Date: Thu, 22 May 2003 00:58:12 -0400
From: mr. axl <mraxl55@msn.com>
Subject: cody's axeman

Disclaimer: this is a story about the love between a man and a boy, and two
people who help the other discover themselves, if you don't like that then
leave now

			    " CODY'S AXEMAN "

				     1

To say that Donna was chaotic would be an understatement.

In the nearly 7 years I have lived here, I have watched her move in and out
of the apartments up the road atleast as many times.

Dragging her son Cody along each time.

I watched Cody grow, in the beginning we fast became friends (he was 4),
but then he was gone for 6 months and he didn't remember me,then we became
friends again, you get the idea.

Donna professed her love for me on more than one occasion, and I would try
to explain to her that she was not in love with me ,she just wanted daddy.

"I can't be your daddy, but I can be the best friend you ever had" I told
her.

Then she would go out and find another asshole to treat her and her son
like shit.

Usually they were indifferent to Cody or they were verbally abusive, or in
one case physically abusive. Which led to my going to jail for the night
and that asshole never being welcome in this neighborhood again. ( I have
alot of friends)

Unfortunately it also resulted in Donna leaving with the prick for several
more months before coming back to the neighborhood. I like to think that
asshole never put his hands on Cody again,it helps me sleep at night and I
would rather not know anybetter.

By the time Cody was 7 or 8, he and I were very close,and everytime they
came back to the neighborhood he would insist that Donna drop him off at my
house before going down the road to their "new old home".

I remember one night ,we were at Donna's hanging out with some friends and
it was getting late,when out of nowhere Cody crawled into my lap.

Everyone was surprised and amused ofcourse,which meant attention for Cody
which he loved.

Donna told him to get down and to get to bed. I said it was cool and that I
would carry him to bed if he fell asleep.That was unless he stayed awake
too long, then it was up to bed for him.

He was asleep in half an hour.

This fast became a routine which I enjoyed as much as he did. He was as
comfortable on my lap as if I was a recliner. He would curl up and
eventually fall asleep.

 It was about that time that Cody also decided that it was his mission in
life to get me and his mother married to one another. I would try to help
him understand why it wouldn't work but he was a determined boy.

Eventually he decided that it would be almost as good if he could get one
of my friends to marry his mom. Needless to say his mother was quite busy
when she was around the neighborhood.

One night while we were hangin around my house it had started to get late
and Donna said it was time to go home.

"I want to stay with Lew tonight" Cody pouted.

Donna and I exchanged confused glances. He had never stayed anywhere
besides with his mom before.

"If you don't mind, I don't" Donna asked me.

"why not " I said

Eventually Donna would ask me if I would mind watching Cody when she went
out looking for mister "right now". I didn't mind, infact Cody knew he was
welcome here anytime. All he had to do was call and I would cancel my plans
if I had them.

That was unless she was out of the neighborhood,then in her attempt to
start over she would cut ties here, or stop in occasionally for a favor or
a loan.

I didn't mind this, she eventually paid me back and I understood why she
did what she did. If only I could get her to understand it. The boy was
dragged from place to place, and was desperately in need of stability.

He was a very smart kid but unfortunately was behind in his school having
to move so much. Bouncing from school to school.

I helped him learn to love to read,and it got to where he would come down
after school everyday to read with me. One day when I stopped in on his
mother and he,he said "hey Lew,come here I wanna show you sumthin"

when I went to his bedroom he had books scattered all over his bed (he was
eight at the time)

"do you wanna read one of them?" he said to me

"No " I said watching his face sadden " but I'll read one with you" this
bringing his bright smile back.

And there we were lying on the bed and reading. Donna was never freaked by
how affectionate Cody was toward me nor I to him.

However "mister right now" would usually find fault with it and try to
complicate things.

Sometimes to no avail, other times it led to Donna moving away again and
Cody being dragged along.

Eventually one night led to the whole weekend.

I remember the first time Cody bathed at my house. I had to ask wrather he
showered or bathed(I couldn't remember which I prefered at that age)

"I take baths because I don't like the water in my eyes"

So after he called me twice to help him get the water just right,he was
finally settled into the bath. So I settled at my computer to check my
e-mail.

"hey Lew" He yelled from the tub.

"yeah Cody"

" I can't get the water to shut off"

"alright" so I got up to turn off the water. I kinda felt awkward doing
this since he was not my kid.

When I walked toward the tub he leaned forward out of modesty to hide
himself.

I giggled to myself, turned off the water and headed back to my computer.

I had just read my first e-mail when.

"hey Lew"

"yeah Cody"

"where's the cup?"

"what cup?"

