Date: Wed, 18 Feb 2004 20:37:35 -0800 (PST)
From: gaymormonwriter@yahoo.com
Subject: Born To Be A Missionary Chapter 8

Born To Be A Missionary
Chapter 8


>From Jim's perspective:

I was thrilled when I got the message that Tyler's brother would be seeing
me today. I had a cancellation and he accepted the appointment. My thoughts
are with Tyler, he is in Illinois seeing Gary. I hope all goes well.

I walked out to the waiting room and introduced myself to Travis. A sharp
looking young man, not as blond as Tyler, slimmer, with blue eyes. He
appeared to be about 6 feet tall. I led him to my office and he took the
same rocker that Tyler would take.

"I am glad you came in Travis."

"I didn't want to come here at first, but my Dad pretty much talked me into
it."

"Okay, do you know why you are here?"

"Dad said you were Tyler's doctor and I figured you wanted to talk about
Tyler."

"Yes, I do. I know you and Tyler are pretty much estranged from each other
at this time. Do you see that changing anytime soon, Travis?"

"No, I don't like what Tyler is doing, he isn't the brother I remember. I
miss that brother I had before I went on my mission."

"Are you angry with Tyler?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"For a lot of things, lying to me, not trusting me, being a pervert with
other men, disrupting the family, hurting my parents^yeah I think that
pretty well covers it."

"Hmmm. Travis what do think about homosexuality?" Travis seem to hesitate
before answering.

"I am confused. I have searched the internet, trying to understand what it
is and why it happens. I want to believe that Tyler was born with it, but I
keep thinking it isn't that."

"If Tyler wasn't born with homosexual tendencies, do you think it is a
behavior problem?"

"It is sick, I would say mental illness, but the experts say it isn't. I
don't know." Travis says shaking his head.

"That night in the motel room when he told you, how did you feel?"

"Sick. Just plain sick."

"The next night you told him off. If Tyler was accurate with what you said,
I can't find fault with most of what you said at all."

"Really?"

"Yes, he betrayed your trust. No relationship works without trust. But,
think about it, what if he had come to you when he was 14 or 15 and told
you he had these thoughts, sexual thoughts with men. You being 16 or 17,
how would your reaction have been?"

"Probably told him he was sick and disgusting. I would've brought out my
scriptures and start quoting. I would have^.", he thought for a
minute,"^.he couldn't tell me could he, he knew me too well. Instead of
helping, I would have been critical of him. Doctor, I would not have known
what to do then and I don't know what to do now."

"I know."

**********************************************************************************************

>From Tyler's perspective:

There is his house. I pulled the car up to the curb and parked it. I hope
he is home. I thought all the way up here how I was going to do this. After
all the time I don't think I am still not ready. I reached for the door and
handle and let myself out of the car. I found myself at the front door all
ready. I reached up and knocked on the door. I can't believe I am holding
my breath. The door opens. Gary looked at me with disbelief. I could see
the pain enter his eyes. Pain I know I caused. We just stand there looking
at each other. Then^

"Tyler^" he said.

"Gary^" I said, "Can we go someplace to talk, please?"

Gary just nodded his head, "Let me get my jacket."

We got in my car. Nothing was said in the car. I took Gary to my motel
room, it had a table and chairs. Gary and I went in and sat down. "I
suppose I need to start," I said, "I^ah^.feel^.," I felt tears watering
my eyes. Damn it. I can't get emotional but I can't help it. "I ^^."

"I am glad you are alive, I worried about you." Gary said.

I swallowed hard, trying to control myself.

"I was so afraid that you might do something to yourself and^I couldn't
bear that if it had happened."

"Gary, I am so sorry. I guess I kind of left you up in the air. I wasn't
thinking right then. I haven't thought right for 5 years actually."

Gary just nodded his head. I hurt him, I hurt so bad.

"Gary^I have admitted to my doctor, family and bishop that I am gay. You
knew what I was doing, manipulating everything^playing everyone. You were
the only one who challenged me until last month. I stopped seeing those
other 2 psychiatrists, my Dad and Bishop had me go to this specialist who
works with teens dealing with sexual orientation and religion. I finally
realized and accepted that what I was doing wasn't working, I had to
stop. I hurt a lot of people doing what I was doing. I hurt you. I know
that now. You offered me your love, companionship, a safe place to live and
a relationship^a relationship I wanted but couldn't bring myself to
accept. I always loved you as a friend, then you came out to me and I was
afraid of where it would go. After our day together, I knew I wanted you
and I still wanted my mission. I thought letting you go was what I had to
do, to protect myself from letting the truth out. In hindsight, I never got
to go on my mission and I lost you. I lost all around."

