Date: Fri, 30 Sep 2005 22:02:14 -0700 (PDT)
From: gaymormonwriter@yahoo.com
Subject: BORN TO BE A MISSIONARY Chapter 38

Born To Be A Missionary
Chapter 38

(Author's notes: The usual legal claims as posted in prior chapters.
Comments are encouraged. Please write.)

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Excerpts from Jim's journal entries:

Things seem to be settling down since all the dramatic events beginning
with the dream. I found myself back into a regular routine.

The weekend and the following week went by pretty quick, and finally on
Friday I was to have our first group meeting with everyone from the dream.

The first meeting went well. Everyone got to know each other. It was
amazing watching everyone compare notes about the dream. It was at this
meeting that Adam and Aaron brought up the Hale family maps and suggested
that each one check with their family members to see if they had those
special brown envelopes. I wondered why this group would have them but I
just followed along. We agreed to meet in two weeks.

Adam, Aaron and I sat down and started putting together the groundwork for
the foundation that Gabriel wanted. Adam and Aaron assured me money would
not be a problem.

Joel and Terry were doing well and nothing looked like it would ever come
between them. Terry finally got all the discussions and asked Joel to
baptize him. We all attended at Aaron's backyard swimming pool, as Terry
became a Mormon, at least in our eyes.

I noticed Adam and Tyler seemed pretty close. I wondered.

Steve and Jamie worked on their letter. Writing maybe 20 drafts so
far. Neither could agree on it's complete content and Rick and I stayed out
of it.

I gave Jared HARLAND'S RACE since he finished THE FRONT RUNNER. He was
eager to read it.

The second meeting of the group was full of surprises. Everyone brought a
brown envelope and each one contained a piece of this map that Adam and
Aaron were interested in. Apparently each member of the group turned out to
be a descendent of the Hale family, Mormon Church founder Joseph Smith's
wife's family name.

I wondered if more than just the pieces of the map were falling into
place. It appeared that 2 pieces were missing yet and they happened to be
the two crucial pieces right in the middle. I kept quizzing Adam and Aaron
about the map and what it was all about. I got very little from them about
that. With the missing pieces it seemed that the Hale Map seemed to be a
dead issue for everyone.

For the next year, the "Gabriel Foundation" as it came to be called became
a reality. Headquartered in Houston, with me as the President and Adam,
Aaron and Rick as vice presidents. We established our selves as a community
outreach to those young people who felt they were gay and needed support
and even housing if they lost their home. Though it might sound like it
superseded the Community Center, it didn't as the community center became a
branch of the foundation.

Jamie and Steve received a response from their petition from Salt Lake City
and it was politely declined. Jamie and Steve moved out finally into their
own apartment while they went to school at the University of
Houston. Steve's father finally came around and accepted Steve, much to the
great efforts of the twins.

Terry's brother was prosecuted and was given a light sentence as worked out
by Terry and the prosecutor. Sean did not go to jail and was given a
sentence of 5 years probation and in that 5 years his community service
hours included working for Rick at the Community Center and working a the
foundation's habitat for AIDS patients.

Terry's father was found guilty of a hate crime and was sentenced to 25
years in jail.

Tyler finally told me of his relationship with Adam and I was happy for
him.

Joel's father tried unsuccessfully for reconciliation with Joel's
mother. He still refused to accept Joel.

Joel and Terry also are going to the University of Houston. They are living
in the same apartment building as Jamie and Steve and all four have become
fast friends.

We all weathered Hurricane Rita and came out fine.

Jared and Kevin became friends. I suspect that more may come of that.

Rick and I vacationed in Cancun at a resort south of the city. It was
fantastic. I had never been to Mexico before. The Caribbean is beautiful.

The group started meeting less and less, now down to about every two
months. I still held group sessions with Tyler, Joel, Terry, Jared and
Kevin helping in the various groups I had.

Jared finally came out to his parents after they pressed him about going on
his mission. They weren't too happy, so he moved in with Kevin and his
mother.

My practice seemed to be growing and with the foundation, I realized there
were more gay young Mormons out there. The foundation also worked with
older adults who discovered their lives changing into another direction.

We held a special memorial service for Gary on the first anniversary of his
passing. Our group existed because of him and his dream.

