Date: Sun, 17 Jun 2007 19:34:45 +0000 From: Dennis Roth Subject: "A Boys Autumn" / david.txt Disclaimer and some words beforehand: This is my first story containing events, adventures, love, and - yes - also sex between a boy and a man. (So far I wrote comedies and philosophical orientated essays, if somebody wants to know.) The boy David is - unfortunately - not real, so the story and especially the parts containing sex with him is pure fiction. The nature of this story is new as it describes two views, the one of David, the boy and of Jack, the man. That's the reason why the subject matter of the story overlaps sometimes or even repeats itself. English is not my first language, I'm still a learner of it. Please excuse any mistakes. I have to say thank you to Pedro, he helped me a lot, made suggestions for improvement and looked through the story to correct the countless mistakes I made. Thank you, Pedro! :-) If you don't like feelings between men and boys - platonic and sexual ones, you're at the wrong address and should close this file now. To all the others: I'm glad if you take part of my dreams now. Any reaction - except of flames - is welcome. Froop2007@hotmail.de A Boy's Autumn Chapter 1 Paperboy [Jack's point of view] "Do you like a paper, Sir?" I was lying in my sunbed in the garden when I heard this soft high-pitched voice. It was a late summer Saturday afternoon and it was my first free moment after a hard week, I was having - or just about to have - a little nap, so I was a bit upset to be disturbed. I opened my eyes, ready to say something rude, but the harsh words got stuck in my throat when I saw the most beautiful boy I ever met in my life. There stood a boy of about eleven or twelve years in the sun, grey-blue eyes, his skin tanned, hair as blond as the wheat, slender, wearing old dirty shorts and a T-shirt, carrying a bag heavy with newspapers. He noticed my angry face and somehow he seemed to become even smaller than he already was. Scared and shy, he stood there with a pack of a Sunday paper I didn't like to read. "It's a good newspaper," he said now, "you will know a lot of things if you read it!" he said anxiously. I smiled but I also felt sorry for this shy and timorous boy, so I said simply: "OK, give me one." Still shy and guarded he folded and gave me one. "That's three Dollar, please." "Right, come with me, I'll get it!" We went through the garden to the terrace door. I was dazed from the summer sun and couldn't see anything inside for a few moments. The boy stood outside and waited. He looked curiously through the windows. "Come in, boy!" I said. Now I noticed what he was looking at, it was my TV, standing in the corner of the living room, a nice set, 120 centimetres. I bought it last winter to console myself and provide some relief from my loneliness, at least for a few hours at a time. "Wow!", he said, "I never saw such a big telly anywhere!" "It's not too bad," I said modestly, "you should see my collection of movies!" Meanwhile the boy had finally entered and was looking around curiously. "I've often seen your house from the street, Sir. It's a very nice house!" "Thank you ... what's your name?" "I'm David." "Hi, David, my name is Jack." I reached out, for a moment the boy forget his caution and we shook hands. His grip was warm and firm. "Nice to meet you, David!" "And nice to meet you, Jack, Sir!" We were still shaking hands. "Call me Jack!" I said laughing; for the first time he smiled his wonderfully boyish smile and showed me snow white teeth. Such is how I first met David and he took me by storm... I looked into his face a bit too long and suddenly it was quite embarrassing. I released his hand. "Err, here's the money for the paper, David! The extra is for you." I gave him a five Dollar bill. "Oh, thank you, Sir ... I mean, Jack! That's very nice, you know, I'm saving for a bicycle!" This boy was too cute! "Well..." I said thoughtful, "the grass there needs a cut again urgently. Do you want to earn some money?" "Oh, that would be great! I'm really good with a lawn mower!" "OK, I'll pay you twenty Dollar for mowing the lawn, David. Would you like to come tomorrow?" "Twenty Dollar?!" he asked as if he couldn't believe it. In deed I would have paid a hundred only to see his smile again. "Of course, Sir .. err, Jack. What time shall I come?" he asked with big eyes. "Ten o'clock in the morning would be nice, David, if you're awake." And he smiled again. "Of course I am. OK, I'll come. Certainly!" He turned around to go but then looked back again. "Will you really pay me twenty dollars?" "Of course I will, David!" I said laughing again. "It's a promise, and you have to keep a promise, don't you? Do you promise to come tomorrow?" For some unknown reasons his eyes became sad when I said that you have to keep a promise, but he said firmly "Yes, I will come." We said goodbye and I was alone in the living room. He was gone, as if he was a dream. I fell into an armchair, closed my eyes to get his image back, and breathed deeply. "What a boy!" I thought to myself. [David's point of view] I couldn't believe my luck! I got a job from one of the richest men in our village! Two years ago he bought the 'Berkeley' place', an old farmhouse that had been empty for several years. Ar first my friends and I were sad because we'd often played in the old house; it was always an adventure for us. In the old stable we imagined we had some horses of our own; to ride, to be rich. But then the house was sold and for several months we saw many men working on it. We saw the new owner only a few times, a tall blond man in his early thirties, even younger than my dad! Why is he rich and we're not, I kept thinking. Now, he had lived for almost two years in that huge house. It seemed that he wasn't married, because we never saw a woman or kids at the house. My friend Charly joked that he must be gay. "What is 'gay'?" I asked him and he laughed at me because I didn't know. I asked Mommy what is 'gay' and she told me "That's when a man loves not a woman but another man." "But how can they make babies?", I asked her. I was already in the fourth grade and our biology teacher had explained how babies are made. "They can't make babies on their own," she said, "but I think they would be good fathers." Mommy always could explain things real well. And she always answered all my questions. "But doesn't a kid need a mother, too?" I will never forget her eyes in this moment. When I said this she looked at me so sadly, today I think she knew that she had to die. She took me in her arms and held me tight. That's about two years ago. Then she broke down suddenly in September. Dad called for the doctor and he gave her a shot. An ambulance came and brought Mommy to the hospital. We weren't allowed to come into her room, we stood behind a window and wave to her, but she was too weak to wave back. Then she died. I was so sad and cried for days and weeks. I miss her so much. Tomorrow I will go to Mr. Martin and mow his lawn for twenty Dollar! I was so scared to go to him. But Daddy ordered me to sell all papers before I come back to home, and I still had eighteen back. I saw him in the garden laying in the sun, next to him stood a large sunshade and a little table with a glass. I went silently through the garden. He had his eyes closed but I took all my courage and asked him if he wants a paper. First he made an angry face, he opened his eyes and I was ready to run away. But then his eyes became very big when he saw me, he closed and opened them again and he didn't look angry any longer. He agreed to take one and I had to follow him into the house. First I was scared again, Dad said I never may go into the house of a foreign man, but he looked so kindly that I went with him. He went through the terrace door and for a moment he stood inside and rubbed his eyes. I was so curious to have a glimpse inside the house and I put my head around the corner quickly. For a moment I could see an enormous TV, bigger than anything I've ever seen. I heard Mr. Martin coming back with the money, so I pulled my head back, but he had already seen me, so he ordered me to come in. I was so curious, I wanted to see this TV from near. "Wow!", I said, "I never saw such a big telly anywhere!" "It's not too bad, you should see my collection of movies!" Cool, if he owns such a big telly I could imagine his collection of movies! It had to be grand! I told him that I often saw his house from the street and in the same moment I could have slapped me. If I said I know his house he maybe thought that I snoop around if he wasn't at home. But he didn't care and asked me for my name. After I told him he stretched out his hand and introduced himself as 'Jack'. No grown-up ever did this, I mean has told me the own name after I've said mine. They nod in agreement but don't tell their own one as if they don't have one. But Mr. Martin simply said his first name. He really seemed to be a nice guy. We shook our hands for long time and Mr. Martin, I mean Jack, looked a little bit funny into my eyes, for a very long time until I looked down. Then I got five Dollar from him and he said I could keep the rest! Wow, two Dollar tip. I got ten cent from Dad for every paper I was selling, but I have to be on the move for more than six hours to sell them all. If I'm lucky I sell 25 or 26 from the 30 I get, that means 2,50 Dollar from Daddy fee and sometimes a few cents tip. But nobody ever gave me two Dollar! I said that I save for a bicycle. Everybody had one, except me. I have to go to school on foot and my friends laughed at me because Daddy was so poor that he even couldn't afford a bicycle for me. But he wasn't so poor, he spent all the money for booze. After Mom was dead, he was mostly drunken. Jack looked at me again strangely and asked suddenly if I want to earn some money by mowing his grass. Of course I wanted! And as he told I would earn 20 Dollar for one time mowing I couldn't believe it. Twenty bucks! And if I would do a good job I could earn more money working in his garden. I was so lucky that I asked twice. Jack laughed again and told me it's a promise and that you have to keep a promise! I thought about my father, he always promised to stop drinking, promises to buy a bicycle, promises to take more care of us - my little brother Mike, he's seven - and me, but not a bit of help we got of him! Sometimes I think nobody loves me any more since Mom is gone. I didn't wanted to become a guy as like my father, I always wanted to keep my promises, so I said that I will come certainly. Then I left, still a little bit sad that I have such a poor nasty father. Chapter 2 Gardening [Jack's point of view] David is in my garden with a newspaper again and he's looking for me. But I'm inside, in the library. I can see him through the first floor window and want to call him, but I can't get the damned thing open. I run downstairs, afraid that he's already gone, but he's lying on the hammock behind the house, reading newspaper. There are huge piles of papers and I know David has to read and sell them all. I feel sorry for him that he must work so hard. "Hi, David!" I call him. I'm pleased to see him. "Hi, Jack!" he replies and smiles at me. The same honest smile I already saw at him. I sit down on the hammock and lay my hand on his head, smiling too. "You're so nice, David, I wish you were my son!" The sky grows pink. "And I wish you were my father, Jack." I can't hold back and kiss David on his lips. Kiss him, hug and kiss him .... I wake up with an enormous erection. What a dream! But now I was really sad, because I would never be able to marry a woman and have a son on my own. I don't like women, I like boys. I longed to have an intimate boy friend and maybe make love with him, but all I was able to do was to masturbate to the pictures of nude boys. I felt so dreadful! I laid in my pillows and cried. I thought of David and his upcoming ten o'clock visit. It was almost seven now and I stood up to make a short ride on Patric, my big black horse, a dear gelding I bought some months ago as company for me as well as the ponies I already had. Shower, riding-trousers, boots, everything in hurry, finally I was ready to ride. I whistled in front of the paddock. When the horses saw me from the other side of the paddock a big hullabaloo started and they galloped toward me. I smiled. Through a lot of sad times in my life the horses have been a great comfort to me. It was a grand morning in late summer, warm, the air was soft, really nice weather for a ride! Patric was in mood to run, I cleaned and saddled him quickly and swung myself onto his back. "C'mon, sweety, let's run!" I didn't need to tell him twice, Patric ran faster than the wind. I made the same short tour as almost every morning, through the village - everybody was still asleep except the farmers and the cattle they had to tend. I rode through the forest and made a stop at a small lake. I dismounted and sat down for a moment, while Patric started to graze. Maybe I would have a boyfriend in David? I smiled when I thought about the word 'boyfriend'... Boy... friend... Yes, David, I would like to be your boy - friend, and I would love it if you would be my boy - friend. I hadn't learned anything about him or his family since I moved into this village. No wonder, I never thought to be part of the parties that were celebrated or the assemblies people had. I hate talking about nothings "Isn't it nice weather today?" "Oh, yes, indeed, but yesterday it was lovely, too!" Things like that. I was kind to people but they got the message I didn't want to be part of them. I remembered David's bright eyes and thought that he must be a clever boy. I closed my eyes, tried to get him back in my head, to see the boy before my inner eye. There were of course simple weights, measures and numbers, roughly 40 Kilo, 150 cm and something near 12 years. He was tall and slender, very slender. More important to me were his eyes. They were big, wide, and blue-grey, just as our ocean some hundred metres away, at the same way clear and cool but friendly, sometimes a little sad. His nose was neither too long nor too short, it complemented with his high cheek bones to nice features that gave him almost something womanly. Just as his pretty curved lips, which, opened often and with pleasure, showed rows of snow white teeth; his small ears which nonetheless seemed to hear everything; his hair was blond, as blond as the fields of wheat. His arms and legs were strong and straight but not muscular, tanned by the summer's sun. His body was still boyish, showing the first small signs of becoming a man, big feet, big hands with long thin fingers. I never saw such a perfect body of a boy. My dream of last night occurred, I could remember every detail. Still with closed eyes I imagined laying here in the grass with David. Touching him. Kissing him... The idea was so wonderful that I opened my eyes expecting David just at my side. But nobody was here. I was alone. "OK, Patric, back home to breakfast. I think we're hungry!" And Patric looked at me and nodded in agreement. David was on time, he arrived at ten o'clock. I was in the stable grooming the horses. "Hi, Jack!" he shouted and smiled. The same smile as I already saw in my dream this morning. I had to swallow. "Hi, David! Are you in mood to mow the grass?" "Of course I am. Where's the lawn mower?" "Over there in the shed, but first you can help me with the horse. Come here or are you afraid of horses?" David got big eyes as he looked at Patric but he said bravely: "No, no, if he does no harm to me I'm not afraid." "He won't. It's a promise. Come here and take the brush!" David hesitated for a second but the he climbed above the parapet. He wore shorts again and the same dirty T-shirt. It had some wholes and was frayed out at the shoulders. "Where's the brush?" he asked. "Over there in the box. OK, come here and brush him with long strokes from neck to back. Yes, that's right." David had to stand on his tiptoes to reach the neck but he did well. But suddenly Patric blew his nose and turned his head around. David leapt, with a frightened look on his face. "Come on, come on, he meant no harm. He's curious who you are!" I said. And David - brave boy - came back and started grooming again, though very cautiously. "OK, and now the other side. Oh-oh, no wait a second, you mustn't go behind a horse, in case he's frightened for some reasons and kicks out. You always have to move in front of the horse. Yes, that's it!" "Have you rode him today?" David asked. "Yes, I ride every morning. Through the little forest near the village. My daily exercise." David looked under the horse's neck. "Why that? The horse must run, not you. Why is it an exercise?" I laughed. "Oh, riding is not so easy, David! You have to exert some effort to stay on his back and you have to work with the horse with your knees and thighs." "I wished I can do that, too. May I ride him some day?" Oh, this boy was great! A minute ago he was frightened by a snorting horse, now he wanted to learn riding! "Why not, David? Well, first lesson: how to groom a horse. First curry then brush him. Then we clean his eyes and his private parts, lastly the hooves. Over there's a bucket, go into kitchen and fetch some warm water, please." When David was gone I spoke to Patric. "Now, do you like this boy?" I asked him. "Well, that's not the question. Question is, if you like the boy!" Patric replied. That's an old game I make with my animals. I imagine that they're able to talk to me. And many many times I was right! "I think I'm falling in love with him." "Think about that twice," said the voice in my head, "you don't know what kind of trouble you'll get involved in. He seems to be sad about something." David came back. "OK, with the green sponge we clean his eyes and nostrils. Like this: from back to front because we don't want to push something behind his eyes. That's fine. And with the red sponge we clean his private parts." I knelt down and laid my hand on the sheath. Quickly his penis projected out almost 50 centimetres. David giggled. "Wow, what a dick!" he said. "Isn't it? Almost as big as my one!" David giggled again. "OK, we dampen the sponge and clean his member very carefully." I took it in my left hand and ran some water over it. "OK, try it yourself!" And David took the horse dick very carefully into his hand. "It's an odd feeling!", he giggled. But he did it correctly. As I saw this little gorgeous boy touching my gelding's large dick I had to close my eyes and stand up quickly; I got a hard-on! "OK, at least the anus. Raise his tail, dampen the sponge again and wipe him as if he were on toilet. That's great!" David did it without any disgust. He smelled at his hands. "It doesn't stink!" he said surprised. "Of course not, horses are herbivores. Only carnivores have stinking shit, as like human beings. Now we need the scratcher for the hoofs." "Is it this one?" David asked, showing me. "Yes, that's it. OK, we start with the left foreleg. You have to stand beside the horse looking the other way. Bend down and tap him on the leg, then he realize what you want and shifts his weight to the other leg. Have you seen? Now you can pull the hoof up like this while you press your left shoulder against his. We scratch all the straw and dung out of it." David had watched attentively. "Do you want to try it on your own?" I asked. He went to the hind leg, bend down and tapped it. Good boy! "OK, now take the hoof and pull it up, yes, with some power." Now I stood directly behind David. He was very near; I could smell his boyish scent. "Be careful that you hold the hoof tight, if it slips out of your hand it mustn't drop on your foot!" David lay nearly in my arms, I reached with my arms around him to lend him a hand. He did very well. "Not too cautiously, we have to get the dirt out of it! Yes, that's it!" David turned his head around for a brief moment our cheeks touched. I was electrified. David also showed a reaction, he was surprised but not scared. "Is that OK?" he asked. "Yes, that's it, very well done!" We both stood up again, I tousled his hair and laid my hand on his shoulder. Through the wholes of his T-shirt I could feel his bare skin. He was so slender! He smiled from ear to ear and showed his teeth again. It was obvious that this boy didn't get very much praise at home or at school, to be so pleased by a small amount of appreciation. We finished quickly the other hooves and let Patric go back to his paddock. He was glad to be done with grooming and ran to the little ponies. They greeted him cheerfully and after a while they grazed peacefully. "Now we've earned a glass of milk, I suppose!" I said. [David's point of view] Mike's singing woke me up. He was already awake playing with his toys. He knew that he had to let me sleep in on Sunday and couldn't shake me awake any more, but this little ass had begun to sing in the morning. "... twinkle, twinkle, little staaaar..." Mike sang and in mind I sang with him. I was much too old to sing such childish songs loudly, even if I was in mood to. I yawned and stretched my legs, I noticed that my dick was hard and stiff like every morning the last few months. I laid my hand on it and pressed the shaft firmly, it felt so nice. My friend Mark said that he had already 'done it' but I didn't know what he meant. I got up, went into the kitchen and looked into the fridge in hopes to find something to eat. But except for beer there was nothing in sight! I could hear Dad snoring in the living room. He definitely had a hang over as he does every morning until he gets one or two beers in him. Most of the time he was drunk and I had to take some money from his pocket to buy something to eat for us. Normally I waited until he was too drunk to notice. I still loved him. What would happen to us if he died, too? But now I was on my way to earn some money of my own! If I did good job for Jack, he would give me other work and more money. I wondered if he really was gay, but how could I find out? I heard one time that there are nasty men who rape children, even boys. Are these gay men? I knew how girls are raped but boys? Jack was so nice, I didn't think he's gay. I had to travel three kilometres so I set off. Mike asked where I was going to and if he could come with me, but I just said, that I have to earn money and that he had to stay at home. I didn't want to have him around me while I was at Jack's. What would he thought if I came with my little brother to work? Thankfully Mike wasn't a pest about it, he didn't ask again, he was still in bed with the same stomach-ache he's woken up with every morning the last week. When I walked and sometimes even ran to Jack's I dreamt of my bicycle, standing in the store, waited for me. It was a 'Kettler', a dark blue ten-shift. It cost 790 Dollar and I already had 425 made in the last eleven months. The money was in a box behind the head of my bed, even Mike didn't know about it. Another ten months hard work in the neighbourhood and I can buy it! I smiled when I thought of the dumbsruck faces of Mark and Joe and all the others who have bicycles of their own and laugh about me and Mike. If Jack will pay me a good price I won't have to wait so long! I thought I should to be nice to Jack and do everything he wanted, because I didn't want to make him angry. I arrived at the `Berkeley farm'. On the driveway stood Jack's two cars, his Range Rover and the Porsche. Why the heck does he need two cars? Dad had no car anymore because he couldn't pay the gas and taxes. I looked through the window of the Porsche, wow! 300 km/h! Suddenly I heard the voice of Jack. "Do you like this, pal?" he asked. I turned around quickly but couldn't see him. The voice had come out of the stable. Very quietly I went to the gate and looked around the corner. Nobody was in there except Jack and his big black horse. The saddle lay nearby, it looked as if he just came back from riding. He brushed the horse and talked with him. Now he said my name! "Now, Patric, where's David? Didn't he want to come at ten o'clock?" He stopped for a second and said: "What did you say? He's on his way? I think you're right." I had a hard time not to laugh. Jack was talking to his horse! That was too funny! Now he said: "...wonder, if he'd like to groom you too, you little shithead ..." Me? Grooming a horse? I never did anything like that! Could I? What if I did something wrong and the horse bit or kicked me? But I had sworn that I would do everything Jack asked for. The dark blue bicycle! I crept back to the entrance of the driveway and came back loudly. "Hi Jack!" I said smiling. I had to try hard not to laugh out loud! "Hi, David," he said, "in mood to mow the grass?" "Of course I am. Where's the lawn mower?" I wanted to start soon so that I could have some free time this afternoon. But I was wrong, Jack wasn't so fast. "Over there in the shed, but first you can help me with the horse. Come here or are you afraid of horses?" Good heavens, he was serious about me brushing the horse! Shit! I was scared, the black horse was so big, his shoulder was higher as my head! But then I saw the dark blue bicycle in my mind's eye again and swallowed my fears. I climbed around the wall. "Where's the brush?" I asked. Jack showed me and then I had to brush the horse from the front to the back. I did very carefully, always aware that he could bite or lash out. There you are! Suddenly he snorted loudly and turned around his head to bite me, I knew it! But Jack said: "Come on, he meant no harm. He's curious who you are!" Curious who I am? Horses are curious to know boys? Yes, he did look very friendly, so I calmed down again. Jack ordered me to go to the other side of the horse, but then he stopped me and said that I had to go the other way. Aha, never go behind a horse. Lesson No. 1! I asked him if he had ridden this morning, and he said yes, this was his exercise every morning. I didn't understand, how is it an exercise to ride a horse? The horse is running, not the man! But Jack told me that a rider has to 'work' on the horse with knees and thighs. That's odd! It looks so easy to ride a horse, I would like to try it on my own one day. It must be wonderful to sit on the back of a horse riding through the countryside feeling the wind in your hair! I asked Jack if he would let ride me some day. He smiled and said yes! First I had to learn how to groom a horse but he had said yes! I wondered if he would keep all the promises he made. Now he wanted me to fetch some water from the kitchen. Oh well, I was the errand boy and had to go. All grown ups are great at ordering kids around! I went around the side of the house and opened the door. I looked left and right, everything was very tidy and clean, even the kitchen. On the kitchen table stood a bowl of fruit. When Mom was alive our house was very clean and tidy, too, but since she died we were sinking in garbage. In the beginning we had a cleaning lady. She cleaned and cooked for us, but after some time she stayed away, Dad owed her too much. I put the bucket in the sink and turned on the hot water. I looked around. On the wall hung a picture of a boy, a painting, showing his head and upper body. He was nude, I mean, he wore no shirt. The water ran over. What had Jack said? Warm water? Oh, this was much too hot, I nearly burned my hand checking the temperature. I poured out half of the water and turned on the cold. Now it was good, I thought. I looked once again on the picture and wondered if he was a relative of Jack's. I decided to wait for the right moment to ask him. Jack was already waiting for me. He ordered me to get a sponge and to clean the horse's eyes and nostrils. I had to stand on my tiptoes to reach him, but Patric seems to know what I was going to do. He didn't bite. Now Jack said something about cleaning his dong. What? He wanted me to clean a horse's dick? Because I know how to wash my little brother, I didn't think it was too gross. After Mom died Mike started messing his pants again and I had to clean him for several months. He was as helpless as a baby. No wonder he clings to me like a leech! We knelt down between Patric's legs and Jack laid his hand on the place where I guess the cock was held. Suddenly an gigantic penis came out, becoming longer and longer. I thought it would hang down to the ground! Wow, what a cock! "Isn't it?" Jack said, "almost as big as mine!" I had to laugh. I imagined Jack with such a long dick and laughed again. I saw my dad's dick sometimes when he was in the shower. He has had a big dick. I thought about my own little pecker, I didn't even have hair down there like my friends already had. Now I had to hold it with one hand while I poured some warm water over it with the other. It felt funny, warm and tight. I could hear Jack swallow loudly and he stood up. Now I had to clean the horse's rear end, no problem. I smelled my fingers, expecting they'd stink, but all I could smell was straw. Jack explained to me that only 'carnivores' like us have stinking shit. Well, I would really like to eat a nice steak, now! Now we had to clean the hoofs with a funny tool, on one side was a metal hook, on the other a brush. How would a horse lift his leg, front or back? Jack pushed Patric to the side and took the hoof in his hand, it was full of straw and shit. Now I had to do another leg myself, God, it was heavy! Jack stood behind to help, his arms around me. I couldn't remember the last time my Dad held me in his arms, it was a good feeling, I felt nice and save. I imagined that it would be wonderful if Jack was my Dad. I was so surprised to be thinking this that a cold shiver ran down my spine. I turned around and Jack was looking at me in that odd way I had already seen. Now he told me I did a good job, I blushed! Nobody says that I did a good job, nobody! We did the other hoofs as well, I wished that Jack would hold me in his arms again, but he didn't. We opened the door of the stable and Patric ran to the other horses. Jack invited me for a glass of milk and my belly started to rumble. I hadn't eaten anything since lunch yesterday but I was too shy to ask for something. So I was grateful for the milk we drank in his kitchen. I drank too fast, my tummy rumbled again and Jack asked me if I was hungry. I nodded silently. Suddenly he got serious eyes. "David, when did you last have a meal?" It was embarrassing for me, why did he ask such questions? "Hummm..." was all I could say. I looked into his eyes, then to the floor. I didn't want him to know my father was an alcoholic and Mike and me get nothing to eat regularly. But Jack was still waiting for an answer. "Yesterday noon." I said quietly. Jack mumbled something like "...I can't believe it!" I was frightened he might send me away. But he opened a cupboard, took out a plate, opened another cupboard to get a box with some muesli, poured it into the plate and told me to say "when". Then he gushed the rest of the milk over it and let me sit down at the table. I was really hungry, so I started to eat immediately. Jack sat at the other end of the table holding a cup of tea that was left from breakfast and watched me eat. I was almost finished the muesli when I made the mistake of my life. "Jack, are you gay?" I asked him, still chewing. He started to snort the tea out; he swallowed the wrong way and coughed. "What??" he barked back. I blushed right up to the tip of my nose. Oh shit! What had I said? "I'm sorry," I said quickly, "I'm so sorry!" I stood up. "Do you want me to go now?" I was such a fool, now he was angry at me and I would never get a job! "Why the heck do you think I'm gay? Do you have any idea know what gay men are?" Jack asked, not unfriendly. My face was still red, my whole body was, I supposed. "Well ...", I said. I couldn't look him in the eye. "David, look at me! Why do you think I'm homosexual?" Finally I looked up. He didn't look angry but he was astonished and also a bit amused. So I plucked up my courage and said: "Because the people in the village say so. Because