"You really loved me, Tyler?"

"Yes, I know it has been 2 years, but I still love you. I have missed
having you in my life."

"Tyler^..I never stop loving you. I searched the internet trying to find
anything on you. An email address, church records for
missionaries^anything and it was like you disappeared. I even went to the
Social Security Death website just to make sure you were not there. I have
checked weekly the Affirmation website hoping not to find you in the
memorial section. I have missed you so much, Tyler."

I couldn't take it anymore, I had to feel him in my arms. I got up and went
to him, kneeled down, took him into my arms and we both cried our eyes
out. He felt good in my arms. I brought my lips to his cheek and kissed and
whispered that I loved him.

**********************************************************************************************

>From Jim's perspective:

"Do you miss Tyler?"

"Yes, I do. But it won't be the same. It's different, he changed it."

"Yes, he has changed from you perspective. Tyler is still your brother. He
now has accepted the fact that he is gay. He has withdrawn his membership
from the church, there will be no mission. As we will speak, he is suppose
to be making amends with someone who cared about him."

 "My dad knows all this doesn't he?"

"Yes. He does."

"Dad was the only one to hang in there with Tyler."

"Yes, he was. He knew the consequences if he didn't. Did you know Tyler was
suicidal?"

"No." Travis' eyes got real big. "Did he try?"

"Yes, he did."

Travis had a pained look on his face.

"Your Dad caught Tyler with your his shotgun pointing at his head. Your Dad
talked him out of it. Your Dad didn't tell your mother. Only Bishop Green."

Travis appeared to be letting it all sink in.

"Travis^He knows that he hurt you and it torn him up. He knew everything
you said to him about being brothers and about trust was true. He felt he
had be the one to tell you. That was his way of being honest with you."

"Ah^."

 "I know you have a lot to think about. Tyler misses you and I suspect you
miss him as well. If you would like to come back and talk this through so
that maybe someday you and Tyler might reconcile, I am available. There is
no rush, we have all the time in the world to work on this. Whatever we
talk about will stay with us, I won't discuss it with Tyler. Are you okay
with all this, Travis?"

"I have some thinking to do, some praying to do^I do miss my brother. I
don't know if I can accept the whole gay thing and all."

"I know, hopefully we can work on that."

"Okay."

"That's our hour. Here's my card if you want to call with a question or
want to make another appointment."

"Thank you Dr. Haines. Dad says you really helped Tyler. Thank you for
that."

"Your welcome, Travis."

With that Travis was on his way.


**********************************************************************************************

>From Tyler's perspective:


I held Gary in my arms. I finally got up and went to the bed and sat down
and asked Gary to come over and join me. I sat Indian style. Gary came over
and sat down. I took his hand on mine.

"Gary, I want you back in my life, I haven't been the same since I left
you. I'm was tired of living the way I was and you offered to share your
life with me. I was so very wrong for not accepting your offer. I know it
has been 2 years and I would like to reconsider my answer if the offer is
still on the table."

Gary sat there, it was hard to read him. He looked away from me and my
heart sank.

"Tyler, I have made a lot of bad decisions in the last couple of years and
I don't know if I am any good at the relationship thing. After you told me
that you wanted your mission and you never called me back, I went on. I met
a guy online. His name was Julian, he was from Canada. He was my age. He
moved in right away. 6 weeks later he has decided to move to California, a
young guy invited him to come live there in a condo rented by other gay
guys. Now I knew our relationship wasn't what I thought it was, he didn't
want to be monogamous. He had been seeing other guys. I reluctantly
accepted it. I drove him to California. I was invited to come out as
well. I declined. When I got back to Houston, I kept getting calls from the
other guys that Julian was depressed and he missed me. When I spoke to
Julian, that is what he told me, he wanted me to come out there. He missed
me. I left my job, moved my stuff out there. The first night there with
Julian, he rejected me. Said he couldn't do anything with me as he had
committed to some other guy he met in a chat room. I was a fool. We shared
the room and expenses. I saw some guys, one even offered me a relationship,
but he was in San Francisco and since I was locked into a lease, I thought
a long distance relationship wouldn't work. I kicked myself for that one. I
found it more and more difficult to stay there and decided to walk away
from the lease. I couldn't find another place to go, so I asked for a
transfer with the company I was working for. I came back here to
Illinois. Since then I have lost 3 jobs. Got sick and couldn't work. Just
before I got sick I met a young guy, about 28. We got along fine for
awhile. It crashed about 3 weeks later when I found out he had a
boyfriend."