It was another six months at the Group meeting that Joel presented another
brown envelope. Joel explained that he had stayed in contact with Brian's
mother and had told her about the map and the pieces. She had an envelope
and mailed it to him. We still needed that last piece.

On the second anniversary of the Dream, Joel and Terry had their commitment
ceremony. It was really nice and Brian's mother attended and spent most of
her time with Joel and Terry's mothers. I got to meet her, what a wonderful
woman. She has become an activist for Gay Rights in Utah.

Joel, Terry, Jamie and Steve were doing great in school. Joel is studying
psychology. Terry is studying business law. Jamie and Steve are both
studying medicine.

On the third anniversary of the Dream Rick got a big surprise at the
Community Center.



>From Rick's perspective:



It was about 4:30 and I was finishing up some paper work when I looked up
at the front door when someone came in. It was the man with 'no name'.

I went out to greet him.

"Hi, how are you?"

He smiled.

"I am doing great."

"Well, come in and tell me about it."

The man came into my office and turned and offered his hand to me.

"HI, let me formally introduce myself, I am Paul Kimble."

"Glad to meet you Paul."

"It's been awhile, Rick." He said.

"Yeah, what like 3 years?" I said.

"I think you are right."

"So Paul, what can I do for you?"

"I wanted to talk to you about the Gabriel Foundation."

"That's great."

"I want to help financially."

"That would be great. What do you have in mind?"

"I brought a cashier's check for one million dollars."

I had to sit down on that one. I was stunned. I couldn't believe.

"Are you for real, Paul?" I asked.

Paul chuckled and said, "Yes."

"I can only say thank you."

"Your welcome. I think you guys are doing a great job helping young people
and old ones like us."

"Well, it can be a challenge. But it works."

"So tell me about your life and the path you took?"

"Well, Rick, I told my family. It went better than I expected. My wife was
eager to accept the divorce and move on. My sons were angry with me at
first for hurting their mother, but they finally came around. I took that
guy around the world with me by the way. He's my partner."

"Wow, so things worked great for you."

"Yes, they have. This check lets me be apart of the community that has been
good to me."

"Great."

"Well, I got to do what I wanted, how about you Rick? Have you done any
writing?"

"No, doesn't look like I ever will."

"You will, trust me."

"Okay." I said. Though I seriously doubted I would.

Paul looked around my office asking about the pictures on the wall, Jim and
my boys. I told him my story of being gay and Mormon, how Jim and I meet
and my extended family.

"There is one thing that has bothered me, Rick, now for 3 years and I just
recently told my partner about it."

"What's that, Paul?" I asked.

"You will probably think I am crazy, but I had to ask someone who might
have some psychology knowledge as to why or how?"

"Okay, let me try?"

"I had this dream 3 years ago where I was in this white room with 12 other
priesthood members. I was sitting at the end of a white table and presided
over a 'hearing' type function with 3 men sitting naked under a white light
and 2 missionaries defended them. The 3 men were gay and each was in limbo
between life and death. We were to be in judgment of the 3 to see who
lived, who went through the veil and who didn't go to either place. One of
the men went through the veil and after he vanished, the angel Gabriel came
and talked to us. He accused me of not allowing myself to be loved or to
love. I am still trying to figure that one out."

I sat there stunned. I couldn't believe what I just heard.

"So you think I am nuts too?"

"Ah..." shaking my head no, I said "No, not at all."

"And why do you say that?"

"Well, Paul, I have heard that dream before."

This time it was his turn to be stunned.

"I am serious, Paul." I said.

"Really?"

"Yes, I am."

"How?"

"I know 7 others who had that dream or parts of it. They have a group that
meets several times a year."

"I would like to meet them."

"I am sure you do. My partner heads the group."

"Who is that?"

"Dr. Jim Haines. I gave you his card when you were here last."

"Oh wow," he said. "I sent my two youngest sons to see him when they seemed
to be having trouble with me being gay. He really helped them. Do you have
another card so I can call him."

"Sure, but if you like you can call him now."

Paul spoke with Jim for nearly an hour as they spoke about his sons and the
dream.

When I got home Jim said he called Adam and Aaron and told them the last
member had been found.