you're not married and because you don't have a girlfriend! Because you hang out so often with your neighbour!" "Oh, I see, the people in the village say so!" he replied ironically. "Do you believe everything the people in the village tell you?" "I don't know ... Do I have to go now?" I sad sadly. "David, would you believe me if I tell you that I'm not gay?" "Of course I would." Now it had to come; with the next sentence he would send me to the devil. I was so sad! "Well David, now I will tell you that I'm not sexually interested in men. I'm not married because I haven't found a wife yet. I long to have kids on my own, especially a boy like you, David." My eyes were filled with tears now. "I hang around with my neighbour Ben because he's an intelligent man and I like his company. He isn't gay, either. But I think that gay men would be good fathers, by the way." Now I couldn't hold myself back any longer, I burst out, crying like a baby. Jack stood up and took me in his arms. "Hey, pal, I'm not mad that you asked. It's OK!" "That's not why I'm crying!", I said. He hold my very tight, it felt so good to be hugged firmly by a grown-up again. Jack bent down and looked into my eyes. "What then?" he asked. I no longer worried about him knowing, sooner or later he would find out anyway. "It's because my mother said the same thing shortly before she died. That's two years ago." Now Jack looked sad, too. "Oh, David, I'm so sorry, I didn't know!" He took me in his arms again. I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around him too. [Jack's point of view] David drank the milk in one go. I could hear his stomach rumbling and asked him if he was hungry. When he looked to the ground I began to understand. He hadn't eaten for hours! I asked him if this was true. Yesterday's lunch was his last meal! Dammit, don't his parents take care of him? Every kid needs a proper breakfast! I gave him some muesli and he started wolfing it down. Poor kid, he was starving! I drank some tea while he looked at me pensively. Suddenly he asked: "Jack, are you gay?" My tea went down the wrong way and started to cough. "What??" David blushed and stood up. He started to apologise. I wondered if this boy knew at all what gay men were. Perhaps he hadn't meant any offense. Why the heck did he ask such a question? Did he know that I was starting to feel more than sympathy for him? I insisted on knowing why he'd asked it. David told me the people in the village think that I'm gay because I'm not married. Also I often visit my neighbour Ben, a very intelligent man with whom I'm able to talk about everything - except boylove. But I think Ben knew already, seeing all the photos of foreign boys in my house! I had already guessed the people were saying I was queer, but I didn't mind. They can think what they want, it was amusing to me. I was not running for mayor! And I hated the boozed-up people in the local pub. I preferred listening to classical music by the fire-side with nice conversation and fine wine. But I could understand David, he had heard some things and perhaps also received warnings from his parents? Like "If he touches you, run away!" Well, they weren't so wrong, I had a hard time holding back from hugging and kissing him and never letting him get away again! I remembered touching this slender body when I held him in my arms in the stable. I had to prevent him from leaving my house with this impression, I very much wanted to keep on seeing him. So I tried to explain: "Well David, now I will tell you that I'm not sexually interested in men." I made a break here and thought about how having a son, a son like him, would be wonderful. He stood at the other end of the kitchen, on the verge of tears. I said: "I'm not married because I haven't found a wife yet. I long to have kids on my own, especially a boy like you, David." I hoped that little compliment would calm him down, but I was wrong. Well, I'm really not gay. Boylove and homosexuality are different things. Perhaps boylove is a special form of homosexuality. But loving a man automatically includes something sexual, the love for a boy is platonic! Well, mostly... Shit, I would go into prison for long years, if I were live out all my fantasies! All the gays I know were very nice people, always polite and fair. A lot of people thought they fucked any ass they could find, but that wasn't true about most gays. A lot of them had long-lasting relationships; some European countries even allow them to marry - why not? "I think that gay men would be good fathers, by the way," I said now but the effect was dreadful! David started gushing like a waterfall. There stood a little boy in my kitchen, his hands over his eyes, crying. What the heck had I said wrong? I couldn't leave him alone at that moment, so without thinking much about it I stood up and took him in my arms, trying to reassure him. Then I realized it: he thought that I was angry about him! He figured he would get the boot now! But I wasn't mad and told him so. But beyond the veil of tears he could tell that wasn't the real problem either. And then he said something that left me thunderstruck. His mother had died two years ago, shortly before that she had said something similar to what I had just said! Without meaning to I had said something that reminded him of his mother. Oh, David, I'm so sorry, please forgive me. I also was on the verge of tears now, all I could do was to hold this boy tightly in my arms and fight the water filling my eyes. We stood for long time in the kitchen until his tears dried. I decided not to persist asking him about this, all the questions running through my head would hurt him more. It was best to change the subject! Wasn't David here to mow the grass and earn some money? We went to the shed and opened the door. When David saw my lawn mower he beamed with pleasure. "Can I mow with this machine?" he asked keenly. All crying was forgotten. "Yes, of course, David, but you have to be careful!" My 'lawn mower' was a nice peace of equipment, the most modern riding mower there was, a 'Wolf', fire-engine red and looking like a little motor-bike. David was radiant! We pushed the Wolf out of the shed and I explained to him how to operate it, how to start and stop the engine, how to start the mower, always being cautious and so on. Finally I gave him ear and eye protectors and we started the motor by pushing the 'start'-button. No dragging at a cord of course. The motor was quite loud, so I showed him with gestures where he should start to mow. David pushed the gas pedal too strongly and the Wolf leapt forward. I could hear David laughing as my stomach sank. That little shithead! "Be cautious!" I yelled, but between the noise and his earplugs he couldn't hear me. He pushed the gas pedal again, this time more carefully and the Wolf started moving slowly. That was correct and I gave David my thumbs-up. He had some trouble driving straight but this wasn't so important. I always hated the gardens that looked like some kind of an exhibition. I didn't care about wildflowers or herbs in my one and I was pleased about every molehill. I always felt a little bit sorry and guilty mowing it down but I had to otherwise it would go right on up to the first floor! Now David had his first basket full of clippings because the mower had stopped automatically. David looked astonished but then he understood. He stopped and removed the basket. He carried it in my direction. "Not to me, David, I'm not a horse!", I said. "Huh?" David asked; he couldn't hear me. I tipped on my ear to remove his protection. "Behind the house is the manure heap, there you can leave the grass." He nodded and set off. "Oh, and David?!" He turned around. "Next time I would drive with the mower to the heap, you don't have to drag it!" He raised his eyebrows and nodded again. "Can you manage all that?" I asked. "No problem!" he said and smiled. Smiled again. Good boy! I winked at him, smiling myself, and went into the house. I needed to be alone for an hour. Chapter 3 A kiss with consequences [Jack's point of view] I couldn't help myself, I had to find out more about David. But how could I ask and don't hurt him at the same time? He looked neglected with his long untidy hairs and his T-shirt full of wholes. And he has had no breakfast this morning, otherwise he wouldn't be so glad about a simple plate of muesli! If I'd pay a visit to his house, maybe have a talk with his father? David don't had to know it, I could wait for a morning when he's in school. But I even didn't know his surname, how could I find out his address? I didn't want to spy behind him. Last chance would be the local supermarket and all the gossips in there! I imagined the butcher and his loose tongue, I imagined asking him: "Do you know the family of this good looking boy called David? His mother died two years ago..." The only thought of the curious questions of him made me puke! But then I thought that I simply can ask David for his surname and have a look into the telephone book. I looked through the window and saw him mowing my garden. He seemed to be very concentrated to make everything correctly. I wondered if he had any brothers or sisters. Perhaps his father wasn't able to manage the family? I knew that a lot of people were without work in the village, lots of them lived on welfare. I had to find out. And suddenly I got aware that I really fell in love with David. I was worried about his well-being, I felt well in his company and he was a very handsome boy. But more than this I felt the needles in my heart as I saw him outside working in my garden. Now he turned around with the mower, saw me through the window, smiled and waved to me. I smiled and waved back. An hour later the duty was done for David and he came in the house. "I'm ready! What do you think?" he asked breathless. I pretend to be very strict and said "OK, let's have a look!" I put my hand on his shoulder and went to the frontyard he had finished. It looked fantastic. He even got the curves around the trees! "My garden never looked so perfectly, David!" I said honestly and his smile about this compliment burned deep into my heart. "You really deserve the money I promised! What did I say, five or ten Dollar?" "Twenty!", he yelled but then he saw that I made fun of him. "You'll get it, but look at yourself. You're dirty like a miner! Off with you under the shower, while I clean the mower!" I really thought nothing of it, it goes without saying for me that you must have a shower after work. David went into the house and briefly I heard the shower from the guest bathroom. I cleaned the mower carefully with the steam jet, refilled gas and oil and drove it into the shed again. Then I went into the house. The shock of my life was waiting there. [David's point of view] Cool, a mower to sit on it! And Jack allowed me to use it on my own! He wasn't afraid that I would break something, he showed me how to manage the machine and where I had to mow, then he left me. I wish all my friends would see me now sitting on this red mower, earning money. They would be green with envy! It was fun, I drove slowly through his garden, made circles around the trees and sometimes I had to empty the basket with the grass. When I had to do this I turned off the mower and I drove with double speed to the heap! It was warm under the protection for the ears but I thought it would be better if I left them on my head. Jack is so nice, he really took care of me. Once again I thought how wonderful it must be to live here in his house, to be his son. Then I thought of my real Dad and felt ashamed. He was really unlucky, he had lost his job, we've lost Mom and he had a hard time to keep Mike and me. Poor Dad! Even if he beats me from time to time, he was my Dad. I saw Jack through the window and waved. He smiled and waved back. He wouldn't beat me! After an hour I was ready and told Jack. I was really proud of my work, I think I did fine! I was right, Jack said that his garden has never looked so perfectly and I blushed of the compliment. Then he asked me if I get five or ten Dollar. But he had said twenty! Then I saw that he was kidding. He would give me the twenty! Jack ordered me to go under the shower. Hmm, I didn't see the necessity but I obeyed. I looked for the bathroom and found it on the left side opposite if the kitchen. I took of my shorts and T-shirt, hopped into the tub and started the shower. I could see Jack outside cleaning the Wolf with a steam jet cleaner. Jack has everything you need! I found some liquid soap and used it, also for my hair. The shower was hot and it poured like a water fall, not drop by drop as in our bathroom. I was ready, the room was full of steam and I opened the window. Jack was still cleaning the mower. I didn't want to put on my shorts again, they were really very dirty and sweaty, so I only took one of the huge bathtowels, put it around my shoulders and went into the kitchen. I found the rest of the muesli, sat down and ate it. Jack came in. "David, do you need some shor..." he started but when he saw me sitting nude in his kitchen he got big eyes and stopped talking. What was the matter? It was summer, at home my brother and me were always nude, playing outside in the garden. But Jack stood there with an open mouth, unable to say a word. Was he sick? Then he closed his eyes and mumbled something like: "Oh, David..." I was a little bit frightened. "What's the matter?" I asked. Did he need a doctor? And suddenly he came to the table and kissed me. On the mouth. I was surprised, I was never kissed yet, Mom had kissed us a lot, but always on the cheeks, never on the lips. I saw men and women kissing in TV, it was so boring! I pulled my head back and looked into his face. He smiled and he looked friendly, so I smiled, too. His kiss has felt nice, I wanted to feel it again, so I kissed him. Suddenly he opened his mouth and I could feel his tongue on my lips! I don't know why, but I opened my mouth, too. He stretched his tongue into my mouth and our tongues touched. That happens if the courting couples kiss each other in the movies! And it wasn't boring, it felt good! But we weren't a courting couple! I held my breath all the time, now I had to breath and released. Suddenly I got aware that my dick was stiff, I don't know why. It had simply happened when we had kissed us and Jack and my tongue had touched. Now I felt pained, I blushed and tried to cover my stiffy dick with the towel, but Jack had already seen. He smiled friendly. "Don't worry, David!" he said quietly. "This simply happens to men if we feel really good. You're still a boy but you become also a man." He has laid his hand on my thigh, his hand was warm and it felt nice, but I was scared and stood up. "Why ... but ... ", I stammered, still blushed. "Come on, David, don't think too much, I gave you a kiss, that's all. Did you like it?" "Yes, but, you mustn't kiss me Jack, men don't kiss boys!" I didn't know what to say. "Sometimes they do, if they really like a boy, for example. If they want to express their feelings they have for a special boy." "And you like me, Jack? Why?" I was confused. "Yes, I like you, David. I like you very much. I can't answer you why I like you, it simply happened to me." He knelt down and took my head in his hands. "I'm very lucky that I've met you, David." Then he gave me a quick kiss on the lips again. I was so confused! A man who liked me! But I was a boy, not a girl! But I did also like Jack. It had felt so nice when he had kissed me. Jack had said that he isn't gay. Maybe I am gay? I looked to the floor. I wanted to go and I wanted to kiss him at the same time. "Are you angry about me, David?" he asked now. Angry about him? Why should I be? I shook my head. I thought it wasn't correct that a man kisses a boy in this way he did, but why had it felt so nice? I wanted to do it again. I felt scared and I wanted to hug him! "I must go now," I said. "David, if I've hurt your feelings please excuse me." Hurt my feelings? But he hasn't hurt me, he had kissed me. I didn't understand again. I had to go and think about it on my own. "You haven't hurt me, Jack. I'm so confused. I must go now." He took a deep breath. "It wouldn't be a good idea to go nude out of my house, David," he said amused. "I'd like to give you a shorts and a T-shirt." I looked down my body. My dick was small and hang down again. The idea of running nude through the streets made me grin and I blushed again. Jack put my shoulders in his hands, turned me around and pushed me softly out of the kitchen. "Over there!" he shouted and gave me a spank on my bum. I yelled in surprise and ran to the door. I opened the door and entered the room. Through another door I could see a white king size bed. In the room we were now was nothing except of a chair and a long row of built-in wardrobes. He opened the door on the right, I could see stacks of underwear. He looked through, pulled one out and said: "This one should fit. Try it!" I put the shorts on, it was a too big, it would glide down by running. Jack rubbed his nose and said: "OK, you'll get a belt, too!" The belt was much too long, even the last whole let a hand breadth through. Jack laughed, took the belt, disappeared and came back after a minute with a punch pliers. Meanwhile I felt the fabric in my fingers. It was white and shiny, it felt fantastic on my bare skin. Jack tied the belt around my hip, took the measurement and punched a new whole in it. "That'll work!" he said. I tied the belt around my hip while Jack took another look into the wardrobe and gave me a black T-shirt with a crocodile on it. [Folks, I wouldn't dream to make advertisement for some companies here! :-) ]. Also the T-shirt was too big, but I didn't mind, it looked cool! "Thank you, Jack! You'll get it back tomorrow!" "There's no hurry!" he replied. "Keep it as long you need it, David." He looked at me with his odd glance and said: "You're a handsome boy, David, after all the dirt is washed off!" I looked to the floor again, but secretly I was pleased about the compliment. Would he kiss me now again? I didn't want it and I longed for it. It was so confusing! Jack breathed deeply. "Well, David, you did a good job today and here's the money you've earned." He took out his purse and leafed through until he found a 20 Dollar note. God, this man was rich! "How much is the bicycle you want to have?" "790." I said. "And how much is missing?" "Now it's ... 345!" "Wow, you're a rich boy, David. What do you think when you can afford it?" "Well ..." If I would get some other jobs at Jack with such a nice fee it wouldn't take a year as I thought. Maybe only half a year! "Can I get a job again in your garden?" I asked instead of an answer. Jack laughed. "Of course you can! I have lots of works here to do, it begins in the garden and it ends at the horses! Hummmm...." he made and rubbed his nose again. "What do you think, David, do you like to come every day for an hour or two in the evening to help me? I'll pay you ... a hundred each week." My mouth fell down. A hundred each week? Never in life I thought to earn such a lot of money! Easy work and being around a man who likes me! And I would see him every day now! I was the luckiest boy on earth! I said "Yes!" [Jack's point of view] I found David sitting nude in my kitchen! A gorgeous boy I already fell in love with was sitting in my kitchen with widespread legs that I could see his little dick, only a towel around his shoulders. He was incredible cute, slender, no hair on his whole body except of his wheat blond hair on the head. What happened here? I was near to faint! I think my mouth was open, while David looked at me, first amused, then scared. I had to close my eyes and find some hold behind me. My thoughts were a whirl of running away and of taking this nude boy and throw him on my bed doing something unimaginable. Something is missed in my memory, the next thing I remember was that I held David's head in my hand and kissed him on the lips. He pulled his head back and looked at me totally astonished, his eyes were wide open but I couldn't see any fear in it. Then he closed his eyes and kissed me! I couldn't help it, I opened my mouth and touched his lips with my tongue and he opened his mouth too. Very slowly I put my tongue in his mouth until they touched. I'm sure that David never has had a French kiss yet, I remember my first one (with a girl, by the way), and I knew how upset and lucky I had been. David had still his eyes closed, but he relished our long wet kiss indeed! So did I, his mouth tasted of milk, it was the innocent taste of a boy. I thought it was his first kiss, he did well but he didn't know that he can kiss and breath at the same time! He gasp for breath, looked down and blushed suddenly. He had a stiffy! He was sexually aroused by our kiss! I could understand quite well, because I was too. His penis stood proudly upright, touched almost the hairless skin under the navel and rocked gently in the rhythm of his heart. I wanted to take this 12 year old penis in my mouth, suck at it for the next hundred years, make David feel better than everything he knew so far, but I didn't want to scare him, too. This 'attack' that I kissed him so frankly was more than he could bear for the moment. I hold me back, but I really had a hard time. I could already see that he felt embarrassed and tried to reassure him. "Don't worry, David!" I said quietly. "This simply happens to men if we feel really good. You're still a boy but you become also a man." I laid my hand on his thigh and if he had kissed me again in this moment I really would have taken his dick in my hands to caress it, maybe with fatal consequences. But he didn't, David was scared and stammered something that men don't kiss boys. Well, I think he was right, normally. How could I explain him that I am a boylover, that boys are much more important in my life than women? That I never feel so much sexually attracted by women than by boys? That I longed my whole life to have a boy-friend like him? That I fell in love with him? I tried to explain and not to frighten him at the same time. I knew that only the truth would help me here, but not the full truth - yet. "Sometimes they do," I said, "if they really like a boy, for example. If they want to express their feelings they have for a special boy." "And you like me, Jack? Why?" he asked, quiet, dismayed. How could I explain this? How would you explain to another man, woman, boy or girl that you love him? I couldn't! "Yes, I like you, David. I like you very much. I can't answer you why I like you, it simply happened to me." I took his head in my hands, very soft, very gentle. "I'm very lucky that I've met you, David." And to settle the tension I gave him a quick kiss on the lips again. That was wrong, he twitched back. I think I went too far. God, I had to prevent that he was angry about me and that I maybe wouldn't see him ever again! "Are you angry about me, David?" I asked. He shook his head much to my relief. He looked so confused. Oh David, how could I help you? "I must go now," he said silent. OK, he wasn't angry about me but I assaulted him like a wolf a lamb when I kissed him! What had I done? "David, if I've hurt your feelings please excuse me." "You haven't hurt me, Jack," he replied, "I'm so confused. I must go now." Best would be not to hold him back. "It wouldn't be a good idea to go nude out of my house, David," I thought about the sight of a confused nude 12 year old boy running out of my house. It was both exciting as also upsetting! Well, his old clothes were dirt and showed more wholes than fabric, best would be the trash for it! Meanwhile he could get some clothes of mine, they would be much too large, but I couldn't buy some, it was Sunday! So I turned him around to push him in direction of my wardrobes. Now I saw for the first time is well formed buttocks, round and firm, almost as tanned as his whole body. God, this kid was cute! I couldn't help me and gave him a smack on his bum, he screamed and laughed at the same time. He opened the door and entered the room. Curiously he looked around, saw my large bed and was amazed. God heavens, here was a incredible handsome young boy, nude, near to my bedroom! The piece of meat between my legs became awake again about the idea to push him onto the bed and lick all over his private parts. I tried not to show my feelings and glanced through the underwear while my hands shivered. Finally I pulled out one and gave him. As I thought, it was too big but a belt would make it for the moment. Damn it, David was so slender, also the belt was too long. So I went for a punch and slowly we got it. Finally I gave him a black T-shirt. He looked nice in this large clothes, sloppy but nice. David said thank you and that I would get the clothes back the other day. Well, this boy was so likeable, I wanted to see him every day! How could I manage that? I would bribe him! Not the fine art, I have to admit, but the easiest one. Should I say that I want to see him every day because I love him? He wouldn't come again any more! So I offered a hundred each week for an hour or two duty every day. As I thought David was keen about it! His bicycle was near at hand now! He said yes and my heart was wide. Almost I had forgotten to ask for his surname. "Peterson," he said, "David Peterson." Well, that's a common name here so I took the risk to ask for his telephone number, too, in case that I had to call him. He told me and I had made the next step. Great! I gave him the promised twenty bucks and sent him home. We arranged that he would come each day at seven o'clock in the evening. Wow! I couldn't believe it! Once each day I would be the luckiest man on earth. I wanted to share this luck with my friends in the Internet, all of them were nice guys and real friends who had helped me a lot in the last years. Some of them were boylover as me, some of them were not but accepted the fact that I am one. They would burst of envy I thought smiling when I sat at the computer in the library to write some letters. Chapter 4 A boy in a hospital [Jack's point of view] Next day was Monday, I drove early to the house of David. I had no trouble to find the address in the telephone book with the matching number. Oscar Wild Alley - not the best area of our little town, Number 8 ... 10 ... 12, OK, that's it! A small red house as like as 20 other ones up and down the street, built by the welfare program, room enough for a family with two kids if they're not very demanding. I thought of my big house and me living alone in it and felt ashamed. The house looked quite shabby, the garden was full of rubbish, behind the garbage cans I saw a lot of boxes with empty liquor bottles, the curtains behind the dirty windows were full of wholes. It was 8 o'clock, I thought that David had left the house already to go to school. I didn't find a bell so I knocked at the door. No reaction. I knocked louder, still nothing. Perhaps his father wasn't at home, maybe he had an early job? I went around the house to look through the terrace door. Everything was dirty and shabby. The door wasn't closed, my hand went through a wooden pearl curtain and I put my nose into the living room. There was a man! He lied on the sofa and snored, around him on the table and on the floor were several empty bottles beer and liquor, a large ashtray with dozens of butts. The room stank sour of cold smoke and alcohol. I turned up my nose, this was the father of David, an alcoholic who didn't care a bit for his son! I was in mood to shake this man and to put him under a ice-cold shower. But what should I tell him, that I fell in love with his son? I had seen enough, I would ask David if he wants to live in my house! I was able to feed and take care for this boy, before his father would have drank himself to death. I turned around to go when I suddenly heard a weak voice: "Who are you, Mister?" There behind the sofa was a little boy and peered at me! "Hi!", I said, "I'm Jack Martin. I was looking for your father. And who are you?" "I'm Mike, I'm ill." "What's the matter, Mike?" "I have so much stomach-ache." Stomach-ache? When did this little boy eat for the last time? Of course his father hasn't cooked for them! This drunken bastard! "You are the brother from David, aren't you?" The little boy nodded. Suddenly he became pale as the wall and broke down. With one leap I was at him and lift him up. "Mike!" I shouted, "what's the matter?" The boy was light as a feather. He had closed his eyes but he still breathed. "urrr errmmmmm ..." mumbled somebody, Mr Peterson woke up out of his drunkenness! "Mr. Peterson, your son is sick! Come on, help me!" "Whaa ... who are you guy?" he said with a husky voice. "That's not important in the moment, I came to your house to look for David and found your other son Mike. He broke down!" "Don't care about that ... he does every morning." He had closed his eyes again. "Who are you?" "My name is Jack Martin and now I will take your son to the hospital if you don't care about him!" "Do what you want. Hey, can you give me twenty bucks for breakfast?" This son of a bitch! I wanted to give him a right answer but the boy on my arms started to moan in ache. I ran to my car, and laid Mike carefully on the backseat. Like a flash I drove to the next town into hospital. "Unconscious boy!" I yelled to the doorman. "Emergency door, straight on." "Call a doctor!" I shouted and stepped on the gas. I stopped the car in front of the emergency door, took Mike from the backseat, he was still without conscious and carried him through the doors. A man in white clothes came towards me. "Over there!", he said and pointed at a stretcher, "What's the matter?" I looked at his plastic card - Dr. Flachsman, a doctor. A serious looking man in the end of the forties, half pair of glasses, short hair that became grey. "Doctor, I found this boy in the house of his father. His name is Mike Peterson. He lamented about stomach ache and suddenly he broke down. His father ... couldn't come on his own. I thought it's better to bring him in here." Meanwhile Dr. Flachsman had pulled the shirt up to the nipples of this little boy and pressed on several points of the stomach. Suddenly Mike winced and cried loudly. The doctor went to the next telephone at a desk and dialled a number. "Emergency operation, I need OP three," he said, "acute appendicitis. No, now!" He hang up and turned around to me: "What kind of relationship do you have to the Peterson family?" "I am ... a friend of the family. My name is Jack Martin." I replied. "OK, Mr. Martin. You wait here and fill out the forms!" Then he hurried with a nurse and Mike on the stretcher to a lift. A nurse at the desk looked at me furiously - why's every nurse mad about her patients? - and gave me a printed form. I sighed, took a ball pen and started to fill it out. Name, surname, address, telephone ... OK, I knew, but then: formerly illnesses, operations, illnesses in the family, allergic reactions ... Damn it, how could I know this? I made questionmarks. Contact... I decided to write down my name and telephone number, private and of the office. I gave the form back to a nurse and she took it without a smile. Now I had to wait. Mike, poor boy! Appendicitis! His father had said that he breaks down every morning. God, possibly this kid has died if I wouldn't been in the house! I called the office and told my secretary that I couldn't come to the company this morning. If necessary they can call me on handy. I didn't explain where I was, it would be too difficult to tell in short words. An hour later Dr. Flachsman came back. He made a serious face. "Can I talk to you, Mr. Martin?" he asked. "What about Mike, is he okay?" "Yes, he got over the operation well. But an hour later and he would have been dead! The appendicitis was went so far that his colon was inflamed, too. It was really high time. And now again, Mr. Martin, what's your role in this play?" "As I told you, doctor, I'm a friend of the family. I happened to come into the house." "Don't