"well I have to wash my hair" He stated matter- of- factly.

"oh yeah my bad" again giggling to myself, duh how could I forget.

I grabbed a cup and tossed it into the tub.

He giggled and thanked me.

So I settled at my computer,thinking I could get this done before he
finished bathing so we could watch a movie together.

"hey do you know where my clothes are?"

I turned to answer him and he was standing there with a towel wrapped
around him.

" I bet you left them in the car"

" Yeah I bet your right" He said as his little nose twisted in frustration.

" well grab the keys and get them" I said trying to sound seriouse.

"I can't go out there like this" He said as his little voice rose in pitch.

" Aww hell, it's dark outside. no-ones gonna see you"

"yes they will. I ain't goin out there like this" He said

"well I guess you'll have to stay like you are then" I said turning back to
my computer.

He stood there quietly contemplating this,finally he said. "fine I'll go"
His voice wavered and I could tell he was on the verge of tears.

I watched him walk to the door with his head down and the big towel wrapped
around his whole body.

"or I could get them for you" I said as he reached for the door knob.

He turned and smiled at me " would you?"

That's right my heart melted when he pouted,ofcourse I had no intentions of
making him go out there in the first place. But I felt bad when my little
trick made him neerly cry.

I got up and grabbed his clothes out of the car and he got dressed.

" hey come here" I told him " you didn't really think I was gonna make you
go out there naked did you?"

"no" he said trying to sound confident.

"then how come you were about to cry?"

" I wasn't about to cry" He said sounding angry now.

I pulled him to me and said "no it's alright to cry. but I would never do
anything that mean to you. You hear me?"

He nodded and that was that.

Cody was and is a beautiful child. His eyes were so deep and blue that you
would swear that they were contacts. His dark brown hair was cut short like
my own, and he had freckles sprinkled across his nose which were in
contrast to his light skin. But to me his nose was the cutest thing ever. A
roman nose I call it, like in the sculptures of roman kings and so forth.

It was very straight with a sharp bridge,and the nostrals were very
defined.

Cody was a very handsome boy. I found myself falling deeper and deeper in
love with him. I felt like he was my own son.

His poor socks were so stained black from their floor that I decided to buy
him some new ones one weekend that he stayed with me. Sometime in the
shopping trip someone referred to me as Cody's daddy and he smiled so big I
thought his face would crack.

When we got home that night he said something that to this day is the
nicest thing I have ever had said to me.

He said "Lew,remember when that lady said you were my dad? I wish you were
my dad"

I didn't even try to hold back my tears, Cody looked at me puzzled at
first.

" I wish I was too Cody" and he gave me a great big hug.

Our weekends together became a routine and we would often times watch
movies, he would start out in the bean bag,but he would eventually climb on
top of me,if I was laying down he would lay ontop of me.

If I was lying on my back He would lie back to front,If I was lying on my
side, he would crawl next to me and simply lift my arm up ,crawl under and
then lay it across him. This would last until he fell asleep and then I
would get up and cover him and goto bed myself.

Before Cody's ninth birthday Donna was off on another one of her trips and
Cody and I didnt see eachother for neerly 9 months.

I missed him so bad I hurt inside, I didn't even know how to reach them and
I was worried sick about Cody. My god what if something happens to him.

Sure as shit when the time was up. Cody got out of the car on crutches and
limped towards my door.

I happened to see him getting out of the car and ran outside a swooped him
up and carried him inside.

"Hey Lew" Donna yelled as she drove down the street.

I didn't even acknowledge her, my mind was racing and I just knew I was
gonna kill someone if they had hurt this boy.

Turns out he had wrecked jumping a very large ramp on his bike.

I was so relieved and happy to see him that I didn't ask anymore questions.

I waited impatiently until the weekend and we picked up where we left off.

He seemed to change so much, he was still small for his age. The pudgy 4
and 5 year old had thinned out over the years and it seemed like he was
thinner and taller each and everytime he came back.

I remember it was on Cody's eleventh birthday that I finally had to say
something to Donna. We had been drinking some beer and Cody was preoccupied
with a new game he had gotten.

"look Donna enough is enough. You have to stop moving back and forth,why
can't you stay in one place for a fuckin year or more?"

"look Lew I can't live my life for you" she shot back.

"this isn't about me Donna it's about Cody"

"bullshit Lew." our voices were getting louder "If you only loved me a
fraction of as much as you love Cody,I would be thrilled,hell I'd be the
happiest woman in the fuckin' world. But you don't Lew. And life goes on"

Cody came into the room with a scared look on his face.

I looked at her for a minute. "I should leave" I got up.

"please don't leave Lew" Cody said softly.