Excerpts from Jim's journal entries:


Finding Paul was great. He fit into the group just fine. Adam asked Paul if
he could check to see if he had 'the' brown envelope. He did and the final
piece was in place. Adam and Aaron had connected the pieces and gave
everyone a copy of the map.

After some research, it was discovered that everyone who had the dream,
were descendents of Joseph Smith's in-laws after they checked their
genealogy.

The map, itself, was of the Hale family farm where Joseph Smith translated
the gold tablets that became the Book of Mormon.

Apparently, the 'X' marked the spot of something buried. Not really
expecting the farm to be still there, we discovered it was. Adam and Aaron
didn't pass this information on the group for some reason.

The next year was so busy with the foundation with the opening of branches
across the country. I had to close my practice and move into the salaried
position at the foundation.
 
Rick found a successor for the Community Center and moved into an office at
the foundation as well.

Because of Jamie and Steve's ideal efforts for the petitioning of the
church, we continued doing that at the foundation. Actually, we petitioned
continually all the faiths that discriminated against homosexuals.

Andy went on his mission to California and had just returned as Randy left
for his in Italy.

I watched over the years how close everyone got to each other. It was
always one happy family, as Joel, Terry, Jamie, Steve, Jared and Kevin
became best friends. They always found things to do together as a group.

For the fifth anniversary of the foundation, our first convention for the
eastern states was scheduled in Philadelphia.

I was excited since I knew that thousands would be attending. It would be a
great for the Gabriel Foundation. We were reaching out to help so many.



>From Rick's perspective:



I was in the kitchen preparing dinner for my boys, Jamie, Steve and Andy. I
was excited that Jim was coming home from Philadelphia later that night. He
called a couple of hours earlier letting me know that he was at the airport
and could hardly wait to see me. I miss him when he is gone.

After dinner, the boys and I have planned to run to the airport to pick up
everyone. All of the guys from the Group went with Jim for the
convention. I stayed to run the office while everyone else was gone.

I had the television on one of the news channels while I was cooking. I
wasn't paying too much attention to the news. I had it on for noise. I hate
a quiet house without voices. Than something caught my ears and I walked
into the living room and looked at the TV screen.

"It seems a freak accident at the Philadelphia airport has caused two
planes to collide on the run way. Eagle Flight 200 destined for Miami and
Airways Flight 900 destined for Houston were the planes involved. No one is
quite sure why the Eagle plane veered off on its take off approach and
crashed into the Airways Flight at this time."

I stared at the pictures of the planes as emergency personnel were
attending to the planes.

All time for me stopped.

I knew Jim was on that Airways Flight.

"Authorities are saying that they are not expecting any survivors."

That moment, when the announcer said that survivors were unlikely, I knew
in my heart, Jim was gone and I felt the pressure in my chest, no, the pain
of my heart and I felt crushed inside. No other feeling have I ever
experienced in my life has engulfed me like this one.

"The accident took place about an hour ago. The airport was immediately
closed down. Airline officials are declining comment until............"


>From Jamie's perspective:



We climbed out of the car and headed into the house, looking forward to one
of Rick's great meals.

I walked through the door first and turned around and found Rick on the
floor in front of the television. Andy and I rushed to Rick. He was
unconscious. Steve was right there with us. I didn't even pay attention to
the fact the TV was on.

"Again, airport officials are not expecting any survivors in this tragic
accident."

I heard that.

I looked over at the TV and saw the planes burning.

I looked back at Rick and than the TV and back at Rick.

I looked up at Steve and said, "Oh God, Steve, it's my Dad, I think he's on
that plane."

Andy looked up at me.

"Get some water for Rick, lets get him awake." I said.

Steve came over to me and put his arms around me.

"Let's wait and make sure."

"I know, but I have this feeling."

I turned to Rick as Andy brought the glass of water to me.

I tried to get Rick to wake up, splashing some water on him. He didn't
react.

"Call 911" Steve said.

I did.

The paramedics came and took Rick to the hospital. I called my mother and
the 3 of us went to the hospital to wait with Rick.

Steve didn't move from my side. It finally hit me that Joel, Terry, Jared,
Tyler, Adam and Aaron were also on the plane. I felt myself sliding down
the wall as it hit me.

Steve was right there with me, holding on to me as I leaned into him and
cried. I just couldn't hold it. He was crying too.