tell me lies, I asked Mike if he knows you and he told me that he has seen you for the first time this morning. Would you tell me the truth now?" Damn it, what should I say? Then I thought the truth would be best. Dr. Flachsman had a deep voice and he was used to speak loudly - and that the people around him do immediately what he commanded. Well, me too if I had to! So I told him firmly: "You're right, Dr. Flachsman, Mike saw me for the first time this morning. His brother David was in my garden to mow the grass yesterday. David made a sloppy impression and was very hungry, so I thought it would be a nice idea to pay a visit for his father. His mother died two years ago." "Yes, I know the Peterson family. It seems that the father isn't able to deal with his two kids. And there aren't any relatives, too. We recommended him to give them into a hostel but he refused. Now, Mr Martin, we will take him the kids, with force if necessary. Mike shows first sights of malnutrition, he's too small and too light for his age. And where's Mr. Peterson? Haven't you told him that you bring Mike into hospital?" "Yes, I did. But Mr. Peterson wasn't in the situation to come with us ..." "Was he drunken again?" "Yes." "I know that he was in danger to become an alcoholic. Well, one reason more!" Without thinking about I made a decision. "Dr. Flachsman, I have a large house, I can take the boys. I'm not married but I'm able to take a nanny. They would have a safe home and enough to eat." And a loving father again, I thought. "Why do you want to do this? Are you a philanthropist?" I smiled. "Yes, I am." I said simply. "Well, I don't have to make this decision, but if, I would say yes. For the next time this would be a good solution. We will treat their father for his alcoholism, not here, somewhere in the south of the country. This will take at least three months. I think you can get them for this time, but I have to discuss this with the youth welfare department. I will recommend them." "I would be glad, Doctor. Now I will wait for David at his home and we will come back this afternoon to visit Mike. Is this OK?" For the first time this morning Dr. Flachsman smiled. "Yes," he said, "come with his brother. This will cheer him up a little bit. Oh, and bring some toys or picture books. Mike has to stay here for a week, if his wound heals up correctly. Meanwhile we will stuff him with chocolate that this poor boy gets some weight!" [David's point of view] School was boring today, except of the faces Mark and Joe made when I told them that I will earn a hundred each week now. "You're lying!" were their first words. "I don't!" "Who pays you a hundred a week?" "Mr. Martin from the `Berkeley farm'!" I was right, they were green of envy! Served them right! "What do you have to do all the time?" "I don't know. Yesterday I mowed the grass with a 'Wolf'!" Their mouths were open. "Cool!" - "You don't say!" - "Can we come too to mow the garden?" "Maybe ...", I said. This was the first time that they asked me for permission to do something. Until now I had to ask them if they'd take me with them through the village. Oh, to be rich was something wonderful! I arrived at home and first what I saw was a Porsche and Jack sitting in there before our house. What has happened? I started to run and Jack opened the door of the car. "Hi David!", he said, but he had also a serious look in the face. What happened? Did I something wrong yesterday? "What's the matter?" "David, your brother Mike is in hospital. He had to undergo an operation. Appendicitis. Now he's OK again." Mike in hospital? But when I left him he had only some stomach ache as like every day the last week! Appendicitis? Never heard! "Where's Dad?" "I don't know where your father is, he isn't at home. Let us pay a visit to your brother. Can you please fetch some clothes and toys for Mike?" I ran into the house and the stairs up in our room. I took a bag and put hastily some shorts and shirts, his stuffed lion "Brian" and some Mickey Mouse into it. Then I ran down and looked into the living room. Nobody there. Damn it, where's Dad? Was he in the hospital? This was the first time for me to drive in a Porsche. Jack drove slowly, we were on country roads. And meanwhile he told me what happened. He was looking for me? Why? I was still confused about his kiss yesterday, but I wasn't angry as he thought. Ten minutes later we arrived. I was once in hospital, too. I was six years old when I got my fingers caught in the door, they were really blue and it hurt a lot. In the hospital was a nice doctor, he said that I was really brave and gave me some chocolate. Now I saw the same doctor again. "Dr. Chocolate!" I shouted and smiled. Jack looked astonished at me and the doctor. As he saw Jack's questioning face he said laughing: "All the kids call me Dr. Chocolate, because they know beastly precise that they always get a bar of chocolate from me. Now David, what about your fingers?" "They are okay again. Can I go now to my brother?" "Of course. It's room 222 in the second floor." I dashed off, ran two floors upstairs and opened the door to room number 222. First I only could see six beds in the room. In all of them were kids. One of them had a broken leg, another one both arms, the next a bandaged head. God, here had happened a bus accident! In the last bed was Mike, a bottle with some liquid stood beside his bed and a tube went from it into his arm. "Hi Mike!", I said, "are you okay?" He opened his eyes and smiled. "Hi, David! I was operated!" "Yes, I know! Nothing serious, only an accendipitis. That's when they cut off the peckers of little boys!" I treated him. He was frightened and really, he put his hand under the shirt to feel if it was still at his place! Finally he found what he was looking for. "Silly ass!" he said grinning. "Yourself a silly ass!" I replied. He was still cheeky, then it really couldn't be something serious! "Let me see your wound!" I begged. He pulled the quilt down and showed me proudly the bandage on his belly. I touched it and Mike cried out in pain. Shit, in this moment Dr. Chocolate entered the room. "Don't treat your brother, David, he's really ill and has to stay here for a couple of days." "I don't, Dr. Chocolate. What's 'accendipitis'?" He laughed. "It's not called 'accendipitis' but 'appendicitis'. That is if a part of your bowel becomes inflamed. First you get very bad stomach-ache, then you become weak and ill. We have to take it out as soon at possible. In old days the kids died of this illness!" "Oh, that's why Mike has had stomach-ache since a week. I thought he wouldn't eat enough and gave him my breakfast, too!" Dr. Flachsman looked at me for a while, then he said absent minded: "That was very nice of you, David. And now, we will leave your brother on his own. He needs some sleep. Do you bring him some toys along?" "Sure, here's the stuff!" I said and pulled his lion out if the bag. "Oh, that's Brian. Give me!" Mike said tired and put the lion under his right arm. Then he fell asleep. "David, please come with me. I would like to have a look on you, if you don't mind!" "But I'm not ill, Dr. Chocolate!" Shucks! Definitely he would give me shot! "I know, David, and I want that you keep healthy, OK? It takes only some minutes, come on!" We went through the corridor, a stairs down into his room. It was bright and a lot of pics painted from the children in the hospital were on the wall. Dr. Chocolate closed the door behind him. "OK, David, shirt and shorts down!" he commanded. What should I do? I put out Jack's clothes and stood nude in front of Dr. Chocolate. The look in his eyes was completely different than Jack's yesterday. Jack has had devoured me with his eyes, Dr. Chocolate looked like a profi, he saw so many nude kids every day. He touched all over my body. Now he felt my belly and my balls, I had to cough. Then I had to breath deeply in and out and the doctor put the silver thing with the funny tubes in the ear on my chest. I had to keep the breath. I was able to do for several minutes! Then he knocked at my back, looked into my mouth and ears with a flashlight. I had to read some numbers at the wall, I had to close my eyes and to touch my nose with the little finger, first right, then left. Finally he measured my height and weight, he put a ring of rubber around my upper arm, pumped it up and read something from a scale. Then he wrote it all down on a file card. Phew, ready! No shot yet! "OK, David, you can put your short on again." I did, and because the short from Jack was much too big I had to fasten the belt strongly. "This short is much too big, is it from your father?" he asked still writing. "No," I replied, "it's from Jack, I mean, Mr. Martin. He gave me yesterday when I came out of his shower." "So, so ..." the doctor said only. Should I tell him that he had kissed me? "David, what do you think if you and Mike would live in the house of Mr. Martin for a while? Would you like that?" Live in the house of Jack? Why? "But we have our own house!" I said. "I know, but I like to send your father in a hospital. He's ill, you know. He drinks too much alcohol and this is not good for him and it's not good for you two. Now we have to find a home for you and your brother for short time. I can bring you in a hostel but I would prefer a private lodging. What do you think?" I thought about the prospect to live with Jack in his house, it must be wonderful! I was a little bit afraid that he would kiss me again. "If Mike comes with me, I say yes!" Then I wouldn't be so alone! "Mike has to stay here for a couple of days. I have to speak with your father. Is he at home?" "When we left he wasn't." "Do you know where he is?" "Normally he meets his friends at the supermarket at noon." "OK, that's all, you can go now, David." I stood there and made no sign to leave. "Anything else? Oh, I know!", he said laughing and opened a drawer of his desk and gave me bar of chocolate. "Actually only boys who got a shot get some chocolate. What do you think, David?" One second later I was out of the room, I heard the doctor laughing behind me. Jack stood outside in the corridor. "Hi!" I said. "Hi! Is everything OK with you?" "I think so, the doctor hasn't said anything." "OK, wait a minute here." Then he knocked at the door of the doctor, entered the room and closed the door behind him. I went through the corridor and looked at the pics on the wall. First on the left side, then on the right. Jack was still at the doctor. I did again. A nurse opened a door and I could see old women in the room. One of them laid nude on the bed and was washed by another nurse. The woman saw me outside and said to the other: "I have a new admirer! Come in, boy!" The other women laughed when they saw me and I ran away. [Jack's point of view] "What about David, doctor? Is he OK?" "Same as with Mike, he's too light for his age. He comes into puberty now and his body shows also some sights of malnutrition. Unbelievable in these days! I would like to talk with his father!" "Me, too. I've waited in front of David's house until he came from school. But he didn't turn up." "Yes, David told me that he meets his friends at the supermarket. Could you take the trouble to find him? I have two alternatives for him: either he makes a therapy for his alcoholism and we will leave him his kids or he doesn't and we will take them away to put them into a hostel. The therapy will take at least three months but I have some doubts if it will be successful. If Mr. Peterson doesn't want to make it it's no use!" "All right, I'll give my best to find him." "Meanwhile I've talked with the youth welfare department. The hostels are overcrowded in the moment. So there's no obstacle that you get the kids until the father comes back. But you must be aware of the fact that once a week an employee of the department will look for the health of the boys. Is this okay for you?" "It's okay for me but I can't see the sense. I want to care for and not sell them!" "Mr. Martin, the world is full of nasty guys who want to make dirty films with minor children. I don't know you and I don't know yet if I can trust you. On the face of it you seem to be a nice man who really wants to take care of them, but you can't tell me why. I can't look in your mind but I think there's something more than bare philanthropy." "Could you please explain the part with the 'nasty guys' and 'dirty films' again?" I asked angry. "Mr. Martin, I don't meant you personally. You are an intelligent man. Have you never heard of sexual abuse of little boys and girls?" "Yes, and?" "I want the boys go well. Mike was and is very ill, he nearly died. David has first symptoms of manic depressions, their mother died two years ago, the father is an alcoholic with minor chances to be cured. Now a man turns up who wants to take care for them. He isn't married, drives two cars, has a big house and is new here. What would you think in my position?" "I would think that you should ask me for my profession. I would think that you should ask the police or wherever if there's any file about me." "Yes, I did, Mr. Martin. Do you think I make it so easy to adopt two boys?" "So I think there's no reason to be distrustful any more!" "From official side no. But I've seen your look at David today. There was something more than sympathy for him in your eyes." "You're right, Dr. Flachsman, and I want to be honest with you. I love this kid! I would do everything for him, I never could do any harm to him, I would give up a lot of things if I can be his father!" The words of Dr. Flachsman had made me very angry, this confess was the result of the anger. He looked at me for long time. Our discussion became quite loud in the last few minutes, now it was very quiet in the room. The chirping of the birds outside came to our ears. The doctor knocked with a pencil on his desk. "Sorry, Mr. Martin, I had to ask this questions and I had to insist. You've dispelled my doubts. The kids would deserve a father like you." I relaxed. "If everything goes well with the convalescence of Mike he can leave the hospital on Monday next week, perhaps already Friday this week. You should take some efforts to find Mr. Peterson. He's the first man who has to allow the stay of David in your house. If he gives his okay there are no problems any more. If he has kept something of his former cleverness he will give his permission. As soon as you find him send him to me, please. This is my telephone number of my office, this the private one. You can call me day and night." "I think that you love this children, too, Dr. Flachsman." "I am a doctor, Mr. Martin. It is my job to love my patients. But I have to distribute my love to a lot of people. This is difficult and unsatisfactory. I wish there would be more men like you in the world, I would sleep better." We stood up and I took the reached out hand of the doctor. "Thank you, Dr. Flachsman. I won't disappoint you." I gave him my cards. "These are my telephone numbers. And you can call me also day and night." The doctor smiled and we shook our hands. David was waiting outside. I smiled at him and laid my hand on his shoulder. I saw his asking look and said: "Everything's okay with Mike and you, David. Has Dr. Flachsman already talked with you?" "If I would like to live in your house, Jack? Yes, he did." "And what do you think?" We went to the exit. "Why do you want to do this for us? You don't know us and I ... and I don't know ... if you ..." David didn't know how to say. But I already understand what he wanted to say! "Don't be scared, David. You know that I never would do any harm to you or your brother. I like you very much and I would like it if you two are my sons for a while. Dr. Flachsman says it's OK from his side. But much more important is if you agree, and your father of course!" "Would I have my own room?" "Yes, of course, David. And your brother, too. Or do you want to sleep with him in one room?" "We both would have our own rooms? Wow! And can I bring all my toys and stuff?" "Yes, of course!" I said laughing. It must be wonderful to have two minor boys in my house. I wanted to have a son on my own since years. And now it seems that I would get two of them! "We will fetch all your toys and clothes and whatever now." I stopped and laid my hand on David's head. I took a deep breath. "David, I love you. And I want that you and Mike live in my house." I looked into his eyes and suddenly they started to sparkle of joy. David smiled at me and then he gave me big hug. So did I. "I love you, too, Jack." he said very quiet, so quiet that I even could hear him. "Do you know where we can find your father?" "Normally he's at the supermarket in our village. There he meets his friends every day to drink beer." So we drove to the market to look for David's father. When I stopped the car on the parking lot I could see some nasty guys loitering around, half drunken of a half palette of beer in cans. Also a bottle of grain spirit stood on a table. "You stay here in the car, David!" I commanded. I got off the car and went to the blokes. "Has anybody seen Mr. Peterson today?" I asked them quite disgusted. "Who does the guy wants to see?" one of them asked with husky voice. "He means Peter. No, we haven't! If you see him tell him that we still get some money from him. He should bring his ass here at once!" "I will, and if you see him today you will give him my telephone number and tell him that his son Mike is in hospital if he's interested in! And these are ten bucks that you don't forget it!" I slammed a ten Dollar note and my card down on the table. One of them took the money and the card, pinched his eyebrows and read. "OK, Mr. Martin, SIR!" he said ironical. Damned alcoholics! Are on welfare and spend it on booze! "What's the matter?" David asked when I was back in the car. I must have looked quite angry. "Your father wasn't here yet, David. Actually we need his permission that you may live in my house. What shall we do now? Do you think it's okay if we fetch your stuff at once?" "Yes, I think so. We can leave a massage." We drove back to my house to change the cars. "We need a bigger car to transport all the stuff.", I explained. "Do you have suitcase and boxes at home?" "Yes, we have and I haven't much clothes. Dad didn't spend much money for it. Mike has to take my old clothes." Money enough for liquor and beer, I thought! But not enough to feed and dress the own kids. We arrived at David's house again. His father still wasn't at home. For the first time I went with David through the rooms and I was shocked about the rubbish, the filth and the stench everywhere. "David, are you living in this bear cave since two years?" He was embarrassed. "We had a cleaning lady earlier, but then father lost his job and couldn't pay her any more. I tried my best to keep it clean but I had school and the paper job of my father. Each Sunday I had to deliver more than 50 papers!" "I don't blame you, David. It would have been the job of your father to keep the house clean and tidy, with your help, okay, but you're a boy and must do your homework and play sometimes. OK, where's your room?" "Upstairs!" It was a cramped room with two beds and a desk in it. Posters and drawings at the walls, toys all over the floor. "You pack all your own and Mike's toys in a box and I put your clothes in a suitcase." I opened a wardrobe and saw nothing else than some pairs of socks and T-shirts full of holes. And an old black child suit that looked quite shabby. "What's this?" I asked David. "It's my suit for the boys choir. I'm singing in the Protestant church. I have a solo part this Friday." I smiled at him, this boy was full of surprises. Solo part in the boys choir? Wow! "As I thought, David, that's no worth! We will buy some new clothes for you and Mike this afternoon. Do you want to keep anything of this rags?" David looked at me sadly. "We haven't had a lot of money. Dad spent most of it for beer. And then he got a letter that the welfare becomes less from this week." Suddenly he became pale, was with one leap at his bed and looked behind the head of it. "Ooooh, no!!" he cried out. "What's the matter?" I asked surprised. "All my money! It's all gone!!" "Wait a minute, have you had your money behind the bed?" "Yes, in a cookies box, more than 440 Dollar. Dad must have stolen it and now he spends it all for liquor and beer. No wonder that we can't find him. He lays somewhere in a forest and get sloshed!" David cried now, I took him in my arms. "I'm so sorry, David!" I said. "All my money! I have saved for more than two years for my bicycle. Now can I start again, bullshit! My father is such a ass- ..." "Wait a minute, David. We will get your money back, I promise!" "No chance!", he said crying, "it's already gone in liquor. I don't want to see my father ever again!" I took him at his shoulders and looked into his eyes. "You will get your money back!" I said firmly. David sniffled. "Now, are you ready with your toys? Anything else? Not forgotten Mike's stuff?" "It's all in here. Oh, and this picture of Mom!" "May I have a look?" David gave me a small silver coloured framed picture. I saw a beautiful young lady with long blond hairs - David's hairs! - and gentle eyes. "Your mother was very good-looking, David!" I wrapped the picture carefully in an old T-shirt and put it between the toys. "We have to leave a massage for your father!" David pinched his lips and said nothing. I sat at his desk and asked: "What about your school stuff, exercise books and so on?" "All in my satchel in the car!" "OK, put Mike's stuff in another box!" I looked for a sheet and a pencil, then I wrote: Dear Mr. Peterson, your son Mike is ill in hospital. He had to go under an operation, appendicitis. Now he is quite okay again. Dr. Flachsman likes to talk with you. Because nobody takes care for David in the moment, he is with permission of the youth welfare department in my house, the `Berkeley farm'. Please call me back under telephone number ... Jack Martin I left this note at the door of the fridge, a place where he would look at first if he comes home, I hoped. "OK, David. That's all for the moment. Anything else?" David was already in the front door. He looked back, in my eyes it was a look to say good-bye and not to come back. "No, nothing." Than he turned quickly around and went to the car. He cried and tried to hide it. This was all he took along out of a boy's life, a box of toys and a lot of tears. "We need some clothes for you, David. Let's drive to the city to buy some!" David didn't say a word. He sat sadly beside me in the car. I thought how to cheer him up. "Have you already looked for a bicycle?" I asked. His eyes became bright. "Yes, it's in the store of J.P.Lawrence. It's a blue 'Kettler' and..." suddenly was sad again. "What's up?" I asked dumb. "I will never get it, all my money is gone!" "Wait a minute, things may take a different turn suddenly." He looked at me and I saw some hope in his eyes again. I turned off the radio and dialled the number of Dr. Flachsman. "Hello?" his voice came out of the speaker. "Hello, Dr. Flachsman? This is Jack Martin. David an me were looking for Mr. Peterson, but couldn't find him. We left a message in the kitchen. David thinks that he has taken all his money and buys alcohol now." "Is David with you?" "Yes, he is, in the moment we drive to the city to buy some clothes for him. How's Mike?" "Still fine, he sleeps in the moment. Do you take David to your house today?" "Yes, I planned to do this. Who would care for him? We left a message for his father where he can find him when he comes back. I wrote that David may live in my house with the permission of the youth welfare department." "That's correct. And if Mr. Peterson turns up to make some trouble don't hesitate to call the police. He shall call me immediately." "Thank you, Dr. Flachsman." "No, I have to thank you, Mr. Martin. I'm glad that the boy has somebody to take care of him!" "You're welcome." I hang up and dialled the number of my office next. "Steffy?" My secretary. "Yes, Mr. Martin?" "Steffy, I can't come into office today, I got surprisingly guests, the kids of a friend will stay for some weeks in my house. Now I need urgently a nanny for cooking and such stuff. Do you know somebody?" "Yes, a girl friend of mine looks for a job. She has a daughter and likes to earn some money." "Fantastic, what's her name?" "Her name is Maria, do you want her number?" "Yes, please!" I made a writing gesture to David and he understood at once. He got a pencil and a sheet out of his bag. Steffy told me the telephone number, I repeated it loud and David wrote it down. What a team! "Thanks, Steffy, I call her at once!" "Good luck!" Second call. "What would I do without my handy?" I said to David and smiled. "OK, it seems that we maybe have a nanny for you and Mike." "Why do we need one?" "David, I can't stay all day at home to cook for you, I have to do my job, too! OK, let's try to get this Maria and hope that she'll agree." I dialled the number I got from Steffy and after the fourth ring I heard a female voice. "Hello, Maria Sanchez?" "Hi, Mrs Sanchez, this is Jack Martin. I got your number from my secretary, Steffy Kruger. I need a nanny for two or three hours a day for cooking and washing. Are you interested?" "Where is it?" "It's the `Berkeley farm'." "Yes, I know. What would you pay?" "What would you like?" I asked back and winked at David. "Oh, err, yes, err .... three hours a day ... Sunday, too?" "No, Monday to Saturday." On Sundays we would cook for ourselves, I planed. "Well, this would be 18 hours a week, say ... 10 Dollar an hour?" "That's OK for me, Maria. May I call you Maria?" "Yes, of course, everybody does. When shall I start?" "Tomorrow, if it's possible. What about your daughter? Do you want to take her along?" "Oh, if this is possible, it would be great, I wouldn't have to bother my mother in law with her. She's very nice, 9 years old, her name is Clarissa." "No problem, Maria. I took two boys into care for the next months, that's why I need some help with cooking and washing. Can you come at 10 o'clock tomorrow?" "Yes, that's OK." We said goodbye and I was lucky that everything was so easy! "You see, David, now we have the permission that you can sleep in my house at once and we also have already a nanny. Isn't that great?" David smiled at me. "You do so much for us, Jack!" he said. "Not very much yet, David." I replied. And I love you, I thought. I parked the car in a side street. "First we go to Marco to buy some clothes, next to Eddy for shoes and finally to Mr. Santiago for your new suit. Tell me more about your solo part in the boys choir!" "We will sing Mozart's 'Requiem' on Friday. Black suit and white shirt is rule. I'm singing since four years and this time I have my first solo part. I'm very nervous about it!" "I think you will make the best part of all, David. And of course I will come, if you don't mind." "Really, do you like church music?" "Yes, I do, and I like boys choirs in special!" "Dad never came to our performances." David said sadly. "On Thursday is the final rehearsal. You can come, too, if you like to!" "Yes, if you want I will come, David!" "Yes, I want it!" We arrived at Marco's store and entered it. I knew the owner quite well, so he came at once with a smile and we shook hands. "Peter, do you have some clothes for David? We need shirts, shorts, socks, two jeans, some pullovers, sweatshirts and so on." "Good heavens, yes of course we have!" He studied David and mumbled some numbers. "We will take it all a little bit bigger and taller, because he will grow fast in the next years. And the kids like it if looks a little sloppy. Let's start with the underwear!" He showed several different colours and forms. David looked at me questioning. "Yes David, choose what you like!" "Really? I want to have the white one, please." "Yes, and?" "What 'and'?" "David, I don't want to come each week to Peter, even if he's a nice guy," we smiled at each other, "so choose every piece seven or better ten times!" "Wow, really?" "Go on, David, we don't want to spend the whole day here, we have a full list to do!" Now there was no holding any more for the boy. He chose lots of different colours, T-shirts, two jeans, a black and a blue one; I said to everything okay except of the socks. "No white socks!" I commanded, "I hate white socks except of fitting to a white pair of trousers. When I was a child I had to wear this kind of white terrycloth socks with the colourful stripes. Peter, do you know what I mean?" "Yes, I know, they're so ugly! Ten pairs ten Dollar!" "Yes, that's it! So please David buy each colour you want, if you have to, red ones, but no white!" Finally we hard a large package of clothes. David eyes were beaming. "Can I keep this on?" he asked keenly. "Of course, if you want to." This was a nice idea, David still had worn my shorts and the T-shirt. Now he didn't look like a straying child any more. To be more precise: he looked fantastic in the new clothes. "What about Mike?" he said. "Oh, yes! Peter, we need just the same for David's brother, he's in hospital in the moment. He's ... how old is your brother, David?" "He's seven!" "OK, just the same for a boy of seven years. And Peter, you will make me a nice price for all that?" "Of course, Jack. Do you have to buy anything else? Meanwhile I get it out and make the bill." Peter knew that I was mostly in hurry if I buy clothes. "That's nice, Peter. Yes, we need some shoes and a suit for David, too. We'll come back in an hour!" This all was a little bit too much for David, he didn't know what to say. "Jack, I .." he started. "Don't worry, David. I promised to Dr. Flachsman that I will take care of you two, and exactly this I do in the moment: taking care!" "Thank you, Jack." And then he gave me a quick kiss on the lips and I think that I became red! I smiled at him. At next we bought three pair of shoes, one pair for the street, one pair for sport's lesson and a black one for his choir work. "We will buy shoes for Mike with him together. We don't know if it's fitting!" At last we had to buy a suit for David, that was more difficult than I thought. Mr. Santiago was a fine haberdasher, an elderly gentleman of old school, always best-groomed, best manners ... and gay. "Mr. Martin, nice to see you, Sir!" We shook hands. "Mr. Santiago, do you have a black suite for this boy? He's singing in the choir on Friday." "Oh, Mr. Martin, this will be a problem, we don't have any children sizes. Let's try with a smallest size for grown ups!" He got a fine black suite and told David to try it behind the curtain. Meanwhile Santiago offered a cup of coffee and I accepted thankful. "What's up, David? Are you ready?" "I'm coming!" The curtain was parted and a cute boy with wheat blond hairs in a black suite appeared. He wore only a T-shirt under the suite but exactly this looked unbelievable sexy, especially because he had to hold the pair of trousers because they were too big. I had to swallow and Mr. Santiago who had got big eyes, too. "It's too large!" David complained. "Now, let's see." Santiago bend down, lifted the trousers, frowned, fiddled around with the fabric, took some needles, frowned again and said finally: "Yes, we have to alter it a little bit, when do you need it?" "Friday!" David and me said both together. We looked at each other and smiled. "Oh, oh, Friday? This is Monday, Tuesday .... " he counted quietly, looked at David, looked at me and said finally: "It will cost me a good part of my nerves, but yes, you will get it until Friday - if ... ", here he made a break and rose the eyebrows, "... if I get two cards for the concert!" I had to laugh. "If you really manage that, dear Mr. Santiago, you will get two of the best seats, won't he, David?" "Yes, I think so, we have to ask Mr. Durbridge." "Who's that?" "That's the choir leader. He's very strict." "Well, with a bunch of little boys you have to be strict, otherwise they would do with you what they like!" David smiled, it seems that I wasn't too wrong with