Gary was quiet for a little while. I didn't' say anything, I couldn't.

"I am 48 years old, Tyler, I am lonely and hurt."

"I'm sorry, Gary."

"I guess you want to know if there is a chance for us?"

I nodded my head.

"Gary, I blew the first chance I had with you, I don't know how a
relationship works, I don't know how to love and care for someone. Don't
think it was easy for me to say goodbye to you, it wasn't. I have always
known I gave you up for the wrong reasons. It was me, you offered me so
much and it was right and no one had ever done that for me and no one
since. I was a fool. I had a lot of growing up to do. If I had accepted
your offer, I would have had to deal with all the truths I had been hiding.
Gary, I want another chance with you."

Tears were running down my face. I never thought about how I would deal
with it if he rejected me. I felt my heart beating. I felt the tears on my
hands as I wiped my face off.

"Tyler^I^.ah^.," then he turned to me, "I want the chance too."

We both had big smiles on our faces. I leaned in and gently kissed Gary on
the lips.

"I thought you didn't like kissing, Tyler?", Gary asked.

"I didn't' till I met you." Then I kissed him again. Gary responded with
his tongue as it pushed it's way into my mouth. My hands caressed his face
as we kissed each other. Gary's arms were around me, pulling me into
him. This was so right I could feel it. I reached for his shirt to start
unbuttoning it. But he grabbed my hand.

"We need to talk about this before we go any further, Tyler."

I sighed. The sex talk.

"You want to know if I am clean. I had an HIV test 6 weeks ago and then
again l0 days ago, I am negative. I also, had the other tests^all
negative, thankfully."

"Okay, my last HIV test was negative. When I got sick with infection after
my surgery, they ran every test on me and gave me every know antibiotic. I
was clean. I have seen 3 guys this year. The first one freaked out after
seeing my abdomen, bandaged and scared. The second one just ended with us
jerking each other off. The third, I sucked him for awhile, he finished
himself off and then he jacked me off. That's it. Sad isn`t it?"

"I am the one who is sad, Gary, I never stopped going to the park. I was
reckless and I could have gotten hurt. My last trip to the park was 7 weeks
ago. I am not going back. If you have any doubts about me, I want to be
monogamous with you. No one else. Just you and me. I want to be intimate
with you Gary."

Gary reached for me and brought his lips to mine. At this point I was
praying that it not end now. Gary's hand found it way to the top of my
shirt and started to unbutton my shirt. We took each others clothes off. We
were laying there naked. Kissing. Touching each other. When I saw his
scars, it was a shock, but I knew I had to learn to live with it. Our
kisses moved to our necks, our hands slowly moving to our cocks. Gary,
found mine and took a hold of it and gently squeezed it. I found his. Gary
is about 6 inches, cut. My hand sealed itself around his cock. Our lips
returned to each other as we slowly squeezed and jacked each other. Then
without a word said we moved into a 69 position. I took Gary into my mouth
and slowly sucked his cock, moving my lips up and down his shaft and
tickling his gland with my tongue. Gary had my 8 inches all the way to my
pubes. Even though I am cut, Gary liked the fact that I had some foreskin
left enough to move up unto my gland and he would stroke his tongue and
circle around the skin.

We fell into each other as we sucked our cocks, lovingly. I swirled my
tongue around his head and massaged his shaft with my fingers. Gary's
tongue moved to my balls, he took each one into his mouth. Then he moved my
tongue down to my rectum. Gary rimmed me with such a force. I have never
been bottomed, but feeling his tongue trying to poke it's way inside was
driving me wild. Gary left my hole and consumed my cock again as he started
to probe my hole with his finger. He slipped it in. I was having trouble
concentrating on his cock, but I did the same to him, with a rim and a
finger I had him moaning as much as I was. It didn't take me long as I felt
the my orgasm approaching. I felt Gary's balls pull up, realizing he was
close. I warned Gary I was about to cum and he sped up his movements. I
flooded his mouth with cum. A lot of cum. Then his cock exploded in my
mouth. I had only done that once before. Since Gary and I were together, I
wanted to take his cum. It was thick, tasted a little salty and I loved
it. Gary managed to take all the cum I had. We cleaned each other up and
scooted around so I could snuggle with him.