My mother found us and took Andy into her arms.

The TV in the waiting room was on one of the local channels and they were
reporting the news about the crash.

I could hear the voice of the reporter talking about death, but I didn't
want to listen.

A doctor came out looking for Rick's family. My mother walked over and said
we were.

"It seems Mr. Roberts is in a state of shock. In his type of shock, the
body tries to shut down during a crisis.  Do any of you know why this might
have happened?" the doctor asked.

My mother pointed to the TV.

"He had a loved one on that plane."

"Oh, okay. I understand. I will keep you updated." The doctor said and
walked away.

It was several hours later when the TV confirmed that there were no
survivors. Mom opened her cell phone and called her Bishop. It was time to
call Randy home from his mission.

The doctor came out and said Rick was awake and that he was asking for his
sons.

Steve, Andy and I walked back into the Emergency Room suite. We found Rick
hooked up to some equipment. He opened his eyes when he heard us come
in. His eyes were red and saddened.

"Oh Rick." I could feel tears running down my cheek.

"I know, Jamie. I know." Rick said.

The 3 of us crowded around the bed, each of his taking Rick into our arms
and we each cried together.

We stayed with Rick until they gave him something for sleep.


Excepts of Rick's journal entries:


I was released the following morning. The airline had called all the
families and arranged for us to travel to Philadelphia to bring the bodies
back to Houston. That afternoon, I was sitting on an airplane, just like
the one Jim had been on. Jamie and Steve were sitting with me. Across the
aisle were Andy and his mother, and Kevin and Terry's mother and Joel's
mother. This was one journey in my life I never dreamed I would take.

We landed in Philadelphia early that evening. It was dark so we couldn't
see the burned out wreaks of the airplanes.

The airport had turned a hangar into a morgue. Jamie and I went first into
the hangar. We spoke to some officials who directed us to the victims of
the Airway flight. Rows and rows of bodies in plastic bags, lined the
hangar. Jamie and I were lead down a row of carts until we were shown where
everyone was. I started checking the tags. Jamie was checking the tags
behind me. Jamie said he found Joel and Terry. I told him I found Tyler and
Adam. I found Jared, he found Kevin. I found Paul and Aaron. Jamie said he
found Jim.

I turned to Jamie and asked him if he was okay.

Jamie opened his arms to me. I wrapped mine around him.

I told him, we would get through this.

Jamie nodded his head.

I turned to the cart where Jamie said Jim was on. I walked up to the top of
it. I reached for the zipper and turned to Jamie. Jamie said he wanted to
see. I pulled the zipper down. I was expecting to see Jim burned and
charred. Jim had a lot of smoke snoot and a couple of burns on his face as
I continued pulling down the zipper and he looked like the fire didn't get
to him. He must have died for smoke inhalation.

I reached for his left hand. I touched the ring on his finger I gave him 5
years ago when we had that special evening when I had us dressed in our
Missionary suits and I slowly seduced him.

Jamie came up next to me. Jamie reached and touched his Dad's face. We both
knew that we had lost the most important person in our lives. I put my arms
around Jamie as he looked upon Jim. This would be a moment neither of us
would ever forget.

We checked Joel, Terry and Kevin to see if there was much damage to them. I
wanted to make sure that the bodies were in good enough condition to be
viewed before the mothers saw them.

Being satisfied, Jamie went and got the mothers and Steve.

This gave me some moments alone with Jim.

I looked at his face, remembering our last kiss. The last time we made
love. The first time I ever saw him. The moment I fell in love with
him. The last time I told him I loved him. The last time I heard his
voice. As I stood over Jim, I took out a handkerchief and wiped his mouth
and than I kissed him. His lips were so cold. I told him how much I loved
him.

The mothers came up and Jamie and I lead Joel's mother to him. I unzipped
the bag for her. She fell over his body and wept. I turned to the cart next
to Joel's and unzipped the bag Terry was in. His mother seemed to collapse
into herself and Jamie and Steve held on to her. The guys stayed with here
as I showed her Kevin. I showed Andy his father. We stood among our loved
ones, crying. Jamie and Steve went up to Joel and Terry, their best friends
and they kissed them. They did the same for Jared and Kevin.