this guess. David had to pull out the suit again and Mr. Santiago took some measurements at him. I saw how he liked to caress the almost bare skin of David and damned! I could understand him, the boy was incredible cute. And Mr. Santiago took every measurement two times, this old horny billy goat! "Any suggestions for the tie, David?" "We have to wear a grey one for the concert!" "Grey? How boring! Don't you have the solo part?" "Yes, I will." "Do you have to come to the front?" David swallowed. "Yes, I have to. I'm so scared about that!" "You don't need to, because you will wear a golden tie, David, that's because you are something really special, am I right, Mr. Santiago?" "Definitely!" he said smiling, writing down numbers. I looked through the ties and finally a found a funny one, a yellow one with little blue horses on it. "That's it!" I showed him proudly. David smiled a weak smile and said finally: "OK, Sir, if you say so.." "You'll see David, you will look fantastic in it. Oh, and two white shirts, one with double cuffs, Mr. Santiago!" At last we were ready with everything and I had spend a fortune! On the way back David said suddenly: "Oh, wait a minute, over there is J.P.Lawrence, I'd like to show you my bicycle, I mean, the one I wanted to have." We went to the store, Mr. Lawrence was outside and recognised David. "David!", he shouted. "Do you want to fetch your bicycle?" David was on the verge of tears again. "Which one is it, Mr. Lawrence?" I interrupting him quickly. Mr. Lawrence was a clever man, he noticed that something was wrong and didn't ask David again. "This one, over there, the blue 'Kettler'. Very nice offer!" I looked at the blue bicycle and remembered when I was a boy and had my first one. I was so proud of it that I really wanted to take it in my bedroom! "We'll see!" Without David could see it I made an upright thumb to Mr. Lawrence and he smiled, nodded and understood at once. [David's point of view] I had to wait endless before Dr. Chocolate's room, sometimes I thought Jack and he were talking quite loud, but I couldn't understand a word. At last Jack came out, he looked at me smiling. We went to the car. He told me that everything is OK with Mike, so why not? I asked myself the whole time if I would like to live in Jack house. My heart said yes, but I was in fear that Jack would try to kiss me again. In the same moment I got aware that I wished that he would do it! Now he asked me if Dr. Flachsman had already talked with me. Yes, he did! What I couldn't understand all the time why Jack wanted to do that for us. He didn't know us, we weren't his kids and perhaps Daddy would say no! But Jack said that I shouldn't be scared and that he would like the idea to have two sons. "Would I have my own room?" Not that this would be very important for me. I really liked to be in Jack's house, I would have spend the night everywhere. But Jack said that we of course would have our own rooms! Wow! My own room for all my toys and stuff, where I can be alone if I want to? "Yes, of course!" Jack said laughing again. For him it was all self evident. Not for me! And suddenly he stopped, laid his hand on my head and said that he loves me and really wanted me to live in his house. A warm feeling went down my spine, this was the first time since years that a grown up had said this, and I knew that Jack told the truth as I saw his eyes. He really loved me! I looked in his eyes and suddenly I realised that I loved this man, too. I wanted to hug him and so I did. Now it became very sad again. We had to look for my drunken father. We drove to the supermarket and found only his drunken friends who hadn't seen him. I had to stay in the car but Jack talked with them. I saw that he was really angry about them, he hit something on the table, shouted at a man and came back with an angry face and explained. We decided to take the risk and to fetch all my stuff and clothes at once. First we drove to Jack's house and took the other car. "That's because we have to transport all your stuff!" Jack said. Well, it wouldn't be so much. We arrived at home and Jack turned up his nose. I felt very embarrassed and tried to explain that we didn't have any money for a cleaning lady. Then we went up to my room. Jack commanded me to put my toys together in a box and I did so. It was odd, I didn't feel bad that I would leave my parents' house, I felt good about it! Meanwhile Jack had opened the wardrobe and looked through my clothes. Some of them were quite okay but Jack said simply that all of them were rubbish. Okay, he was right! They were all too small and some of them really full of wholes. A never ending story to be derided in school. I would be glad to throw them all in the can! Now he had my black suit in the hand, I had got it from another boy's mother who's son became to old to sing in the choir. I told him that I had a solo part next Friday and Jack looked at me astonished. He thought for a moment and then he said that we would drive into the city to buy some new. I tried to explain that we didn't have a lot of money to buy clothes, but I had to think about all the beer and liquor Dad had money enough for and felt as if I was a liar. I remembered the letter Dad received last week. It was announced that he was living on welfare too long and that he didn't make any efforts to get a job. That's why he would get less money in future. That means less money for us I have had thought. Not enough money for him to drink beer with his friends! And suddenly my back became icecold. I was scared about my own money that was hidden behind the bed. It was gone! My own father had stolen the money of his son! I couldn't believe it! I started to cry and tried to explain what happened. Jack looked at me sadly and promised that I would get my money back. How would he manage that? He had to find my father and take it away again. But meanwhile Dad was certainly so sloshed that he never would give it back, if finally was something left of it! All my money I had saved for more than two years! My bicycle, the dumb faces of my friends I dreamt, all gone! Jack said again, that I would get my money back. I had to believe it. I looked through the room I had lived in for more than eight years. I was four years old, Mike wasn't born, when Mom and Dad moved in. We were so lucky in these days! Dad has had a nice job, Mom was alive and I was a little boy with lots of toys. Now Mom was dead, Dad was an alcoholic, my brother in hospital and I had to leave my room. But perhaps I would be lucky again, Jack was nice and I felt save with him. I showed him the picture of Mom, I had on my desk. He looked at it for long time, finally he said that Mom was a good looking woman and I could see in his eyes that he really meant it in the way he had said and not because she was my Mom. Now he wanted to leave a message for Dad where he could find us. He wrote it and left it at the door of the fridge. Then everything was ready, we had to go. I had the feeling that I would never go onto this house again, and suddenly some tears came into my eyes. Damned, I didn't want to cry! Everything was so sad! I was glad to leave my parents' house! We drove to the city to buy some clothes, Jack asked for my bicycle I had choose, and I became sad again. It was gone forever! I said that to Jack but he mumbled something that times would maybe change now. Was this really true? Maybe I was on the lucky path again? Jack made a lot of calls while we drove into the city. I listened to them only at half. First he called Dr. Flachsman, then his secretary, finally a woman named Maria. She should become our nanny. Why did we need one at all? I can cook on my own! But Jack really took care for us as he had promised to Dr. Chocolate! While we went to the first shop Jack asked me about our choir work. I thought about the several weeks we rehearsed the music and my solo parts of it, the first ones since I'm in the boy's choir. I was very proud of it but in the same time I was very nervous, too. Next Friday I should sing several parts on my own in front of the whole church. I was scared if I would do a good job! Jack said that he would like to come. That was cool, Dad was never interested, he said the music would make him sad. But I was sad that he didn't come! Yes, I wanted that Jack would come! The first store was Marco's and Jack seemed to know the owner. He asked him if he had some clothes for me and I couldn't believe my ears, Jack spoke about shirts, jeans, pullovers, sweatshirts! The owner started to show me some shorts, I decided for a white one. "Yes, and?" Jack asked. What 'and'? Another one? But one shorts would be enough for me! I was wrong again, Jack said I should take eight or ten pieces each! That was simply unbelievable. But before he think about it again, I decided for the red, the blue, the yellow, another white one, a black one (wow!) and a few other colours. Jack seemed to be in hurry so I chose fast the other clothes, two pairs of jeans, several T-shirts, socks ... it took no end. At the end a huge mountain of clothes was on the table of the shop. I felt great in the new clothes, just as another boy, I wanted to keep the blue jeans and the white T-shirt! "What about Mike?" I asked. Jack snapped with his fingers to remind himself and ordered simply the same package for Mike. I couldn't believe it! Jack had spent several hundred Dollar, perhaps thousands! How could I ever return the favour? I didn't know what to say when we were outside again. I wanted to say thank you but Jack interrupted me. He said that he simply does his job as he had promised to Dr. Flachsman. Now I knew what he would like and without thinking I did it: I kissed him on his lips. And right, Jack was very happy about this, he smiled from one ear to the other! The next shop was one for shoes. Jack asked me to look for three different pair of shoes, one pair for each day, one for sport's lesson and one for Friday, for our performance, a black pair of leather. Great! This was very easy, I took two pair of gym shoes, a black and a white one. The black shoes were a little bit more difficult, most of the shoes I tried pinched, my feet were quite big! Jack said that they have to fit well because I must be able to stand in them for an hour or two! Of course I left my old pair and now I was completely new from head to toe! The last store was very funny, it was 'Santiago', a haberdasher, an old guy who looked at me interested. Also he and Jack knew each other, Mr Santiago had a funny voice and he made a lot of gestures. Suddenly I knew, Mr. Santiago was gay! I started to grin, this was a gay man, then! And I understood that Jack was confused as I ask him if he was gay. Jack asked him for a black suite for me and Mr. Santiago looked at me assessingly. He said that it would be a problem and he looked for a small men's size. He took one of the hanger and gave me, pointing to a changing cubicle. The fabric felt nice, I looked at the sign inside the jacket and saw a drawing of a goat and the word "Cashmere" below. Funny, if there was a hide of a goat inside? I couldn't see anything! I pulled out my new jeans and tried the black pair of trousers, they were much too long and much to wide! Also the sleeves of the jacket were at last fifteen cm too long, I had to hold the trousers with both hands so that they didn't glide down when I went to Jack and Mr. Santiago! I felt very silly in it, thank God there wasn't another customer in the store. They drank coffee and looked at me with big eyes, but they didn't laugh and I was thankful for that. "It's too large!" I said. Now this was the cue for Mr. Santiago, he fell down on his knees as if I was the king and started to lift the fabric of the trousers and sleeves. He had a lot of needles in his mouth and I was afraid that he would swallow and get them in the wrong throat! Meanwhile I looked at the price tag at the inside of the jacket. Good heavens, 2400 Dollar! I couldn't believe it! Meanwhile Mr. Santiago mumbled all the time some numbers and wrote them down on a notepad. He wanted to change the suit and had some trouble to manage it until Friday, but finally he said OK. But he wanted to get two cards for the concert and this was something I couldn't decide but Mr. Durbridge, our choir leader. Now I had to pull out the suit again and only with my shorts and T-shirt I stood in the store and Mr. Santiago took a tape and measured me and all measurements I had: the length of my arms and legs, my waist and hip, my shoulders and so on, it took no end! If Jack wouldn't have been in the store I would really be scared by Mr. Santiago and his hands. Jack asked for a tie and I told him that we had to wear grey ones at the concert, how boring! he said. He looked through the collection and finally he showed me a yellow one with little blue and red horses. But this was impossible, I would make a laughingstock of myself! But because Jack paid all my new clothes I didn't resist, I would have the best suit of all. And finally I saw myself singing in this black suit, the white shirt and a golden tie. Didn't I have a solo part? Jack said I could take the liberty to wear it! After all we were ready with clothes and Jack and me were quite whacked. On the way back to the car I remembered the store of J.P.Lawrence just in the near. I begged Jack to have a look, I wanted to show him my bicycle! My bicycle? Damned, Dad had taken all my money, now I was poor again. Another time Mr. Lawrence wouldn't hold it back for several months! To crown it all Mr. Lawrence asked me if I would fetch it and I could have cried! Jack asked which one was mine and he showed it. I felt so sad, yesterday I saw myself cycling in front of Mark and Joe and all the others, today it was as far away as a year ago! But then Jack said only "We'll see!" and I had a little hope again. We drove to the `Berkeley farm' and Jack showed me his house for the first time completely. It was big! It had a living room over two levels, a fireside, a large library with hundreds or thousands of books, also Jack's home office was there, his own bedroom with an extra room only for the wardrobes I already knew, his own bathroom, a bathroom for guests, a room for provisions with a large fridge "for wine" as he said, heating and electric, and finally two guestrooms. "These are the rooms for you and Mike, David. Which one do you like?" Difficult choice! The first one was bigger but the window was to the north side, the other one had a window to the south and the sun shone friendly in there, but it was a little bit smaller. "May I have the large one?" I asked finally. "Of course!", he laughed, "but if we get sometimes company your brother must quit his room for the few days and sleep in yours. Do you think that's OK?" "Sure!" I said. "Do you want to help me with the clothes?" "Yes David, but we will make it easy, because our nanny Maria will come tomorrow. We ask her to do it. We could do any effort, at last the ladies pull it all out and put it in again. You wouldn't see any difference but finally they say: "Now it's tidy!" I had to laugh, this was exactly what Mom had done! So we only sorted mine and Mike clothes and put them careless into the wardrobe and the shelves became full! I never had so much clothes! "OK, David, now to the serious parts of life: tomorrow I will buy a desk for you, meanwhile you can use mine; what about your homeworks?" Oh, no! This was the first time since years that a grown-up asked for my homework except of the teachers. Mom was always a great help, we did them often together, but meanwhile I was used to do them by my own! I was quite good in school except of maths, damned fractions! But I did well in languages and music! I must have looked quite shocked, Jack said: "Hey, David, I'm offering my help, I don't want to control you!" "I know you want to help me, and yes, I can need some help in fractions." "Okay, so what are we doing here? We will quick finish your homework and the we will look for the horses. Do you like to ride today?" Was this earnest? Yes, he smiled and I said without thinking: "Yes, I do!" The next hour I showed him my exercise books and he praised me because they were so clear and neat. Then we practised the division of two fractions. "Pretty easy, David. You divide two fractions by multiply them with a reciprocal." I looked at him asking. "Look, David, numbers are boxers. Here's the first boxer, a fraction, he's called 4/5. He wants to devide with the second one, 3/2. The four asks the three, Hey I wanna devide with you, pal! But the three says: go to hell! The four becomes angry and gives him a punch, the other fraction is so astonished that the two numbers change their places! Now the four says, well to multiply is easier as to devide, so I'll do this. And? What's the result? That was funny! Nobody has explained fraction as Jack to me yet! Punching numbers? "Errr... that will be 8/15? "Great, that's it! And? Difficult? All you have to think about are punching fractions! OK, now you will practise that with the other lessons and I'll make a cup of tea for us." With the picture of punching numbers I got it fast. That was easy! Jack came back, laid one hand on my shoulder and looked about it. "Yes, David, that's pretty nice! Look, you can reduce this fraction one more, yes?" His hand was warm and felt good on my shoulders. Now he put down his cup and started to massage my neck and shoulders, that felt even better! I grunted in pleasure. "You like this?" he asked. "Don't stop, that feels good!" I closed my eyes. It was long ago that somebody had touched me lovingly. Suddenly I felt my dick through the jeans, I got a stiffy! Thank God my hip was under the desk, Jack couldn't see the bulge in my trousers. "What about your foreign languages?" "Hu? Oh, decided for German and Latin." "German? That's nice. Have I already told you that I'm coming from Germany?" "No, you haven't! Really?" Instead of an answer he said now: "Ein maennlicher Briefmark erlebte was Schoenes, bevor er klebte, er wurde von einer Prinzessin beleckt, da war die Liebe in ihm erweckt. Er wollte sie wiederkuessen, da hat er verreisen muessen! So liebte er sie vergebens, das ist die Tragik des Lebens! That's a 'Ringelnatz', a well known German author who lived 70 years ago. Did you understand it?" "Only the half, something of a stamp and a princess. But it sounds funny!" Jack is a German, I couldn't believe it! "It is, it would be possible to translate it in English, but then the joke is gone. OK, anything else?" "Yes, I have to write an essay until Wednesday. We shall write about "trust and how to win it". That's soo boring!" "It isn't! To win the trust of another human being or an animal is one of the most wonderful things we can get in life. Do you want to practice it?" "How?" "By riding, David! To ride is pure trust. Trust in an animal and trust in your own abilities. Difficult but it's worth it!" An hour later I wrote this essay: How to win the trust of a horse Today I tried for the first time to ride. Before you can ride you must saddle a horse. Before you can saddle a horse you must groom it and before you can groom a horse you must win his trust. This is quite easy if you respect the animal, a horse is much stronger and heavier than a man. First you have to know the horse better and also the horse must become acquainted with you. You have to approach a horse by it's front and best is if you stroke the horse first then he knows that you don't want to hurt him. If you want to groom a horse you act in this way: First you take a brush and curry the horse from front to back. At next you take a sponge and clean his eyes and nostrils, then his penis or vagina and his anus. At last you have to scratch the hoofs clean from dung and soil. Now you can saddle a horse, if the horse sees the saddle it knows that it shall ride. You put the saddle carefully on his back. A strap goes under his belly and is fixed at the other side of the saddle. The belt is tighten strongly. Now you can mount the horse and you must sit down gently and take the reins not too strict, so that the horse always knows that you treat him carefully. If you touch the horse now with your heels the horse goes forward. If you don't hurt a horse it will trust you immediately. You can trust the horse, too, he won't throw you of his back. Exactly this Jack and I did and I felt fantastic on his horse Patric. I felt that I would win the trust of Patric if I would act as Jack had told me and yes, Patric knew at once that I wouldn't hurt him. Because he trusted me, I trusted him, too, and I wasn't afraid to ride him. Jack had a long leash, he called it 'longeing rein' and I rode always in circles around him, it was funny but too slow, I said, I wanted to ride faster. OK, Jack said, then we go the next step, it is called 'trot'. I should box him another time with my heels, but gently! I did and Patric became much faster, it was difficult to keep in the saddle! Jack said I should try to come up with my hip always when the right foreleg comes to the back. I tried it but I was too difficult. "Don't worry", Jack laughed, "you will learn it quick! Now he said I should hold tight at the saddle, because he wanted to show me the gallop. I had to take the right foot a little bit back and the left leg to put against the belly. I did and suddenly Patric started to gallop! Wow, this was really fast! We did only one round because I almost fell down! We became slower and I had to pull at the reins. We stopped and I was not too sad about! "Now, you made a good job for your first riding lesson, David. Did you like it?" "Oh, yes, but the gallop is really fast! Wow!" "You should try this on the beach, David, it's fantastic!" "When we will ride on the beach?" He laughed and said: "Oh, David, that will take some more hours at the lunge, some hours to learn riding straight on, some more hours to ride in circles and a lot of hours to keep save in the saddle! If you really want to learn riding I will enrol you to the riding school, the same where I've learned riding some years ago. Think about it! But now show me your hands!" The skin of my ring fingers was sore, just where the reins have gone through. "Oh sorry, David, I had to give you a pair of gloves, now you will get blisters! Quick some ice on it! I'll bring Patric back to the stable." When Jack came in I wrote already my essay, Jack looked above my shoulders and said that is was very nice and exactly right. Two days later I read it out to the class and got an "A" for it! The other kids giggled when I read the part with Patrics private parts, but especially some girls looked with some esteem at me. I felt proud! We were hungry now, the whole day we didn't eat proper, Jack fetched some Chinese food and we ate in the kitchen, I got milk, Jack opened a bottle of wine for himself. "I'm concerned that we don't hear anything from you father, David!" he said while we ate. I shrugged my shoulders. "Happens it often that he disappears?" "The last time is three weeks ago, he disappeared and came back a whole week later. I asked our neighbours to get something to eat." Jack mumbled something I couldn't understand. "OK, that's your first day and night in a foreign house. Do you like to watch a movie?" "At your home cinema? Of course!" He smiled. "It isn't a home cinema, it's only a little bit bigger than normal tellies. What kind of movies do you like?" "Science fiction and movies with animals!" "Well, I just bought the new trilogy of 'Star Wars'. What do you think?" "Great!" Jack started the video and we relaxed on the sofa. Jack had also a surround system, the sound came from back and front, it was great! After a while I asked him if he minds if I would lean against him. He smiled at me, opened his arms and I snuggled up to his chest. He laid his arms around me. My head became heavy and I laid it on his shoulders. I felt warm and safe. I was so tired and after a while I fell asleep in Jack's arms. [Jack's point of view] Poor boy! He slept soundly in my arms, he has had a really hard day. Coming home, no father, brother in hospital, a guy, he met yesterday for the second time and who had given him a French kiss, waiting for him; confrontated with the fact that he should sleep in another house, clear his room and go on shopping tour to choose more clothes he had ever seen in his life, a new house and a new room, homework and finally a riding lesson! I had almost a guilty conscience that it was too much for him, no wonder he slept like a baby! I took this boy on my arms and carried him carefully in his room. David dozed and mumbled something I couldn't understand clearly. Something like "Daddy? Please don't drink any more!" This damned asshole! I decided not to drink any alcohol for the next weeks, no wine and no 'Noilly Prat' any more! My doctor and my liver would be keen about it. I laid him onto the bed, pulled of his gyms and socks, opened the belt and zip of his jeans and pulled at the trouser legs. The trousers glided down and with it also his shorts. Once again I saw his little pecker and his unhaired skin. I had a hard time to hold me back, not to embrace and not to kiss him wildly. I pulled up his shorts again, my heart was beating! Then I covered him with a light quilt and sat on the bed. When I watched this beautiful boy, sleeping deeply, trusting me totally, I had a warm feeling inside me. It started in my heart and spread in the whole body. I loved this boy and I hoped that he would like me too. I didn't want to do anything to scare him. But now I couldn't resist to give him a kiss on the lips. "Sleep well, sweet boy." I whispered. Chapter 5 Clinically dead [Jack's point of view] I got up early next morning, as far as I knew school started at 8 o'clock. I was in the kitchen making breakfast when David came in, a sleepy cute boy in shorts. "Good morning." he said yawning. "Good morning, my boy! Slept well?" "Yes, I had funny dreams!" "You know that they will come true? All dreams the first night in a new house come true!" "We will see!" he said smiling. Damned, I would like to know this dreams! "Get a move on under the shower! Breakfast is ready!" I chased him out of the kitchen. I heard the shower rushing for a very short time. All boys are afraid of water, I smiled and remembered when I was young and had a cat's lick every morning! He came back with wet hairs, at least he had brushed his teeth, I can't stand any bad breath, especially in the morning! Now he sat in the kitchen in the morning sun and he looked so sexy with his wet hairs and bare chest, only wearing shorts! He looked astonished at the table, eggs, muesli, rolls, ham and cheese, jam, fruits and so on. "I never had such a breakfast!" he said. "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, we will have it every morning, David. This is quite nothing, I was in hotels in South Africa or Brasilia where you could get everything you can imagine for breakfast. But can you ever understand the Englishman who eat fat fish for breakfast?" "Ugh, no!" "But they do, David, small fat sausages with fat mushrooms and fat ham and eggs. And chips!" He laughed loud and stuffed himself with a strawberry roll. "What do you like to drink for breakfast? Tea?" "Hot chocolate!" "OK, over there is the stove, in the fridge is milk, in the drawer you'll find a pot and in the cupboard over there is cocoa. You have to do some duty, too, David. So please make your hot chocolate on your own!" I said friendly. "No problem!" he said and acted on his own as he did every morning so far. We ate silently. "When does school start?" I asked. "8.30" "Then we don't have to hurry. Do you take the school bus in the morning?" "Yes, I do. Ooops!" The milk had almost boiled over, with a leap he was at the stove and got it in the last second. "Where's the school?" "In the near of the hospital. Can't we visit Mike before?" "Then we have to leave now. You're right, we should ask for him! Something to eat for the break in school?" He showed me a roll with ham he made. Good boy! "OK, then I will drive you to school this morning, for once!" "With the Porsche!" he begged. I had to smile. "OK, with the Porsche and now go on!" We arrived in the hospital and went straight to Mikes room. He wasn't there. I was concerned, I had a foreboding. We looked for a nurse and found her in the nurse room. "Please wait a minute, David!" I said to him, entered the room and closed the door behind me. "What about Mike Peterson in 222?" I asked the oldest one. "Are you his father?" she asked distrustful. "No, his guardian." I thought I could say this with some right. "He had a bad night, he had a circulatory collapse and is now in intensiv care. You mustn't disturb him." I was shocked! "I see, I want to speak to Dr. Flachsman." "He was the whole night at his bed, now he sleeps." "OK, his brother David is waiting outside, I don't want to alarm him." I opened the door and David looked at me questioning. "You brother is ill, David, he was brought into another room. I take care about him, okay?" David looked sad. "But yesterday he was quite ok, wasn't he?" "I'll ask Dr. Flachsman but now you have to go to school and we will visit him this afternoon, OK?" I drove David to school car and he was happy to be seen by a lot of other boys sitting in an expensive car. They stood and looked at him and me curiously. "Here's a second key for the door, David. There are two locks, you have to unlock the upper one first to switch off the alarm system, then the other one, ok? Don't forget it or a watch will suddenly stand in front of the door!" "Cool!" he said grinning. "No, expensive! I will be at home, waiting for Maria and for you. Don't dawdle, okay?" "Yes, Sir!" he said and got out. "Hey!" I shouted at him. The bell was ringing, he turned around and looked inquiring. "Have a nice day!" I said smiling. He smiled, too. "You, too!" he said simply and ran to the entrance. Some of his friends were waiting and bombarded him with questions now, I supposed. I drove back to the hospital, looking for Dr. Flachsman. In one of the corridors we met, he looked very tired. "Dr. Flachsman! What about Mike? Why haven't you called me?" "Good morning, Mr. Martin." he said simply and suppressed a yawn. "Excuse me, doctor, good morning! I thought you would call me if something is wrong." "Why should I alarm you, too? Mike had a circulatory collapse last night. We brought him immediately into the intensive-care unit. This time he had really a narrow escape. He's stable now and you can visit him for a short moment. What about David and his father?" "David is well, he slept in my house last night and is now in school. I left a note for his father but he didn't ring back. David said that it happens often in the last time that he disappears for several days. Meanwhile he had to ask his neighbors to get something to eat!" "That's why the boys are underweighted! Because of this fact we really had some trouble with Mike. He's over the worst but he must stay here for at least two or three weeks." "I'll try again to find his father but I have no great hopes." "Okay, now come with me to the care unit. Have you ever seen one? It looks worse than it is!" I thought of my own accident with a motorbike when I was 16 years old. I knew the feeling to wake up, not being able to move anything and only technique, beeping machines, dozens of cables and tubes everywhere. Since this time I had a real horror in hospitals! We entered the room and it was just the same as in my memories, except of the fact that there was a little seven year old boy laying there on the bed. His eyes were open and he recognised me. "Jack!" he said weakly and tried to smile. "Hi Mike, what a nice room you have now and everybody takes care for you!" I tried to cheer him a little bit up. I sat down on his bed. "Dr. Chocolate said that you will come this morning." he said slowly. I looked at him, the doctor stood behind me and slapped my shoulder. "Go ahead!" he whispered. "Mike, I will buy a bicycle for David today and you will get one, too. Which colour would you like?" He got big eyes. "A