I laid my head on his should, his arm was around me. My hand was on his
chest, running my fingers through his hair.

"I missed you Tyler."

"I missed you too, Gary."

I moved my hand down to his cock and balls, he was soft and I just laid my
hand on top of them. Holding them.

"Tyler, this had better work out."

"It will. I promise, Gary, I won't leave you."

I looked up at Gary, my lover and he had a tear slip from his eye. It
tugged at my heart. I had a lot of making up to do. We laid there with each
other, intimately for about an hour. Then I think we both realized we were
hungry. We showered and went out to dinner at Steak and Ale. Then we
returned to the room.

As soon as the door was closed, I turned on Gary, kissed his cheek and
whispered his ear," I want you inside me, my love."

Gary had only known me as a top, Gary was a top. No one has ever been
inside me and I never wanted it more than I did right then. Gary pulled my
face around to his.

"Are you sure you want to go there? You don't have to prove yourself to me
that way."

"I know. It would only be right that you be my first."

"Oh, Tyler," and he covered his mouth with mine.

We undressed and I dug out of my luggage the lube.

"What about a condom?"

"No, my first time I want it bareback."

"Tyler, that isn't safe. I can't in good conscience to that to you."

"Gary, I love you. I want to feel you inside me. I want to feel you cum
inside me."

"I don't know, Tyler, I want to be tested again first."

"From what you told I believe you are safe. Please, let me have it this
way."

Gary moved me to the bed and laid over and kissed me.

"I am a fool in love, Tyler, you are so bad."

"I know, " I said, "Make love to me big guy."

Gary started to kiss me all over my neck and then down my chest. His hands
and mouth working together to massage and relax me. When he got to my cock,
he began by just licking the sides and then the gland. He lubed a finger
and began to work my hole to loosen it up. My cock was engulfed into his
mouth as he sucked me and started to open me up. Then there was two
fingers, then three.

"Gary, now, I am ready, do it."

Gary put a single drop of lube on the head of his cock and brought it to my
rectum. He started swirling the head at the hole, then he started pushing,
gently. Then the head was in and he stopped moving allowing me a chance to
adjust to the pressure.

"Do it Gary."

Gary slipped his amazing cock into my ass, it hurt for a few moments, then
it started to feel fantastic. Gary was slow stroking my insides with his
cock. I could feel his length. I could feel his head. I could feel his
balls gliding up against my ass cheeks. Gary was making love to me. It was
wonderful. Gary reached for my cock and took his finger and rubbed the
gland as he was probing the depths of my ass. He moved his finger to just
behind the head and rubbed.

Sensations after sensations was rocking me. I never knew it could be so
good.  With his lubed hand he started stroking my cock to the same rhythm
of his own cock inside me. His cock was hitting my prostate and I knew it
wouldn't be long before I shot my cum. Gary started to increase his pace
and I figured he was getting close, so I pushed down on his cock and that
did it, his gulped air as he unloaded his seed inside me. I could feel the
strength of his first couple of shots.  That put me over as my 8 inch cock,
throbbed and shot off way against the headboard of the bed behind me. Gary
kept moving slowly inside me until he went soft and moved up to me, kissed
me and took me in his arms.

"Oh Tyler, that was incredible. I want you inside me, but later, much
later."

"Oh yeah. I will make you keep that promise, you know."

"I bet you will."

I felt like I was in heaven, laying beside Gary. I moved my hand down again
and rested it upon his cock and balls.

"I could get used to all this pretty easily."

"Me, too" I said.

Laying with Gary, feeling his warm body next to mine, I kicked myself for
not doing this two years ago. It would've saved us both some grief. But we
are together now and for the first time in a long time I feel happy.

"So, Tyler, what's the plan?"

"Tomorrow when we get up, we will go back to the house and get your
stuff. Do you have anything in storage?"

"Yes."

"Well, we will rent a truck and we will get your stuff and I am taking you
back with me to Houston where you belong, with me."

"I was hoping you would say that."

Gary made love to me again before we went to sleep. Who knew I would love
to bottom. The next day we went to U haul, picked up a truck and a car
dolly, loaded the truck and my car on the dolly (Gary decided to leave his
car for his mother) and headed to Houston. Gary and I had a great time
catching up and I am looking forward to spending my life with Gary.