Arrangements to take the bodies back to Houston was made as Jamie had the
only legal right to sign for his father. Since I had no legal rights to
Jim.

I sat with the mothers during the flight back. Joel's mother handed me an
envelope. Joel had made arrangements for him and Terry after their trip to
Salt Lake City 5 years ago. Joel had bought the two plots in the West
Valley City Cemetery next to Brian. The mothers honored Joel wishes and
agreed with the arrangements. Their sons would be buried in Utah with
Brian.

I had contacted all the surviving family members, asking them if we could
have one funeral for the group. Jared's family declined but did allow him
to be buried next to Kevin in a private graveside service. I requested
Jared's family to place the feather in Jared's hands. They told me they
would.

The funeral was held in the city's convention center. Hundreds of people
from around the country, who knew or worked with the Gabriel foundation,
came to pay their final respects and to make donations to the foundation.

Jamie and Steve never left my side. Each one held my hand. Joel's dad
escorted his mother to the service. Brian's mother flew in and supported
Terry and Kevin's mother.

Sean came to be with his mother and brought his wife and kids.

The open caskets were lined up along the front of the stage. Flowers
flooded the area.

So many spoke about Jim, Adam and Aaron for their contributions to
society. Paul's sons spoke about their father and how Jim was so good to
them, teaching them to learn and understand about acceptance.

All were recognized for their efforts to help make the world a better place
for ALL people to live.

Jim was honored for his life's work and for his selfless efforts for the
Gabriel Foundation.


The closing song was "Out Here On My Own" from the movie FAME.

The words spoke about trying to prove whom we are, reaching for the stars
to guide us along out here, and to guide us home on our own. When you're
down, and alone, close your eyes to be close me, to be strong for me.

I couldn't control my emotion during the song. I felt Jamie and Steve
crying. I don't think there was a dry eye at the service. The three of
walked up to the caskets so we could say goodbye. I took the white roses I
brought and placed one rose on the chest of each of my friends and my
lover. I touched Jim's hands for the last time. I stood at his coffin and
didn't want to leave it. Jamie had his arm around me and tried to move
me. He finally took my hand and led me away.

The families followed and when they all had passed by their loved ones, we
stood, side my side as the casket lids were closed.

The caskets were loaded into the hearses. Jamie, Steve, Randy, Andy and I
followed Jim's to the cemetery in Spring. A beautiful place that both Jim
and I found to be peaceful and had abundance of trees. I watched with
complete sadness as Jim's casket was lowered inside the ground.

Jamie, who had been so strong for me, lost all control and slumped to his
knees weeping. I turned to Jamie, but his mother had already gone to
him. Steve had his arms around me. I saw Randy and Andy standing next to
their stepfather, supporting each other, but not too far from me. After Jim
was in place, Jamie, Randy, Andy and I tossed soil into the grave.

As priesthood holders, Randy and Andy offered the blessings and prayers
over the gravesite.

We later gathered at the graveside for Kevin. Jared was already buried
there. I watched as two mothers, Joel's and Brian's, support the one. Sean
was embracing his mother. His mother had long since forgiven Sean. Again,
blessings and prayers were said for Jared and Kevin.

Adam and Tyler were buried together in a plot not too far from Jim's. They
had had a wonderful relationship. They belonged together.

After the graveside services, I took Joel and Terry's mothers to the
airport. Jamie and Steve insisted on going with us to Salt Lake to take the
bodies to their final resting place. Jamie and Steve were determined to
stay right with me.

We flew in silence over the Rocky Mountains. This was going to be the first
time I had been to Salt Lake since I came out for my mission.

It was on the plane to Salt Lake City that I realized that the 5th
anniversary of the dream was the day of the accident.

I looked out of the window, over the mountains, thinking about the path of
my life. With each fork in the road I have encountered, I was always able
to choose the right one. Even now, the road I took with Jim, I would take
again and again. But where will my path lead me now?

We stood at the gravesites with the 3 mothers, who were now bonded together
by the love of their sons and now the death of their sons.

Brian's grave was isolated from the rest of the cemetery. I didn't know
whether that had been by choice or not.

But, Brian wasn't alone anymore.

I knew Joel must be at peace in his death, being laid to rest between the
only 2 men he ever loved.


The end of Chapter 38