bicycle for my own?" he asked. "Yes, Mike, for your own! Every boy needs a bicycle, doesn't he?" "I want a red one!" I laid my hand on his head and caressed him softly. "Okay, you'll get a red bicycle, but you have to become healthy soon to ride on it, ok? Do you promise me, Mike?" He smiled again and asked: "Tomorrow?" "Not tomorrow but next week and I will bring your red bicycle on Saturday, okay? And no word to your brother, it shall be a surprise!" I whispered. "Okay!" he whispered back. I had won a 'accessory'. "Get well soon, dear Mike, we will come this afternoon again." Mike closed his eyes and fell asleep again. "Well done, Mr. Martin!" Dr. Flachsman said outside, "the idea with the bicycle was great." "You've told him that I would come?" "He didn't ask for his father, he asked for you. What else could I do?" "You did right, doctor. I will care for the boys." "I know." "Will Mike become healthy again?" "Yes, he will, but he needs intensive care here. Two or three weeks." "It was really bad, wasn't it?" Dr. Flachsman looked at me for a moment and said then: "Yes. His heart stood still for a minute or two. Clinically he was dead. We had to do great efforts to bring him back to life." I was shocked. This little boy dead! While David and I slept peacefully the doctors fought for Mike's life. I felt bad. "Would you please accept my gratitude on behalf of his father, Dr. Flachsman?" "No. But I would accept the gratitude in your name, Mr. Martin." I reached my hand out for his and we shook them. "Thank you, doctor!" I had to hurry, at 10 o'clock Maria, our nanny, would come. Yes, when I arrived at home five minutes to ten she was already there and waited for me. "Hi, my name is Jack Martin and you must be Maria Sanchez!" I welcomed her and we shook hands. "Are you waiting for a long time for me?" "No, Mr Martin, I just arrived and went around you house. It's very nice!" Maria was a nice little woman in the mid of the thirties. She had a light accent, proving herself to come from Middle America. "Thank you, Maria. Where's your daughter Clarissa?" "Oh, you remember her name? She's on the paddock and looks at the ponies." "Fine, I don't mind. Please come in, you like to see the kitchen, I suppose." We went into the house, we left it in a mess. "Sorry, we had no time to tidy up, I had to bring David in school." "Men! Always the same!" Maria laughed and started to clean up the kitchen. I liked her at once. "OK, Maria, I need you six days a week, you have to go shopping and to cook. I don't mind if you and your daughter will eat here, too. Then you have to cook for four persons and when Mike, the brother of David, will come out of hospital for five. The boys are 12 and seven years old. I'll pay ten Dollar an hour and you will get ... how much money do you need to make the groceries?" "I don't know ... I think I have to make groceries for breakfast and supper, too?" "Yes, please." "Well, I don't know if you're very demanding ... I will try with 200 Dollar a week." "All right, Maria, I agree. Here's the money for groceries and your fee for the first week. At the beginning of next week we will settle up, ok?" Someone knocked at the door. "So I can start with my work, Mr. Martin?" "Yes, please." I went to the door and opened. An unknown lady who looked very seriously. "Yes, Madam?" "Mr. Martin?" "Yes, I am." "My name is Mrs. Rupertos. I'm coming from the youth welfare department and I want to have a look." Good heavens, they were fast! "Please come in, Mrs Rupertos." She seemed to be very strict. We went to the living room and I offered a seat. She took out her notebook. "Dr. Flachsman called us that you want to take care for David and Mike Peterson, 12 and seven year old. Correct?" "Correct." Mrs. Rupertos wasn't very sympathic but I knew I had to bear this hearing. "Do you already have the permission of their father?" "Not yet. I tried to find Mr. Peterson but he vanished into thin air. I left a note in his house with my name and telephone number, but I haven't heard anything yet. David told me that this happened quite often in the last months." "Yes, we know, a neighbor had called us already who talked about the neglected condition of the house and the children. But we can't do anything until the parents make theirself liable to prosecution." "You mean, the father has to hurt or kill a child until you react?" "That's the law, Mr. Martin. Our society isn't very friendly to kids. But you seem to be. Why?" The same questions again! Damn it! All I wanted to do was to care for two boys but the administrive bodies think that I want to make sex movies or whatever with them! "Mrs. Rupertos, I have room and money enough to care for them. Unfortunately I'm not married and I don't have children on my own. It is quite easy, the boys have deserved a lucky childhood, all the more because their mother died two years ago. I am able to give them a house, food and a good father." "Do you want to adopt them?" "Yes, I would like to, but I know it would be difficult because I'm not married. Meanwhile I am lucky to be the guradian of them." "I can't decide that on my own, Mr. Martin. My job is to find out if the boys would be okay here. Do you have somebody who cares for them over the day?" "I engaged a nanny, Mrs Sanchez, she's in the kitchen. She comes six times a week to cook for them." "I think you know about our difficulties, Mr. Martin. We're overcrowded in our hostels. In accordance with the department of youth and families we have to find private homes for children who became destitute or are otherwise in trouble. Now, who tells me if this isn't only a caprice you have? Maybe you get tired of them in three months?" "First, Mrs Rupertos, I can't imagine to get tired of these wonderful boys. Second I am not the father of them yet, I offered my house and my love to care for them until the father is cured of his alcoholism and able to take care again on his own again." But I don't think that he would appear ever again, I thought. Mrs. Rupertos made some notes. "I talked with Dr. Flachsman and it was a recommendation of him that the boys can stay here. Normally we allow only families to take care of children. Let me see their rooms, please." I showed her the two rooms I thought for them. Mikes room was still empty but David had already fixed some posters of dinosaurs and cartoons. Dirty clothes and other boy stuff were spread in the edges. It took only a few hours to make this former tidy guest room to a normal "boy room". I had no difficulties with it but Mrs Rupertos seemed to be discontented. "You should get them used to be tidy and clean, Mr. Martin. Otherwise it will maybe outgrow." "I don't think so, Mrs. Rupertos. I remember when I was a little boy. My room was always untidy except of twice a year when my mother saw for bulk rubbish. And as you can see I became a quite successful businessman." She mumbled something I couldn't understand. "Do you have children on your own?" I asked her. "I'm not married, Mr. Martin and other than you I don't like to have children." Why the heck are you engaged in the youth welfare department, lady? I asked her in mind. Suddenly we heard a childish voice in the kitchen. "Who's this?" Mrs. Rupertos asked suspicious. "I think, it's Clarissa, the daughter of Mrs. Sanchez." Yes, that was right, Clarissa was in the kitchen and beamed of joy telling her mother that she had caressed the horses. "Are you Mr. Martin?" she asked when we came into the kitchen. Clarissa was a very cute little girl, black hair, light brown skin and snow white teeth. I bend down to her. "Yes, I am. And you must be Clarissa. Your mother didn't tell me what a cute girl she has!" Clarissa smiled her most radiant smile. "And you can call me Jack, ok?" "I was on the meadow and caressed the ponies!" she told me ardently. "Really? Do you like to give them some carrots?" "Oh yes, Jack, let's go!" and she pulled my hand to get of at once. "Mrs Rupertos, please take a seat. Maria, could you please make a cup of coffee for Mrs. Rupertos? I'll come back in a minute!" Mrs Rupertos didn't seem to agree in the first moment, but I had to get into fresh air for a minute! What a hellcat! We got some carrots and I showed Clarissa how to feed horses. She stood in front of Patric and looked up to him. "The ponies are soo cute, Jack. And Patric is so big!" But she wasn't scared. "Do you like to sit on him?" "Can I? Oh yes, please!" I grabbed Clarissa at her waist and with a swing I sat her on Patric's back. "Hold tight at his mane!" I commanded her. Patric was a nice gelding, he would never throw somebody of his back intentionally. I took his halter and lead him a few steps around. "Are you ok, Clarissa?" "Yaah!" came the joyful answer. So I took the risk to run a few metres and Patric started to trot. Clarissa squeaked in pleasure. "All for now, Clarissa!" I said out of breath. "Aww, it was just so funny!" "Clarissa, I'm an old man and can't run all the time. Come down." She glided from Patric's back and fell into my arms. "Can I learn riding on Patric, Jack?" The same beaming eyes as like David's! "Yes, also David learns riding, so why not?" She smiled again and run off to tell this 'great news' her mother. I went into the kitchen, too, and found the two women drinking coffee. Something has happened meanwhile because Mrs. Rupertos didn't look so seriously any more. I even could see a touch of a smile in her face. Clarissa gushed her news to her mother and Maria listened smiling. "Any questions left, Mrs. Rupertos?" I asked her. "No, not in the moment, Mr. Martin. Thank you for the coffee. I'll inform the department that the boys are in good hands here. Good bye." "Hey, Maria!", I asked when she was gone, "what have you told her that she's suddenly so friendly?" "We found out that we come from the same city in Mexico. And I have told her that you are a very generous and friendly man, Mr. Martin. Your two boys are very lucky to have a new father." I blushed a little bit. "Thank you, Maria, that was very kind of you! But we still have to find their real father to get the final permission of him." Damned, where was this man? [David's point of view] I had a funny dream in the first night in Jack house. Well, funny wasn't the right word, it was more an ... exciting one. I dreamt that Jack came to my bed and laid beside me. We were both nude. He kissed me and I could feel his hand on my stiff dick, rubbing it. And I also took his hard dick in my hands. We smiled at each other friendly. Then he kissed me again and I felt his tongue on my teeth and my own tongue. I closed my eyes and fell into his grey eyes and fell and fell... Next morning I woke up with a stiffy penis again and suddenly I remembered my dream. I took my penis in the right hand and started to rub. I closed my eyes and thought if Jack would do this, it must be wonderful. I nod off for another quarter then I woke up from the noise Jack made in the kitchen. I went downstairs and Jack said friendly good morning to me. How many months I have missed that! He asked me about my dreams and said that the first dream in a new house will come true. I thought of mine and blushed; I went quickly into the bathroom that he couldn't see my red face. We had a fanatstic breakfast but much better was the fact that Jack said we would have it each morning now! I asked him if we could visit Mike in hospital before school started and he agreed. But when we arrived in the hospital his room was empty. Jack asked a nurse but he didn't want me to take part of the talk. Damned, Mike was my brother! Jack said that Mike became ill again and we would visit him at the afternoon. Now we had to hurry, school started in a few minutes and I couldn't wait for all the dumb faces seeing me getting out of a Porsche! And I was right! Great, exactly when we drove before the main entrance, Mark and Joe arrived, too. They had eyes as big as plates when they saw me. I was cool and did as if it was the most usual thing to be driven to school with a Porsche. "Was that Jack?" Joe asked. "Yup." I said, nothing else. Contentedly I saw that they looked at my new jeans and gym shoes. "Why does he drives you to school?" "Well ...." "Yes?" "I'm sleeping now in his house, Jack becomes our guardian." I blurted out. The eyes of them became a little bit bigger again. "But he's gay, isn't he?" "He's not, asshole, he's very nice!" "And what about your father?" I shrugged my shoulder. Damned, how could I know where my boozy Dad was? "Did you already get the money from him?" That was a good question. Would I get the promised money even if I would live in his house? On the other side Jack would maybe grant a lot of whishes I had. Maybe even a bicycle? I had to find out! School was boring except of music lesson. Our teacher - he was for math and also music - told us a new song, the 'Ave Maria' by J. S. Bach and I liked it at once. I did my best to sing it perfectly. Mr. Miller was very satisfied and gave me an "A". "If you would calculate as good as you sing, David, you would be a really good student!" The other boys giggled. Damn it, I like to sing and I don't want to become mathematician! When I arrived at the `Berkeley farm' a foreign lady opened the door. "You must be David!" she said and smiled. "Come in, dinner is ready!" "Are you our new nanny?" I asked. "Yes, I am. You can call me Maria if you like. And this is my daughter Clarissa. She eats with us." Clarissa was nice, she smiled at me, too. On the table was a large pile of pancakes, apple sauce, jam and sugar! Wow, great! We started to eat. "David, I must know when you come out of school to have dinner ready." Maria said. I told her and she looked as if it was okay for her. We had eaten more than the half of the stack when Jack arrived. "Hey, this looks like a real family in my kitchen. Hallo, everybody!" "Hi, Mr. Martin, come on, take a seat and try to get one of the last. Do you like pancakes?" "No, I love pancakes! Hey, David, leave your finger from the plate, this is my one!" "Nope, Sir, I am still growing, you're already big and heavy!" "Thank you very much, boy, to tell in such a nice way I am overweight!" So we were kidding, everybody laughed and we had a nice meal. Maria was at the stove all the time and made new ones until we weren't able to say a single word. "And what get the ponies to eat?" Clarissa asked. "Look outside, they eat grass. Fat fresh green grass." Jack said. "And in the winter?" Yes, what do horses eat in the winter? "They get hay in the morning and carrots, apples and some concentrated food in the evening, some minerals and vitamines, too." "Only twice a day, they must be very hungry?" "Yes they are but they shouldn't become too fat." "So let us feed Jack with hay and carrots!" I said laughing. "Be careful, David, or you have to muck out the stable!" Jack said and showed me a forefinger. "Don't be cheeky to Mr. Martin, David!" Maria said but she wasn't angry. "He is a tall man and not a bit too fat." "Thank you Maria, you're nice!" Jack replied, "you know what growing ups have to do all the time, too feed cheeky children for example!" Then he jumped up, hold me tight and tickled my chest and belly. I burst of laugh and tried to get out of his hold, no chance! I didn't laugh so much for a long time! But the best still came: Maria opened the door of the fridge and took a large bowl of chocolate pudding. Wow! "Aren't you all full up?" she asked smiling. "No!!" we shouted in a choir and rushed at the pudding! Chocolate pudding with cream, great! On the way to the hospital to visit Mike Jack told me what he has heard in the morning. That Mike was in a new room now and that his illness became worse last night. "Be friendly to him, David. He has to stay in hospital for at least two weeks." "Of course I am, I am always kind to him!" Well, except of the few times when he had pinched some of my stuff again! After Mom's death he hasn't said a word to a grown up for almost a year. I was the only one he trusted and talked! I was shocked when I saw him. At first I thought he's dead but then I saw he slept. This was almost the same situation when I saw our Mom for the last time! I was at the edge of tears when I asked Jack if he would become healthy again. "Yes, David, he will. I asked Dr. Flachsman and he said that he's over the worst now. Trust me." "Yes, trust Mr. Martin, David!" a voice behind us said suddenly. It was Dr. Chocolate who paid a visit to Mike, too. "He will become well again. I promise." Perhaps this was all my fault? Now I cried in deed. "Dr. Chocolate, it's my fault! I touched his wound yesterday and maybe that's the reason that he became so ill again?" "Oh, David, don't worry. That wasn't nice that you've touched his bandage but definetely it wasn't the reason for his collaps! Don't worry any more!" But I still cried. "The other doctor said the same, when Mom died two years ago. We shouldn't worry any more. And the next day she was dead!" I couldn't look into his eyes any more. I cried. Jack took me in his arms and hold me tight. He didn't say a word. "David, I promise you that your brother will get well soon. I will do everything that's possible. Believe me. Help me by believing me." Jack released me and looked in a cheering up way in my eyes. "I believe you." I said finally, sobbing. "Thank you David. And now you have to leave your brother. He needs his sleep. I will tell you that you were here to visit him when he awakes. Come again tomorrow, okay?" "Thank you, Dr. Flachsman." Jack said. "Yes, thank you, Dr. Chocolate." We left the room and before we closed the door I looked back about my shoulder. Dr. Chocolate gave Mike a shot in his hand and my brother didn't say a single word. Now I knew that he was really ill. Chapter 6 Confessions [Jack's point of view] Thursday evening. The day of the final rehearsal for David's choir. David was in good mood when I drove him to the church, especially because our visit to Mike had been pleasurable today. He felt much better and was in a normal station again. David lived in my house for only four days but I had the impression that it was already a couple of weeks. Our living together was very harmonic, I felt like a father for him. Sometimes I cought myself staring at David since several minutes. He was so cute, at the edge of becoming a man but sometimes still a little boy. I went to the door of his room late in the night, the door wasn't closed and I could hear him breathing deeply in his bed. I had to hold me back not to rush in his bed, under his quilt and press this boy at my bare skin. No, I had to wait, I didn't know for what, but I waited. David knew that he could trust me. He was always pleased to see me and smiled a lot. Sometimes when I was in my study or when I sat in an armchair reading the paper he came and laid his arms around my neck, he couldn't be alone and I did no effort to send him away. He felt the love I had for him, the love I was willing to give and slowly the love came back. David wore simply clothes, blue jeans and a shirt. I parked the car in the near of the church and we went a few steps. "Do you really want that I'm in the church, David? Or shall I wait outside?" "No, Jack, the other parents are in the church, too. It will be much more funny than the performance tomorrow, everybody's relaxed this evening." He stopped. "Tomorrow I have to sing for the audience in the church, this evening I will sing only for you, Jack. You will listen to the music and you will hear me, but you will not only hear the words, you will also hear my feelings for you. It's because I love you." This "confess" was quite surprising for me, even if I hoped that he would say that one day. I looked into his eyes and saw the sparkling again, it made me swallow. Tears came to my eyes and I tried to hide them. Every word would have been unnecessary here, so I simply gave him a kiss. We entered the church. Mr. Durbridge was already waiting for 'his' boys. David was one of the last and he had a warm welcome by the other ones. It was a varied mixture, roughly 40 boys and young men between the age of 8 and 18. One place was empty in the first row, now David took this place. The first seat rows were already filled by all the parents, who were in same good mood as the boys, also other children were in the church, brothers and sisters, I supposed. Some of the grown-ups had seen me when I entered the church with David and now they eyed me curiously. I took a seat in the edge of the ninth row, it became very quiet. "Dear parents and relationship, good evening!" Mr. Durbridge said. It seemed to be usual that he gave a short speech on the occasion of the last rehearsal. "More than three months we've learned and rehearsed the "Requiem" of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. Because we are a small city we can't perform the whole mass, we've changed the choir which is designated for men and women choir for a boy's choir, but I know definitely that you will like it. You will especially love our young talent David Peterson! Everything all right, David?" Everybody looked at David now, he cleared his throat nervously, looked at me and said "Yes, I'm fine!" "OK, let us sing now, boys. I ask for your concentration, no fooling around or cheating." The audience was amused. Mr. Durbridge seemed to very strict, just as David already said. The boys were very quiet now, some of them had the eyes closed, they concentrated on the text, and also the audience remained silently. The organ started to play, the first sounds were melancholy. Then the boys began to sing, but something went wrong, some of them missed the entry. Mr. Durbridge knocked with the baton on his desk. "That's why we have a final rehearsal, boys, I know that this won't happen tomorrow?" It was more an establishing than a question. The boys giggled. "Be quiet! Once again, please! Look at my baton!" This time everything was fine, the boys started to sing and I was immediately charmed for them, everybody was keen and spared no efforts. The simplicity and beauty of the music was overwhelming. And then David had his first solo part. He had closed his eyes for full concentration, he didn't need to look to the conductor. He started to sing, his voice was as clear as a bell and filled the whole church. "Te decet hymnus, Deus, in Sion et tibi reddetur votum in Jerusalem..." Was it possible that this wonderful music came out of the mouth of my beloved boy David? I couldn't believe it, he hasn't had only a voice he had also emotions he was able to sing, everybody was delighted and a quiet whisper went through the audience. This wasn't a boy who sang over there, it was an angel. And he looked like an angel with his blond hairs and his perfect body of a growing up boy. My Latin was a little bit rusty, but I could understand it quite well. "A hymn becometh Thee, O God, in Sion: and a vow shall be paid to Thee in Jerusalem..." Now he had finished his first part, opened his eyes and smiled at me. I smiled back and made soundless: "You're great!" with my lips. "Kyrie eleison, Christe eleison, Kyrie eleison... " sang the boys in choir. Yes, Lord, have mercy on me! I love this boy, can you understand this? Without hesitation I would give my life for him, all I wanted to do was to be a father for this boy, wanted that he's always fine and must never cry again. And my heart was filled of warm affection and love. The first movement was finished, some of the parents couldn't hold back and applauded. "Very nice, David!" Mr. Durbridge said, "You all sing very nice, boys!" They giggled again, the neighbour of David had looked at me and now he said something in his ear and David whispered back; they looked at me again and smiled. "For the next verse I want you to understand the feelings Mozart has had when he composed it.", said Mr. Durbridge as well to the boys as to the audience, "he wanted to express the fear as also the love to God. He thought we have to live in fear of the anger of God but he also knew that there would always be a salvation for those who believe in Him. OK, boys, fortissimo now!" The organ started to play again, the throats of 40 boys gave the best they had, the air in the church was shook of the energy, my heart was open and I was deeply impressed about the might which flooded in it. Dies irae, dies illa Solvet saeclum in favilla: Teste David cum Sibylla. Quantus tremor est futurus, Quando judex est venturus, Cuncta stricte discussurus! "Day of wrath and doom impending, David's word with Sibyl's blending! Heaven and earth in ashes ending! Oh, what fear man's bosom rendeth, when from heaven the Judge decendeth, on whose sentence all dependeth!" I've never been a religious man but I was open for the ideas of the Christianity. The music gave me the creeps, it affected my soul. Now David sang again for his own: Tuba, mirum spargens sonum Per sepulcra regionum Coget omnes ante thronum... "Wondrous sound the trumpet flingeth, through earh's sepulchres it ringeth, all before the throne it bringeth..." I didn't know if David was able to understand the meaning of the words, but he definitely understood to bring them to the audience, who listened with close attention. His high voice flooded through the air, up to the last row and up to the gallery. Then it came back, the air in the church was filled with the sound of the organ and his voice. I was enraptured. I had closed the eyes and left this church, I wasn't longer between the other men and women, I was somewhere between the stars, listening to the breath of the stars, the sound of God. I saw thousands and thousands of stars but I didn't look at them, I looked at the black between the stars and knew the meaning of all this wasn't to find in the light yet, it was something in the dark or behind it. It was a dark that didn't frighten me, it was warm and lulling, I flew through it to see other stars. But they became less and less, at last I was totally in the dark which was filled by a high tone. This was my orientation, to come to the tone that called for me, full of trust, full of love. And finally I saw a bright spot somewhere in the darkness. It came near fastly, I wanted to embrace it, to warm myself in the light, to be part of it. This was David! This was the end of my journey, I had found a haven for my soul, I felt the deep love that came from him and at the same time I was able to give all the love back. The world was empty except us two, but also we weren't there bodily, it were our souls, our idea of each other, David was singing, he gave, I was listening, I took. I felt also a push and I was confused, I didn't understand what to do, the pressure became stronger and at last I got it, I made the final step. I entered his soul and opened mine for him, he did too. We embraced us, we kissed us, our hearts were combined and beated in one rhythm. Our love filled the dark around us and it became bright and true. In the beginning was not the word, it was music. We've made a new universe, filled of music, love and light... The last tones surged through the church until they slowly died away. It was quiet. Similar as me the audience got entangled in their day dreams and had to find back to reality now. It took some time until one man stood up and started to applaud. Now the other men and women stood quickly up and joined him. Me for myself was still captivated in the prison of emotions, I was touched down to my innermost soul. It was difficult to find back to reality, the noise helped me. Now I started to applaud, too, but the look that David and I changed was more worth than every applause he and the others were acclaimed. I understood him, he understood me. "I love you." "I love you, too." [David's point of view] Our final rehearsal was finished and we went to the car. I could feel the bonds between Jack and me. Most of the time I sang with closed eyes, I knew the text and the music well, I didn't need to look at Mr. Durbridge and his baton. Most of the times I thought that he beats the music down, correct but perfect. Too perfect without any room for fantasy. I think that Mozart composed his music in a totally different way we think today, but he would definitely agree with our interpretation of his music in these days. Yes, I looked at Jack several times while the organ played and the other boys sang. Mostly he had closed the eyes and was very serious, differently than the parents and families who were in the church, too, and looked smiling at their sons. But that was ok for me, damned, we sang a 'Requiem', a singing for the dead and not children's Saturday afternoon folk music! While my solo parts I tried to understand the new feelings I had for him. It was odd but while I sang I had the strong feeling the he would understood me and my feelings for him. I was thoroughly convinced that he never would do any harm to me or Mike. After our rehearsal we went to the car and didn't say a single word. We were in our little park of the city when he suddenly stopped and sat down on a bench. No word from him and I have to admit that I expected something, a word of praise or of criticism, a review, anything but not silence. I sat down, too. I took his hand in mine. And suddenly I heard him crying quietly. "What's the matter?" I asked worried and laid my arm around him. It took several minutes until he was able to give a reply. "Oh, David, these are tears of joy, you sang so wonderful and you are such a marvellous boy I don't know if I had deserved such a luck!" "What do you mean? What 'luck'?" Another long break. "Isn't it a luck," he said finally, calmed again, "that I met you, David? I longed to have a son or a boy-friend like you for several years. Now all this became true, all my hopes, to be simply friendly to a boy, care for him, be available if it's necessary, to love him and perhaps to be loved, too, all this is more I expect in my life as a boy-lov.." His voice started to shiver again and he interrupted himself. Boy-lover? I was astonished but not scared. I have heard this word already before. A boy-lover is someone who rapes children, especially boys of my age. No, not Jack! This couldn't be true! "You love boys?" Jack hesitated only for a second and said: "Yes, David, I love boys. This is my most innert secret." "What do you mean?" "Normally grown up men like grown up women, they love each other and sometimes they marry and have perhaps children on their own. This is the normal way. But the nature is very different. I can be that men like men or women like women, and yes, it's also possible women like girls or - as in my case - men like boys. They feel wonderful in the company of boys, they love to be a friend for them and sometimes they even make love with each other." "Have you had sex with boys?" "No, never, David. Not yet. Perhaps it would be part of love to a boy but it isn't the most important for me. Much more important is to care for, to love a boy like you. I am so scared! Do you want to leave me now?" My time to take a break. Sex as a part of love? I couldn't understand it. I never had sex with a boy or a girl yet. All I knew about sex was the stuff our biology teacher had explained in school. I couldn't understand how I was part of sexual fantasies of Jack. I was a boy, not a girl! Nevertheless, I felt also something new in my body when he had touched and kissed me, it was pleasant and it felt nice. I was curious to find out more about this thing called 'sex'. "No, I won't leave you. Do you want to make love with me?" Another break. "Yes, David, I want to make love with you. But not now. And only if you want it, too. I waited for more than twenty years." He took a deep breath, then he was very firmly. "David, I love you more than my life, I would do everything for you. To know you in my house and me as your father for a while is more than I've ever hoped, it would be enough. Yes, I do feel sexually aroused if I see you, but don't be afraid, I am able to keep my self-control." "And what is if I want to make love with you?" I asked him now, I was a little bit angry. Did he believe that he was the only one who had strong feelings? "David, if you really want