"I need to go buddy,I'll see you tomorrow o.k" I rubbed his head

"Please don't make Lew leave mommy" Cody started crying.

"hey stop that now" I said softly bending down to hug him "I need to go,
really"

" I want to go with you " He said hanging on and crying somemore.

Donna looked at me and I looked at her with a look of guilt on my face.

"he has a three day weekend and tomorrow is thursday. It won't kill him to
miss one day."

So there we were with a four day weekend. ofcourse I was gonna have to call
in sick the the next day and I too had a three day weekend.

That night after Cody had fallen asleep and I went to bed,I was awakened by
his crawling into bed with me, I was disoriented but not so much that I
didn't realize that it was him.

"what are you doin?" I whispered softly.

"can I sleep here tonight?"he pleaded

" well I dunno if thats a good idea"

"I don't care that your sleeping in your underwear Lew" he said innocently.

This made me laugh so hard I cried,I pulled him to me and said" my sweet
silly little boy"

When I loosened my grip on him he never moved,only laying right there on my
chest.

As we drifted off to sleep he said again " I wish you were my dad Lew, so
we could be together everyday"

I lay there silently weeping to myself. How was it possible that this
little boy could bring forth emotions no other person had before.

I did not know until I met this boy just how much I could love.

I realized at that point that I loved Cody more than anything else.

He lay there with his head on my shoulder,my arm across his chest. Suddenly
he broke the silence.

"why don't you love my mom Lew?"

I was stunned, I wasn't sure what to say, I mean where did this come from?

"I never said I didn't love your mom Cody. I just don't love her the way
she wants and needs me to" I responded as best I could.

"but neither do any of the other guys" He said quietly "Atleast your nice
to us"

"well I love you and your mother very much,but I am not in love with your
mother Cody. Does that make sense?"

"yeah" he responded but I'm not sure he really did.

He was quiet for awhile, "but you could pretend you do. couldn't you?"

"no that wouldn't be fair Cody" I said sadly " If I were to do something
like that it would be disrespectful to your mother. Don't get me wrong I
have alot of respect for your mom, and she would be a great catch if she
would settle down a little and stop looking for so much chaos...."

" well maybe she would if you gave her a chance?" he responded

This conversation was getting a little too deep. But I was drawn into it
and felt somehow compelled to look deeper into this situation myself.

"Here's the thing Cody. If I tried to settle down with your mother and it
failed, how do you think it would end up? I mean what if we had a big fight
or something , then your mother would disappear again,and maybe this time
she wouldn't come back, atleast right now we are friends and I feel that
when she leaves there's a chance you guys will be back. What if she left
for good Cody?" I was starting to get upset "I worry everytime you guys
leave that I will never see you again. And if I broke your mother's heart I
know she would be gone for good. No I couldn't take that chance. It's safer
to remain friends. Besides I don't want to lose your mother's friendship,
we're better off as friends"

"I'm just tired of moving so much" He said snuggling closer to me, it was
no time before I heard his breathing slow down and he was asleep.

I lay there and watched him sleep, thinking about the conversation we had
just had. Did he comprehend what I had just said? hell did I? maybe I
should settle down. But I had gottn so used to being alone. I prefer living
alone, no responsibilty to anyone else but myself, ofcourse there were the
weekends with Cody, but then he went back home and I went to work and my
single unattatched life. I missed Cody terribly when he wasn't there, but
the lack of responsibilty was a nice balance to the responsibilty I felt
when he was around.

I eventually drifted off to sleep with these mixed emotions running through
my head.

I awoke in the middle of the night because I had to piss like a race horse.

I was standing there half asleep tryin to make sure I hit the bowl when I
heard a sleepy voice.

"where did you go?" I looked up and Cody was standing at the door.

There I was feelin disoriented and a little embarrased with my dick hangin'
out and an eleven year old boy standing at the door looking at me through
sleepy eyes.

"oh I'm sorry" he said blushing.

"It's alright" I said pulling myself back inside my boxers. "what's wrong?"

"I woke up and you werent there" he said sleepily.

" well you usually sleep alone, whats the problem?"

" I had a bad dream " He said and started to tear up.

I walked to the kitchen and poured us each a glass of pepsi, I handed him
one as I sat on the couch. Cody crawled up beside me and snuggled against
me.

"Wanna tell me about the dream?" I asked as I hugged him.

"I was so scared Lew,I dreamed that you took me camping and all of a sudden
I was alone in the woods. I walked back to the campsite but you had packed
everything up and left. I was all alone. You just left me there Lew" He was
crying bitterly now " why would you do that to me ?"

