked at him and he had this evil grin on his face.

"Ass hole."

Terry started giggling. Then I heard the urine hit the water in the
toilet. He finished peeing.

"Okay, what do I do? Shake it?"

"Shake it some, than kind of stroke it."

I did as he told me. Except, I didn't stop stroking right away. I felt him
start to stiffen quickly. As soon as he was hard I stuffed it back into his
pants and zipped him up.

"Ah, I am so disappointed." He said in a pout.

"Yeah, too bad." I said with a smirk.

"Joel, would you give me a shower?"

"You just want to get me naked and have your way with me."

He smiled at me. A smile that could melt me for a hundred years.

"My hard on gives you reason to suspect me?"

"Ah...yeah."

Terry just turned to me and put his arms around me.

"You are going to have to learn to trust me."

"I do." I said. "Sometimes."

"Ha ha."

"Actually, to be honest, I feel real dirty. I don't like sponge baths at
all."

"Are you allowed to get your bandages wet?"

"Yeah, they are water proof."

"Okay, let's get you naked."

I am kind of excited about this. We haven't seen each other completely
naked before. I slipped his shirt off. Undid his pants and slipped them
off. I pulled his underwear down. The young man I am falling in love with
was standing before me completely naked. He was beautiful, even with the
bandages and the bruises. He was still hard too.

"Okay, your turn." He said.

"Don't I need to get a couple of towels?"

"Yeah. Out in the hallway in the closet."

I slipped out of the room and retrieved the towels.

"Okay, your turn." He said. "Are you stalling?"

"No. No. Not really."

I took off my clothes. I stood before my lover naked for the first time.

"I like the hairy chest." Terry said.

"Yeah, what else do you like?"

"Everything."

"Sweet." I said and we embraced each other.

It felt wonderfully intimate as we felt ourselves naked against each
other. Our cocks were pushed up against each other and it wasn't long
before I was hard as a rock. Funny, how that happens every so often.

"Okay, let me get the water going handsome."

I slipped away from him and turned the water on. Terry was running his
hands over my back and butt as I adjusted the water. I helped in into the
bathtub and I followed and pulled the shower curtain shut.

"I will wash your back if you wash mine?" I said.

"Sure." Terry said.

We washed each other, completely. I pushed Terry, gently up against the
wall with his hands holding him up. I reached around him and began to
stroke him as my own cock was nestled nicely in his butt crack. We were so
hard.

"I want you to put it in sometime, baby." Terry said.

"Oh yeah, we have a problem. I am a bottom too." I lied.

"Oh shit. Damn it. It figures. I would fall in love with a bottom."

I was kissing his neck and rubbing my hand over his chest as my other hand
was stroking him steadily. I felt his body tense as he shot his load all
over the tiled wall. Terry seemed to fall back into me as he came down from
his orgasmic high.

Terry turned around and kissed me as he reached down for me and started
stroking me. We kissed each other passionately as he stroked me to climax
and shot all over him. We rinsed off and got out of the shower and I dried
him off.

We spent the rest of the day in the room getting it situated with our
combined belongings. I set up my computer and my CD collection. Terry had
me listen to all of his Erasure CDs. I especially liked "Cowboy".

That night we slept together for the first time in the same bed. Terry
insisted we sleep naked and I didn't have a problem with that. All we did
was cuddle as we fell asleep in each other's arms. It was so peaceful and
satisfying. If I was dreaming, I didn't want to wake up from this one.



>From Jim's perspective:



Its Monday morning had a great weekend with Rick and the boys. Randy and
Andy came over on Sunday and the six of us had a cook out. Steve seemed to
be in a better frame of mind.

Terry was released from the hospital yesterday and went home with Joel.

I received a call from one of the Bishops in the Sugarland area and he
wanted me to see a young man who he had tried to counsel but felt he needed
professional help.  I told him I would see him this morning at 10 a.m. His
name is Jared.

"Have a seat anywhere, Jared." I said as I ushered him in to my office.

"Thanks doctor." Jared took the rocker that most patients do.

"Well, tell me about yourself Jared."

"Okay, I am almost 19 years old. I was born and raised in the Mormon
Church. I am now preparing to go on my mission. I have been doing
everything I am supposed to do so I can go. I am one of 4 children and I am
the oldest."

"Sounds like everything is on track. Why would your Bishop request that you
see me?"

"I am having some difficulties." Jared said sheepishly.

"Do you want to tell me about those?"

"This is strictly confidential isn't Doctor? No one will ever know? Right?"

"Yes, that is correct."

"Okay. I will trust you."

"You can tell me anything."

Jared looked around the room. I think he was trying to pull his courage
together. I waited.

"I have been having some dreams."

"What kind of dreams?"

"Sexual."

"That's normal for any teenage boy."

"Normal if the dream is about being with a girl."

"The dream was about being with another boy?"

"Yes. It gets worse. I always have a physical reaction to the dreams."

"You ejaculate from your dreams?"

"Yes. I do."

"Does this bother you?"

"Yes. I think I must be gay. I don't understand why I am having these
dreams."

"I can understand that."

"But what really has me concerned is a dream I had last weekend."

"Was it sexually?"

"No, not really."

"What happened in the dream?"

"I was ushered into an all white room and sat at a table where I was like a
judge, dressed in white with a green apron. It was a hearing on the lives
of 3 men who appeared naked under 3 white spotlights. One man was older and
the other two were about my age. There were 2 missionaries who defended the
lives of the 3 men who were described as homosexual."

Needless to say, I am dumbfounded. Another witness.



The end of Chapter 30