to do this I am ready, but please let me say it again, sex is not the most important for me. I want to care for you." "I am under age, isn't sex with me forbidden?" "Yes, it is, and if we will ever make love with each other, it would be a secret between us, an everlasting secret, otherwise I would go into prison." "Why is it forbidden?" "Because some grown ups don't respect the feeling of children, they hurt and rape them. These are the nasty guys you maybe have heard about. But I could never hurt you, David. I only want to love you." Yes, I believed him. My arm was still around his shoulder and his around mine. Now we kissed us in the dark of the park, I grabbed for his legs but he refused. "Not here and not now." he whispered. And we smiled. Back home he brought me in my room, gave me a kiss, said good-night and disappeared. Time enough for me, while I laid in the dark to think about it again. Yes, I felt more than bare friendship to Jack and yes, I had a never felt desire to make ... things with him; forbidden things, I thought. Who would make the first step? In a curious way I knew that I would be the one who had to. But how? Chapter 7 Choir's work [David's point of view] On Friday after school we drove to Mr. Santiago to come for my new suit. He was very pleased when he saw us. I thought we would get it and finished but that wasn't so easy! I had to pull out my jeans again for another fitting. I put on trousers and jacket and looked into the mirror of the cabin. I felt very nice in the new clothes, the fabric made from the hair of this funny 'Cashmere goat'! I left the cabicle and stood in socks and white T-shirt in front of Jack and Mr. Santiago. He stood up and went around me several times, pushed here the jacket and pulled there the trousers. Finally he said: "Perfect!" Jack sat all the time on the chair and looked at me with this friendly amused eyes, of whom I knew meanwhile that they say "I love you, boy!" to me. "Very nice, David, now wait for the white shirt, tie and some cuff links I want to give you for this evening, you won't recognize yourself!" He pulled out his wallet and gave Mr. Santiago a golden card. "It's nice, I feel very good in it!" I said to him because I thought I have to say something. "You have to!" Jack said laughingly, "I paid a lot of money for it!" Mr. Santiago came back with the receipt and Jack signed. "Oh, and here are the two cards for the concert for this evening you've asked for, Mr. Santiago. But more than this I like to tell you that you really did your best job yet. He's looking great!" I didn't know where Jack got two cards for him, that must have been quite difficult! Mr. Santiago was pleased and smiled from ear to ear. He bowed several times and said "Oh, thank you, Mr. Martin, that's very kind of you, thank you very much..." and so on and so on. I had a hard time not to burst out in laugh. Back at home Jack told me to take a shower and to change my clothes right now, he would do the same and didn't want to hurry. I couldn't see the necessity to shower again, but okay. I was ready with the shower when Jack came in. He only wore a white short and had a tube in his hand. "Do you like some wet gel in your hair, David? It looks cool!" I smiled and said OK. Meanwhile Jack had dragged me to the haidresser and my formerly quite long hairs were cut nearly down to my head. There Jack and me had our first quarrel, I didn't want to loose my hair but Jack insisted. "I know, you will like it, David. And it's much more easy to keep it clean!" So I agreed finally. I still had some difficulties to recognize myself in the mirror but slowly I started to like it, too. He pressed something of the clear liquid in his hand and spread it in my wet hair. Then he took a brush and combed it. He was right, it looked cool! "Well, this looks fine. Now go ahaid with you clothes, David!" he commanded. I opened the wardrobe. "Which shirt shall I take?" I yelled through the house. "The white one with the long cuffs!" he yelled back. That was funny, the shirt was wrong made, the cuffs were double in length! It hang down to my fingertips. So I went to Jack, swang with the arms and wanted to tell him that Mr. Santiago had selled some rubbish. But I was wrong again. "No, David, the cuffs are okay, it is called double cuff and you need some cuff links now. OK, wait a minute here." He took the key of the safe that was hidden behind a picture in the living room, disappeared and came back after a minute. He showed me something in an opened small red casket that looked like golden buttons. "Here, David, these are the golden cuff links of my grandfather. I want that you get them this evening." "Really? Wow, that's cool!" "It's not a gift, I lend them for this evening! Now, keep still for a second, that I can fix them. Then you'll do me the same favour with this silver ones." "Why do you take the silver ones and I get the golden?" "Very easy, because you're my gold boy, David!" he said as if he took it for granted. I was pleased about the compliment. He fiddled around at my wrists and at last he was ready and I had to do the same. I got it quite fast how to do. "Fine. You know how to bind a tie?" "Of course, I did several times!" I took the golden tie with the little horses, laid it around my neck and made my simple tie knot in it. "Awfully, David! Now let me show you how to make it correctly. He stood behind me and bind my tie with several loops and knots, I couldn't see how he did it, but finally it was perfect. He kissed my neck. I looked above my shoulder in his eyes and smiled. "Thank you!" I whispered. "You're welcome, David." he whispered back. "Now your jacket and you're ready." I put it on and looked at me in the mirror. Jack stood behind me. I saw a smart boy of twelve years, white shirt, golden cuff links, golden tie and a black suit made of Cashmere and ecspecially altered for my size. "Wow, you're looking great, David!" I smiled at his face in the mirror. "You, too!" I said to Jack and really, he wore a dark blue suit with vest and light blue shirt. He smiled, too. "That's very nice of you. Do you like your suit?" I remembered Mr. Santiago and fooled around. "Oh, yes, Mr. Martin!" I said and bowed exaggerated, "thank you very much, that's very kind of you, Mr. Martin!" Jack started to laugh and gave me a slap on the bum. "OK, six o'clock, the concert starts in an hour. Let's have a snack and then we'll start." When we arrived at the church we saw lots of well known people. Dr. Chocolate was there, Mr. Santiago with another man, some of my teachers and also formerly friends of my parents. Everybody smiled at me and wanted to shake my hands. Also Jack had to say hello to them. Some of my friends were in front of the church, too, they looked at me in my new suit and expecially my golden tie. "That's not allowed, David!" Michael said. "We'll see!" was the only answer I gave. Dr. Flachsman came. "Hey, David, you're looking great!" he said, "where did you get this fine suit?" "From Mr. Santiago over there! Jack bought it for me." "Very nice, David. And you will be pleased to know that your brother Mike is better again. He recovers quickly and I think at the end of next week he can go home. Do you miss him already?" "Yes, I do, and it's so nice at Jack! I learn riding in the moment!" "Do you? That's nice, I rode, too, when I was a boy. What kind of horse do you have, Mr. Martin?" he asked Jack who stood next to me. "It's a so called 'Oldenburger', a strong and nice gelding of 10 years. And two little ponies for company. Don't you like to pay us a visit on Sunday, Dr. Flachsman?" "Thanks for the invitation, I think I can take an hour off from the hospital on Sunday afternoon. I'm really interested to see the new home of David and Mike." "Then you're welcome, doctor. Bring your wife, too." "Unfortunately my wife died three years ago, but maybe I'll come with my daughter. She likes horses very much." "Does she ride?" "Yes, she does. She's really great." "Then she should take along her boots and riding trousers if she likes to make a ride." "I'll ask her, thank you very much." Next was Mr. Santiago who introduced the other man as his 'friend'. Everybody knew he was gay and nobody took care about. Gay or not gay, no question any more. Why couldn't I tell everybody that I love a man and that I would like to make love with him? Odd world! Everybody was friendly and smiled. I was - in another way than yesterday - upset about the concert. Such a lot of people! Jack got it and asked me what's the matter. "Stagefright." I said simply. Mr. Durbridge turned up, clapped his hands and said laoudly: "OK, boys, we'll start in ten minutes. Come on, line-up!" Jack squatted down so that I looked down into his eyes, laid both hands on my waist and said: "Good luck, David! I know you will make a good job!" And then only with his lips: "I love you!" And I did the same. "I love you, too!" I said without a word. The other boys and I went into the church and in the choir. "A new suit, David?" Mr Durbridge asked. I nodded. "Nice tie." Oops, now it would come! "I like the colour." he said ironically. "Do you want to play the hero? That's not necessary, you sing very good, David. Whose idea was that?" The other boys giggled. "There you are!" Michael whispered teasing me. I blushed but said firmly: "That's the idea of Mr. Martin and me because I have a solo part this evening." "As I said, you want to put on airs. But okay, David, I'll tolerate it this evening! To someone who has such a nice Cashmere suit we can't be angry, can we?" The boys giggled again. I pushed in Michael's side with my elbow and he pushed back. Everything all right! The church filled with people, everybody in best clothes. Mutters went thru the church, sometimes loud and then quiet again. Mr. Walter, the pastor came and said hello to us, he is a friendly man and 'always in high spirits' as he said about himself. In one hand he hold some leafs, that meant that he would like to say something before the concert. At last it was seven o'clock, the doors were closed and Mr. Walter stood in front of his congregation, he was very pleased that his church was crowded. Of course he took the chance to say some words! "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Before we will start our concert of the year, I want to remember the reason of it. It is a sad one. The boys will sing in memory of all the dead men, women and especially dead children, the innocent victims of the civil wars in the world. Coming Sunday we will have the 'day of peace'. It is a day when every weapon shall be silent. All over the world. A day when hostile men on earth don't shoot at each other. I don't expect that they invite themselves to drink tea or coffee but wouldn't it be nice if only one day in mankind's history the men don't kill each other? Peace is more than the absence of war. It is a feeling everybody has deep in his heart. Everybody has! I don't believe that the soldiers are happy if they shoot another soldier. They got the command to do so but definitely they would rather be at home at their family. Some of them, lots of them won't come back to home. Never again. They're dead. They're dead because somebody thought that the area, the lake, the bridge, the religion or whatever is his property and doesn't belong to his neighbour. You think all this is far away? It is not! Think about yourself, all you, sitting here in the church! When was the last time you begrudged the apples that fell from your tree in neighbours garden? When did you tell lies the last time about your rivals? When did you swindle the last time your customers? You think, these all are minor sins? They are not, they are the first steps to be aggressive. Who fights in mind with his opponent with words is not far away to fight in life with weapons. Don't trust your government to keep the peace. Trust yourself. If we all want to live in peace, why don't we strain some efforts to make it true? Is it worth it, the few apples, the little money, this silly glee? But if you want to live in peace with your neighbours you must learn to live in peace with yourself first! How would you ever be able to be friendly to others if you hate yourself? Believe in God, however you think about Him. He will lead you back to the right path. What you will do in bad turn to your neighbour you have done to His Son. Think about this the next time when you want to talk bad about your neighbour. Learn to love the people. This is the message we want to share with the mankind this weekend in the whole world. Learn to love. The love will come back a thousand times. Amen." "Amen!" said the congregation in unison and some of them looked embarrassed, the pastor wasn't so wrong with some of his speculations about the reservations they had. Silence followed, it was a deep expectantly silence. The grown ups used the minute to think about the words Mr Walter said, we thought about the text and the music. This was the moment, I loved most of all in a concert, more than the applause we mostly get afterwards. It was as if the world would hold it's breath for a minute, waiting ... waiting ... until the quiet noises ebbed away, until it was really quiet. Now it was so quiet that we were able to hear the tension in the air. We had created our own universe. It was filled with a lot of questions and far away was an answer, the language, the diction of music. Some people were able to understand this language, and I knew that Jack was one of this men. I opened my eyes, Mr. Durbridge smiled and pepped us up. A last take of breath, a fast movement with the baton and we started to sing. I heard the others and I knew in the same moment that we would do a great job this evening. The voices were clear and pure. Now I had my first solo part and as always when I sing I had closed my eyes and heard only at the music for my entry. I opened my eyes and looked into the faces. Some of the mothers smiled, the fathers were more serious as like most of the people. We were singing for the dead men in the world. Dead women. Dead children. The concert was like a dream, like a river, it ran through the air of the church, through the minds of the people and left the idea Mozart ment. Not only the fear of God and the hope of His salvation but also the idea that music would connect the people in the world. Love and music would save the planet. The concert was over and for a long while the people were quiet, the same situation as yesterday and the proof that we did a good job, they were impressed. The applause that came in was loud and vehement. Most of us were lucky that it was over and that we didn't make any boobs. I looked for Jack, looked for his eyes, his opinion was more important than everything else for me, yes, he smiled! At home again we were both silent, said only some words. We had pulled out our jackets and ties, had opened the first button, we sat on the sofa, Jack with closed eyes and I laid half on his chest as every evening. He had put an arm around me and I felt warm and nice. "Did you like the concert?" I asked him finally. "Yes, very much, David." he answered. Not a word too much. "More than yesterday?" "Difficult. No, I think that I liked it yesterday a little bit more than today. I could feel you yesterday more. How did you say it? 'Today I will sing for you, tomorrow for the audience.' Well, I felt this. To put it in a nutshell, you all sang better today but yesterday you've touched my soul, David." I looked up to him, smiling. That was exactly what I ment! "Let us sleep now, David. It was a hard day for you. Do you have to go to school on Saturday?" "Normally yes, but the choir has a holiday tomorrow." "Oh really? Than we will pay a visit to your brother, I have a surprise for him." "What surprise?" "Actually, it's a surprise for you, too. So I won't breathe one word!" "Come on, Jack!" I begged. "Nope, Sir!" I started to tickle him and he tickled back, we both burst of laugh but he didn't say a single word. He gave me a quick kiss on the lips and said good-night. I went into my room and closed the door. It was quite late but I wasn't tired at all. I wanted to be at Jack again, I wanted to feel his arms around me. Could I go to his bedroom? Ask him? I put off my clothes. I went very silently through the house and stood in front of his door. He was still awake, I could see the light under the door. I did some efforts to hear something, there was a very quite voice of a radio man who read the news. Jack had said that he is a boylover, that he loves boys and especially me. He had said that he would like to make love with me. I didn't know how to make love with a man or how he wanted to do with me. All I knew was that I longed to be in his arms, to feel his strong arms and that I really yearned to get a kiss from him again. Yesterday in the park I wanted to make love with him but he refused. And today? Was I allowed to ask him once again? And even if he didn't want to make love with me I wanted to be held in his arms. At last I knocked quietly and opened the door. "Jack?" "Yes, David, something wrong?" "Jack, may I sleep here in your bed with you?" He closed his eyes for a moment as if he would think about it. "Of course, David, close the door behind you and come here. You can sleep with me under my quilt, it's big enough." I slipped under his quilt and laid beside him. His skin was soft and warm. "You're cold, David!" "Yes, I stood outside and didn't dare to come in." "You didn't dare? Why not?" At first I didn't want to say. My heart throbbed up to the ears! It was almost a week ago when Jack had kissed me for the first time. Since this Sunday it had happened quite often that we kissed us. The more we did the more I liked it, it felt so nice, I wanted to feel it again and again. But there was something more. When I thought of Jack's kisses it happened often that my dick became big and stiff. I rubbed it and tried to remember his tongue in my mouth. I thought about the feeling if Jack would rub my dick, it must be wonderful. It was very confusing and I was full of fear, too. I took all my courage. Actually I wanted to ask him if he want to make love with me, but I didn't dare, so I asked him: "Do you want to kiss me, Jack?" He didn't give an answer, looked at me only. My heart beat up the neck, would he send me away? But then he bent his face over mine and kissed me. It was the same unbelievable feeling again, I felt in one second to another save and well in Jack arms, with the feeling of his lips on mine, his tongue first on my lips until our tongues touched. I hugged him, I wanted to be as near as possible to him, I kissed the man to whom I had feelings that I never had before. I was remembered of my mother, I remembered that I loved her very much, I had the same feelings for Jack, but it was a little bit different, I wanted so much all the week that Jack would kiss me, would touch me, would love me. I almost cried now about the delight I felt. I asked him if he was angry, but to my relief he wasn't. I wanted to stay in his bed, wanted to sleep with him, longed to be hugged and to be loved. So I kissed Jack again. I found out that it is possible to kiss and breath at the same time. Jack hold me tight in his arms and stroked my neck and back while we kissed, it felt so warm and nice. And I had a stiffy penis again. Suddenly I got aware that this was my dream I had in the first night in Jack's house, next morning Jack had said that the dreams in a new house will come true. Jack kissed me, and I kissed him! He was right! Now Jack had put his hand under my shorts, I could feel his fingers on my bum. That I was in Jack bed, that we kissed us again was more than I had hoped, but now I knew there was something more. There was an opportunity that he really would touch my dick, I didn't feel scared any more, I knew that Jack wouldn't give me the boots and that he always would be very lovingly with me. So I asked him if I should pull my shorts off. I still was a little bit ashamed but I didn't care any longer that he would see my stiff dick, indeed, I wanted that he would see it. So I pulled my shorts down and saw in Jack's face. His eyes had become big again, I felt that the sight of my stiff penis made him pleasure. But I wanted to see his one, too. I was so curious about a grown up stiffy dick, I never had seen one yet. Jack didn't hesitate and pulled his shorts down, too. Good heavens, it was huge! Much bigger than mine, more than the double in length and width. His balls and the skin above and around his erected penis were full of hairs, I had no hairs, not a single one! I lamented about that but Jack said to me that in three or four years my dick would be as big as his, could this be true? "Have you already had an orgasm?" he asked now. An orgasm? No, I had not. I always thought this would happen in two or three years by it's own, but I was only 12! I told Jack that I knew what it is but that I haven't had one yet. I asked about the feeling. "That's a very very nice feeling, David." He smiled. "Do you want me to show you?" Yes, I wanted to have this feeling, I knew it was part of becoming a man, and I wanted to be a man! I always heard of my other friends that it's a great feeling, but I was a little bit scared if this would happen to me this evening for the first time. Would I make it correctly? And how would Jack make me an orgasm? "Yes please, Jack! If you don't mind!" I said. He smiled again. Now he started to stroke my chest, my nipples and my belly. It tickled! This wasn't an orgasm! But then he kissed me again and took at the same time my hard penis in his hand. As he closed his fingers around it I had a very nice feeling, his hand was firm and warm. And now he started to move his hand, my God, that felt wonderful! Better than everything I had. This must be the orgasm, I thought and told Jack also. Jack laughed and said no, this wasn't already an orgasm but it would lead to one! I couldn't believe that anything would feel better than this! "Do you think I can already get one?" I asked him. And Jack said that we would know shortly and called me a cute boy. I felt so well in his arms with his hand around my penis! I asked him if I would be a man after the orgasm. "Not completely, David, but it's a far step. Do you want me to take your penis in my mouth?" My penis in his mouth? Why? Did he want to bite me? No, he wouldn't, he smiled so nice at me. Then I remembered Mark; he told me once - giggling all the time - that he had seen in a movie that a woman had taken the penis of a man in her mouth, it was a "blow job". But that's gross! Why has she done it? Why Jack wanted to do that? "Would you really do this, Jack? I don't know." Perhaps it would hurt? But Jack never would hurt me! "OK, let me give you a try of it. Shall I?" "Okay." I said and was ready that something strange would happen now. But first Jack started to suck at my nipples as if I was a girl, I felt his tongue on them and it felt nice. Then he licked my navel and finally all the skin above my penis. All this felt nice, I relaxed, I knew that he wouldn't do any harm. At last he had my balls in his hand and took my penis in his mouth. First I only felt something hot and wet around the top of my dick but a second later I had such a nice feeling that I had to moan. Goood, that felt nice! Now he began to suck at my dick and the sensation became bigger, I felt his tongue around my glans and at the same time he sucked at it. The feeling became stronger and stronger, I nearly cried now about the lovely feelings I had. As if a fire started in my dick, it burned around my groin. Finally my whole hip stood in flames, and then, suddenly, something broke inside me, I felt that something contracted in my body, I thought I must die now but then I had the most intensive feeling I ever had in my life. I felt something burning out of my penis into Jack mouth, it was similar as if I would pee, but it came in three or four short shots in the rhythm of my heartbeat. Oh God, that felt good! And I knew in the same moment that this was the orgasm Jack talked about. And Jack confirmed me the same. I have had my first orgasm in my life! And I wanted it to do again. And again and again ... I closed my eyes. Jack said something that I didn't understand any more, I fell asleep. I believed that Jack moaned, that something wet was on my body, he gave me another kiss and embraced me. I thought I would feel his hands on my chest and I knew that I felt save and secure in his arms. [Jack's point of view] "Do you like to kiss me, Jack?" he asked now. My heart was already beating with this almost nude dream boy laying under the same quilt with me. Now it missed one or two beats. Was this a dream? I pinched my leg so strong that I groaned. David laid to my left side, now I bent above his face and gave him a short but very affectionate kiss on his lips. As if I had pushed a button David was above me, I felt the bare skin of his body on my chest, he tied his arms around my head and kissed me wild. His tongue was in my mouth! "Good gracious, David, not so fast! Come down!" He had tears in his eyes. "I wanted it so much, but I was also scared to do it. Are you angry?" Angry about a kiss attack from a 12 years old boy? I dreamt of it for the last 20 years! "No, David, I'm not angry, I'm pleased. You can kiss well!" He smiled. "But don't hurry, there's time enough!" This time he was very patient, he kissed me tenderly on my lips and I felt his tongue on mine and finally on my tongue, too. We played with them in our mouths, sometimes more in his, sometimes more in mine. And David had learned that he can kiss and breath at the same time! So our kiss was a never ending story. I had my arms tied around his back, now my left hand caressed his neck, while I stroked with the right slowly down his spine until I felt the fabric of his shorts. David caressed my neck and my shoulders while we kissed. Sometimes I opened my eyes, but his were always closed. Very softly I put my fingers under his shorts and kissed him a little bit more intensive. For a short moment I felt the skin of his bum. David stopped kissing and rolled down from me. To my relief he didn't look scared but he smiled! "Shall I pull off my shorts?" he asked. "If you like to, David." I couldn't prevent that my voice shivered. He pulled the quilt down; under the fabric of his shorts I could see a bulge. Under mine was one, too, by the way. "It's stiff!" he said and giggled. "Don't worry, mine too!" I said and gave him a quick kiss. Slowly, very slowly he pulled his shorts down, the bulge in his shorts became bigger, he bend his penis down! Finally it popped back and landed with a silent smack on his skin. David blushed and giggled. "Now you!" he commanded. And I did the same as David, also very very slow, and also my shorts bend my dick down. Finally we laid both completely nude in my bed, a boy and a man, both with rock hard penises. "Wow!", David said, "It's huge!" Actually my dick was quite normal, I had seen much bigger ones in the Internet! "Not bigger than you will have in three or four years, David. I like yours very much." And in deed his pecker was fantastic, it had the thickness of my thumb and the length of the forefinger. I couldn't see a single hair, not even a first sight of a down. His penis was lightly bent, the foreskin didn't cover his glans. I longed to touch it and take it in my mouth, I was curious about the taste! "Have you already had an orgasm?" I asked David now. "No, I know what it is, we've got it explained in school, it's when the semen comes out the penis. How does it feel?" "That's a very very nice feeling, David. Do you want me to show you?" "Yes please, Jack! If you don't mind!" If I don't mind? This boy wanted to play sexual games with me, I was in heaven! I never had real sex with a boy so far, but I had done it in my dreams for hundred, for thousand times! My wildest dreams came true. Not a single second I thought it wasn't correct, moral reprehensible or such stuff. Here were a boy and a man, both had deep feelings for each other. What we did was what we both longed for to do. Now I started to caress his chest, his belly and his thigh in small circles. David giggled from time to time, complaining that it tickles. His young skin was warm and firm, it felt wonderful under my searching fingers. At last I kissed him and took his firm slender penis in my right hand. David moaned in pleasure as I started to stroke it very slowly up and down. "That feels nice what you do, Jack. Is this already the orgasm?" "Of course not, silly, but it leads to one!" "Do you think I can already get one?" He closed his eyes in pleasure. "We will know shortly, cute David!" "And am I a man if I will have one?" I grinned. "Not completely, David, but it's a far step. Do you want me to take your penis in my mouth?" "Would you really do this, Jack? I don't know." "OK, let me give you a try of it. Shall I?" He looked a little bit disgusted but finally he said "Okay." What did my old friend Ben always say? Don't think too much, just do it! I moved my head down his chest, - didn't forget to suck at each nipple, David moaned again - and down to his belly until this 12 years old boy penis was only a few centimetres away. I touched the skin under the navel with my lips, I kissed and licked it. I had to bend his penis a little bit down, it was so tight! David had laid his hand on my head and stroked through my hair. Finally I hold the basis of his pecker and his hairless ballsack and took the glans of his penis into my mouth. First I touched the piss-slit with my tongue, I tasted a drop of clear liquid. Then I closed my mouth around his dick and started to suck very smooth. And suddenly I got aware what I was doing. Now I did what I dreamt about since more than twenty years. Often I thought that my dreams never would come true, that I will die in the firm persuasion to have missed something of the most wonderful things in the world. I layed nude in my bed with a nude 12 yo boy and made love with him. All I wanted to do was to make him feeling better than everything he felt in his young life. I sucked stronger, tasting his pre-cum, young and salty. David jerked back and moaned loudly. "Oooohhh, Jack, that feels so good. Oh, please, don't stop... Ooohhh, shit!" He jerked again, another time and then the first orgasm of this boys' life squirted in my mouth. It were only a few drops but it was his first ejaculation! It tasted full of youth, I liked it at once! "Congratulation, David!" I said smiling and looked into his eyes, "this was your first orgasm!" He had tears in his eyes. "Oh really, it felt sooo good. Can I do it again?" "Normally men have to wait for a few minutes to do it again. I'm 34 years old and I can do it only two times, maybe three a day, you're twelve and you are able to do it ten or twelve times a day one after the other. But don't hurry." David had closed his eyes and whispered: "It felt so good!" And then he fell asleep! From one minute to another. Surely I was disappointed, my own dick was near to explode! I haven't really expected that David would also suck at my dick, nevertheless I had hoped that he would! Now I started to stroke it and it took only a minute or two with the sight of this slender nude boy beside me that I got one of the strongest orgasm I ever had in my life. I squirted my load all above the belly and penis of David, the sight of the white stuff on his skin turned me on more that I had an "extra package" left. It almost hurt so strong was it! Breathless I laid beside of David, my eyelids became heavy, too. But first I had to wipe off the mess I made. I took a handkerchief and mopped up all my semen from David's skin. He grunted but didn't awake. Now I covered us both together with one quilt and turned the light off. David rolled on his side. I laid behind him, our skin touched. I tied my arms around, laid my hands on his chest and he put his hands onto mine. I gave him a kiss on his neck. Breathing the boyish smell of sweat and his hairs, I fell asleep. I had a sensational dream; something hot and