"Well I didn't Cody" I hugged him tighter then pulled him back so I could
look into his eye "It was only a dream now wasn't it? "

He shook his head yes.

"you know I would never leave you alone right?" again he shook his head
yes. " now you feel better?"

"yeah I guess so. I was so afraid Lew, it was the worst dream ever" he was
still sobbing a little.

"it's alright baby, I'm right here" I held him for a few minutes,it was
only four in the morning. much too late to be out of bed.

" are you hungry? "

he shook his head no.

"well how about you let me get back to sleep ? sound good?" I said with a
chuckle.

"I don't think I can sleep" He said softly.

"well I'm gonna get atleast another hours worth and then we can have some
breakfast"

I stood up and headed back to bed. Cody sat on the couch looking out the
window.

Just as I started to doze off he came into the room and crawled back into
bed with me. He lifted my arm and crawled under it and lay his head upon my
chest letting my arm drop back across his chest.

"hey lew?"

"hmmm?" I grumbled to him.

"I'm sorry I walked in on you while you were peein'"

I started to laugh " It's o.k I guess, no big deal we're both men I guess"

"yeah I guess"

I could tell he wanted to say more but I honestly hoped he wouldn't so that
I could get a few more hours of sleep. Fortunatley he did not , ofcourse he
eventually did...

I awoke disoriented and looked at the figure huddled against me, he was
looking at me as I awoke. I ususally wake up grumpy but something about
seeing that smiling face looking at me first thing in the morning just
brightened my day.

I mouthed the words hi to him and he smiled even bigger.

"'bout time you woke up sleepy head" He said giggling.

"how long did I sleep? " I snorted to him

"all day it's like time to go back to bed" he giggled again

"you know I don't wake up well, infact I'm actually a grump so don't push
your luck with me boy" I smiled at him as I poked his ribs.

"oh yeah?" he said as he jumped ontop of me and began trying to find my
ticklish spot.

"yeah" I said rolling him over and tickling him. He was laughing so hard I
thought he would pee his pants. Everytime I found a particularly ticklish
spot he would let out a squeel and then gasp for air.

"stop I'm gonna pee my pants " he giggled

"then you will have to pee your pants" I said to him still tickling him.

When I did stop he got up and ran to the bathroom, his little pee hard on
poking out infront of him.

"and don't pee on the floor" I yelled behind him.

"well it's kind of hard to aim this thing" he yelled.

"well if you don't know how to use it then I guess I can get you some
diapers"

I heard the toilet flush and he walked in saying " I don't need diapers"
with his little nose scrunched up.

When he crawled back into bed beside me I said "you didn't pee on my floor
did you?"

"I sure did" he smiled at me as he snuggled against me.

I sat there for who knows how long hugging against my boy, realizing that
moments like this are priceless and are to be cherished.

" I guess we better get up and dressed" I said ruffling his hair. " I need
a shower.

"me too" He smiled at me

" I thought you took baths" I said to him

" I do,thats what I meant" he said giggling.

I got up and cleaned the tub thoroughly and began to run his water.

" I guess you can go first " I said as the tub began to fill." go find some
clothes"

He came back into the bathroom with his clothes while I shaved .

He waited patiently for me to finish and leave before he got undressed and
I heard him crawl into the tub as I began to check my e-mail.

Just as I read my first e-mail there it was again.

"hey Lew?"

"yeah cody?"

"there's no cup in here"

"just a second" I got up and got a cup and when I threw it to him he lifted
his hands exposing himself to me,his prepubescent penis floated limply on
the water,he realized I was looking and covered himself quickly.

"hey you saw me naked?"

"hmm guess that makes us even then " I said smiling at him, then I realized
that he may be uncomfortable and I certainly didn't want that. "I'm sorry
Cody that wasn't funny"

He only looked at me as I turned to leave.

When he came out he was wearing only his boxers and he said "your turn"

I turned toward him and took in the vision " would you go put on some
clothes, you exhibitionist" I said with mock disgust.

"then you are too, your still in your boxers" I only smiled at him as he
walked into my room to finish getting dressed as I rinsed the tub out so I
could take my shower.

I was nearly finished with my shower when I heard the bathroom door open.

"Lew I have to use the bathroom again"

"fine. just don't flush" I yelled back

"why not?" I heard his voice getting closer.

"because it will scald me"

"oh" he said and then giggled as he finished and then flushed.

"aahhhhh..." I yelled "you little shit you" and I heard him giggle all the
way out the door.


			    continued.........


  i will only say that my work is written with a special friend in mind.
	 unfortuantley he has passed away and i miss him very much
			 god bless you JUSTIN CASE
		       you were such an inspiration.

				    AXL