wet was around my glans. I hoped this dream would last for long time, because it felt better than everything I had in my life. In my dream I opened my eyes and saw David sucking my dick. I closed my eyes again and said something like "Oh, yes, David, that feels so good! Go ahead!" Then I heard him giggling and I opened my eyes again, he had the basis of my dick in his small hand and dangled it around. And suddenly I got aware that this is not a dream, I was awake! Could this be? Could this be reality? I took my left hand and laid it on his hair, it felt like his hair, now he looked at me and said quietly: "I was curious about the taste, I hope you don't mind?" I was wide awake immediately. "Turn around, I want to return the favour!" I said smiling. I glided a little deeper on the bed that David had room for his legs, now we were in a perfect 69-position but we were both lying on the side. David had an erection and without thinking too long I took his young dick into my mouth and started to suck. Same did David with mine! David was of course still inexperienced, damned, so was I! I never sucked in real at a 12 year old boys penis before this night but I had done for thousand times in my fantasy! For David it was all new, to be loved by a man, to make love with him. Sometimes I felt his teeth on my glans and I winced back, he got the message fast! Differently from him I had no difficulties to take the full length of his pecker in my mouth, now his glans was deep on my tongue and while I surrounded it with my tongue I sucked hardly. My hands were on his buttock and caressed them. David moaned in pleasure and tried to do the same, but my dick was too big, all he was able to manage at one time was the glans and a little bit more. He compensated it more than nice, now he circled his tongue around my glans, he was perfect! I felt his orgasm coming, his whole body stiffened and then a load of young boy semen squirted into my mouth, one time, another and another! Now I came, too, and David had still his mouth around my penis, sucked wild at it. Again my own orgasm was so hard that it almost ached. I closed my eyes. I swallowed the most part of his semen, released his still hard dick out of my mouth and moaned in pleasure as David did, too. Now he turned around, hugged and kissed me. I could taste my semen on his tongue. "Oh, thank you Jack, this was so great. I never felt such wild. It was ... cool!" David was looking for words. I kissed him again. "You're welcome, David, also I never felt so good. I never did in real yet. You're so great!" "Can we do this again?" I smiled, this boy was insatiable! "David, I'm an old man and I can't have an orgasm every hour as you can! Let me sleep and we will see what we can do in the morning!" "Okay!" he said disappointed with a sigh, "let us sleep again. Now I want to hold you in my arms. The last time I could feel your hard dick at my bum all the time, that's why I couldn't sleep!" "I'm so sorry!", I said smiling. "Never mind, now turn around on the other side!" I laid on my right side and yes, David hugged me from the back as I did the last time. His small hands were on my chest and caressed my nipples. Now I could feel his still hard dick somewhere on my back. It felt nice and made me proud to be craved by a young boy. So I fell asleep. I woke up of the morning sun, it shone warm through the blue curtains of the bedroom onto my face. I opened my eyes and saw David half lying above me, nude, his left arm around my bare chest, his left leg on my waist. He was still sleeping, he had put his head on the right arm and breathed deep and slowly. I looked into his beautiful face and felt the love from the bottom of my heart for this boy. At this morning I couldn't believe that it really happened last night, I dreamt of it for the first moment, since he came in my garden for the first time to offer with a shy and soft voice a newspaper to me. Was this really only seven days ago? I had yearned to hold this boy in my arms, to wake up with him in my bed of the morning sun ... I was the luckiest man on earth this Saturday. I moved carefully, because I had to go for the bathroom, but when I took his arm from my body he blinked and woke up. He saw into my face and smiled at me. "Good morning, my boy" I said softly and smiled too. I gave him a kiss on the lips. "If you still want to sleep, do so. I have to tend the horses and then I'll come back." David muttered something like agreement, closed his eyes again and hugged his pillow, so I got up and under the shower. I had just put some hair shampoo on my hand when the shower cubicle was opened and a nude boy stood out there. "Perhaps we can save some water?" David asked with a cheeky smile on his face. "Sure", I replied, "Come in and turn around". So I used the shampoo for his hair, which was so blond as the wheat outside. First I washed only his hair and paid attention that he wouldn't get any soap into the eyes. As I reached his neck he groaned in contentment. So I massaged his back and shoulders. Then I got more soap and washed his waist ... I got deeper and deeper, finally I hold his bum with my both hands and made little circles on it. My thumbs went deep into his crack. David breathed deeply. I kissed on his back, he turned around his head and smiled. "I think my chest is very dirty, too!" said this little shithead but he wouldn't need to tell me twice, so I went on with my "efforts" to wash this boy from head to toe. I washed his brown hard nipples, he put his hands behind the head, so I washed his hairless armpits. Meanwhile both of us had a rock hard erection, David's penis stood proudly upright, his glans touched almost the hairless skin above. I kissed him on the mouth, knelt down, all soap was gone, the hot water poured about our bodies. His penis was only some centimetres away and bobbed slightly in the rhythm of his heard. I kissed the shaft and licked it. "Please do it!" David said now softly, he had laid his hands on my head. I couldn't resist any more and took this little rockhard penis into my mouth and sucked at it. David moaned in pleasure. I swirled around his glans with my tongue. "Oh, Jack, I gotta come!" God, this boy came within seconds, but for ten times an hour! I sucked a little bit more, I wanted the taste of his juice on my tongue again. He moved convulsively, pushed his penis into my mouth and started to squirt his semen out of this 12 year old penis into my mouth. David moaned loudly, shouted my name. Oh, I loved it, it was the taste of love and youth. Now my own meat was near to explode and David didn't hesitate to return the favour. He took my penis into his mouth, I felt his hot tongue around the glans and he moved his whole head up and down. Oh, he had learned fast last night. Now his tongue was in the piss slit, now under the glans, his small hands massaged my bum. "David, I'm coming soon! I mean it! Oooooohh!" He sucked hardly and it didn't take too long that I came into his mouth, too. Again and again I fired my wad and David took it all, swallowed it, begged for more... Now we kissed us again, tasted a little bit of our own semen on each other tongues. There we stood, a man and a boy, both out of breath, embracing us under a hot shower. "Hungry?" I asked him lovingly. "Always!" he replied "but now for breakfast!" and he smiled. "Will we do this now every morning?" he asked. Chapter 8 A sex picnic [David's point of view] Was it really possible that my body was able to have such unbelievable affections? I still couldn't believe it! Yes, I had caressed myself, I had touched my penis in the morning when it was stiff, but this sensational feeling when Jack had taken my dick in his mouth and sucked at it and finally this indescribable emotion of an orgasm! Three ones I have had yet, and I was curious how many I would be able to have. I asked Jack, he laughed and said that I wouldn't be able to count them! Could this be true? Hundreds and thousands and millions of orgasms? We stood both nude in front of the mirror and brushed the teeth. "Well... ", Jack said with a toothbrush in the mouth, "... millions?" See, now he backed down! He rinsed his mouth with water and smiled. "OK, let's have a short calculation: Normally every boy and man has each day an orgasm, perhaps even two or three ones, either by his own or with his partner, let's say 350 ones each year. Now you're 12 years old and there's no indication that you can't get them until you're 80 years old, so that's ... about 24,000 orgasms at least you can have in your life!" 24,000? And I had only three yet! Cool! "What about the fourth one, Jack?" I begged. I had got a stiffy again and I didn't feel embarrassed any more that Jack could see it. He moaned. "David, we have to wait a few hours, or I'll die of sexual exhaustion!" He bend down and gave me a kiss on the lips. "And you will see that the orgasms after noon are the best ones!" he whispered mysteriously. He took my penis in his hand and kissed the glans. "But not now, cute boy! Anticipation is the best pleasure." Now I couldn't be disappointed any more. I looked forward to noon! It was my time to kiss Jack. "Thank you." I said quietly. "For what?" "For the loving care." He smiled again. "Thank you for being my boy, David." "As long and as often you want to." I smiled back. We kissed again, and the kiss took longer than the last, it became a passionated one, we both had stiffies again and our dicks touched each other. Jack torn away. "Not now. Later!" he said firmly. "You're a bore!" I said funny. "What I am?" he asked in acted anger. "A terrible bore!" I shouted and squeaked as he slapped my back. I ran nude out of the bathroom, through the whole house and upstairs. I opened the wardrobe and took some clothes out of it, jeans, black T-shirt. I opened the window and looked outside, the sky was blue and the sun shone friendly. I breathed deeply and felt the fresh air in my body. The day was like laundered. Saturday, no school, Mike was fine again and I had in prospect to make love with the man I loved soon again. Could it be better? Yes, it could be! We sat at breakfast when we suddenly heard a horn from the driveway. "That's for you!" Jack said and smiled. I looked at him questioning. "Now, go ahead, or Mr. Lawrence will leave again!" He didn't budge but I was outside with two steps! Yes, it was true, there was Mr. Lawrence and he just opened the doors of the van. "Good morning, David!" he said, "do you have birthday today?" "No I haven't. Why?" "Oh, I thought so. Now lend me a hand!" That couldn't be true! This was my bicycle in the van, the blue 'Kettler' I saved for since two years! "Is that for me?" I shouted. "Well, let's have a look at the delivery note!" Mr. Lawrence said busy. "Here's said: Two 'Kettler'-bicycles, a blue one for grown ups and a red one for children for David and Mike Peterson, c/o Jack Martin, `Berkeley farm'. Are you David Peterson?" "Of course I am!" "And your brother's name is 'Mike'?" "Yes!!" "Then I should be right here, or isn't this the house of Mr. Martin?" Now I got it, he made a fool out of me! But anyway, there was no holding any more, I got the bicycle, swung myself on the saddle and raged off! Behind me I heard Mr. Lawrence laughing and in the opened door of the terrace I could see Jack. He smiled and waved at me. I was on the road and stepped into the pedals, faster and faster, fast as the wind! On the paddock all horses galloped with me beside of the street. But after a hundred meters they had to stop because of the fence and I was able to tear down all the street! I was the luckiest boy on earth and I couldn't hold back, I started to sing. So I drove through the landscape, cycling and singing at the same time. After an hour I came back and rushed into the house. I found Jack in the living room, ran into his arms and embraced him as strong as I could. "Thank you!" "You're welcome." "When did you order it?" "On Tuesday. I promised Mike a red bicycle that he gets well soon again. And if he gets a bicycle you must have one, too, I thought." I kissed him. "Thanks again." "You have to work for it!" he said smiling. "I will! Every work you want, especially in your bedroom!" He became serious. "No, David, that's not funny. You're not a whore who must be paid for love services, that was and will never be my intention. We had sex last night and in the morning and it was wonderful with you. Anyway, I have deep doubts if we did correctly, I want to care for you and now we made love with each other. If somebody finds out you will go into a hostel and I into prison. Do you know what the other guys will do with me I they find out that I have raped a child?" "You didn't rape me, it was my decision to come into your bedroom!" I said angry. "That wouldn't make a difference. You're under age and I had sex with you. This is forbidden by law." He made a break. "But even if I had to go into clink, your love is it worth it. And the last night in special, I will never forget this in my life!" Suddenly I was on the edge of crying. "Will we ever make love again? I want it so much!" "As long as nobody is told and I mean nobody, no friend of us, not Mike, not Maria or Clarissa, not to anyone, we can do it again and again. I don't like this hidden love, David, but there's no other way in these days. I long for it as much as you!" "Really?" "Are you kidding? David, I love you! I better have to ask you if you want sex with an old man like me." "Yes, I want to make love with you. As often as possible!" And it was true, I loved this man, I loved the affectionate hands of him, I loved to suck at his dick and to taste his cum and most of all to be sucked. The only thought of it made my dick hard. He kissed me. "My dick is hard!" I said quietly. "Mine, too." His warm hand was under my shirt, he stroked the bare skin of my waist. I touched the bulge in his trousers but he winced back. "For what do we wait?" "For noon!" Damned, he was strict! "You'll see, I have found a wonderful place in the deep forest, nobody can see us there. There we will ride on Patric and can stay all afternoon, we can pull out our clothes and lay in the sun, and if you like we can make love all the time. Also we will take along something to eat if we become hungry. I would call it 'sex picnic'. What do you think?" "Cool!" I hardly could wait for this adventure! Laying nude in the sun and maybe be sucked ... wow! But first we had to visit Mike, we put the little bicycle in the Range Rover because Jack said he had promised to bring him today. "I don't know if he remembers because he was in the intensive care unit when I promised, but anyway, it is a good reason for him to become healthy soon." "You're so nice to us, Jack!" "I have to, I promised!" he said smiling. Mike was really pleased about the bicycle, most of all he wanted to start cycling at once but he was still too weak to get up. He became small in the last week I thought, small and thin. Meanwhile Maria and Clarissa paid a visit to him every day, too. She just arrived when we wanted to go. Clarissa and Mike got along with each other very best, Clarissa did as if Mike was her little brother and Mike had already made a picture for her! We asked Dr. Chocolate when Mike could get out of hospital and he said that he must stay for another week here, he's still to weak to get out of bed. He was also pleased about the bicycle for Mike and that Jack had kept his promise. "Does the offer still stands for tomorrow?" he asked Jack. "Of course, what about your daughter, will she come, too?" "Yes, especially because she has the chance to ride. She rides very good and shall get her first horse soon." "I have some good addresses to buy horses, Dr. Flachsman." "OK, I see David is very impatient about something. I think he wants to ride on his bicycle or something. Good bye, tomorrow three o'clock, is that all right?" "That'd be nice, doctor. Good bye." '...or something' had the doctor said. Yes, in deed I wanted to ride with Jack in this forest he had told me and make love with him! "Hurry up, Jack! It's urgent!" Jack laughed. "You little shithead! But first we have to drive home, get some stuff, saddle Patric and ride to the forest. You have to wait another hour I'm afraid." Two hours later we were in the middle of the large forest. First we had put Patric into the trailer and drove 20 kilometres. "Too far away to ride all the way!" Jack said. I sat behind him, had tight my arms around him and tried not to fall down. We came to a path which was quite overgrown. We dismounted and parted the twigs. "I found this place by pure chance or better Patric found! He was thirsty and smelled some water. So I let him find his own way. Well, here we are. Isn't this fantastic?" After we had followed the path for some dozen metres we arrived in a large clearing. It was a wonderful meadow with thousands of colourful flowers. Also a little brook ran through the clearing, the sun glossed warm and the birds sang, it was like a paradise! Nobody could see this place, the forest was already deserted but this place was really secluded. No wonder that Jack thought to make a special picnic here! "Oh, it's so great, Jack. But damned, I'm hungry now!" In deed I have had only a half breakfast and now it was past noon. "Let's have a snack!" We spread a large bath towel and pulled the snacks out of the bag Jack has had above his shoulder. Wow, fried chicken, bread, salad and so on. "Did you make this all?" I asked him. "No, Maria did, I told her yesterday that I would like to have a picnic with you." "Thank you, Maria!" I shouted. "What to drink?" "You'll get some soda water and for me here's a bottle of wine." We started to eat and after I begged for some wine Jack gave a sip in my soda water. We had pulled out our shoes. Patric grazed on the meadow, now he came to our picnic and sniffed at our meal. I held a leg of the chicken in front of his nose but he wanted some bread. After a while Patric went away again, stood in the sun and dozed. His dick came out of the sheath, became longer and longer, it hung almost down to the grass. This reminded me to the second part of our picnic. I looked to Jack, he laid on his back with a blade of grass in the mouth, had put his hands behind the head, the eyes closed and breathed deeply. I took off all my clothes quickly and stark naked as I was I went through the grass to Patric. I caressed him and his coat felt well under my hands. I bent down and looked at his penis. It looked similar as mine or Jack's one, but of course it was much bigger. I touched it carefully and Patric turned his head to look at me. I started to rub it. Suddenly I was aware that I got a stiffy! I laid my hand under his glans and pulled his penis up to my nose. It smelled strong of hay and sweat. I touched his glans with my tongue and the sexual state of arousal I felt became stronger. I released his dick again and it fell down on my bare skin. I hugged it carefully and the feeling was funny and exciting. Patric's dick and my own one touched, it felt good! "Unfortunately he's a gelding, he can't get an orgasm any more." I heard a silent voice suddenly behind me. I turned around and saw Jack as nude as me, I looked down to his hip, he had a big erection. "Oh, David, this is one of my sexual fantasies that a young boy plays nude with a horse dick, and now you are the one!" "I like it!" I said smiling, "Why can't he get an orgasm any more?" "Look behind his penis, his balls were cut off when he was one year old. We do this with stallions that they don't become too rude. Can you imagine that in old days men did the same with human boys?" "That's gross! Why?" "Because the boys should keep their high voices. They did it especially with cute choir boys, David, so I thought to do the same with y..." I pushed him into the grass and was above him! He laughed! I drummed on his chest and he laughed again, now I had to laugh, too. We looked in the eyes of each other and now I bend down and kissed him on his lips. He hugged me, pressed my body onto his one and kissed me wild. I started to move my hip and I felt our dicks touching. We both moaned in pleasure. Now I rolled on my back, laid my arms behind the neck and spread my legs. "You can do everything with me. Will you?" I asked him. "Well, if you insist..." He started to kiss and lick my body, my earlobes, my lips, the nipples, the armpits, the navel, even my toes and feet but not my dick. I begged him now: "Please suck my dick, Jack, take it in your mouth!" But he again took his time, kissed and licked the hairless skin above my hard penis, at last he licked my ballsack and the skin below. I was hard at an orgasm and finally he took my penis in his mouth, all the ten centimetres and closed the lips around it. Suddenly I felt his hot wet tongue around my glans and he started to suck gently. The same unbelievable sensation again and it took only a few seconds that my semen squirted out of the penis, I waited all the morning for it! This was my fourth orgasm and each one felt better and better. I had the feeling that it became more stuff, too. Quickly I got the message that the more I was able to give the higher was the pleasure I felt. God, this felt good ...! Jack kissed and smiled at me. "You liked that?" "I never felt better in my life!" I said honestly. "Now let me return the pleasure! What would you like?" "Anything you like, too, dear David." "Let me sit on your dick, you liked that very much, I think." "You're right, especially because I like the idea to fuck you." "Fuck me? What do you mean?" "If a man wants to fuck another boy or man he puts his dick in the anus of the other. I never did it, but I think it must be painful for a boy." "Let's have a try!" "Really?" "Yes, if it becomes too painful, we'll stop." In fact I liked the idea of Jack's penis in my bum, too. I often put my finger in it and it felt good. "We need something to make it slippery!" "Humm, let's try with the oil of the salad!" Jack said. We were both too aroused to think about it twice. So I went to the towel where we had our picnic and took some of the salad oil in my hands. Jack looked at me. "You're so cute, David!" I smiled at him. Now I was back and smeared his stiff penis with the oil. He moaned while I did. "Oh, be careful, David, or I'll come right now!" I giggled. "And now?" I asked. "Smear your bum and the hole, too, then sit down on my chest!" I did and put also a finger in it, no problem. Then I sat down on his hairless chest, my dick was stiffy again and only a few centimetres from his mouth away. He bent his head and got it in his mouth. I pushed a few time back and fore while he sucked my dick, a fantastic feeling! I had to remember that in the right moment. But now I wanted to give Jack some pleasure! Slowly I glided down his chest, my legs were spread, now I was on my knees and grabbed for Jack dick behind me. I got it, it felt big in my hands and I glided deeper until I felt the top of his dick touching my anus. He winced back. "Do you really want to do this?" he asked again. "I want to feel you inside me!" "Okay, David, relax, don't tense your muscles!" I bent down to give him a kiss and at the same time I tried to let his dick enter my body, first my muscles were too flexed then I relaxed and it glided through my sphincter quite easy. Jack moaned. I felt a little pain, but it wasn't too bad. "Oh, David, this feels so good!" I sat on his penis now and tried to get it deeper in my body. Sometimes it was painful but the more I relaxed the easier it was for me. After some minutes is sat on his belly, all his penis inside me. I could feel it deep inside and it felt good. Jack hands were around my waist and he moaned. "What now?" I asked. "Oh, David, this feels so good, I can't describe it. Try to move up and down!" I did and he moaned louder. "Oh, David, you don't believe it, this is great! Not so fast!" I also liked the feeling of his dick in my bum, it touched something inside me and it was a pleasure. Finally he put his hands on my back and grabbed for my neck, bend me down to his lips, he kissed me hard and at the same time I felt him coming in my bum, again and again and again. "This is 'fucking'?" I asked breathless. We laid side by side in the grass on the back, the eyes closed, the arms tied around each other's neck and shoulders. "It's amazing. You have to try that on you own, David!" "Sure, as soon as possible!" "Give me a break, David! I fucked a boy for the first time in my life and I want to relish the feelings I have now. Meanwhile I'll show you how you can give yourself a wank." He laid behind me like yesterday night, put his arms around me, with the left hand he caressed my chest with the right one he took my penis which was still stiff and moved the skin slowly up and down. That felt nice! "Try it on your own!" he said. I took my little penis in the right hand and moved in the same way as Jack did. It felt also nice but not in the same way when Jack did. "If you do it it feels better!" I moved my fist faster. "Thanks for the compliment. Oops, not too fast, dear David, you want to give yourself pleasure, not pain. And please don't wank too often 'cause I'd like to taste your cum." He had his hands all above my body while I 'wanked'. And again it didn't take too long that I got an orgasm. A grand feeling but not so fantastic as when Jack had sucked at it and I came into his mouth. Some of my semen dropped on his hand, now he licked at it. "Your semen tastes so young and full of life. I really begin to enjoy it!" he said. We laid dozing in the grass, caressed each other and felt nice. I wanted to stay forever in this forest, forever with Jack, make love with him, sometimes eating and drinking, then kiss and love him again. "Can't we live forever here in this forest?" I asked him. "That's a nice idea. We build a small cabin and if we're hungry we catch a fish or a deer. Unfortunately I have no gun, so we have to catch it with our hands." "We can build bow and arrow!" "Yup, but we have to find some flints to make fire, too." "You're the breadwinner of us, I'll make the fire and cook. And we can make love all the time!" "Humm, perhaps you like to make love with a girl some day?" "Never, I always love you, Jack!" And that was true, I never want to make love with a girl, I couldn't imagine that it would be better than with Jack. Yes, indeed, now he bend his face over mine and kissed me affectionate. "You make me very lucky, David." "You too, Jack. Please never leave me and Mike." "I won't. It's a promise." he whispered. Jack kept his promises, I knew. I felt his lips on my neck again. I took his hands and laid them on my chest and belly. And with a loving affection I fell asleep in his arms. Chapter 9 Trouble (Three months later) [David's point of view] Two weeks after I've moved to Jack's house and still no message or sign of my father we went to the police and reported him as a missing person. I still thought he's somewhere at his friends, drunken, unable to remember his name or address. I wasn't upset, sometimes I even hoped to see him never again. Our old house was confiscated by the bank after Dad had not paid the installments since six months. Now the welfare department had renovated the rooms and foreign people lived there. I did not care about, Mike and me lived happy and satisfied in the `Berkeley farm'. After my brother came out of hospital and came to us I was afraid that Jack would love me only "for half" any more, but if it was even possible he doubled his love and took loving care for me and Mike. Except of our sex games we played almost every night. After Mike was in his bed Jack and me went into his bedroom, closed the curtains and undressed us mutually. I know that he craved for me and also I longed for his loving hands and his tongue all about my body. After we made love we slept exhausted in each others arms and sometimes in the morning I went into my own bedroom. I loved this hour to be alone, knowing a man at the other end of the house who dreamt of me. Everything was perfect and if somebody asked me I told that we felt great with our new Dad. It seems that it would last forever when suddenly a letter of our Dad, our "real" Dad was in the box. I hide it from my brother and Jack and opened it with shivering fingers. Dear David, I'm somewhere in the south of the country and I'm well. In the last three months I was in a hospital for alcoholics and I'm in the best mood to get it: to become dry. I didn't drink since three months and it was very hard for me. I know where you are and that you're well with Mr. Martin. I found his message in our kitchen but I haven't had the courage to reply. I wanted to do when I am totally healthy again, but then the police appeared here. They were looking for me because you reported me as missed. Now I have to break the silence. Dear David, I want to be your father for you and Mike again. I know what I've done the last years and I feel deeply sorry about that. Please forgive me. I want you and Mike here in the city when I'm cured and found a job. Don't forget that I'm your real father and that I never gave my permission for the guardianship of Mr. Martin. Please don't tell Mike or Mr. Martin of this letter. I will be in touch as soon as I'm established here and can live a normal life again. Love, Dad. This letter was a shock for me. I really thought that I would never hear again from him, that he was maybe dead. Now I knew him somewhere in the south and that he wanted us both back. Suddenly I felt happy knowing him alive and healthy, I couldn't prevent it. He was right, he was our real Dad. On the other side I never could disappoint Jack and leave him again, he did so much for us and still does! What could I do now? A shadow fell down on my life. I became ill. I was quiet and didn't come to Jack's bedroom any more. Of course he asked me what's the matter and if he had done something wrong. I only said that everything is all right and that he shouldn't worry about. But I knew that he wasn't satisfied with my replies and I felt his pain. The more he insisted the less I was able to say. And some day I didn't say a single word any more. But this was only my cover, I longed to be hugged again and to make love with Jack, I starved to be loved. I cried of pain. What should I do, I couldn't tell Jack about the letter from Dad, it would hurt him too much. On the other side I saw that I hurt him with my silence more than everything else. I cried for help and nobody could hear me. My rescue came finally from another side, from Dr. Flachsman who made a few visits since the last weeks. I wasn't able to say a word to him and outside from my door I heard his and Jack's voice talking silently about me. I heard that Jack was really worried and one time at the verge of tears. I heard Dr. Chocolates voice that it is quite normal for boys of my age to be odd sometimes. But after several weeks he became worried, too. [Jack's point of view] I waited the whole evening for a call of Dr. Flachsman. Nothing. He had took David into hospital "to make some tests" as he said and try to make him talking again. I was very nervous and walked through the house, took a book and tried to read, but after a few paragraphs I knew that I only read the words but didn't understand them. Then somebody knocked at the door. I rushed to the entrance and opened. Dr. Flachsman stood out there, alone. He had a serious look and waited for me to ask him in. "Where's David?" I asked him worried, more than alarmed. "In the hospital. He sleeps since he got something to help him sleep. I had a long talk with him and now I want to talk with you, Mr. Martin." My back became ice-cold. Why was he so serious? I offered a seat and looked inquiring at him. "Where's Mike?" he asked. "In his bedroom. He sleeps." "Fine. Mr. Martin, I found out some things this evening and I have to tell you about, until ... I'm able to make a decision." He made a meaningful break. "Mr. Martin, the Dad of David and Mike is alive. Mr. Peterson is somewhere in the south and makes a cure to get rid of his alcoholism. David received a letter from him a few weeks ago. Mr. Peterson wants his sons back to live with them. And now David didn't know what to do. He didn't dare to tell you because he doesn't want to hurt or leave you. On the other side he still loves his father and thinks he has to obey if his father calls him to move." I jumped up while Dr. Flachsman talked and tried to get the message. This was all? This was David's trouble at all? I couldn't believe it! I always thought that he didn't love me any more and I racked my brain but wasn't able to find a reason. Now everything would become well again. I sighed in relief. I didn't know what to do yet but together we would find a solution. "But I found out something more this evening, Mr. Martin." And his voice became quiet, almost depressed. "David told me too, that you both have a sexual relationship, almost from the beginning of his stay here in your house. He also said that you never did any harm to him and that he was the one who lead off. Nevertheless you have abused a boy you had to take care about, it seems that you only looked for some boys to fulfil your pedophile interests." He spoke in a steady tone, that was the worst of all. I felt his disappointment, I have had his trust and suddenly he had to find out that I'm nothing more than an ugly kinderficker. My mouth was dry and my heart didn't know what to do, to stop now and immediately or to beat for 200 steps a minute. I felt the blood in my ears and I saw my fingers shivering. "Yes." was all I was able to say. "Could you please try to explain?" he asked now, not unfriendly. That was a difference, every other man would have called the cops at once, Dr. Flachsman waited for my statement to call the cops afterwards. I stood up to fetch a drink, knowing that it wouldn't make it easier for me. "Yes," I repeated, "you're right, David and I had sex with each other. Indeed I never did any harm to him but this isn't an excuse. I am a boylover and I used this boy for my sexual penchants." Dr. Flachsman looked in my eyes and for some reasons I was able to stand up his look. "Thank you, Mr. Martin, I know this was hard for you." Suddenly we heard the handle. In this moment Mike appeared, he stood in the door, rubbed his eyes and cried silently. "Mike?! What happened?" was my first reaction without thinking of Dr. Flachsman's presence. "I had a nightmare, I'm scared!" he said silently and came to me, crying. I embraced him and tried to reassure him again. He had laid his arms around me and clung to my back firmly. His face was in my neck and all he wanted was to be consoled a little bit. I recognised Dr. Flachsman questioning, almost frightened eyes refer to Mike and I said "No, never!" He nodded. I brought Mike back to his bedroom and when I laid him back in his bed he was already asleep again. I went back to the living room, I was near to puke. My life was destroyed. I had to get familiar with the thought that I would spend the next years in prison with nice guys who are really pleased about the attendance of a child abuser. I found Dr. Flachsman in front of my books, he had the Sonnets of Shakespeare in his hand and had found the one I had marked. He read it, closed the book and put it back. Now he looked at me. "Mr. Martin, I am a physician at first," he started my funeral oration, "I have to ask some questions to know better about David's health. Have you had sex with other men or boys before him?" "I had sex with a man when I was 24 years old, I wanted to find out if I'm gay. That's ten years ago. I never made love to a boy before David and I've never visited prostitutes." "Do you remember any sexual abuse when you were a child?" "My brother and me were abused in the age of nine, but as far as I remember it didn't come to any sexual acts." "Have you had anal intercourse with David?" His questions hurt but I had decided to tell the full truth. "Yes." "Have you recognised any blood coming out of his anus or did he have had bad stomach ache some hours later?" "No, never." "Is David able to ejaculate?" "Yes, he is and he did several times in the last months, with me together and on his own, I suppose." He thought for a moment. "Mr. Martin, if David would be 16 years old this would only be a normal homosexual relationship. But David is 12 and you wouldn't be interested in a 16 year old boy or a man, am I right?" I had to swallow. He's clever, I thought. "Yes, you're right." "Why not?" Damned, how could I explain? Perhaps with a counterquestion? "Actually I can't explain, Dr. Flachsman. Can you explain why you're sexual aroused by women? Do you think I had chosen this sexual orientation? Do you really think that I would risk my life and the health of my boy because of a whim? I would give something to have a so-called normal sexual orientation but I haven't. Twenty years I was able to keep it under control but suddenly a boy appeared in my life. A boy I fell in love with and who loves me honestly, too. Finally we had sex with each other and it was a pleasure, for both of us." I stopped, it was all so useless to explain. "Will you call the police now to make an end to this?" He looked at me for a long time. "Mr. Martin, I have to thank you for your openness. No, I won't call the police. If I would think that you've forced David or raped him I wouldn't hesitate to do, but he talked to me as frankly as you, too. He says he loves you and you say you love him. David is very confused in the moment. Every day he had expected his father that he would simply take him and Mike and drive away. What do you think that shall I do, Mr. Martin?" "What about his father, Doctor? Will he come back?" "Maybe I shouldn't say this, Mr. Martin, but Mr. Peterson isn't in a hospital for alcoholics, he's in a psychiatric clinic. The police told me already some days ago that they've found him. I talked to the colleague of the sanatorium and he said that he only has minor chances to get out again. Anyway - I don't think that he ever gets back the custody for his sons. So once again, what shall I do now?" "What would you think if I say that we can leave the things as they are?" "Knowing you and David having anal intercourse every night? And maybe you and Mike in some years?" "Yes, and?" "And what about if David finds out that he likes a girl more than you some day?" "Dr. Flachsman, this would hurt me very much but I wouldn't hold him back. As I already said to you, it's not very nice to have a abnormal sexual orientation and I would like to save him from it." But what if I had caused an abnormal sexual orientation at David, I thought. Was this possible? "In some years David isn't sexual interesting for you any more, Mr. Martin. What will you do then? Send him away and start a relationship with his younger brother?" "Damn it, doctor, I'm not a monster! Of course I won't send him away. I don't know if I'm still sexual interested in him when he's 18 years old. But you know pretty good that sex is only an aspect, a minor aspect in the relationship of two persons. I love this boy, Dr. Flachsman, and I'm not in the position to hurt him, neither physically nor mental!" He tore his hair. "Mr. Martin, I have a headache. I will go now and sleep it over. I will have a talk with you and David again tomorrow and then I'll decide what to do." He stood up and put on his coat. "Do you have the right to do? To make a decision for him and me?" "Yes, I have," he said tired, the handle of the front door in his hand. "I am the man who has the guardianship for him, not you. We've never told you. I knew in the first moment I saw you and David that we will have this talk some day. Good night, Mr. Martin." [Dr. Flachsman's point of view] When I left the house of Mr. Martin I still had the last view of his shocked face before my inner eye as I told him that he never got the guardianship for the Peterson-boys. He was never able to make it clear to me why he wanted to take them in his house. He wasn't married and had no children on his own. I remembered quite well our visit in his house this Sunday some months ago. David showed me proudly his room and all the things Mr. Martin had bought for him. Mr. Martin was polite, nice and he was a clever interlocutor. Why aren't you married, I asked him in mind. Then I got it. I noticed his face, I saw how his eyes always got a beatific expression when he looked at David. I recognised his affectionate touches, he even kissed him on his lips. This man is pedophile I thought and it gave me a stitch. I also saw David in the company of Mr. Martin. He never made a frightened impression, on the contrary he blossomed since he had a loving father figure again. Nevertheless I reproached myself that I allowed this relation. I knew that sooner or later it would also lead to a sexual one. David was a young boy in the beginning of his puberty and would be open for any kind of 'advice' how to make fun with his young sex. Then I heard that David had become ill and of course I thought that Mr. Martin did something dreadful with him, that he wasn't able to hold back any longer, that he even had raped him. I went and saw him and my first fears didn't confirm. Differently from my expectation Mr. Martin was happy that I took care about him, he was grateful for my support. In the hospital I made several tests with him, but physically he was very well. It seemed to be a mental problem and so I had a long talk with him. I tried to find out if he still feels well in the house of Mr. Martin, his answers came at once and seemed to be honest, no sign of hidden fear. Then I became plain: "David, did Mr. Martin any harm to you, has he touched you or worse?" David got a questioning look on his face, then he started to grin. "I would say that I have touched him!" he said cheeky. Suddenly he was worried. "Oh, Dr. Chocolate, you won't tell this to anybody, will you?" "What don't I have to tell, David?" He made a long break. "That we made love with each other." he said quietly. My heart missed a beat. I knew it! "Dr. Chocolate, please don't tell anybody." "Did he force you to make love with him?" I asked now and tried to keep calm. "No, never! I made the first step! I went in his bedroom because I wanted to be loved by him. This is true, I love him so much!" Now he had tears in his eyes. "Come down, David. I won't tell anybody until I know the full truth. And you will please tell me the full truth now. From the beginning." And so he told me that he went to Mr. Martin's bedroom by his own free will, that the 'sex-thing' as David called it, simply happened. He always felt well and Mr. Martin never forced him or did any harm to him, he said. Indeed, he didn't show any signs of violence, no bruises, no grazes and his eyes were not feared when he talked about Mr. Martin. "Why mustn't I tell nobody about?" I asked him now. For the first time he looked to the floor. "Jack would come into prison, he said." Damned, he was quite right! "So you and he knew it's forbidden what you've done?" "Yes, we knew." he said so quietly that I had trouble to understand it. And then, with a passionate voice again: "I want to go into prison, too. With Jack together!" I was surprised, even amused a little bit. This nice kid! What have you done with him, Mr. Martin? "Now, is this your trouble, David? Why are you so sad the last weeks?" David looked down again, no reaction. "David, I have to know this to decide if I call the police or not! Has Mr. Martin made photos or videos of you, were foreign men in his house who wanted to make love with you, too?" He looked at me astonished, then angry. "He didn't! He's a good man, Dr. Flachsman!" he shouted and I recognised that he used my real name for the first time. "So what's up with you, David?" I asked again. Again he was quiet. At last: "I got a letter from Dad, I mean my real Dad. He's alive and somewhere in a clinic. He wants us back and I don't want to. But I love my Dad and have to go if he comes!" No he started to cry, this was the trouble he saw himself entangled and no solution to get out of it! No wonder that he wasn't able to tell Mr. Martin, he didn't want to hurt him. It seemed that he really loved this man. I knew about Mr. Peterson. The police told me as the guardian of David and Mike and asked me to tell the boys. I made a call in the clinic and found out that he isn't in a clinic for alcoholics but in a psychiatric one. The medical superintendent told me that he was taken in his hospital after an attempted suicide. He showed signs of maniac depressions and was badly maladjusted. Delirium tremens. Cirrhosis of the liver. Negative prognosis, hardly chances to get out again. But now, what should I tell David? That his father would never come back? Well, he had been honest with me so I decided to do the same. "David, calm down! If you don't want to move to your father, you don't have to! Your father is still very ill and it seems that he has to keep in the hospital for several years, at least as you will come of age and then you can decide anyway on your own what you want to do or not." David stopped crying. He looked at me, his eyes were so much full of hope that it ached me. "He can't come and take us away?" he asked again, sobbing. "No, he can't. Believe me!" His tears dried, but he still didn't know if he should be happy or sad about this news. What the heck should I do now with him? To be lawful I had to call the police now and David and Mike would come into a hostel with all the negative consequences which would follow. On the other side I couldn't leave it in this way. I had to talk with Mr. Martin and I was in fear of this talk. I had to decide the most obvious things first. "David, I want you in the hospital this night. I'll give you something to help you sleep." "I want to go back to Jack!" "Not this night. I have to talk with him first." And as I saw the fear in his eyes: "David, I don't plan to call the police or to tell anybody!" Not yet, I thought. He came down a little bit and agreed. I called a nurse to get a bed and ordered her to give him a light sedative. On my way to Mr. Martins house I thought how to treat him. I would confronted him with the truth and then I would wait for his reaction. Would he deny? If yes I would call the police immediately to get him behind bars for a long time. This asshole, even if David was right Mr. Martin would have never been allowed to permit the sexual approximation of him. Sexual offence with a charge, the legislator call this and it would be good for some years prison at all, even if he didn't rape the child. ...And the man is weak, I thought. I took a deep breath and knocked at his door. Mr. Martin opened, pleased to see me. He looked for David in my company and suddenly he became worried. "Where's David?" he asked and I told him. "I had a long talk with him and now I want to talk with you, Mr. Martin." He nodded and offered a seat. He still had a worried look on his face, perhaps he suspected what I had to tell? First I told him about Mr. Peterson, he had a right to know what was wrong with David. I saw an incredible relief in his eyes, a mountain fell from his heart. You better should wait, I thought. So I told him what I found out. Told it to his face, I saw no reason to be diplomatic. I saw his eyes becoming wide, he looked like a caught criminal. Let's see if you are one, Mr. Martin! You seem to be a bad liar! From your next words it would depend if I sent you in clink... "Yes." was all he said. His shoulders fell down and his eyes looked to the floor. OK, I thought, you took the first hurdle. But then I got aware of the fact that I am not the police and all the more not the judge; it wasn't my job to interrogate him. I had to find out if he had hurt David. I asked him to explain. He went for a cognac. I could have had one, too, but he was too upset to ask. He thought for some minutes. Then he looked into my eyes and confirmed that he's a pedophile, or a 'boylover' as he called it. What's the difference I asked myself. Yes, he had used David for his sexual likings, he admit frankly. At least he was honest. There sat no ordinary criminal. "Thank you, Mr. Martin, I know this was hard for you." Suddenly we heard the door and Mike appeared, crying. I was frightened. Just now I had been willing to understand Mr. Martin, now I saw the next crying boy in his company! I wanted to jump up, take Mike and run out of this cursed house before this man was able to do something worse. But then I saw this little boy running in Mr. Martins arms, he embraced him and told something about monsters he dreamt of. I saw Mr. Martin who took him lovingly in his arms, caressed and tried to reassure him. I still had a frightened face when he looked at me and said: "No, never!" First I didn't understand what he meant, then I got it; he thought I was in fear that he maybe abused this boy, too. But all I saw was a man who took loving care of a little boy. Now he carried him back in his room and I was alone for some minutes. This was not a bad man. I stood up and took a look at his books in the library. I saw valuable art and culture books, books about astronomy and philosophy, a big encyclopaedia, books about classical music, politics, a lot of German language, Goethe, Kant, Schopenhauer and so on, not only a few but dozens and hundreds of them. For some reasons I got the Sonnets of Shakespeare in the hands, I leafed through and found a marked page: "When in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes, I all alone beweep my outcast state, and trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries, and look upon myself, and curse my fate, wishing me like to one more rich in hope, featur'd like him, like him with friends possess'd, desiring this man's art, and that man's scope, with what I most enjoy contented least; Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising, haply I think, on thee; - and then my state, like to the lark at break of day arising from sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate; for the sweet love remember'd, such wealth brings, that then I scorn to change my state with kings." Suddenly I felt sorry for Mr. Martin. God, this man had been alone for many many years. He definitely had tried to find a wife, perhaps more than one time, and then he had to find out that he isn't sexually aroused by women but only by boys. I supposed that he discovered early in his life but that he refused to believe it first. I thought about the old times in Italy or Greece when the love, also the physical love with a boy was something quite normal. The problem I had to solve became more and more difficult. Meanwhile Mr. Martin had come back from Mike, he sat down, waiting for me. I put the book back in the row and took also a seat. I had to find out what really happened in this house, so I asked in the role of a doctor of medicine. Maybe this man has had contact with lots of men or boys, maybe prostitutes. It could be that he had a venereal disease, maybe even Aids! I asked and he said he had contact with a gay men ten years ago. Ten years. Well, that excluded at least the possibility of a HIV-infection if he told the truth. I came up my mind that this man has been maybe abused when he was a child on his own. Perhaps David's fate was only the repetition what this man had suffered? I asked him and yes, indeed, he and his brother were abused, but it didn't look like that he was exceptionally burdened about that. Now I had to know if he ever had anal intercourse with the boy because this can really have hurt David, loosen the sphincter, maybe a rupture of the colon. I asked him and he made a break. I knew that my questions were embarrassing for him but I had to know as a physician. Again he said simply "Yes." I asked him for blood or stomach ache but he never recognised some. When I made the tests with David this evening I also examined him rectal, I found his prostate gland small and firm, his sphincter with my forefinger in his anus seemed to work normally. The next question was very important for me. Was Mr. Martin the only one who was able to get an orgasm or David, too? Was he able to give the pleasure back he got from the boy? This wasn't a medical question but one for the mental attitude, as well for David's as Mr. Martin's. Another time he said yes and that David has had several orgasms with him in the last months. I had to put this man into another drawer as I already did. It seems that he was always more interested to please the boy than himself. Damn it, if David would be 16 years old, nobody could say anything against this relation, but he was only 12 and as far I understood are pedophiles not interested in grown up boys or men, he even called himself not homosexual! Has he ever thought about his sexual likings? Why wasn't he able to keep his self control as he did for more than 20 years? Did he really look for a boy he can take with in his house to abuse him? He tried to explain that he didn't choose his penchants and it made sense to me that nobody would do something by his own free will that is so much outlawed as sex with kids in these days. I knew it would not be worth the paper if a judge condemn him to visit a psychiatrist. Maybe he could help him to hold himself under control in future but it wasn't possible to 'cure' him. He said that he loves David, in the same honest way David already did an hour ago. Now he asked if I would call the police now. What could I do? Before I knocked at his door this evening I had sworn to call the police immediately if he had tried to tell lies or even to play the facts down. But he had not, he told the truth willingly. Now, if I would inform the police Mr. Martin and David would be separated, and all David needed in the moment was somebody who holds him and replies the love he was able to give. Mr. Martin asked for David's father and because he was so frankly with me I told him the truth, too. Mr. Peterson wouldn't come out of the hospital for long years, maybe never again. Also Mr. Martin was in fear that Mr. Peterson would appear and simply take the boys away. He knew he couldn't prevent it if the father haven't give his permission for the stay of his sons here yet. But I was in a similar situation, I couldn't leave the boys here, knowing Mr. Martin as a pedophile. On the other hand they wanted to stay here and the little incident with Mike this evening strengthened my opinion that they are in good hands. Damned, what could I do? "What would you think if I say that we can leave the things as they are?" Mr. Martin asked in my reflections. Now, that was a bit thick! "Knowing you and David having anal intercourse every night?" I barked back. "And maybe you and Mike in some years?" "Yes, and?" I looked at him, no, he meant it seriously. Was he crazy? I opened my mouth to say something rude but then I thought for a second time. What would happen if I would really let the things go as they were? To allow David an Mike living here and to forbid David or Mr. Martin any physical dealing at the same time would be the same as if I try to catch the wind. If I permitted David to come back here they would make love again, on every occasion presenting itself. Everything refused in me. And if David will find out that girls are very nice, too? And that sex with them is maybe more joyful for him than with a man? Again Mr. Martin had the only possible answer to this. "Dr. Flachsman, this would hurt me very much but I wouldn't hold him back. As I already said to you, it's not very nice to have a abnormal sexual orientation and I would like to save him from it." I knew well that a sexual orientation can't be "caused" in a boy or girl, to put it in a nutshell: either they're born hetero or they're homosexual. Nobody "becomes" gay, only his conviction to live it out can grow stronger. Anyway - if you never tried out the sex with a person of the other sex you can't tell that homosexuality is best. And reversely! So it is possible that you find something better. Again Mr. Martin had not ruled this possibility out. But what about the other boy? Will he try to seduce Mike in a few years? And what will he do with David, if he's not interesting any longer for him? I had to make this clear but the first time this evening he became angry, I went too far. "Damn it, doctor, I'm not a monster!" he flared up. "Of course I won't send him away. I don't know if I'm still sexual interested in him when he's 18 years old. But you know pretty good that sex is only an aspect, a minor aspect in the relationship of two persons. I love this boy, Dr. Flachsman, and I'm not in the position to hurt him, neither physically nor mental!" Could this really be true? Can the love to a boy so deeply that you forget your own well-being? I remembered Thomas Mann's novel, "Death in Venedig", wasn't the man willing to do everything for his beloved boy? But to make love with a child is wrong, it can hurt it physical and mental for the rest of its life. Mr. Martin said that he wasn't able to hurt him and it sounded so convincing that I wanted to believe him willingly. This became a spiral! My head was aching. I had to get out of here to think and sleep. Only one thing was left, to tell Mr. Martin that he never had the guardianship for the boys as he thought. And I would never forget the pain in his eyes when I told him. [David's point of view] I woke up early in the morning; somebody caressed my hair and face. When I opened my eyes I saw Jack, sitting on my bed, smiling at me. "Jack!" I shouted and clutched his neck with my arms. I couldn't help myself, I started to weep. I was so glad to see him again! I remembered the evening yesterday, the talk with Dr. Chocolate and my confession. I was afraid that I would never see him again and that maybe I sent him into prison. I cried like a baby and my tears ran down my face in his neck. "Come on, dear David, calm down!" I heard him now, his voice was glad, almost amused. "Everything becomes well again, believe me!" Through a haze of tears I saw Dr. Chocolate standing at the end of my bed. He smiled, too, but it was a little bit weak. "You don't have to go into prison?" I asked Jack, sobbing. "No, I don't have to go into prison, David." "But I told Dr. Chocolate that we made love!" I whispered and my tears became worse again. "I know, David, I'm not mad about you! I told him the same." "Really?" "Yes, really. Now calm down again, the doctor wants to tell us something. Quick under the shower with you and put your clothes on." Jack and Dr. Chocolate sat at the table when I came out of the shower, they talked in a normal sound. Again I tied my arms around Jack's neck, this time from his back. I wanted to feel and hold him so much, I never wanted to release him again. He put his hands on my arm. "Hey, it's okay, David! Come on, take a seat." I did and looked at Dr. Flachsman, his eyes were red and he was very tired. "Mr. Martin, David!" he started. "I thought the whole night what to do. Let me say beforehand that I'm disappointed about both of you, about you, David, that you went to have a sexual relation with Mr. Martin, it seems that you seduced him to make love with a man. But also you, Mr. Martin, should have been in the position to refuse the sexual approximation of a young boy. You used him to fulfil your own sexual likings and this still means an unbelievable outrage for me. Now - what shall I do with you two? Indeed Mr. Martin would go into prison if I will inform the police, and you, David, would go into a hostel with your brother. What would be the gain? Three unhappy persons more in the world. I became a physician to make the people healthy and lucky again and it seems that you're really lucky in the house of Mr. Martin and he's so glad to take care about two boys he loves. I saw it with my own eyes how much you love them, Mr. Martin. This is all I wanted, to bring some love in the boy's life back. Even if I didn't mean sexual love! Anyway, I decided to do nothing in this aspect. You will go back to Jack, David, and you, Mr. Martin will get your boys back..." I started to scream in pleasure, but the doctor interrupted me. "... but I have three conditions!" Suddenly I wasn't happy any more. Perhaps he would forbid any touches between us? No, he smiled. "I know, what you think, David. No, I won't dream to forbid your sexual games, as long as both of you are careful with each other. This is my first condition: both of you must agree that I will examine you say ... two times a year. And you must promise that you will come at once if something painful has happened and you feel bad. Okay?" "Yes, I agree." Jack said immediately. So I did. Now he looked at me. "Second: both of you must promise that you will not involve your little brother Mike in the sexual part of your friendship." Again Jack agreed at once. "But what if Mike comes into puberty and asks me a lot of things? It's much easier to show him than telling him stories for hours and hours!" Dr. Flachsman smiled again. "Mike will come into puberty in about six years, David. At this time you will be 18 and able to think about it twice, okay?" "Okay." "The third condition is maybe the most difficult. I want that you both will visit a psychiatrist, once a month. Do you already have a psychiatrist, Mr. Martin?" "No, I haven't." "OK, I can recommend a colleague of mine, it's Dr. Redfox. I will inform her about you two, about our talk and that she will have two hours left for you each month." "'She'?" Jack asked. "Yes, 'she'. Dr. Redfox is a woman, Mr. Martin." He took a deep breath. "In this way I hope to prevent all possible damage from both of you, any physical as well as the mental. If you don't agree I have to think about something else, but I already can tell you that you will be separated then. These are my conditions. I will control that you will keep them. Well, do you agree or not?" "What's a psychiatrist?" I wanted to know. Jack answered for Dr. Flachsman. "It's somebody who you can tell all your problems, she listens at you and maybe she will give some advice if necessary." "That's right." Dr. Flachsman nodded. "But I want to speak with you about my problems, Jack!" I protested. "Yes, you will please do this, David. But maybe there will be something some day you don't want to talk about with me. Think about the letter of your Dad! If you have had a person like Dr. Redfox you wouldn't have been so sad the last weeks, because you could have ask her what to do. Dr. Flachsman, I agree with your conditions totally." "David?" he asked. I couldn't imagine to talk about my problems with an unknown woman and I didn't understand why Dr. Flachsman set such a great store by it. But okay. "Yes, I agree, too." "Your hands on it!" the Doctor ordered. We stood up and shook hands with Dr. Flachsman, even Jack and me did, smiling. "Thank you, Dr. Flachsman!" Jack said. "You're a respectable man." "Now I leave you two for some minutes. But we need this room in half an hour!" It looked as if Dr. Flachsman was very relieved, no wonder, so Jack and I were! He closed the door behind him and Jack and me looked in our eyes. I saw some tears coming up his eyes. "David!" he said and embraced me so strongly that I couldn't breathe. Then we kissed us wild, both with tears on our faces, unspeakable happy. "You know about Dad's letter?" I asked him. "Yes, Dr. Flachsman told me. Oh, David, you fool, why didn't you tell me? Did you think that I would have let you go so simply?" "I didn't want to hurt you, Jack." I said quietly. "But you did, David! I thought you don't like me any more. I was so sad." "I'm sorry." I said, at the verge of tears again. "You mustn't do this again, David, promise me!" Such a lot of promises the last hour! "I do." "David, sometimes it's better to hurt somebody a little bit by telling the truth. Otherwise it could be that you hurt him deeply if you tell lies. Do you understand me?" "I understand. Will you tell me always the truth?" "No, David." He smiled. "Sometimes you have a white lie, and these ones are allowed, but it must be little white lies, shithead!" "Yourself a shithead!" I said, also smiling. And we kissed us again. End of Part One ...to be continued